🔑 The Key to Unlocking Meaningful Conversations in Your Neurodiverse Relationship Hi There, You know that moment when you ask your partner, “How was your day?” and you’re met with...silence? Or maybe a one-word answer? It feels like you're talking AT each other instead of WITH each other. This is a common challenge in neurodiverse relationships—especially when communication styles differ dramatically. The good news? There's a way to bridge the gap by understanding the difference between object-based and social-based conversations . Let’s unpack this and look at real strategies you can use right now to change the dynamic. 💬 What’s the Difference Between Social-Based and Object-Based Conversations? It’s all about how the conversation starts. Understanding the difference can make a huge impact in neurodiverse relationships. Social-Based Conversations are the typical, emotionally driven questions like, “How are you? ” or “ How was your day? ” They focus on emotions and relationships, and for many, they help build closeness. But for some neurodiverse people, these questions feel vague or overwhelming. Object-Based Conversations focus on ideas, facts, or events, like “What did you think of that article?” or “What was your favorite part of the movie?” These questions provide structure and take the pressure off emotionally-driven sharing, making it easier to engage. Why does it matter? For neurodivergent partners, especially those on the autism spectrum, social-based questions can feel too broad or demanding. The pressure to give an emotional answer can lead to shutdowns, withdrawal, or frustration. But with object-based conversations, the focus is external, providing a comfortable, structured way to connect. 🔑 Why It’s Crucial for Neurodiverse Couples Let’s face it—communication in any relationship can be tough, but neurodiverse couples face unique challenges. For example, a question like “How are you feeling?” might feel intrusive or confusing to your neurodiverse partner. However, a question like “What’s your take on that new book?” can spark a meaningful conversation. By recognizing these differences, you’re not just improving conversations—you’re laying the foundation for deeper connection and mutual understanding. 🛠️ What Can You Do About It? Now that you understand the difference between social-based and object-based conversations, let’s dive into real, actionable steps you can take today to improve communication in your relationship. 1. Recognize Communication Patterns 🔍 The first step is awareness. Take a moment to reflect on your recent conversations. Do you lean toward asking broad, emotionally-driven questions? Does your partner often give short or vague answers? Start paying attention to these patterns. Recognizing when conversations stall is the first step to figuring out why. Try this: Keep a mental note of which questions seem to flow easily and which ones create tension or disconnection. 2. Shift to Object-Based Questions 💡 If social-based questions seem to hit a wall, try switching to object-based questions. These focus on facts, ideas, or specific events instead of emotions, making the conversation more structured and easier to engage with. Let’s look at a few sample dialogues : Example 1: The “How Was Your Day?” Trap Social-Based Approach: You: “How was your day?” Partner: “Fine.” (Conversation fizzles.) Object-Based Approach: You: “You had a meeting with the new client today, right? How did that go?” Partner: “Yeah, it was interesting. They had a lot of questions about the project.” (The conversation opens up.) Example 2: Emotional Overload Social-Based Approach: You: “How are you feeling about everything lately?” Partner: “I don’t know… it’s a lot.” (Partner seems overwhelmed, conversation ends.) Object-Based Approach: You: “You’ve been working on that new project—how’s it coming along? Is it what you expected?” Partner: “It’s been challenging but I’m learning a lot. The new software is tough to get used to, though.” (Conversation naturally evolves without pressure.) Example 3: A Specific Movie Social-Based Approach: You: “Did you like the movie?” Partner: “It was okay.” (End of conversation.) Object-Based Approach: You: “That twist at the end of the movie was wild! What did you think of how they pulled it off? ” Partner: “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that at all! It changed how I saw the whole plot.” (Engagement deepens.) 3. Keep BOTH Styles in Your Toolbox ⚖️ You don’t have to abandon social-based conversations altogether—just learn when and how to use them. The trick is to balance both styles to create opportunities for meaningful connection. If emotions are running high or your partner seems stressed, consider starting with an object-based question to get the conversation rolling before diving into emotional territory. Try this: Start by asking, “What did you think of that meeting?” instead of, “How did the meeting make you feel?” Once the conversation is flowing, your partner may naturally start to share more personal thoughts or feelings. 4. Let Conversations Evolve Naturally 🌱 Object-based conversations can act as stepping stones to deeper emotional sharing. By starting with a neutral topic, you create space for your partner to open up in their own time and comfort zone. For example, you might start with a question about their current project: “How’s the new software coming along at work?” Your partner might respond with a detailed answer, and eventually, they may begin sharing how they feel about their workload or stress levels. Allowing conversations to evolve organically rather than forcing emotional disclosure creates a safer, more relaxed environment for your partner. 5. Set Boundaries Around Emotional Conversations 🚦 Let’s face it—sometimes emotions are just too much. Both you and your partner might need boundaries around when and how emotional conversations take place. It’s perfectly fine to say, “I need a break from this topic, can we revisit it later?” This shows respect for both your emotional needs and your partner’s. Try this: When a social-based conversation feels overwhelming, pivot back to object-based questions or simply agree to pause the conversation and pick it up later. 🤝 How Our Neuro-Informed Specialists Can Help At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , we get it—communication is one of the trickiest parts of any relationship, especially when you add in neurodiversity. Our neuro-informed specialists are here to help you: Identify the communication blocks : We’ll work with you to understand why certain conversations lead to withdrawal or frustration. Build tailored conversation strategies : We teach you how to shift your conversation style to meet your partner where they’re most comfortable. Create emotional safety : Our therapists help you establish safe zones for emotional conversations while using object-based questions to build trust. Promote long-term communication success : We focus on helping you and your partner learn communication techniques that strengthen your bond over time. We’ll show you how to move from frustration to flow by harnessing the power of conversation strategies that work for your unique relationship. 🔍 Quick Tip: Ask Better Questions Want an easy way to start improving your conversations right now? Swap out broad, emotional questions with object-based ones: Instead of “How was your day? Try “Did anything interesting happen at work today?” Instead of “How are you feeling? Try “What’s been on your mind lately?” These small shifts can make a meaningful difference. ✨ Take the Next Step Feeling stuck in your conversations doesn’t mean your relationship is stuck. Let our specialists guide you toward a better way of connecting, starting today. Whether you’re navigating neurodiversity or simply looking to improve your communication skills, we’re here to help. Until next time, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Think You Might Be on the Autism Spectrum? The Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) can give you valuable insight about whether or not you meet the criteria for autism. Take the AQ Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Autism & Eating CHALLENGES, STRATEGIES, AND UNDERSTANDING THE CONNECTION. We are here to provide affirming and effective support for neurodivergent people around food and eating. Whether you are autistic, ADHD, highly sensitive, sensory processing differences, seizure disorders, OCD or otherwise identify as neurodivergent, you are in the right place. STRUGGLING WITH EATING We are here to help you/your loved one with food struggles like: Skipping meals Forgetting to eat Overwhelm/avoidance with grocery shopping General anxiety around eating Shame or guilt around eating Negative thought patterns around eating Negative thought patterns around body size/shape Feeling gross in your body during/after eating GI problems causing fear with eating Pain with eating or after eating Underfueling in athletics Binge eating Throwing up after eating Using exercise to compensate for eating Unable to eat enough due to fear of weight gain Unable to eat enough due to fear of vomiting or choking Poor appetite Lack of motivation to prepare food or eat food Obsessive thoughts or behaviors around food Anxiety around going out to restaurants Anxiety around family or social gatherings that involve eating Hiding food/hiding eating VULNERABLE, NOT BROKEN We are here to remind you/your loved one that… You are not broken. It’s common for neurodivergent people to get out of balance with eating. It doesn’t mean anything negative about you as a person. Neuro-different people are vulnerable to developing persistent problematic patterns with eating because of: differences in the nervous system, brain and body, and the impact of being a neuro-different person in a neurotypical world. These vulnerabilities include: Challenges with the practical aspects of eating due to: differences in executive functioning like time management and planning, differences in focus (like getting stuck in project mode and forgetting to eat), differences in motivation and reward pathways and differences in sleep/wake cycles. Challenges with identifying hunger cues due to differences in interoceptive awareness, body awareness and body attunement. Needs for specific foods and eating environments due to sensory differences, social differences and physical sensitivities. Overall higher anxiety and fear around food due to nervous system tendencies toward hypoarousal or hyperarousal, pain or GI distress with eating or after eating, and/or eating needs being unmet, invalidated, mocked or pathologized. Vulnerability to be influenced by parents, social media, athletic coaches or culture at large to follow restrictive diets due to pressure to ‘perform normalcy’ to be safe and accepted and the high drive to be good, excel at sports and/or optimize health. Vulnerability to become stuck in persistent problematic patterns with food due to the safety, familiarity and coping mechanisms these patterns can provide for a neurodivergent person dealing with loneliness, overwhelm, overload, rejection sensitivity, alexithymia, emotional processing differences, and feelings of inadequacy. Likelihood of failure or harm in traditional one-size-fits-all eating disorder treatment approaches that are not designed for neurodivergent people and lead to worsening issues with food and increased shame and hopelessness. HERE TO HELP Eating issues are rough. You deserve individualized support that actually helps you. We are here to support you/your loved one… CLIENT FOCUS Individuals (16+) in one-on-one therapy Couples where food/eating/body image is impacting the relationship Parent(s) seeking support to help their child (tween, teen or young adult) with food and eating. ABOUT US We are a team of clinicians dedicated to helping neurodivergent people struggling with food and eating. While there are common themes that we see with neurodivergent folks and eating, each of our clients is unique . We are eager to learn about your individual story and experiences with food. We draw upon a range of approaches including CBT/DBT, relational therapy, narrative therapy, somatic therapy, internal family systems, social justice focused therapy and family based treatment. We figure out together what works for you. Further Help If you’re seeking additional resources and specialized support for autism & eating, we invite you to visit our sister site, Eat Autism Therapy . At Eat Autism Therapy, our therapists focus on listening to your story & your journey with eating. Together we build an individualized plan for Eating Recovery as a neurodiverse person. We use your autistic strengths and traits to your advantage on your path to eating freedom. Visit the site to learn more about our services and how Eat Autism Therapy can make a difference in your life. Eat Autism Therapy Site! Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Our Neurodiverse Specialists are ready to help you work on your relationship. Whether one or both of you are Autistic, ADHD'er or otherwise neurodivergent, we are here to help. < Back Colleen Kahn Not accepting new clients See our other clinicians or Fill our our contact form to get matched Welcome, I am so delighted you are here. My Passion for Neurodiverse Couples I am dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples find a new way to love and appreciate each other. Understanding Neurodiversity First, let me cover the basic terms. A neurodiverse relationship is where at least one partner is neurodivergent (Autism, ADHD, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia, Down’s Syndrome...). This means that you and your partner are different; not better or worse. Neurodiversity may be a new concept for you. Maybe it's what you have been searching for but didn't know. It may be an awakening to the difficulties you have been experiencing in your relationship but could not quite articulate. In fact, many neurodivergent adults have gone undiagnosed for most of their lives. Neurodivergent is “the idea that people experience and interact with the world around them in different ways; there is no ‘right’ way of thinking, learning and behaving, and differences are not viewed as deficits,” according to Harvard Health. Please know that I recognize the distinct challenges you face. My personal experience has provided me with a first-hand rich understanding of the intricacies of neurodiversity. Communication Struggles Neurodiverse couples often struggle with communication breakdowns . The neurotypical partner may struggle to understand the neurodivergent partner's unique needs. The neurodivergent partner may face challenges with ADHD/Autism in expressing themselves in a way that resonates with their neurotypical partner. This two-sided communication breakdown is called the double empathy problem. Understanding this helps reduce blaming one person for the problem. This is the tip of the iceberg so to speak and one of many issues that you may be dealing with. I truly understand the frustrations that can arise. A Safe Place for Healing I am here to provide a safe and understanding space for you to explore your issues and relationship. My therapeutic approach offers a clear road map that emphasizes: fostering mutual understanding and compassion, enhancing communication skills, providing exercises and tools that you can work on separately and together, and embracing the unique strengths that each partner brings to relationships. Neurotypical Partners (Cassandra Syndrome) My journey is not just a professional one but also deeply personal. If you are in a relationship with a neurodivergent partner, it may feel isolating, frustrating, and exhausting. You may spend a lot of time and energy trying to make sense of your partner's behaviors and your reactions. You may seek books, podcasts, or any article to understand why your relationship is different. You may feel misunderstood, isolated, disconnected, and hopeless. I have been there. I have been married for 19 years. Every experience is unique. You are so special. You deserve to be seen and heard. Supporting Autism and Cancer: I recognize the importance of a compassionate, supportive ally for autistic individuals who have been diagnosed with cancer. I had the honor and privilege to work bedside with neurodivergent pediatric oncology patients and their families at Stanford Children’s Hospital. My firsthand experience at Stanford, expertise in supporting neurodivergent individuals, and being a stage four cancer survivor myself allows me to be a source of comfort and strength on the path to healing. I am here to provide a trusted environment that acknowledges and addresses your unique needs when facing a cancer diagnosis. You can read more about Cancer and Autism by clicking here . About Me: I bring a unique blend of professional expertise, passion and personal experience to my practice. I am a proud mother of two sensationally strong willed teenagers. I am also a former software engineer turned therapist. My journey took a fascinating turn from the world of coding to the intricate landscapes of the human mind. I earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in Communications and forged a successful IT career starting at Apple Computers. My love of learning led me into engineering and product management. I became the first female self-taught software engineer at Alcatel TeleCommunications. My team dubbed me the engineer whisperer. I was the essential communication bridge between our neurodiverse engineering team and our neurotypical sales and marketing team. I eventually learned that my heart yearned for something more – a meaningful connection with people and the opportunity to contribute to their lives in a significant way. Driven by my desire to help others, I embarked on a transformative path towards becoming a therapist and returned to school. I received my Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy and Art Therapy from Notre Dame de Namur University. While in school, I cultivated my passion for mental health and overall well-being. How I Work: My therapeutic neuro-informed approach covers a broad range of modalities. I tailor each session to meet the unique needs of each couple. My work is rooted in a client-centered, humanistic approach emphasizing compassion, building understanding, inclusive communication, empowerment with respect and dignity. In our sessions, we'll work on enhancing your relationship through mindfulness and effective communication. Let's navigate the challenges together so you can build a stronger, more connected partnership. Other areas of focus (in addition to Neurodiversity): Adolescent Counseling Art Therapy Caregiver Support Co-Parenting Couples Counseling Cancer Support Divorce Recovery Infertility Individual Counseling Life Transitions Neurodiversity New Parents Parent Coaching Teen Counseling Clients Couples Individuals Families License & Certifications Registered Associate, MFTA #324701 Board Certified Art Therapist (ATR-BC) Neurodiversity Specialist Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc . Specialty Areas: Cassandra Syndrome Support, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Cancer & Autism, Teens, Neurodiverse Couples, Communication, Not Accepting New Clients Colleen Kahn Take an Autism Test

Monotropism theory suggests that autistic individuals possess a focused attention system and may have specific interests, thoughts, or activities that consume their attention. Our therapists do not see monotropism as a deficit and are here to offer a supportive environment where your individuality is honored. MONOTROPISM < Back IS MONOTROPISM A THEORY? Yes. Coined by autistic scholars Dinah Murray and Wenn Lawson, Monotropism Theory challenges traditional views of autism by reframing autistic behaviors as adaptive responses and assets rather than deficits. Unlike traditional views that pathologize autism as a disorder, monotropism theory suggests that autistic individuals possess a focused attention system, giving them the ability to concentrate intensely on a limited number of interests, thoughts, or activities at any given time. KEY FEATURES OF MONOTROPISM THEORY Recognition of Strengths: Monotropism highlights the strengths associated with intense focus and specialized knowledge in autistic individuals. Rather than viewing their focused interests as restrictive or problematic, monotropism acknowledges these as valuable assets that can be… Show More

When Debates Turn Brutal 💣 Watching the recent political debate between Trump and Kamala felt like witnessing a car crash in slow motion—painful, chaotic, and impossible to look away from. This wasn’t just a discussion; it was a win-lose collision of words, leaving a trail of wreckage behind. Does this sadly remind you of your attempts to talk? 💔 Do conversations turn into a brutal back-and-forth where nobody truly listens? 🎤 Or have you stopped trying to talk altogether, certain that any attempt to connect will end in the same debate battle? 🥀 And how do you feel about yourself after being in debate mode? 😔 I’m guessing, not very good! The Path to Connection: Shifting from Debate 🛠️ Breaking out of this destructive cycle starts with a fundamental shift in how we approach each other. Awareness of Debate Mode The first step is recognizing when you’re slipping into debate mode. Notice when you start feeling defensive or when the conversation shifts to proving who’s right. Awareness is the key to stopping the cycle before it spirals out of control. Manage Meltdowns or Shutdowns Understand that an autistic partner may experience meltdowns or shutdowns during intense discussions. In these moments, it's crucial to recognize that pushing through isn't an option. Instead, agree to pause or stop the conversation entirely and reschedule it for a time when both partners are in a calmer state of mind. Address Flooding and Cassandra Syndrome The allistic partner may experience emotional flooding, especially if they feel unseen or unheard over time, a condition often referred to as Cassandra Syndrome . Acknowledge this overwhelming feeling and provide opportunities to step back and process emotions before continuing the conversation. Express Vulnerability Instead of launching into defense mode, share how you feel. Saying, " I feel overwhelmed, " opens the door to understanding much more than, "You never help." Seek to Understand Focus on understanding rather than winning. Ask questions like, "Can you help me understand where you’re coming from? " This reframes the conversation from a battle to a shared journey. Reframe the Debate Ask, "How can we support each other through this?" Instead of focusing on who's right or wrong, the goal becomes finding what both need. Go Deep Often, surface-level arguments are driven by deeper wounds and insecurities. Reflect on what's really hurting beneath the debate. Is it a fear of rejection, feeling inadequate, or something else? Exploring these deeper wounds can reveal what's truly fueling the conflict and open the door for deeper healing. . How Our Neuro-Informed Specialists Can Help 🧑⚕️ At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , we understand how easy it is to get trapped in a cycle of destructive debates. Breaking free from this cycle can feel nearly impossible, especially when both partners are feeling hurt and misunderstood. That’s where our neuro-informed specialists come in. In our sessions: we do not allow couples to fall back into debating mode. we actively reshape how you communicate in real-time. we give you concrete new ways to to interact we provide the "hand-holding" needed to break old patterns. Ready to Break the Cycle? 🌱 You can't change what you see in those TV debates, but you CAN change how things play out in your own relationship. If you’re ready to stop the endless cycle of debates in your relationship, reach out today. Our specialists are here to help you find a path forward, together. Warmly, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Quick Tip: Sensory Check-In 🧠 Quick Tip: Sensory Check-In 🧠 In neurodiverse relationships, sensory overload can be a hidden trigger for debates. Before diving into a heavy conversation, do a quick sensory check-in with your partner. Ask questions like, "Are the lights too bright?" or "Is there too much noise?" Sometimes, the environment is adding stress to the situation. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

