Holiday Survival Guide for Neurodiverse Couples
- hmotro
- Nov 30
- 3 min read
Holiday stress neurodiverse couples
Holidays amplify everything.
The warmth.
The noise.
The expectations.
Set your shared expectations.
Connection over perfection.
Plan ahead for road bumps.
Pick a pause signal.
Two taps.
Hand on the table.
When it shows up, pause.
No debate.
Take a break and find a place to talk.
Map the sensory load ahead of time.
List hotspots: noise, lights, smells, touch, crowds.
Plan supports: earbuds, softer lighting, layers, step-out spot, fidget.
Exit and return.
Regulate, don’t apologize.
Pace the day.
Anchor plans to events, not the clock.
“After pie, we call your sister.”
“Before we leave, we take a walk without family.”
Keep talks small.
Fifteen minutes.
One topic.
One decision.
Handle monologues kindly.
Agree on a cue.
A light touch on the watch.
A finger on the napkin.
Speaker lands the point.
“Thanks for the cue—I’m wrapping up.”
Then invite others in.
Different styles.
A shared plan.
Gratitude without gaslighting.
Say what happened.
Communicate feelings.
Express appreciation for effort.
“I see that you tried the plan. I’m disappointed, but I am grateful you tried. I know the room was loud.”
Truth plus gratitude.
Repair with dignity.
Repair script.
Speaker: “I own [behavior]. It landed as [impact]. I’ll do [specific repair] by [time].”
Listener: “Thanks for owning it. What I need next time is [one behavior].”
Short.
Concrete.
Family dynamics.
Decide your lines.
Topics to skip.
How to step away.
How to leave early.
Tag-team.
One leads.
One scans the room.
Switch every 30 minutes.
Debrief fast.
On the drive home.
Three easy questions:
What helped?
What was hard?
What we’ll do differently?
Write it down.
Try it next time.
Why this works:
Mixed-neurotype couples often misread each other.
It’s not bad character.
It’s different processing.
Clear signals and repeatable supports break the loop.
Ready to carry these habits year-round?
Harry Motro
Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center
© 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers.
Specialties
· Neurodiverse Couples Counseling
· ADHD & Autism Relationship Coaching
· Emotional Regulation
· Executive Functioning Support
· Complex Parenting Challenges
· Multicultural & Intercultural Relationships
· LGBTQIA+, Poly & Kink-Affirming
· Identity & Self-Exploration
Life Experience
Lived Experience as AuDHD and in a Neurodiverse Relationship – Navigated firsthand the challenges of differing communication styles, sensory needs, and emotional processing.
Bridging the Gap Between Neurotypes – Learned how to shift from misinterpretation and frustration to mutual understanding and connection.
From Isolation to Communication – Overcame years of feeling unseen by developing relationship strategies that work for both partners, not just one.
Reframing Love & Connection – Discovered that love isn’t always verbal—it can be expressed through small, meaningful actions.
Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #151193,
Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452
Want to learn more about yourself?
Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment, and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started!
References
Crompton, C. J., Hallett, S., Ropar, D., Flynn, E., & Fletcher-Watson, S. (2020). Neurotype-matching, but not being autistic, influences self- and observer-ratings of interpersonal rapport. Frontiers in Psychology, 11, 586171. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.586171/full
Driver, J. L., & Gottman, J. M. (2004). Daily marital interactions and positive affect during marital conflict among newlywed couples. Family Process, 43(3), 301–314. https://scottbarrykaufman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Driver-and-Gottman-2004.pdf
Hull, L., Mandy, W., Lai, M.-C., Baron-Cohen, S., Allison, C., Smith, P., Petrides, K. V., & Cassidy, S. (2019). Development and validation of the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q). Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, 49(3), 819–833. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6394586/
Johns Hopkins Medicine. (2023). Minimizing holiday stress for children with autism. https://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/wellness-and-prevention/stress-management-important-at-any-age/minimizing-holiday-stress-for-children-with-autism
MacLennan, K., O’Donnell, M., Lorenz, L., & Heasman, B. (2021). The complex sensory experiences of autistic adults. Autism in Adulthood, 3(4), 328–338. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9213348/
Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: The “double empathy problem.” Disability & Society, 27(6), 883–887. https://kar.kent.ac.uk/62639/1/Double%20empathy%20problem.pdf
Patil, O., Nagamatsu, C., & Connolly, J. D. (2023). Sensory processing differences in individuals with autism spectrum disorder: Evidence from electrophysiological markers. Frontiers in Neuroscience, 17, 1191945. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10687592/