Neurodiverse Couples Counseling TIP: Want answers fast? Check out our 📄 Quick Guide on Neurodiverse Couples Counseling for key facts, FAQs , and why you should choose us. THE NEURODIVERSITY MAGNET Initially, an autistic partner and a neurotypical partner feel a strong initial attraction to each other and couple up. The neurotypical may be attracted to the autistic partner's stability, focus and intelligence. The autistic partner may appreciate the neurotypical helping him or her navigate social situations. The neurotypical may be the autistic partner's special interest , at least during the dating period. Typically, the neurotypical soaks up the attention. They may view themselves as complementary, a perfect fit - like a "magnet" has pulled them together. Many couples we see through our California telehealth practice — whether based in Los Angeles, San Jose, San Francisco, Pasadena, or smaller towns across the state — describe this initial stage as feeling like the perfect fit. DIFFERENCES TURN INTO DYSFUNCTIONAL PATTERNS Yet, it is easy for these neurological differences to lead to wires getting crossed. Building and maintaining an emotional connection becomes more difficult if a couple discovers that they speak "different languages" and have a disparity in how they think and experience emotions. Without the tools to understand and constructively deal with neurodiversity, these differences are often interpreted negatively which, over time, become cemented into dysfunctional traumatic patterns which: degrade trust in each other and the relationship, cause one or both partners to pursue, withdraw and/or explode, lead to feelings of blame, shame, isolation, hopelessness, sadness, disappointment, confusion, loneliness and abandonment, lead to a diminished sex life, make shared efforts, like parenting, more difficult, and gradually weakens the the "relationship house." THERAPY FOR NEURODIVERSE COUPLES EMPATHY IS POSSIBLE Therapists who are not experienced with neurodiversity often tell clients married to autistic adults that their partner cannot feel empathy and cannot truly love. This is dangerous feedback because it is simply not true. Although partners with Autism may process feelings differently , the are fully capable of empathy and love. Autistic adults are often shocked to find that their partner’s faith in their love and loyalty could be compromised by a forgotten good-bye or missed eye-contact. Typically, clients with autism feel empathy but often need a structured process to receive the feelings from his partner, connect with her feelings, and learn to reciprocate the feelings back. That is where our team comes in. SUPPORT FOR COUPLE AND EACH PARTNER There are several ways our team of therapists and coaches support neurodiversity: meet with the couple together (see more below), have a separate therapist or coach meet with each partner individually to provide emotional support and skills training for: the neurotypical spouse , and the neurodiverse partner Find Out How We Can Help! SPECIFIC STEPS FOR COUPLES THERAPY WHAT NOT TO DO: There are plenty of traps when trying to heal your neurodiverse relationship so it is very easy to focus on the wrong thing. Here's a short list of things we will not focus on: Convincing the autistc partner who doesn't see the need to change that he/she should. People on the spectrum may have been misunderstood for most of their lives so they have a good reason to be stubborn. Change comes from understanding, not from pressure. Trying to find the right carrot and stick to finally motivate your partner. Getting the diagnosis exactly right. Even with the right label, the problems are still there! See more on this on our diagnosis page . Punishment and manipulation (It just tends to put them deeper into "Defense Mode"). WHAT TO DO: Instead, we work together to eliminate the counter-productive patterns (mostly based on misunderstanding) that have developed during their relationship, accept each other's differences, and follow a clear roadmap to increase closeness: CREATING SAFETY: Learning basic communication strategies as a foundation for communicating during counseling sessions; Creating a safe space where the couple can begin to suspend judgment, see each other's unique qualities and strengths, and reset expectations without resentment. This may include a discussion of meltdowns, aggressive pursuit of a withdrawn partner or any other behaviors that may be experienced as reducing emotional or physical safety. ASSESSING: Identifying and naming the dysfunctional relational patterns that have build up over years and may be rooted in unaddressed neurological differences; Considering other factors (not related to neurological differences) that may be impacting the relationship; Assessing levels of motivation and making a commitment to the couples work; Self-exploration and self-awareness through sharing personal history (including family of origin), successes and wounds; Exploring how you personal story is impacting the relationship; Identifying deeper unmet needs for each partner; Identifying how each partner may be coping to get needs met or to simply survive (angry or critical pursuit, silent withdrawal,,); Understanding and expressing how each partner's neurological make-up impacts needs and coping strategies; Pursuing a diagnosis (COMPLETELY OPTIONAL) or Identifying the aspects of Autism that apply to you; Accepting the diagnosis OR accepting your unique characteristics (for both partners); Ready to Get Started? Click Here! BREAKING THE TRAUMA CYCLE When one or both partners has been traumatized by relationship patterns that are rooted in their neuro-differences, the partners must overcome two distinct challenges: heal the trauma, and understand and build bridges across the neurological differences. The problem is that most approaches to Neurodiverse couples counseling do not adequately address the trauma. As a result, couples get stuck in trauma-fed reactive behaviors that keep then stuck. We have created a diagram that shows the typical trauma cycle for neurodiverse couples and the path to healing. Your therapist or coach will walk you through how to heal the trauma cycle step-by-step. GENERAL HEALING Bridging the double empathy problem; Expanding communication skills. Acknowledging past wounds and charting a path forward. In a pre-diagnosis period, a couples history is often marked by misunderstanding, resentment, anger outbursts and withdrawal. This must get addressed in a healing way. Learning different responses to traumatic reactions / triggers (move from defensiveness to providing comfort); Meeting emotional needs through increased clarity and structure (Love List exercise); Learning to play together; Coping with sensory overload and meltdowns; Shifting from aggression to anger and then to underlying needs; Expanding Theory of Mind for both partners; Managing other possible struggles for both partners (including depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder); TOPICAL HEALING Time Management: Enabling time together (for connection) and apart (for self-care); Parenting: Learn how to leverage your neurodiverse strengths to parent your children (whether or not your children are neurodiverse); Special Parenting: Learn how to parent your neurodiverse children ; Sex: Meeting each other's sexual needs through managing different levels of libido, enhancing sexual communication, and addressing sensory issues; Financial: Understanding how each partner feels and thinks about money and building a bridge across the gap. CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!! When a couple understand their differences and accept them, they will finally stop resisting change. This can feel like a tremendous relief. Even though both partners usually think the other one needs to change, you both will start to make changes that you never expected. This is where most neurotypical partners think, "Yes, I can change but my partner won't." Despite your worry that your autistic partner is rigid and focused on himself, most autistic clients that we work with will put in tremendous efforts to change in the context of accepting, neuro-informed therapy and the support from his spouse. Please know that autism is NOT a fixed condition that locks someone into the same behaviors throughout life. It is subject to the same forces of change that occur in anyone’s life. Understanding this provides the ray of hope to break painful entrenched patterns of interaction. The change is usually gradual but, over time, both partners usually experience progress and your relationship can finally become more relaxed and rewarding. Desmond Tutu has been quoted saying : “There is only one way to eat an elephant: one bite at a time.” Everything in life that seems daunting, overwhelming, and even impossible can be accomplished gradually by taking on small manageable steps. In fact, many neurodiverse couples that our team counsels report that they are satisfied with the marriage and choose to remain in the relationship. READY TO GET STARTED? Check out our 📄 Quick Guide on Neurodiverse Couples Counseling for key facts, FAQs , and why you should choose us. Or, if you're ready to get started, fill out our contact form and we will be glad to connect you with one of our team members. Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

As a neurodiverse couples therapist, I often hear: "I’m pretty sure my husband is autistic. We’ve tried regular couples therapy and it bombed. He gets mad when I suggest he might be autistic. I feel lonely and desperate for help. What should I do?" 😔 I get it—regular couples was painful for both of you. You're pretty sure he’s not going anywhere near therapy again. But, for some reason, you haven’t given up. So how do I pull him in? How to Get Him on Board 1. Pick Your Moment : Don’t drop this on him when he’s in the middle of his latest hobby deep- dive or when you’re already bickering. Find a chill time when you’re both relaxed. 🕒 2. Highlight the Expertise: Emphasize that the therapist specializes in neurodiverse couples, so he or she understands our unique challenges and strengths. 🧠 3. Focus on Specific Goals: This will not be open ended therapy going nowhere. Talk about the specific goals you both want to achieve, like better communication, less conflict, and more understanding. Therapy is a tool to reach those goals. 🎯 4. Respect His Feelings : Acknowledge that it’s tough to consider therapy, especially if previous experiences were negative. Show that you respect his feelings and are seeking a new approach together. 🤝 5. Small Initial Commitment : Suggest meeting the therapist for just ONE session to see if there is a good fit. Sometimes, just meeting the therapist can alleviate fears or misconceptions. 🛋️ 6. Cost-Benefit Analysis : Compare a 10% increase in happiness for decades to a few hours of failed couples therapy. ⚖️ 7. Respect Autonomy : Reassure him that therapy is NOT about changing who he is, but understanding each other better and finding strategies that work for both of you. 🌟 8. Address Misconceptions : Clear up any misconceptions he might have about therapy. It’s not about laying blame or rehashing past issues—it’s about moving forward positively. 🌈 What’s Actually Different About Neurodiverse Couples Therapy? 1. Therapist Training: Our therapists are trained in neurodiversity and won’t shame, blame, or try to change the autistic or ADHD partner. You’ll both be on the same footing, and it’s about equality and understanding. 👩🏫🤝 2. Decoding Neurodiversity: Our therapist will break down the patterns that show up in a neurodiverse relationship in a way that makes sense. It’s like getting the user manual for your interactions. 📘🧩 3. Rebuilding Communication: You’ll learn how to rebuild communication that takes your brain differences into account. 🗣️💡 4. Sensory Stuff: Our therapists will help you address any sensory sensitivities and how these impact your day-to-day life. It’s like figuring out why certain things drive him nuts and finding workarounds. 👂 5. Emotional & Logic Connection: You’ll work on understanding each other’s emotional and logical perspectives. It’s about figuring out how to connect both hearts and minds, ensuring you’re on the same page emotionally and logically. We won’t prioritize emotions over logic. Both are important!! 💖🧠 6. Real Tools : You’ll get practical tools and exercises to use at home. It’s not just talk—it’s about making real changes that you’ll actually notice. 🛠️🏠 Ready to Give It a Try? Popping the question about couples therapy can be super tough. It's like proposing all over again, but for the sake of your relationship's health. Are you ready to give it a try? 😊 Let's take the first step together. You can book a couple session or book an individual session just to talk about how to ask your partner. We'll figure it out together, and you won't be alone in this. You got this! 💪 Until next time, Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Do You Have Trouble Identifying & Expressing Emotions? Want to see if your behavior is consistent with alexithymia? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take the Alexithymia Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Seniors & Autism UNDERSTANDING AUTISM IN SENIORS We specialize in providing compassionate therapy services for individuals with neurodiverse conditions, including autism. Our experienced therapists are dedicated to supporting seniors who are on the autism spectrum, acknowledging the unique challenges they may face. In this section, we will explore the symptoms of autism in seniors, how it can impact their relationships, and how psychotherapy can be a valuable resource. SYMPTOMS OF AUTISM IN SENIORS Autism is a neurodevelopmental condition that manifests differently in individuals. While it is commonly associated with childhood, autism can persist throughout a person's life, including their senior years. In seniors, autism symptoms may become more pronounced due to age-related changes and additional stressors. These symptoms can vary but may include: Difficulty with social interactions and communication. Sensory sensitivities or sensory overload. Repetitive behaviors or restricted interests. Challenges with executive functioning and organization. Emotional regulation difficulties. Sensitivity to changes in routine or environment. Impaired perspective-taking or theory of mind. Difficulty expressing needs and emotions. Increased vulnerability to anxiety and depression. Sensitivity to social expectations and misunderstandings. It is crucial to approach these symptoms with empathy, recognizing that each individual's experience of autism is unique. Ready to Get Started? Click Here! IMPACT OF AUTISM ON SENIORS IN RELATIONSHIPS Seniors with autism may face additional complexities within their long-standing relationships. The unique challenges that autism presents can impact both the autistic individual and their partner. These challenges may include: Communication barriers and misinterpretation of intentions. Difficulty understanding and reciprocating emotional cues. Differences in social preferences and need for solitude. Sensory sensitivities that affect shared activities and outings. Challenges in adapting to changes or transitions. Struggles with sharing responsibilities and household routines. Increased susceptibility to anxiety or depression, affecting the overall relationship dynamics. Navigating the balance between independence and interdependence. Support and understanding from family and friends. Building a strong foundation of trust and empathy. HOW PSYCHOTHERAPY CAN HELP AUTISTIC SENIORS Psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy, can provide invaluable support for autistic seniors, helping them navigate the complexities of their condition and improve their overall well-being. Here are ten specific ways that psychotherapy can benefit seniors on the autism spectrum: Developing effective communication strategies and social skills. Exploring and managing sensory sensitivities in various environments. Enhancing emotional regulation and stress management techniques. Building self-awareness and understanding of one's strengths and challenges. Addressing anxiety, depression, or other mental health concerns. Developing coping mechanisms for handling changes and transitions. Establishing routines and organizational strategies to promote independence. Setting realistic goals and working towards personal growth. Strengthening self-advocacy skills and enhancing self-esteem. Providing a safe space for processing emotions and building resilience. HELP FOR SENIORS IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN AUTISTIC PARTNER When one partner in a relationship is autistic, psychotherapy can play a crucial role in supporting both individuals and fostering a healthier and more fulfilling connection. Here are ten ways that psychotherapy can help seniors in a relationship where one partner is autistic: Improving communication and fostering understanding between partners. Enhancing empathy and perspective-taking skills. Assisting the neurotypical partner in understanding and accommodating the autistic partner's unique needs. Facilitating open and honest conversations about expectations and boundaries. Developing strategies to navigate sensory sensitivities and create a comfortable environment for both partners. Addressing any emotional challenges or conflicts that may arise due to the impact of autism on the relationship. Building strategies to manage stress and anxiety within the relationship. Assisting in creating a balanced routine that meets the needs of both partners. Providing guidance on supporting the autistic partner's independence while maintaining a strong bond. Offering a safe space for both partners to express their concerns, fears, and aspirations, fostering a deeper emotional connection. ADULT AUTISM ASSESSMENT In addition to our therapy services, we are proud to collaborate with the Adult Autism Assessment Center , which specializes in providing formal assessments and reports for individuals seeking a comprehensive understanding of autism in adulthood. These assessments can be valuable in identifying strengths, challenges, and developing tailored therapeutic approaches. Our partnership ensures a holistic and comprehensive approach to supporting seniors with autism. COMPASSIONATE SUPPORT FOR SENIORS WITH AUTISM We firmly believe in the power of compassion and understanding in supporting seniors with autism and their relationships. Our experienced therapists are trained in providing tailored therapy services that address the unique needs of autistic individuals. We are committed to helping seniors navigate the challenges associated with autism, fostering personal growth, improved relationships, and overall well-being. Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Imagine This: You're planning a weekend getaway, but suddenly, you realize you’ve double-booked and now have to cancel your plans. One partner bursts into tears, feeling overwhelmed and seeking comfort. 😢 The other shuts down, scrolling through their phone to avoid dealing with the disappointment. 📱 Frustration mounts as one person feels abandoned in their emotional distress and the other feels suffocated by the need for comfort. The initial issue—canceling the plans—now seems insignificant compared to the emotional rift forming between you. Sound familiar? It’s not just you—it's your coping styles at play. Let's decode these together and unlock new paths to deeper connection. 🌟 Discover Your Default 🌟 Understanding your default coping style is the first step to better communication and connection. Everyone has a go-to method for dealing with stress, and these can vary based on whether you're neurotypical, autistic, or ADHD. Recognizing these patterns in yourself and your partner can transform how you handle conflict and stress together. 🚀 Fix-It Mode: Problem-Focused Coping What It Is: Problem-focused coping is all about taking action. It's the "let's fix this now" approach. Key Actions: - Planning: Mapping out steps to tackle the issue. - Seeking Information: Digging deep to understand the problem better. - Taking Action: Jumping in and getting things done. Pros: - Effective for solving manageable problems. - Can lead to quick relief. Cons: - Less effective for problems beyond control. - Can increase stress if immediate solutions aren’t found. Who Tends to Use It: ADHD partners might default to this approach due to their preference for immediate action and problem-solving. 💖 Embrace the Emotions: Emotion-Focused Coping What It Is: Emotion-focused coping centers on managing how you feel rather than tackling the problem head-on. Key Actions: - Seeking Emotional Support: Leaning on friends, family, or a therapist. - Positive Reframing: Finding the silver lining in tough situations. - Relaxation Techniques: Engaging in calming activities like meditation or yoga. Pros: - Helps manage emotional distress. - Useful when the problem cannot be immediately resolved. Cons: - May not address the root cause of stress. - Over-reliance can prevent practical solutions. Who Tends to Use It: Neurotypical partners often lean towards this style, valuing emotional regulation and support to process their feelings. 🚫 Head in the Sand: Avoidance-Focused Coping What It Is: Avoidance-focused coping involves sidestepping the issue or the emotions it brings. Key Actions: - Denial: Pretending the problem doesn't exist. - Distraction: Engaging in other activities to avoid the stressor. - Substance Use: Using alcohol or drugs to escape emotional pain. Pros: - Provides temporary relief from stress. - Gives you time to cool down and come up with a more thoughtful approach. Cons: - Doesn’t solve the problem, which may worsen over time. - Can lead to unhealthy behaviors and additional stressors. Who Tends to Use It: Autistic partners may default to avoidance when overwhelmed by stimuli or stress, using it as a quick escape from intense situations. 🌱 Grow Together: Understanding and Expanding Your Coping Styles Do you recognize yourself? Or your partner? Take a moment to reflect on which of these coping styles resonates with you. Identifying your default coping style is the first step towards growth. Now, rank these three styles—problem-focused, emotion-focused, and avoidance-focused—based on how well they fit you and your partner. This simple exercise can provide powerful insights into your relationship dynamics. Here’s the game-changer: we're not forever trapped in our default coping styles! By recognizing your own and your partner’s default modes, you can start to adapt and grow. Steps to Expansion: Self-Reflection: Identify your default coping style. Communication: Share and discuss your coping styles with your partner. The goal is to be able to talk to your partner about which coping style you are using in the moment you're using it. Validation: Take turns validating each other’s approach to cut out the shame that one way is better or worse than another. Flexibility: Practice using different coping strategies in various situations. Support: Lean on us here at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center for guidance and support. Embrace the journey of understanding and expanding your coping styles. This isn't just about dealing with stress—it's about deepening your connection and building a stronger partnership. Let's make a pact to move beyond our defaults and grow together. Remember, we're here for you every step of the way. Warmest regards, Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Think You Might be on the Autism Spectrum? Want to understand how you may be masking? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take the CAT-Q Questionnaire Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

ADHD and sex can be a wild combination. At its best, it’s electric—intimate, intense, full of energy.At its worst? Scattered, impulsive, confusing. Many ADHDers feel deeply present one moment—then drift off mid-connection. They want to be great lovers and attentive partners… But distraction, urgency, or miscommunication keeps getting in the way. It’s not about caring less. It’s about how your brain works. That’s why we created the ADHD Sexual Intimacy Measure (ADHD-SIM‑24) . This self-assessment helps you decode how your brain's wiring impacts your sex life—especially when it comes to focus, impulse, and connection. You’ll rate your level of agreement with statements like: “I can pause and check in with my partner even when I'm excited.” “My mind often drifts to unrelated thoughts when I'm intimate.” “I find it difficult to wait when I want sexual contact." The ADHD-SIM-24 only takes about 5–7 minutes. And instead of a vague “you’re doing fine” or “you need help,” it gives you real insights. You’ll get five scores: One total score that reflects your overall intimacy profile Four targeted subscales showing your patterns in: Attention & Presence Impulse Control & Risk Boundaries & Consent Relationship Communication & Satisfaction These subscales are the real magic—they help you pinpoint where things feel smooth and where they get sticky. Maybe your focus is strong, but boundaries get fuzzy.Maybe you’re great at communicating—but struggle to pause before acting. This gives you the map. 👉 Take the ADHD-SIM-24 If you’d like to process your results with someone who gets both ADHD and intimacy challenges, our neuro-informed specialists are here. No shame. Just support. With care, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center P.S. If you’re in a relationship where one partner is autistic and the other has ADHD, it’s not just a double dose—it’s a double puzzle. We'd love to help you with that too. Get Matched with a Therapist 🔦 Spotlight on Liz McClanahan Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Therapy Autism & ADHD Parenting Autistic Children Intimacy, Sex, Affair Recovery Anger Management Life Transitions Personal Experience My husband is on the Autism Spectrum and received his diagnosis later in life. I am so proud of my 26-year marriage and the fact that we were able to reconcile after a divorce and remarry. My two children are also on the Spectrum. They have taught me how differences can be intensely beautiful and frustrating at the same time. Learn more about Liz! © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these questionnaires may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Cassandra Support The Neurotypical Experience WHAT IS CASSANDRA SYNDROME? You might be wondering about Cassandra Syndrome. In Greek mythology, Apollo grants Cassandra the gift of prophecy; the ability to foresee the future. He gave her this gift with the hope of seducing her but when Cassandra later rejected him, he placed a curse on her — her prophecies were never being believed. Even though Cassandra had the power to see the future and warn people of bad fortune, no one believed her. She felt dismissed and rejected, regarded by the townspeople as the town fool. This state of not being believed was the source of great pain and frustration. Similarly, many partners of those with autism feel that no-one believes how miserable their life has become, leading them to relate deeply with Cassandra's predicament. Thus, Cassandra Phenomenon (or Cassandra Syndrome) refers to the experience a non-autistic person (allistic) has in the relationship when: that person is experiencing ongoing trauma and is not being believed when they talk with a friend about the problems in the relationship with their autistic partner." So this is how we have the term Cassandra Syndrome which is a type of Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome (OTRS) . THE IMPACT OF CASSANDRA SYNDROME Your experience, like many other Neurotypical (NT) women in relationships with autistic men, can be likened to the story of Cassandra, which serves as a powerful metaphor. NOT BELIEVED When seeking support from friends and family, you may be met with disbelief and blindness to your pain. They only see the positive traits of your husband for the short time they interact with him. So they conclude that there is something wrong with you. Adding to your distress, when you turn to counselors who don't understand the ongoing impact of autism in a relationship, your story of trauma may be discounted or dismissed. EMOTIONAL DESERT We hear NT wives describe how their husband's struggle with empathy and focus on special interests leads to a breakdown of communication and never-ending disconnect. One client described her experience as: "It's like living in an emotional desert." This isolation often leads to anxiety and depression, along with physical symptoms such as digestive disorders and autoimmune diseases. Over time, emotional deprivation can have debilitating long-term effects. Deep resentment, burning anger, and a loss of self are common. HOPE As dark as the picture may look, it's important to know that recovery is possible. That is why we are so glad you are here! We would like to guide you step-by-step to hope and healing . How? We have a separate site, Believing Cassandra , dedicated specifically to those experiencing Cassandra Syndrome. There, we offer an in-depth look at this experience along with guides, answers, and therapy options specific to your situation. Click the button below to be directed to Believing Cassandra , now. Visit our sister Cassandra Site THE NEUROTYPICAL EXPERIENCE Because the person with autism does not have the same relational needs as the allistic partner, he or she is often unable to instinctively recognize the emotional needs of his or her partner and may feel ill-equipped to meet them. Relationships can thus form seriously dysfunctional patterns. RELATIONSHIP OF CONVENIENCE? People who do not have autism enter a relationship with the normal expectation that the priority of a relationship will be about togetherness, mutual terms and meeting of needs, but in reality, the relationship ends up feeling like one of practicality and convenience for the person with autism. For those who had typical expectations of the mutuality of marriage, there will be a sense of betrayal and a feeling of being used and trapped . Instinctively they know that their partner needs them, but feelings develop that the relationship is about the needs and interests of the person with autism and that there is no room for their own voice. We're here to help! STEPS & SOLUTIONS: VALIDATING REALITY The first step to start supporting the neurotypical partner is to sit with the reality of what life has become. To begin to grieve the dreams of what the relationship was "supposed" to look like. This usually takes the form of the following steps: 1. Sharing the story of how the couple got together. When the autistic partner is in the romantic phase, he/she can often turn a tremendous amount of focus on the neurotypical partner. This is what sets the stage for future disappointment. 2. Make room to share how the story went bad Usually no-one wants to hear the details of the broken relationship for fear of feeling sad or bad mouthing the autistic partner. You deserve to be heard and your pain to be witnessed. 3. Grieve for your losses Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross was the first person to suggest that we go through five distinct stages of grief after the loss of a loved one: Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and finally acceptance. The neurotypical partner needs loving support to gently work through all of her/his emotions. Once these steps are done, healing in the relationship can proceed with much less resentment. SELF CARE FOR THE NEUROTYPICAL It is important to realize that a person living with someone with special needs, also has special needs. A large portion of our work is to help the NT partner in some of the concrete ways listed below. Please know that it takes some effort to apply them in your life. And, usually, only about half of them work. Our job is to help you explore and find the ways that fit you best. 1. Focus on the Positives Appreciate the strengths of the autistic partner (which often included loyalty, stability, intelligence and independence), 2. Be Concrete with your Requests Learn how to communicate your needs in a constructive manner that can be received by your autistic partner 3. Focus on small, positive changes Don't expect big changes overnight or you will be disappointed and it will make it hard to stay on track. Imagine the smallest change possible that would signal a shift in how things have been going. Then focus on that. 4. Promise yourself that you will have a great future, no matter what. You can not control what your spouse does, but you can control what you decide to do with yourself and your children, if you have them. Take a deep breath and envision how you are going to create a great future, regardless of your spouse's choices. 5. Exercise your worry away. Take a walk, get some exercise to become more fit. Exercise can be a lifesaver. It helps to assuage worries, feel good about yourself and increase feel-good hormones like endorphins. 6. Do one new thing you enjoy. Don't become stale just because you are having a shaky time in your marriage. Novelty will stimulate your brain and maybe even your heart and help you have a more positive outlook about the future. 7. Prioritize quality time with your children or other loved ones. Be present. You will never be able to experience your children's childhood again, so do your best to be with them mentally when you're with them. 8. If you get off track, get back on quickly without self-blame .What separates the winners from the losers is not whether or how many times you get off track, it's how rapidly you get back on track. 9. Do activities that help you rediscover serenity. Meditate, pray, hike in the mountains or watch a sky full of shooting stars. 10. Be kind, even if you think your spouse doesn't deserve it. You may be angry, disappointed, or even devastated by your spouse's choices and actions. However, rather than react to unsettling behavior, assume your spouse is lost and confused. Be patient, kind and steady. SETTING CLEAR GOALS & DIRECTION Before we even start to think about overcoming the obstacles that are intrinsic to our relationship, and dealing with the problems that life gives us, it is very, VERY important to make sure we are clear on what specific actions we are taking , what we are optimizing for, and why. Before we begin solving "the problem", we have to first make sure we truly understand it. If we continue to act on the assumption that (for example) your partner hates you when the problem is that he/she hasn't eaten all day (or anything else), then we end up making the problem worse, not better. Conflicting Motivations Once we are clear on our direction and what we are optimizing for, it is important to make sure that we aren't unconsciously self-sabotaging the process. We may want closeness but at the same time be afraid of later disappointment. These conflicting desires can result in some confusing behaviors. Often, when people fail at this step, it's because they have a conflict between their outer desire and intent and their inner desire and intent. Let's consider another example, let’s say there is a partner who plays video games all day. On one hand, they want their autistic partner to become more interested in spending time together. But on the other hand, they might be terrified that attempting emotional connection may result in a painful fight. So it is understandable that neurotypical partners may unconsciously sabotage the little closeness that exists through complaints or negative comments so that they don't need to face the discomfort of changing the status quo. Managing Energy & Defensiveness People do the best they can with the emotional capacity they have. When they run out of emotional energy/capacity, the relationship dynamics go straight down hil l. This is based on at the science of Emotional Resource Theory & Defense Mode (an approach coined by a very helpful website, Asperger's Experts), It is helpful to get an understanding of the biological basis for fear, stress & overwhelm, and then delve deep into motivation and emotional capacity issues. With this in mind, as the neurotypical partner, it is essential to know when to step in and help your partner, when that action turns into enabling, and develop a framework for knowing how and when to request that your AS partner act differently. Communication and Trust Building Even though you will address this in couples work, it is important to have support as you learn to listen and talk in a whole new way so you can feel heard and listen better. You will explore what it takes for you to step away from conflict, to call time-outs without abandoning your partner. This is the step where we build connection and mend past relationship wounds. You will take a look at your own wounds that you brought into the relationship and find ways to express what you need in ways your partner can hear you. PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER Throughout this work, you will take the tools and experiences that we share and create a clear action plan. The goal is to be consistent and dependable. We will also discuss how to course correct when the plan is not working. Lastly, we will develop a maintenance plan so that the learning will stick, long after therapy has ended. If you are interested in therapy with a counselor who is highly trained in issues related to Cassandra Syndrome, you have come to the right place. We are proud to present our partner website, Believing Cassandra , which is dedicated to healing the Cassandra experience. CASSANDRA SYNDROME (CADD) & OTHER SYMPTOMS Many neurotypical partners often feel that they are sacrificing their own sense of self to help fulfill the priorities of the partner who has autism. They begin to feel that they are entirely defined by the role they fill for their autistic partner. There often is a felt loss of mutuality. This set of symptoms has been described in many ways: Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Syndrome (OTRS) Cassandra Phenomenon (CADD) Ready to start your journey to healing and understanding? Reach out today and see how we can help you find hope again. Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

When I counsel neurodiverse couples, it's pretty common to hear the allistic partner wonder out loud: "At the start of our relationship, I think my partner hid who he really was. I feel lied to." Ah, the exhilarating beginning of a relationship, where everything feels like a page taken out of a fairy tale. For our neurodiverse lovebirds, this time can be especially magical... and complex. 🎭 The Alluring Beginning: A Special Interest Affair Imagine being the center of someone's world, their "special interest". That's how many allistic partners feel when dating an autistic person. This intense focus can feel like the ultimate romantic dream. But here's the rub: during the dating phase, interactions are often limited, allowing the autistic partner to mask or adjust their behaviors more easily. It's like being a guest star in the most captivating play of your life. 🎭💘 The Masking Masquerade and the Distance Dance Not living together means you're not facing the day-to-day challenges that come with neurodiversity in a shared space. The allistic partner sees stability in the pursuing partner, which feels comforting and secure. And being the emotional guide for the relationship? It can make you feel valued and indispensable in the most heartwarming way. But Then... Reality Sets In As the relationship deepens and living together becomes a reality, the daily demands reveal themselves. The neurodiverse partner might feel overwhelmed by expectations that were never discussed, feeling a sense of betrayal by new, unspoken demands. On the flip side, the allistic partner might mourn the evaporation of the intense romance that once was, feeling as though the magic has dissipated into thin air. 💔 The Emotional Crossroads: Where Do We Go from Here? This is where the true adventure begins. Neuro-informed therapy isn't just a buzzword; it's a beacon of hope. Imagine a space where both partners learn to understand and appreciate the beauty of their differences. Where communication styles are not just acknowledged but celebrated. 🎉 In this tailored therapy approach, we delve deep into the art of masking, unmasking, and everything in between. We explore the dynamics of special interests and how they can be both a source of connection and misunderstanding. We provide tools and strategies for navigating the day-to-day realities of a neurodiverse relationship, turning potential pitfalls into stepping stones towards a stronger bond. 🛠️❤️ Together, we'll rediscover connection, not by returning to the past, but by creating a new, shared future. A future where both partners feel seen, heard, and valued for their authentic selves. Because at the end of the day, love isn't about changing each other. It's about growing together in understanding and acceptance. 💑🌱 Ready to explore what neuro-informed therapy can do for your relationship? Click Here To Match With An Expert Your love story deserves to be understood, celebrated, and nurtured. With warmth and hope, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Our therapists understand the unique struggles faced by those navigating cancer and neurodiversity. We are here to help you thrive and find happiness in your daily life. AUTISM & CANCER < Back AUTISM & CANCER SUPPORTING THOSE WITH AUTISM & CANCER Cancer can be a tremendous challenge for anyone. Yet, if you are autistic, you may face unique difficulties in dealing with the physical and emotional aspects of cancer. And, thus you deserve specialized support.

ADHD in relationships Why do couples impacted by ADHD fight so often? Because missed responsibilities, forgotten promises, and poor follow-through wear both partners down. One feels unsupported. The other feels constantly criticized.Resentment builds. So why does the non-ADHD partner feel so overburdened? They often pick up the slack. They become the “responsible one.” They carry the weight of bills, chores, schedules. When they ask for help, they may be met with defensiveness or inaction. Over time, exhaustion turns into loneliness. And what about the ADHD partner? They live with shame, overwhelm, and feelings of inadequacy. When failure feels inevitable, withdrawal seems safer than trying again. That avoidance damages intimacy. Not because they don’t care—but because their brain is wired differently. What patterns show up most often? The parent/child imbalance. The “always in trouble” dynamic. The cycle where one enforces and the other resists. Research shows these roles cause frustration, burnout, and disconnection. So what is a boundary or strategy that actually works? It’s not nagging harder.It ’s not “trying harder.”It’s ADHD-sensitive tools.Like the visitor-based method . How the visitor-based method works This technique is based on a simple principle: "Just show up first, then decide". Decide on a task. Select a single item to focus on, such as a work assignment, a chore, or a personal project. Make a "visit." Approach the task and commit to working on it for a short, non-intimidating period of time. This can be as brief as a single deep breath or a few seconds. Decide what's next. After this short period, you have the agency to decide whether to continue working on the task or to walk away. Repeat as needed. If you decide to walk away, plan another "visit" for the next day. Preferably one that is at least slightly longer than the last. Knowing you have the ability to abandon the task at any time decreases the pressure, and each interaction with the task, no matter how small, is considered a success. ] Not sure if it’s ADHD? Our quick guide makes it easy to explore. Worried they’ll “visit” and not follow through? Use guardrails so both partners feel safe. Track visits in a shared place that’s visible. Agree on a same-time daily check-in that is factual, not critical. Define a fallback if three tasks are missed (for example, swap tasks, co-work for 10 minutes, or pick a smaller version). Celebrate progress; escalate only if the agreed guardrails are repeatedly skipped. Why does therapy help? Because ADHD is a brain difference, not a moral failing. Couples need new rules of engagement—shared responsibility, kindness, and tailored strategies. Therapy interrupts destructive cycles. It restores partnership. And it replaces blame with teamwork. So here’s the bottom line. ADHD doesn’t have to mean endless conflict. But you can’t white-knuckle your way out of these patterns. Lasting change takes new tools, new agreements, and a team-based approach. If ADHD is hurting your relationship, we can help you build something different. [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Jamison Haase Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Autism, ADHD Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Trauma-Informed Emotional Regulation Attachment Communication Family Conflict Emotional Intimacy Life Experience Grew up in rural Minnesota in a home marked by silence, shame, and hidden struggles—later reframed by a late ADHD diagnosis that brought clarity and compassion. Spent 25 years in Hollywood as an actor and coach, learning to read subtext, hold space, and guide people to find their authentic voice. Now raising two energetic kids in a neurodiverse marriage, living the daily realities of sensory storms, parenting trials, and the resilience that comes from building systems that celebrate difference. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT # 151355, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Jamison! Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References Ek, A., & Isaksson, G. (2013). How adults with ADHD get engaged in and perform everyday activities. Scandinavian Journal of Occupational Therapy, 20 (4), 282–291. https://doi.org/10.3109/11038128.2013.799226 Ginapp, C. M., Greenberg, N. R., Macdonald-Gagnon, G., Angarita, G. A., Bold, K. W., & Potenza, M. N. (2023). The experiences of adults with ADHD in interpersonal relationships and online communities: A qualitative study. SSM – Qualitative Research in Health, 3, 100223. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ssmqr.2023.100223 Knies, K., Bodalski, E. A., & Flory, K. (2021). Romantic relationships in adults with ADHD: The effect of partner attachment style on relationship quality. Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, 38 (1), 42–64. https://doi.org/10.1177/0265407520953898 Konrad, K., & Eickhoff, S. B. (2010). Is the ADHD brain wired differently? A review on structural and functional connectivity in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Human Brain Mapping, 31 (6), 904–916. https://doi.org/10.1002/hbm.21058 Robbins, C. A. (2005). ADHD couple and family relationships: Enhancing communication and understanding through Imago Relationship Therapy. Journal of Clinical Psychology, 61 (5), 565–577. https://doi.org/10.1002/jclp.20120 Wymbs, B. T., Canu, W. H., Sacchetti, G. M., & Ranson, L. M. (2021). Adult ADHD and romantic relationships: What we know and what we can do to help. Journal of Marital & Family Therapy, 47 (3), 664–681. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12475 Zeides Taubin, D., & Maeir, A. (2023). “I wish it wasn’t all on me”: women’s experiences living with a partner with ADHD. Disability and Rehabilitation, 46 (14), 3017–3025. https://doi.org/10.1080/09638288.2023.2239158 Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Autism & Teens ⚡ Hey You — Yeah, You. Let’s Talk. 🧠 Your Brain Isn’t Wrong. The world is just bad at keeping up. If you’re autistic (or think you might be) and you’re a teen, you already know: School, friends, family — sometimes it feels like you’re playing a game where nobody gives you the rules. People act like you’re the problem. Like if you just tried harder, smiled more, blended in better — everything would magically work out. Spoiler alert: You’re not the problem. The system is. And no, we’re not here to fix you. We’re here to team up with you and build something better. 🚀 What Makes Us Different (and Actually Worth Your Time) Look, you’ve probably been sent to a school counselor before. You sit down. They glance at your file. They tell you to “just self-advocate more.” Fifteen minutes later, you’re back in algebra pretending nothing happened. Yeah... no. We don’t do that. You get real sessions — no rushing you through because someone’s watching the clock. You get real expertise — we live autism and ADHD, not just read about it. You get real respect — no weird vibes, no fake smiles, no “just try harder to fit in” speeches. We get you. Not the "you" people wish you were — the real you. 🌟 Meet the Therapists Who Actually Love Working with Teens Some people say they like working with teens. Our team actually means it. We have therapists who are seriously passionate about teaming up with teens who think differently, feel deeply, and see the world in their own way. (And no, they’re not cringey about it.) You'll meet therapists who: ✅ Respect your independence (and your sarcasm). ✅ Know how to listen first — not just jump into advice mode. ✅ Actually enjoy helping teens figure out real-world stuff without making it boring. ✅ Get that autism and ADHD aren’t "deficits" — they’re different operating systems. ✅ Know what it’s like to feel out of sync with the world — and how to build a life that fits you better. You’ll be able to see who feels like a good fit — because therapy works way better when you actually like the person you're talking to. 💬 What We Actually Do Together 👉 Help you explain yourself without feeling like a robot. 👉 Figure out what shuts you down — and what lights you up. 👉 Talk about friends, dating, school, family — the real stuff. 👉 Build skills that make your life easier , not heavier. 👉 Make space for you to be angry, tired, excited, weird — whatever. It’s all welcome here. 🧡 A Quick Note for Parents (Yeah, we know you’re here too.) You’re probably hoping your teen finds some support that actually clicks with them. You’re probably also tired of “programs” that make your teen feel more isolated instead of more confident. We’re not here to erase your teen’s individuality. We’re here to strengthen it. We focus on building real-world skills, healthy independence, and better relationships — without pathologizing who your teen already is. We keep you informed — but your teen’s voice is always the main event here. 🎯 What It’s Like to Work With Us ✅ No rushing. Full attention, full sessions. ✅ No pressure to "act normal." ✅ No lectures. ✅ Real conversations. Real strategies. Real growth. It’s not about fixing you. It’s about helping you build the kind of life where you don’t have to hide. 🌈 Ready When You Are Click here to schedule a free consultation. (Or tell your parents to do it if that’s easier — we won’t judge.) You deserve more than just surviving. You deserve to actually live. And we’re ready to roll when you are. ✌️ Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

The Night We Shattered Listen to my client's story (heavily modified to maintain confidentiality) My wife and I, sprawled on the living room floor, surrounded by the wreckage of a dinner gone wrong. The chicken burned, smoke curling up like a bad omen, while the autism-driven need for routine in me clashed with her frantic improvisation. We’d been fighting—sharp words slicing deeper than we meant—over who forgot to set the timer. Tears streaked her face; my jaw clenched so tight I thought it’d crack. Suffering hung heavy, a third guest at our ruined table. But then she reached for my hand, her fingers trembling, and whispered, “We’re still here.” I exhaled, the tension splintering, and we laughed—raw, messy, real. That night didn’t fix this couple, but it proved suffering isn’t the enemy; it’s the fire we walk through together. 🌟 Suffering: The Uninvited Teacher Suffering barges into every life—no RSVP required. It’s not a glitch; it’s the pulse of being human. We learn the most when the ground shakes beneath us—grit sharpens in the scrape of hard moments. For couples, though, there’s a sneaky script whispering that love should be painless, effortless, a rom-com without the third act twist. But here’s the kicker: suffering isn’t a sign you’ve failed. It’s the raw material of growth. And for neurodiverse couples—say, one autistic partner, one not—it can feel like the volume’s cranked up, amplifying the sting of difference. 🌈 Why Neurodiverse Couples Feel the Burn 🌀 The Myth of “Shouldn’t Be This Hard” Neurodiverse couples wrestle with a double-edged lie: suffering means something’s broken, and their differences make it worse. An autistic partner might crave predictability while the other thrives on spontaneity—cue the friction. They think, “If we were more alike, this wouldn’t hurt so much.” Spoiler : suffering doesn’t care about brain wiring—it’s an equal-opportunity sculptor. 🌪️ Difference Amplifies the Echo When missteps hit—like a missed social cue or a meltdown over plans gone sideways—the gap in how you process the world can feel like a canyon. It’s not pathology; it’s just difference doing its dance. But that dance can trick you into believing you’re suffering because of autism or neurotypicality, not because life is a wild, messy ride. Start Strengthening Your Relationship 💡 Suffering as a Forge, Not a Fracture Poet Rainer Maria Rilke once wrote, “Perhaps all the dragons in our lives are princesses who are only waiting to see us act, just once, with beauty and courage.” Suffering’s the dragon—and how you face it defines you. For couples, it’s not about dodging the flames but linking arms to meet them. It reveals your core: Strip away the easy days, and what’s left is who you are. It bonds through battle: Surviving together carves a shared story no sunny day can match. It’s universal, not personal: Your neurodiverse struggles? They’re human struggles, remixed. Nelson Mandela said suffering turns ordinary people into something extraordinary—if they let it. For neurodiverse pairs, that “letting it” means seeing difference as a co-conspirator, not a culprit. 🛠️ Interventions: How We Help You Harness Suffering 🔍 Neuro-Informed Insight Our specialists get it: autism and neurotypicality aren’t flaws to fix—they’re lenses shaping how you experience pain. We decode those lenses so you stop blaming the wiring and start tackling the real stuff. Think less “Why can’t you just…?” and more “How do we ride this wave together?” ⚡ Practical Tools We don’t peddle fluffy “just communicate” fixes. Instead, we map your unique rhythms—maybe scripting responses for overwhelm or carving out sensory reset zones—so suffering becomes a challenge you master, not a chaos you drown in. 🌟 Reframing the Narrative Our team flips the script: suffering isn’t extra baggage for neurodiverse couples; it’s a chance to build something fierce and rare. We guide you to see each clash as a chisel, not a wrecking ball. 🏋️♂️ Exercise: Facing the Fire Together Grab a notebook or your phone—try this with your partner if you’re brave. Answer solo first, then share. Pinpoint the Pain: What’s one recurring suffering in your relationship right now? Name it—be specific. Feel the Sting: What’s the loudest thought it triggers? (“This shouldn’t be happening” or “If only they were different”?) Flip the Lens: How has this struggle made you stronger—alone or as a pair? Dig deep. Find the Gift: What’s one skill or truth this suffering taught you that you’d never learn in calm waters? Plot the Pivot: What’s one tiny step you could take together to face it—not fix it, just face it? Seal the Pact: Write a one-sentence vow to each other about meeting suffering as a team. Take 10 minutes to try this exercise. No pressure—just honesty. This isn’t about erasing pain; it’s about owning it. 🎉 Closing Punch: You’re Built for This Suffering doesn’t mean you’re failing—it means you’re alive, clashing, growing. For neurodiverse couples, the stakes feel higher because the differences are louder, but so is the payoff. You’re not cursed with extra hurt; you’re gifted with a sharper forge. Step into it together—because the couples who thrive don’t avoid suffering; they wield it. 💬 Ready to wield your struggles into strengths? Click here to schedule your session. Warmly, Harry Motro Clinical Director Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center 🔦 Spotlight on Heather Emerson-Young Specialties and Certifications Neurodivergent Couples Autistic Individuals & Family Members ADHD & Executive Functioning Support Complex Trauma & PTSD Substance Use & Co-Occurring Disorders Co-Parenting Challenges Parenting Twice Exceptional Children Identity & Self-Acceptance Specialist in Neurodiverse Relationships Life Experience Lived Experience in a Neurodiverse Marriage Mother of Two Unique Children – Parenting an 18-year-old and a 13-year-old. Diverse Educational Background – Master’s in Marriage & Family Therapy, degrees in Communication, and a Doctorate in Education Experience Across Multiple Fields – Over five years in nonprofit work supporting the unhoused, LGBTQ+ communities, and individuals with learning disabilities Dedicated Educator – Adjunct professor at community college, undergraduate, and graduate levels Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapist – Using evidence-based and strength-focused approaches to support clients Contact Heather Today! Did you miss the last Blog? Click Here to Read Now! Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Cassie Clayton, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Cassie Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

You’ve seen top 10 lists before. You might roll your eyes. Too generic. Too fluffy. Doesn’t apply. We get it. But this one’s different. It’s built for your relationship. A neurodiverse relationship. The Big 10 for Neurodiverse Relationships Don’t assume silence means disinterest. Sometimes it means overload. Ask, don’t guess. Fight the confusion, not each other. You’re wired differently, not broken. Say what you really mean. Neurotypical hints don’t work here. Take breaks when you’re flooded. Then come back. Always come back. Ask for the connection you need. Don’t wait for it to show up by magic. Celebrate your partner’s effort, not just results. What looks small may be huge. Touch…if it’s wanted. Check first. Respect sensory needs. Ask, “What makes today easier?” Daily micro-tweaks beat grand fixes. Goals and dreams can look different. But they still need to be shared. Choose kindness before clarity. You can always explain more later. We could spend a full session on each one. And maybe we will. But you may not even need us. Pick one a day. Sit with it. Let it shift the way you show up. That one small change? It might change everything. Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Get Matched with a Therapist 🔦 Spotlight on Shea Davis Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Cassandra Syndrome Support Communication Addiction, Trauma, Betrayal Recovery Blended Families Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Emotionally Focused Therapy Internal Family Systems Personal Experience Lived 24 Years in a Neurodiverse Marriage. I know the highs and heartbreaks of a relationship where love is real—but miscommunication is constant. That lived experience grounds the way I support couples navigating similar dynamics. Parented a Brilliant, Struggling Neurodivergent Son. As a mom and advocate, I learned to interpret, adapt, and create safety for a child the world didn’t always understand. That shaped my deep respect for nervous system differences and co-regulation. Rebuilt After Addiction, Trauma & Betrayal. I’ve walked through collapse and come out the other side—with hard-earned insight into recovery, boundaries, and how to rebuild relationships rooted in mutual safety. Learn more about Shea! © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

The divorce is in the rear mirror. You found love again. You brought two households together. You imagined a bigger table…more laughter…shared adventures. Then reality pulled up a chair. Suddenly, everything feels like a tug of war. Alliances form. Kids get stuck in the middle. And if autism or ADHD are in the mix? Every tiny shift feels louder, brighter, harder to predict. You plan the hand‑offs. You color‑code the calendar. You deliver the pep talks. Yet, the meltdowns still land in the hallway at 8:07 p.m.—just when the baby is finally asleep and the dog decides to bark. But why?! Because blending a family is really hard, and even harder in a neurodiverse household. Yet understanding each other’s brain wiring can be the real game-changer. It’s not about who’s right or who needs to try harder. It ’s about seeing that sensory overload, missed cues, or scattered follow-through might not be intentional—just different. When we drop the blame and shame, we make space for new strategies that work for your actual family, not some textbook version. Understanding and compassion becomes the glue. And yes—this can be learned. How is your blended family doing? Take these tests to find out: ➤ For STEP-parents: Blended Family- Step-Parent -Integration & Resilience Questionnaire ➤ For BIO-parents: Blended Family- Biological Parent- Synergy & Collaboration Inventory ➤ For ALL parents: Blended Family- Parent -Well-Being Questionnaire (BF-Family-WQ-25) ➤ For CHILDREN (minor & adults): Blended Family- Child -Adaptation and Well‐Being Scale Take them all here: https://www.blendedfamilycounselingcenter.com/self-discovery With these tests, you'll get concrete feedback on topics like: Communication & Bonding with Stepchild Integration & Sense of Belonging Co-Parenting & Collaboration with the Biological Parent Conflict Management & Support They’ll spotlight what you need to work on and how we can help. We blend neuro‑informed knowledge with step‑family wisdom. We explore ways to grow—without asking anyone to mask who they are. Ready to blend better? ➤ Book a free consultation today. Let’s rebuild a home where every brain—and every heart—fits. With hope, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center and Blended Family Counseling Center Get Matched with a Therapist 🔦 Spotlight on Lea Choi Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Counseling ADHD & Autism Relationship Coaching Emotional Regulation Executive Functioning Support Complex Parenting Challenges Multicultural & Intercultural Relationships LGBTQIA+, Poly & Kink-Affirming Personal Experience Lived Experience in a Neurodiverse Relationship – Navigated firsthand the challenges of differing communication styles, sensory needs, and emotional processing. Proudly AuDHD Overcame years of feeling unseen by developing relationship strategies that work for both partners, not just one. Discovered that love isn’t always verbal—it can be expressed through small, meaningful actions. Learn more about Lea! Disclaimer: These questionnaires are meant to spark insight and self‑reflection. Each one can serve as a springboard for noticing patterns, naming challenges, and starting honest conversations—whether with a partner, therapist, coach, or supportive friend. Because these tools are still in development and have not undergone formal scientific validation, their reliability and accuracy are not yet established. They are not diagnostic instruments and should never replace a professional evaluation. For individualized guidance, please consult with one of our clinicians. © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these questionnaires may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the Blended Family Therapy Center. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

As a therapist deeply immersed in the intricate dynamics of neurodiverse relationships, I've often found myself in the middle of the age-old debate: What holds more value, facts or feelings? 🤔 Picture this: one partner, with a furrowed brow, insists, "The facts clearly show I'm right! You are completely overreacting! You shouldn't feel that way." 😠 While the other, with a sigh of frustration, counters, " But you're missing how all this makes me feel, which is just as important." 😞 This isn't just an argument; it's a vivid illustration of two fundamentally different ways of experiencing the world, each with its own language, trying desperately to be heard and understood. 🗣️ The Deep Roots of Emotions 🌱 A deeper dive into the nature of feelings reveals that they are often rooted in past experiences rather than the present moment. This is particularly true for individuals who have endured trauma. For them, current events can act as triggers, invoking disproportionate emotional responses that seem incongruent with the actual situation. It's akin to a geological fault line; when the present bumps against this line, it causes tremors that reverberate through our being, manifesting as intense emotions. Understanding an Outsized Reaction 😲😡😥😖 This understanding of emotions sheds light on why we might react strongly to certain situations that, to our partner, might seem minor. It's NOT the present circumstance that's solely responsible for our feelings; instead, it's our past experiences casting long shadows over our current perceptions. This shift from present to past can lead us to erroneously believe that, if only our partner would change, our emotional turmoil would subside. However, the key to mitigating these disproportionate reactions lies in having compassion for the underlying trauma, thereby recalibrating our emotional responses to better match the realities of the present. The Autistic Mistake: Dismissing Emotions ❌🧠 Unfortunately, autistic partners often make the mistake of arguing facts over feelings. The wiser path is acknowledging the reality and significance of feelings, while setting facts aside for the moment. Emotions are indicators, messengers that convey important insights about our inner world and our relationships. The Allistic Mistake: Equating Emotions to Truth ❌🔮 On the other hand, the mistake that an allistic partner makes is to elevate these feelings to the status of incontrovertible truths , allowing them to unjustifiably indict others or dictate our actions. This misstep can lead us down a path of misunderstanding and conflict, both with ourselves and others. Take a Pause: From Primal to Thoughtful Response ⏸️💡 One of the most effective strategies for navigating emotional triggers is the practice of pausing before reacting. This pause, a moment of intentional breath and reflection, allows us to move from a primal, reactive state to one of thoughtful response. It signals to our body that we are safe, enabling us to engage the more rational parts of our brain. Learning to pause and respond rather than react can result in a monumental shift for a couple. Feelings are Essential, Not Truth 💖 Feeling our feelings is essential. Resisting or denying them as an individual or a couple only amplifies their intensity and can lead to greater internal turmoil. Feelings are transient energies, constantly in flux. By allowing them to flow through us, they lose their power to overwhelm. Yet, remembering this truth can be challenging in moments of acute emotional distress. Ultimately, honoring our feelings while also recognizing that they are not infallible truths is a delicate balance to achieve. Feelings provide valuable insights into our emotional landscape, but they must be interpreted with caution and context, particularly when they stem from past traumas. Neurodiverse Couples Counseling 🤝 For neurodiverse couples grappling with facts and feelings, the support of a neurodiverse couples specialist can be an invaluable step towards healing and equilibrium. In doing so, we learn not only to honor our feelings but also to ensure they serve us in constructive ways, guiding us toward healthier, more informed choices in our lives. Click Here To Match With An Expert With heartfelt guidance and support, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Screener