OCD vs Autism Is it OCD or autism? On the surface, they can look the same. Repeating routines. Fixating on details. Needing things a certain way. But the “why” behind those behaviors is totally different. With OCD, the ritual is about shutting down scary, intrusive thoughts. With autism, the ritual is about creating comfort, predictability, and balance. Miss that difference, and the relationship takes a hit. Because what looks like “helping” can actually backfire. When partners accommodate OCD compulsions, symptoms often get worse. But when partners support autistic routines, it often lowers stress and builds connection. See the difference? One needs gentle challenge. The other needs respectful support. That’s why it’s so important to sort out what’s what. Studies show OCD shows up in autistic people anywhere from 10% to over 30%, depending on how you measure it. So don’t assume—it’s more common than you think. Here are your next steps: Read our full article about how OCD and autism intersect. Screen for OCD traits with the OCI-R (Obsessional Compulsive Inventory—Revised) . And if you’re wondering about autism itself, check out our Autism & Related Screeners . Bring your results into therapy, and we’ll untangle what’s OCD, what’s autism, and how to handle both without getting stuck in the cycle. Less confusion. More clarity. Better connection. [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Malori Evans Specialties Neurodiverse Couples OCD and Autism LGBTQIA+ Addiction Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Sex/Physical Intimacy Emotional Intimacy ADHD, Autism Trauma-Informed Internal Family Systems Life Experience Living with autism and ADHD, raising two kids, and married to a neurodiverse partner — I understand firsthand the beauty and challenges that come with neurodiverse relationships. As a queer woman in recovery, I bring compassion and authenticity to my work, creating a safe space for clients to explore their own stories of healing and connection. I combine evidence-based approaches with lived experience, helping couples and families turn differences into deeper understanding, resilience, and love. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT # 153124, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Malori Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References Aymerich, C. (2024). Prevalence and Correlates of the Concurrence of Autism and Other Disorders. PMC. Retrieved from https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11048346/ Dell’Osso, L. (2025). Autism spectrum disorder, social anxiety and obsessive-compulsive symptoms: Prevalence in children. BMC Psychiatry. BioMed Central Lamothe, H. (2022). Clinical characteristics of adults suffering from high-functioning ASD with OCD. Journal of Affective Disorders. ScienceDirect Meta-analysis: prevalence of OCD in ASD youth: 11.6% (CI 6.9%–18.8%). PubMed Conditions comorbid to autism – OCD comorbidity up to ~30%. Wikipedia. Wikipedia Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

When Criticism Feels Crushing: Understanding Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria Does a small comment leave you reeling? Do you worry you've upset someone—even when they say everything’s fine? Do you pull away from people before they can push you away? You might be experiencing Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) —an intense, fast, and often invisible emotional response to real or perceived rejection. You're not too sensitive. You're not imagining things. Your brain is doing exactly what it was wired to do—and you deserve support that honors that reality. Start Here: Take the RSD-24 Self-Assessment The RSD-24 is a fast, research-informed screener designed for adults who want to understand how rejection sensitivity shows up in their lives. It goes beyond a single score. You’ll get a personal breakdown across four key dimensions: Anticipatory Anxiety – Do you brace for rejection before anything even happens? Criticism Distress – How deeply do critiques or corrections affect you? Emotional Regulation – How long does it take you to recover from rejection? Social Withdrawal – Do you avoid situations where rejection might occur? Knowing which areas are most reactive can help you (and your therapist) tailor your growth and healing. ➤ Takes about 5–7 minutes ➤ Insightful, strengths-based results ➤ Designed with neurodiverse adults in mind Take the RSD-24 Now What Is Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria? Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) is not a mental health diagnosis—it’s a lived experience. Often seen in individuals with ADHD or autism, RSD involves: Deep emotional pain in response to perceived rejection Intense shame, anger, or shutdown after criticism A tendency to overthink, withdraw, or lash out—even with people you love It’s not about weakness. It’s about how your nervous system interprets social threat. And once you understand it, you can learn how to respond differently. How RSD Affects Neurodiverse Couples In a relationship, RSD can be a silent disruptor. When one partner has RSD, even neutral comments can feel loaded. A sigh sounds like disappointment. A pause feels like rejection. A suggestion hits like an accusation. And when both partners are neurodivergent, these misfires can multiply. You both end up hurt, confused, and further apart—without ever intending it. That’s the painful loop. But it’s not permanent. What We Can Work on Together At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , our team of neuro-informed therapists works with individuals and couples navigating the emotional impact of RSD. Together, we can help you: Understand your RSD profile and where it's most active Practice self-regulation tools that actually fit your nervous system Learn how to give and receive feedback safely Rebuild safety, trust, and connection—without walking on eggshells Whether you’re the one living with RSD or the partner trying to understand it, you don’t have to go through it alone. Ready to Learn More About Yourself? It starts with one small, self-compassionate step. ➤ Take the RSD-24 Assessment ➤ Book a Consultation with a Neuro-Informed Specialist You're not too much. You're not broken. You're just wired differently—and we get it. Ready to Get Started? Click Here! Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

< Back Quick Guide - HSP for Couples Tip: Want more resources? 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation. KEY FACTS HSP isn’t a disorder—it’s a trait that develops when the nervous system processes sensory and emotional input more deeply (called Sensory Processing Sensitivity ). This deeper wiring affects how someone experiences connection, conflict, and everyday life in relationships. HSPs commonly share four traits that strongly influence relationships: depth of processing, sensitivity to subtleties, emotional intensity, and a tendency toward overstimulation in high-stress environments. In relationships, these traits can lead to both strengths (empathy, intuition, attunement) and challenges (emotional flooding, conflict avoidance, sensory overwhelm). Misunderstandings often arise when partners interpret sensitivity as withdrawal, overreaction, or disinterest. When couples understand HSP wiring, they can develop strategies to help slow conflict, improve communication, and create environments that feel safer and more supportive for both partners. Consulting an expert or completing a structured sensitivity assessment can clarify whether HSP traits are contributing to communication patterns, conflict, or overwhelm—helping couples gain insight and learn tailored strategies for connection and regulation. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQS) What does it mean to be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? Answer: It’s not a disorder, but a naturally occurring temperamental trait rooted in a nervous system that processes sensory and emotional input more deeply—often referred to as Sensory Processing Sensitivity. This deeper wiring shapes how partners experience communication, conflict, and connection in meaningful ways. Why do HSPs react more strongly during conflict? Answer: Because HSPs feel emotions intensely and pick up on subtle cues, disagreements can trigger emotional flooding more quickly. This can look like withdrawal, overwhelm, or shutting down —not avoidance, but a nervous system protecting itself. Supportive communication can help both partners navigate conflict more calmly. How does HSP show up differently in neurodiverse relationships? Answer: In mixed-neurotype couples, an HSP partner may respond to emotional nuance, tone shifts, or subtle expressions that a neurodivergent partner might not automatically notice. Therapy helps couples build shared emotional communication strategies that honor both direct and intuitive communication styles. What strengths can HSP traits bring to a relationship? Answer: HSPs often bring empathy, intuition, and strong attunement to their partner’s needs. These qualities can create deeper connection and emotional responsiveness, supported by research on heightened social-emotional processing in sensitive individuals. How can therapy or assessment help? Answer: Working with a clinician familiar with HSP traits can help partners pinpoint whether sensitivity, overwhelm, or sensory triggers are driving misunderstandings. Tools like structured sensitivity assessments support accurate identification of sensory-emotional patterns , allowing couples to develop tailored strategies that strengthen communication and regulation. Last reviewed: Dec 15, 2025 • Authors: Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT (Clinical Director) and Jasmyne Mena (Director of Clinical Research & Scientific Communications, Senior Medical Writer, Neurodiversity) REFERENCES Acevedo, B. P., Aron, E. N., Aron, A., Sangster, M. D., Collins, N., & Brown, L. L. (2014). The highly sensitive brain: an fMRI study of sensory processing sensitivity and response to others' emotions. Brain and behavior, 4(4), 580–594. https://doi.org/10.1002/brb3.242 Acevedo, B. P., Aron, E. N., Aron, A., Cooper, T., & Marhenke, R. (2023). Sensory processing sensitivity and its relation to sensation seeking. Current Research in Behavioral Sciences, 4, Article 100100. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.crbeha.2023.100100 Bröhl, A. S., Van Leeuwen, K., Pluess, M., De Fruyt, F., Van Hoof, E., Weyn, S., & Bijttebier, P. (2022). Personality profile of the self-identified highly sensitive person: A lay theory approach. Journal of Individual Differences , 43 (2), 95–104. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1027/1614-0001/a000363 Golonka, K., & Gulla, B. (2021). Individual Differences and Susceptibility to Burnout Syndrome: Sensory Processing Sensitivity and Its Relation to Exhaustion and Disengagement. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, Article 751350. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.751350 Liu, J., & Fukushima, H. (2025). Beyond emotional distress: Exploring the positive link between highly sensitive person trait and aesthetic sensitivity. Personality and Individual Differences, 245, Article 113285. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2025.113285 McDowell, C. N., Bryant, M. E., & Parker, M. L. (2023). Decoding Neurodiverse Couples Therapy: A Solution-Focused Approach. Sexuality & Disability, 41(2), 255–273. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1007/s11195-022-09765-9 Meredith, P. J., Bailey, K. J., Strong, J., & Rappel, G. (2016). Adult Attachment, Sensory Processing, and Distress in Healthy Adults. The American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 70(1), Article 7001250010. https://doi.org/10.5014/ajot.2016.017376 Morellini, L., Izzo, A., Celeghin, A., Palermo, S., & Morese, R. (2023). Sensory processing sensitivity and social pain: a hypothesis and theory. Frontiers in human neuroscience, 17, 1135440. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2023.1135440 WHY CHOOSE US? DEPTH OF TEAM — 30+ neuro-informed therapists and coaches. 16,000+ sessions each year. The world’s largest practice dedicated to neurodiverse couples and individuals—so you benefit from deep, proven experience. WE ARE NEURODIVERSE: More than 90% of our clinicians are neurodiverse themselves, bringing a firsthand understanding of autism, ADHD, and related experiences. This lived perspective, combined with professional training, allows us to provide both expertise and genuine compassion to help you thrive. OUR MODEL: We use a neurodiverse counseling model —practical, skills- based, and tailored to each couple. We don’t pathologize difference; we name neurodiverse traits as natural human variations in communication style, sensory needs, social energy, and executive functioning. Together, we map those patterns so both partners can see what’s really happening (not what they’re blaming each other for). From there, we translate insight into action: shared language for signals and needs, simple agreements for sensory fit, clear routines for planning and follow-through, and repair tools that reduce defensiveness. The goal isn’t to make anyone “more normal.” It’s to help you work with your differences—so empathy grows, teamwork strengthens, and your bond gets measurably closer. STRENGTH-BASED: Our neurodiverse counseling model is strengths-based and neuro-affirming because that’s what works—well-supported in couples therapy and even more effective with neurodiverse couples. Instead of fixing “deficits,” we identify and deploy real assets—precision, honesty, loyalty, pattern recognition, creativity, deep focus—so they actively solve problems. This lowers shame, builds safety fast, and turns differences into shared tools: clearer signals and agreements, sensory fit instead of overload, and routines that reduce friction. The payoff is practical—fewer blowups, better follow-through, and a bond that strengthens because you’re using what you already do well, together. OUR TEAM: Our experts are deeply compassionate and dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples thrive. Three things set our team apart: Ongoing Specialized Training – All team members receive weekly training on neurodiversity-focused content, ensuring our approaches stay current and effective. Collaborative Case Support – We hold weekly supervision sessions, including case consultations, so that no couple’s challenges are handled in isolation—your therapist has a full team behind them. Continuous Professional Growth – Every therapist pursues ongoing continuing education in neurodiverse relationships, keeping us at the forefront of best practices. ASSESSMENTS: In addition to providing therapy, many of our clinicians are specially trained in conducting in-depth adult autism and ADHD assessments . If you’re seeking greater clarity or considering an in-depth evaluation, our team can guide you through the process with professionalism and care. INSURANCE — We are insurance-friendly. As an out-of-network provider, we will send you a Superbill for therapy services that you can submit to your insurance company for potential reimbursement. Please know that we do NOT bill insurance directly or participate as an in-network provider. For more information, please visit the "Insurance/Fee" section on our FAQ page. DIAGNOSIS OPTIONAL — You don’t need a diagnosis to get help with us. We can start with what’s happening now—communication loops, sensory needs, executive-function friction, meltdowns/shutdowns—and turn those patterns into clear agreements, better repairs, and real relief. If you’re in California and want a formal autism or ADHD evaluation , our licensed clinicians can provide it—but it’s not required to benefit. Either way, the goal is the same: less blame, more understanding, a stronger bond, and real individual healing. NOT A CRISIS SERVICE — We’re not a crisis service. If you’re ever in immediate danger, call 911. For urgent mental health support, call or text 988 or go to https://988lifeline.org Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is part of New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. WHO WE HELP We support neurodiverse couples and individuals nationwide through online therapy or coaching. Some common issues we help clients tackle include: Autism/ADHD differences Cassandra Syndrome Support Alexithymia Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Highly Sensitive People Parenting and co-parenting challenges Intimacy (both physical and emotional) Autism and ADHD assessments and self-screeners Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Recurring discussions about “tone,” initiative, alexithymia , or intimacy Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Discernment Counseling LEARN MORE 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation.

We are always looking for therapists passionate about working closely with the neurodiverse community. We would love to meet you! CAREERS FOR THERAPISTS < Back POSITIONS OPEN: Click the link below to apply on Indeed.com: Associate Marriage & Family Therapist for Neurodiverse (Autistic + Allistic) Couples Associate Marriage & Family Therapist - Sex Addiction and Support of Betrayed Partners At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center (NCCC), we train the next generation of world-class therapists specializing in neurodiversity. Find Your Career Path Are you intrigued by the idea of counseling couples, particularly neurodiverse couples, but feel unsure where to begin? Do you want to build your skills and gain hands-on experience in a supportive environment that values the unique challenges and strengths of neurodiverse relationships? Working with neurodiverse couples can be a deeply fulfilling way to help partners… Show More

It's hard to watch your child throw a fit. It can make you feel helpless. And leave you wondering what's really happening. Your child isn’t being bad. They’re overwhelmed. With a hijacked nervous system. This has a name. It ’s called PDA. This is P athological D emand A voidance. Another (better) name is P ersistent D rive for A utonomy. Here ’s the formula: Anxiety + Loss of Control = Avoidance. This is often confused for oppositional personality . But it is very different. Rather than trying to oppose something external, It’s a stress response to something inside. It’s a body trying to protect itself. Here’s what that looks like: Some kids don’t just resist. They panic. The ask feels like a trap, not a task. Their body goes into fight, flight, or freeze. They want to comply—but can’t. You say, “Put on your shoes.” They scream. They cry. They run. They collapse. It's not defiance. Not manipulation. Not a discipline problem. It ’s a nervous system in lockdown. The demand flips the switch. Even when they want to say yes. Adults do it too . They smile. They joke. They stall. They vanish. They say, “I’ll do it later.” Then avoid for days. Inside? Panic and pressure. A body trying to escape. They want to help. They want to connect. But the pressure flips a switch. Self-control becomes oxygen. Demands feel like suffocation. That’s why rewards don’t work. Consequences don’t either. They increase panic. They fuel power struggles. What works for kids? Options. Play . Low-pressure tone. Lots of choice. Say, “Want to race to the car?” Say, “What’s your plan for teeth?” Invite, don’t insist. Partner, don’t push. Same goes for couples. One partner asks. The other shuts down. Again. Not because they don’t care— but because the ask triggers panic. It lands as control, not connection. “I need you” can feel like “You must.” That’s why the "how" matters. Start with emotional safety. Use a low-stakes tone. Offer options, not ultimatums. Say, “Would now or later work better?” Say, “How can I support you on this?” Agree on code words. Pause when panic shows up. Make room for repair— not reaction. When couples shift the way they ask, they shift the entire dynamic. Wondering If This Fits You? PDA in adults can be hard to see from the inside. It often gets mislabeled as depression, avoidance, ADHD, even personality flaws. But there’s a screener built just for this. 👉 Take the Extreme Demand Avoidance Questionnaire for Adults (EDA-QA) It’s free, quick, and gives real insight into whether this profile might be part of your story. If the results hit home, you can talk to our PDA guru, Rachel Wheeler. With Rachel, there’s no shame. Just tools. Just safety. Just support that actually works. If meltdowns are daily… If shutdowns keep happening… If “lazy” doesn’t sit right… It’s not defiance. It ’s P ersistent D rive for A utonomy (PDA)! Reach out today and request Rachel. Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Rachel Wheeler Specialties PDA AuDHD, ADHD, Autism, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Neurodiverse Couples, Life Experience Parents a highly sensitive, neurodivergent child while unmasking her own PDA and AuDHD identity. She brings real-world empathy to families navigating both self-discovery and support. Navigates a neurodiverse marriage built on friendship, transformed by diagnosis and mutual understanding. Sixteen years in, Rachel and her partner have reshaped their relationship through clarity, accommodation, and compassion. Lived the cost of camouflaging—now helps others unlearn it safely. Rachel guides clients toward authenticity without sacrificing safety or identity. Grounds her therapy work in lived neurodivergence, not just education.Her insight comes from walking the same path as the people she supports. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #126649, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Rebecca Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

By Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center You take your car in for an oil change every 5,000 miles. You see the dentist twice a year. You go for your annual physical to check your cholesterol and blood pressure. We do maintenance on everything that matters to us. We catch problems before they become disasters. Everything, that is , except the most complex thing in our lives: our relationship. In my practice at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , I see thousands of couples—usually one Autistic or ADHD partner and one Neurotypical partner—who are deeply in love but critically exhausted. They usually arrive at our door only after a breakdown. They have tried standard marriage counseling. They have tried "date nights." They have tried "listening more." But the conflict remains. Why? Because they are trying to run Windows software on a Mac operating system without an emulator. They don't need to try harder; they need a better map of their wiring. The Myth of "Meeting in the Middle" Standard relationship advice suggests that if you compromise, you will find peace. In a neurodiverse relationship, "meeting in the middle" often results in Mutual Masking . The Autistic/ADHD partner suppresses their sensory needs and stims to appear "attentive," leading to burnout. The Neurotypical partner suppresses their need for emotional reciprocity to avoid triggering a meltdown, leading to loneliness (often called the "Cassandra Syndrome"). This isn't a lack of love. It is a classic example of the Double Empathy Problem (Milton, 2012). Research shows that while autistic people communicate effectively with other autistic people, and neurotypicals with neurotypicals, the breakdown occurs between the two neurotypes. It is a translation error, not a character flaw. Introducing the Neurodiverse Relationship Check-Up To help couples stop guessing and start understanding, we developed the Neurodiverse Relationship Check-Up . This isn't a "Cosmopolitan Magazine" quiz. It is a clinical tool designed to map the specific friction points between two different nervous systems. It analyzes your relationship across three critical layers: Core Dynamics, Communication Style, and Sensory Profiles . Here is what we are looking for when you take the check-up: Layer 1: The Core Dynamic (Your Archetype) Based on our scoring logic, most couples fall into one of three "Survival Loops," or hopefully, the fourth "Secure" state. Type A: The Logic vs. Emotion Loop (The Cassandra Dynamic) The Pattern: One partner (often Neurotypical) pursues connection and emotional validation. The other partner (often Autistic/ADHD) retreats into facts, logic, and problem-solving to feel safe. The Internal Experience: Partner A: "I am lonely. I am screaming in a glass box. My feelings are treated as math problems." Partner B: "I am overwhelmed. I am trying to fix the problem to make them happy, but I am constantly told I am doing it wrong." The Science: This dynamic is fueled by Alexithymia (difficulty identifying feelings) and different processing speeds. The "Logic" partner needs time to process emotion; the "Emotion" partner needs immediate responsiveness to feel safe. Type B: Parallel Lives (Sensory Survival Mode) The Pattern: You have stopped fighting. In fact, you barely interact. You have become roommates who manage the logistics of a household but share no intimacy. The Internal Experience: You have learned that "Space = Safety." To avoid sensory overload or conflict, you drift apart. The Risk: This creates a stable but "dead" relationship. It is often a coping mechanism for Sensory Overload . One partner retreats to a cave (video games, hobbies) to regulate, leaving the other feeling abandoned. Type C: The High-Intensity Cycle The Pattern: Common in ADHD-ADHD or ADHD-Autistic pairings. The relationship is a rollercoaster of dopamine-fueled passion and chaotic, impulsive conflict. The Internal Experience: "We can't live with each other, and we can't live without each other." Executive function challenges lead to a chaotic home environment, where one person often gets stuck as the "Project Manager," breeding resentment. Type D: Bridging Differences (The Neuro-Secure Partnership) The Goal: This is what a healthy neurodiverse relationship looks like. The Shift: You have stopped trying to "fix" each other's brains. You practice Translation over Transformation . Curiosity First: "Are you regulated?" replaces "Why are you yelling?" Explicit Clarity: You say exactly what you mean, removing the anxiety of guesswork. Layer 2: Communication Style The check-up also acts as a mirror for how you miss each other. Mutual Masking is a major red flag we look for. This happens when both partners are walking on eggshells. Research by Lai et al. (2017) shows that "camouflaging" or masking leads to higher rates of anxiety and depression. If your relationship requires you to hide your autistic traits or your emotional needs to survive dinner, the relationship health score will drop. We also look for Silent Scripts . This occurs when you assume you know what your partner is thinking ("They are being quiet because they are mad at me"), rather than checking the facts ("They are quiet because they are socially tapped out"). Layer 3: The Sensory Profile This is the most overlooked aspect of couples therapy. We cannot talk about emotion without talking about biology. The Check-Up analyzes your Sensory Compatibility : Sound: Does one partner need music to focus while the other needs silence? Touch Saturation: By 8:00 PM, an Autistic partner may be "touched out" (tactile defensiveness). If the Neurotypical partner tries to hug them, they flinch. This is often interpreted as rejection, but it is actually sensory regulation . Co-Regulation: How do you calm down? One may need to pace and stim; the other may need to verbalize and process. Why Take the Check-Up? You cannot fix a dynamic you cannot name. The Neurodiverse Relationship Check-Up takes about 5 minutes. It provides you with a Relationship Health Score (0-100%) and a detailed breakdown of your Archetype. 0-40%: Needs Attention (Maladaptive patterns are dominant). 41-75%: Moderate Strain (You have tools, but are frequently triggered). 76-100%: Thriving (You are bridging differences successfully). This is not a diagnostic tool for Autism or ADHD. It is a diagnostic tool for the relationship itself . It is a starting point for a new kind of conversation—one based on neurology, not blame. [Take the Neurodiverse Relationship Check-Up Here] Stop guessing. Get the map. Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References & Further Reading Baron-Cohen, S., et al. (2001). The "Reading the Mind in the Eyes" Test revised version: a study with normal adults, and adults with Asperger syndrome or high-functioning autism. Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry . Crompton, C. J., et al. (2020). Neurotype-Matching, but Not Being Autistic, Influences Self and Observer Ratings of Interpersonal Rapport. Frontiers in Psychology . Lai, M. C., et al. (2017). Quantifying and exploring camouflaging in men and women with autism. Autism . Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: the ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society . Mitchell, A., et al. (2021). Overcoming the Double Empathy Problem Within Pairs of Autistic and Non-autistic Adults Through the Contemplation of Serious Literature. Frontiers in Psychology . Stuss, D. T., & Alexander, M. P. (2000). Executive functions and the frontal lobes: a conceptual view. Psychological Research . Important Note: This check-up was developed internally by the clinical team at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center based on our work with thousands of couples. While grounded in current research, this tool has not been statistically normed or validated as a psychometric instrument. Please treat the results as a "mirror" to spark conversation and insight, not as a standardized medical diagnosis. If you are seeking a formal evaluation, our clinical team can administer standardized, validated assessments upon request.* Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

"How can I share my thoughts with my partner without him feeling rejected?" This exploration gains depth as we uncover the layers of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and its intricate dance with ADHD and Autism. RSD isn't just about sensitivity to rejection; it's an overwhelming emotional tsunami triggered by even the slightest perception of being rejected or criticized. For individuals with ADHD or Autism, their neurodiversity can amplify these feelings, making RSD more intense due to the unique ways their brains process emotions and social cues. This heightened response can make every interaction feel fraught with potential for rejection. So, how do we build bridges over these turbulent waters? Neurodiverse Couples Counseling lights the path with strategies tailored to understanding and mitigating the impact of RSD: 1. Normalizing the Fear of Rejection: 🚫 Recognizing that fear of rejection is a universal experience helps in validating these feelings. This step is crucial in creating a supportive environment where vulnerabilities can be shared openly. 2. Relational Reality Testing: 🕵️♂️ By examining our reactions and questioning their alignment with reality, we challenge the narrative of rejection. The partner struggling with RSD first does this alone and then as a couple. This method fosters empathy and deeper connection by encouraging partners to see through each other's lenses. 3. Embracing Needs Over Criticism: 👎 In relationships touched by RSD, transforming criticism into expressions of needs is a pivotal step towards nurturing understanding and support. Instead of pointing out shortcomings, focus on sharing what you need to feel cherished and secure, such as affirming words or dedicated time together. This shift not only fosters a protective environment for both partners but also encourages empathy and growth, ensuring that the journey through RSD is one of mutual respect and deeper connection. 4. Structured Communication to Counter Withdrawal: 🏗️ RSD can often lead to withdrawal as a defense mechanism. In therapy, we will introduce a structured process to help bring the couple back together and communicate. This will not only minimize misunderstandings, but also gently address the tendency to withdraw. The structured process usually includes setting aside dedicated times for heartfelt discussions, adopting "I feel" statements for expressing emotions, identifying differences in each person's narratives, and practicing active listening. These efforts pave a safer path for both partners to stay engaged and connected. 5. Mindfulness and Self-Regulation: ☯️ Engaging in mindfulness practices and learning self-regulation techniques can significantly diminish the intensity of RSD reactions. For example, a couple could try deep breathing exercises together. But there's an important caveat; we would practice this first in a therapy session because the exercise itself could trigger rejection if a partner feels he or she is not doing it right. With our guidance, these practices encourage a more measured response to emotional triggers, facilitating a calmer, more reasoned approach to perceived slights or criticisms. 6. Creating a Commitment Ritual: 🕯️ Consider creating a commitment ritual that resonates deeply with both of you, serving as a powerful reminder of your journey together. This could involve looking at your wedding pictures together or repeating your wedding vows to each other, reaffirming the promises and commitments you made. You could also review a list of what each partner loves about the other. This ritual becomes a sacred space of reconnection where the partner dealing with RSD can find reassurance in the enduring commitment and love that binds you together. By delving into these strategies, we're not just addressing RSD; we're crafting a relationship that flourishes on mutual understanding, deep trust, and unconditional support. Click Here To Match With An Expert With heartfelt support, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Relationships can feel like they’re simmering beneath the surface, and then suddenly—boom! An eruption. Have you ever felt that way in your relationship? Where things seem fine one moment, and the next, you’re dealing with a volcanic blast of misunderstandings, frustration, or disconnect? Maybe you've noticed these eruptions happen in patterns that don’t fit the usual ups and downs of relationships. You might suspect that these differences are linked to neurodiversity—whether it’s autism, ADHD, or another neurological variation. If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Many couples find themselves asking: "Is neurodiversity the lava flowing under the surface of our relationship?" Let's break it down, step by step. 💥 Suspecting Neurodiversity: What Are the Signs? Step 1: The first step is recognizing the patterns . Maybe you’ve noticed that your partner struggles with social cues, has intense focus on certain interests, or reacts strongly to sensory input. Or perhaps communication feels like you’re speaking two different languages. These could be signs that neurodiversity is influencing your relationship. But what do you do with these suspicions? Do you jump to conclusions or start by addressing the symptoms? 🔍 Addressing the Symptoms: A Practical Starting Point Step 2: Before diving headfirst into whether neurodiversity is at play, it’s helpful to start by addressing the symptoms that are causing friction. This might include: Communication Breakdown: Are there recurring misunderstandings or a feeling that you’re not on the same page? Emotional Disconnect: Does one partner seem distant or overly focused on specific tasks or interests? Or does one partner seem over-emotional and/or scattered? Routine Disruptions: Are small changes in routine causing significant stress or anxiety? By focusing on these or other symptoms, you may start to improve the day-to-day interactions in your relationship without immediately jumping to labels. But it’s important to acknowledge that these efforts might not always be enough. Sometimes, despite your best efforts, the challenges persist, and it becomes clear that more understanding and support are needed. 💬 Bringing Neurodiversity into the Conversation Step 3: Once you’ve started addressing the symptoms, the next step might be discussing whether neurodiversity could be a factor . This is where things can get tricky, especially if one partner feels uncertain or resistant. Neurodiversity—whether it’s autism, ADHD, or another condition—can deeply impact how a person interacts with the world. It’s important to approach this conversation with care, emphasizing that understanding these differences isn’t about labeling but about creating a more harmonious relationship. 💥 Resistance from the Neurodiverse Partner: Handling It with Care Step 4: It’s not uncommon for the neurodiverse partner to feel resistance when the topic of neurodiversity comes up. They might worry about being labeled or fear the stigma that can come with a diagnosis. This resistance is natural and deserves to be approached with empathy . So you have two options: A. Reframe as New Understanding : If your partner is resistant, consider focusing on the benefits of understanding their unique way of experiencing the world. It’s not about attaching a label; it’s about gaining tools and insights that can make your relationship stronger and more connected. B. Don’t Raise Neurodiversity Issue : Another approach is to seek therapy with one of our neurodiverse couples counselors without initiall y raising the issue of neurodiversity. Our clinicians are skilled in discussing symptoms and behaviors in a way that minimizes blame and shame, helping both partners feel supported and understood. 🎯 Seeking Help: Why a Neurodiverse Couples Counselor Makes a Difference Step 5: When the time feels right, seeking help from a neurodiverse couples counselor can be a game-changer. Our specialists are deeply trained in understanding how neurodiversity impacts relationships and can offer tailored strategies to improve your connection. Here’s how we help: Normalizing the Struggle: We help both partners understand that the challenges they’re facing are normal and can be worked through without shame. Reducing Labeling Anxiety: We address concerns about labels, helping the neurodiverse partner feel more comfortable with the process. Practical Interventions: We focus on actionable steps to improve communication, reduce misunderstandings, and create a more supportive environment for both partners. 💡 Taking the Next Step: Screeners and Assessments Step 6: If, after working with one of our counselors, you both feel ready to explore whether neurodiversity is a factor, we offer autism and ADHD screeners that can provide initial insights. These screeners are a simple way to explore whether one or both partners are neurodiverse. Autism and ADHD screeners can be accessed here . For those who genuinely want a more in-depth understanding, we also offer comprehensive assessments . These assessments go beyond surface-level symptoms and provide a detailed picture of how neurodiversity might be influencing your relationship. 💥 Working on Couples Issues: Embracing Neurodiversity for a Stronger Relationship Step 7: Understanding and embracing neurodiversity in your relationship can be a transformative experience. It’s not just about identifying whether one partner is neurodiverse—it’s about how that neurodiversity shapes the way you interact, communicate, and connect as a couple. In neurodiverse couples therapy or coaching , here’s how we approach working on couples issues with a strong neurodiversity focus: Tailoring Communication: Neurodiverse individuals often have unique communication styles. We help both partners learn to recognize these differences and adapt their communication methods to foster clearer, more effective interactions. This might involve learning to be more explicit in expressing needs or understanding non-verbal cues differently. Building Emotional Resilience: Emotional connection can be challenging when one partner experiences the world through a neurodiverse lens. We work on building emotional resilience by helping the neurotypical partner understand the neurodiverse partner's emotional processing and by teaching the neurodiverse partner strategies to express their emotions in ways that their partner can understand and respond to. Navigating Sensory Sensitivities: Sensory issues can play a significant role in neurodiverse relationships. We develop strategies to accommodate and respect these sensitivities, whether it’s creating a sensory-friendly home environment or finding ways to manage sensory overload in social situations. Managing Expectations and Routines: Neurodiverse individuals often thrive on routine and predictability. We help couples navigate the balance between maintaining necessary routines and being flexible enough to adapt to life’s unpredictabilities. This can reduce stress and help both partners feel more secure in the relationship. Addressing Disappointment When the Fit Isn’t Right: Sometimes, couples come in believing that one partner is neurodiverse, only to discover that the traits they thought were due to autism or ADHD don’t quite fit. This realization can be disappointing, especially if one partner felt they had finally found an explanation for their struggles. We approach this with kindness and understanding, helping the couple refocus on the issues at hand, whether they’re related to neurodiversity or not. It’s about finding the right tools and strategies to improve the relationship, no matter the diagnosis. 💡 Moving Forward with Clarity and Compassion Please try to remember that every relationship has its unique challenges, and understanding whether neurodiversity is at play can be a powerful step toward a stronger, more connected marriage. It’s not about finding faults; it’s about understanding each other in a way that opens doors to empathy, love, and lasting partnership. Our team at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is here to guide you every step of the way. Warmly, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Some of the most damaging lies are the self-critical stories you tell yourself. “I’ll never read people right.” “I can’t handle change.” “I’m too awkward to make friends.” “I always mess up conversations.” These lines feel true because you’ve rehearsed them for years.They’re familiar, not factual. Autistic communication differences get misread in a world built for sameness. That mismatch can turn into shame if you let it. Fortunately, research has given us new ways to reconsider our perceptions: The Liking Gap means people usually like you more than you think after a conversation. The Beautiful Mess Effect means others see your openness as courage, even when you feel exposed or clumsy. The Spotlight Effect means people notice your slip-ups far less than you imagine.Put together, these show your inner critic is rarely telling the truth. Let’s make this real. Say you catch yourself thinking, “I’m too awkward to make friends.” First, pause before reacting to the thought. Remind yourself it’s a story, not a fact. Now try to reframe it: “When I’m in a quiet space and have time to warm up, I connect well with people who share my interests.” See the difference? The first line shuts you down. The second line gives you a pathway forward. The more often you catch and reframe, the faster your brain starts looking for proof of the new story. The new story starts with catching the old story in the act. Call it what it is—a story. Find recent moments that prove it wrong, or at least partially wrong. Write down a replacement line that’s both honest and workable. Practice saying it when you’re calm, so it’s ready when you need it. Then start taking tiny actions to support the new story each day. If you’re part of a couple, be aware that self-critical stories can get amplified in the relationship. Your partner’s reaction—whether confused, frustrated, or trying to help—can accidentally make the old story louder. Knowing this, and deciding together how you’ll handle it, can protect the progress you’re making. If you want a guide for rewriting those old stories and replacing them with something truer, we can help. Schedule a session and start telling the story you actually want to live. Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Megan Mance Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Blended Families Autism, ADHD, ACT, AuDHD, Somatic Therapies Trauma Communication Life Experience Lived through a neurodiverse marriage that ended in divorce, gaining firsthand insight into the challenges of mismatched communication, emotional pacing, and unmet needs. Over a decade into a blended partnership, continuing the daily work of co-parenting, healing old wounds, and choosing connection over avoidance—even when it’s hard. Brings grounded empathy and practical tools to couples work, shaped by lived experience with both disconnection and deep repair, offering real-world support instead of quick fixes. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #144966, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Megan Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel