Well, you're not alone. In fact, most neurodiverse couples start out working really hard at being "GOOD" for each other. The "being good" cycle starts when the neurodivergent partner masks his natural behavior in order to satisfy his neurotypical partner. Let's say the neurotypical partner pleads: " Give me more affection. " The neurodiverse partner then tries to muster up the energy to show more affection. Meanwhile, they tell their partner: " Stop nagging me. " So, the neurotypical partner holds everything in and stops sharing her needs. This usually works for a while, till it doesn't. That's when everything falls apart. Unfortunately , forcing good behavior masks the deeper differences between both partners . With this dynamic, couples feel misunderstood, exhausted and lonely. After trying so hard to be good, you may wonder, "Does my partner value me just the way I am?" If you focus all your energy on being "good", resentment builds and you won't feel loved for JUST BEING YOU. Rather than trying harder, acceptance should be the first goal. Acceptance is way beyond working on love languages or communication skills. These are essential skills, but they come AFTER feeling accepted. In neurodiverse couples counseling, we explore differences in strength-based, non-shaming ways. This leads to more understanding and acceptance. The fortunate paradox is that, once you feel accepted, it is massively easier to change in ways that meet your partner's needs. You just need a neuro-informed couples specialist to help you shift from "trying so hard to be good" to true acceptance. Click Here To Match With An Expert We'll be here when you're ready. All the best, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

HSP for Couples TIP: Want answers fast? Check out our 📄 Quick Guide on HSP for Couples to access key facts, FAQs , and why you should choose us. Understanding the Highly Sensitive Person for couples. Do you often feel overwhelmed by loud noises, bright lights, or strong smells? Maybe you’ve been told you’re "too sensitive" or that you need to toughen up. If this sounds familiar, you might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). This trait, found in 15-20% of the population, describes individuals whose nervous systems are wired to process sensory input more deeply. Being an HSP is not a disorder —you won’t find it in the DSM. However, it plays a significant role in how people experience the world. Understanding this trait can transform relationships, helping couples and individuals navigate its challenges and embrace its unique strengths. Not sure where to start? Our free questionnaire was designed to help you understand your level of sensitivity and emotional/sensory responsiveness. It measures four key traits commonly associated with high sensitivity: Depth of Processing, Overstimulation, Emotional Reactivity, and Sensitivity to Subtleties. Take the HSP Questionnaire What is HSP? H ighly Sensitive People possess a blend of qualities that make their experiences in the world different, including: Depth of Processing HSPs process all types of information more deeply than others. They are more reflective, often taking longer to make decisions because of their detailed thought process. This depth of processing includes both conscious analysis of conversations and unconscious gut feelings. Overarousability HSPs notice more than others in any given situation—be it emotions, noise levels, or even subtle smells. This hyper-awareness is advantageous but can also lead to overarousal and stress, especially in overwhelming environments. Emotional Intensity HSPs feel emotions intensely, both positive and negative. This heightened emotional responsiveness makes them empathetic, as they are more attuned to others' feelings. Sensory Sensitivity HSPs are highly sensitive to subtle environmental stimuli, which can help them notice potential dangers but also makes them more vulnerable to discomfort from loud noises, bright lights, or even certain foods. Risk Evaluation HSPs are excellent strategists and tend to plan ahead, carefully evaluating risks before acting. Their sensitivity tempers impulsive behavior, making them cautious adventurers Helping Couples Understand HSP For neurodiverse couples, where one partner may be autistic or have ADHD, integrating an HSP trait into the relationship adds complexity but also depth. Here’s how this dynamic can show up: Sensory Overload : HSPs can find environments or experiences that seem neutral to their partner overwhelming. Whether it’s a noisy event or an emotionally charged conversation, the HSP partner may need more downtime or a change in surroundings to cope with the overload. Their non-HSP partner, however, may not experience the same level of intensity and can feel frustrated or confused by the HSP’s reactions. Counseling can help each partner understand and respect the other’s sensory needs, finding a balance between stimulation and calm. Emotional Processing : HSPs are deeply sensitive to emotional shifts in a relationship. A tone of voice, a word choice, or even an expression can trigger strong emotions. In neurodiverse couples, this sensitivity can clash with a more direct or less emotionally expressive partner, like someone on the autism spectrum, who may be less attuned to these subtle cues. This can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Therapy can help bridge this gap, fostering communication that supports both the HSP’s need for emotional nuance and the non-HSP partner’s need for straightforward conversation. Conflict Resolution : Because HSPs feel emotions so deeply, conflict in the relationship can feel especially overwhelming. They may take longer to recover after arguments, need more reassurance, or even avoid conflict altogether to prevent emotional overload. This avoidance, however, can lead to unresolved issues. Neurodiverse couples therapy can provide tools for managing conflict in a way that doesn’t overwhelm the HSP, while also giving the non-HSP partner the space they need to express their thoughts more clearly. Building Empathy : On the flip side, the depth of feeling that HSPs bring to a relationship can foster a strong sense of empathy and emotional connection. Their sensitivity allows them to pick up on their partner’s needs, even if unspoken, which can create a more supportive and nurturing bond. Couples therapy can help partners use these strengths to their advantage, deepening their connection while also addressing the challenges that come with HSP traits. By creating a space where both partners’ needs are understood and respected, counseling can help neurodiverse couples find a new balance in their relationship. HSP Overlaps with Other Neurodiversities HSP traits can overlap with aspects of other neurodiverse conditions such as autism or ADHD. For example: Autism : Both HSPs and autistic individuals can experience sensory sensitivities, though for different reasons. Autistic individuals may struggle with processing sensory stimuli, while HSPs tend to process stimuli more deeply on an emotional level. ADHD : HSPs may experience a similar sense of overwhelm in busy environments as someone with ADHD, but where ADHD might be characterized by difficulty focusing, HSPs are often over-focused on emotional and sensory details. Exploring these overlaps in therapy can help neurodiverse individuals and couples find ways to better understand each other and work together. Is Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) a Disorder? Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), the trait underlying HSP, is not a disorder but rather a natural variation in how the nervous system processes sensory information. While it can coexist with conditions like autism or ADHD, it is distinct in important ways: Empathy and Social Sensitivity : SPS involves high levels of empathy and responsiveness to social stimuli, traits that are often absent in conditions like high-functioning autism. This makes SPS more about deep social and emotional engagement rather than social difficulty. Attention Span : Although HSPs may be misdiagnosed with ADHD, they tend to have good concentration in quiet, calm environments. ADHD typically presents with a more consistent challenge in maintaining attention, regardless of the setting. Despite the challenges of overstimulation and emotional intensity, SPS offers a range of advantages, including heightened intuition, creativity, and empathy. For some, however, the trait can lead to vulnerabilities, such as anxiety or depression, particularly if they feel misunderstood or isolated. Therapy can provide valuable psychoeducational support, helping HSPs navigate these challenges while embracing their sensitivity as a strength. We're here to answer questions! Understand Your Sensory Sensitivity: Get Expert Guidance with Our Sensory Assessment If you’re wondering whether your sensitivity might be part of a broader sensory processing pattern, you may benefit from taking the Sensory Processing Measure, Second Edition (SPM-2) . The SPM-2 is a widely recognized tool used to assess how individuals process sensory information in various environments, such as at home, work, or in social situations. What is the SPM-2? The SPM-2 measures different aspects of sensory processing, including how people respond to visual, auditory, tactile, and other sensory stimuli. It can help identify specific areas where a person may struggle with sensory integration, such as difficulty filtering out background noise or heightened sensitivity to touch. How Does It Relate to HSP? While the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait is not the same as sensory processing disorder (SPD) or other sensory challenges, there are overlapping characteristics. Both HSPs and individuals with sensory processing challenges may: Experience overstimulation in busy or noisy environments Feel overwhelmed by certain textures, sounds, or bright lights Require more downtime or space after social interactions However, HSP focuses more on emotional and social sensitivity , along with a deeper level of processing information, whereas sensory processing disorders tend to be more about how the brain interprets sensory input from the environment. How Can the SPM-2 Help? For individuals who are uncertain if their experiences stem from sensory processing difficulties or their HSP trait , the SPM-2 provides valuable insight. Under the guidance of our trained clinicians, this assessment can: Clarify if sensory sensitivities are part of a more significant sensory processing challenge Identify areas where targeted support might reduce overstimulation and stress Guide therapy to address both the emotional and sensory aspects of sensitivity, creating a more holistic treatment approach Schedule Your SPM-2 Assessment Today At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, our clinicians are experienced in using the SPM-2 to help individuals understand their sensory profiles. If you’re interested in exploring how sensory processing might be influencing your experience, we invite you to take this assessment as part of your therapeutic journey. Contact us to schedule an SPM-2 assessment with one of our expert clinicians and start gaining deeper insight into your sensory and emotional world. Contact Us Today! 5 Great Books on HSP The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron - The essential guide to understanding HSP traits and learning how to embrace them. Learn more The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine Aron - A must-read for HSPs navigating love and relationships. Learn more The Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Orloff - Practical strategies for managing emotions and boundaries as an HSP or empath. Learn more Quiet by Susan Cain - An exploration of introverts, many of whom share HSP traits, and how to thrive in a noisy world. Learn more The Highly Sensitive Parent by Elaine Aron - For HSPs who are navigating the joys and challenges of parenthood. Learn more Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Most people diagnosed with ADHD as youngsters are told it's bad, and they're made to feel broken and need to be fixed. These same people grow into adults, thinking they are flawed and scatterbrained; this couldn't be further from the truth. There are many benefits of ADHD, and I think of people diagnosed with ADHD as having superpowers! 1. You're More Creative People with ADHD are often more creative than their non-ADHD colleagues. This is because they can see the world differently and easily live, work, and play outside the box! This creativity can be expressed in many different ways, such as through art, music, writing, or even how they approach problems. ADHD is considered part of the Neurodiversity Spectrum, meaning that people living with ADHD have a different brain wiring than neurotypical people. People with ADHD often have what's known as "divergent thinking." This means they see things from multiple perspectives and develop original solutions to problems. This is a valuable skill in any environment; however, it is advantageous in fields that require creativity, such as advertising, marketing, and design. 2. You're More Spontaneous ADHDers are spur-of-the-moment people. This means they're always up for trying new things and going on new adventures. Some people say that "spontaneity is the spice of life," and that's certainly true for people with ADHD! Think about all the positive opportunities that come with being spontaneous: You get to try new things, you are never bored, and you always have an exciting story to tell. Some of the best storytellers I know have ADHD; they embellish a story to make it relatable and entertaining. 3. You have Better Focus Despite what most people think, some people with ADHD have outstanding focus skills. When they're interested in something, they can tune out all distractions and zero in on the task at hand. Just imagine the ability subscribe to a level of hyperfocus on something you're passionate about! This focus can lead to high productivity and success in school, life, and work. Adults with ADHD often find careers in fields that require this type of laser focus, such as surgeons, athletes, and pilots. 4. You're More Energetic People with ADHD are known for having boundless energy. They're often described as "little balls of energy" or "human dynamos." And while this may seem like a negative trait, it's a huge benefit! That's because people with ADHD often have higher dopamine levels, a neurotransmitter responsible for arousal and pleasure. This increased level of dopamine can lead to higher levels of energy. And while this can be a downside at times (e.g., it can make it hard to focus or sleep), it also has its benefits. For instance, this high energy can be channeled into creative endeavors, physical activity, or other outlets. It's also one of the things that makes people with ADHD such great leaders. When you have the energy to take charge and get things done, other people naturally want to follow your lead. 5. You're More Resilient People with ADHD are used to being told that they can't do something or that they'll never amount to anything. As a result, they've become quite resilient and refuse to give up even when the going gets tough. For example, someone with ADHD might be told they're not smart enough to attend college. But instead of accepting this, they'll work twice as hard to get into the school of their choice and prove everyone wrong. Possessing resilience is a skill that can be beneficial in all areas of life. For instance, if you're resilient at work, you're more likely to get promoted because you're not afraid of challenging tasks. If you're resilient in your personal life, you're more likely to maintain healthy relationships because you don't give up when things get difficult. 6. You Live in the Moment ADHDers are present-oriented people. This means they don't dwell on the past or worry too much about the future. Parents of children with ADHD are often told to "enjoy these years because they'll be gone before you know it." And while this may seem like a cliche, it's true! People diagnosed with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder tend to have a "live for today" mentality. They're not as concerned with what happened yesterday or what might happen tomorrow. Instead, they're focused on the here and now and making the most of every moment. 7. You're a Risk Taker Individuals with ADHD are also known for being risk takers. They're not afraid to try new things, take chances, or even dance alone on the dance floor! And while this can sometimes get them into trouble, it also leads to new opportunities and experiences. Risk-taking can lead to some amazing experiences, both good and bad. But overall, it's a trait that allows people with ADHD to live life to the fullest. Research shows that in the book "Five Regrets of the Dying," by Bonnie Ware, a palliative care nurse who spent the last twelve weeks of many people's lives with them as they lay dying; people are not sad about the things they did, but about the things they didn't do. So if you have ADHD and are feeling a little daring, go out and take some risks! No regrets!! 8. You're More Passionate ADHDers are passionate people who are not afraid to feel things deeply or show their emotions. And while this can sometimes be a downside (e.g., they might get too wrapped up in their work or a relationship), it's also a significant strength. Passion allows people with ADHD to be creative, unique, and successful. It's the driving force behind their risk-taking behavior and refusal to give up when things get tough. 9. You're a Good Problem Solver People with ADHD are often good at solving problems. That's because they're not afraid to push the proverbial envelope or come up with new and cutting-edge solutions to problems. This problem-solving skill is one of the things that makes people with ADHD such great entrepreneurs and leaders. They're not afraid to take risks or try new things, which is essential for any business owner. Just think what would be possible if people with ADHD helped solve the issues of the climate crisis, poverty, or world hunger! 10. You're Unique! There's no one else quite like you! Embrace your individuality and use it to your advantage. Allow your quirks to shine, and don't be afraid to be yourself. Many people with ADHD feel like they have to conform to societal norms and expectations. But the truth is, you're much better off being your authentic self. When you do this, you'll attract people who appreciate you for who you are. And that's the best kind of relationship to have in life. Conclusion While ADHD may come with some challenges, it comes with many benefits as well. Use these ten things as a reminder that you're not only exceptional, but also one-of-a-kind! However, everyone needs help sometimes. Working with a therapist who specializes in neurodiversity can be extremely helpful when it comes to understanding and navigating your experience with ADHD. When you're ready, our team is here to help. Get Matched With An Expert All the best, Barbara (Blaze) Lazarony , MA is a Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist #127882, Registered Associate Professional Clinical Counselor #10253, Transpersonal Coach, Author & Speaker. Click here to learn more about Barbara Lazarony. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Maybe your teen is melting down every night after school.Or they’re totally shut down. Or both. They’ve been labeled sensitive, dramatic, and disrespectful.But what if that’s not the full story? What if your teen is autistic—and no one caught it? This happens all the time. Especially with bright kids. Especially with girls. Especially with kids who seem “fine” at school but fall apart at home. Autism in teens doesn’t always look like people expect. They might be social, but always on edge. They might seem easygoing, but they’re secretly exhausted. They might follow the rules, but be filled with anxiety. They’ve learned to mask. To mimic.To survive. But now the mask is slipping. And you’re seeing the cost. That’s where we come in. We help autistic teens figure out what’s really going on. We walk them through a gentle, thoughtful self-discovery process. We're not focused on a diagnosis. We give them a chance to understand their brain, their needs, and their strengths. We help parents finally connect the dots. And we give the whole family a way forward. Visit TeensUnmask.com to learn more. You’ll find screeners, support, and a team that truly gets it. Because the earlier they understand themselves, the more they can thrive on their own terms. Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center and TeensUnmask | Therapy for Autistic Teens Get Matched with a Therapist Wondering what’s going on beneath the surface? A screener can help you and your teen understand things more clearly—take one from the options below: Teen Autism Screeners: Teens Ages 13-15 Autism Screener Teens Ages 16+ Autism Screener Teen ADHD Screeners: Teens Ages 13-15 ADHD Screener Teens Ages 16+ ADHD Screener 🔦 Spotlight on Malori Evans Malori Evans (Autistic/ADHD) “Your emotions aren’t too much. They’re trying to tell you something.” Malori gets that the world often treats sensitive people like they’re the problem—but that’s not how she sees it. She works with teens who feel everything deeply: the anger, the anxiety, the “why am I crying again?” moments. Her therapy style is warm, curious, and validating—she’s not here to fix you. She’s here to help you understand what’s underneath and feel less alone in the process. If you’ve ever been told you’re “too much,” Malori might be exactly who you need to meet. Learn more about Malori! © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

We understand that many people struggle to identify, express, and understand emotions. This condition is known as alexithymia and our therapists are prepared to meet you where we are and guide you towards your goals. ALEXITHYMIA < Back ALEXITHYMIA Do you struggle to recognize and express emotions? Do you feel a bit confused whenever a friend asks "How are you?" Are you uncomfortable around others who are processing their emotions? Do you prefer to "live in your head?" If you answer is "I think so" to most of these you, are probably in the right place. WHAT IS ALEXITHYMIA? Alexithymia is a condition characterized by challenges in identifying, understanding, and expressing emotions. Individuals with alexithymia may find it difficult to recognize their own feelings or the feelings of others. This can lead to challenges in forming and maintaining relationships, as well as navigating various social situations. Our counseling… Show More

🌟Watching the Lightbulb Moment They lean into our virtual sessions, week after week, hungry for answers. Across five meetings, we dig deep—unpacking their background, running assessments, tracing threads of a life. A client, 54, grows restless, then riveted, as patterns emerge—intense focus on weather maps, avoiding scratchy clothes, scripting conversations ahead of time. Before we started meeting, he and his partner pegged him as “odd” or “private,” but now they’re buzzing with questions about their lives together. Each session stokes their curiosity, a mirror tilting to reflect a sharper image. Then, in the final assessment meeting, I say it: “You fit the criteria for autism,” soft but clear through the Zoom screen. Their eyes widen—it confirms what they’d started to suspect, yet it flips their world upside down. As their therapist, I watch this life-altering truth settle in, both anchor and earthquake. 😎 What Late-Life Diagnosis Really Means Late-life autism diagnosis hits well beyond childhood—think 30s, 40s, 50s, or even later. Kids today get flagged early, but for many of us, it’s a seismic adult awakening that reframes everything. 🧠 Beyond Childhood: A Fresh Frame Back in the ‘70s or ‘80s, your quirks—say, hating crowds—weren’t on anyone’s radar. You muscled through, maybe excelled, but always felt like an outsider. A late diagnosis flips the script: Were those “bad days” actually sensory storms? 📈 The Past Reborn It’s a mental time warp. You rethink awkward school dances, solo hobbies, quiet rebellions. Your childhood wasn’t a flaw—it was a signal, blazing all along. 🔥 How It Feels to See Your Past Anew A late-life diagnosis doesn’t tiptoe in. It’s a jolt, then a slow burn of recognition. The Click: That dread of noisy rooms? Not weakness—rather brain wiring. The Sting: You wonder why it took so long to name it. The Lift: You shed the shame of “not fitting” and own your difference. Clients leave our sessions stunned, then lighter. Your past isn’t a burden—it’s a badge. 🩺 Screeners: Your First Step to Clarity Curious if autism fits? Start with our tools at the Adult Autism Assessment Center. 🧩 Autism Screeners ● Quick, sharp questions to spot autistic traits—like focus depth or sensory quirks. ● Try it here: Autism Screeners. ⚡ ADHD Screeners ● Late-life autism often dances with ADHD—restlessness, hyperfocus, chaos. ● Check it out: ADHD Screeners . These aren’t diagnoses—just sparks. Our specialists take it from there. 🛠️ Interventions: How Our Specialists Help At the Adult Autism Assessment Center , we don’t slap a label and call it a day. Our specialists craft a therapeutic path that honors your autistic edge. 🌱 Reframing Your Life Family baffled by your need for quiet? We guide you: “I’m not rude—I’m resetting.” They learn your rhythm; you find your voice. 🎯 Tailored Fixes ● Swamped by a loud office? We build discreet breaks that work. ● Obsessed with puzzles? We turn it into fuel, not friction. We don’t overhaul you. We sharpen who you’ve always been. 🏋️♂️ Exercise: Rewriting Your Childhood Story Grab a notebook or your phone—let’s excavate your past. Answer these 6 steps to spark insight: Catch the Clue: What childhood trait—like lining up books—stands out now? Trace the Cover: How did you hide it—laughing it off, staying busy? Mark the Moment: When did you first feel “different” from the pack? Claim the Strength: What gift—like detail obsession—shone through? Face the Doubt: What’s tough about seeing your past this way? Step Forward: Tell one person an insight from this—try it this week. No pressure. It’s your history—own it. 🌈 The Takeaway: Your Past Isn’t Gone—It’s Alive A late-life autism diagnosis isn’t a delay; it’s a discovery. You’re not behind—you’re ahead, finally you. At the Adult Autism Assessment Center , our specialists don’t just see you—they get you. Let's explore your story together. Let's get started today! Warmly, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Adult Autism Assessment Center and Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center 🔦 Spotlight on Dre Meller Specialties AuDHD, Autism, ADHD Sex/Physical Intimacy Emotional Regulation Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Blended Families, Brainspotting Emotionally Focused Therapy LGBTQIA+ Communication Emotional Intimacy Trauma-Informed Life Experience AuDHD (Autistic + ADHD) therapist with firsthand experience navigating neurodivergence In a 21-year relationship with autistic partner; raising four neurodivergent children (ages 6–30) Deeply familiar with sensory needs, executive function challenges, and creative problem-solving at home Experienced in blended families, co-parenting after divorce, and maintaining connection through relational transitions Passionate advocate for neurodivergent individuals and couples—lives the experiences clients bring to therapy Regulates through movement and creativity: roller skating, hiking, music-making, gardening, and more Believes therapy should be flexible, inclusive, and tailored to each client’s unique neurotype Provides a safe, non-masking space where clients can explore relationships, identity, and life on their terms Learn more about Dre! Did you miss the last Blog? Click Here to Read Now! Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Cassie Clayton, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Cassie Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

< Back Quick Guide - Discernment Counseling for Neurodiverse Couples Tip: Want more resources? 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation. KEY FACTS Discernment counseling is a brief, decision-focused process for couples uncertain about staying together or separating . In relationships where autism or ADHD is a factor, discernment counseling with a neuro-informed therapist can offer couples a space to pause conflict, understand how different brain wiring shapes the relationship, and decide—with clarity and compassion—what comes next. When a neurodiverse marriage is on the brink, couples face complex decisions shaped by their neurological differences , often asking, “Is my partner capable of change? ” and “ Will our children be better off if we stay together? ” Neuro-informed support can provide clarity and perspective. Couples often reach this point after years of miscommunication, emotional exhaustion, or therapy that failed to account for their neurological differences. One partner may feel dismissed or lonely , while the other feels overwhelmed or misunderstood, leaving both unsure whether change is possible. Unlike traditional couples therapy, discernment counseling for neurodiverse couples often starts with developing a six-month roadmap that identifies what each partner needs to work. If both agree to working on their contributions, the couple begins six months of focused therapy before revisiting the question of whether to stay together. If either partner says no, the counselor guides a healthy separation or helps maintain the best possible status quo. Whether couples decide to stay together or part ways, discernment counseling offers hope by providing direction and peace of mind. It helps both partners make an informed, compassionate choice rather than one driven by confusion or crisis. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQS) What is the goal of discernment counseling for neurodiverse couples? The goal isn’t to repair the relationship immediately but to help each partner gain clarity and confidence about the next step —whether that’s committing to change or moving toward separation. For neurodiverse couples, it also means understanding how traits like hyperfocus, sensory sensitivities, or executive function challenges may have shaped their dynamics, so future decisions are grounded in insight rather than blame. How is discernment counseling different from regular couples therapy for neurodiverse partners? Traditional couples therapy assumes both partners want to work on the relationship. Discernment counseling meets couples earlier, when one or both are unsure if they want to commit to counseling where the goal is to restore the relationship. For neurodiverse couples, it adds a neuro-informed framework that helps each partner recognize how differences in processing, communication, and emotional expression have impacted the relationship—and how those can be addressed if they choose to move forward. How long does discernment counseling last, and what happens after? It’s a brief, structured process—typically one to five sessions. If the couple chooses to continue the relationship, the counselor provides a roadmap for six months of neurodiverse-informed therapy focused on practical strategies for connection, communication, and regulation. If they decide to separate, the counselor helps them do so respectfully, with understanding of how their neurological differences influenced their journey. What if one partner isn’t sure about their neurodivergence or doesn’t want to participate fully? That’s common and completely okay. The process doesn’t require a formal diagnosis, only a willingness to reflect. Even if one partner feels uncertain or hesitant, discernment counseling with one of our neuro-informed experts can reduce tension and promote self-awareness. Can discernment counseling still help if we decide to separate? Yes. For many neurodiverse couples, discernment counseling becomes a compassionate closing chapter. It helps both partners understand what happened through a neurological lens—lessening shame, resentment, and confusion. Whether they stay or part ways, both leave with greater understanding of themselves and of how neurodiversity shaped their relationship. Last reviewed: Oct 3, 2025 • Authors: Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT (Clinical Director) and Jasmyne Mena (Director of Clinical Research & Scientific Communications, Senior Medical Writer, Neurodiversity) REFERENCES Doherty, W. J., Harris, S. M., & Wilde, J. L. (2016). Discernment Counseling for "Mixed-Agenda" Couples. Journal of marital and family therapy , 42 (2), 246–255. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12132 Edge, J.J., Parker, S. “He was very confusing to me in the beginning”: a qualitative exploration of the romantic relationship experiences of neurotypical individuals with autistic partners. SN Soc Sci 5, 22 (2025). https://doi.org/10.1007/s43545-025-01048-2 Emerson, A. J., Harris, S. M., & Ahmed, F. A. (2021). The impact of discernment counseling on individuals who decide to divorce: experiences of post-divorce communication and coparenting. Journal of marital and family therapy, 47(1), 36–51. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12463 Konrad, K., & Eickhoff, S. B. (2010). Is the ADHD brain wired differently? A review on structural and functional connectivity in attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Human brain mapping, 31(6), 904–916. https://doi.org/10.1002/hbm.21058 Wymbs, B. T., Canu, W. H., Sacchetti, G. M., & Ranson, L. M. (2021). Adult ADHD and romantic relationships: What we know and what we can do to help. Journal of Marital & Family Therapy , 47 (3), 664–681. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1111/jmft.12475 WHY CHOOSE US? DEPTH OF TEAM — 30+ neuro-informed therapists and coaches. 16,000+ sessions each year. The world’s largest practice dedicated to neurodiverse couples and individuals—so you benefit from deep, proven experience. WE ARE NEURODIVERSE: More than 90% of our clinicians are neurodiverse themselves, bringing a firsthand understanding of autism, ADHD, and related experiences. This lived perspective, combined with professional training, allows us to provide both expertise and genuine compassion to help you thrive. OUR MODEL: We use a neurodiverse counseling model —practical, skills- based, and tailored to each couple. We don’t pathologize difference; we name neurodiverse traits as natural human variations in communication style, sensory needs, social energy, and executive functioning. Together, we map those patterns so both partners can see what’s really happening (not what they’re blaming each other for). From there, we translate insight into action: shared language for signals and needs, simple agreements for sensory fit, clear routines for planning and follow-through, and repair tools that reduce defensiveness. The goal isn’t to make anyone “more normal.” It’s to help you work with your differences—so empathy grows, teamwork strengthens, and your bond gets measurably closer. STRENGTH-BASED: Our neurodiverse counseling model is strengths-based and neuro-affirming because that’s what works—well-supported in couples therapy and even more effective with neurodiverse couples. Instead of fixing “deficits,” we identify and deploy real assets—precision, honesty, loyalty, pattern recognition, creativity, deep focus—so they actively solve problems. This lowers shame, builds safety fast, and turns differences into shared tools: clearer signals and agreements, sensory fit instead of overload, and routines that reduce friction. The payoff is practical—fewer blowups, better follow-through, and a bond that strengthens because you’re using what you already do well, together. OUR TEAM: Our experts are deeply compassionate and dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples thrive. Three things set our team apart: Ongoing Specialized Training – All team members receive weekly training on neurodiversity-focused content, ensuring our approaches stay current and effective. Collaborative Case Support – We hold weekly supervision sessions, including case consultations, so that no couple’s challenges are handled in isolation—your therapist has a full team behind them. Continuous Professional Growth – Every therapist pursues ongoing continuing education in neurodiverse relationships, keeping us at the forefront of best practices. ASSESSMENTS: In addition to providing therapy, many of our clinicians are specially trained in conducting in-depth adult autism and ADHD assessments . If you’re seeking greater clarity or considering an in-depth evaluation, our team can guide you through the process with professionalism and care. INSURANCE — We are insurance-friendly. As an out-of-network provider, we will send you a Superbill for therapy services that you can submit to your insurance company for potential reimbursement. Please know that we do NOT bill insurance directly or participate as an in-network provider. For more information, please visit the "Insurance/Fee" section on our FAQ page. DIAGNOSIS OPTIONAL — You don’t need a diagnosis to get help with us. We can start with what’s happening now—communication loops, sensory needs, executive-function friction, meltdowns/shutdowns—and turn those patterns into clear agreements, better repairs, and real relief. If you’re in California and want a formal autism or ADHD evaluation , our licensed clinicians can provide it—but it’s not required to benefit. Either way, the goal is the same: less blame, more understanding, a stronger bond, and real individual healing. NOT A CRISIS SERVICE — We’re not a crisis service. If you’re ever in immediate danger, call 911. For urgent mental health support, call or text 988 or go to https://988lifeline.org Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is part of New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. WHO WE HELP We support neurodiverse couples and individuals nationwide through online therapy or coaching. Some common issues we help clients tackle include: Autism/ADHD differences Cassandra Syndrome Support Alexithymia Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Highly Sensitive People Parenting and co-parenting challenges Intimacy (both physical and emotional) Autism and ADHD assessments and self-screeners Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Recurring discussions about “tone,” initiative, alexithymia , or intimacy Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Discernment Counseling LEARN MORE 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation.

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Our Neurodiverse Specialists are ready to help you work on your relationship. Whether one or both of you are Autistic, ADHD'er or otherwise neurodivergent, we are here to help. < Back Neurodiverse Couples One of the many tricks the human mind likes to play is convincing us that: "I am the only one.” More specifically, we often tell ourselves: "I am the only one who… thinks like this, acts like this, looks like this, struggles with this kind of thinking." For those experiencing the challenges of navigating a neurodiverse relationship, it can feel isolating. That was most certainly true for me in my neurodiverse marriage. There was tremendous power for my wife and I in naming our neurodiversity. This allowed us to feel seen and affirmed. Even though we struggled with our communication, our daily habits, our differences, and our life together, our understanding gave us a path forward. This allowed us to begin to see one another with compassion and grace. Hi, I am Jory Wilson, a dedicated couples counselor with a focus on supporting neurodiverse couples. `I help couples with the dynamics of relationships where one or both partners are neurodivergent. My practice is built on a deep appreciation for the complexities of neurodiversity, including Autism Spectrum Disorder, ADHD, and sensory processing differences, and how these aspects influence relationship interactions. My holistic approach not only addresses the challenges but also highlights the strengths that neurodiversity brings into relationships. My objective is to empower couples to gracefully manage their differences and to build robust, resilient partnerships that celebrate both individuality and unity. ADHD Support: Work, Life & Relationships Because I navigate the world with an ADHD brain, I understand that its impact extends far beyond a messy desk or a forgotten appointment. I know how ADHD ripples through every layer of life—from the pressure to perform at work while battling "imposter syndrome," to the sensory overwhelm that can make social gatherings exhausting, to the unique dynamics it creates inside a marriage. I support clients in understanding how their neurodivergence shows up in the boardroom, at the dinner table, and in their inner emotional world, helping to untangle the complexities of navigating a world designed for neurotypical brains. My approach goes much deeper than just "executive function" hacks or to-do lists. We will explore the nuanced reality of the ADHD experience, including the intense emotional waves, Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD), and the dopamine-seeking behaviors that often get misunderstood as laziness or lack of care. Whether it is navigating the shame spiral of "not doing enough" or managing the burnout that comes from years of masking, I provide a space where you do not have to translate your brain to be understood. Ultimately, my goal is to help you move from fighting your brain to working with it. While we will certainly tackle practical strategies for organization and focus, we will also look for the unique strengths inherent in your wiring—your creativity, your ability to hyperfocus, and your deep capacity for empathy. I want to help you build a life and relationships that honor your authentic self, rather than trying to fit a neurodivergent square peg into a neurotypical round hole. Sex Addiction and Neurodiversity In addition to my focus on neurodiverse relationships, I have developed a specialization in addressing the complexities of sex addiction within these unique partnerships. Understanding that sex addiction can present distinct challenges in the context of neurodiversity, I approach therapy with sensitivity to the nuances of how neurodivergent traits can intersect with addictive behaviors. My goal is to help individuals and couples navigate the intricacies of sex addiction by fostering healthy communication, establishing boundaries, and rebuilding trust. I employ a compassionate, non-judgmental approach, blending therapeutic techniques such as IFS (Internal Family Systems), EFT (Emotion-Focused Therapy) and mindfulness-based strategies to support recovery and healing. My work with neurodiverse couples and individuals facing sex addiction is rooted in the belief that every person and relationship has the capacity for growth and transformation. By creating a supportive and understanding environment, I aim to empower my clients to explore their behaviors, understand the underlying causes of addiction, and develop coping mechanisms that align with their values and relationship goals. Recognizing the importance of tailored interventions, I collaborate closely with each client to craft personalized treatment plans that address both neurodiversity and sex addiction, working towards a future where both individuals and their relationships can thrive. Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (Candidate) What is a CSAT? Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSAT) are professionals who have taken supplementary training to treat individuals experiencing unwanted or compulsive sexual behaviors, or sex addiction. CSATs take a deep dive into the root of the compulsive behavior, in many cases it is trauma, and provide a step-by-step guide to healing both the behavior and the wound it is protecting. Couples Retreats & Intensives I'm also passionate about helping couples in crisis find their way back to each other through innovative intensive sessions. My approach combines evidence-based therapeutic modalities with intuitive guidance, providing a powerful alternative to therapy (a process that can take months to years). Intensives are designed to be efficient and highly effective, providing tangible improvements in a rapid amount of time. Whether your relationship is on the brink of divorce, navigating trauma, or just stuck in unhelpful cycles, participating in an intensive with your partner can be a great way to jumpstart your healing journey. My Personal Story In a world that told me I needed to pick myself up by my bootstraps and tough it out I decided, after not being able to stuff emotions any longer, to go a different route. I left my career to focus on healing the deep wounds that I was not even able to name. That led to personal and couples therapy that forever changed my life for the better. I was so profoundly impacted by my experiences in therapy that I wondered if I could participate in the healing journey for others the way my therapist did for me. I decided to pursue a career in psychotherapy in efforts to extend the hand of compassion that was so lovingly extended to me. Make no mistake about it, the work of change is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but it is also the most rewarding. I am living proof that couples therapy can have a profound impact on a relationship. My wife and I are living some of the most present and grateful years of our life as we raise a child together. We both entered our relationship with wounds that run incredibly deep, but the courageous work of change can heal in ways that I never imagined. If that is true in my life, then it is true for you as well. Specialties Sex Addiction Internet Addiction Affair Recovery Trauma OCD Modalities IFS (Internal Family Systems) EFT (Emotion-Focused Therapy) Person Centered Therapy Trauma Informed Therapy Clients Couples Individuals Teens Families Group Therapy License and Employment Registered Associate Marriage Family Therapist, AMFT # 145913 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc. Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Sex/Physical Intimacy, Communication, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Trauma-Informed, Addiction, Emotion Focused Therapy, Internal Family Systems, Christian, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients Jory Wilson Take an Autism Test

By Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center c If you are in a neurodiverse relationship—particularly one involving high intelligence, AuDHD (Autism + ADHD), or Giftedness—you likely know this dynamic intimately. You finish a task. You load the dishwasher. You drive a familiar route. You write an email. And then, your partner corrects you. They don't say "thank you." They don't notice the 90% you did right. They zero in, with laser precision, on the 10% that is inefficient, illogical, or "wrong." "The knife goes blade-down, not blade-up." "You took the long way. We lost four minutes." "That word doesn't mean what you think it means." To the Allistic (non-autistic) partner, this feels like death by a thousand cuts. It feels like arrogance . It feels like narcissism . It feels like your partner believes they are the superior being and you are a child to be managed. But most clinical frameworks get this wrong. If we treat this as a personality flaw or an "attitude problem," therapy fails. We end up shaming the neurodivergent partner for their wiring. To truly heal this, we have to look under the hood of the neurocomplex brain. We have to move from "judgment" to "mechanism." The Mechanism: The Brain as a Prediction Machine We must start with Predictive Coding Theory . Neuroscience tells us that the human brain is not just a passive receiver of information. It is an active prediction machine. It constantly projects a model of what should happen next onto the world. For the neurotypical brain, these predictions are flexible. If the dishwasher is loaded "mostly" right, the brain says, "Good enough," and moves on. The error is ignored. For the Autistic/AuDHD brain, this filtering mechanism works differently. Research by Van de Cruys et al. (2014) suggests that autistic brains assign "inflexibly high weight" to prediction errors . This means that when the knife is facing the wrong way, the brain doesn't just see a knife. It registers a violation of order . It signals a "glitch" in the environment. To you, it’s a chore. To them, it’s chaos. And for a nervous system that is already prone to sensory overwhelm (hyper-reactivity), chaos is not just annoying. It is physically painful . It signals danger. The "Intense World" of the Corrective Impulse This is further explained by the Intense World Theory (Markram et al., 2007). This theory posits that autistic microcircuits are hyper-reactive and hyper-plastic. They feel more, remember more, and process more. When your partner corrects you, they are often experiencing a spike of autonomic dysregulation. They see the error. The error triggers an immediate physiological "No!" (fight-or-flight). They speak the correction to resolve the error and return their internal state to baseline. It is not an act of dominance. It is an act of self-regulation . They are trying to make the world stop buzzing so they can breathe. The Double Empathy Problem If the intent is safety, why does it hurt so much? This is where the Double Empathy Problem (Milton, 2012) comes in. For decades, we assumed autistic people lacked empathy. Milton flipped this, proving that the disconnect is actually mutual . You (Allistic Partner) communicate to build connection. You prioritize the "vibe" and the relationship. They (AuDHD Partner) often communicate to exchange information and ensure accuracy (Heasman & Gillespie, 2019). When they correct you, they are often engaging in "cooperative information sharing." In their world, helping you do it "right" is a love language. It’s helpful. But because you speak a different social language, you hear it as an attack. You experience a "thin slice" judgment (Sasson et al., 2017) where you instantly perceive them as awkward, rude, or cold—even if their internal experience is one of care. The Cost: Cassandra Syndrome & The Erosion of Self However, understanding the science is not a "Get Out of Jail Free" card. We must validate the impact on the non-autistic partner. Living with chronic correction creates a state of walking on eggshells . You stop sharing your thoughts. You stop doing chores because you don't want to be critiqued. You feel lonely, incompetent, and invisible. This is often referred to as Cassandra Syndrome (ongoing emotional deprivation/trauma due to a disbelief of your reality). The AuDHD partner's need for certainty (Boulter et al., 2014) often comes at the direct expense of the Allistic partner's need for emotional safety . The Solution: Bridging the Gap So, how do we stop the bleeding? We stop trying to fix the person and start fixing the dynamic. 1. For the AuDHD/Hypercritical Partner: Own the Impact You cannot hide behind "It's just my autism." You must acknowledge that your safety strategy is causing harm. The Script: "I need you to know that when I corrected your driving, my brain was in a state of panic about safety. It wasn't about you being a bad driver. However, I know that my panic came out as criticism, and that made you feel small. I am sorry that my need for order hurt you." 2. For the Allistic Partner: Reframe the Intent When the correction happens, try to pause your own defensiveness for one second. Ask yourself: "Is he being a jerk, or is he dysregulated?" The Script: "I hear that you want this done differently. But when you correct me the second I walk in the door, I feel invisible. Can we pause the 'fixing' for 5 minutes so we can just say hello?" 3. Name the "Third Party." Externalize the issue. Don't fight each other; fight the "Pattern Matcher." "The Pattern Matcher is really loud today, isn't it?" Pulling it all together You are not enemies. You are two people with different operating systems trying to run the same software. It’s not arrogance. It’s vigilance. And with the right tools, you can turn that vigilance into connection. [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References & Further Reading Baron-Cohen, S., et al. (2003). The Systemizing Quotient: an investigation of adults with Asperger syndrome or high-functioning autism, and normal sex differences. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences . Link to Study Boulter, C., et al. (2014). Intolerance of Uncertainty as a Framework for Understanding Anxiety in Children and Adolescents with Autism Spectrum Disorders. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders . Link to Study Crompton, C. J., et al. (2020). Neurotype-Matching, but Not Being Autistic, Influences Self and Observer Ratings of Interpersonal Rapport. Frontiers in Psychology . Link to Study Heasman, B., & Gillespie, A. (2019). Neurodivergent intersubjectivity: Distinctive features of how autistic people create shared understanding. Autism . Link to Study Lai, M. C., et al. (2017). Camouflaging in autism: A systematic review. Autism . Link to Study Markram, H., et al. (2007). The Intense World Theory – A Unifying Theory of the Neurobiology of Autism. Frontiers in Neuroscience . Link to Study Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: the ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society . Link to Study Murray, D., Lesser, M., & Lawson, W. (2005). Attention, monotropism and the diagnostic criteria for autism. Autism . Link to Study Sasson, N. J., et al. (2017). Neurotypical Peers are Less Willing to Interact with Those with Autism based on Thin Slice Judgments. Scientific Reports . Link to Study Van de Cruys, S., et al. (2014). Precise minds in uncertain worlds: Predictive coding in autism. Psychological Review . Link to Study Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

🎯 Allism Spectrum Disorder?! What If Autism Was the Norm? As a thought experiment, imagine if autism was the norm. What if autistics outnumbered everyone else? So allistics (non-autistic people) become the minority? Would the autistics pathologize the allistics ? Enter the alternate universe of Allism Spectrum Disorder —a parody diagnosis where "normal" behaviors get pathologized. Let’s flip the script and highlight some common allistic traits that, if viewed through a different lens, might seem a little crazy: They rely heavily on small talk (even when it feels meaningless or forced). They avoid direct confrontation (often leading to passive-aggressive behavior instead). They prioritize group approval , sometimes sacrificing their own needs to fit in. They struggle with honest emotional expression , choosing politeness over authenticity. They often follow unwritten social rules (without ever questioning if they make sense). They frequently interpret silence as awkwardness , rather than comfortable space. They misinterpret literal language , assuming hidden meanings where none exist. They often maintain social relationships based on obligation , rather than genuine interest. They fear being judged for standing out , and often suppress their individuality to blend in. Seems silly, right? Yet this is exactly how many autistic individuals feel when navigating an allistic world. And we see this tension arise again and again in neurodiverse relationships. 🧠 Diagnostic Criteria for "Allism Spectrum Disorder" (Parody) Let’s take a moment to fully explore this upside down world. Imagine if allistic behaviors were pathologized the way autistic traits often are. Below is a playful abbreviated take, originally written by Terra Vance , on what that might look like: A. Persistent deficits in direct, honest, and compassionate social interaction and patterns of using deception and manipulation of others perception: Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity. For example: a. Indirect, ambiguous, or deceptive communication style b. Over dependence on social norms and generalizations c. Frequently superimposes subtext or places unfounded meaning on concrete, literal, or factual communication d. Struggles with comprehending consent and personal boundaries in social interaction Deficits in verbal and nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction. For example: a. Ritualized use of unusual or menial conversation topics (e.g. comments on weather) b. Pervasive passive aggressive communication style (saying “that’s different” when really meaning “I don’t like that”) c. An excessive use of eye contact, abnormalities in body language, and deficits in understanding and use of gestures Deficits in theory of mind and developing, maintaining, and understanding autistic relationships. For example: a. Difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts b. Inappropriate or undesired responses in conversation (e.g. using repeated passive/apathetic responses to end a conversation, visible discomfort when your interests or opinions vary from theirs) c. Absorption in perceived social status “ranking” d. Deficit in comprehending bodily autonomy and personal space e. Restrictive fixation with and dependence on gender social constructs f. Repeatedly engages in tribalistic behaviors, such as compulsive attempts to control reputation in groups, and exploiting, marginalizing, or punishing groups deemed unworthy or inferior B. Patterns of over-dependence on heuristics, social norms, and generalizations in behavior, interests, or activities : Stereotyped or repetitive verbalization, use of objects, or speech. e.g., a .Repetitive vocal stimming via verbalizing unfiltered thoughts or patterns of erroneous intonation b. Recreating social scenarios with toys or objects as children c. Repetitive use of involuntary scripted phrases (e.g. “Lets hang out soon”, “How are you”, “Long time no see”, or “It’s nice to meet you”) Insistence on sameness, extreme adherence to pre-existing social norms, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior. e.g., a. Ritualized use of indirect communication b. Strong attachment to group identity, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals c. Need to conform d. Difficulty in challenging pre-existing constructs in the world e. Gullible to group biases such as bandwagon effect, groupthink, or status quo bias Lack of specialization or pattern-recognition that is abnormal in apathy or disorderliness. e.g., a. Numerous superficial, shallow hobbies and interests with deficit in or complete lack of deeper exploration of interests b. Selecting interests based on social group or social influence c. Utilizing interests as social currency without genuine passion d. Ignoring small details because they do not align with expectations, context, or pre-existing beliefs e. Overly concerned with social perception instead of concrete objects or information Dulled or hypo-reactive to sensory input or information that does align with pre-existing knowledge, beliefs, or self-interest. e.g., a. ”Tuning out” sounds in environment deemed unimportant b. Easily influenced to interpret information based on how information is presented c. Overly gullible to confirmation bias, halo effect, and attentional bias d. Restrictively applies existing social constructs as rules/expectations for all interaction and modelling of instead of generating beliefs based on sensory input and pattern recognition 🤔 A Moment for Self-Reflection Now I want to talk to the allistic partner. Take a step back and consider: If the roles were reversed, and you were given a label like "Allism Spectrum Disorder," how would that feel? How would it impact the way you see yourself? Do you fit any of the criteria we just explored in the parody? This self-evaluation isn’t about judgment—it’s about empathy. Imagine navigating a world where your natural ways of thinking, communicating, and connecting are constantly seen as “wrong” or needing to be “fixed.” How would that shape your relationships, your self-esteem, and your sense of belonging? 👋 Final Thoughts By flipping these behaviors, it becomes obvious how absurd it is to pathologize traits that are just different ways of experiencing the world. Let’s stop trying to fit everyone into one “normal” box and open the door to a whole new level of understanding. At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , our team of clinicians here to help you make that shift, even when it feels impossible. Ready to get started? Book a session today and let’s move toward understanding and acceptance . Book A Session Until next time, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Think You May be Masking Your Autistic Traits? The Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) may be used to identify autistic individuals who do not currently meet diagnostic criteria due to their ability to mask. Take the CAT-Q Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

At first glance, those "Bedroom Rules" might seem playful or sexy. But if you’re autistic—or in a relationship with someone who is—they can feel more like a test you didn’t study for. “Tease each other?” What does that actually mean? “Keep a steady pace?” Based on whose rhythm? “Don’t be afraid to experiment?” What if new things feel overwhelming? For many autistic adults, these kinds of open-ended instructions feel confusing, stressful, or even shame-inducing. And for their partner, it can feel lonely—like they’re not being met emotionally or intimately. Both people want to connect. But the rules aren’t working. That’s why we created the Autistic Sexual Intimacy Measure (ASIM‑24). The questions touch on topics most people never talk about. You’ll see statements like: “I avoid conversations about sex because they feel too complicated.” “Certain textures or smells can distract me during intimacy.” “I sometimes say yes to sexual activity even when I’m uncomfortable.” “I worry my direct way of speaking sounds rude when I discuss sex.” It takes about 5–7 minutes—and it can be a turning point. This isn’t just information. It’s a roadmap. When you complete the ASIM‑24 , you’ll receive a total score that reflects your overall comfort and confidence with sexual intimacy. But you’ll also get four separate scores—covering sexual knowledge, sensory comfort, consent and boundaries, and relationship communication. This helps you see where you’re thriving and where you might want to grow. Understanding your intimacy profile can shift everything. Instead of guessing what’s wrong or blaming yourself (or your partner), you’ll have a clearer picture of how your brain and body approach intimacy—and how to move forward with more confidence and care. Take the ASIM‑24 now And if you'd like support as you explore your results, our neuro-informed specialists are here to help you connect the dots. 👉 Schedule a session with us Wishing you clarity, confidence, and connection—in and out of the bedroom, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center P.S. Next week, we’re diving into ADHD and sex—why it can be thrilling, frustrating, or both. Get Matched with a Therapist 🔦 Spotlight on Maring Higa Specialties Autism, ADHD, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Blended Families Somatic Therapies IFS EFT Trauma Neurodiverse Couples Personal Experience Lived through a neurodiverse marriage that ended in divorce, gaining firsthand insight into the challenges of misaligned communication, emotional rhythms, and unmet needs. Over a decade into a new, hard-earned partnership, navigating the ongoing work of blending families, healing old wounds, and choosing connection over comfort—even when it’s hard. Brings real-world empathy to couples work, shaped by personal experience with both disconnection and deep repair, offering grounded support instead of quick fixes. Learn more about Maring! © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these questionnaires may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

It’s common for neurodivergent people to get out of balance with eating. Our therapists understand are here to listen and help you create healthier eating habits. AUTISM & EATING < Back AUTISM & EATING We are here to provide affirming and effective support for neurodivergent people around food and eating. Whether you are autistic, ADHD, highly sensitive, sensory processing differences, seizure disorders, OCD or otherwise identify as neurodivergent, you are in the right place. STRUGGLING WITH EATING We are here to help you/your loved one with food struggles like: Skipping meals Forgetting to eat Overwhelm/avoidance with grocery shopping General anxiety around eating Shame or guilt around eating Negative thought patterns around eating Negative thought patterns around body size/shape Feeling gross in your body during/after eating GI problems causing fear with eating Pain with eating or after eating Underfueling in athletics Show More

Imagine trying to communicate your deepest desires and needs with your partner, but it feels like you're speaking different languages. That's often the reality for neurodiverse couples when it comes to intimacy and sex. Let's break the silence and dive into this crucial topic together! 🚧 8 Common Roadblocks to Neurodiverse Sex 👩❤️👨 1. Emotional vs. Physical Intimacy Neurotypical partners might crave emotional intimacy through communication about emotions and experiences. On the other hand, neurodiverse partners might seek physical intimacy to feel connected. It's like trying to take different paths to the same destination – closeness. 💬 2. Communication Communication barriers can intensify during intimate moments. Nonverbal cues like eye contact and body language often signal interest and consent, but these can be challenging for neurodiverse individuals. Recognizing these differences helps shift towards clear, direct communication, such as using "code words" for boundaries and planned breaks to process tough interactions. This approach reduces misunderstandings and ensures both partners clearly express needs and consent during intimacy. 🌐 3. Sensory Sensitivities Sensory sensitivities are a common issue in neurodiverse couples. Hypersensitivity can make physical touch overwhelming, while hyposensitivity may lead to a need for more intense sensory input. Understanding these differences is crucial. For example, one partner might need to adjust their touch to match their partner's sensory preferences. Educating couples about these variations helps them navigate and satisfy each other's sensory needs during intimate moments. 📋 4. Expectations Every person has unique expectations about what intimacy should look like, and for neurodiverse couples, these expectations might conflict. Open communication about these expectations is essential to align and find common ground, helping partners understand each other’s perspectives and needs. 📜 5. Past Experiences Past relationships significantly shape views on intimacy. Many autistic individuals have less experience with dating and sex, leading to unrealistic views of relationships or misunderstandings about roles. Addressing these past experiences in therapy helps partners understand each other's viewpoints and expectations, fostering deeper connections. 🔧 6. Executive Functioning Initiating intimacy requires planning and organizing, which can be challenging for neurodiverse individuals. Recognizing these difficulties and finding ways to support each other in initiating intimate moments can improve the relationship. 🔒 7. Rigidity Rigidity in routines or preferences can create tension in a sexual relationship. Neurodiverse individuals might have specific ways they believe intimacy should be, which can hinder the natural flow of the relationship. Couples can work together to become more adaptable to each other's needs. 🌹 8. Diverse Expressions of Intimacy Intimacy for neurodivergent individuals can differ from traditional norms. Activities like side-by-side gaming or snuggling while engaging in separate activities can be intimate for them. Recognizing and accepting these diverse expressions of intimacy is vital for some couples. 🤔 Where to Start? Couples struggling with sex often don't know where to start. In therapy, we work on the following areas: 🤝 Build a Common Understanding Understanding how neurodiversity impacts your physical intimacy is the first step. This involves psychoeducation about autism and re-contextualizing your relationship through this valuable lens. 🎯 Setting Clear Goals We help you discuss each partner's needs, desires, and quota for intimacy and sex. Together, we identify specific goals to address deficits and improve experiences. This can be incredibly hard to do and almost always needs the safe guidance from one of our counselors. 🗣️ Open Communication We facilitate conversations about why certain needs are unfulfilled and what specifics are required for improvement. This is not about compliance but rather focuses on understanding and exploration. 🧠 Perspective-Taking We consider each other's perspectives to increase relational success. Once you understand your partner's viewpoint, you can work together to strengthen intimacy and sexual connection. 👫 Sex Therapy for Neurodiverse Couples Do you feel overwhelmed reading this? Please know that is perfectly normal! Here's the good news: sex therapy with a neuro-informed therapist can help make it easier to talk about sex. We'll provide a supportive space for both partners to share in their own way and at their own pace. Imagine turning those awkward moments of miscommunication into opportunities for deeper connection, understanding and fun! Willing to try? We’re here when you’re ready. Warm regards, Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Are You Hypersensitive to Certain Noises, Textures, etc...? Learn About Sensory Processing Disorder Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel