Rachel Wheeler | Neurodivergent-Affirming Therapist for Couples, Individuals, and Parents

I don’t just study neurodiversity—I live it.

I’m an AuDHD therapist, a neurodivergent parent navigating the complexities of raising a child with multiple neurodivergences, and someone who has spent her life learning how to translate across differences.

I specialize in working with neurodivergent individuals and couples who are tired of being misunderstood—and ready to build relationships based on clarity, compassion, and connection.

Neurodiversity Is My Special Interest

If there were a degree in neurodiversity, I’d have it. I’ve taken over 50 courses across autism, ADHD, PDA (Pervasive Drive for Autonomy), trauma, relationships, and more. Understanding how the nervous system interacts with communication, identity, and attachment is my passion—and the foundation of how I work.

Neurodivergence isn’t just a topic I care about—it’s who I am. 

I’m Autistic. 

I’m ADHD. 

I’m PDA. 

I’ve built a neurodiverse marriage and I’m raising a neurodivergent child. 

Everything I know clinically is grounded in lived experience. I’ve had to figure out, step by step, how to make relationships work outside the neurotypical mold.

A Marriage Transformed

Our Story

My husband and I have been married for over 16 years, after spending 7 years as close friends. That long friendship built our foundation—but it didn’t prepare us for the confusion that came from not understanding our different neurotypes.

We appreciated each other’s quirks, but communication was hard. We missed signals. We misread needs. It wasn’t until I received my diagnosis that everything finally made sense.

Suddenly, what once felt like failure became clarity. Our relationship shifted from expectation and blame to mutual understanding and compassion. We stopped trying to force a mold—and instead began co-creating a relationship that supported both of us. One built not on obligation, but on respect and accommodation.

Understanding our differences made room for greater connection. It allowed us to build a dynamic that amplifies our strengths and honors our needs. We’ve been through a lot. But time and again, we reconnect—and come back stronger. That’s what’s possible when both partners are committed to learning and growing together.

How I Help Other Neurodiverse Couples

My own experience allows me to support couples in ways that feel grounded, real, and hopeful. I work with partners who:

• Are just discovering they’re in a neurodiverse relationship

• Feel stuck in cycles of blame, disconnection, or shutdown

• Long for more clarity, respect, and emotional safety

  
  

In therapy, I help couples:

• Understand the neurology beneath their differences

• Replace misinterpretations with curiosity and insight

• Create accommodations that support both partners

• Rebuild connection after ruptures or misunderstandings

  
  

Neurodiverse relationships don’t need to be confusing or lonely. With the right tools and understanding, they can become some of the most resilient, creative, and fulfilling connections there are.

PDA: A Drive for Autonomy, Not Defiance

PDA—often called Pathological Demand Avoidance—is deeply misunderstood. I prefer to use the frame Pervasive Drive for Autonomy. People with PDA aren’t being oppositional—they’re responding to perceived threats to their autonomy. When something feels like a demand, their nervous system can go into shutdown or resistance.

This trait shows up in kids, in adults, in couples. It impacts how we relate, how we parent, how we experience daily life. I help:

• Parents reduce power struggles and increase connection

• Individuals name what feels threatening and find accommodations

• Partners spot PDA patterns in their dynamic and respond with compassion
  

Understanding PDA allows us to stop fighting what we don’t understand—and start connecting in ways that work.

Twice Exceptional, Fully Myself

I’m 2e — a person who lives at the intersection of giftedness and neurodivergence.

My strengths are vivid and unconventional, but for years, my giftedness masked my challenges,

leading to unmet needs, emotional overwhelm, and burnout.

I’ve felt the weight of sensitivity — the kind that absorbs everything and can’t always let go — and I’ve known the ache of social isolation behind a capable exterior.

Being twice exceptional means living with both brightness and complexity. It’s not about

being “high-functioning” — it’s about being human in ways that don’t always fit the mold.

I’m passionate about mental health, neurodiversity (including autism, PDA, and ADHD), and

making space for people whose experiences don’t fit into neat categories.

I now advocate for the kind of understanding I once needed — for myself and for others walking the same

layered path.

Parenting While Neurodivergent—and Raising ND Kids

I’m parenting a beautifully complex, profoundly sensitive neurodivergent child. We adapt constantly. And we do it as two neurodivergent people learning from each other.

What I’ve learned from my daughter is invaluable. She’s helped me understand masking, sensory needs, emotional safety—and how to advocate fiercely while staying grounded. That’s a skill I bring to the parents I work with.

In therapy, I support parents who are:

• Struggling to find support that actually fits their child

• Grieving the loss of conventional expectations

• Managing meltdowns and shutdowns with limited reserves

• Trying to hold their child while also holding themselves

  
  

Parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence, flexibility, and repair. I help parents feel resourced, seen, and ready to do things differently.

The High Cost of Camouflaging

I was a highly camouflaging autistic person. For years, I didn’t even realize how much I was masking—until I saw the difference in how my daughter moved through the world.

Her authenticity gave me the courage to begin unmasking. Not recklessly—but thoughtfully. Purposefully. In ways that allowed me to stay safe while becoming more whole.

In therapy, I help clients:

• Identify when and why they’re masking

• Reconnect with their authentic self

• Understand how camouflaging impacts mental health and relationships

  
  

Masking is a brilliant strategy. But it doesn’t have to be your default. There are safer, softer ways to show up in the world—and we’ll explore them together.

A Brush with Mortality That Changed Everything

As an adult, I had a near-death experience. It was beautiful—but also clarifying. It reshaped my relationship to time, purpose, and presence.

I carry that insight into my therapy work. Especially with couples, I hold space for:

• Savoring the present instead of clinging to old arguments

• Letting go of pettiness in favor of connection

• Remembering what really matters before it’s too late
  

Therapy is where we slow down and remember how precious life is. It’s where we build relationships worth waking up for.

Outside the Therapy Room

I love walking in nature, practicing yoga, meditating, cooking with my daughter, listening to music, dancing, and watching British TV (another special interest).

These joys keep me grounded—and they remind me that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful.

Training and Background

• MS in Advanced Clinical Practice, Columbia University

• Two years of English language curriculum at the C.G. Jung Institute in Switzerland

• PDA North America Level 2 Certified

• PAST PDA UK Level 3 Certified

• 50+ advanced trainings in neurodivergence, trauma, and relationships

What I Offer

• Therapy for neurodivergent couples, individuals, and parents

• Expertise in PDA, masking, emotional regulation, and communication

• A space grounded in lived experience, deep compassion, and clinical skill
  

If you’ve felt like no one’s really gotten you—therapy with me might feel different. Not because you’re broken. But because you finally don’t have to pretend.

When you’re ready, I’m here.

More

• Associate Clinical Social Worker, #126649

• Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452

• Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers