Quick Fact Sheet - Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Tip: Want more resources? 📖 Read our in-depth Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Article for a full overview of challenges, therapy approaches, and more. 📖 Visit our Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) Page if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. KEY FACTS Two ways to work with us — We offer therapy for California residents and coaching nationwide . Which option is right for you depends on where you live and what you’re hoping to focus on. Our Client Care Coordinator can help you figure that out. Strengths-Based Care — Being neurodiverse doesn’t mean being unable; it means having different strengths. We help couples see those strengths, understand each other’s perspectives, and use their differences to build a more connected and fulfilling relationship. Integrated Neurodiverse Therapy — Our unique approach often pairs a couples therapist with separate individual therapists for each partner. With your permission, we coordinate as a team so that each person can grow individually and bring their best self to the relationship. Our team is trained for this — Every therapist and coach on our staff is well-trained in neurodiversity and comfortable supporting autistic and ADHD partners. The rhythm — Most couples start weekly for 6–8 weeks, then shift to biweekly or monthly for maintenance. Along the way, individual sessions are available when one partner needs extra support. The investment — We know therapy is a commitment, especially the integrated approach, but couples often tell us it makes the work much more effective and well worth it. Insurance — We are private pay. For California therapy clients, we can provide superbills for potential out-of-network reimbursement. Diagnosis optional — You don’t need a diagnosis to participate. If you’re in California and want to explore an autism or ADHD diagnosis, our team can help. Getting started — Most new couples can book their first session within 1–2 weeks of reaching out. A quick note on crises — We’re not a crisis service. If you’re ever in immediate danger, call 911 . For urgent mental health support, call or text 988 . WHO WE HELP We support neurodiverse couples throughout who are navigating: Autism/ADHD differences Sensory overload and executive function clashes Recurring conflict about “tone,” initiative, chores, or intimacy Parenting and co-parenting challenges WHAT TO EXPECT Intake — Individual + joint sessions Goals + measures — Clarify direction Skill blocks — Listening scripts, repair steps, conflict resolution tools Practice plans — Structured application at home Review and adjust — Ongoing feedback and maintenance LEARN MORE 📖 Read our in-depth Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Article for a full overview of challenges, therapy approaches, and more. 📖 Visit our Neurodiverse Couples Counseling FAQ for practical details about our services. Last reviewed: Aug 20, 2025 • Author: Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT (Clinical Director) GETTING STARTED We would love to create a safe place for you to break the painful patterns of the past and communicate in a new way. Please fill out our contact form and we will be glad to connect you with one of our team members.

Making the Holidays a Win for Neurodiverse Couples The holidays are here — lights, gatherings, music, traditions... For some couples, it’s the most wonderful time of the year. For others, especially those in neurodiverse relationships , it can feel like walking into a minefield. Take Sarah and James. Sarah’s idea of holiday magic was non-stop socializing. James, who is autistic, felt his energy drain with every party invite. By Christmas Eve, Sarah felt abandoned, and James was burned out. Sound familiar? This season, it doesn’t have to go this way. 🎁 The Struggles Are Real—But Fixable Holidays mean extra sensory overload, social expectations, and unspoken assumptions. For autistic partners, loud gatherings, surprise events, or last-minute changes can create a meltdown. For allistic partners, the lack of enthusiasm or perceived “shutdown” can feel isolating. Add holiday traditions into the mix, and it’s easy to see how good intentions can morph into conflict. But here’s the good news: understanding and planning can make a huge difference. 🌟 Why Holidays Feel Different in Neurodiverse Couples For neurodiverse couples, the holidays magnify existing dynamics: Autistic partners often focus on consistency, structure, and recovery time. Unscheduled gatherings or unclear expectations can feel chaotic. Allistic partners might value spontaneity, connection, and tradition . A lack of engagement can feel personal. Instead of labeling these differences as “wrong,” therapy can help couples see them as strengths. 🕯️ Connection Over Perfection Here’s what matters: connection doesn’t have to look like perfection. For Sarah and James, the solution wasn’t attending every holiday party together. It was building a shared plan: Sarah hosted a Friendsgiving, and James stayed home to recharge for the family event they both prioritized. This year, embrace the fact that neurodiverse love looks different — and that’s beautiful. ✨ The Gift of Interventions: How can our neuro-informed specialists help? Customizing Connection Plans: We’ll help you identify how much socializing works for both partners. Together, we create a game plan that respects everyone’s needs. Teaching the Power of Scripts: We offer strategies like prepared phrases for exiting conversations, saying no to extra gatherings, and avoiding awkward moments. Addressing Sensory Needs: Let’s talk about your holiday environments. Our therapists guide couples to set up calm zones or use tools like noise-canceling headphones during high-sensory events. Building Emotional Fluency: Misunderstandings spike when stress rises. We’ll teach both partners how to communicate what’s happening internally, without blame. These tailored tools go beyond generic advice. They’re designed to meet your unique needs as a neurodiverse couple. 🎉 Want Personalized Holiday Tools? Let’s Talk! Our team of neuro-informed couples counselors are here to help you navigate the season with clarity and care. Whether you’re looking to reduce holiday stress or deepen your connection, our neuro-informed specialists can help. Click here to schedule your session today. Warm wishes, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center 🔦 Spotlight on Whitney S. Specialties and Certifications Neurodiverse Couples Specialist Neurodiverse Parenting Specialist Life Transitions Postpartum Depression Birthing Trauma Spirituality/Christianity Grief and Loss IEPs/Special Education LGBTQ+ - Affirming Parenting Life Experience Diagnosed with ADHD at age 17 Married 23 years to neurodivergent husband Proud mother of 3 neurodivergent kids: age 21 Autism/ADHD/twice exceptional, age 18 ADHD, age 13 Autism/ADHD Proud mother to LGBTQ+ identifying kids Care giver to 2 parents diagnosed with cancer through treatment end of life Contact Whitney Today! Did you miss the last Blog? Click Here to Read Now! Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Cassie Clayton, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Cassie Think You May be Have ADHD? The Structured Adult ADHD Self-Test (SAAST) may be used to identify adults who may have undiagnosed ADHD Take the SAAST Test

Get help through groups. Parenting Neurodiverse Children, Healing Trauma Group (OTRS), Cassandra Group, Aspie Women's Group and Anger Management for Aspies Group. CASSANDRA SUPPORT GROUPS Thriving Beyond Cassandra Syndrome: Weekly Coaching & Therapeutic Community Experience Neurotypical/Allistic Support Weekly for 8-sessions/weeks Wednesdays 5:30 - 6:45 PM PST $100/per session Max 10 Participants Next Group Start Date: Wednesday, September 3rd Testimonials Sign Up Now Weekly "Thriving Beyond Cassandra Syndrome Group Coaching and Therapeutic experience" Is This Group For Me? Feeling isolated, misunderstood, and emotionally off-balance in a relationship with a partner on the autism spectrum can be deeply challenging. You may grapple with feelings of abandonment, confusion, regret, resentment, and fear for the future. It's a journey that can leave you feeling distant from your own sense of self and optimism, often without adequate understanding or support from others. This group is for you if: - You know or suspect your partner is on the Autism spectrum - Whether or not you are in couples therapy (or coaching) - Whether or not you are experiencing the classic Cassandra Syndrome, Ongoing Traumatic Relationship Stress, or Trauma Bond. - You seek guidance, clarity, healing, and reclamation relative to your unique relationship. How Will This Group Help? Lisa has facilitated nine group cohorts serving over 100 women thus far, leading to significant shifts - from feeling alone, exhausted, disempowered, and confused to reclaiming themselves, having clarity, and a path forward. Her therapeutic community experience will help you navigate your relationship's emotional and practical complexities. Our 8-week program is a journey designed to elevate your well-being and reignite joy in your life. It's inclusive for anyone in a neurodiverse relationship, regardless of their partner's ASD diagnosis, the stage of their relationship, or previous therapies and interventions they've experienced. In this supportive group environment, you will: - Feel Less Alone and Establish Emotional & Psychological Safety - Clarify Patterns and Discover Solutions to Them - Requalify Your Emotions to Experience Relief and Peace in Your Heart - Apply Powerful Psychological and Emotional Empowerment Tools - Nourish Yourself to Strengthen Your Mind, Body, and Spirit - Heal Attachment Injuries to Step into Your Full Power - Reclaim Yourself to Feel Whole Again - Focus on Post-Traumatic Growth & Release Regret Group Details $100 per session (not covered by insurance*) Ready for the next step? Just complete our Cassandra Group Contact Form to get started. Sign Up Now Neurotypical Support: Cassandra Syndrome One-Time Workshop Is This Workshop For Me? This workshop is crafted for women like you who are navigating the intricate dynamics of being in a relationship with an autism spectrum partner. How Will This Workshop Help? We aim to provide you with understanding, strategies, and support tailored to your unique situation. Here's what we'll explore together: 1) Anchor in Safety and Understanding: Create a foundation of mutual understanding and support. 2) Illuminate Your Journey: Light the way to healing and growth in your relationship. 3) Master Emotional Alchemy: Learn techniques to transform emotional challenges into tranquility. 4) Navigate the Neurodiverse Maze: Enhance communication and connection with your partner. 5) Reflect on the Future of Your Relationship: Find clarity and direction for your journey ahead. 6) Rediscover and Reclaim Your Sense of Self: Empower your identity within the context of your neurodiverse relationship. Group Details Sign Up Now

Expert counseling for neurodiverse couples. Our strength based approach to Autism, ADHD, and AuDHD can transform your relationship. Love on the Spectrum Autism. ADHD. AuDHD. We help neurodiverse couples & individuals connect and thrive. What kind of help are you looking for? Couples Therapy Individual Therapy Autism & ADHD Assessments World's Largest Neurodiverse therapy service. 100% Online. Explore without pressure. Take a free screener now. Autism Screener ADHD Screener You’ve probably heard of autism. You’ve likely heard of ADHD. But what happens when someone experiences both at once? That’s AuDHD —and it’s more common than many people realize.. What is AuDHD? Learn More about AuDHD How it works Tell Us about You Share a few quick details so we can understand your neurodiverse experience — whether you're navigating autism, ADHD, or both. Get Your Perfect Match We’ll pair you with a specialist experienced in autism , ADHD , or AuDHD — within 24 hours. Start Your Healing Journey! Schedule your FREE consultation and start building the understanding and connection your relationship deserves. 1 2 3 Get Started Now! We are experts in autism , ADHD & neurodiversity . Why risk being misunderstood? Our team understands the challenges that the neurodiverse community faces when seeking help. Autism, ADHD or AuDHD...we dedicate our lives to supporting you. Meet The Team Neuro-Informed vs Traditional Therapy

Twice Exceptional Children UNDERSTANDING THE MISUNDERSTOOD: SUPPORTING TWICE EXCEPTIONAL CHILDREN At our neurodiverse therapy center, we know how deeply our couples care about their twice exceptional (2e) children. These kids possess both exceptional abilities and learning differences, often leading to misunderstandings and mislabeling within society. As it is our desire to support the whole family, we want to help the children too. Thus, some of our team members have specialized in caring for twice exceptional children. These therapists work hard to comprehend the unique challenges faced by 2e children and to provide effective support they need to empower them to thrive. On this page , we explore various aspects of twice exceptionality, shedding light on emotional intensity, executive functioning concerns, and the intersection of giftedness with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD), anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), depression, and specific learning disabilities. Additionally, we discuss the importance of advocating for appropriate educational placements and acceleration for these exceptional children. EMOTIONAL INTENSITY & EMOTIONAL REGULATION: UNLEASHING THE POWER OF EMOTIONS Twice exceptional children often experience emotional intensity, characterized by heightened sensitivity and depth of emotions. However, this emotional intensity can sometimes lead to challenges in emotional regulation. Our therapists provide a safe and supportive environment where 2e children can explore and express their emotions. Through evidence-based interventions, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness techniques, we assist them in developing effective emotional regulation strategies. By nurturing their emotional well-being, we empower 2e children to harness the power of their emotions and thrive. EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING CONCERNS: UNLEASHING POTENTIAL THROUGH SKILL DEVELOPMENT Executive functioning refers to a set of cognitive skills that enable individuals to plan, organize, focus, regulate behavior, and manage time effectively. Many twice exceptional children face difficulties in this area, impacting their academic performance and daily functioning. Our therapists conduct comprehensive assessments to understand the specific executive functioning challenges faced by each child. With this knowledge, they design personalized interventions that address organization, time management, task initiation, and problem-solving skills. By cultivating these executive functioning abilities, we equip 2e children with the tools necessary to unlock their full potential. NAVIGATING DUAL EXCEPTIONALITIES GIFTED & AUTISM/ASPBERGER'S (ASD) The co-occurrence of giftedness and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) presents unique challenges and opportunities. Our therapists specialize in understanding the intersection of these dual exceptionalities. They provide individualized support that acknowledges the strengths of gifted 2e children with ASD, such as their focused interests and attention to detail, while addressing the social and communication difficulties they may encounter. Through social skills training, sensory integration techniques, and personalized educational strategies, our therapists empower 2e children with ASD to navigate their world with confidence and resilience. GIFTED & ADHD/ADD The combination of giftedness and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD) brings forth unique strengths and challenges. Our therapists employ a multi-faceted approach to support 2e children in balancing their hyperfocus and challenges with attention regulation. Through tailored interventions, including behavioral strategies, self-monitoring techniques, and adaptive learning environments, we help these children channel their intense focus while managing impulsivity and improving organizational skills. By understanding their individual needs, we empower 2e children with ADHD/ADD to thrive academically and personally. GIFTED & ANXIETY/OCD The combination of giftedness and anxiety, including obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), presents unique challenges that require a holistic approach to intervention. Our therapists provide a supportive and compassionate environment where 2e children with anxiety and OCD can explore their thoughts and fears. Through evidence-based therapies, such as exposure and response prevention (ERP) and cognitive restructuring, we assist them in developing coping mechanisms to manage their anxiety and reduce OCD-related behaviors. Additionally, our therapists work collaboratively with families and educators to create a nurturing and accommodating environment that supports the emotional well-being of these children while fostering their academic and personal growth. GIFTED & DEPRESSION Gifted 2e children may be susceptible to experiencing depression due to a combination of their intense emotions, perfectionistic tendencies, and the challenges they face in navigating their exceptionalities. Our therapists offer a safe space for these children to express their emotions and explore the underlying causes of their depressive symptoms. Through a range of therapeutic techniques, including cognitive restructuring, supportive counseling, and creative expression, we empower them to develop resilience, self-compassion, and effective coping strategies. Our goal is to help these children build a strong foundation of emotional well-being and thrive in all aspects of their lives. GIFTED & LEARNING DISABILITIES (DYSLEXIA, DYSCALCULIA, DYSGRAPHIA) Twice exceptional children often face specific learning disabilities, such as dyslexia, dyscalculia, or dysgraphia, alongside their giftedness. Our therapists understand the unique learning profiles of these children and employ individualized approaches to support their academic growth. Through targeted interventions, such as multi-sensory learning techniques, assistive technologies, and specialized instructional strategies, we help 2e children overcome their learning challenges while fostering their exceptional abilities. By nurturing their strengths and providing the necessary accommodations, we enable them to reach their full potential academically and develop a positive self-identity as learners. ENSURING AN OPTIMAL EDUCATION: ADVOCATING FOR TWICE EXCEPTIONAL CHILDREN Advocating for appropriate educational placement and support is crucial for 2e children to thrive academically and socially. Our therapists work closely with families, educators, and school administrators to advocate for individualized education plans (IEPs), gifted programs, acceleration, and other necessary accommodations. By providing comprehensive assessments, educational consultation, and ongoing collaboration, we ensure that the educational environment is conducive to the unique needs and abilities of 2e children. Our goal is to create a supportive and nurturing educational experience that fosters their growth, maximizes their potential, and celebrates their neurodiversity. Further Help Looking for more information? At our sister site, Parenting Autism Therapy Center , we are dedicated to helping parents of neurodiverse children gain the proper insight, and knowledge, to help their children and family thrive. Click the link below to be directed to that site. Visit our Parenting Site FINAL WORDS At our neurodiverse therapy center, we recognize and embrace the unique strengths and challenges faced by twice exceptional children. Our therapists provide specialized support that addresses emotional intensity, executive functioning concerns, and the intersection of giftedness with various exceptionalities. Through evidence-based interventions, personalized approaches, and collaboration with families and educators, we empower these exceptional children to overcome obstacles, develop resilience, and unlock their full potential. By embracing neurodiversity and nurturing the unique talents and abilities of 2e children, we create a world where they can thrive and make meaningful contributions. 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Well, you're not alone. In fact, most neurodiverse couples start out working really hard at being "GOOD" for each other. The "being good" cycle starts when the neurodivergent partner masks his natural behavior in order to satisfy his neurotypical partner. Let's say the neurotypical partner pleads: " Give me more affection. " The neurodiverse partner then tries to muster up the energy to show more affection. Meanwhile, they tell their partner: " Stop nagging me. " So, the neurotypical partner holds everything in and stops sharing her needs. This usually works for a while, till it doesn't. That's when everything falls apart. Unfortunately , forcing good behavior masks the deeper differences between both partners . With this dynamic, couples feel misunderstood, exhausted and lonely. After trying so hard to be good, you may wonder, "Does my partner value me just the way I am?" If you focus all your energy on being "good", resentment builds and you won't feel loved for JUST BEING YOU. Rather than trying harder, acceptance should be the first goal. Acceptance is way beyond working on love languages or communication skills. These are essential skills, but they come AFTER feeling accepted. In neurodiverse couples counseling, we explore differences in strength-based, non-shaming ways. This leads to more understanding and acceptance. The fortunate paradox is that, once you feel accepted, it is massively easier to change in ways that meet your partner's needs. You just need a neuro-informed couples specialist to help you shift from "trying so hard to be good" to true acceptance. Click Here To Match With An Expert We'll be here when you're ready. All the best, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take an ASD/ADHD Screener

Neurodiverse Parenting HELPING YOUR CHILD THRIVE Most parents are willing to sacrifice almost anything to see your child happy, independent, and productive. We see parents bend over backwards to support their children. If you are using the wrong approach for them or if mom and dad are not on the same page, everyone in the family can quickly become exhausted and discouraged. You may even start to wonder if you are doing something wrong and making things more difficult. No matter how much you are putting into advocating for and supporting your child, it rarely feels like it is enough. Difficult social situations for your child break your heart. The frustrations spread to the parental relationship as one of you typically feels like she or he is carrying the bulk of the workload. NEED SUPPORT FOR YOUR TEEN? Teens Unmask Therapy Center is our trusted partner practice offering virtual counseling for teens who are autistic or exploring the possibility of being autistic. Many of our therapists are autistic themselves and bring compassionate, specialized support in areas like identity, communication, sensory overwhelm, and mental health. Our team creates a safe, affirming space where neurodivergent teens can feel understood and empowered. Please feel free to click below to learn more: Teens Unmask Therapy Center QUESTIONS TO CONSIDER Do you suspect that your child may have symptoms of social anxiety or high functioning autism? Is your child clearly intelligent but, yet struggling to read social cues? Is your child struggling making friends and/or keeping them? Is your child being bullied, or spending more time alone than you would like to see? Are adult responsibilities being ignored by your teen or young adult? Do you feel unsure about your child’s future? Is there a lack of motivation? Are you worried about your child's ability to function independently in the future? Do you get trapped in repetitive arguments with your child who seems to tune you out? Do you worry about your child being naïve, vulnerable to being taken advantage of? Is your child struggling to launch? Do you regularly fight with your partner about how to best support your child? Read More about Our Screeners Here YOU ARE NOT ALONE At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, we have therapists who work extensively with parents of neurodiverse children. A few of the basics that we cover include: Understanding the WHY behind your child's behaviors. This can include avoidance, attention-getting, sensory stimulation, protest, attempt to gain access, or an attempt to go from powerless to control. Planning strategies for predictable behaviors. This work involves examining regular problematic behaviors with an eye to changing what you can control - what happens before and after a behavior occurs. Developing a kind and consistent consequences strategy. Negative consequences should be a last resort and tied directly to the original behavior. The best consequences are positive ones for desired behaviors. Validate your neurodiverse child’s feelings. This will reduce their feeling emotionally isolated as they begin to understand themselves and that you understand them too. We've helped these parents go from completely exhausted to still tired but making progress! Fill out the form below. Include the ages of your children and a brief description of your struggles and we will match you with a therapist who can help. PARENTING AUTISM CENTER For our couples with children on the autism spectrum who need intensive autistic-aware parenting therapy, please consider the Parenting Autism Therapy Center , which provides counseling for parents of children with Autism & ADHD. We can help you find solutions to meet your family's needs! Visit our sister site, Parenting Autism Therapy Center , for more information: Parenting Autism Therapy Center Meet with our Client Care Coordinator

Hi Everyone, Ever feel like you're at war with yourself? 🤯 I do. It’s that frustrating gap between the values you hold dear and the reality of how those values play out in life. For many couples—neurodivergent or not—this misalignment often comes down to how our brains are wired. The challenges aren’t limited to autistic partners. Both autistic and non-autistic individuals can struggle with translating their values into action. Brain wiring, patterns of thinking, and communication styles all play a role in how intentions get lost along the way. Instead of seeing the heart behind the effort, others often focus on the missteps—and that disconnect can be painful for everyone involved. But there’s hope! By understanding how these challenges show up in different ways for both partners, we can start to move past the outcomes and focus on the values that matter most. The Inner Struggle: Illustrating the Conflict Below are two tables that try to capture the inconsistencies we’re speaking about, one for an autistic person and one for an allistic person. Remember, these are not perfect representations, but they can illuminate some common areas of conflict between values and brain wiring.💖 Autistic Internal Conflict Table Values What happens in real life Honesty, Authenticity Everything must be said out loud. Perceived as rudeness and social missteps. Independence, Self-Reliance I resist help when I need it. A partner’s request is perceived as an ultimatum. Perceived as demand resistant. Fairness, Justice Fairness is all-or-nothing . " Perceived as moral rigidity and an intolerance for compromise. Calm, Harmony, Predictability Sensory sensitivity can lead to overwhelm and emotional dysregulation which is the opposite of the desired calm. Perceived as volatile. Deep Connection and Shared Understanding Difficulties in interpreting non-verbal cues. Perceived as disconnected, not caring. Allistic Internal Conflict Table Values What happens in real life Flexibility, Adaptability Prioritize social harmony over authenticity. Perceived as inauthentic, people pleaser. Connection, Shared Experiences Difficulties in understanding neurodivergent communication , resulting in flooding, pursuing, and criticizing. Perceived as overly emotional, irrational, and cruel. Empathy, Compassion The tendency to apply allistic assumptions about emotional expression (assume an emotion is not felt if it is not said). Perceived as judgmental, and self-righteous. Teamwork, Partnership The need for external validation may block progress on projects. Perceived as insecure, needy, and unreliable. Clear Communication, Directness A tendency toward indirect communication and "reading between the lines." Perceived as impossible to understand. The Core Conflict: A Daily Struggle For autistic people , the table above isn't just a list, it's a daily reality. The pull between their values and their neurobiology creates ongoing internal tension and frustration that then impacts how they are perceived. 💔 Likewise, an allistic person 's desire for connection and validation may be at odds with their difficulty understanding different communication styles and neurotypes, and their wiring to use indirect communication. ⚔️ 🌟 Navigating the Inconsistencies At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , we start by guiding each partner on a journey of deep self-discovery, helping them unpack their own "table" —those deeply ingrained values juxtaposed with the realities of their brain wiring. This process involves carefully examining the internal conflicts that arise when their values clash with how they naturally react and process the world. As partners gain a clearer understanding of their own internal landscape, they can begin to articulate these often-unspoken struggles to each other. By fostering a space where each person can express their internal conflicts and feel truly heard and understood, the pathway to healing opens up.🛡️ 🚀 Internal Conflict Exercise This week, take some time to consider your own "Internal Conflict Table" and ask these questions: Where do your values and brain wiring clash? 🤔 Do you fight this clash or accept it with self-compassion? 💖 How do your values shape your expectations of your partner? 💡 When your actions are misunderstood, how do you respond? 😟 Can you spot when your partner’s actions conflict with their values? 🧐 How can you better express your struggles to your partner? 🗣️ If you're struggling to understand these complexities in your relationship, reach out. We’re here to support you every step of the way towards deeper connection and understanding. Click Here to Schedule! Warmly, Harry Motro Clinical Director 🔦 Spotlight on Monica Attia Specialties Assessment ADHD & Autism support Neurodiverse Couples Eating & Autism Teens Brainspotting / Trauma Internal Family Systems LGBTQIA+ Kink/Poly-Affirmed AuDHD Emotional Intimacy Professional Qualifications Masters of Science, Marriage and Family Therapy - San Diego State University Post-Baccalaureate Psychological Science Program - University of California, Irvine Juris Doctor - Georgetown University Law Center Bachelor of Arts, Political Science - University of California, Los Angeles Life Experience First-generation Egyptian-American, transitioned from lawyer to therapist. Diagnosed with ADHD and autism. Faced pressures to conform culturally and neurotypically, believing that being "normal" was the key to happiness. Discovered that celebrating neurodivergence fosters meaningful connections and embraced it fully. Wouldn’t trade neurodivergence, despite its challenges during childhood and adolescence, because it connects to a community of resilient individuals. Therapeutic Mission Dedicated to supporting and celebrating neurodiverse individuals and couples, fostering spaces where everyone feels seen and understood. Contact Liz Today! Did you miss the last Blog? Click Here to Read Now! Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Cassie Clayton, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Cassie Think You May be Have ADHD? The Structured Adult ADHD Self-Test (SAAST) may be used to identify adults who may have undiagnosed ADHD Take the SAAST Test

🌟 ADHD Isn’t a Deficit—It’s a Different Way of Focusing ADHD isn't about a lack of focus—it's about a focus that operates on its own unique terms. Your ADHD brain is wired to zero in on what excites and engages you, unleashing incredible creativity and drive. But this same strength can also make it challenging to tackle tasks that don’t spark your interest, leaving you (and your loved ones) frustrated and misunderstood. It’s time to rethink ADHD as both a powerful tool and a challenge, and to understand how to harness its full potential. 🧠 The ADHD Nervous System: Unleashing Strengths and Overcoming Struggles The ADHD brain is a powerhouse of potential, driven by an interest-based system that can propel you to remarkable heights or present significant challenges depending on the task at hand. 🌟 The Strength: Hyperfocus and Creativity One of the most powerful aspects of ADHD is hyperfocus —the ability to become intensely absorbed in activities that captivate you. This laser-like focus can lead to extraordinary productivity, creativity, and problem-solving abilities. When your interest is piqued, your brain engages fully, allowing you to dive deep and excel in ways that others might struggle to achieve. 😴 The Struggle: Managing Mundane Tasks However, the same brain that excels in areas of passion can struggle with mundane, repetitive tasks . When a task lacks stimulation or personal relevance, it can feel nearly impossible to complete. This can lead to procrastination, avoidance, and a cycle of frustration where the inability to finish these tasks diminishes your sense of accomplishment and self-worth. 🥶 Another Struggle: Overwhelm and ADHD Paralysis Another significant challenge is ADHD paralysis —a state of overwhelm that occurs when faced with too many tasks or too much information. This mental shutdown can leave you feeling stuck, unable to move forward, and further exacerbates feelings of shame and inadequacy. By understanding these strengths and struggles, you can learn to navigate the challenges while leveraging the incredible potential that comes with your unique way of thinking. 🛠️ Therapeutic Interventions: Using NICUP and MEDS to Thrive In therapy, understanding that the ADHD nervous system is driven by interest allows us to develop strategies that not only manage symptoms but also harness the unique strengths of ADHD. Here’s how we approach it: 💥 NICUP: Aligning Tasks with Your Brain’s Natural Preferences NICUP stands for N ovelty, I nterest, C hallenge, U rgency, and P assion—elements that are key to engaging the ADHD brain effectively: Novelty : Incorporating new elements into routine tasks can keep your brain engaged and focused. We explore ways to introduce freshness into your daily routines. Interest : We help you connect your responsibilities with your personal interests, ensuring that even mundane tasks carry some level of engagement for you. Challenge : Transforming tasks into challenges or competitions can tap into your natural drive, making it easier to stay focused and complete them. Urgency : Creating realistic deadlines or adding time constraints can stimulate your brain’s need for urgency, helping you maintain momentum. Passion : We work to align your tasks with your core passions, ensuring that what you do feels meaningful and motivating. 🧘 MEDS: Building a Foundation for Mental Wellness While NICUP focuses on task engagement, MEDS — M indfulness, E xercise, D iet, and S leep—provides the foundation for overall mental wellness: Mindfulness : Practicing mindfulness helps you become aware of your thoughts and behaviors, enabling you to manage distractions and reduce shame-based thinking. Exercise : Regular physical activity is essential not just for your body but for your brain, helping to regulate mood, improve focus, and alleviate anxiety. Diet : A balanced diet supports brain function and energy levels, making it easier to maintain focus and manage ADHD symptoms effectively. Sleep : Quality sleep is critical for resetting your brain and preparing you for the challenges of the next day. We work on strategies to improve sleep hygiene, which can have a significant impact on your ability to manage ADHD. 💬 Addressing Shame and Self-Worth in Therapy ADHD isn’t just about focus; it’s also about the emotional toll that comes with it. Many adults with ADHD struggle with feelings of shame, inadequacy, and low self-worth because of the challenges they face in meeting expectations—whether their own or others'. In therapy, we work on: Building Self-Compassion : Recognizing that ADHD is not a flaw but a different way of processing the world. This shift in perspective is crucial for healing. Reframing Negative Thoughts : Helping you identify and challenge the negative self-talk that often accompanies ADHD struggles. Creating a Supportive Network : Encouraging connection with others who understand ADHD, so you don’t feel isolated in your experiences. ADHD isn’t about a lack of focus; it’s about focusing differently. The therapy we offer is not just any therapy—it’s specialized and deeply understanding because our therapists don’t just know ADHD clinically—they live it. Our team includes clinicians who are ADHD’ers themselves, bringing a wealth of lived experience to their practice. They understand the unique challenges you face because they’ve been there too. Through this specialized lens, we help you navigate challenges, build self-worth, and harness your unique strengths. Warmly, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center 📝 Take Charge: Screeners to Better Understand Your ADHD Understanding your ADHD is the first step toward managing it effectively. We invite you to take one or more of the following screening tools to gain deeper insight into your symptoms and how they impact your daily life: 🧠 Adult ADHD Self-Report Scale (ASRSv1.1) A commonly used self-assessment tool for adult ADHD, the ASRSv1.1 consists of 18 questions designed to help identify ADHD symptoms. ⚡ Barratt Impulsiveness Scale (BIS-11) This 30-question screener focuses specifically on impulsivity traits, helping you understand how impulsiveness affects your life. 📋 Structured Adult ADHD Self-Test (SAAST) The SAAST covers 21 questions about concentration, impulsiveness, disorganization, and hyperactivity, providing a broad overview of how these traits manifest. 🧩 Copeland Symptom List for Adult ADD If you’re more concerned with attention deficit rather than hyperactivity, this 63-question screener zeroes in on symptoms related to inattention. Taking these screeners can offer valuable insights and guide you in seeking further evaluation or support. 📊 Stats of the Week Did you know? Prevalence: Approximately 8.7 million adults in the U.S. have ADHD. 1. ADHD Statistics And Facts In 2024 – Forbes Health Underdiagnosis: Many adults with ADHD remain undiagnosed. Studies suggest that less than 20% of adults with ADHD are aware of their condition. 1. Adult attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) - Symptoms and causes - Mayo Clinic 2. Adult ADHD: Statistics and Facts - WebMD Gender Disparity: While more men are diagnosed with ADHD, women are often overlooked due to differences in symptoms presentation. 1. ADHD in Women - WebMD Comorbidities: ADHD often co-occurs with other mental health conditions, such as depression, anxiety, and substance abuse. 1. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Adults: What You Need to Know - National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) Impact on Work and Relationships: ADHD can significantly impact an adult's career, relationships, and overall quality of life. 1. Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder in Adults: What You Need to Know - National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) Treatment Effectiveness: Treatment, including medication and therapy, can be highly effective for managing ADHD symptoms and improving overall well-being. 1 1. Adult ADHD: Symptoms, Statistics, Causes, Types, and Treatments - WebMD Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney

It's hard to watch your child throw a fit. It can make you feel helpless. And leave you wondering what's really happening. Your child isn’t being bad. They’re overwhelmed. With a hijacked nervous system. This has a name. It ’s called PDA. This is P athological D emand A voidance. Another (better) name is P ersistent D rive for A utonomy. Here ’s the formula: Anxiety + Loss of Control = Avoidance. This is often confused for oppositional personality . But it is very different. Rather than trying to oppose something external, It’s a stress response to something inside. It’s a body trying to protect itself. Here’s what that looks like: Some kids don’t just resist. They panic. The ask feels like a trap, not a task. Their body goes into fight, flight, or freeze. They want to comply—but can’t. You say, “Put on your shoes.” They scream. They cry. They run. They collapse. It's not defiance. Not manipulation. Not a discipline problem. It ’s a nervous system in lockdown. The demand flips the switch. Even when they want to say yes. Adults do it too . They smile. They joke. They stall. They vanish. They say, “I’ll do it later.” Then avoid for days. Inside? Panic and pressure. A body trying to escape. They want to help. They want to connect. But the pressure flips a switch. Self-control becomes oxygen. Demands feel like suffocation. That’s why rewards don’t work. Consequences don’t either. They increase panic. They fuel power struggles. What works for kids? Options. Play . Low-pressure tone. Lots of choice. Say, “Want to race to the car?” Say, “What’s your plan for teeth?” Invite, don’t insist. Partner, don’t push. Same goes for couples. One partner asks. The other shuts down. Again. Not because they don’t care— but because the ask triggers panic. It lands as control, not connection. “I need you” can feel like “You must.” That’s why the "how" matters. Start with emotional safety. Use a low-stakes tone. Offer options, not ultimatums. Say, “Would now or later work better?” Say, “How can I support you on this?” Agree on code words. Pause when panic shows up. Make room for repair— not reaction. When couples shift the way they ask, they shift the entire dynamic. Wondering If This Fits You? PDA in adults can be hard to see from the inside. It often gets mislabeled as depression, avoidance, ADHD, even personality flaws. But there’s a screener built just for this. 👉 Take the Extreme Demand Avoidance Questionnaire for Adults (EDA-QA) It’s free, quick, and gives real insight into whether this profile might be part of your story. If the results hit home, you can talk to our PDA guru, Rachel Wheeler. With Rachel, there’s no shame. Just tools. Just safety. Just support that actually works. If meltdowns are daily… If shutdowns keep happening… If “lazy” doesn’t sit right… It’s not defiance. It ’s P ersistent D rive for A utonomy (PDA)! Reach out today and request Rachel. Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Rachel Wheeler Specialties PDA AuDHD, ADHD, Autism, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Neurodiverse Couples, Life Experience Parents a highly sensitive, neurodivergent child while unmasking her own PDA and AuDHD identity. She brings real-world empathy to families navigating both self-discovery and support. Navigates a neurodiverse marriage built on friendship, transformed by diagnosis and mutual understanding. Sixteen years in, Rachel and her partner have reshaped their relationship through clarity, accommodation, and compassion. Lived the cost of camouflaging—now helps others unlearn it safely. Rachel guides clients toward authenticity without sacrificing safety or identity. Grounds her therapy work in lived neurodivergence, not just education.Her insight comes from walking the same path as the people she supports. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #126649, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Rebecca Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners

Is this something you've ever wondered about yourself? Did this thought come up because of a comment made by your partner? Or maybe you started wondering this after noticing similarities between you your autistic child's behavior. Whatever the case may be, there are resources out there to help set you on a path of peace and better self-understanding. Autism Screening Tests 📝 Screening tests can be the first step on a path of discovery. They help to clarify our experiences and can indicate if we might be on the autism spectrum. They're useful for letting us know if a more detailed evaluation is worthwhile. Weighing Benefits and Limitations ⚖️ These tests can shine a light on various aspects of neurodiversity and help validate feelings of being different. They can be the nudge we need towards seeking support and finding communities that get us. But, they're not all-encompassing. They can't fully capture our experiences or conclusively answer whether someone is autistic. They're a tool, not the final word. Beware of Labels 🏷️ Labels can be incredibly useful. They can bring clarity, support, and a sense of belonging. However, within the dynamics of a relationship, they can be misused. An allistic partner might wield a diagnosis, not as a tool for understanding, but as a means to criticize or control. Please know that our counselors work hard to help you avoid this trap. It's crucial to approach labels with nuance. They should help us understand ourselves better and access support, not be used to limit us or by others to exert power. Remember, your identity is more than any label. Where to Go after the Screener? 🛤️ After completing a screener, you might consider three options: 1) The first option may be individual counseling . It's a confidential space to explore what your screener results might mean, learn how strengths can be harnessed and struggles can be addressed, and understand yourself better. 2) For couples , counseling offers insights into how these symptoms might be influencing your relationship dynamics, providing tools for healthier interactions. 3) Lastly, you may consider an in-depth assessment with one of our trained clinicians . Screeners, while informative, are never enough for a proper diagnosis, which requires the nuanced clinical judgment of a trained professional. Taking the First Step 👣 If you're curious about your relationship with autism and would like access to a variety of free screening tools, we invite you to visit out partner site: Adult Autism Assessment This could be a valuable step in your journey of self-discovery and our team would love to help guide you. Warmest regards, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? Take An ASD/ADHD Screener

Picture This: You and your partner have a cherished weekly tradition of visiting your favorite coffee shop. It’s a comforting ritual, a cornerstone of your weekend. ☕️ But this Saturday, you arrive to find it permanently closed. For the autistic partner, this sudden loss of a familiar space feels like a small catastrophe, throwing their day into disarray. Meanwhile, the allistic partner struggles to understand why they can't simply switch to another coffee shop among the many available. Today, we’re discussing the significant impact of routines and how the misinterpretation of resistance to change can lead to painful conflict in neurodiverse relationships. Whether it’s finding a new coffee spot or adjusting to bigger life changes, understanding and managing these shifts is crucial for maintaining a supportive and thriving partnership. ☕️ 🔄 The Power of Routine in Neurodiverse Relationships 🏡 👍 For many of us, especially in the neurodiverse community, routines are not just about comfort—they are essential. They provide a framework of predictability that reduces anxiety and manages sensory input. These routines foster a stable environment where both partners feel secure and supported, enabling daily life to be more manageable and less anxiety-inducing. Understanding Why Change Is Challenging for Autistic Individuals 🌪️ 🧠 To fully grasp the hurdles faced by autistic individuals during times of change, let's delve deeper into the specific challenges that can arise and explore how these can impact their daily experiences and interactions. Difficulty Understanding What's Coming Next 🤷♂️ ♂️ The uncertainty of what follows after a change can be particularly daunting for autistic individuals. This inability to anticipate the next steps can lead to significant anxiety as it disrupts the mental preparation that is typically relied upon to navigate the day. Establishing a predictable environment is crucial for reducing this anxiety, and when that predictability is lost, it can feel like navigating without a map. This sensation of being lost can make even the smallest changes seem insurmountable, heightening the resistance to altering routines. Difficulty When a Pattern of Behavior is Disrupted 🔄 Autistic individuals often rely heavily on established patterns and routines to manage daily life effectively. These routines provide a sense of order and understanding. When these patterns are disrupted, it can cause a ripple effect of stress and confusion, making it challenging to adapt to new situations. Sensory Issues 🌟 Changes can introduce unfamiliar sensory experiences that can be overwhelming and difficult to manage. For autistic individuals, sensory sensitivities are common, and unexpected sensory input can be particularly jarring, leading to sensory overload . This can include changes in lighting, noise levels, or even the introduction of new smells and textures. Struggling to Foresee the Future 🔮 Many autistic individuals find it challenging to visualize or plan for future scenarios, particularly when changes are involved. This difficulty with abstract thinking can make it harder to mentally prepare for or adapt to new situations as they arise. The inability to foresee the future can result in a reluctance to engage with new experiences, as the unknown becomes a source of significant anxiety and potential distress. Overwhelmed by Rapidly Changing Circumstances 🌪️ Rapid changes demand quick adaptations, which can be particularly overwhelming for those who process sensory and cognitive information in unique ways. The need to quickly switch strategies or routines without ample time to adjust can lead to a state of overwhelm and shutdown, where coping mechanisms may fail, and stress levels can escalate quickly. Difficulty Reading Social Cues 👥 Navigating social situations is often more challenging for autistic individuals, particularly during times of change when new and unfamiliar social cues may present. Difficulty in reading these cues can exacerbate the stress of social interactions and lead to misunderstandings or social anxiety. This can make socializing in new environments or with new people a significant challenge, as misreading cues or missing subtle social signals can lead to inappropriate responses or increased social isolation. Misinterpretations and Problematic Cycles 🔁 💔 In neurodiverse relationships, resistance to change is often misinterpreted as inflexibility or an unwillingness to compromise. This misunderstanding can spark a cycle of frustration and resentment, as neurotypical partners might see the resistance as a lack of effort or care. This can initiate a problematic cycle where one partner feels misunderstood and overwhelmed, while the other feels neglected or rejected. Breaking this cycle starts with recognizing and understanding these dynamics. Strategies for Managing Change Together 🗣️ 💬 Mastering Change Dialogues 💬 Mastering the art of communication forms the cornerstone of successfully managing change within any relationship. Diving into open, honest discussions about emotions, apprehensions, and the impacts of change can cultivate a nurturing environment. Regular, proactive conversations are vital, establishing a routine that anticipates needs rather than simply reacting to them . Creating a safe space where each person feels genuinely heard and validated can greatly alleviate the anxiety linked to changes, making the adjustment process smoother for everyone involved. Step-by-Step Adaptation 🐾 Implementing changes gradually is essential to ensure that transitions feel manageable rather than overwhelming. By introducing new routines or changes incrementally, both partners, particularly the autistic one, can adapt at a comfortable pace. This method allows for continuous monitoring and adjusting of the process, addressing any discomfort or challenges as they arise. Celebrating each small victory along the way can boost morale and visibly demonstrate the progress being made, reinforcing the positive aspects of these changes. Balancing Flexibility and Routine 🌿 ⏳ Embracing both flexibility and routine is essential for navigating the ever-changing landscape of life while maintaining a sense of stability. Cultivating a flexible mindset allows you to adapt to unforeseen circumstances and explore alternative outcomes, which can reduce the stress often associated with a strict adherence to initial plans. Simultaneously, maintaining certain routines provides a reliable structure that can anchor you amidst change, offering predictability and comfort. This dual approach not only diminishes pressure but also encourages a balanced, creative problem-solving process, potentially leading to more effective and satisfying outcomes. Enhancing Collaboration with a Counselor 🤝 Adding a counselor into your support network can be a transformative approach during periods of change, particularly when navigating complex dynamics within a relationship. Our counselors can play a crucial role by providing unbiased emotional support, understanding, and expert guidance. This external perspective not only brings fresh insights into the challenges at hand but also offers strategies and tools that the couple might not have considered. Click Here To Match With An Expert We will ensure that both partners feel heard and valued, strengthening your ability to collaboratively manage transitions. Here for You 💑 Navigating changes in neurodiverse relationships isn't straightforward, and it's okay to seek support. At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, we provide specialized assistance for couples facing these unique challenges. Whether you need guidance through transitions or help managing daily routines, our team is here to support your journey towards a stronger partnership. Together, let's transform the challenges of change into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a step towards a more understanding and resilient relationship. 💪🏽🌟 Warmest regards, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take an ASD/ADHD Screener

Ever feel like your partner is in their own private world, intensely fascinated by certain topics or hobbies? This intense focus is known as monotropism , and it's quite common among our neurodiverse friends! Is Monotropism a "Theory"? Yes! Unlike traditional views that pathologize autism as a disorder, monotropism theory suggests that autistic individuals possess a focused attention system , giving them the ability to concentrate intensely on a limited number of interests, thoughts, or activities at any given time. At t he Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , we embrace the beauty of these unique attention styles. Monotropism isn't just a trait - it can be a superpower that offers depth, passion, and consistency in neurodiverse relationships. Why Should This Matter to You? Understanding the role of monotropism in your relationship can revolutionize how you connect and communicate with your partner. Here are some ways that Monotropism can help your relationship thrive: - Depth of Knowledge: Embrace the profound insights and expertise your partner brings into your lives. - Passion and Dedication: Appreciate their unwavering commitment to what they love – maybe it's a hobby... or you! - Consistency and Reliability: Count on their steadfast focus where it counts. But let's be real— monotropism can also pose challenges in flexibility, communication, and emotional connectivity. Here's How Our Therapists Can Help You Overcome the Challenges: - Set Clear Boundaries: We guide partners in establishing when to dive deep into personal interests and when to prioritize shared activities or relationship duties. This includes building in transition time so a shift of focus is not abrupt. - Adapt Communication Strategies: We'll help you find new ways to communicate that respect each other's focus styles, improving your mutual understanding. - Avoid Demand Avoidance: We also take special care to address potential triggers for demand avoidance, working to create an environment that feels collaborative rather than coercive. - Foster Emotional Intimacy: We provide strategies that assist both partners in expressing their needs and feelings more effectively, deepening your emotional connection. - Enhance Appreciation: We help you see the unique advantages of your partner's focus as strengths in your relationship. Next Steps For Individuals: If all of this information has you reflecting on your own fascinations and whether or not you have a monotropic style of cognition, take our Monotropism Questionnaire . It's designed to uncover how you and your partner's focus styles mesh or clash, paving the way for tailored strategies that strengthen your bond. For Couples: Understanding the dual impact of monotropism—its advantages and challenges—can profoundly transform neurodiverse relationships. We are dedicated to guiding couples through understanding and adapting to these dynamics, fostering a supportive and empathetic relationship. Ready to deepen your connection and understanding? Click Here To Match With An Expert All the best, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take an ASD/ADHD Screener

Neurodiverse Sex Therapy I GNITING THE SPARK IN YOUR NEURODIVERSE RELATIONSHIP Sexual intimacy is an important part of a couple’s relationship. Yet, it can feel like an unsurmountable challenge for neurodiverse couples to overcome. To make matters worse, sex often becomes so emotionally loaded that the couple will make an unspoken agreement that the topic is off limits for discussion. So, it should not be surprising that one study showed that 50% of neurodiverse couples had no sexual activity at all. Fortunately, with outside help, there is hope! Addressing the barriers to a healthy sex life with an understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity can set a couple on path to revive their sex life or to start one that has never existed. Our work with couples usually covers the areas listed below. Please know that these topics are NOT listed in order of importance as issues impact each couple in very different ways. We work with the couple so that they define their own issues and set the priority for our focus in therapy. Let's work on Your Relationship Now! COMMON STRUGGLES IN NEURODIVERSE RELATIONSHIPS DESIRE IMBALANCE A sexual challenge for all couples (both neurotypical and neurodiverse) can be a mismatched libido. However, the struggle is especially pronounced for neurodiverse couples. This problem occurs when one person has a higher sex drive than his or her partner. This libido difference can stay relatively steady throughout a relationship or can vary depending on the changes in each partner's body and what is happening in their lives . The libido imbalance can be viewed similarly to other differences that a couple may have. Examples include different levels of desire for travel, reading, exercise, and other life activities. However, the negotiation around mismatched libidos may be more difficult to resolve because it often gets played out through non-verbal cues which may be difficult for the NT partner to pick up on. This unresolved libido imbalance can lead to tension and confusion about how often a couple will have sex. And not having this worked out can make the high desire partner feel sexually unwanted while the low desire partner feels pressured and overwhelmed. Because one’s sexuality can say so much about a person’s identity and the health of their relationship, working through these issues in the safety of therapy is often needed to break the sexual and communication logjam. The solutions that may be explored in therapy to address the couple's libido differences depend on the couple's unique situation but may include: clarification of sexual and non-sexual touch, scheduling sex (but not to the complete exclusion of spontaneous sex), experimenting with different frequencies or rhythms for sexual encounters, discussing how to initiate sex and taking turns doing so, practicing how to say “no” to sex without rejecting one’s partner, not pressuring one’s partner when receiving a “no,” and a commitment to rescheduling if a scheduled time doesn’t work out. Communicate more effectively Now! SENSORY ISSUES Studies show that 80% of partners with autism are hyper or hypo sensitive to sensations of sound, taste, sight, touch, smell or pressure. This will surely impact physical intimacy as couples approach each other for sexual contact. Many AS (autism spectrum) partners may become overwhelmed when they are being overstimulated. These sensations can create extreme levels of distress. In this state, the AS partner may lose the ability to explain what is happening, resulting in a meltdown and/or shut down. Thus, it is critical to talk about these issues when the couple is not in a stressful moment, such as in therapy. Also, a partner may feel shame in discussing these topics, like he or she is flawed and not worthy of being in a relationship. Accordingly, in therapy we are careful to approach the subject in a non-blaming or shaming way. By viewing the sensory challenges in the context of neurodiversity and by exploring workarounds together, a couple can begin to experiment with ways to create sensations that feel pleasurable for both partners. COMMUNICATION While communication in day-to-day situations can be a mix of verbal and nonverbal communication, when it comes to sexual activity, the non-verbal component increases exponentially. When non-verbal communication is lacking, sex can be experienced as mechanical, unfulfilling, frustrating and/or disconnected. We have found that AS (Autism Spectrum) and NT (Neurotypical) partners can bridge the non-verbal communication gap by slowing down the communication and being intentional about their needs and desires before, during, and after sex. In therapy we introduce take-home exercises that increase eye contact and make it OK to ask about body language if it is not understood. Additionally, the couple is invited to verbalize what may otherwise be spoken non-verbally. In other words, the couple is invited to substitute clear and direct communication for non-verbal language. Further, “code words” or “safety words” are established in therapy and can be used during sexual encounters to avoid painful triggers or boundary violations. Many couples feel greatly relieved by the addition of concrete language to their sex lives as it usually results in the ultimate satisfaction of long-neglected sexual wants and desires. EXPERIENCE LEVELS Many autistic partners have had difficulty connecting sexually with others in their lives before meeting their current partner. Delayed hormonal development during puberty may have been a contributing factor. Also, challenges in building friendships, a time-consuming special interest, or a fear around meeting new people may have limited the AS partner’s prior sexual experiences. Even worse, the autistic partner may have had negative sexual experiences that caused deep emotional wounds. As a result, the autistic partner may have a distorted view of the expectations of a romantic relationship, one that is based on movies and books rather than real-life experiences. Of course, all of the challenges could be equally true for the NT partner. In therapy, we may suggest individual sessions to explore a partner’s sexual history to begin healing wounds that may have occurred in the past. And when the couple is ready, these issues can be addressed in couples therapy where the couple heals together and jointly creates clear and realistic sexual expectations based on a deeper understanding of each other. THINGS TO CONSIDER DEFINE SEX We also work with couples to consider how narrow or broad their view of sex is. For example, the AS (Autism Spectrum) partner may focus exclusively on sexual intercourse while the NT (Neurotypical) partner has a more expansive view of sexual connection; whereby sex may include a touch on the shoulder after dinner, flirting during the day, a provocative text, foreplay, and spending time in the bed talking after sexual intercourse. Furthermore, neurodiversity may impact gender identification and sexual preferences in nuanced ways that should be discussed with great care. Exploring each partner's view of sex within the safe confines of therapy can help the couple understand each other in new ways, reset expectations, and create an openness to new ways to sexually connect. ENTHUSIASTIC CONSENT Sexual enjoyment will rapidly decrease if one partner does not want to be there. An AS partner, especially a AS female, may struggle with saying “no” to sex if she feels overwhelmed by the sensory input of the sexual experience. Furthermore, an AS partner may view sex as a “task to be performed” and not appreciate the bonding opportunity or not understand why the reluctant partner is saying "no." In therapy, we work hard to make room for both partners to express what they are experiencing and to create an atmosphere where sex only takes place when both partners enthusiastically consent. YOU VS. ME Because it may not be natural for the AS partner to put him or herself in his partner’s shoes, it may be easy for him to focus on his own needs and neglect his partner’s needs. However, if this issue is brought to the forefront without criticism, the AS partner may be willing to go to great lengths to please his partner. In therapy, we will create opportunities to shift focus from self to the partner and do so in a loving way. EMOTIONAL INTIMACY A relationship struggling with misunderstanding, frustration, anger, and disappointment in non-sexual areas will often find sex unfulfilling. Usually, one’s body will involuntarily shut down if there is little or no emotional connection. For this reason, in therapy, we work first to reestablish emotional safety before exploring sexual reconnection. YOUR BODY It is important to understand that there are two categories of issues that arise in sex therapy: Sexualized Issue: This is a non-sex related issue that shows up in the bedroom. Most of the issues listed above are good examples of a problem that is rooted in emotions or thinking that is impacting sex. Physical Sex issue: We will talk to you about physical issues such as vulvodynia or impotence due to radiation for prostate cancer. We will then recommend that you seek out a medical specialist for a full evaluation. Then we will work in tandem with the medical specialist to find ways to have the best sex life possible given the medical condition. Doing so, helps reduce the shame and blame that usually accompany having a medical issue that impacts one's sexual relationship. PRACTICAL STEPS Here are some of the practical steps that are introduced in therapy that may help neurodiverse couples: Agree on what non-sexual touch is and is not, and be clear about what communication is needed to go beyond non-sexual touch. Practice phrases to express sexual likes and dislikes. Practice asking your partner what he or she likes. Practice using a 1 to 10 scale to communicate the level of sensations and how much you like something. Negotiate a schedule for sex with a beginning and end time. Learn how your partner likes to be approached for sex. Practice how to say “no” when approached for sex. Agree that the sex does not end immediately after intercourse. Discuss what each person would like to have happen during sex. Break it down step by step. Talk about what happens when someone wants to explore something new or different. Discuss boundaries and what is off-limits. Find code or safety words if either partner feels a boundary is crossed, sensations are being over-stimulated, if a partner is feeling overwhelmed, or if consent is being withdrawn. Practice using the code words. Have all of the discussions listed above when not engaged sexually and when both partners are focused on the conversation with little or no distracting sensory input. Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Additional Support Options: Sex Addiction NEW PATH SEX ADDICTION THERAPY While not exclusive to neurodiverse couples, compulsive sexual behavior or the impact of betrayal can add another layer of complexity to an already challenging relationship dynamic. If this is part of your experience, our partner site offers specialized support for individuals and couples navigating sex addiction, betrayal trauma, and related concerns. Rather than placing you in a one-size-fits-all program, we use an integrated therapy model that brings together individual therapists, couples specialists, and partner support coordinators to address every layer of your situation. You can learn more here if this resonates with what you’re going through. New Path Sex Addiction