🎯 Allism Spectrum Disorder?! What If Autism Was the Norm?
As a thought experiment, imagine if autism was the norm.
What if autistics outnumbered everyone else?
So allistics (non-autistic people) become the minority?
Would the autistics pathologize the allistics?
Enter the alternate universe of Allism Spectrum Disorder—a parody diagnosis where "normal" behaviors get pathologized.
Let’s flip the script and highlight some common allistic traits that, if viewed through a different lens, might seem a little crazy:
They rely heavily on small talk (even when it feels meaningless or forced).
They avoid direct confrontation (often leading to passive-aggressive behavior instead).
They prioritize group approval, sometimes sacrificing their own needs to fit in.
They struggle with honest emotional expression, choosing politeness over authenticity.
They often follow unwritten social rules (without ever questioning if they make sense).
They frequently interpret silence as awkwardness, rather than comfortable space.
They misinterpret literal language, assuming hidden meanings where none exist.
They often maintain social relationships based on obligation, rather than genuine interest.
They fear being judged for standing out, and often suppress their individuality to blend in.
Seems silly, right?
Yet this is exactly how many autistic individuals feel when navigating an allistic world. And we see this tension arise again and again in neurodiverse relationships.
🧠 Diagnostic Criteria for "Allism Spectrum Disorder" (Parody)
Let’s take a moment to fully explore this upside down world.
Imagine if allistic behaviors were pathologized the way autistic traits often are.
Below is a playful abbreviated take, originally written by Terra Vance, on what that might look like:
A. Persistent deficits in direct, honest, and compassionate social interaction and patterns of using deception and manipulation of others perception:
Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity. For example:
a. Indirect, ambiguous, or deceptive communication style
b. Over dependence on social norms and generalizations
c. Frequently superimposes subtext or places unfounded meaning on concrete, literal, or factual communication
d. Struggles with comprehending consent and personal boundaries in social interaction
Deficits in verbal and nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction. For example:
a. Ritualized use of unusual or menial conversation topics (e.g. comments on weather)
b. Pervasive passive aggressive communication style (saying “that’s different” when really meaning “I don’t like that”)
c. An excessive use of eye contact, abnormalities in body language, and deficits in understanding and use of gestures
Deficits in theory of mind and developing, maintaining, and understanding autistic relationships. For example:
a. Difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts
b. Inappropriate or undesired responses in conversation (e.g. using repeated passive/apathetic responses to end a conversation, visible discomfort when your interests or opinions vary from theirs)
c. Absorption in perceived social status “ranking”
d. Deficit in comprehending bodily autonomy and personal space
e. Restrictive fixation with and dependence on gender social constructs
f. Repeatedly engages in tribalistic behaviors, such as compulsive attempts to control reputation in groups, and exploiting, marginalizing, or punishing groups deemed unworthy or inferior
B. Patterns of over-dependence on heuristics, social norms, and generalizations in behavior, interests, or activities:
Stereotyped or repetitive verbalization, use of objects, or speech. e.g.,
a .Repetitive vocal stimming via verbalizing unfiltered thoughts or patterns of erroneous intonation
b. Recreating social scenarios with toys or objects as children
c. Repetitive use of involuntary scripted phrases (e.g. “Lets hang out soon”, “How are you”, “Long time no see”, or “It’s nice to meet you”)
Insistence on sameness, extreme adherence to pre-existing social norms, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior. e.g.,
a. Ritualized use of indirect communication
b. Strong attachment to group identity, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals
c. Need to conform
d. Difficulty in challenging pre-existing constructs in the world
e. Gullible to group biases such as bandwagon effect, groupthink, or status quo bias
Lack of specialization or pattern-recognition that is abnormal in apathy or disorderliness. e.g.,
a. Numerous superficial, shallow hobbies and interests with deficit in or complete lack of deeper exploration of interests
b. Selecting interests based on social group or social influence
c. Utilizing interests as social currency without genuine passion
d. Ignoring small details because they do not align with expectations, context, or pre-existing beliefs
e. Overly concerned with social perception instead of concrete objects or information
Dulled or hypo-reactive to sensory input or information that does align with pre-existing knowledge, beliefs, or self-interest. e.g.,
a. ”Tuning out” sounds in environment deemed unimportant
b. Easily influenced to interpret information based on how information is presented
c. Overly gullible to confirmation bias, halo effect, and attentional bias
d. Restrictively applies existing social constructs as rules/expectations for all interaction and modelling of instead of generating beliefs based on sensory input and pattern recognition
🤔 A Moment for Self-Reflection
Now I want to talk to the allistic partner.
Take a step back and consider:
If the roles were reversed, and you were given a label like "Allism Spectrum Disorder," how would that feel?
How would it impact the way you see yourself?
Do you fit any of the criteria we just explored in the parody?
This self-evaluation isn’t about judgment—it’s about empathy.
Imagine navigating a world where your natural ways of thinking, communicating, and connecting are constantly seen as “wrong” or needing to be “fixed.”
How would that shape your relationships, your self-esteem, and your sense of belonging?
👋 Final Thoughts
By flipping these behaviors, it becomes obvious how absurd it is to pathologize traits that are just different ways of experiencing the world.
Let’s stop trying to fit everyone into one “normal” box and open the door to a whole new level of understanding.
At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, our team of clinicians here to help you make that shift, even when it feels impossible.
Ready to get started? Book a session today and let’s move toward understanding and acceptance.
Until next time,
Harry
Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, Clinical Director
Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center
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