The Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program

 

A program for couples where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD or AuDHD. Each module tells you what actually happens in a session, in the words your therapist will use, and then gives the two of you something to do afterward. Nothing here needs an account, and nothing you write leaves your own device.

 

29 of 29 modules are written and readable now. The rest are listed by name so you can see the whole shape of the program before you start it.

 

How to read it

 

Parts One and Two run in order and each assumes the ones before it. Part Six does not: it is a shelf of the things neurodiverse couples actually fight about, and you take the ones that are about your life. You do not have to be in therapy to use any of it.

 

Part One - Your First Session

 

1A — Your First Session

 

Why it will not be the pile-on you are bracing for, how confidentiality works, the three words that stop anything, and the shape of the first hundred minutes. Read Your First Session

 

1B — The Connection Exercise

 

The short exercise that opens your first session, what your therapist will ask, and what to write down afterward. Read The Connection Exercise

 

1C — Your Goals

 

The middle forty minutes of your first session, where each of you says what you want and it becomes a roadmap. Read Your Goals

 

1D — Reflective Listening

 

The listening technique taught at the end of your first session: ask for a time, say it back, and check that it landed. Read Reflective Listening

 

Part Two - Is One or Both of Us Autistic or ADHD?

 

2A — When We Don't Talk About It

 

One of you thinks the other might be autistic and has not said it. Why we leave it unsaid, and how the work moves anyway. Read When We Don't Talk About It

 

2B — When We Do Talk About It

 

One of you wants it in the room from the start, or the booking said it. How we handle that in the first sessions. Read When We Do Talk About It

 

2C — Getting a Picture

 

Optional. Where each of you stands, what a diagnosis is actually for, and how we get a picture with a set of screeners. Read Getting a Picture

 

2D — What an Answer Changes, and What It Doesn't

 

Once a neurotype is named, we can work on the differences between you as differences, and break the pattern where each of you assumes the worst. Read What an Answer Changes, and What It Doesn't

 

Part Three - Where It Started

 

3A — Drawing the Family

 

The drawing that opens your family-of-origin session, and the marks that put an undiagnosed relative on the page without diagnosing anyone. Read Drawing the Family

 

3B — Your Childhood Wound

 

One of you names the thing you needed as a child and did not get, and turns it into a request to your partner for this week. Read Your Childhood Wound

 

3C — The Family You Grew Up In Was Neurodiverse Too

 

The session where the second part of the family-of-origin worksheets comes back, worked as four questions instead of nine pages. Read The Family You Grew Up In Was Neurodiverse Too

 

3D — Competing Sensory Needs, Then and Now

 

The sensory worksheet about the house you grew up in, and the session that maps where your two nervous systems collide now. Read Competing Sensory Needs, Then and Now

 

Part Four - Two Brains, Mapped

 

4A — The Labels You Carried

 

The session where each label you were given is read for what it was describing, and the mask is priced out loud. Read The Labels You Carried

 

4B — Your Spiky Profile

 

The Trait Wheel exercise, and the session where the two of you read one partner's strengths and challenges together. Read Your Spiky Profile

 

4C — Where You Misread Each Other

 

The session where the two of you find the places you get each other wrong, in both directions, and write down what was true. Read Where You Misread Each Other

 

4D — The Working Map, Not the Label

 

The session where everything you have gathered so far becomes one page each, ten areas in your own words, dated and updated over time. Read The Working Map, Not the Label

 

Part Five - The Cycle and the Repair

 

5A — Naming the Loop

 

One ordinary fight drawn as a figure eight, a name for the loop, and a pause signal with a return time. Read Naming the Loop

 

5B — Underneath the Loop

 

The program's slowest session: a question sent ahead, a silence asked about rather than guessed, and the deep feeling and want said aloud. Read Underneath the Loop

 

5C — Impact and Intent

 

The move we use against defensiveness: impact named first, intent granted second, the explanation afterward, and the dictionary the two of you keep. Read Impact and Intent

 

5D — The Love List

 

The session where you each write twenty very specific things that make you feel loved, read them to each other, and put them up where you will see them every day. Read The Love List

 

Part Six - What You Actually Fight About

 

6A — Money

 

The money session: the mechanism before the character, who can see what, and a system built for a bad week. Read Money

 

6B — Sex and Intimacy

 

The session that names the five difficulties behind a sexless marriage, agrees an opening move that commits nobody, and writes down the words for no. Read Sex and Intimacy

 

6C — Parenting

 

The session that sorts which argument you are really having, prices the work instead of counting it, and shortens what you must agree on. Read Parenting

 

6D — In-Laws and Family

 

The session where the two of you plan the next family visit in advance: leaving time, signal, who says what, and the year. Read In-Laws and Family

 

6E — The Mental Load

 

The session where the noticing nobody has listed gets counted, and whole areas of the household change hands with the noticing attached. Read The Mental Load

 

6F — Work and Time Apart

 

The session that counts where your week really goes, separates alone time from withdrawal, and buys one thing back at a size you can finish. Read Work and Time Apart

 

Part Seven - Making It Hold

 

7A — Micro-Agreements

 

How an agreement is built in the session so that it survives an ordinary week at home. Read Micro-Agreements

 

7B — Eight Dates, Neurodiverse

 

How your therapist assigns one of the eight conversations: no outing required, fun first, questions sent ahead, forty minutes. Read Eight Dates, Neurodiverse

 

7C — Knowing It Is Working

 

The ninety-day review: the four questions that show whether this work is moving, and what a flat quarter can mean. Read Knowing It Is Working

 

Working with us

 

The Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center works with couples where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD or AuDHD. Therapy for clients in California, coaching worldwide, all by telehealth. Talk with our team.