Hi There, Have you ever felt like your meal routine was a little...different? You're not alone! We'd like to share some intriguing insights about eating problems in adults with autism, and it's eye-opening. 👀✨ 🍽️ Eating Challenges for Adults with Autism: The Research says… Men with Autism: The Struggle is Real Research has shown that men with autism face various eating problems that can disrupt their daily lives and relationships. These issues range from being extremely picky with food to feeling uncomfortable eating around others. Key Insights: Picky Eating: Men with autism scored 12.6 on the picky eating scale, compared to 9.7 for neurotypical men. Social Mealtime Discomfort: Men with autism scored 23.4 in social mealtime discomfort, compared to 18.7 for neurotypical men. Impact on Your Relationship: 👫 💞 Imagine your partner is struggling with picky eating or social discomfort during meals. This can make shared meals—a common bonding activity—stressful or even impossible. Misunderstandings and frustrations can arise, affecting the emotional connection and harmony in the relationship. 🥗 Women with Autism: A Closer Examination Heightened Sensitivity and Eating Disorders The same study found that women with autism experience even more significant eating problems than men. They report higher sensitivity to the sensory aspects of food, such as taste, smell, and texture, and display symptoms of eating disorders, like food refusal and purging. Key Insights: Sensitivity to Food: Women with autism scored 26.4 on sensitivity to food, compared to 20.6 for neurotypical women. Picky Eating: Women with autism scored 13.2 on picky eating, compared to 10.6 for neurotypical women. Eating Disorder Symptoms: Women with autism scored 10.5 on eating disorder symptoms, compared to 8.8 for neurotypical women. Impact on Your Relationship: 👫 💞 For women with autism, heightened food sensitivities and eating disorder symptoms can create significant strain. Partners might struggle to understand why certain foods or mealtimes are problematic, leading to feelings of isolation and tension. Addressing these challenges with empathy and tailored support is crucial for maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship. 🚨 Sensory Sensitivities & Interoception How Sensory Sensitivities Affect Eating Behaviors Research has also shown that sensory sensitivities in adults with autism are strongly linked to dysfunctional eating behaviors. Specifically: Visual Hypersensitivity: Those who are overly sensitive to visual stimuli tend to have higher levels of both eating disorder symptoms and autistic eating behaviors. Taste Hyposensitivity: Those with reduced sensitivity to taste are more likely to exhibit eating disorder symptoms. Interoception: The Hidden Link Another important factor to consider is interoception, which is how we perceive signals from our own body, like hunger, thirst, and even heartbeats. A recent study found that people with autism often experience atypical interoception, meaning they might not always sense these bodily signals accurately. This can contribute to eating problems and disorders. 🧩 Choose the Neuro-Informed Nourishment Way Our Call to Action Mainstream treatments for disordered eating are generally ‘one size fits all’. This can fail to help and, even worse, harm neurodivergent people. At Eating & Autism Therapy (EAT) , our individualized approach considers you as a whole person when it comes to food and eating, integrating an understanding of neuro-informed nourishment and trauma-informed care to honor your unique needs and autonomy. We see autism (or other forms of neurodiversity) as a strength and help you use it to your advantage. We are here to support you to explore and understand the patterns in your brain, body, nervous system, thoughts, and behaviors around food. We support you to define for yourself what you want and need when it comes to eating and find strategies that allow you to feel more comfortable and capable with your nourishment. This process is both practical and deep, as many clients find broader growth and healing along the way, like increased self-awareness and self-acceptance, happier relationships, more self-agency, and relief from chronic despair and shame. If you and your partner are struggling with the impact of eating problems on your relationship, we are here to help. Stay strong and keep thriving! Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Meet a Neuro-Informed Eating Specialist! Danielle Grossman is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Neuro-Inclusive Disordered Eating Specialist. Her neuro-inclusive approach to therapy combines several factors to help clients better understand themselves and their relationship with eating. Among these factors are the neuroscience of eating, genetic components, the neuro-different brain as it relates to eating, and the impact of trauma. Danielle is passionate about moving away from harmful, more traditional eating disorder treatments and working with neurodivergent couples and individuals who seek help with eating and nourishment. Are you ready to get started and begin healing your relationship with eating? Complete Contact Form Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neuro-informed eating specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Do You Feel Restricted or Weighed Down by Your Rigid Routines? Want to measure how your repetitive behaviors present themselves in your life? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and take the Adult Repetitive Behaviors Questionnaire-2 (RBQ-2A). Take the RBQ-2A Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Picture This: It's time to leave the house and your neurodivergent child is experiencing big emotions over a seemingly small detail. You’re caught between calming your child and keeping to your schedule. The stress builds as minutes tick by, and you feel the pressure of the day's demands upon you. Strategies to navigate these moments never seem tailored to fit your child's specific needs, leaving you feeling overwhelmed and at a loss of how to handle this situation in a way that you can feel good about. Sound familiar? Many parents of autistic/ADHD children face similar challenges and feelings. And now you have a chance to join with others who are on a similar journey. Introducing Our Neurodiverse Parenting Support Group 🤝 As parents, we are constantly multitasking, juggling different roles, and shifting gears. If you’re a parent of an autistic or ADHD child, you don’t have to navigate this journey alone. The Parenting Autism Therapy Center , our sister organization, offers a support group that provides a sense of community and understanding that can be difficult to find elsewhere. Hello! We are Adrienne Vincenti and Anne Hoglund , two of the caring team members here at the center. As fellow parents actively raising our neurodiverse children, we understand the unique challenges and joys that come with it. We will make sure you have a safe place to talk, learn, heal, and grow. Our group will be a place to join with others in similar situations to find connection, share your experiences, and learn new tools and strategies to help you better support your child and yourself. Location: Online Via Zoom Cost: $60/session for a 6-week series (Scholarships may be available) Day/Time: Thursdays, 11 a.m. to 12 p.m. PST Sign Up Here Session 1: Navigating Grief and Embracing Your Child In our first session, we will focus on adjusting to a new diagnosis and the feelings that come with it. Parents often experience grief and a range of emotions when their child is diagnosed as neurodivergent. We’ll discuss how to work towards acceptance and embrace the unique journey of parenting an autistic or ADHD child. Session 2: Advocating for Your Child Within the School System Advocacy is crucial in ensuring your child receives the support they need. This session will cover knowing your child’s rights, building positive relationships with teachers and administrators, and communicating effectively. We’ll also provide tips on staying informed, being prepared, and remaining persistent in advocating for your child’s needs. Session 3: Anxiety, Fear, and Isolation Anxiety and fear about the future are common among parents of neurodiverse children. In this session, we’ll explore allowing the situation to be what it is, instead of what you think it should be. We’ll discuss accepting the unknown and learning to enjoy the present without anxious dependence on the future. Session 4: Coping with Social Challenges Social challenges can be tough for autistic and ADHD children. We’ll identify common social interaction difficulties and discuss how to find supportive people for your child. This session will also cover effective communication, as well as teaching emotions, social skills, and coping strategies to your child. Session 5: Managing Emotional Dysregulation Emotional dysregulation is a significant challenge for both children and parents. In this session, we’ll identify triggers, develop emotional awareness, and practice mindfulness. We’ll also teach coping strategies, emotion regulation techniques, and the use of visual aids to help manage emotions. Patience is key, and we’ll discuss ways to cultivate it. Session 6: Preventing and Recovering from Parent Burnout Our final session focuses on you. Preventing and recovering from burnout is essential to being the best parent you can be. We’ll discuss what self-care looks like to you and how to find your people—building a support network and community that understands and supports your journey. Sign Up Now You’re doing an amazing job navigating the ups and downs of raising a neurodiverse child. Celebrate the victories, no matter how small, and be gentle and compassionate with yourself in the more challenging times. And remember: you are not alone on this journey. We’re here for you at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, supporting you every step of the way. Sign up for the Parenting Autism Therapy Center support group and start getting the support you need. With heartfelt best wishes, Adrienne Vincenti & Anne Hoglund Parent Group Co-Facilitators Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take our Stress Test The APSI Questionnaire was specially designed for parents of autistic children. Take the APSI Questionnaire Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Most therapists guess about behaviors. We ran the numbers. We analyzed data from 650 people. They all took the CAT-Q (Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire) . We looked at every score. No guesswork. Just patterns. The CAT-Q measures how much someone hides autistic traits. 100 or more means a person is camouflaging. The average score was 128! That’s a ton of effort. Camouflaging means social performance. Masking is just one part. Camouflaging means watching, copying, smiling, scripting. It ’s exhausting. Most people endorsed this statement on the CAT-Q : “I always think about the impression I make.” Not sometimes. Always. That’s not just social anxiety. That’s survival mode. This affects relationships—big time. Autistic partners get drained fast. They may shut down after being around people. They’re not avoiding their partner. They’re recovering. Allistic partners often take it personally. They see silence or distance. They feel hurt or confused. Both sides feel disconnected. But it’s the camouflaging talking. We help couples see this clearly. We explore what camouflaging looks like at home. We help couples talk about it. We give language to the shutdown. We make space for the real self to come through. How much do you camouflage? Take the CAT-Q . It ’s free. It’s fast. It tells you something most tests don’t. Find out how much effort you’re putting into fitting in. You might be surprised. Here's the CAT-Q. You’re not broken. You’re just tired. We get it. We can help. 👉 Fill out our contact form to get started. Our team is here to help you take the next step. With care, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Get Matched with a Therapist 🔦 Spotlight on Maring Hinga Specialties Autism, ADHD, AuDHD Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Blended Families Cassandra Syndrome Support Somatic Therapies Internal Family Systems Trauma healing Neurodiverse Couples Personal Experience Lived through a neurodiverse marriage that ended in divorce, gaining firsthand insight into the challenges of misaligned communication, emotional rhythms, and unmet needs. Over a decade into a new, hard-earned partnership, navigating the ongoing work of blending families, healing old wounds, and choosing connection over comfort—even when it’s hard. Brings real-world empathy to couples work, shaped by personal experience with both disconnection and deep repair, offering grounded support instead of quick fixes. Learn more about Maring! © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these questionnaires may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

ADHD in relationships Why do couples impacted by ADHD fight so often? Because missed responsibilities, forgotten promises, and poor follow-through wear both partners down. One feels unsupported. The other feels constantly criticized.Resentment builds. So why does the non-ADHD partner feel so overburdened? They often pick up the slack. They become the “responsible one.” They carry the weight of bills, chores, schedules. When they ask for help, they may be met with defensiveness or inaction. Over time, exhaustion turns into loneliness. And what about the ADHD partner? They live with shame, overwhelm, and feelings of inadequacy. When failure feels inevitable, withdrawal seems safer than trying again. That avoidance damages intimacy. Not because they don’t care—but because their brain is wired differently. What patterns show up most often? The parent/child imbalance. The “always in trouble” dynamic. The cycle where one enforces and the other resists. Research shows these roles cause frustration, burnout, and disconnection. So what is a boundary or strategy that actually works? It’s not nagging harder.It ’s not “trying harder.”It’s ADHD-sensitive tools.Like the visitor-based method . How the visitor-based method works This technique is based on a simple principle: "Just show up first, then decide". Decide on a task. Select a single item to focus on, such as a work assignment, a chore, or a personal project. Make a "visit." Approach the task and commit to working on it for a short, non-intimidating period of time. This can be as brief as a single deep breath or a few seconds. Decide what's next. After this short period, you have the agency to decide whether to continue working on the task or to walk away. Repeat as needed. If you decide to walk away, plan another "visit" for the next day. Preferably one that is at least slightly longer than the last. Knowing you have the ability to abandon the task at any time decreases the pressure, and each interaction with the task, no matter how small, is considered a success. ] Not sure if it’s ADHD? Our quick guide makes it easy to explore. Worried they’ll “visit” and not follow through? Use guardrails so both partners feel safe. Track visits in a shared place that’s visible. Agree on a same-time daily check-in that is factual, not critical. Define a fallback if three tasks are missed (for example, swap tasks, co-work for 10 minutes, or pick a smaller version). Celebrate progress; escalate only if the agreed guardrails are repeatedly skipped. Why does therapy help? Because ADHD is a brain difference, not a moral failing. Couples need new rules of engagement—shared responsibility, kindness, and tailored strategies. Therapy interrupts destructive cycles. It restores partnership. And it replaces blame with teamwork. So here’s the bottom line. ADHD doesn’t have to mean endless conflict. But you can’t white-knuckle your way out of these patterns. Lasting change takes new tools, new agreements, and a team-based approach. If ADHD is hurting your relationship, we can help you build something different. [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Jamison Haase Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Autism, ADHD Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Trauma-Informed Emotional Regulation Attachment Communication Family Conflict Emotional Intimacy Life Experience Grew up in rural Minnesota in a home marked by silence, shame, and hidden struggles—later reframed by a late ADHD diagnosis that brought clarity and compassion. Spent 25 years in Hollywood as an actor and coach, learning to read subtext, hold space, and guide people to find their authentic voice. Now raising two energetic kids in a neurodiverse marriage, living the daily realities of sensory storms, parenting trials, and the resilience that comes from building systems that celebrate difference. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT # 151355, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Jamison! Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References Ek, A., & Isaksson, G. (2013). How adults with ADHD get engaged in and perform everyday activities. Scandinavian Journal of Occupational Therapy, 20 (4), 282–291. https://doi.org/10.3109/11038128.2013.799226 Ginapp, C. M., Greenberg, N. R., Macdonald-Gagnon, G., Angarita, G. A., Bold, K. W., & Potenza, M. N. (2023). The experiences of adults with ADHD in interpersonal relationships and online communities: A qualitative study. SSM – Qualitative Research in Health, 3, 100223. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssmqr.2023.100223 Knies, K., Bodalski, E. A., & Flory, K. (2021). Romantic relationships in adults with ADHD: The effect of partner attachment style on relationship quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38 (1), 42–64. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520953898 Konrad, K., & Eickhoff, S. B. (2010). Is the ADHD brain wired differently? A review on structural and functional connectivity in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Human Brain Mapping, 31 (6), 904–916. https://doi.org/10.1002/hbm.21058 Robbins, C. A. (2005). ADHD couple and family relationships: Enhancing communication and understanding through Imago Relationship Therapy. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 61 (5), 565–577. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.20120 Wymbs, B. T., Canu, W. H., Sacchetti, G. M., & Ranson, L. M. (2021). Adult ADHD and romantic relationships: What we know and what we can do to help. Journal of Marital & Family Therapy, 47 (3), 664–681. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12475 Zeides Taubin, D., & Maeir, A. (2023). “I wish it wasn’t all on me”: women’s experiences living with a partner with ADHD. Disability and Rehabilitation, 46 (14), 3017–3025. https://doi.org/10.1080/09638288.2023.2239158 Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

ADHD Couples Therapy TIP: Want answers fast? Check out our 📄 Quick Guide on ADHD Couples Therapy for key facts, FAQs , and why you should choose us. THE IMPACT OF ADHD ON MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS Do you and/or your partner experience symptoms related to ADHD? If so, you can expect very predictable (and painful) patterns to emerge in your relationship. If the underlying issues are not addressed, it is likely that both of you will end up angry, dissatisfied, lonely, frustrated, and exhausted. These feelings typically arise from a pattern of mismatched or unrealistic expectations, lack of follow-through, nagging, constant conflict, and occasionally loud blow-out fights. If this dynamic continues long enough, one partner emotionally and physically pulls away, making the connection in the relationship even more tenuous. Fortunately, with awareness and knowledgeable help, these patterns can be interrupted and relationships can be restored . On this web page, we will cover the basics of ADHD-diverse relationships but we invite you to connect with one of our neurodiversity specialists who would be honored to work with you. Improve Your Relationship Now! ABOUT ADHD ADHD is most commonly diagnosed during childhood. While some percentage of children "grow out" of their symptoms or find effective ways to cope, many do not. In fact, some studies show that 50 percent of those who are diagnosed continue to have symptoms throughout adulthood. Prevalence of adult ADHD is generally accepted to be 4% (ranging from 2% to 7%). Depending on the study, the diagnosis rate in men ranges from 1.5 times to 3 times that of women . Many professionals believe that women are under-diagnosed in both childhood and adulthood. It is also worth noting that ADHD in women normally presents as difficulty concentrating and can look similar to anxiety whereas it is more common for men to experience hyperactivity. For ease of writing, the following is written assuming the male partner is the ADHD partner and the female is the non-ADHD partner . Please know that ADHD can show up in either spouse (or both) and we do not mean to perpetuate any stereotypes. UNDERSTANDING THE ADHD RELATIONSHIP PATTERN Consider each partner's part in an ADHD-diverse relationship: NON-ADHD PARTNER: Feelings: Angry, frustrated, sad and disappointed. Behaviors : Controlling, nagging, criticizing and complaining. Internal narrative: “I have to constantly remind you if I want anything to get done!