AI-assisted therapy autism AI is starting to show up in our counseling sessions. Clients bring it in. Sometimes it helps. Sometimes it hurts. Here’s the upside. For autistic partners, AI can act like a practice partner. It can suggest wording that feels clearer. It can help find the hidden emotion. It can flag tone that might come across the wrong way. It can give space to rehearse a hard conversation without judgment. Research on tools like TwIPS shows that LLMs can help autistic users rewrite texts so their intentions aren’t lost. Another study shows how AI “social coaches” lower anxiety when practicing conversations. That can be powerful. Especially when communication gaps fuel so much pain for neurodiverse couples. But there’s a dark side. Some partners are turning AI into a weapon. Typing in grievances. Getting back polished, one-sided arguments. Quoting the bot as objective truth. Even having AI “lecture” their spouse in front of kids. Conflict that once simmered now boils fast. Therapy progress gets undone. Trust erodes. Why? Because AI is a mirror. It reflects you. It validates what you feed it. AI wants to please you, so it may trash your partner. That’s where it gets dangerous. So how do you use it wisely? Set boundaries. No AI during fights. No quoting ChatGPT as “proof.” Limit your use so you don't get lost in the AI's perspective. Use it for prep, not combat. Draft your thoughts, then make them yours. Check AI results with a real person. Spend time just thinking. Listen to yourself. Bring it into therapy. If you’ve used AI, share what it said. We’ll unpack why it resonated—and what got left out. And help you can repair what's broken, with authentic listening and connection. [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center ***NEW*** AI-ASSISTED THERAPY We now offer AI-assisted Therapy to harness the good—clarity, practice, preparation—without letting tech replace human connection. See how we integrate AI safely and ethically here: https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/ai We’ll dive deeper into this in a future newsletter. © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Nancy Rushing Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Specialist ADHD, Autism, Intimate Partner Violence Emotion Focused Therapy Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Sex/Physical Intimacy Emotional Intimacy Communication Life Experience I am AuDHD , living with both Autism and ADHD. I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) I am also raising two Highly Sensitive Children (HSC) Born and raised in the South—in Louisiana and Texas—by immigrant Chinese parents, both of whom are neurodivergent. Languages: English & Mandarin Chinese. Experienced various neurodiverse relationships through family, friends, partnerships, teaching, parenting and counseling. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #149167, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Nancy! Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

< Back Quick Guide - Communication in Neurodiverse Relationships Tip: Want more resources? 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about communication between neurodiverse partners. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation. KEY FACTS Misunderstandings Between Neurodiverse Couples: Partners in neurodiverse relationships often feel like they are speaking different languages. While it may seem like the other person “just doesn’t get it,” many times this disconnect is simply a result of different communication styles. Different Styles, Different Approaches: Communication differences can create confusion when partners expect the other to “speak their language.” Common communication styles include: Logical vs. Emotional: One partner may prioritize facts, while the other seeks emotional connection—leading to missed signals of care or support. Concrete vs. Abstract: A concrete thinker may prefer clear instructions, while an abstract thinker uses ideas and metaphors—causing things to feel unclear or overly literal. Absolutist vs. Relativistic: An absolutist may speak in firm “always/never” terms, while a relativistic partner sees shades of gray—making discussions feel rigid to one and vague to the other. Conflict-Avoidant vs. Conflict-Insistent: One partner may shut down to keep peace, while the other pushes for resolution—fueling frustration on both sides. The Double Empathy Problem describes how both autistic and neurotypical partners can struggle to understand each other’s perspectives. It’s not a “deficit” in one person—it’s a two-way misunderstanding caused by different communication and emotional styles. Counseling helps bridge this gap so both partners feel heard and valued. Personal Filters Shape Messages: Past experiences, current mood, defensiveness, and expectations can all act as filters. These filters change how words are sent, heard, and understood. Recurring Patterns of Conflict: Many couples find themselves stuck in repeating cycles of miscommunication and negativity. Shifting the view to “us versus the pattern ” rather than “me versus you” creates more space for teamwork. Practical Strategies That Help: Pause and Reflect: Notice repeating conflict patterns and choose a different response. Make Time to Process: Slow down, agree on an approach, and affirm each other’s effort. Start with Intention: Open conversations with a calm, non-critical statement of purpose. Write It Down: Express thoughts in writing or take notes while listening to support clarity. Set Regular Check-Ins: Schedule consistent times to talk, even briefly, to build trust and routine. Counseling Supports Growth: With the help of a trained therapist, couples can learn to recognize their patterns, practice new strategies in a safe space, and strengthen understanding. Therapy that focuses on client strengths is especially helpful for neurodiverse communication as it helps partners identify and build on what they already do well, rather than focusing only on deficits. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQS) 1. Why does it sometimes feel like we’re speaking different languages? Answer: Because partners in neurodiverse relationships often use very different communication styles (logical vs. emotional, concrete vs. abstract, etc.). What feels natural to one may feel confusing or frustrating to the other. 2. Does this mean one of us is wrong or “bad” at communication? Answer: No. Misunderstandings aren’t about right or wrong. They come from mismatched styles, expectations, and filters —not from one partner being at fault. 3. Why do we keep having the same arguments over and over? Answer: Many couples fall into repeating cycles of conflict and negativity. Without realizing it, you may both be reacting to patterns rather than to each other in the present moment. Learning to press pause and see it as “us versus the pattern” helps break the cycle. 4. What are some practical tools we can try right now? Answer: Write out thoughts before talking for clarity. Start conversations with a calm, non-critical intention statement. Take notes while listening to stay focused. Schedule consistent times to check in, even if brief. 5. Can counseling really help with communication issues? Answer: Yes. Strengths-based therapy has been shown to be especially helpful for neurodiverse communication as it helps partners identify and build on what they already do well, rather than focusing only on deficits. Counseling gives couples a structured, supportive space to build their communication skills. Last reviewed: Sep 11, 2025 • Authors: Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT (Clinical Director) and Jasmyne Mena (Director of Clinical Research & Scientific Communications, Senior Medical Writer, Neurodiversity) REFERENCES Edge, J. J., & Parker, S. (2025). “He was very confusing to me in the beginning”: a qualitative exploration of the romantic relationship experiences of neurotypical individuals with autistic partners. SN Social Sciences, 5(3), Article 22. https://doi.org/10.1007/s43545-025-01048-2 Merolla, A. J., Otmar, C. D., & Salehuddin, A. S. (2025). Past Relational Experiences and Social Interaction: Direct, Moderated, and Mediated Associations Between Relational Difficulty, Communication, and Perception in Two Samples. Communication Research, 52(3), 346–374. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/00936502231162232 McDowell, C. N., Bryant, M. E., & Parker, M. L. (2023). Decoding Neurodiverse Couples Therapy: A Solution-Focused Approach. Sexuality & Disability , 41 (2), 255–273. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1007/s11195-022-09765-9 Mitchell, P., Sheppard, E. and Cassidy, S. (2021), Autism and the double empathy problem: Implications for development and mental health. Br J Dev Psychol, 39: 1-18. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjdp.12350 Ramos Salazar, L. (2015). The negative reciprocity process in marital relationships: A literature review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 24, 113–119. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1359178915000701 Overton, A. R., & Lowry, A. C. (2013). Conflict management: difficult conversations with difficult people. Clinics in colon and rectal surgery , 26 (4), 259–264. h ttps://doi.org/10.1055/s-0033-1356728 Williams, D. L., Mazefsky, C. A., Walker, J. D., Minshew, N. J., & Goldstein, G. (2014). Associations between conceptual reasoning, problem solving, and adaptive ability in high-functioning autism. Journal of autism and developmental disorders , 44 (11), 2908–2920. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6067678/ WHY CHOOSE US? DEPTH OF TEAM — 30+ neuro-informed therapists and coaches. 16,000+ sessions each year. The world’s largest practice dedicated to neurodiverse couples and individuals—so you benefit from deep, proven experience. WE ARE NEURODIVERSE: More than 90% of our clinicians are neurodiverse themselves, bringing a firsthand understanding of autism, ADHD, and related experiences. This lived perspective, combined with professional training, allows us to provide both expertise and genuine compassion to help you thrive. OUR MODEL: We use a neurodiverse counseling model —practical, skills- based, and tailored to each couple. We don’t pathologize difference; we name neurodiverse traits as natural human variations in communication style, sensory needs, social energy, and executive functioning. Together, we map those patterns so both partners can see what’s really happening (not what they’re blaming each other for). From there, we translate insight into action: shared language for signals and needs, simple agreements for sensory fit, clear routines for planning and follow-through, and repair tools that reduce defensiveness. The goal isn’t to make anyone “more normal.” It’s to help you work with your differences—so empathy grows, teamwork strengthens, and your bond gets measurably closer. STRENGTH-BASED: Our neurodiverse counseling model is strengths-based and neuro-affirming because that’s what works—well-supported in couples therapy and even more effective with neurodiverse couples. Instead of fixing “deficits,” we identify and deploy real assets—precision, honesty, loyalty, pattern recognition, creativity, deep focus—so they actively solve problems. This lowers shame, builds safety fast, and turns differences into shared tools: clearer signals and agreements, sensory fit instead of overload, and routines that reduce friction. The payoff is practical—fewer blowups, better follow-through, and a bond that strengthens because you’re using what you already do well, together. OUR TEAM: Our experts are deeply compassionate and dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples thrive. Three things set our team apart: Ongoing Specialized Training – All team members receive weekly training on neurodiversity-focused content, ensuring our approaches stay current and effective. Collaborative Case Support – We hold weekly supervision sessions, including case consultations, so that no couple’s challenges are handled in isolation—your therapist has a full team behind them. Continuous Professional Growth – Every therapist pursues ongoing continuing education in neurodiverse relationships, keeping us at the forefront of best practices. ASSESSMENTS: In addition to providing therapy, many of our clinicians are specially trained in conducting in-depth adult autism and ADHD assessments . If you’re seeking greater clarity or considering an in-depth evaluation, our team can guide you through the process with professionalism and care. INSURANCE — We are insurance-friendly. As an out-of-network provider, we will send you a Superbill for therapy services that you can submit to your insurance company for potential reimbursement. Please know that we do NOT bill insurance directly or participate as an in-network provider. For more information, please visit the "Insurance/Fee" section on our FAQ page. DIAGNOSIS OPTIONAL — You don’t need a diagnosis to get help with us. We can start with what’s happening now—communication loops, sensory needs, executive-function friction, meltdowns/shutdowns—and turn those patterns into clear agreements, better repairs, and real relief. If you’re in California and want a formal autism or ADHD evaluation , our licensed clinicians can provide it—but it’s not required to benefit. Either way, the goal is the same: less blame, more understanding, a stronger bond, and real individual healing. NOT A CRISIS SERVICE — We’re not a crisis service. If you’re ever in immediate danger, call 911. For urgent mental health support, call or text 988 or go to https://988lifeline.org Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is part of New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. WHO WE HELP We support neurodiverse couples and individuals nationwide through online therapy or coaching. Some common issues we help clients tackle include: Autism/ADHD differences Cassandra Syndrome Support Alexithymia Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Highly Sensitive People Parenting and co-parenting challenges Intimacy (both physical and emotional) Autism and ADHD assessments and self-screeners Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Recurring discussions about “tone,” initiative, alexithymia , or intimacy Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Discernment Counseling LEARN MORE 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about communication between neurodiverse partners. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation.

Share your interest in Groups and we will contact you within 24 hours. Join a Group Please fill out the information below and a group leader within 24 hours. YOUR First Name YOUR Last Name YOUR Phone YOUR Email For Couples Groups Only PARTNER'S First Name PARTNER'S Last Name PARTNER'S Phone PARTNER'S Email The Group(s) that I am interested in: * Required Neurodiverse Couples Group Weekly Thriving Beyond Cassandra Group Where do you reside? * Required We live IN CALIFORNIA We live OUTSIDE of CALIFORNIA Where you live: Are you currently receiving therapy or coaching from us (NCCC)? * Required Yes, currently. No but I did in the past. No. My current or past therapist/coach at NCCC is or was: Incorporate spirituality? We do NOT wish to incorporate spirituality into group work We DO wish to incorporate spirituality in group work DURING group therapy and/or AFTER group ends, many clients decide to pursue individual therapy. The fee for the additional therapy varies based on the clinician’s experience. Please indicate the fee per 50-minute session that you are able to pay and we will do our best to match you with the appropriate professional. $300 and up $250 to $300 $200 to $250 $150 to $199 $100 to $149 - considered "Sliding Scale". Appointments at this price are limited and may not be currently available. Please provide as much background as you like: Information shared on this intake form may be viewed by members of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center staff in order to place you in a group. By entering your information, you will be added to our mailing list; however, you will be given the option to unsubscribe at any time. Submit Thanks for submitting! We will contact you within 24 hours

The “Neurodiversity Magnet”: Many autistic and neurotypical partners feel an immediate and powerful attraction towards each other and their differences. Autistic partners are often admired for their focus, intelligence, and stability, while neurotypical partners are valued for their social skills and support. This can feel like being “pulled together like magnets,

Learn why an ASD diagnosis may or may not be helpful and how an adult assessment for Austism Spectrum Disorder is conducted. SELF DISCOVERY Self-Tests to Help Neurodiverse Partners Understand Themselves and Each Other Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Co-Occurring Neurodiverse Screeners HSP , Dyslexia, Rejection Sensitivity, OCD General Screeners Perfectionism , Anger Trait Wheel Exercises Autism ADHD AuDHD Neurodiverse Relationship Check-up Autism Screeners: General Autism Screeners (Broad Traits) 1. Ritvo Autism & Asperger Diagnostic Scale (RAADS-14) Emphasis on internal experiences 14 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 2. Autism Spectrum Quotient Test (AQ) Most common screener for Autism 50 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. Additional test for Women: 3. Modified Girls Questionnaire for Autism Spectrum Condition (GQ-ASC) Designed for adult women, it identifies behaviors and abilities in women associated with autism 21 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. Learn more about these tests here. Autism Screeners: Associated Feature Measures 1. Alexithymia (2 screeners) 1a. Online Alexithymia Questionnaire (OAQ-G2) Measures 7 factors related to emotions (see below) 37 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 1b. Toronto Alexithymia Scale (TAS-20) Identifies difficulties identifying and describing emotions, and distinguishing body sensations from emotions 20 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 2. Burnout (3 screeners) 2a. Autistic Burnout Trait Inventory (ABTI-24) * Measures long-term burnout risk based on masking, stress, health strain, and recovery gaps over the past year. 24 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 2b. Autistic Burnout State Inventory (ABSI-24) * Assesses autistic burnout in terms of your energy, sensory overload, masking fatigue, and stamina over the past two weeks. 24 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 2c. Autistic Burnout Construct (ABO) Measures signs of Autistic Burnout—a state of intense physical, emotional, and cognitive exhaustion that can result from prolonged masking, unmet support needs, or sensory overwhelm. 8 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. Autism Screeners: Domain-Specific Autism Screeners 1. Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) Detects masking, social compensation, and assimilation 25 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 2. Adult Repetitive Behaviors Questionnaire-2 (RBQ-2A) Measures repetitive and restricted behaviors in adults 20 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 3. Extreme Demand Avoidance Questionnaire for Adults (EDA-QA) Assesses behaviors often associated with Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) —or as some prefer, Persistent Drive for Autonomy —a profile seen in some autistic individuals. Explores regulation, flexible thinking, sensory coherence, and social perspective-taking. 26 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 4. The Monotropism Questionnaire Assesses for features indicating a monotropic cognitive style, the tendency to focus deeply on a limited number of interests at one time. 47 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. ADHD Screeners: General ADHD Screeners (Broad Traits) Recommendation: Take these 4 tests and then book a free consult . 1. Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRSv1.1) Commonly used self-assessment tool for adult ADHD 18 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 2. Structured Adult ADHD Self-Test (SAAST) Covers concentration, impulsiveness, disorganization, and hyperactivity 22 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. ADHD Screeners Domain-Specific ADHD Screeners 1. Barratt Impulsiveness Scale (BIS-11) Focus on impulsivity traits 30 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 2. Copeland Symptom List for Adult ADD Assesses 8 ADHD-related domains 63 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. Learn more about these tests here. ADHD Screeners Associated Feature Measures 1. ADHD Sexual Intimacy Measure (ADHD-SIM-24) * Measures strengths and challenges across four subscales: Attention & Presence, Impulse Control & Risk, Boundaries & Consent, and Relationship Communication & Satisfaction.. 24 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. Co-Occurring Neurodiverse Screeners 1. Highly Sensitive Person Inventory (HSPI-24) * Designed for individuals seeking to better understand their level of sensitivity and emotional/sensory responsiveness. It measures four key traits commonly associated with high sensitivity: Depth of Processing, Overstimulation, Emotional Reactivity, and Sensitivity to Subtleties. 24 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 2. The Dyslexia Questionnaire for Adults Assesses difficulties with reading, writing, and spelling that indicate dyslexia in adults 13 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 3. Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria Self-Assessment (RSD-24) * This self-assessment is designed for adults who want to better understand how rejection sensitivity may be affecting their emotions, relationships, and daily life. 24 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 4. Obsessive Compulsive Inventory – Revised (OCI-R) Identifies the presence of obsessive thoughts and compulsive behaviors across six key areas—washing, checking, neutralizing, obsessing, ordering, and hoarding—offering insight into how they may be impacting daily life. 18 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. General Screeners 1. Perfectionism (2 screeners) 1a. Clinical Perfectionism Questionnaire (CPQ) Assesses patterns of goal-setting and self-evaluation to determine clinical perfectionism. 14 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 1b. Frost Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale (FMPS) Measures perfectionism across several dimensions, including concern over mistakes and organization. 35 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. 2. Clinical Anger Scale (CAS) Assesses the severity of anger as a symptom or condition. It can identify individuals who may benefit from anger management strategies or therapeutic interventions. 21 Questions Want to learn more about this screener? Click here. Trait Wheel Exercises Three (3) available exercises. Each wheel turns complex traits into a simple visual map of your strengths and struggles. Want a quick overview of these wheels and their purpose? Click here. 1. Autism Trait Wheel Maps autistic traits across sensory processing, communication, focus, and emotional patterns using a dual-lens view of challenges and strengths. Visual Exercise — 12 Trait Wedges Want to learn more about this wheel? Click here. 2. ADHD Trait Wheel Highlights attention patterns, executive functioning, motivation, and hyperfocus while showing both difficulties and corresponding strengths. Visual Exercise — 10 Trait Wedges Want to learn more about this wheel? Click here. 3. AuDHD Trait Wheel Combines autistic and ADHD traits into one map, capturing overlap, contradictions, and the balance of overwhelm and creativity. Visual Exercise — 14 Trait Wedges Want to learn more about this wheel? Click here. Not sure what’s right for you? We offer a free consultation to help you figure it out—no pressure, just support. Check out the screeners and learn more at Adult Autism Assessments → Go to the Adult Autism Assesment Center For more self-discovery, join us at the Adult Autism Assessments: Services Overview (including pricing) Screening Tests (at no cost) ASD Assessment ADHD Assessment Dual Assessment (ADHD & ASD) Sensory Assessment Alexithymia Assessment Demand Avoidance Assessment *Disclaimer This questionnaire is designed to offer helpful insights and support self-reflection. It can be a useful starting point to increase understanding and many individuals find it valuable for identifying patterns and starting meaningful conversations—whether with a partner, therapist, or coach. That said, this tool is still in development and has not been validated through formal scientific research. While the questions are based on commonly reported experiences, the questionnaire’s reliability and accuracy have not been formally established. It is not intended to diagnose any condition or replace professional evaluation. For personalized guidance, we encourage you to consult with a neurodivergent-affirming clinician. ©2025 Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, part of the New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No part of this questionnaire may be reproduced, redistributed, or otherwise used without explicit written permission from the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center.

Looking Back Through Two Lenses Every relationship is made up of two unique perspectives . For neurodiverse couples, those perspectives may sometimes feel as if they come from entirely different worlds. But rather than seeing this as a challenge, consider it an opportunity. Taking time to reflect on the past year allows you to view your relationship through two distinct lenses, appreciating and learning from your differences. Reflection fosters curiosity, deepens understanding, and strengthens connection. Even if your relationship doesn’t feel ready for this kind of shared reflection right now, there’s still value in the process. You can explore your thoughts privately, with a trusted friend, or in therapy. Reflection helps nurture personal growth and paves the way for relational growth too. Your Reflection Blueprint 🌟 Now, take a moment to reflect on your year with these thoughtful questions. Each prompt is designed to help you uncover insights and set intentions for the year ahead. Highlights and Challenges ✨ What was the single best thing that happened this past year? What was the most challenging, and how did you navigate it? What brought unexpected joy into your life? What obstacles taught you something important? Personal Growth 🌱 How did you grow emotionally, spiritually, or physically? What unique strengths helped you tackle challenges? If you had to describe your year in one phrase, what would it be? Work and Time Management 🕒 What energized you most in your work or daily life? What drained your energy, and how could you shift that next year? How did your unique ways of thinking lead to creative solutions? Relationships and Connection 🤝 How connected or disconnected did you feel with your partner this year? What was one meaningful moment you shared together? How did your neurodiversity shape your relationship, positively or negatively? What is something your partner did that you’re grateful for? Couples-Specific Reflections ❤️ In what ways did your differences create opportunities for growth and learning? What was a moment when your perspectives clashed, and how did you handle it? How can you create space to better understand each other’s lens in the year ahead? What do you each need from the relationship moving forward? The Power of Curiosity and Acceptance 💡 When reflecting together, aim to be curious rather than critical. Each of you brings a unique lens to your relationship. For neurodiverse couples, exploring these lenses—whether shaped by autism, allistic norms, or other experiences—can turn conflicts into opportunities for connection. Curiosity fosters acceptance, and acceptance strengthens bonds. Even when your perspectives seem far apart, choosing to stay open can draw you closer. What If Sharing Feels Too Hard? 🌱 Not all relationships feel ready for this level of sharing, and that’s okay. If it feels too hard right now, let your partner know this is something you’d like to work toward. In the meantime, consider sharing your reflections with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist. Our neuro-informed specialists can help create a safe space for these conversations, making it easier for both partners to feel seen and understood. The Reflective Pause Effect in Relationships ❤️ The Reflective Pause Effect , supported by psychological research, shows that intentional reflection strengthens relationships by enhancing understanding and connection. For neurodiverse couples, this practice becomes a bridge to appreciating each other’s unique lenses and experiences. To take advantage of this effect: Set aside regular time for reflection. Identify how your differences shape communication. Seek guidance from therapy to deepen mutual understanding. By embracing this intentional practice, you can turn your differences into strengths, building a relationship rooted in empathy, curiosity, and shared growth. Click Here to Schedule! Wishing you clarity, connection, and compassion as you move into the new year! Warmly, Harry Motro Clinical Director 🔦 Spotlight on Liz McClanahan Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Therapy Autism & ADHD Parenting Autistic Children Intimacy, Sex Affair Recovery Anger Management Life Transitions Depression, Anxiety, Mood Disorders, Personality Disorders Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist Professional Qualifications Neurodiverse Couples Specialist Master’s Degree in Clinical Psychology from Azusa Pacific University (APU) Dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples improve communication, reduce conflict, and increase intimacy. Life Experience Diagnosed with ADHD at age 17 Married 26 years to a neurodivergent husband Mother of three neurodivergent children: Age 21 – Autism/ADHD/twice exceptional, Age 18 – ADHD, Age 13 – Autism/ADHD Proud parent of LGBTQ+ identifying children Caregiver to parents diagnosed with cancer through treatment and end-of-life care Contact Liz Today! Did you miss the last Blog? Click Here to Read Now! Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Cassie Clayton, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Cassie Think You May be Have ADHD? The Structured Adult ADHD Self-Test (SAAST) may be used to identify adults who may have undiagnosed ADHD Take the SAAST Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Autistic Women WOMAN ON THE SPECTRUM? WE SEE YOU. If you are an adult woman who thinks you may be on the spectrum, we are so glad you are here. You have probably been overlooked and under-supported for years and maybe even decades. You may be struggling in your relationship but not know how to fix it. Sadly, feelings of being defective, lonely, confused and helpless may be all too common. Please don't despair. There is hope! On this web page, we will try to cover the basics of women on the spectrum but we invite you to connect with one of our neurodiversity specialists who would be honored to help you. Wondering if you have Autistic traits? Curious about how autism may shape your experiences as a woman? Take our Autism Screener for Adult Women to explore traits, gain insights, and access resources tailored to your unique strengths and challenges. The button below will take you to our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment . There, you'll be able to take our Free Online Autism Screener for Adult Women and gain further insight. Adult Autism Screener OVERLOOKED IN CHILDHOOD As the field of neuroscience continues to develop, there is an ever-increasing consensus among researchers that autistic women are dramatically undercounted. Well-intentioned, parents, teachers, and counselors often miss the opportunity to identify women on the spectrum. There are two major reasons for this unfortunate situation: REASON 1: GIRLS MASKING IN CHILDHOOD Even though girls may share many core traits of autism with boys, they often react externally to it in dramatically different ways. One difference in how boys and girls react is the degree to which they mask their autistic traits. Masking is when a person puts on a “mask” to look the way others expect rather than show up in the world in a way that is natural and genuine. You can think of masking as camouflage. In other words, wearing something on the surface so you will not be noticed, yet fearing that you will be discovered. As compared to boys, girls are more capable of “masking” their social deficits. One theory that explains this superior female masking capability is that girls on the spectrum have innate “social mimicry skills” which enable the girls to more easily "fake it". Unfortunately, the mimicry usually operates at a superficial level, causing the girls to still miss the deeper emotional understanding. Also, social masking is harder for girls to pull off than boys since neurotypical girls often have more nuanced social and emotional dynamics than boys. Furthermore, girls are often more motivated to mask than boys . There usually is less parental and peer pressure for boys than girls to make social connections, so the boys put less effort into it. The expectation for social connection can be intense for girls so they may put all their energy into “fitting in”, even though doing so may feel completely unnatural and leave the girls exhausted. In summary, girls on the spectrum may look different than boys in the following ways: Higher levels of pretend play. More mimicking of role models (without understanding the real social meaning). Suppressing natural tendencies (such as special interests) to fit in. Acting quiet or shy at school (to fit in) but melting down at home (due to the emotional stress of masking during the day). Special interests for girls may be focused on imaginary animals (unicorns), real animals, crafts, environment, appearance and celebrities as opposed to computers, video games and transportation for boys (although these commonly crossover). Suffer from emotional bullying as opposed to boys who experience physical bullying (again, these cross over). Girls are more likely to internalize anxiety leading to depression while boys tend to behave more aggressively or have meltdowns. For a more exhaustive list, see Tania Marshall’s blog. This masking behavior can come at great cost, creating a constant worry of “Am doing it right?” and “Will I be discovered to be a fraud?”; thus, leaving many autistic girls feeling highly anxious and emotionally exhausted. REASON 2: MALE-CENTERED CLINICAL RESEARCH & FOCUS There is a second reason that girls/women are overlooked for ASD diagnosis. Since the early days of recognition of what was called Asperger’s (now ASD), the research was largely conducted by male researchers on male patients. The fundamental assumption was that autism was primarily a condition that belonged to males. Accordingly, the criteria for diagnosing autism and the methodologies for assessment became biased to identify male clients. This framework leaves many women outside of or on the borderline of the parameters for a clear ASD diagnosis so they end up without a diagnosis and little hope for a healing path forward. Even worse, they may be misdiagnosed as having ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. As expected, a misdiagnosis may lead to suboptimal treatment and extreme frustration and disappointment. DIFFERENCES & STRUGGLES Of course, young girls grow into women and the unequal treatment continues into adulthood along with the emotional struggles. Here are a few examples of how adult men and women present differently in adulthood: Adult autistic females are more comfortable than their male counterparts when interacting on a one-on-one basis. The women may often report that they have a few friends but would typically meet with them individually, not in a group. Men on the spectrum often report no friends. Adult autistic females are more likely to find a romantic partner , often putting a lot of effort (masking) in order to overcome loneliness. Men on the spectrum typically have more difficulty navigating the rules of romance, although this may be offset by lower expectations of romance from men. Adult autistic females are more likely to have the primary responsibility for parenting than autistic males. In spite of the pleasures of being a parent, children have never-ending emotional needs which can be confusing and overwhelming to a woman on the spectrum. STRUGGLES Given the forces that lead autistic girls and adult women to be overlooked and under-supported, many females believe that something is fundamentally wrong with them, thus feeling sad, lonely, and defective. These difficult emotions may lead to serious mental health conditions in women. In fact, studies show that women have more struggles than males on the spectrum including higher levels of anorexia, social anxiety, and self-harm. Still, men suffer as well, having a higher incidence of hyperactivity, conduct disorders, and stereotyped (repetitive) behaviors than autistic women. It is worth noting that these more typical male conditions are more visible and thus may contribute to the males being noticed, most often during childhood in the classroom, and thus receiving a diagnosis. We're here to help! Contact Us Now! Meet with our Client Care Coordinator FURTHER READING Consider: 'I was exhausted trying to figure it out': The experiences of females receiving an autism diagnosis in middle to late adulthood" Read about the experiences of late-in-life women diagnosed late in life. Finding the True Number of Females with Autistic Spectrum Disorder by Estimating the Biases in Initial Recognition and Clinical Diagnosis Could there be more females than males on the spectrum? The Female Autism Phenotype and Camouflaging: a Narrative Review For a deep dive into the Female Autistic Phenotype, check out this article. Physical health of Autistic Girls and Women: A Scoping Review Females with Autism: An Unofficial List Neurodivergent Minds This book is based on a paradigm-shifting study of neurodivergent women. Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

< Back Quick Guide - ADHD Couples Therapy Tip: Want more resources? 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation. KEY FACTS Many couples impacted by ADHD face painful patterns in their relationships , often leading to frustration and constant conflict rooted in missed expectations, forgetfulness, and poor follow-through. The non-ADHD partner often feels overburdened and alone , taking on more responsibilities and becoming resentful when efforts to ask for help are met with defensiveness or inaction. It’s important to remember: ADHD is a neurological condition , not a moral failing—so when an ADHD partner struggles with tasks or consistency, it reflects how their brain is wired , not who they are choosing to be. The ADHD partner may struggle with deep feelings of shame, inadequacy, and overwhelm , which can lead to avoidance, emotional withdrawal, or unhealthy coping mechanisms that damage trust and intimacy. Common relationship dynamics include a parent/child imbalance , frequent arguments over memory and responsibility, and the feeling that one partner is "always in trouble" while the other becomes the constant enforcer. Our team helps couples interrupt these cycles with ADHD-sensitive strategies, including the gentle ‘ visitor-based’ method , where the ADHD partner begins by simply showing up to a task and then decides whether to continue. This flexibility builds autonomy, while repeated practice increases confidence and makes task completion more manageable. Lasting change requires a customized, team-based approach , not just "trying harder." Through counseling, couples can learn how to take shared responsibility and treat each other with kindness as they co-create new, more supportive dynamics. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQS) What relationship problems are common in couples where one partner has ADHD? Couples affected by ADHD often experience recurring conflict, emotional distance , and power struggles. Missed responsibilities, forgetfulness, and poor follow-through can create a parent/child dynamic where one partner feels like the “enforcer” and the other feels constantly criticized. Over time, these ADHD relationship patterns can cause frustration, resentment, and disconnection. Why do non-ADHD partners often feel overburdened in ADHD relationships? Non-ADHD partners frequently take on a heavier share of responsibilities, leading to stress and burnout. When requests for help are met with defensiveness, inaction, or forgetfulness, the partner without ADHD can feel unsupported and alone. This imbalance is one of the most common reasons couples seek ADHD couples counseling. How does ADHD affect the partner who has it, and how does that impact the relationship? The partner with ADHD often struggles with shame, overwhelm, and feelings of inadequacy . These emotions can lead to avoidance, withdrawal, or unhealthy coping behaviors, which unintentionally damage trust and intimacy. Understanding how ADHD symptoms affect relationships is a key step in couples therapy. What is the visitor-based method in ADHD couples counseling? The visitor-based approach is a step-by-step strategy that helps the ADHD partner start a task by simply showing up, then deciding whether to continue. This flexibility builds autonomy, while repeated practice increases confidence and makes task completion more manageable. What makes ADHD couples therapy effective? Effective ADHD relationship counseling combines psychoeducation, communication skills, and emotional support. It focuses on shared responsibility, kindness, and practical strategies for managing ADHD symptoms at home. With the guidance of an ADHD-informed therapist, couples can interrupt destructive cycles and create more supportive, connected partnerships. Last reviewed: Oct. 2, 2025 • Authors: Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT (Clinical Director) and Jasmyne Mena (Director of Clinical Research & Scientific Communications, Senior Medical Writer, Neurodiversity) REFERENCES Dini, K. (2024). “I just don’t wanna” and the ADHD power of a visit . Neurodivergent Insights. https://neurodivergentinsights.com/power-of-a-visit/?srsltid=AfmBOoo4rmfgqZrq_V8dkif9dCYVqKAduwERYmyzH6RXzlMS22oeVdVG Ek, A., & Isaksson, G. (2013). How adults with ADHD get engaged in and perform everyday activities. Scandinavian Journal of Occupational Therapy , 20 (4), 282–291. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.3109/11038128.2013.799226 Ginapp, C. M., Greenberg, N. R., Macdonald-Gagnon, G., Angarita, G. A., Bold, K. W., & Potenza, M. N. (2023). The experiences of adults with ADHD in interpersonal relationships and online communities: A qualitative study. SSM. Qualitative research in health, 3, 100223. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssmqr.2023.100223 Knies, K., Bodalski, E. A., & Flory, K. (2021). Romantic relationships in adults with ADHD: The effect of partner attachment style on relationship quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38(1), 42–64. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520953898 Konrad, K., & Eickhoff, S. B. (2010). Is the ADHD brain wired differently? A review on structural and functional connectivity in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Human brain mapping, 31(6), 904–916. https://doi.org/10.1002/hbm.21058 Robbins, C. A. (2005). ADHD couple and family relationships: Enhancing communication and understanding through Imago Relationship Therapy. Journal of Clinical Psychology , 61 (5), 565–577. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1002/jclp.20120 Wymbs, B. T., Canu, W. H., Sacchetti, G. M., & Ranson, L. M. (2021). Adult ADHD and romantic relationships: What we know and what we can do to help. Journal of Marital & Family Therapy , 47 (3), 664–681. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1111/jmft.12475 Zeides Taubin, D., & Maeir, A. (2023). “I wish it wasn’t all on me”: women’s experiences living with a partner with ADHD. Disability and Rehabilitation , 46 (14), 3017–3025. https://doi.org/10.1080/09638288.2023.2239158 WHY CHOOSE US? DEPTH OF TEAM — 30+ neuro-informed therapists and coaches. 16,000+ sessions each year. The world’s largest practice dedicated to neurodiverse couples and individuals—so you benefit from deep, proven experience. WE ARE NEURODIVERSE: More than 90% of our clinicians are neurodiverse themselves, bringing a firsthand understanding of autism, ADHD, and related experiences. This lived perspective, combined with professional training, allows us to provide both expertise and genuine compassion to help you thrive. OUR MODEL: We use a neurodiverse counseling model —practical, skills- based, and tailored to each couple. We don’t pathologize difference; we name neurodiverse traits as natural human variations in communication style, sensory needs, social energy, and executive functioning. Together, we map those patterns so both partners can see what’s really happening (not what they’re blaming each other for). From there, we translate insight into action: shared language for signals and needs, simple agreements for sensory fit, clear routines for planning and follow-through, and repair tools that reduce defensiveness. The goal isn’t to make anyone “more normal.” It’s to help you work with your differences—so empathy grows, teamwork strengthens, and your bond gets measurably closer. STRENGTH-BASED: Our neurodiverse counseling model is strengths-based and neuro-affirming because that’s what works—well-supported in couples therapy and even more effective with neurodiverse couples. Instead of fixing “deficits,” we identify and deploy real assets—precision, honesty, loyalty, pattern recognition, creativity, deep focus—so they actively solve problems. This lowers shame, builds safety fast, and turns differences into shared tools: clearer signals and agreements, sensory fit instead of overload, and routines that reduce friction. The payoff is practical—fewer blowups, better follow-through, and a bond that strengthens because you’re using what you already do well, together. OUR TEAM: Our experts are deeply compassionate and dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples thrive. Three things set our team apart: Ongoing Specialized Training – All team members receive weekly training on neurodiversity-focused content, ensuring our approaches stay current and effective. Collaborative Case Support – We hold weekly supervision sessions, including case consultations, so that no couple’s challenges are handled in isolation—your therapist has a full team behind them. Continuous Professional Growth – Every therapist pursues ongoing continuing education in neurodiverse relationships, keeping us at the forefront of best practices. ASSESSMENTS: In addition to providing therapy, many of our clinicians are specially trained in conducting in-depth adult autism and ADHD assessments . If you’re seeking greater clarity or considering an in-depth evaluation, our team can guide you through the process with professionalism and care. INSURANCE — We are insurance-friendly. As an out-of-network provider, we will send you a Superbill for therapy services that you can submit to your insurance company for potential reimbursement. Please know that we do NOT bill insurance directly or participate as an in-network provider. For more information, please visit the "Insurance/Fee" section on our FAQ page. DIAGNOSIS OPTIONAL — You don’t need a diagnosis to get help with us. We can start with what’s happening now—communication loops, sensory needs, executive-function friction, meltdowns/shutdowns—and turn those patterns into clear agreements, better repairs, and real relief. If you’re in California and want a formal autism or ADHD evaluation , our licensed clinicians can provide it—but it’s not required to benefit. Either way, the goal is the same: less blame, more understanding, a stronger bond, and real individual healing. NOT A CRISIS SERVICE — We’re not a crisis service. If you’re ever in immediate danger, call 911. For urgent mental health support, call or text 988 or go to https://988lifeline.org Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is part of New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. WHO WE HELP We support neurodiverse couples and individuals nationwide through online therapy or coaching. Some common issues we help clients tackle include: Autism/ADHD differences Cassandra Syndrome Support Alexithymia Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Highly Sensitive People Parenting and co-parenting challenges Intimacy (both physical and emotional) Autism and ADHD assessments and self-screeners Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Recurring discussions about “tone,” initiative, alexithymia , or intimacy Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Discernment Counseling LEARN MORE 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation.

Our Neurodiverse Specialists are ready to help you work on your relationship. Whether one or both of you are autistic, have ADHD, or are otherwise neurodivergent, we are here to help! < Back Rachel Wheeler Neurodivergent-Affirming Therapist for Couples, Individuals, and Parents I don’t just study neurodiversity—I live it. I’m an AuDHD therapist, a neurodivergent parent navigating the complexities of raising a child with multiple neurodivergences, and someone who has spent her life learning how to translate across differences. I specialize in working with neurodivergent individuals and couples who are tired of being misunderstood—and ready to build relationships based on clarity, compassion, and connection. Neurodiversity Is My Special Interest If there were a degree in neurodiversity, I’d have it. I’ve taken over 50 courses across autism, ADHD, PDA (Pervasive Drive for Autonomy), trauma, relationships, and more. Understanding how the nervous system interacts with communication, identity, and attachment is my passion—and the foundation of how I work. Neurodivergence isn’t just a topic I care about—it’s who I am. I’m Autistic. I’m ADHD. I’m PDA. I’ve built a neurodiverse marriage and I’m raising a neurodivergent child. Everything I know clinically is grounded in lived experience. I’ve had to figure out, step by step, how to make relationships work outside the neurotypical mold. A Marriage Transformed Our Story My husband and I have been married for over 16 years, after spending 7 years as close friends. That long friendship built our foundation—but it didn’t prepare us for the confusion that came from not understanding our different neurotypes. We appreciated each other’s quirks, but communication was hard. We missed signals. We misread needs. It wasn’t until I received my diagnosis that everything finally made sense. Suddenly, what once felt like failure became clarity. Our relationship shifted from expectation and blame to mutual understanding and compassion. We stopped trying to force a mold—and instead began co-creating a relationship that supported both of us. One built not on obligation, but on respect and accommodation. Understanding our differences made room for greater connection. It allowed us to build a dynamic that amplifies our strengths and honors our needs. We’ve been through a lot. But time and again, we reconnect—and come back stronger. That’s what’s possible when both partners are committed to learning and growing together. How I Help Other Neurodiverse Couples My own experience allows me to support couples in ways that feel grounded, real, and hopeful. I work with partners who: Are just discovering they’re in a neurodiverse relationship Feel stuck in cycles of blame, disconnection, or shutdown Long for more clarity, respect, and emotional safety In therapy, I help couples: Understand the neurology beneath their differences Replace misinterpretations with curiosity and insight Create accommodations that support both partners Rebuild connection after ruptures or misunderstandings Neurodiverse relationships don’t need to be confusing or lonely. With the right tools and understanding, they can become some of the most resilient, creative, and fulfilling connections there are. PDA: A Drive for Autonomy, Not Defiance PDA—often called Pathological Demand Avoidance—is deeply misunderstood. I prefer to use the frame Pervasive Drive for Autonomy . People with PDA aren’t being oppositional—they’re responding to perceived threats to their autonomy. When something feels like a demand, their nervous system can go into shutdown or resistance. This trait shows up in kids, in adults, in couples. It impacts how we relate, how we parent, how we experience daily life. I help: Parents reduce power struggles and increase connection Individuals name what feels threatening and find accommodations Partners spot PDA patterns in their dynamic and respond with compassion Understanding PDA allows us to stop fighting what we don’t understand—and start connecting in ways that work. Twice Exceptional, Fully Myself I’m 2e — a person who lives at the intersection of giftedness and neurodivergence. My strengths are vivid and unconventional, but for years, my giftedness masked my challenges, leading to unmet needs, emotional overwhelm, and burnout. I’ve felt the weight of sensitivity — the kind that absorbs everything and can’t always let go — and I’ve known the ache of social isolation behind a capable exterior. Being twice exceptional means living with both brightness and complexity. It’s not about being “high-functioning” — it’s about being human in ways that don’t always fit the mold. I’m passionate about mental health, neurodiversity (including autism, PDA, and ADHD), and making space for people whose experiences don’t fit into neat categories. I now advocate for the kind of understanding I once needed — for myself and for others walking the same layered path. Parenting While Neurodivergent—and Raising ND Kids I’m parenting a beautifully complex, profoundly sensitive neurodivergent child. We adapt constantly. And we do it as two neurodivergent people learning from each other. What I’ve learned from my daughter is invaluable. She’s helped me understand masking, sensory needs, emotional safety—and how to advocate fiercely while staying grounded. That’s a skill I bring to the parents I work with. In therapy, I support parents who are: Struggling to find support that actually fits their child Grieving the loss of conventional expectations Managing meltdowns and shutdowns with limited reserves Trying to hold their child while also holding themselves Parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence, flexibility, and repair. I help parents feel resourced, seen, and ready to do things differently. The High Cost of Camouflaging I was a highly camouflaging autistic person. For years, I didn’t even realize how much I was masking—until I saw the difference in how my daughter moved through the world. Her authenticity gave me the courage to begin unmasking. Not recklessly—but thoughtfully. Purposefully. In ways that allowed me to stay safe while becoming more whole. In therapy, I help clients: Identify when and why they’re masking Reconnect with their authentic self Understand how camouflaging impacts mental health and relationships Masking is a brilliant strategy. But it doesn’t have to be your default. There are safer, softer ways to show up in the world—and we’ll explore them together. A Brush with Mortality That Changed Everything As an adult, I had a near-death experience. It was beautiful—but also clarifying. It reshaped my relationship to time, purpose, and presence. I carry that insight into my therapy work. Especially with couples, I hold space for: Savoring the present instead of clinging to old arguments Letting go of pettiness in favor of connection Remembering what really matters before it’s too late Therapy is where we slow down and remember how precious life is. It’s where we build relationships worth waking up for. Outside the Therapy Room I love walking in nature, practicing yoga, meditating, cooking with my daughter, listening to music, dancing, and watching British TV (another special interest). These joys keep me grounded—and they remind me that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Training and Background MS in Advanced Clinical Practice, Columbia University Two years of English language curriculum at the C.G. Jung Institute in Switzerland PDA North America Level 2 Certified PAST PDA UK Level 3 Certified 50+ advanced trainings in neurodivergence, trauma, and relationships What I Offer Therapy for neurodivergent couples, individuals, and parents Expertise in PDA, masking, emotional regulation, and communication A space grounded in lived experience, deep compassion, and clinical skill If you’ve felt like no one’s really gotten you—therapy with me might feel different. Not because you’re broken. But because you finally don’t have to pretend. When you’re ready, I’m here. More Associate Clinical Social Worker, #126649 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: AuDHD, ADHD, Autism, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Neurodiverse Couples, PDA, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients Rachel Wheeler Take an Autism Test

Our Neurodiverse Specialists are ready to help you work on your relationship. Whether one or both of you are Autistic, ADHD'er or otherwise neurodivergent, we are here to help. < Back Danielle Grossman, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist | Neurodiverse Couples Specialist | Supervisor Welcome! Hi, I’m Danielle. I specialize in working with neurodiverse couples who care deeply for each other but often feel stuck, misunderstood, or disconnected. If you’ve been struggling to bridge the gap between your experiences, communication styles, or emotional needs, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing anything wrong. In our work together, we’ll explore what’s getting in the way of connection and build new ways of understanding, relating, and supporting each other —without asking either of you to change who you are. How do you bring two people whose minds, bodies, nervous systems and brains interpret the world and express themselves in very different ways, toward mutual understanding and connection? That is what we figure out together. “What we have here is a failure to communicate” - movie ‘Cool Hand Luke’ My Journey Towards Therapy I graduated from Yale University with a degree in Ethics, Politics, and Economics. After years of exploration and travel, I discovered my passion for psychology and earned my Master’s in Integral Counseling Psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco. My approach integrates the latest in neuroscience and psychological research with somatic awareness, meditative traditions, and social justice. I am always learning and evolving—both from my clients and from the ever-deepening fields of trauma and neurodiversity. My work has expanded over the years to include consulting internationally with other therapists , allowing me to continue refining and sharing what I learn. A Unique Approach to Neurodiverse Relationships Relationships where one or both partners are neurodivergent can be rich and rewarding—but they also come with unique challenges. Communication breakdowns, sensory mismatches, emotional disconnect, and conflicting needs can leave couples feeling isolated or misunderstood. When I work with neurodiverse couples, we explore how two brilliant but very different minds can build bridges of empathy, clarity, and connection. My role is to help you understand each other better—not to change who you are, but to shift the patterns that are causing pain. What Working Together Looks Like By the time couples come to see me, many are caught in painful cycles of miscommunication, frustration, and disconnection. But the truth is: patterns can change , even when people stay exactly who they are. Together, we work toward: Greater emotional and sensory safety Clearer communication and conflict resolution Stronger mutual understanding More intimacy, joy, and respect Calmer nervous systems and better co-regulation A deeper sense of partnership Some couples want to focus on deep emotional work; others need practical help with daily stressors like parenting, budgeting, or task-sharing. Most find a blend of both is ideal. I adapt to your needs and pace—and your feedback always guides the process. How I Can Support You As a Couple Neurodiverse couples therapy with me can include: Individual check-ins as part of the couples framework Support for relationship-specific challenges (conflict, intimacy, parenting) Guidance through life stressors (chronic illness, fertility, grief, career changes) Referrals to trusted colleagues for individual therapy if needed If you or your partner identifies as neurodivergent, or you’re a neurotypical partner trying to understand your neurodivergent loved one, I’m here to help you move toward connection and compassion—without losing yourselves. Life Stressors and Your Relationship Relationships do not take place in a bubble. My work with couples can include supporting you as a couple with a range of life stressors: Addiction (substance use and behavioral) Problems with food and eating Dealing with narcissistic or toxic people in your lives Deciding whether to have a child or more children Fertility issues Postpartum anxiety and depression Anxiety and depression associated with the menopause transition Chronic illness or medical problems Career transitions Aging parents Death of loved ones Children going through crises or developmental challenges Balancing time between athletics, special interests and relationships Managing difficult interpersonal aspects of your work environment Individual Therapy for Neurodivergent Adults In addition to couples work, I offer individual therapy —especially for adults who identify as neurodivergent or feel “wired differently” from the world around them My approach is always tailored to you —your brain, your body, your experiences, and your goals. Many of my clients come to therapy feeling confused about why life feels so hard, even when they're trying their best. You might feel stuck between what you know you're capable of and what feels possible in everyday life. You might be navigating anxiety, burnout, shame, unstable self-esteem, or patterns of self-blame that have taken root after years of being misunderstood. In our work together, we’ll gently uncover the patterns —emotional, cognitive, and nervous system-based—that have helped you survive, but may no longer be serving you. We’ll explore practical tools for s elf-regulation, build self-compassion, and work toward relationships and routines that actually support who you are. We’ll go deep—but we’ll also stay grounded in the realities of your life, your stressors, and your hopes for change. Education M.A. in Integral Counseling Psychology – California Institute of Integral Studies B.A. in Ethics, Politics & Economics – Yale University Approaches & Modalities Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Somatic Psychology Psychodynamic Theory Mindfulness & Meditative Practices Trauma-Informed Therapy License & Employment Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #42516 Clinical Supervisor - New Path Family of Therapy Centers Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Cassandra Syndrome Support, Sex/Physical Intimacy, Communication, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Eating & Autism, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Accepting New Individual Clients Only Danielle Grossman Take an Autism Test

Harry Motro, PsyD, Clinical Director, LMFT Listen to the Summary below: Listen to a podcast-style audio summary of this research. It’s an excellent way to digest these new findings quickly. Beyond the "Spectrum": New Science Reveals 4 Distinct Types of Autism 0:00 ism Trait Wheel For decades, we’ve used the word "spectrum" to describe autism. We visualize a linear line stretching from "mild" to "severe," trying to find where we or our loved ones fit. But in my years working with neurodiverse couples, that model has often felt incomplete. It doesn’t quite capture the brilliant engineer who struggles to read his wife’s facial expressions, or the deeply empathetic partner who shuts down when overwhelmed by sensory noise. Now, groundbreaking research is finally catching up to what we see in the therapy room every day. A new study from Princeton University and the Flatiron Institute suggests that autism isn't just one thing—it’s actually four distinct biological types , each with its own genetic timeline. How This Research Was Done This discovery wasn't based on simple behavioral observations. It utilized sophisticated genetic analysis and advanced computational science (AI) that wasn't possible even a few years ago. By applying machine learning to analyze massive genetic datasets from the Simons Foundation, scientists were able to decompose complex data into clear patterns. This allowed them to see distinct biological "signatures" that the human eye—and traditional diagnostic tools—had previously missed. Our Client Base: The "Invisible" Majority What is most fascinating about this research is that the first two groups identified—comprising about 70% of the population —are the exact individuals we work with most frequently at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . These are the partners who often mask well, hold down successful careers, but struggle deeply with the relational and social demands of marriage. Here is the breakdown of the four (4) distinct phenotypes (types): 1. The "Social and/or Behavioral" Type Prevalence: ~37% (The largest group). Typical Diagnosis Age: Late (Age 6+ to Adulthood). Clinical Presentation: Individuals are often high-functioning and cognitively brilliant but struggle significantly with social demands. There is a high comorbidity with ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Biological Markers: Late-Activation Genes. Mutations are present at birth but often do not "activate" until later in childhood or adolescence. Suggested Clinical Focus: Mental health integration (treating anxiety/ADHD), executive function coaching, and support with relationship dynamics rather than basic developmental skills. 2. The "Moderate Challenges" Type Prevalence: ~33%. Typical Diagnosis Age: Variable (often missed in early screenings). Clinical Presentation: Displays the hallmark traits of neurodivergence—such as social communication differences and repetitive habits—but without the cognitive delays seen in other groups. Biological Markers: Subtle Genetic Architecture. Driven by "common variants" scattered throughout the DNA rather than single, high-impact mutations. Suggested Clinical Focus: Strength-based support focusing on self-advocacy, sensory regulation, and "translating" social nuances. 3. The "Mixed" Type Prevalence: ~19%. Typical Diagnosis Age: Early (Toddlerhood). Clinical Presentation: A complex presentation involving early developmental delays (speech or motor skills), yet often showing fewer emotional struggles like anxiety or aggression compared to the first group. Biological Markers: Variable Expression. Linked to a high rate of inherited rare variants, where genes are often active prenatally. Suggested Clinical Focus: Developmental support, with speech, occupational, and physical therapy often being the primary interventions. 4. The "Broadly Affected" Type Prevalence: ~10% (The smallest group). Typical Diagnosis Age: Very Early (Infancy/Toddler). Clinical Presentation: Severe challenges across all domains, including communication, social interaction, and daily living skills. Biological Markers: High-Impact Mutations. Often linked to "de novo" (spontaneous) mutations that occur for the first time in the child. Suggested Clinical Focus: Comprehensive care requiring high-level support needs, often involving complex medical and behavioral care planning. Visualizing the Complexity: The Autism Trait Wheel Because these "types" are not rigid boxes, we need better tools to visualize how they show up in real life. This is why we utilize the Autism Trait Wheel in our assessments. Rather than a straight line from "less autistic" to "more autistic," the Trait Wheel allows us to map a person's unique strengths and struggles across specific categories—like sensory processing, executive function, and social perception. It helps us see exactly where you fit within these new biological categories. Why This Matters for Your Relationship This research is profoundly validating because it offers a biological answer to the question many of our clients ask: "Why now?" Many partners we see are confused because they navigated childhood successfully—hitting milestones, performing well in school—only to hit a wall in adulthood when the complexities of marriage, parenting, or career dynamics increased. This study reveals that for the largest group of autistic individuals, the genes involved may not even activate until later in development. This means your current struggles aren't a sign of regression or failure; they are simply the result of a distinct biological timeline. Understanding this helps us move away from blame and toward our core goal: acting as a "Translator" to bridge the gap between neurological languages. You don't need to bridge this gap alone. Let’s work together to translate your neurological differences into a shared language that works for your marriage. [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References Cha, A. E. (2024). New science points to 4 distinct types of autism. The Washington Post . https://apple.news/AbM0W3IXWQc2fzc39hfMLzA Litman, A., Sauerwald, N., Snyder, L. G., Foss-Feig, J., Park, C. Y., Hao, Y., Dinstein, I., Theesfeld, C. L., & Troyanskaya, O. G. (2025). Decomposition of phenotypic heterogeneity in autism reveals underlying genetic programs. Nature Genetics . https://doi.org/10.1038/s41588-025-02224-z Matuskey, D., Yang, Y., Naganawa, M., ... & McPartland, J. C. (2024). 11C-UCB-J PET imaging is consistent with lower synaptic density in autistic adults. Molecular Psychiatry , 30, 1610–1616. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-024-02776-2 Zhang, X., et al. (2025). Polygenic and developmental profiles of autism differ by age at diagnosis. Nature . https://doi.org/10.1038/s41586-025-09542-6 Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Hello Neurodiverse Couples Community! 🌈 Think you understand autism? What if there’s another way to see it? Could it be a framework rooted in how our brains work moment-to-moment? Predictive processing is a fascinating model that shows how we all, autistic or not, navigate the world by creating internal “blueprints” or expectations. These mental maps help us anticipate what’s coming, sparing us from reinterpreting every situation from scratch. For autistic individuals, these blueprints can be especially detailed, offering stability but also creating challenges when the world doesn’t line up. Watch or listen instead of reading — this video covers the same topic in a more personal, conversational way. Educational use only — not therapy or advice. Therapy for CA residents · Coaching worldwide. If in crisis, call 988 (U.S.) 🔍 What is Predictive Processing? At its core, predictive processing is the brain’s way of making sense of the world by forming mental “blueprints” based on past experiences and current sensory information. Everyone’s brain operates this way. Here’s how it works: The brain starts with a hypothesis about what’s likely to happen, drawing from previous experiences and the current context. Then, as sensory information comes in , it compares reality to the blueprint, looking for alignment. When there’s a prediction error — a mismatch between expectation and experience—the brain adjusts its internal model, gradually improving accuracy for future predictions. This prediction process helps us avoid the exhausting task of re-evaluating each new experience from scratch, saving energy and helping us move smoothly through life. For autistic individuals, these mental maps tend to be highly detailed and specific, creating a strong sense of stability but also less flexibility when unexpected events arise. This approach is both adaptive and protective; by continually refining its “blueprint,” the brain creates a sense of predictability in a world that might otherwise feel overwhelming. Understanding these blueprints can help partners communicate and interact in ways that feel safe, supportive, and genuinely aligned with each other. 🌐 Predictive Processing in Action: A Real-Life Example Imagine you and your autistic partner plan to meet friends at a new restaurant. Here’s how their brain might process this experience through three possible “vectors”: Physical Experience Matches the Blueprint: Your partner anticipates a quiet restaurant, familiar food, and a small group of friends. When reality aligns with this expectation, they feel calm, their internal blueprint stays steady, and the experience is positive. Experience Deviates Within Tolerance: The restaurant is a bit noisier than expected, or there’s a delay in seating. While these details don’t perfectly match their mental map, they’re still within a “zone of tolerance.” These small variations are manageable, and their blueprint can adjust, allowing the overall experience to stay comfortable. Experience Challenges the Blueprint: Now imagine the restaurant is crowded, music is loud, and the menu is unfamiliar. This situation directly conflicts with their blueprint, which can feel jarring or overwhelming. Their brain struggles to reconcile these differences, leading to anxiety or withdrawal as they try to process the experience. For autistic individuals , these mental maps are often very specific, and the world is examined in finer detail, and with heightened sensitivity to sensory input. Large deviations from the mental blueprint can lead to overload or frustration. And, for their partners, understanding these reactions as part of a finely tuned map helps partners create more supportive and understanding interactions. 💡 How Predictive Processing Challenges Traditional Autism Views Traditional approaches to autism often focus on observable traits—like social challenges or repetitive actions—and view these as isolated behaviors to “manage.” Predictive processing shifts the focus inward, showing how behaviors reflect an internal logic. Instead of viewing these behaviors as “quirks,” we start asking: “How does this person’s unique blueprint provide stability in a complex world?” This perspective encourages a new kind of respect for each person’s natural mental structure, guiding us to support these patterns rather than attempt to change them. 🛠️ Practical Interventions: Putting Predictive Processing to Work Our neuro-informed specialists understand how predictive processing shapes your relationship. With this understanding, we design interventions that embrace and work with each partner’s unique blueprint, enhancing connection. Mapping Communication Styles: Everyone’s mental map is different, and uncovering each partner’s communication style is key. We help you both understand these maps so you can communicate in ways that resonate, without feeling forced or uncomfortable. Routine Flexibility & Adaptation: Routines offer a sense of stability, particularly for autistic individuals, but flexibility is essential too. We work with couples to craft routines that provide predictability without feeling rigid, balancing the needs of both partners. Emotional Calibration Based on Predictive Maps: Emotions often reflect how much a situation matches or deviates from each person’s mental blueprint. We teach couples how to recognize and adjust to each other’s emotional cues, bringing alignment without misunderstandings. Making Detail Focus a Tool for Clarity: Many autistic individuals notice specific details that others might overlook. We help partners use these details to enhance communication and add depth to their conversations, seeing this focus as a strength. Creating Safe Predictive Spaces: Establishing predictable, shared “safe spaces”—whether routines, rituals, or specific activities—grounds the relationship, helping both partners feel secure within the relationship even amid external changes. Aligning Expectations & Checking In: Misaligned expectations can create frustration. Our specialists guide you in regular check-ins, allowing each partner to align their mental maps and navigate experiences together with trust and openness. 🧭 Ready to Explore the Depths of Your Relationship? Imagine if understanding each other wasn’t about “fixing” but about uncovering the hidden logic behind your partner’s world. Are you ready to see their experiences in a new way—and let them see yours? When you’re ready, our neuro-informed specialists will be there to help. Warmly, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center 🔦 Spotlight on Nancy Rushing If your relationships or personal journey feel overwhelmed by the complexities of neurodiversity, Nancy Rushing is the specialist who truly understands the nuances of being both an HSP and navigating life with ADHD. With her lived experience as a neurodivergent individual and a parent of two highly sensitive children, Nancy brings a compassionate, firsthand perspective to her work, helping clients feel seen and supported. Nancy’s superpower? She uncovers the deeper emotional patterns and attachment needs that shape relationships and individual experiences, whether you’re navigating anxiety, sensory sensitivities, or the unique dynamics of neurodiverse partnerships. With her integrative therapeutic approach, Nancy combines evidence-based modalities like CBT, EFT, and trauma-informed care to tailor sessions to your unique challenges. Together, you’ll discover tools to break free from repetitive cycles, gain clarity and confidence, and build relationships that honor both individuality and connection . Contact Nancy Today! Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Think You May be Masking Your Autistic Traits? The Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) may be used to identify autistic individuals who do not currently meet diagnostic criteria due to their ability to mask. Take the CAT-Q Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Heal your neurodiverse relationhip on a couple's retreat with Barbara Lazarony, AMFT, Neurodiverse Couples Specialist Contact: Blaze@BlazeLazarony.com Phone: 707-400-5346 Book free consult with Barbara Neurodiverse Couples' Retreat with Barbara Lazarony Invest in Your Relationship: A Neurodiverse Couples' Retreat Can Help You Connect on a Deeper Level As neurodiverse couples, it can be hard to find time and space to explore your relationship. Our daily routines and responsibilities can get in the way of focusing on what matters most. That's why a couples retreat is the perfect way to carve out time and space to reconnect. It provides a safe, nurturing environment that allows both of you to step back, reflect and create a shared vision for your partnership. Gaining clarity on your feelings, goals, and values can help you each bring understanding, harmony, and an even deeper connection to each other – something worth investing in! Sharing Your Stories One of the most important aspects of any relationship is communication. Neurodiverse couples need to prioritize communication and understanding to build strong relationships. It is important for both partners to be open and honest about their individual needs and feelings, as well as be patient and accepting of one another's differences. Additionally, creating a safe space where each partner can express themselves without fear of judgment or criticism is essential. During a couples retreat, you will have the opportunity to get to know each other more deeply by discovering what makes the two of you unique. This could involve exploring childhood experiences or current struggles; all stories are valid! As a skilled couples facilitator, I will help you identify patterns in communication that might be holding your neurodiverse relationship back from reaching its full potential. Most importantly, I will guide you toward finding common ground so you can feel heard and respected. Getting Out Of Your Comfort Zone Together A good couples retreat offers structured activities to facilitate a connection between partners through fun activities like trust-building exercises or creative projects. These out-of-the-box experiences reignite playfulness in the relationship and help people move away from their usual patterns into something new! It is also important for neurodiverse couples to focus on problem-solving together rather than assigning blame or feeling guilty for miscommunications; doing something new can support you in creating a new way of being together. Whether learning to dance together or participating in group discussions, these activities can bring about an understanding beyond words necessary for lasting harmony in any neurodiverse partnership. Creating A Shared Vision For The Future Finally, one of the main takeaways from attending a neurodiverse couples retreat should be gaining clarity on what you both want for the future of your partnership. With this newfound understanding comes a shared vision of what kind of relationship you would like to build - one that feels fulfilling both individually and collectively! It’s also essential to find ways to make time for shared hobbies and experiences that can help strengthen the connection between you in a neurodiverse relationship. Having a clear vision for your future helps clarify your roles within the partnership, which helps create harmony over time. Investing in a neurodiverse couples retreat can genuinely transform your relationship by providing structure and guidance around creating a meaningful connection with each other. It provides an opportunity for growth within yourself too. It gives insight into how both of you as individuals can come together as one unit to create something beautiful - something worth investing in! So, if you are ready to deepen your connection with your partner, let’s book your neurodiverse couples retreat today! ABOUT BARBARA LAZARONY Barbara (Blaze) Lazarony, MA is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist #127882, Registered Associate Professional Clinical Counselor #10253, Transpersonal Coach, Certified Trauma Professional, Author & Speaker. Read Barbara's full bio here . Licenses Registered Associate, AMFT #127882 Registered Associate, APCC #10253 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc. Contact Blaze@BlazeLazarony.com Phone: 707-400-5346

Ever feel like your partner is in their own private world, intensely fascinated by certain topics or hobbies? This intense focus is known as monotropism , and it's quite common among our neurodiverse friends! Is Monotropism a "Theory"? Yes! Unlike traditional views that pathologize autism as a disorder, monotropism theory suggests that autistic individuals possess a focused attention system , giving them the ability to concentrate intensely on a limited number of interests, thoughts, or activities at any given time. At t he Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , we embrace the beauty of these unique attention styles. Monotropism isn't just a trait - it can be a superpower that offers depth, passion, and consistency in neurodiverse relationships. Why Should This Matter to You? Understanding the role of monotropism in your relationship can revolutionize how you connect and communicate with your partner. Here are some ways that Monotropism can help your relationship thrive: - Depth of Knowledge: Embrace the profound insights and expertise your partner brings into your lives. - Passion and Dedication: Appreciate their unwavering commitment to what they love – maybe it's a hobby... or you! - Consistency and Reliability: Count on their steadfast focus where it counts. But let's be real— monotropism can also pose challenges in flexibility, communication, and emotional connectivity. Here's How Our Therapists Can Help You Overcome the Challenges: - Set Clear Boundaries: We guide partners in establishing when to dive deep into personal interests and when to prioritize shared activities or relationship duties. This includes building in transition time so a shift of focus is not abrupt. - Adapt Communication Strategies: We'll help you find new ways to communicate that respect each other's focus styles, improving your mutual understanding. - Avoid Demand Avoidance: We also take special care to address potential triggers for demand avoidance, working to create an environment that feels collaborative rather than coercive. - Foster Emotional Intimacy: We provide strategies that assist both partners in expressing their needs and feelings more effectively, deepening your emotional connection. - Enhance Appreciation: We help you see the unique advantages of your partner's focus as strengths in your relationship. Next Steps For Individuals: If all of this information has you reflecting on your own fascinations and whether or not you have a monotropic style of cognition, take our Monotropism Questionnaire . It's designed to uncover how you and your partner's focus styles mesh or clash, paving the way for tailored strategies that strengthen your bond. For Couples: Understanding the dual impact of monotropism—its advantages and challenges—can profoundly transform neurodiverse relationships. We are dedicated to guiding couples through understanding and adapting to these dynamics, fostering a supportive and empathetic relationship. Ready to deepen your connection and understanding? Click Here To Match With An Expert All the best, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel