Question 1

We keep having the same fight over and over. Could neurodiversity be why?

Accepted Answer

Possibly. What looks like stubbornness or emotional unavailability is frequently a neurological difference, not bad intent.

Question 2

What is a neurodiverse couple?

Accepted Answer

A partnership where partners have different neurological makeups — most commonly one autistic and one neurotypical partner, but also couples where one or both have ADHD or AuDHD. Neither partner is broken.

Question 3

Why do autistic and neurotypical people so often end up together?

Accepted Answer

Neurotypical partners are often drawn to the autistic partner's directness, focus, and authenticity. Autistic partners are often drawn to neurotypical partners who help navigate social situations. The attraction is real — the challenge is bridging those differences over time.

Question 4

Is empathy possible for my autistic partner?

Accepted Answer

Yes. Autistic partners are fully capable of empathy and love. What differs is the channel — many show strong cognitive empathy but not the spontaneous emotional mirroring neurotypical partners recognize as care.

Question 5

What is the double empathy problem?

Accepted Answer

Developed by researcher Damian Milton, it shows understanding breaks down in both directions between autistic and neurotypical people. Neither is failing.

Question 6

What is alexithymia?

Accepted Answer

A reduced ability to identify and describe emotions — not an absence of feeling but difficulty translating feelings into words. Significantly more common in autistic people.

Question 7

What is rejection sensitivity dysphoria?

Accepted Answer

An intense emotional reaction to perceived rejection or criticism, common in ADHD and autism. What looks like overreaction is actually a neurological pain response — understanding this changes the dynamic completely.

Question 8

My partner shuts down when things get emotional. Is that autism?

Accepted Answer

Often yes. Emotional shutdown is frequently a nervous system response, not a choice. The system has taken on more than it can process and goes offline to protect itself — not indifference.

Question 9

Could my autistic partner also have ADHD?

Accepted Answer

Yes. Autism and ADHD co-occur at high rates. The combination, sometimes called AuDHD, creates a distinct profile that is frequently missed and makes an enormous difference in what kinds of support actually help.

Question 10

What makes therapy here different from regular couples therapy?

Accepted Answer

Standard couples therapy assumes a neurotypical baseline. Applied without modification to neurodiverse couples, it often fails or makes things worse. Every therapist on our team specializes in neurodiversity — it is the foundation, not an afterthought.

Question 11

Will therapy try to change my autistic partner?

Accepted Answer

No. The autistic partner is not broken. When autistic clients feel genuinely accepted, they consistently put in tremendous effort to grow — not because they are pushed, but because they finally feel safe enough to try.

Question 12

My partner does not think anything is wrong. Can therapy still work?

Accepted Answer

Yes. The goal is not to convince an unwilling partner to change but to create enough understanding that change becomes appealing.

Question 13

Could my autistic partner actually be narcissistic?

Accepted Answer

This is one of the most common misreads. What looks like narcissism in autism is more often black-and-white thinking and difficulty with perspective-taking — not a desire to dominate. An experienced therapist can make that distinction clearly.

Question 14

Do I need a diagnosis to work with you?

Accepted Answer

No. We work with the actual patterns present in the relationship. If a formal assessment makes sense, we can connect you with Adult Autism Assessment Center at adult-autism-assessment.com.

Question 15

I feel completely alone even though my partner loves me. Why?

Accepted Answer

The loneliness comes from a gap between your partner's love — which is real — and their ability to express it in ways that feel like love to you. Bridging that gap is core to our work.

Question 16

What is Cassandra syndrome?

Accepted Answer

The experience of neurotypical partners who feel emotionally isolated and unseen in a neurodiverse relationship. We support these partners in couples therapy and individually, and have a dedicated site at believing-cassandra.com.

Question 17

My partner refuses to come to therapy. Can I still get help?

Accepted Answer

Yes. We offer Couples Therapy for One — individual work that keeps a relational lens, focused on the relationship and your role in it. Many reluctant partners become willing once they see real change.

Question 18

We are both neurodivergent. Does therapy look different for us?

Accepted Answer

Yes. When both partners are autistic or have ADHD, the challenge is often negotiating daily life — chores, parenting, finances. Therapy is more concrete and focused on building shared systems.

Question 19

Do you work with autistic adults individually?

Accepted Answer

Yes. For autistic women and girls we have a dedicated practice at sherocksthespectrum.com. For autistic men and boys, therapy4autisticmen.com. For teens, teensunmask.com.

Question 20

Where can I start to understand my own neurotype?

Accepted Answer

Our Self-Discovery page at neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/self-discovery includes screeners for autism, ADHD, and other profiles, plus Trait Wheels. The free Neurodiverse Relationship Check-up gives a personalized relationship report.

Neurodiverse Couples
Counseling Center

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Welcome!

I'm Cassie Clayton, Client Care Coordinator.

If you have questions about getting started, I'm here to help!

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