Want to test your communication skills?
Look at the questions below and ask:
"Do I say more of the ❌'s or ✅'s?"
There’s no shame either way—just insight.
Allistic to Autistic
❌ "Why aren't you listening to me?"
✅ "Did I catch you at a bad time to talk, or is something making this hard to take in?"
❌ "Can't you just be more flexible?"
✅ "What parts of our routine help you feel steady, and where could we build in some wiggle room together?"
❌ "Why don’t you care how I feel?"
✅ "I know you care in your own way—can you help me see how you usually show it?"
Autistic to Allistic
❌ "Why are you always so emotional?"
✅ "Your feelings matter to me, even if I don’t always get it—can you walk me through what’s going on for you?"
❌ "Do we have to talk about this AGAIN?"
✅ "I know this is important to you. Can we find a rhythm for these talks that works better for both of us?"
❌ "Why can't you just say exactly what you mean?"
✅ "Sometimes I need things to be really direct. Can we figure out a way to meet in the middle?"
So, how’d that quiz go?
If you ended up with more ❌s than ✅s, don’t stress. You’re in good company—most couples do!
These habits are super common and totally normal.
The good news? They’re also things you can work on. Just noticing them is already a big step in the right direction.
🌟 Try This Week:
Pick just one ✅ or "better way" question and ask your partner this weekend.
Watch how even a small shift makes things better!
And, yes, I know this might feel impossibly hard.
That’s exactly why neurodiverse couples therapy exists. One of our neuro-informed therapists can help you both learn how to ask questions and connect in new ways that can transform your relationship.
You've got this,
Harry Motro
Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center
🔦 Spotlight on Liz McClanahan
Specialties
· Neurodiverse Couples Therapy
· Autism & ADHD
· Parenting Autistic Children
· Intimacy, Sex, Affair Recovery
· Anger Management
· Life Transitions
Professional Qualifications
· Neurodiverse Couples Specialist
· Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Azusa Pacific University (APU)
· Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist
Personal Experience
· My husband is on the Autism Spectrum and received his diagnosis later in life. I am so proud of my 26-year marriage and the fact that we were able to reconcile after a divorce and remarry.
· My two children are also on the Spectrum. They have taught me how differences can be intensely beautiful and frustrating at the same time.
Want to learn more about yourself?
Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment, and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started!