< Back Liz McClanahan Living Neurodiversity I live in a neurodiverse family every day. My husband is on the Autism Spectrum and received his diagnosis later in life. I am so proud of my 26-year marriage and the fact that we were able to reconcile after a divorce and remarry. My two children are also on the Spectrum . They have taught me how differences can be intensely beautiful and frustrating at the same time. Having a neurodiverse marriage and parenting my preteen son and adult daughter give me a unique point of view to better understand and empathize with my clients and their challenges in a way that simply cannot be taught in books. ​ Podcast Listen to Liz discuss Neurodiversity on the Neurodiverse Love Podcast Understanding You “When you meet one person with Autism, you’ve met one person with Autism.” - Dr. Stephen Shore, autistic professor, author, ​ Everyone is different, every couple is unique. As a therapist, my goal is to understand you and your distinct relationship. Just because I have personal experience with neurodiversity does not mean I am automatically an expert on your relationship. I aim to learn who you are and how you relate to your partner in your own unique way. I can provide a safe, non-judgmental, empathetic space for couples to come together on a healing journey and work towards accomplishing their relationship goals. Over time, a couple’s relationship may start to break down when neurodivergent differences turn into dysfunctional patterns resulting in disagreements, loneliness, hopelessness, and pain. The good news is that there is hope, I help couples navigate their relational patterns, bridge communication gaps, and facilitate an understanding and honoring of the couple’s differences. ​ Neurotypical Partner Challenges As an NT partner myself, I empathize with the pain that can come from communication break down and misunderstandings in a neurodiverse relationship. In the past, I felt that no one understood what I was going through, including therapists who lacked neurodiverse training or experience. This only compounded my pain and thoughts that my marriage could not get any better. My spouse and I have since learned how to make our marriage work in our own way. I understand him and his needs the best way that I can and vice versa . For this reason, I am passionate about helping couples do the same. I can offer a beacon of hope for couples because I know change within a relationship is possible. Neurodiverse Couple Challenges There are some unique aspects of how the AS brain processes and expresses information that differs from the NT brain; although this may bring tremendous advantages in certain areas of life, it can make relating to others and everyday activities difficult and stressful for both partners. Topics which are common in neurodiverse couples that I work with include: Alexithymia - a person has difficulty identifying and expressing emotions Executive functioning capabilities - cognitive processes Sensory issues - identifying when AS partner feels overstimulated Masking- AS partner has high-stress levels while trying to “pass” as neurotypical Transitions - AS partner has high-stress levels transitioning to different topics or activities ·Communication - both partners misunderstand each other’s behavior and needs Defense mode - understanding flight, fight, or freeze mode and how to cope Past emotional wounds - AS partner not feeling accepted, being bullied, or internalizing negative labels from the neurotypical society (trauma) Empathy - AS partner may struggle to understand how their partner is feeling These aspects of the Neurodiverse partner do not make that person good or bad. My job is to help you bridge the gaps that exist between you ; in emotional processing, getting things done (executive function), managing the world you live in (sensory issues), making transitions, communicating, reacting to each other (with less defensiveness), and healing wounds. Neurodiverse Parenting Parenting is not easy! Perhaps you, your spouse, or your children are on the Autism Spectrum, and you feel stuck, frustrated, sad, lost, and don’t know where to turn for help. I have over 24 years of personal experience with raising Autistic children alongside my AS spouse. Neurodiverse families have parenting issues specific to them that an experienced therapist is trained to treat. I work with couples to cope with the complexities of parenting. As parents, we all want our children to be successful, happy, and healthy. Some families have the added stress of co-parenting in a blended family or parallel parenting. I am here to listen, understand, and coach parents to navigate high conflict situations, build their parenting skills, and create a family environment where each family member can thrive. Whether your goals are to reduce conflict, reduce stress, or increase communication; I guide parents through techniques aimed at building a stronger relationship with their children and creating the results desired. ​ Education and Licensing I am a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and a Neurodiverse Couples Coach. I earned my master’s degree in Clinical Psychology from Azusa Pacific University (APU). My professional career is dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples to heal emotional wounds, improve communication, reduce conflict, and increase intimacy. Areas of Focus (in addition to Neurodiversity): General Couples Therapy Intimacy, Sex Affair Recovery Anger Management Divorce Life Transitions Families including Parenting, Co-Parenting, Blended Families Depression, Anxiety, Mood Disorders, Personality Disorders Clients Couples, Families, Men, Women Modalities Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), Narrative Therapy, Solution-Focused Brief Therapy (SFBT), Person-Centered Therapy, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), Gottman Method, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Family System Therapy, Positive Psychology, Trauma-informed Therapy License Registered Associate Marriage & Family Therapist, AMFT #133330 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc. ​ Specialty areas: ADHD, Autism, Parenting Neurodiversity, Discernment, Internal Family Systems, Neurodiverse Couples, ND at Work, Parenting Reach Out Now First name Last name Email If you have a therapist(s) already in mind, include their names here: Send Thanks for reaching out! We will respond within 24 hours.

