As a neurodiverse couples therapist, I often hear:Â
"Iâm pretty sure my husband is autistic. Weâve tried regular couples therapy and it bombed. He gets mad when I suggest he might be autistic. I feel lonely and desperate for help. What should I do?" đ
I get itâregular couples was painful for both of you. You're pretty sure heâs not going anywhere near therapy again. Â
But, for some reason, you havenât given up.
So how do I pull him in?
How to Get Him on Board
1. Pick Your Moment:
Donât drop this on him when heâs in the middle of his latest hobby deep- dive or when youâre already bickering. Find a chill time when youâre both relaxed. đ
2. Highlight the Expertise:
Emphasize that the therapist specializes in neurodiverse couples, so he or she understands our unique challenges and strengths. đ§
3. Focus on Specific Goals:
This will not be open ended therapy going nowhere.
Talk about the specific goals you both want to achieve, like better communication, less conflict, and more understanding.
Therapy is a tool to reach those goals. đŻ
4. Respect His Feelings:
Acknowledge that itâs tough to consider therapy, especially if previous experiences were negative. Show that you respect his feelings and are seeking a new approach together. đ¤
5. Small Initial Commitment:
Suggest meeting the therapist for just ONE session to see if there is a good fit. Sometimes, just meeting the therapist can alleviate fears or misconceptions. đď¸
6. Cost-Benefit Analysis:
Compare a 10% increase in happiness for decades to a few hours of failed couples therapy. âď¸
7. Respect Autonomy:
Reassure him that therapy is NOT about changing who he is, but understanding each other better and finding strategies that work for both of you. đ
8. Address Misconceptions:
Clear up any misconceptions he might have about therapy. Itâs not about laying blame or rehashing past issuesâitâs about moving forward positively. đ
Whatâs Actually Different About Neurodiverse Couples Therapy?
1. Therapist Training:
Our therapists are trained in neurodiversity and wonât shame, blame, or try to change the autistic or ADHD partner.
Youâll both be on the same footing, and itâs about equality and understanding. đŠâđŤđ¤
2. Decoding Neurodiversity:
Our therapist will break down the patterns that show up in a neurodiverse relationship in a way that makes sense. Itâs like getting the user manual for your interactions. đđ§Š
3. Rebuilding Communication:
Youâll learn how to rebuild communication that takes your brain differences into account. đŁď¸đĄ
4. Sensory Stuff:
Our therapists will help you address any sensory sensitivities and how these impact your day-to-day life. Itâs like figuring out why certain things drive him nuts and finding workarounds. đ
5. Emotional & Logic Connection:
Youâll work on understanding each otherâs emotional and logical perspectives.
Itâs about figuring out how to connect both hearts and minds, ensuring youâre on the same page emotionally and logically. We wonât prioritize emotions over logic. Both are important!!đđ§
6. Real Tools:
Youâll get practical tools and exercises to use at home. Itâs not just talkâitâs about making real changes that youâll actually notice. đ ď¸đ
Ready to Give It a Try?
Popping the question about couples therapy can be super tough.
It's like proposing all over again, but for the sake of your relationship's health.
Are you ready to give it a try? đ
Let's take the first step together. You can book a couple session or book an individual session just to talk about how to ask your partner.
We'll figure it out together, and you won't be alone in this. You got this! đŞ
Until next time,
Â
Harry
Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, Clinical Director
Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center
Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator?
Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator.Â
Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you.
Do You Have Trouble Identifying & Expressing Emotions?
Want to see if your behavior is consistent with alexithymia?
We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and