“ ADHD PARTNER: Feelings: Worthless, resentful, sad and disappointed (in himself). Behaviors : Defensive, making excuses, avoiding, lying and withdrawal. Internal narrative: "How could you expect me to respond to you when you talk to me that way?“ IS YOUR MARRIAGE IN AN ADHD TRAP? If you are curious to see if your relationship fits the typical ADHD neurodiverse pattern, consider how many of the following ADHD symptoms exist in your relationship: Constant arguing, seemingly over inconsequential topics One partner in the “parent“ role and the other partner in the “child“ or "teenager" role Responsibilities feel uneven Difficulty in negotiating reasonable expectations Poor follow through on tasks Lack of consequences for unmet expectations Inability to discuss unmet expectations without arguing Arguments get stuck on whose memory is right Feeling that screens (phones, iPads, computers...) are more important than the relationship Infrequent or non-existent sex life The partner in the parent role becomes the bad cop and the ADHD partner becomes the Disney parent, particularly in the eyes of the children Children get caught in parental struggle \ A KINDER APPROACH - SHOW UP, THEN DECIDE Our clinicians are inspired by the ideas of Dr. Kourosh Dini, a renowned psychiatrist and expert in addressing the challenges faced by those with "wandering minds." Dr. Dini advocates for a thoughtful alternative to the conventional ADHD management strategies that often rely heavily on urgency and external pressure. These traditional tactics, which include setting tight deadlines or using past failures as motivational tools, can increase stress and undermine a person’s sense of self-direction and confidence. Dr. Dini champions a non-fear-based method that he refers to as the visitor-based approach. Unlike traditional methods that push for immediate action, this strategy encourages a gentler, more mindful engagement with tasks. It is grounded in a simple yet transformative principle: "Show up, then decide." Here’s a breakdown of how this method works: Decide: Begin by selecting a task to focus on, whether it’s a work assignment, a household chore, or a leisure activity. Show up: Commit to being fully present with your chosen task. Start by spending just a moment with it—enough time for one deep breath. Decide again: After that initial moment, you decide whether to continue working on the task or to step back. This step reinforces your autonomy and helps rebuild trust in your own decision-making abilities. This visitor-based approach might appear straightforward, but its impact is significant. It promotes a step-by-step engagement with tasks, reducing the overwhelming pressure to achieve immediate results. Each “visit” to a task is a chance to reconnect with your intentions and assess your current mental and emotional state. This leads to a more balanced and fulfilling approach to work and daily activities. Working with one of our skilled clinicians, you’ll explore these principles and discover how to apply them in a way that enhances your productivity and well-being without compromising your autonomy. BOTH PARTNERS STRUGGLE As we work with ADHD-diverse couples, we find that both partners struggle but in very different ways. ADHD PARTNER'S STRUGGLE For the ADHD partner, daily life can feel overwhelming . These feelings start off hidden but quickly emerge under stress. Unfortunately, they emerge as yelling at the family member who is close by, usually a spouse or child. Alternatively, the feelings get buried deep inside. Then, coping mechanisms (such as playing video games, alcohol or drug use, work, and/or porn) take over to keep the feelings from surfacing. Furthermore, feelings of inadequacy , which were often present in childhood, become magnified. As the non-ADHD spouse takes charge of the household and the children, the ADHD partner believes that he will not be accepted or loved unless he changes. Sadly, he does not believe this change is possible! As this pattern gets locked in, the ADHD partner begins to walk on eggshells, just waiting for the next time that he lets his partner down. Being under this kind of stress only makes the ADHD struggle worse. His ADHD mind was already racing; feeling cluttered, fuzzy and/or noisy. Now it gets worse. With the stress of the relationship on top of all the other daily stress, it becomes impossible to think clearly, especially when dealing with his spouse. NON-ADHD PARTNER'S STRUGGLE The non-ADHD partner starts out over-functioning because she loves her husband and wants to help. But this quickly leads to a feeling of being overburdened . Her first attempt to deal with this is to ask for help but then she is accused of "being a nag" or "being uptight". This just feeds into her resentment. When she resists nagging and asks just once, he forgets. Although he apologizes, she feels let down and that he doesn't really care. As she becomes convinced that she can not count on her spouse, she stops asking him to do things (which he could probably do well if their dysfunctional pattern did not exist). So she continues to over-function and soon feels lonely and ignored by her withdrawn husband. Her narrative of being "the responsible one" in the marriage is expressed through complaints to the kids, friends and other family members. Inevitably, the shame and struggle in the relationship spreads through the whole family system and hopelessness can quickly set in. BUT THERE IS HOPE!!! The path to healing needs to be customized for each couple; however, one of the fundamental interventions is to separate the symptoms of the ADHD from the message the partners are taking from it. I n other words, the struggle to follow through with a task does not mean that the partner does not care. It also does not mean that the ADHD partner cannot institute compensating strategies to address the needs of the spouse or family. Our work in therapy is to break the negative cycle , address the underlying feelings of anger and sadness, and then make new meaning of what is happening and what can be done going forward. Please know that we are not suggesting that the actual solutions are simple. The tactics need to be carefully customized for the couple and must be “ADHD-sensitive“ . In other words, we can NOT just try HARDER to do the things we’ve been doing; rather, a couple must be inventive and willing to experiment with new approaches. When working out the new couple dynamic, a couple of points must be emphasized: Take a team approach . If one person is the "one down" position, constantly being blamed, the change will not work. Both partners must honestly recognize the work that each one must do to break the negative cycle. Focus on changing yourself, not your partner. Treat your partner with kindness even when he or she fails. Be open to medication if that is suggested by your physician and other approaches are not working. WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT We have seen couples who have struggled with ADHD completely transform their marriage. Although it is not guaranteed, reshaping your painful patterns in a relationship can do wonders for your lives together. We would love to help and look forward to hearing from you. Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Relationships can feel like they’re simmering beneath the surface, and then suddenly—boom! An eruption. Have you ever felt that way in your relationship? Where things seem fine one moment, and the next, you’re dealing with a volcanic blast of misunderstandings, frustration, or disconnect? Maybe you've noticed these eruptions happen in patterns that don’t fit the usual ups and downs of relationships. You might suspect that these differences are linked to neurodiversity—whether it’s autism, ADHD, or another neurological variation. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many couples find themselves asking: "Is neurodiversity the lava flowing under the surface of our relationship?" Let's break it down, step by step. 💥 Suspecting Neurodiversity: What Are the Signs? Step 1: The first step is recognizing the patterns . Maybe you’ve noticed that your partner struggles with social cues, has intense focus on certain interests, or reacts strongly to sensory input. Or perhaps communication feels like you’re speaking two different languages. These could be signs that neurodiversity is influencing your relationship. But what do you do with these suspicions? Do you jump to conclusions or start by addressing the symptoms? 🔍 Addressing the Symptoms: A Practical Starting Point Step 2: Before diving headfirst into whether neurodiversity is at play, it’s helpful to start by addressing the symptoms that are causing friction. This might include: Communication Breakdown: Are there recurring misunderstandings or a feeling that you’re not on the same page? Emotional Disconnect: Does one partner seem distant or overly focused on specific tasks or interests? Or does one partner seem over-emotional and/or scattered? Routine Disruptions: Are small changes in routine causing significant stress or anxiety? By focusing on these or other symptoms, you may start to improve the day-to-day interactions in your relationship without immediately jumping to labels. But it’s important to acknowledge that these efforts might not always be enough. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the challenges persist, and it becomes clear that more understanding and support are needed. 💬 Bringing Neurodiversity into the Conversation Step 3: Once you’ve started addressing the symptoms, the next step might be discussing whether neurodiversity could be a factor . This is where things can get tricky, especially if one partner feels uncertain or resistant. Neurodiversity—whether it’s autism, ADHD, or another condition—can deeply impact how a person interacts with the world. It’s important to approach this conversation with care, emphasizing that understanding these differences isn’t about labeling but about creating a more harmonious relationship. 💥 Resistance from the Neurodiverse Partner: Handling It with Care Step 4: It’s not uncommon for the neurodiverse partner to feel resistance when the topic of neurodiversity comes up. They might worry about being labeled or fear the stigma that can come with a diagnosis. This resistance is natural and deserves to be approached with empathy . So you have two options: A. Reframe as New Understanding : If your partner is resistant, consider focusing on the benefits of understanding their unique way of experiencing the world. It’s not about attaching a label; it’s about gaining tools and insights that can make your relationship stronger and more connected. B. Don’t Raise Neurodiversity Issue : Another approach is to seek therapy with one of our neurodiverse couples counselors without initiall y raising the issue of neurodiversity. Our clinicians are skilled in discussing symptoms and behaviors in a way that minimizes blame and shame, helping both partners feel supported and understood. 🎯 Seeking Help: Why a Neurodiverse Couples Counselor Makes a Difference Step 5: When the time feels right, seeking help from a neurodiverse couples counselor can be a game-changer. Our specialists are deeply trained in understanding how neurodiversity impacts relationships and can offer tailored strategies to improve your connection. Here’s how we help: Normalizing the Struggle: We help both partners understand that the challenges they’re facing are normal and can be worked through without shame. Reducing Labeling Anxiety: We address concerns about labels, helping the neurodiverse partner feel more comfortable with the process. Practical Interventions: We focus on actionable steps to improve communication, reduce misunderstandings, and create a more supportive environment for both partners. 💡 Taking the Next Step: Screeners and Assessments Step 6: If, after working with one of our counselors, you both feel ready to explore whether neurodiversity is a factor, we offer autism and ADHD screeners that can provide initial insights. These screeners are a simple way to explore whether one or both partners are neurodiverse. Autism and ADHD screeners can be accessed here . For those who genuinely want a more in-depth understanding, we also offer comprehensive assessments . These assessments go beyond surface-level symptoms and provide a detailed picture of how neurodiversity might be influencing your relationship. 💥 Working on Couples Issues: Embracing Neurodiversity for a Stronger Relationship Step 7: Understanding and embracing neurodiversity in your relationship can be a transformative experience. It’s not just about identifying whether one partner is neurodiverse—it’s about how that neurodiversity shapes the way you interact, communicate, and connect as a couple. In neurodiverse couples therapy or coaching , here’s how we approach working on couples issues with a strong neurodiversity focus: Tailoring Communication: Neurodiverse individuals often have unique communication styles. We help both partners learn to recognize these differences and adapt their communication methods to foster clearer, more effective interactions. This might involve learning to be more explicit in expressing needs or understanding non-verbal cues differently. Building Emotional Resilience: Emotional connection can be challenging when one partner experiences the world through a neurodiverse lens. We work on building emotional resilience by helping the neurotypical partner understand the neurodiverse partner's emotional processing and by teaching the neurodiverse partner strategies to express their emotions in ways that their partner can understand and respond to. Navigating Sensory Sensitivities: Sensory issues can play a significant role in neurodiverse relationships. We develop strategies to accommodate and respect these sensitivities, whether it’s creating a sensory-friendly home environment or finding ways to manage sensory overload in social situations. Managing Expectations and Routines: Neurodiverse individuals often thrive on routine and predictability. We help couples navigate the balance between maintaining necessary routines and being flexible enough to adapt to life’s unpredictabilities. This can reduce stress and help both partners feel more secure in the relationship. Addressing Disappointment When the Fit Isn’t Right: Sometimes, couples come in believing that one partner is neurodiverse, only to discover that the traits they thought were due to autism or ADHD don’t quite fit. This realization can be disappointing, especially if one partner felt they had finally found an explanation for their struggles. We approach this with kindness and understanding, helping the couple refocus on the issues at hand, whether they’re related to neurodiversity or not. It’s about finding the right tools and strategies to improve the relationship, no matter the diagnosis. 💡 Moving Forward with Clarity and Compassion Please try to remember that every relationship has its unique challenges, and understanding whether neurodiversity is at play can be a powerful step toward a stronger, more connected marriage. It’s not about finding faults; it’s about understanding each other in a way that opens doors to empathy, love, and lasting partnership. Our team at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is here to guide you every step of the way. Warmly, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

What is AuDHD? You’ve probably heard of autism . You’ve likely heard of ADHD . But what happens when you live with both—at the same time? That’s AuDHD , a combination of Autism and ADHD. It’s more common than most people realize, and it can feel like your brain is constantly flipping between two operating systems—each with its own needs, quirks, and frustrations. ➤ Maybe you love routine… but you can’t stick to one. ➤ Maybe your brain hyper-focuses for hours… but also forgets to eat lunch. ➤ Maybe one day you crave social interaction, and the next, you want to hide from the world. If this sounds familiar, you might be AuDHD—and you’re definitely not alone. Think you might be AuDHD? Let's chat now! How AuDHD Shows Up in Daily Life Living with both ADHD and autism can feel like a push-pull between competing needs. Here are a few ways this might look in real life: You crave structure (autistic trait) but struggle to follow routines (ADHD trait) You hyperfocus on creative ideas but forget deadlines or appointments You want to socialize like an ADHD brain… but the sensory overwhelm of autism kicks in You’re masking constantly—managing both autistic traits and ADHD impulsivity Want someone who actually gets this? Schedule a free consultation with a neurodiverse-affirming therapist. Is AuDHD a real term? AuDHD isn’t an official diagnosis in the DSM—but it’s a real experience for many people. It describes someone who meets criteria for both Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) . Both are neurodevelopmental conditions. Both can affect how you think, socialize, feel emotions, and process the world. And when they overlap, it creates a very specific experience that deserves tailored understanding. ADHD vs Autism: What’s the Difference? While there’s overlap, the core traits of autism and ADHD come from different places: Autism Traits ADHD Traits Difficulty with social communication Difficulty with attention/focus Repetitive behaviors & routines Impulsivity and hyperactivity Deep, specific interests Easily bored, jumps between ideas They can look similar on the outside—but the reason behind the behavior often differs. Examples: Trouble with friendships? ➤ Could be autistic social fatigue or ADHD impulsivity. Struggling to focus? ➤ Could be autistic deep-focus on a special interest or ADHD distractibility. Sensory issues? ➤ Both can have them—but the triggers and intensity vary. Need a clear answer? We offer evaluations that consider both autism and ADHD. How Common Is AuDHD? Research shows that: 30% to 80% of autistic individuals also show signs of ADHD 20% to 50% of those with ADHD may also have autistic traits Scientists believe both may share genetic and neurological roots—affecting brain areas tied to social connection, attention, and emotional regulation. Translation: You're not imagining it. You're not broken. You're wired differently—and that matters. Curious where you fall? Schedule a call with our Care Coordinator. Whole-Person Support for AuDHD Adults and Couples Living and loving with both autism and ADHD isn’t a “flaw” to be corrected—it’s a wiring difference that shapes everything from morning routines to midnight heart-to-hearts. We meet you (and, if you choose, your partner) right there, offering care that’s practical, trauma-informed, and relationship-centered. Important: We don’t believe in "fixing" you to be neurotypical. Therapy should help you function in the world—without losing who you are. ➤ Healing Old Hurts Many AuDHD adults carry scars from being misunderstood or pressured to “act normal.” We use gentle, body-based and talk-therapy methods to calm the nervous system, release stuck memories, and rebuild self-worth—without asking you to change who you are. ➤ Strengthening Your Connection AuDHD dynamics spark both creativity and friction. We guide couples to: read each other’s signals (hyper-focus vs. distraction, sensory highs & lows) blend comfort needs with closeness turn misfires into teamwork create rituals that protect connection—even on chaotic days Partners can also work one-on-one to polish their side of the dance. ➤ Social Skills Support Thriving at Work and Home Missed emails, forgotten laundry, buzzing ideas that never land—sound familiar? We blend practical planning, workplace advocacy, and gentle accountability so your brilliance shines without nonstop masking. ➤ Social Skills Support New Tools That Stick From emotion-regulation drills to values-based goal setting and mindful-movement breaks, we customize skills practice to fit your wiring—no alphabet-soup jargon required. ➤ Medication (When Appropriate) When focus boosters or calming supports might help, we team up with your prescriber to fine-tune a plan that respects your goals and your neurology. Note: We don’t prescribe, but we can coordinate with your provider. Looking for a treatment plan that actually fits? Let’s build it together. You Might Be AuDHD If… ( A mini self-checklist ) ➤ You love structure, but forget what day it is ➤ You hyper-fixate and procrastinate—sometimes at the same time ➤ You bounce between social butterfly and hermit mode ➤ You’ve spent years masking—and you're exhausted ➤ You’ve been told you're “too much” and also “not enough” Check off a few? That’s reason enough to reach out. Let’s talk. You Deserve to Be Understood If you’ve been misdiagnosed, misunderstood, or told to “just try harder,” you’re not alone. Living with AuDHD can feel overwhelming—but it’s also an opportunity to understand yourself in a deeper, more compassionate way. Get matched with a therapist who gets AuDHD. Start with a screener → Share Your Info → Free consult → Personalized support You’re not too much. You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re just wired differently—and you deserve care that honors that. Ready to Get Started? Click Here! Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

🎯 Allism Spectrum Disorder?! What If Autism Was the Norm? As a thought experiment, imagine if autism was the norm. What if autistics outnumbered everyone else? So allistics (non-autistic people) become the minority? Would the autistics pathologize the allistics ? Enter the alternate universe of Allism Spectrum Disorder —a parody diagnosis where "normal" behaviors get pathologized. Let’s flip the script and highlight some common allistic traits that, if viewed through a different lens, might seem a little crazy: They rely heavily on small talk (even when it feels meaningless or forced). They avoid direct confrontation (often leading to passive-aggressive behavior instead). They prioritize group approval , sometimes sacrificing their own needs to fit in. They struggle with honest emotional expression , choosing politeness over authenticity. They often follow unwritten social rules (without ever questioning if they make sense). They frequently interpret silence as awkwardness , rather than comfortable space. They misinterpret literal language , assuming hidden meanings where none exist. They often maintain social relationships based on obligation , rather than genuine interest. They fear being judged for standing out , and often suppress their individuality to blend in. Seems silly, right? Yet this is exactly how many autistic individuals feel when navigating an allistic world. And we see this tension arise again and again in neurodiverse relationships. 🧠 Diagnostic Criteria for "Allism Spectrum Disorder" (Parody) Let’s take a moment to fully explore this upside down world. Imagine if allistic behaviors were pathologized the way autistic traits often are. Below is a playful abbreviated take, originally written by Terra Vance , on what that might look like: A. Persistent deficits in direct, honest, and compassionate social interaction and patterns of using deception and manipulation of others perception: Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity. For example: a. Indirect, ambiguous, or deceptive communication style b. Over dependence on social norms and generalizations c. Frequently superimposes subtext or places unfounded meaning on concrete, literal, or factual communication d. Struggles with comprehending consent and personal boundaries in social interaction Deficits in verbal and nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction. For example: a. Ritualized use of unusual or menial conversation topics (e.g. comments on weather) b. Pervasive passive aggressive communication style (saying “that’s different” when really meaning “I don’t like that”) c. An excessive use of eye contact, abnormalities in body language, and deficits in understanding and use of gestures Deficits in theory of mind and developing, maintaining, and understanding autistic relationships. For example: a. Difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts b. Inappropriate or undesired responses in conversation (e.g. using repeated passive/apathetic responses to end a conversation, visible discomfort when your interests or opinions vary from theirs) c. Absorption in perceived social status “ranking” d. Deficit in comprehending bodily autonomy and personal space e. Restrictive fixation with and dependence on gender social constructs f. Repeatedly engages in tribalistic behaviors, such as compulsive attempts to control reputation in groups, and exploiting, marginalizing, or punishing groups deemed unworthy or inferior B. Patterns of over-dependence on heuristics, social norms, and generalizations in behavior, interests, or activities : Stereotyped or repetitive verbalization, use of objects, or speech. e.g., a .Repetitive vocal stimming via verbalizing unfiltered thoughts or patterns of erroneous intonation b. Recreating social scenarios with toys or objects as children c. Repetitive use of involuntary scripted phrases (e.g. “Lets hang out soon”, “How are you”, “Long time no see”, or “It’s nice to meet you”) Insistence on sameness, extreme adherence to pre-existing social norms, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior. e.g., a. Ritualized use of indirect communication b. Strong attachment to group identity, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals c. Need to conform d. Difficulty in challenging pre-existing constructs in the world e. Gullible to group biases such as bandwagon effect, groupthink, or status quo bias Lack of specialization or pattern-recognition that is abnormal in apathy or disorderliness. e.g., a. Numerous superficial, shallow hobbies and interests with deficit in or complete lack of deeper exploration of interests b. Selecting interests based on social group or social influence c. Utilizing interests as social currency without genuine passion d. Ignoring small details because they do not align with expectations, context, or pre-existing beliefs e. Overly concerned with social perception instead of concrete objects or information Dulled or hypo-reactive to sensory input or information that does align with pre-existing knowledge, beliefs, or self-interest. e.g., a. ”Tuning out” sounds in environment deemed unimportant b. Easily influenced to interpret information based on how information is presented c. Overly gullible to confirmation bias, halo effect, and attentional bias d. Restrictively applies existing social constructs as rules/expectations for all interaction and modelling of instead of generating beliefs based on sensory input and pattern recognition 🤔 A Moment for Self-Reflection Now I want to talk to the allistic partner. Take a step back and consider: If the roles were reversed, and you were given a label like "Allism Spectrum Disorder," how would that feel? How would it impact the way you see yourself? Do you fit any of the criteria we just explored in the parody? This self-evaluation isn’t about judgment—it’s about empathy. Imagine navigating a world where your natural ways of thinking, communicating, and connecting are constantly seen as “wrong” or needing to be “fixed.” How would that shape your relationships, your self-esteem, and your sense of belonging? 👋 Final Thoughts By flipping these behaviors, it becomes obvious how absurd it is to pathologize traits that are just different ways of experiencing the world. Let’s stop trying to fit everyone into one “normal” box and open the door to a whole new level of understanding. At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , our team of clinicians here to help you make that shift, even when it feels impossible. Ready to get started? Book a session today and let’s move toward understanding and acceptance . Book A Session Until next time, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Think You May be Masking Your Autistic Traits? The Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) may be used to identify autistic individuals who do not currently meet diagnostic criteria due to their ability to mask. Take the CAT-Q Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Neurodiverse Sex Therapy TIP: Want answers fast? Check out our 📄 Quick Guide on Neurodiverse Sex Therapy for key facts, FAQs , and why you should choose us. I GNITING THE SPARK IN YOUR NEURODIVERSE RELATIONSHIP Sexual intimacy is an important part of a couple’s relationship. Yet, it can feel like an unsurmountable challenge for neurodiverse couples to overcome. To make matters worse, sex often becomes so emotionally loaded that the couple will make an unspoken agreement that the topic is off limits for discussion. So, it should not be surprising that one study showed that 50% of neurodiverse couples had no sexual activity at all. Fortunately, with outside help, there is hope! Addressing the barriers to a healthy sex life with an understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity can set a couple on path to revive their sex life or to start one that has never existed. Our work with couples usually covers the areas listed below. Please know that these topics are NOT listed in order of importance as issues impact each couple in very different ways. We work with the couple so that they define their own issues and set the priority for our focus in therapy. Let's work on Your Relationship Now! COMMON STRUGGLES IN NEURODIVERSE RELATIONSHIPS DESIRE IMBALANCE A sexual challenge for all couples (both neurotypical and neurodiverse) can be a mismatched libido. However, the struggle is especially pronounced for neurodiverse couples. This problem occurs when one person has a higher sex drive than his or her partner. This libido difference can stay relatively steady throughout a relationship or can vary depending on the changes in each partner's body and what is happening in their lives . The libido imbalance can be viewed similarly to other differences that a couple may have. Examples include different levels of desire for travel, reading, exercise, and other life activities. However, the negotiation around mismatched libidos may be more difficult to resolve because it often gets played out through non-verbal cues which may be difficult for the NT partner to pick up on. This unresolved libido imbalance can lead to tension and confusion about how often a couple will have sex. And not having this worked out can make the high desire partner feel sexually unwanted while the low desire partner feels pressured and overwhelmed. Because one’s sexuality can say so much about a person’s identity and the health of their relationship, working through these issues in the safety of therapy is often needed to break the sexual and communication logjam. The solutions that may be explored in therapy to address the couple's libido differences depend on the couple's unique situation but may include: clarification of sexual and non-sexual touch, scheduling sex (but not to the complete exclusion of spontaneous sex), experimenting with different frequencies or rhythms for sexual encounters, discussing how to initiate sex and taking turns doing so, practicing how to say “no” to sex without rejecting one’s partner, not pressuring one’s partner when receiving a “no,” and a commitment to rescheduling if a scheduled time doesn’t work out. Communicate more effectively Now! SENSORY ISSUES Studies show that 80% of partners with autism are hyper or hypo sensitive to sensations of sound, taste, sight, touch, smell or pressure. This will surely impact physical intimacy as couples approach each other for sexual contact. Many AS (autism spectrum) partners may become overwhelmed when they are being overstimulated. These sensations can create extreme levels of distress. In this state, the AS partner may lose the ability to explain what is happening, resulting in a meltdown and/or shut down. Thus, it is critical to talk about these issues when the couple is not in a stressful moment, such as in therapy. Also, a partner may feel shame in discussing these topics, like he or she is flawed and not worthy of being in a relationship. Accordingly, in therapy we are careful to approach the subject in a non-blaming or shaming way. By viewing the sensory challenges in the context of neurodiversity and by exploring workarounds together, a couple can begin to experiment with ways to create sensations that feel pleasurable for both partners. COMMUNICATION While communication in day-to-day situations can be a mix of verbal and nonverbal communication, when it comes to sexual activity, the non-verbal component increases exponentially. When non-verbal communication is lacking, sex can be experienced as mechanical, unfulfilling, frustrating and/or disconnected. We have found that AS (Autism Spectrum) and NT (Neurotypical) partners can bridge the non-verbal communication gap by slowing down the communication and being intentional about their needs and desires before, during, and after sex. In therapy we introduce take-home exercises that increase eye contact and make it OK to ask about body language if it is not understood. Additionally, the couple is invited to verbalize what may otherwise be spoken non-verbally. In other words, the couple is invited to substitute clear and direct communication for non-verbal language. Further, “code words” or “safety words” are established in therapy and can be used during sexual encounters to avoid painful triggers or boundary violations. Many couples feel greatly relieved by the addition of concrete language to their sex lives as it usually results in the ultimate satisfaction of long-neglected sexual wants and desires. EXPERIENCE LEVELS Many autistic partners have had difficulty connecting sexually with others in their lives before meeting their current partner. Delayed hormonal development during puberty may have been a contributing factor. Also, challenges in building friendships, a time-consuming special interest, or a fear around meeting new people may have limited the AS partner’s prior sexual experiences. Even worse, the autistic partner may have had negative sexual experiences that caused deep emotional wounds. As a result, the autistic partner may have a distorted view of the expectations of a romantic relationship, one that is based on movies and books rather than real-life experiences. Of course, all of the challenges could be equally true for the NT partner. In therapy, we may suggest individual sessions to explore a partner’s sexual history to begin healing wounds that may have occurred in the past. And when the couple is ready, these issues can be addressed in couples therapy where the couple heals together and jointly creates clear and realistic sexual expectations based on a deeper understanding of each other. THINGS TO CONSIDER DEFINE SEX We also work with couples to consider how narrow or broad their view of sex is. For example, the AS (Autism Spectrum) partner may focus exclusively on sexual intercourse while the NT (Neurotypical) partner has a more expansive view of sexual connection; whereby sex may include a touch on the shoulder after dinner, flirting during the day, a provocative text, foreplay, and spending time in the bed talking after sexual intercourse. Furthermore, neurodiversity may impact gender identification and sexual preferences in nuanced ways that should be discussed with great care. Exploring each partner's view of sex within the safe confines of therapy can help the couple understand each other in new ways, reset expectations, and create an openness to new ways to sexually connect. ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT Sexual enjoyment will rapidly decrease if one partner does not want to be there. An AS partner, especially a AS female, may struggle with saying “no” to sex if she feels overwhelmed by the sensory input of the sexual experience. Furthermore, an AS partner may view sex as a “task to be performed” and not appreciate the bonding opportunity or not understand why the reluctant partner is saying "no." In therapy, we work hard to make room for both partners to express what they are experiencing and to create an atmosphere where sex only takes place when both partners enthusiastically consent. YOU VS. ME Because it may not be natural for the AS partner to put him or herself in his partner’s shoes, it may be easy for him to focus on his own needs and neglect his partner’s needs. However, if this issue is brought to the forefront without criticism, the AS partner may be willing to go to great lengths to please his partner. In therapy, we will create opportunities to shift focus from self to the partner and do so in a loving way. EMOTIONAL INTIMACY A relationship struggling with misunderstanding, frustration, anger, and disappointment in non-sexual areas will often find sex unfulfilling. Usually, one’s body will involuntarily shut down if there is little or no emotional connection. For this reason, in therapy, we work first to reestablish emotional safety before exploring sexual reconnection. YOUR BODY It is important to understand that there are two categories of issues that arise in sex therapy: Sexualized Issue: This is a non-sex related issue that shows up in the bedroom. Most of the issues listed above are good examples of a problem that is rooted in emotions or thinking that is impacting sex. Physical Sex issue: We will talk to you about physical issues such as vulvodynia or impotence due to radiation for prostate cancer. We will then recommend that you seek out a medical specialist for a full evaluation. Then we will work in tandem with the medical specialist to find ways to have the best sex life possible given the medical condition. Doing so, helps reduce the shame and blame that usually accompany having a medical issue that impacts one's sexual relationship. PRACTICAL STEPS Here are some of the practical steps that are introduced in therapy that may help neurodiverse couples: Agree on what non-sexual touch is and is not, and be clear about what communication is needed to go beyond non-sexual touch. Practice phrases to express sexual likes and dislikes. Practice asking your partner what he or she likes. Practice using a 1 to 10 scale to communicate the level of sensations and how much you like something. Negotiate a schedule for sex with a beginning and end time. Learn how your partner likes to be approached for sex. Practice how to say “no” when approached for sex. Agree that the sex does not end immediately after intercourse. Discuss what each person would like to have happen during sex. Break it down step by step. Talk about what happens when someone wants to explore something new or different. Discuss boundaries and what is off-limits. Find code or safety words if either partner feels a boundary is crossed, sensations are being over-stimulated, if a partner is feeling overwhelmed, or if consent is being withdrawn. Practice using the code words. Have all of the discussions listed above when not engaged sexually and when both partners are focused on the conversation with little or no distracting sensory input. Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Additional Support Options: Sex Addiction NEW PATH SEX ADDICTION THERAPY While not exclusive to neurodiverse couples, compulsive sexual behavior or the impact of betrayal can add another layer of complexity to an already challenging relationship dynamic. If this is part of your experience, our partner site offers specialized support for individuals and couples navigating sex addiction, betrayal trauma, and related concerns. Rather than placing you in a one-size-fits-all program, we use an integrated therapy model that brings together individual therapists, couples specialists, and partner support coordinators to address every layer of your situation. You can learn more here if this resonates with what you’re going through. New Path Sex Addiction Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

The divorce is in the rear mirror. You found love again. You brought two households together. You imagined a bigger table…more laughter…shared adventures. Then reality pulled up a chair. Suddenly, everything feels like a tug of war. Alliances form. Kids get stuck in the middle. And if autism or ADHD are in the mix? Every tiny shift feels louder, brighter, harder to predict. You plan the hand‑offs. You color‑code the calendar. You deliver the pep talks. Yet, the meltdowns still land in the hallway at 8:07 p.m.—just when the baby is finally asleep and the dog decides to bark. But why?! Because blending a family is really hard, and even harder in a neurodiverse household. Yet understanding each other’s brain wiring can be the real game-changer. It’s not about who’s right or who needs to try harder. It ’s about seeing that sensory overload, missed cues, or scattered follow-through might not be intentional—just different. When we drop the blame and shame, we make space for new strategies that work for your actual family, not some textbook version. Understanding and compassion becomes the glue. And yes—this can be learned. How is your blended family doing? Take these tests to find out: ➤ For STEP-parents: Blended Family- Step-Parent -Integration & Resilience Questionnaire ➤ For BIO-parents: Blended Family- Biological Parent- Synergy & Collaboration Inventory ➤ For ALL parents: Blended Family- Parent -Well-Being Questionnaire (BF-Family-WQ-25) ➤ For CHILDREN (minor & adults): Blended Family- Child -Adaptation and Well‐Being Scale Take them all here: https://www.blendedfamilycounselingcenter.com/self-discovery With these tests, you'll get concrete feedback on topics like: Communication & Bonding with Stepchild Integration & Sense of Belonging Co-Parenting & Collaboration with the Biological Parent Conflict Management & Support They’ll spotlight what you need to work on and how we can help. We blend neuro‑informed knowledge with step‑family wisdom. We explore ways to grow—without asking anyone to mask who they are. Ready to blend better? ➤ Book a free consultation today. Let’s rebuild a home where every brain—and every heart—fits. With hope, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center and Blended Family Counseling Center Get Matched with a Therapist 🔦 Spotlight on Lea Choi Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Counseling ADHD & Autism Relationship Coaching Emotional Regulation Executive Functioning Support Complex Parenting Challenges Multicultural & Intercultural Relationships LGBTQIA+, Poly & Kink-Affirming Personal Experience Lived Experience in a Neurodiverse Relationship – Navigated firsthand the challenges of differing communication styles, sensory needs, and emotional processing. Proudly AuDHD Overcame years of feeling unseen by developing relationship strategies that work for both partners, not just one. Discovered that love isn’t always verbal—it can be expressed through small, meaningful actions. Learn more about Lea! Disclaimer: These questionnaires are meant to spark insight and self‑reflection. Each one can serve as a springboard for noticing patterns, naming challenges, and starting honest conversations—whether with a partner, therapist, coach, or supportive friend. Because these tools are still in development and have not undergone formal scientific validation, their reliability and accuracy are not yet established. They are not diagnostic instruments and should never replace a professional evaluation. For individualized guidance, please consult with one of our clinicians. © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these questionnaires may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the Blended Family Therapy Center. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Well, you're not alone. In fact, most neurodiverse couples start out working really hard at being "GOOD" for each other. The "being good" cycle starts when the neurodivergent partner masks his natural behavior in order to satisfy his neurotypical partner. Let's say the neurotypical partner pleads: " Give me more affection. " The neurodiverse partner then tries to muster up the energy to show more affection. Meanwhile, they tell their partner: " Stop nagging me. " So, the neurotypical partner holds everything in and stops sharing her needs. This usually works for a while, till it doesn't. That's when everything falls apart. Unfortunately , forcing good behavior masks the deeper differences between both partners . With this dynamic, couples feel misunderstood, exhausted and lonely. After trying so hard to be good, you may wonder, "Does my partner value me just the way I am?" If you focus all your energy on being "good", resentment builds and you won't feel loved for JUST BEING YOU. Rather than trying harder, acceptance should be the first goal. Acceptance is way beyond working on love languages or communication skills. These are essential skills, but they come AFTER feeling accepted. In neurodiverse couples counseling, we explore differences in strength-based, non-shaming ways. This leads to more understanding and acceptance. The fortunate paradox is that, once you feel accepted, it is massively easier to change in ways that meet your partner's needs. You just need a neuro-informed couples specialist to help you shift from "trying so hard to be good" to true acceptance. Click Here To Match With An Expert We'll be here when you're ready. All the best, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

As a therapist deeply immersed in the intricate dynamics of neurodiverse relationships, I've often found myself in the middle of the age-old debate: What holds more value, facts or feelings? 🤔 Picture this: one partner, with a furrowed brow, insists, "The facts clearly show I'm right! You are completely overreacting! You shouldn't feel that way." 😠 While the other, with a sigh of frustration, counters, " But you're missing how all this makes me feel, which is just as important." 😞 This isn't just an argument; it's a vivid illustration of two fundamentally different ways of experiencing the world, each with its own language, trying desperately to be heard and understood. 🗣️ The Deep Roots of Emotions 🌱 A deeper dive into the nature of feelings reveals that they are often rooted in past experiences rather than the present moment. This is particularly true for individuals who have endured trauma. For them, current events can act as triggers, invoking disproportionate emotional responses that seem incongruent with the actual situation. It's akin to a geological fault line; when the present bumps against this line, it causes tremors that reverberate through our being, manifesting as intense emotions. Understanding an Outsized Reaction 😲😡😥😖 This understanding of emotions sheds light on why we might react strongly to certain situations that, to our partner, might seem minor. It's NOT the present circumstance that's solely responsible for our feelings; instead, it's our past experiences casting long shadows over our current perceptions. This shift from present to past can lead us to erroneously believe that, if only our partner would change, our emotional turmoil would subside. However, the key to mitigating these disproportionate reactions lies in having compassion for the underlying trauma, thereby recalibrating our emotional responses to better match the realities of the present. The Autistic Mistake: Dismissing Emotions ❌🧠 Unfortunately, autistic partners often make the mistake of arguing facts over feelings. The wiser path is acknowledging the reality and significance of feelings, while setting facts aside for the moment. Emotions are indicators, messengers that convey important insights about our inner world and our relationships. The Allistic Mistake: Equating Emotions to Truth ❌🔮 On the other hand, the mistake that an allistic partner makes is to elevate these feelings to the status of incontrovertible truths , allowing them to unjustifiably indict others or dictate our actions. This misstep can lead us down a path of misunderstanding and conflict, both with ourselves and others. Take a Pause: From Primal to Thoughtful Response ⏸️💡 One of the most effective strategies for navigating emotional triggers is the practice of pausing before reacting. This pause, a moment of intentional breath and reflection, allows us to move from a primal, reactive state to one of thoughtful response. It signals to our body that we are safe, enabling us to engage the more rational parts of our brain. Learning to pause and respond rather than react can result in a monumental shift for a couple. Feelings are Essential, Not Truth 💖 Feeling our feelings is essential. Resisting or denying them as an individual or a couple only amplifies their intensity and can lead to greater internal turmoil. Feelings are transient energies, constantly in flux. By allowing them to flow through us, they lose their power to overwhelm. Yet, remembering this truth can be challenging in moments of acute emotional distress. Ultimately, honoring our feelings while also recognizing that they are not infallible truths is a delicate balance to achieve. Feelings provide valuable insights into our emotional landscape, but they must be interpreted with caution and context, particularly when they stem from past traumas. Neurodiverse Couples Counseling 🤝 For neurodiverse couples grappling with facts and feelings, the support of a neurodiverse couples specialist can be an invaluable step towards healing and equilibrium. In doing so, we learn not only to honor our feelings but also to ensure they serve us in constructive ways, guiding us toward healthier, more informed choices in our lives. Click Here To Match With An Expert With heartfelt guidance and support, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Looking Back Through Two Lenses Every relationship is made up of two unique perspectives . For neurodiverse couples, those perspectives may sometimes feel as if they come from entirely different worlds. But rather than seeing this as a challenge, consider it an opportunity. Taking time to reflect on the past year allows you to view your relationship through two distinct lenses, appreciating and learning from your differences. Reflection fosters curiosity, deepens understanding, and strengthens connection. Even if your relationship doesn’t feel ready for this kind of shared reflection right now, there’s still value in the process. You can explore your thoughts privately, with a trusted friend, or in therapy. Reflection helps nurture personal growth and paves the way for relational growth too. Your Reflection Blueprint 🌟 Now, take a moment to reflect on your year with these thoughtful questions. Each prompt is designed to help you uncover insights and set intentions for the year ahead. Highlights and Challenges ✨ What was the single best thing that happened this past year? What was the most challenging, and how did you navigate it? What brought unexpected joy into your life? What obstacles taught you something important? Personal Growth 🌱 How did you grow emotionally, spiritually, or physically? What unique strengths helped you tackle challenges? If you had to describe your year in one phrase, what would it be? Work and Time Management 🕒 What energized you most in your work or daily life? What drained your energy, and how could you shift that next year? How did your unique ways of thinking lead to creative solutions? Relationships and Connection 🤝 How connected or disconnected did you feel with your partner this year? What was one meaningful moment you shared together? How did your neurodiversity shape your relationship, positively or negatively? What is something your partner did that you’re grateful for? Couples-Specific Reflections ❤️ In what ways did your differences create opportunities for growth and learning? What was a moment when your perspectives clashed, and how did you handle it? How can you create space to better understand each other’s lens in the year ahead? What do you each need from the relationship moving forward? The Power of Curiosity and Acceptance 💡 When reflecting together, aim to be curious rather than critical. Each of you brings a unique lens to your relationship. For neurodiverse couples, exploring these lenses—whether shaped by autism, allistic norms, or other experiences—can turn conflicts into opportunities for connection. Curiosity fosters acceptance, and acceptance strengthens bonds. Even when your perspectives seem far apart, choosing to stay open can draw you closer. What If Sharing Feels Too Hard? 🌱 Not all relationships feel ready for this level of sharing, and that’s okay. If it feels too hard right now, let your partner know this is something you’d like to work toward. In the meantime, consider sharing your reflections with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Our neuro-informed specialists can help create a safe space for these conversations, making it easier for both partners to feel seen and understood. The Reflective Pause Effect in Relationships ❤️ The Reflective Pause Effect , supported by psychological research, shows that intentional reflection strengthens relationships by enhancing understanding and connection. For neurodiverse couples, this practice becomes a bridge to appreciating each other’s unique lenses and experiences. To take advantage of this effect: Set aside regular time for reflection. Identify how your differences shape communication. Seek guidance from therapy to deepen mutual understanding. By embracing this intentional practice, you can turn your differences into strengths, building a relationship rooted in empathy, curiosity, and shared growth. Click Here to Schedule! Wishing you clarity, connection, and compassion as you move into the new year! Warmly, Harry Motro Clinical Director 🔦 Spotlight on Liz McClanahan Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Therapy Autism & ADHD Parenting Autistic Children Intimacy, Sex Affair Recovery Anger Management Life Transitions Depression, Anxiety, Mood Disorders, Personality Disorders Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist Professional Qualifications Neurodiverse Couples Specialist Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Azusa Pacific University (APU) Dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples improve communication, reduce conflict, and increase intimacy. Life Experience Diagnosed with ADHD at age 17 Married 26 years to a neurodivergent husband Mother of three neurodivergent children: Age 21 – Autism/ADHD/twice exceptional, Age 18 – ADHD, Age 13 – Autism/ADHD Proud parent of LGBTQ+ identifying children Caregiver to parents diagnosed with cancer through treatment and end-of-life care Contact Liz Today! Did you miss the last Blog? Click Here to Read Now! Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Cassie Clayton, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Cassie Think You May be Have ADHD? The Structured Adult ADHD Self-Test (SAAST) may be used to identify adults who may have undiagnosed ADHD Take the SAAST Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Your Brain OUR BEAUTIFUL BRAINS UNHELPFUL NARRATIVES Many couples arrive in neurodiverse couples therapy with one or both of the following stories: Neurotypical Partner: "They don't' care about me" or "He just can't give me what I need." Autistic Partner : "I'm a failure." or "My partner is overly emotional." We are here to tell you that you are both mistaken. If you don't understand the problem you are trying to solve, it is virtually impossible to solve it. First, the root problem is that your brains are wired differently. Second, you are reaching conclusions based on your experiences of your partner's behaviors, not is what is happening inside. Third, once you begin to understand what and why a behavior is happening, you can begin to find a way to make your relationship work. Without his clear problem definition, you are more likely to: assume bad intent on your partner, blame yourself, and stay stuck without change indefinitely. These assumptions keep you locked in a state of conflict, isolation and misunderstanding. TRENDS IN BRAIN RESEARCH Ok, so how do brains with autism (autistic) differ from brains without autism (allistic)? Studies that make use of a brain-scanning technique called magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) have highlighted brain regions that are structurally distinct in people with autism. However, research has not uncovered a ‘characteristic’ brain structure for autism , meaning that no single pattern of changes appears in every autistic person. This reflects the wide variety across individuals in general. Nonetheless, there are some consistent differences that have emerged for subsets of autistic people . Some of these differences are summarized on the information table on this page. Unfortunately, making direct connections between brain structures and the differences in thinking styles, body awareness, use of emotional language, focused interests, literal language interpretation, pattern perception, and theory of mind is imprecise. BIOLOGICAL DIFFERENCES To understand the autistic brain at a deeper level, it is helpful to focus on the biological differences; thus examining the structural, functional, and neurochemical aspects rather than behavioral manifestations. Here's an overview emphasizing these biological distinctions: Neuroanatomy and Brain Structure Autistic brains can exhibit variations in brain structure compared to allistic brains. This includes differences in the size and development of certain brain regions. For example, studies have found early brain overgrowth in some young children with autism, and there are often variations in the cerebellum and amygdala, which are regions involved in motor control and emotional processing, respectively. Neural Connectivity There are notable differences in neural connectivity in the autistic brain. This encompasses both hyper-connectivity and hypo-connectivity in various brain regions. Hyper-connectivity might occur within certain areas, leading to enhanced abilities in specific tasks, while hypo-connectivity between different regions can affect integrative functions such as social cognition. Synaptic Function and Neurotransmitters Research indicates differences in synaptic function in autistic individuals. Synapses are the junctions where neurons communicate, and alterations here can impact neural communication. Additionally, variations in neurotransmitter levels and functioning, such as glutamate and serotonin, have been observed, which play a role in mood, learning, and sensory processing. Brain Plasticity The autistic brain may exhibit unique patterns of neuroplasticity – the brain's ability to change and adapt. This can influence learning and development. Neuroplasticity in autism is a complex area of study, with research indicating both enhanced and reduced plasticity in different contexts or brain regions. Cerebral Cortex Organization Differences in the organization of the cerebral cortex, especially in regions involved in social interaction, communication, and sensory processing, are noted in autism. This includes variations in the minicolumns – small units of neurons in the cortex – which may affect information processing. Genetic Factors Autism has a strong genetic component, with numerous genes identified that contribute to its development. These genes often play a role in brain development and functioning, influencing aspects like neuron growth and synapse formation. Sensory Processing and Integration At the biological level, differences in how sensory information is processed in the brain are evident in autistic individuals. This can be linked to the aforementioned differences in neural connectivity and brain structure, leading to atypical sensory experiences. These biological aspects underlie the wide range of experiences and abilities seen in autism, highlighting the complexity and diversity of the condition. As research continues, our understanding of these biological differences is constantly evolving, offering deeper insights into the neurological basis of autism. THE MAIN POINT We encourage you (both allistic and autistic) to be open to seeing your partner's behavior with a new level of acceptance, knowing that their behaviors are not a reflection of bad intent, lack of will, or an inability to care. With this in mind, building bridges in a relationship become immensely easier. FOR THE RESEARCH MINDED For excellent detailed explanations about the biological differences in the autistic brain, see: Spectrum: Autism Research News offers insights into how brain structure differs between people with and without autism, with a focus on regions like the hippocampus, amygdala, and cerebellum. They also discuss changes in brain structure during development and alterations in white matter. You can explore their content for more detailed visual representations and explanations here . NeuroClastic provides a series of infographics and detailed discussions on apraxia, agnosia, and similar processing disabilities in autism. These infographics explore how these conditions manifest and their impact on autistic individuals. The infographics are part of a broader series that delves into various aspects of neurological differences in autism. You ca Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel