Tired of your Inner Critic?
- hmotro
- Aug 26
- 3 min read
Some of the most damaging lies are the self-critical stories you tell yourself.
“I’ll never read people right.”
“I can’t handle change.”
“I’m too awkward to make friends.”
“I always mess up conversations.”
These lines feel true because you’ve rehearsed them for years.They’re familiar, not factual.
Autistic communication differences get misread in a world built for sameness.
That mismatch can turn into shame if you let it.
Fortunately, research has given us new ways to reconsider our perceptions:
The Liking Gap means people usually like you more than you think after a conversation.
The Beautiful Mess Effect means others see your openness as courage, even when you feel exposed or clumsy.
The Spotlight Effect means people notice your slip-ups far less than you imagine.Put together, these show your inner critic is rarely telling the truth.
Let’s make this real.
Say you catch yourself thinking,
“I’m too awkward to make friends.”
First, pause before reacting to the thought.
Remind yourself it’s a story, not a fact.
Now try to reframe it:
“When I’m in a quiet space and have time to warm up, I connect well with people who share my interests.”
See the difference?
The first line shuts you down.
The second line gives you a pathway forward.
The more often you catch and reframe, the faster your brain starts looking for proof of the new story.
The new story starts with catching the old story in the act.
Call it what it is—a story.
Find recent moments that prove it wrong, or at least partially wrong.
Write down a replacement line that’s both honest and workable.
Practice saying it when you’re calm, so it’s ready when you need it.
Then start taking tiny actions to support the new story each day.
If you’re part of a couple, be aware that self-critical stories can get amplified in the relationship.
Your partner’s reaction—whether confused, frustrated, or trying to help—can accidentally make the old story louder.
Knowing this, and deciding together how you’ll handle it, can protect the progress you’re making.
If you want a guide for rewriting those old stories and replacing them with something truer, we can help.
Schedule a session and start telling the story you actually want to live.
Harry Motro
Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center
© 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers.
Specialties
Neurodiverse Couples
Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse)
Blended Families
Autism, ADHD, ACT, AuDHD,
Somatic Therapies Trauma
Communication
Life Experience
Lived through a neurodiverse marriage that ended in divorce, gaining firsthand insight into the challenges of mismatched communication, emotional pacing, and unmet needs.
Over a decade into a blended partnership, continuing the daily work of co-parenting, healing old wounds, and choosing connection over avoidance—even when it’s hard.
Brings grounded empathy and practical tools to couples work, shaped by lived experience with both disconnection and deep repair, offering real-world support instead of quick fixes.
Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #144966,
Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452
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