Learn why an ASD diagnosis may or may not be helpful and how an adult assessment for Austism Spectrum Disorder is conducted. ASSESSMENT & DIAGNOSIS Instead of seeing behaviors as hurtful or intentional, a diagnosis can help reframe them as simply different ways of experiencing the world. That shift can be a game-changer for couples. If you're considering a comprehensive autism assessment, please visit our companion site, Adult Autism Assessments (AAA). Our assessment specialists at AAA are part of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center and have advanced training in in-depth autism evaluations. They would be glad to offer a free consult to explore the pros and cons of a in-depth assessment. Go to the Adult Autism Assesment Center Here are key pages on the Adult Autism Assessments site to find out more: Services Overview (including pricing) Screening Tests (at no cost) ASD Assessment ADHD Assessment Dual Assessment (ADHD & ASD) Sensory Assessment Alexithymia Assessment Demand Avoidance Assessment

Understand why you run out of energy so you can begin to make change. EMOTIONAL SUPPORT FOR NEUROTYPICAL Defense Mode Why people with Asperger's seem stuck & shutdown so often "Everyone is always doing as well as they can within their personal limitations, their personal history, what they know and don't know and what they're feeling in that moment. If they could make a healthier decision, they would. This includes you." - Carl Alasko, PhD. Not Now, Grandma! Imagine a young soldier crouching behind a rocky outcropping. Bullets are flying overhead and explosions are booming in the distance. She feels trapped. Beneath her mud splattered military fatigues, her arms are trembling with fear and exhaustion. At that very moment, the soldier's elderly grandmother comes hobbling out onto the battlefield. Moving slowly but with purpose the soldier's grandmother walks right up to her granddaughter's hiding spot and says, "Today is the day. It's time for you to learn how to knit! Don't you worry, dear, I've cleared my entire schedule for our appointment today. After all, knitting is such an important life skill and it's time that you learned it!" How do you imagine our soldier is going to react in that moment? She's probably going to yell at her grandmother and tell her to go away, which is perfectly understandable. In that moment, the soldier is already physically, mentally, and emotionally overwhelmed. But how do you imagine grandma is going to react? Well, she's going to feel hurt. She might even get angry and start yelling in return. After all, she is here out of the goodness of her heart to teach her granddaughter how to knit! Usually when you do something nice for someone, the last thing you expect is to get yelled at. The problem here is that for some reason grandma can't see what's going on. Maybe she forgot her glasses back at home or something, but whatever the reason, grandma seems to be completely oblivious to the fact that her granddaughter is standing in the middle of a firefight. But for argument's sake, let's imagine that grandma decides to continue with her knitting lesson anyway. She pulls out the yarn and starts to demonstrate the proper techniques. Well, even if grandma is a very skilled teacher, how effective do you imagine her teaching can really be in that moment? Is the soldier capable of devoting mental and emotional resources to learning and practicing this new skill? Is the soldier likely to remember or internalize anything her grandma is saying to her? Probably not. What Is Defense Mode? This metaphor is an excellent illustration of what we hear at Asperger Experts call Defense Mode. We define Defense Mode as a state of overwhelm in which someone with Asperger's is scared, frustrated, or angry, as well as shut down and withdrawn. When you're in Defense Mode, everything is harder because you're constantly trying to protect yourself from the overwhelming stress of both real and imagined threats that constantly surround you. It could be that five-page English essay, or the long commute home from work where some jerk cuts you off in traffic. It could be sensory issues like an itchy shirt tag or lights that are too bright. You can even get stressed out just from your own thoughts and beliefs, such as a belief that you're bad at math, so why bother studying? You might assume that your parents are tyrants who are trying to manipulate you whenever they ask you to help out with some household chores. In Defense Mode, the world feels like a scary and threatening place. Much like the soldier who is hovering at the edge of fight or flight, a person in Defense Mode is much more likely to interpret a kindhearted invitation to learn knitting as a threatening attack. Thus, when dad comes into the kitchen and says, "Hey, you know the rules, no ice cream for breakfast, what if we have scrambled eggs instead?" This triggers a full on meltdown because that wasn't a casual invitation to eat a healthier breakfast. That was obviously a personal attack! It feels like dad is an angry drill Sergeant rather than a supportive parent. Whenever the stress and overwhelm gets to be too much, Defense Mode will always manifest in one of three ways: fight, flight, or freeze. The person in Defense Mode might get angry and start yelling or they might try to run away, perhaps by escaping into video games or some other distraction. Or, they might shut down as they keep mumbling "I don't know", in response to all of mom's questions, perhaps in the hope that she'll eventually stop the interrogating and leave. How The Nervous System Responds (AKA "The Science-y Bit") Defense Mode is based primarily in your sympathetic nervous system, which is basically your body's version of the panic button. The sympathetic system is your stress response. On the flip side, we have the parasympathetic system. This is known as the rest and digest system. Basically, this is the system that's engaged when everything is cool and calm and there's nothing to worry about. When you are in the parasympathetic system, the job of the nervous system is to just keep everything running smoothly. There's no need to hit the panic button right now. Now, before we go any further, a quick disclaimer: Neuroscience is incredibly complicated. I mean, do you have any idea how many different brain areas and processes are involved just for you to be able to see the color red? So when it comes to neuroscience here, I'm going to explain things simply so simply that it's almost wrong. So if you're a professional reading this and you're thinking, "Oh, well, that's not quite exactly how..." I know, trust me, I understand. My goal here in this article is just to illustrate an idea. So with that said, we now resume our regularly scheduled program. Okay, so we've got two systems, right? Sympathetic is the stress response. Parasympathetic is rest and digest. Now, while these two systems appear to be somewhat diametrically opposed and to some extent they are, they don't necessarily function and interact that way in terms of being like a light switch where it's black and white, all or nothing. Emotional Resource Theory We've all had lots of experience living in that gray scale space somewhere in between where you're not a hundred percent calm, but you're also not stressed to the max, which is a good thing. It makes sense that you should have a more extreme stress response when you're confronted with a hungry lion versus a long homework assignment. Simply put, there are different levels or intensities of your stress response. Put another way, there are different levels of Defense Mode. We call this Emotional Resource Theory and we've divided this spectrum of stress between the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems into four general categories: Day to day, each of us falls somewhere along this continuum depending on the amount of emotional resources we happen to have available. It may help to think of this in terms of money. Let's imagine being in the Nope state is like being deep in debt. I'm talking like hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt. At the same time, your income is so small that you can't even keep up with the monthly accruing interest, much less paying down the principal. As a result, you'll probably stay stuck here drowning in emotional debt indefinitely unless you receive some sort of outside assistance or intervention. In terms of emotional capacity, this is like the guy who spends 16 hours a day playing video games in his parents' basement. No job, no school. I mean even the thought of trying to get a job or enroll in school is completely overwhelming. They rarely go outside and if left to their own devices and provided sufficient food, water and WIFI, they would probably stay there on that couch forever. Every day they feel exhausted, frustrated and overwhelmed. The smallest little stressors can trigger intense feelings of fear, anger, and even hopelessness. Defense Mode is a step above that. In stereotypical Defense Mode you're still somewhat in debt, but it's not deep enough to the point that you feel the need to shut down completely and just "nope" out of life. You might still be able to handle school or hold down a job, but barely. Stress, anger and fear is still your default setting most of the time. Meltdowns are still happening on a fairly regular basis and it usually only requires a small to moderate amount of stress to send you off the deep end. Functional is like the money version of living paycheck to paycheck. You're finally out of debt, thank goodness. But there is absolutely no wiggle room between your income and your expenses. You managed to get through most days without too much overwhelm and meltdowns are pretty rare, but since your emotional savings account is basically at zero, any major unexpected stressors will instantly upset that delicate balance you've achieved sending you spiraling back down into a state of Defense Mode. At that point, you have to begin a new, the slow process of digging yourself out of emotional debt in order to get back to a functional state. Additionally, since you're living paycheck to paycheck, you rarely have any extra capacity or resources left over to give to others. You might even feel resentment towards people that ask for your help in the first place. Why can't they just fend for themselves? After all, you're barely keeping your own head above water, so how can you even begin to think about someone else's needs? Thriving is when your income finally exceeds your expenses. It is a state of abundance in which you have plenty of savings in the bank. You still experience stress in life as we all do, but now you have tons of capacity to handle it. You rarely, if ever, get overwhelmed to the, of shutting down or losing your temper. In fact, since you have plenty of emotional resources to spare, you're more than happy to give what you can to help others. When you see someone close to you that might need some help or a listening ear, you're happy to go out of your way to sit with them and support them. You're capable of holding space for their anger and their anxiety without becoming angry or anxious yourself. Most of the time it feels like stress comes and goes very quickly for you, like water off a duck's back and you're able to respond to challenging situations with empathy and calm level headed understanding. (Sidenote: If you'd like to go deeper and understand the biological basis for Defense Mode, read this article on the vagus nerve and why being in Defense Mode and overwhelmed isn't a moral failing.) Getting Out Of Defense Mode Here are 2 small but powerful habits that you can start putting into action right away in order to help yourself or someone else get out of Defense Mode. Now, this is not an exhaustive list and we cover a lot more in-depth techniques in our books & courses, but these are the foundational pieces in which all the rest of the techniques rely on. Number one is decompression time. Have you ever noticed how you tend to feel more cranky or despondent when you're tired and you've had a long day? We tend to go into Defense Mode more when our emotional resources are low, so they need to be replenished in order to come back out of defense mode. Taking time, even just a few minutes away from the business of life to decompress and do some strategic self care is one of the best things you or your child can do to reduce overwhelm and increase your capacity to handle stress. More on handling stress and decompressing here. Number two is about building trust . In a close, healthy, parent child relationship, trust forms the bedrock of safety and effective cooperation. Once sufficient trust is present, Defense Mode naturally starts to disappear, and conversations tend to happen smoothly and easily. On the other hand, when a feeling of trust and safety is absent between you and your child, then the intention behind everything you do or say is suspect. So even the simplest of conversations can quickly spiral down into conflict. There are 4 pillars to building trust, and we discuss them here. We hope this explanation has been helpful to understanding a bit more of why your child might be shut down & overwhelmed. If you'd like to learn more, we have a lot more to teach you in our courses & books. We'd also love to hear from you in the comments section below. We're here to answer any questions we can.

We are a group of therapists and coaches DEDICATED to supporting neurodiverse couples. Serving neurodiverse couples. Building bridges for autistic partner and neurotypical spouse. The World's Largest Neuro-Informed therapy service. 100% Online. 8e74e1_540038cb57aa4ae3843a4c6f04f414c7~mv2_edited Inna Kuchmenko (1)-newgall Danielle Grossman_edited Nancy Rushing copy )-newgall2 Lea Choi_edited_edited IMG_0408_edited Tamala Takahashi Help us match you to the right therapist Get Matched Now Sign up to receive weekly tips, tools and cutting edge info Submit Got it. Look for your newsletter soon! Take an Autism or ADHD Test Schedule a Free Consult Now For Couples Couples Communication Sex Parenting Retreats Discernment For Individuals Autistic Men Autistic Women ADHD Women AuDHD Cassandra Highly Sensitive People (HSP) Twice Exceptional Children

Thanks for completing our form! You will receive a therapist match within 24 hours. What happens next? We will carefully review your info. Our client care coordinator will send you an email with the name of your matched therapist. You’ll then schedule a free online consultation—or, if you prefer, you can book it yourself any time. Who will my therapist be? Your therapist will be one of our neurodiversity specialists. If you requested someone specific, we'll try our best to match you with them! What if I don't like the therapist matched to me? Just ask our client care coordinator to be matched to a different therapist. We are glad to work with you till you find the right fit. How much do sessions cost? Fees range from $150 to $400 per session depending on the therapist's experience & qualifications. We will help you find the right fit in your price range. Do you accept insurance? We are insurance-friendly. As an out-of-network provider, we will send you a Superbill for therapy services that you can submit to your insurance company for potential reimbursement. What if I need help or have more questions? Our client care coordinator, Cassie Clayton , would be happy to assist you. Email : clientcare@newpathfamily.com Text or Call: (408) 475-2746‬ Click Here for more info!

Therapy for Parents of Neurodiverse children. Helping exceptional parents with exceptional kids! NEURODIVERSE PARENTING < Back HELPING YOUR CHILD THRIVE Most parents are willing to sacrifice almost anything to see your child happy, independent, and productive. We see parents bend over backwards to support their children. If you are using the wrong approach for them or if mom and dad are not on the same page, everyone in the family can quickly become exhausted and discouraged. You may even start to wonder if you are doing something wrong and making things more difficult. No matter how much you are putting into advocating for and supporting your child, it rarely feels like it is enough. Difficult social situations for your child break your heart. The frustrations spread… Show More

Support for male partners on the spectrum who want to work on their relationships and stay true to themselves. AUTISTIC MEN < Back FROM SHAME TO ACCEPTANCE “Normal is an ideal. But it’s not reality.Reality is brutal, it’s beautiful, it’s every shade between black and white, and it’s magical. Yes, magical. Because every now and then, it turns nothing into something.” ― Tara Kelly, Harmonic Feedback FIRST PRIORITY Our first priority is to be able to see the beauty of our differences . This journey may require rethinking a life of experiencing negative messages from society. This rethinking process must operate in the background of all the more tactical work that is done as it is critical to be able to show up in a way that is less defensive and more whole. SECOND PRIORITY Once this primary… Show More

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Communication Guide for Neurodiverse Couples. Learn to listen and talk with less frustration and more hope! NEURODIVERSE COMMUNICATION < Back SPEAKING DIFFERENT LANGUAGES? Why do we feel like we are speaking different languages when we try to talk to each other? Do your partner's words sound like "blah blah blah...", where you are not really hearing each other? What hijacks our ability to communicate effectively? Do your conversations sound like: Tammy: Look at me when I talk to you. Tim: I am trying to but you're not making any sense. You said to walk the dog as soon as I felt like it. I never felt like it. Tammy: You know that the dog needs a walk every day. Tim: But you never said that. Tammy: I've said that… Show More

Sex Therapy for Neurodiverse couples who are struggling to connect and want to learn how to increase intimacy in a safe, affirming environment. NEURODIVERSE SEX THERAPY < Back IGNITING THE SPARK IN YOUR NEURODIVERSE RELATIONSHIP Sexual intimacy is an important part of a couple’s relationship. Yet, it can feel like an unsurmountable challenge for neurodiverse couples to overcome. To make matters worse, sex often becomes so emotionally loaded that the couple will make an unspoken agreement that the topic is off limits for discussion. So, it should not be surprising that one study showed that 50% of neurodiverse couples had no sexual activity at all. Fortunately, with outside help, there is hope! Addressing the barriers to a healthy sex life with an understanding and acceptance of neurodiversity can set a couple on path to revive their sex life or… Show More

Our experienced therapists are dedicated to supporting seniors who are on the autism spectrum and are here to provide you with guidance and affirming support. SENIORS & AUTISM < Back UNDERSTANDING AUTISM IN SENIORS We specialize in providing compassionate therapy services for individuals with neurodiverse conditions, including autism. Our experienced therapists are dedicated to supporting seniors who are on the autism spectrum, acknowledging the unique challenges they may face. In this section, we will explore the symptoms of autism in seniors, how it can impact their relationships, and how psychotherapy can be a valuable resource.

Our therapists understand the unique struggles faced by those navigating cancer and neurodiversity. We are here to help you thrive and find happiness in your daily life. AUTISM & CANCER < Back AUTISM & CANCER SUPPORTING THOSE WITH AUTISM & CANCER Cancer can be a tremendous challenge for anyone. Yet, if you are autistic, you may face unique difficulties in dealing with the physical and emotional aspects of cancer. And, thus you deserve specialized support.

Special therapy and support for ADHD women. No more feeling misunderstood. We'd love to help! ADHD WOMEN < Back THE OVERLOOKED SYMPTOMS OF AHDH IN WOMEN Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) affects people of all genders and ages, but the symptoms in adult women often go unrecognized or misdiagnosed. This is due to a lack of understanding about how ADHD manifests in women and the assumption that it only affects boys and men. The symptoms of ADHD in women can include forgetfulness, distractibility, disorganization, impulsivity, and emotional dysregulation. Women with ADHD are often labeled as “scatter-brained” or “flaky,” but these symptoms can have a significant impact on their daily lives and relationships. UNDERSTANDING ADHD SYMPTOMS IN WOMEN AND CELEBRATING THEIR STRENGTHS It is important to note that ADHD is not just… Show More

Art therapy can be a great option for neurodiverse individuals and our team of therapists are experienced in using art to promote self-expression and communication. AUTISM & ART THERAPY < Back WELCOME TO OUR ART THERAPY JOURNEY FOR AUTISTIC ADULTS Hello and welcome from Colleen Kahn and Stephen Robertson ! We are a pair of art therapists who specialize in neurodiversity, with a particular focus on autism. Our passion lies in the beautiful intersection of art and therapy , a space where expression knows no bounds and every stroke of a brush tells a story. We believe in the transformative power of art therapy to support autistic adults in their journey toward self-expression, communication, and emotional well-being. THE HEART OF ART THERAPY Art therapy is more than just creating art; it's a therapeutic process that facilitates self-exploration, understanding, and growth. For autistic adults, it offers a… Show More

We provide expert, caring support for women on the autism spectrum looking to grow or better understand themselves. AUTISTIC WOMEN < Back WOMAN ON THE SPECTRUM? WE SEE YOU. If you are an adult woman who thinks you may be on the spectrum, we are so glad you are here. You have probably been overlooked and under-supported for years and maybe even decades. You may be struggling in your relationship but not know how to fix it. Sadly, feelings of being defective, lonely, confused and helpless may be all too common. Please don't despair. There is hope! On this web page, we will try to cover the basics of women on the spectrum but we invite you to connect with one of our neurodiversity specialists who would be honored to help you.