< Back Nicole Knowlton Neurodiverse Couples Nicole was in a long-term relationship where neurodiversity was present . Nicole understands and believes that it is vital to identify solid communication strategies between partners, using specific techniques for handling relationship troubles, whether perpetual or solvable. These techniques encourage the understanding that emotions are important, there is no absolute reality, only two subjective ones, acceptance is crucial, and a development of fondness and admiration within the relationship. Nicole encourages couples to celebrate the small steps towards a larger goal and helps keep focus on what the couple can do to set themselves up to thrive. ​ Parenting Neurodiverse Children Nicole has personal experience as a mother of a neurodivergent teen, and appreciates that parenting neurodivergent children can be exponentially intense. Nicole has navigated the educational battles to obtain IEP and 504 plans, and understands the unique family environment needed to help families to support each other. She teaches parents positive parenting skills that encourage the use of “Why?” to address the child’s behavior, focusing on an understanding of the purpose that behavior serves the child and what they are trying to tell you. Allowing the behavior to inform what needs to be put into place ahead of time to help the child manage the particular challenge, and also ensuring that consequences are related to the behavior/issue as a last resort to addressing behavior. Nicole encourages parents to catch their child’s positive behaviors whenever possible and to name specifically what they see so as to encourage the positive behavior to reoccur. Other Areas of Focus Addiction Anger Management Major Life Transition Support, co-parenting, blended families, separation/divorce Parent Coaching Sex Therapy​ Neurodiverse Couples Retreat - Nicole Knowlton specializes in virtual couples retreats offered over Zoom or in-person couples retreats in Southern California. ​ Education Undergraduate degree in Business, Double Master’s degree in Psychology and Alternate Dispute Resolution Juris Doctorate degree ​ Clients Couples Families Modalities Coaching Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) Gottman Method Internal Family Systems (IFS) Solution Focused Brief (SFBT) Strength-Based Structural Family Therapy More about Nicole In addition to her couples therapy and coaching, Nicole has a mediation private practice in Irvine, California. She also facilitates Batterer’s Intervention Groups, teaches parenting and anger management groups, and helps clients and families combat addiction. License Registered Associate, AMFT# 122657 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc. Specialty areas: Addiction, Assessment, Blended, Autism, Parenting Neurodiversity, ND at Work, ADHD, Neurodiverse Couples, Internal Family Systems, DBT, Couples Retreat, Parenting Reach Out Now First name Last name Email If you have a therapist(s) already in mind, include their names here: Send Thanks for reaching out! We will respond within 24 hours.

< Back Steve Howard “The world needs different kinds of minds working together.” Temple Grandin Improving Neurodiverse Relationship Skills Steve has personal experience working with neurodiversity and believes that neurodiverse couples can learn new skills to help them break old patterns and relate to one another in new ways. To some extent, all couples enter into their relationships with a lack of interpersonal skills and insufficient knowledge of who their partner is as a person. For neurodiverse couples, this skill deficit is magnified by being uninformed about how they are differently wired. Being uninformed often leads to unhealthy ways of seeing and reacting to their partner. It creates separateness where you are hoping to build togetherness. With Steve, each week in therapy, you will learn skills to help improve the intimacy that will become the glue that binds you together. Steve will be careful to facilitate the skill building in a way that honors the dignity of both partners. Both-And Thinking Steve is committed to using evidence-based therapeutic practices to work with neurodiverse couples, helping them shift their approach to life from “either-or” to “both-and” thinking . What this means for neurodiverse couples is BOTH of you are right in some way AND you can learn to use better relationship skills. This new approach will empower your different minds to work together for the good of your relationship. ​ "DBT" for Helping Neurodiverse Couples He has been trained in using Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) to teach neurodiverse couples how to navigate life’s emotional challenges with a more skillful approach. DBT teaches practical skills to help people live with greater mindfulness of their emotional life and a non-judgmental approach to their relationships. Some of the elements of this approach include:​ Using the "Wise Mind" in your relationship Learn skills to effectively manage negative emotions “Reconditioning” a difficult situation so it triggers more effective emotional responses and intensity Using Mindfulness to transform communication Expectations He believes that many of the problems faced by neurodiverse individuals are related to expectations of modern society versus limitations imposed by the condition . By openly discussing this expectation gap without harsh judgment, couples can begin to reset expectations in their relationship in a new constructive way. This will help both partners enter the thought (and emotional) world of their partner in order to improve the health of the couple’s relationship. ​ Anger Management/Mindfulness ​ Anger can be a toxic force that slowly builds in a neurodiverse relationship and ultimately interferes with the growth of intimacy. This usually takes the form of meltdowns and shutdowns. For couples, learning to manage anger will help you grow in ways that feel nurturing and address the underlying hurt or pain that is driving the anger in the first place. Steve will bring his extensive experience teaching anger management to prisoners into his work with your relationship. Steve will teach you to use mindfulness skills to identify your anger triggers. As a couple, you can help each other create a personal “ Anger Meter” as a visual aid that helps you monitor your anger. Together, you will learn how to use a “time out” to give each other some space to regulate your emotions so you can eventually reconnect. Couples must remember that anger is an emotion that we all experience, sometimes more or less intensely due to your brain wiring. Steve will help you use the skills you learn in therapy to understand the message behind the anger and allow that message to provide greater understanding and intimacy with your partner. ​ About Steve: Steve is a Neurodiverse Couples Coach and a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist who graduated from the Counseling Psychology program at CSU Bakersfield . He also holds a B.A. in Psychology from Pacific Lutheran University in Tacoma, Washington. He has experience providing therapy and counseling to couples/individuals/groups through on-line therapy as well as in-person in the community of Bakersfield, California. ​ Other areas of focus General Couples Therapy Blended Family Issues Separation and Divorce Anger Management Working Through Anxiety ​ Modalities Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Dialectical Behavior Therapy Humanistic Therapy ​License MS, Registered Associate, AMFT 110174 Supervised By Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT #53452 Employed By New Path Couples Therapy, Inc. Specialty areas: Christian, Blended, Parenting, Discernment, Neurodiverse Couples, Affairs, Autism, DBT Reach Out Now First name Last name Email If you have a therapist(s) already in mind, include their names here: Send Thanks for reaching out! We will respond within 24 hours.

< Back Kristin Herbert Background and Education Conceived accidentally during the “summer of love,” I was surrendered by my birth parents as an infant, then adopted and raised as one of two adopted children. Reunited with my birth parents and extended families on both sides as an adult has resulted in an inconclusive, ongoing self-study of nature and nurture. Following my divorce as a young adult, I earned an MFA in Poetry at the University of Pittsburgh in an effort to turn my heartbreak into poetry. My writer’s resume, in addition my own published poetry, fiction, journalism, and creative nonfiction, includes working as a university instructor, in academic and literary book publishing, as a massage therapist, and at educational nonprofit for underserved populations including foster youth. After my second divorce, as a single parent navigating complex relational trauma recovery and learning to accommodate and support the neurodivergence in my family, I earned a Master’s degree in clinical psychology and began training to became a therapist. Now, I am ten years along in a blended family that includes a spectrum of neurodiverse brains and nervous systems: those of my own and my partner, our combined four children, and our dog and cats. I find inspiration and meaning from my ongoing work with an array of clients who share the courage to turn inward in order to better understand their experience and relate ever more deeply to themselves and the people they love. ​ My Approach Imagine two different nervous systems, two divergent ways of experiencing and being in the world. Often, we find ourselves polarized, stuck in an either-or mentality, vying with the person we love most for our goodness, our truth, our most authentic way of being and being seen. In an effort to achieve a shared perspective, we may lose ourselves and invalidate one another. Couples therapy interventions that work for neurotypical couples can fall flat when neurodiversity is in the mix, leaving both partners feeling unseen, misunderstood, exhausted, and even hopeless. But there is hope, with a couples therapist who is dedicated to understanding the ways in which your neurodiversity affects your relationship. My approach is informed by curiosity and attachment theory, as well as the ability to hold complexity and paradox. Moving from an either-or to a both-and perspective, our minds can expand to imagine another point of view without sacrificing our own. Nowhere is this opportunity more present than in a neurodiverse relationship. I will help you discover the best of both worlds where each of you make sense, all of your feelings are valid and important, and you can turn to one another with vulnerability. We will work in session to create shared experiences of safety so your nervous systems can re-set, and your brains and bodies can form new pathways to connection. Highly Sensitive Nervous Systems Neurodivergent minds often run highly sensitive nervous systems. Whether diagnosed (or mis-diagnosed) with autism spectrum disorder (ASD), attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), giftedness, twice-exceptional learners (2e), anxiety, depression, relational trauma, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or any number of other labels, including self-identified “creatives,” many people report experiencing sensory overload. I understand how that feels and how it can impact relationships. I will help you identify and craft ways to support your nervous system and those of your loved ones in your home, relationships, and life. Trust, Infidelity and Betrayal When we love, we are vulnerable. When trust is broken, it can be hard to imagine moving forward. But it’s important to process what happened. Because the rupture was relational, so too must the healing be relational. We’ll work together to understand the factors that contributed to this traumatic experience. We will grieve what was lost and tend to your wounded parts. Whether you are the betrayed or the betrayer, whether you choose to move through this traumatic experience separately or together, you will not be alone. I will help you make sense of what happened and re-establish safety and self-esteem. Blended families ​ My lived experience comprises adoption, biological relations, step-families, divorce, blended families, and neurodiversity. We will work together to map and understand your family of origin patterns, to express your conscious beliefs about what love means, and to explore how your behaviors reveal unknown parts about yourselves and one another. Viktor Frankl writes, “there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” In session, we will explore the space between. Other Areas of Focus Supporting neurodiverse couples Exploring and fine-tuning Coping Skills Understanding and Healing Family Dysfunction Establishing Healthy Boundaries Increasing Connection and Intimacy Implementing Self-Compassion and Self-Care Processing Relational Trauma (cPTSD) & Post-Traumatic Growth Mapping Attachment Patterns Processing Grief and Ambiguous Grief Healing from Infidelity and Betrayal Trauma Discernment Counseling Processing Grief related to Infertility and/or Miscarriage Supporting Caregivers Identifying and Healing Burnout Improving Co-Parenting Supporting Life Transitions Coaching Parents, including Single Parents, Co-parents, Adoptive Parents, and Step-parents Exploring Identity LGBTQIA+ Allied Clients Couples Individuals (including Single Parents) Families (including Divorced and Bended Families and Single-Parent Families) Modalities Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples Existential Therapy Experiential Therapy Attachment-based Therapy Compassion-focused, Humanistic Therapy Culturally Sensitive Therapy Internal Family Systems (IFS) Narrative Therapy Psychodynamic/ Relational Therapy Trauma-Informed Therapy Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) Coaching License Licensed MFT #141308 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc. Specialty areas: Cassandra, Sex-Kink-Poly, Parenting Neurodiversity, Emotion Focused Therapy, LGBTQIA+, Trans, Buddist - Spiritual, Affairs, Neurodiverse Couples, Autism, ADHD, Blended, Parenting, Discernment, Sex Reach Out Now First name Last name Email If you have a therapist(s) already in mind, include their names here: Send Thanks for reaching out! We will respond within 24 hours.

< Back Harry Motro About: Dr. Motro has made working with neurodiverse community the centerpiece of his life. He has extensive personal experiences with neurodiversity and believes that typical couples counseling falls far short for neurodiverse couples. Accordingly, he has dedicated his practice to providing life-changing counseling for these special but often misunderstood couples. ​ His background includes the following: ​ he spent his earlier work life in technology and then chose a second career in helping others, he is the founder and clinical director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center where he collaborates with other therapists equally dedicated to the neurodiverse community. he has collaborated with his team to develop specialized tools to assist neurodiverse couples, he serves as an adjunct graduate school psychology professor where he has incorporated neurodiverse couples counseling into the teaching curriculum, he is a clinical supervisor of other neurodiverse couples therapists, he serves on non-profit boards including, New Path Couples Therapy and Therapy in Motion. he has been married 40 years and the proud parent of adult children , and he has received specialized couples training at the Master's & Doctoral levels. His interest in neurodiverse couples is rooted in his personal life, his prior work in technology, and because his psychology practice is based in Silicon Valley, a neurodiversity hot spot. ​ NEURODIVERSE COUPLES: Most neurodiverse couples start off woefully uninformed about their differences and how to support and accept each other. ​ This misinformation leads to misunderstanding, which eventually morphs into the belief that the other partner is purposely cruel or simply uncaring. Emotional walls come up and intimacy fades and then dies. The most important part of our work in therapy is to free you from this painful blame and shame cycle. We work to gradually reframe how you understand and see each other, reshaping your patterns, and allowing a new relationship to blossom. ​ You can read more on his approach to Neurodiversity at: https://www.harrymotro.com/therapy-for-neurodiverse-couples . Other areas of focus (in addition to Neurodiversity):​ General Couples Therapy Affair Recovery Sex addiction Modalities: Trauma-focused Neurodiverse Couples Therapy , Emotion Focused Therapy, Imago Therapy, Gottman, Person-Centered, Existential, Couples-Based CBT, Behavioral, Internal Family Systems, Experiential, Positive Psychology ​ Clients: Couples and Families only ​ License: California / LMFT53452 Specialty areas: Christian, ND at Work, Discernment, Internal Family Systems, Emotion Focused Therapy Reach Out Now First name Last name Email If you have a therapist(s) already in mind, include their names here: Send Thanks for reaching out! We will respond within 24 hours.

< Back Colleen Kahn Welcome, I am so delighted you are here. ​ My Passion for Neurodiverse Couples I am dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples find a new way to love and appreciate each other. ​ Understanding Neurodiversity First, let me cover the basic terms. A neurodiverse relationship is where at least one partner is neurodivergent (Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, Down’s Syndrome...). This means that you and your partner are different; not better or worse. ​ Neurodiversity may be a new concept for you. Maybe it's what you have been searching for but didn't know. It may be an awakening to the difficulties you have been experiencing in your relationship but could not quite articulate. ​ In fact, many neurodivergent adults have gone undiagnosed for most of their lives. Neurodivergent is “the idea that people experience and interact with the world around them in different ways; there is no ‘right’ way of thinking, learning and behaving, and differences are not viewed as deficits,” according to Harvard Health. ​ Please know that I recognize the distinct challenges you face. My personal experience has provided me with a first-hand rich understanding of the intricacies of neurodiversity. ​ Communication Struggles ​ Neurodiverse couples often struggle with communication breakdowns . The neurotypical partner may struggle to understand the neurodivergent partner's unique needs. The neurodivergent partner may face challenges with ADHD/Autism in expressing themselves in a way that resonates with their neurotypical partner. This two-sided communication breakdown is called the double empathy problem. Understanding this helps reduce blaming one person for the problem. This is the tip of the iceberg so to speak and one of many issues that you may be dealing with. I truly understand the frustrations that can arise. ​ A Safe Place for Healing I am here to provide a safe and understanding space for you to explore your issues and relationship. My therapeutic approach offers a clear road map that emphasizes: ​ fostering mutual understanding and compassion, enhancing communication skills, providing exercises and tools that you can work on separately and together, and embracing the unique strengths that each partner brings to relationships. ​ Neurotypical Partners (Cassandra Syndrome) My journey is not just a professional one but also deeply personal. If you are in a relationship with a neurodivergent partner, it may feel isolating, frustrating, and exhausting. You may spend a lot of time and energy trying to make sense of your partner's behaviors and your reactions. You may seek books, podcasts, or any article to understand why your relationship is different. You may feel misunderstood, isolated, disconnected, and hopeless. I have been there. I have been married for 19 years. Every experience is unique. You are so special. You deserve to be seen and heard. Supporting Autism and Cancer: I recognize the importance of a compassionate, supportive ally for autistic individuals who have been diagnosed with cancer. I had the honor and privilege to work bedside with neurodivergent pediatric oncology patients and their families at Stanford Children’s Hospital. My firsthand experience at Stanford, expertise in supporting neurodivergent individuals, and being a stage four cancer survivor myself allows me to be a source of comfort and strength on the path to healing. I am here to provide a trusted environment that acknowledges and addresses your unique needs when facing a cancer diagnosis. ​ You can read more about Cancer and Autism by clicking here . ​ About Me: I bring a unique blend of professional expertise, passion and personal experience to my practice. I am a proud mother of two sensationally strong willed teenagers. I am also a former software engineer turned therapist. My journey took a fascinating turn from the world of coding to the intricate landscapes of the human mind. ​ I earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communications and forged a successful IT career starting at Apple Computers. My love of learning led me into engineering and product management. I became the first female self-taught software engineer at Alcatel TeleCommunications. My team dubbed me the engineer whisperer. I was the essential communication bridge between our neurodiverse engineering team and our neurotypical sales and marketing team. I eventually learned that my heart yearned for something more – a meaningful connection with people and the opportunity to contribute to their lives in a significant way. Driven by my desire to help others, I embarked on a transformative path towards becoming a therapist and returned to school. I received my Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy and Art Therapy from Notre Dame de Namur University. While in school, I cultivated my passion for mental health and overall well-being. ​ ​ How I Work: My therapeutic neuro-informed approach covers a broad range of modalities. I tailor each session to meet the unique needs of each couple. My work is rooted in a client-centered, humanistic approach emphasizing compassion, building understanding, inclusive communication, empowerment with respect and dignity. In our sessions, we'll work on enhancing your relationship through mindfulness and effective communication. Let's navigate the challenges together so you can build a stronger, more connected partnership. Other areas of focus (in addition to Neurodiversity): ​ Adolescent Counseling Art Therapy Caregiver Support Co-Parenting Couples Counseling Cancer Support Divorce Recovery Infertility Individual Counseling Life Transitions Neurodiversity New Parents Parent Coaching Teen Counseling Clients Couples Individuals Families ​ License & Certifications ​Registered Associate, MFTA #324701 Board Certified Art Therapist (ATR-BC) Neurodiversity Specialist Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc . Specialty areas: Cassandra, Parenting, Cancer & Autism, Teens, Children, Neurodiverse Couples Reach Out Now First name Last name Email If you have a therapist(s) already in mind, include their names here: Send Thanks for reaching out! We will respond within 24 hours.

< Back Inna Kuchmenko Neurodiverse Couples My first introduction to working with neurodiversity was in the role of a child therapist using Mindfulness and nature’s healing potential to help children on the Spectrum learn how to regulate their emotions. Teaching young children to self-regulate taught me, first and foremost, that I needed to self-regulate first. In my work from a strength-based perspective, I learned about the richness of neurodiverse individuals and the incredible power my empathy had in unlocking their inner abilities and capacities for relating to themselves and others. How did I do this? I listened. I attuned. I felt with them. I refrained from teaching, coaching, or fixing. ​ Fostering Connection: When I work with neurodiverse couples, I model and invite couples to practice how to attune to each other. Attunement is not just listening. It is listening with heart. When we are emotionally available, responsive, and engaged with one another, deeper conversations can and do happen. When we make sense of our own and our partner’s actions and words in the framework of compassion and from a perspective of goodness, we begin to tap into the richness of difference and into the deep well of our human ability to relate. ​ Improving Communication: At times I may act as a neuro-bio-psychosocial interpreter, helping a neuro-normative partner make sense and understand their neuro-diverse spouse. Other times, I coach a neurodiverse partner to express the depth and richness of their inner world in a way that their neuro-normative partner can receive. You may wonder why this has been challenging to do in your couple relationship. The answer is pace. The pace of our lives is much too fast and linear, driven by goals and time schedules. In therapy, we slow down, we breathe together, and we create a pocket in time where everything – your thoughts, feelings and sensations can come to the surface. We take our time. I trust in the process of us showing up each week to celebrate how far you have come in your relationship, the foundation of your initial attraction to each other and your inner capacities to grow and change in relationship. ​ Making Sense of Neurodiversity: I will share with you what I know about the neurobiology, physiology, and science of neurodiversity and neurotypicality and I will learn from you as a couple, your unique challenges, and your desired areas of improvement. I am a co-creator of your experience, a skilled companion on your couple journey. I am an expert in some areas of counseling and psychology, but I trust that you are the experts in your relationship. Let’s see what we can co-create together! ​ ​ ABOUT ME: I am an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist who received her graduate degree in Counseling Psychology from California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco, CA. ​ MY ROOTS: My therapeutic style is optimistic and positive, rooted in my life as a partner, daughter, friend, and mother. My presence stems from having experienced, survived, and healed from a tragic loss of a parent, immigration, two marriages, domestic violence, and divorce. I am a mother of a spirited 6-year-old who has taught him every day since birth about loving deeply, forgiving quickly, and letting go fully. My personal experiences in motherhood and co-parenting under challenging life circumstances have given me the wisdom and ease with which I approach couples and family work. And my decision to become a couples therapist came from empathizing with my intergenerationally-wounded parents and grandparents who deeply loved one another yet struggled to speak each other’s love languages. ​ THE PROCESS OF COUPLES HEALING: I see my role as helping couples become more relational through untangling from relational patterns which may have helped them survive in their families of origin and previous relationships but are no longer serving them in the context of their current couple. My hope for couples is to get to a place where they no longer need me and are thriving in relationship with each other. ​ This journey from surviving to thriving is at the heart of my vision for a fulfilling couple hood. I have worked with couples who experience relational conflict due to major life transitions, neurodiversity, blending a family, lack of intimacy, parenting and co-parenting differences, aging and illness, infidelity, loss of desire, substance use, cultural differences, and life/work imbalances. Together, we discover and unearth the resiliency within and learn to draw on that inner wisdom as we weather the storms with minimal damages to the relationship. ​ Other areas of focus (in addition to Neurodiversity): Couples going through life transitions Blended families Parenting and Co-parenting Coaching Communication/Intimacy Sex, sexuality, and desire Pre-engagement and pre-marital Family of Origin Work Couples struggling with Trauma Cross-Cultural couples Neurodiverse Retreats Inna Kuchmenko specializes in virtual couples retreats offered over Zoom or in-person couples retreats in Northern California. ​ Clients: Couples, Families, Children and Adults. Modalities: Attachment-based, Trauma-informed, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Mindful Self-Compassion, Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Imago, Psychodynamic-Relational, Internal Family Systems, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Gestalt, Positive Psychology, Art Therapy, Play Therapy, Solution-Focused Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, Humanistic Approach. Languages: Fluent in Russian, Ukrainian and English ​ ​License: Registered Associate, AMFT #120631 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452​ Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc. Specialty areas: Cassandra, Sex-Kink-Poly, Trans, Parenting, LGBTQIA+, Sex, Couples Retreat, Neurodiverse Couples, Autism, Parenting Neurodiversity, Children, ADHD, Buddist - Spiritual, Teens Reach Out Now First name Last name Email If you have a therapist(s) already in mind, include their names here: Send Thanks for reaching out! We will respond within 24 hours.

< Back Alexandra McGee Alexandra's Story Academics & Theater During my childhood and adolescent years, academics was my thing: I was a National Merit Scholar before going to UC Berkeley and graduating from the English department with honors. I went on to teach high school literature, college English writing, and AP English Language and Composition classes for 10 years. ​ I also loved theater in high school and had the roles of Eliza Doolittle (Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw) and Adelaide (Guys and Dolls) my junior and senior years at South Pasadena High School, in greater Los Angeles. ​ Later in life I trained in body theatrical expression (Mime) at the Warsaw School of Modern Mime in Poland. For seven years I trained over 100 young people from the Americas, Europe and the Middle East to perform in troupes of 6-12 mimes on the streets of Izmir and Istanbul, Turkey. Our mostly original skits were about love, community, self-awareness and appreciating the beauty of life even while experiencing it differently than others do. ​ I was living an undiagnosed journey on the spectrum as I sought to find a place for myself through academia and art. ​ Marriage & Family I married my Neurodiverse diagnosed husband just after graduating from college. In our signature "go big or go home" way we had 5 children in 6 years and then took them all to Turkey, where we lived for 16 years. While my husband had an international trading company, we also sought to spread God's love and love for humanity among a people who already manifested great reverence and warm community among themselves. ​ Our street theater was successfully impactful mainly because the people of Turkey already engaged in serious love for God and care for their neighbors. Although we returned to the US when our youngest went to college, the Turks have the biggest place in my heart, because that is where I learned to live in community with love, grace and kindness. I have "big sisters" there, strangers, acquaintances, neighbors and friends, who taught me how to live present, with generosity, to everyone around me.​ ​ After returning to the States in 2013, we put our youngest in college, saw our second child married, moved near our first married child and our first grandbaby, and provided launching pads for our 3rd and 4th children as they graduated from college and went to work in business and teaching. My 4th offspring is now a special needs teacher in the Orange County public schools. We have 8 beautiful, talented and smart grandchildren, some diagnosed and undiagnosed neurodiverse. ​ Neurodiverse Diagnosis My neurodiverse diagnosis has helped explain so much of my life to me . The pain I felt when I seemed to dance to a different drum beat than everyone around me, the reactive behaviors I expressed when others stepped on my sensitive feelings, the stress and pain in my body as I tried to accommodate a physically unaccommodating world, and the uneven opportunities my brilliance gave me, were all revealed as perfectly normal experiences of a Neurodiverse person. ​ Intimacy From the Inside Out couples therapy training gave me an understanding of how the different parts of me interact with the different parts of my husband. The clashes between our sensitivities and defensive postures are understood better now, and these different parts of us are able to relax as we hold space for each other, instead of trying to fix one another. ​ My Passion I started my second MA in my early 50s and will complete my PhD in my early 60s (well, that's the plan). Psychology and especially the connectedness between our psyches , our brains and our bodies has become my new special interest . With several years under my belt of working with individuals and couples, many of whom were Neurodiverse with diagnosed ASD, ADHD, OCD and DID, as well as comorbid personality disorders, I am excited to start working with a focus on the Neurodiverse community. ​ Main Areas of Focus As Dick Schwartz says, "There are no bad parts", only parts of us that have developed highly skilled but sometimes abrasive defenses against a world that doesn't support neurodiversity. I help my Individual, Couples and Adolescent Clients find healing and, through awareness and self-compassion, to transform the behaviors of these good intentioned parts to voices of advocacy and support for their needs that they may find courage to step into their specific interests in work and love. ​ Neurodiverse Couples I love working with couples. I have had a 72 hour training with Intimacy from the Inside Out. IFIO stresses the need to understand the unique ways each person in the relationship is showing up to meet the different ways their partner shows up. As we search for those parts of us that seem to be creating conflict, we learn to listen to the wounds that they protect, as well as their good-intentioned purposes and are able to update these parts to more collaborative ways of relating. This works in all relationships, including parent-child, boss-employee, neighbor-neighbor and within ourselves. Sometimes we are our worst critic and that critic needs help on how to give constructive criticism! ​ Cassandra Therapy While therapy is not a place to fix your partner, there are times when an individual may need help from a therapist to understand their part in a relationship with a neurodiverse partner. Since my partner and I are both neurodiverse, I feel a lot of empathy for the partner who is seeking to work out these differences, as well as an inside track on what the neurodiverse partner may be dealing with. ​ Here are 4 goals of therapy for a client who is trying to do better with a partner who is neurodivergent from themself: Awareness of the parts of the client that come up in reaction to their partner and awareness of the parts of their partner that most trigger them. Healing for wounds that have come up in the relationship - this often must also take into account the root of the vulnerabilities of the client, which often stem back to wounding in childhood. Ability to differentiate between the partner’s neurodiverse traits and the parts of them that are defensive behaviors due to past trauma. Updating of the client’s own defensive parts so that they can adopt more mature and adaptive responses to their partner’s behavior. ​ A key element of growth in the relationship in this kind of therapy is the realization that therapy is never about changing your partner, but rather changing your response to your partner. It is true, however, that the more clear boundaries there are and the more vulnerability there is on your part, as well as an authentic self showing up, your partner will sometimes see your model and begin to mirror it. ​ Individual Therapy I also serve individual clients who are neurodiverse. The IFS model has proven effective for helping clients notice the neurodiverse parts of themselves, which includes sensitivities and brain processing differences, for the purpose of supporting them better and encouraging the strengths to emerge. There also is healing to be found in therapy for the wounds that most neurodiverse people have gotten from the environment that doesn’t accept or understand them, as well as self-inflicted wounds of shame or criticism. This two pronged approach, of working with neurodiverse traits and with wounded parts, is what facilitates growth for the client. When addressing the question of masking it is important to ask: What is the purpose of this mask? Is it adaptive to the current environment of the client? Does it have limitations that need to be acknowledged, boundaries that need to be set up so that it doesn’t get overwhelmed? Or is it a mask that is an outdated defensive move that needs healing of the original wound as well as updating to the current life of the client and a transformation to a more adaptive behavior? ​ Modalities Internal Family Systems Therapy Psychodynamic Relational Psychotherapy Jungian Psychotherapy Somatic Psychotherapy Neurobiology Psychoeducation License Registered AMFT # 126908 Registered APCC #9914 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc. Specialty areas: Internal Family Systems, Autism, Neurodiverse Couples, Assessment, Christian, LGBTQIA+, Sex, Parenting Neurodiversity, Parenting, Trans Reach Out Now First name Last name Email If you have a therapist(s) already in mind, include their names here: Send Thanks for reaching out! We will respond within 24 hours.

NEURODIVERSE COMMUNICATION Speaking Different Languages? Why do we feel like we are speaking different languages when we try to talk to each other? Do your partner's words sound like "blah blah blah...", where you are not really hearing each other? What hijacks our ability to communicate effectively? ​ Do your conversations sound like: ​ Tammy: Look at me when I talk to you. ​ Tim: I am trying to but you're not making any sense. You said to walk the dog as soon as I felt like it. I never felt like it. ​ Tammy: You know that the dog needs a walk every day. ​ Tim: But you never said that. ​ Show More Want to Neuro-informed Support? Sign up to receive weekly tips, tools and cutting edge info First Name Last name Email Send Thank you! What's Your Communication Style? ​ The neurodiverse and neurotypical communication styles can be broken down as follows: ​ Logical vs. Emotional Concrete vs Abstract Absolutist vs. Relative Avoidant vs. Insistent ​ Furthermore, we send and receive information through the following filters : ​​ our expectations and stereotypes, our wounds or defensiveness, our past experiences, and our mood at the moment. ​ It is clear that many powerful forces color the way we hear our partner and express ourselves. COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES Our therapists are equipped with special tools and strategies to support you as you learn to communicate across the neurodivide. Some of the… Show More Schedule a Free Consult Now Double Empathy Problem ​ The Double Empathy Problem is a concept that has been gaining more attention in recent years, particularly in relation to Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). It refers to the idea that both neurotypical individuals and autistic individuals may struggle to understand each other’s perspectives, leading to communication breakdowns and misunderstandings. ​ Origins of the Double Empathy Problem: The Double Empathy Problem was first proposed by Damian Milton, a researcher and autistic activist, in his 2012 paper “On the Ontological Status of Autism: The ‘Double Empathy Problem’”. Milton argued that the traditional approach to autism research and intervention, which focuses on identifying and treating deficits in autistic individuals, fails to take into account the role of social and cultural context in shaping communication and interaction. According to Milton, both neurotypical and autistic individuals have their own unique sets of social and communicative norms, and failure to understand and… Show More < Back Share your story and we'll help you find the right neuro-inormed expert to talk to. First name Last name Email Phone Send Thank you! Previous Next Back to Top

NEURODIVERSE COUPLES COUNSELING UNDERSTANDING NEURODIVERSE COUPLES ​ ​​NEURODIVERSITY MAGNET Initially, an autistic partner (Autism Spectrum or "AS") and a neurotypical partner feel a strong initial attraction to each other and couple up. ​ The neurotypical may be attracted to the AS partner's stability, focus and intelligence. The AS partner may appreciate the neurotypical helping him or her navigate social situations. The neurotypical may be the AS partner's special interest , at least during the dating period. Typically, the neurotypical soaks up the attention. They may view themselves as complementary, a perfect fit - like a "magnet" has pulled them together. ​ DIFFERENCES TURN INTO DYSFUNCTIONAL PATTERNS ​ Yet, it is easy for these neurological… Show More Want to Neuro-informed Support? Sign up to receive weekly tips, tools and cutting edge info First Name Last name Email Send Thank you! THERAPY FOR NEURODIVERSE COUPLES ​ EMPATHY IS POSSIBLE Therapists who are not experienced with neurodiversity often tell clients married to Autistic adults that their partner cannot feel empathy and cannot truly love. This is dangerous feedback because it is simply not true. Although Autistic partners may process feelings differently , the are fully capable of empathy and love. ​ Autistic adults are often shocked to find that their partner’s faith in their love and loyalty could be compromised by a forgotten good-bye or missed eye-contact. Most typical AS clients feel empathy but often need a structured process to receive the feelings from his… Show More Schedule a Free Consult Now CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!! When a couple understand their differences and accept them, they will finally stop resisting change. This can feel like a tremendous relief. Even though both partners usually think the other one needs to change, you both will start to make changes that you never expected. This is where most NT partners think, "Yes, I can change but my partner won't." Despite your worry that your AS partner is rigid and focused on himself, most AS clients that we work with will put in tremendous efforts to change in the context of accepting, neuro-informed therapy and the support from his spouse. ​ Please know that autism is NOT a fixed condition that locks someone into the same behaviors throughout life. It is subject to the same forces of change that occur in anyone’s life. Understanding this provides the ray of hope to break painful entrenched patterns of interaction. ​​ Show More < Back Share your story and we'll help you find the right neuro-inormed expert to talk to. First name Last name Email Phone Send Thank you! Previous Next Back to Top