The Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Difference: Strength vs. Challenge

While many trait wheels simply measure the intensity of a symptom, the wheels we use in our practice—whether for Autism, ADHD, or AuDHD—are designed differently.
 

We believe you cannot understand a neurodivergent brain by looking only at its struggles. You must also see its strengths.
 

Our wheel splits every trait wedge into two halves:

• The Left Side (Red): Represents the Challenge or deficit (e.g., Sensory Overwhelm).
   

• The Right Side (Green): Represents the Strength or benefit of that exact same trait (e.g., Deep Passion & Expertise).
   

This "dual-lens" approach helps you move away from a deficit-based mindset and toward a balanced view of the whole person.
 

Understanding the "Spiky Profile"

Visualizing your traits in this Red/Green format is the most effective way to understand the "Spiky Profile."
 

Most neurotypical brains have a "smooth" profile—if they are generally competent in one area, they are usually competent in most others. Neurodivergent brains, however, are often "spiky." They are characterized by incredible peaks of ability (Green) and deep valleys of struggle (Red).
 

Why This Matters for Couples

 

In relationships, the "Spiky Profile" is often the root of the biggest misunderstandings.
 

1. The Assumption: Because a partner sees the Peak (e.g., "You are brilliant at your job"), they assume a baseline of general competence in all areas.
    

2. The Misinterpretation: When they encounter a Valley (e.g., "You forgot to pay the bill" or "You can't handle the noise at this restaurant"), they don't see it as a capability issue. Because they know how smart you are, they misinterpret the deficit as bad intent—assuming you are being lazy, uncaring, or difficult on purpose.
    

By coloring in the Trait Wheel, you make the invisible visible. You show that the valleys are just as real as the peaks, and that a struggle in one area doesn't negate competence in another.
 

Why Visualize Instead of Using Screeners?

These traits are based on standard neurodiversity screeners. However, taking a test and getting a raw score (like "35/50") or reading a list of clinical symptoms often feels abstract. Numbers don't convey the feeling of your experience.
 

Visualizing allows you to:
 

• See the Pattern: Instantly spot where your energy goes and where it gets drained.
   

• Communicate Without Words: Show your partner a picture that explains your day-to-day reality better than a long explanation ever could.
   

• Reframe the Narrative: Turn a list of "symptoms" into a map of your identity.
   

How to Use This Exercise

If you're filling out a wheel for yourself:
 

• Read: Look at each wedge. Read the description for the challenging side (Red) and the positive side (Green).
   

• Color: Fill in the Red section if the struggle resonates with you. Fill in the Green section if the strength resonates.
   

• Reflect: Fill in more rings for stronger intensity. Notice how seeing the Green next to the Red changes how you view that trait.
   

If you're filling out a wheel for your partner:
 

• Observe: Think about your partner's behaviors in the context of the descriptions.
   

• Color: Map their strengths and challenges as you see them.
   

• Connect: Share the finished wheel with them. Use it to say, "I see how hard this Red area is for you, but I also really appreciate this Green area.

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Check out our Trait Wheels:
 

Autism Wheel

ADHD Wheel

AuDHD Wheel

While this exercise is a powerful tool for self-discovery and connection, it is not a medical diagnosis.
 

Looking for More Certainty?

Many people complete their wheel and find that it answers some questions but raises others. If you want to move from general insight to concrete understanding, the next step is professional evaluation.
 

Our therapists can work with you to perform comprehensive testing that goes deeper than screeners and visual tools, providing the clarity you need to navigate your life and relationship with confidence.
 

Ready to get help?

Click here to get matched with one of our team members

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