⏸️ Hit Pause, Save Love: How to Stop arguments from Escalating.
- hmotro
- Jul 20
- 2 min read
How to Stop an Argument from Escalating—Try the Pause Card
Your next argument needs a pause button, not a power struggle.
Grab a blank card, draw a giant ⏸, and you’ve built the cheapest relationship tech on Earth.
Rule 1: Flash it when you feel the argument tipping over to a fight. Then walk away from each other.
Either partner can flash it—no debate, no eye‑rolls, no veto, no chasing.
It stops spirals mid‑sentence, before sarcasm turns to scorched earth.
Autistic brain avoids sensory overload.
Allistic brain sidesteps word grenades.
Both nervous systems exit fight‑flight and drop into “buffering.”
During the pause, no one problem‑solves, fact‑checks, or doom‑predicts.
You breathe.
Sip water.
Walk three blocks.
Pet the dog.
Journal your thoughts and feelings.
Rule 2: Return only when heart rates are under 100 and voices can fit inside a library. Always return within 24 hours.
If your heart rate is still > 100 after 24 hours, return anyway.
But tell your partner you're not ready.
That you care.
That you need more time.
But you will come back within another 24 hours.
Once you're calm and able to return, the conversation will feel different.
The same topic feels like a puzzle, not a battlefield.
The "pause" card must be respected.
If it's used to avoid, it loses its magic.
Respect it and you can turn conflict into connection.
Need some hand holding to make this work?
Because sometimes saving love is as easy as hitting “pause.”
Harry Motro
Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center
Specialties
Neurodivergent Couples
Autistic Individuals & Family Members
ADHD & Executive Functioning Support
Complex Trauma & PTSD
Substance Use & Co-Occurring Disorders
Co-Parenting Challenges
Parenting Twice Exceptional Children
Identity & Self-Acceptance
Specialist in Neurodiverse Relationships
Lived Experience
Lived Experience in a Neurodiverse Marriage
Mother of Two Unique Children Parenting an 18-year-old and a 13-year-old.
Diverse Educational Background – Master’s in Marriage & Family Therapy, degrees in Communication, and a Doctorate in Education
Experience Across Multiple Fields – Over five years in nonprofit work supporting the unhoused, LGBTQ+ communities, and individuals with learning disabilities
Dedicated Educator – Adjunct professor at community college, undergraduate, and graduate levels
Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapist – Using evidence-based and strength-focused approaches to support clients
© 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers.
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