Picture This: You and your partner have a cherished weekly tradition of visiting your favorite coffee shop. It’s a comforting ritual, a cornerstone of your weekend. ☕️ But this Saturday, you arrive to find it permanently closed. For the autistic partner, this sudden loss of a familiar space feels like a small catastrophe, throwing their day into disarray. Meanwhile, the allistic partner struggles to understand why they can't simply switch to another coffee shop among the many available. Today, we’re discussing the significant impact of routines and how the misinterpretation of resistance to change can lead to painful conflict in neurodiverse relationships. Whether it’s finding a new coffee spot or adjusting to bigger life changes, understanding and managing these shifts is crucial for maintaining a supportive and thriving partnership. ☕️ 🔄 The Power of Routine in Neurodiverse Relationships 🏡 👍 For many of us, especially in the neurodiverse community, routines are not just about comfort—they are essential. They provide a framework of predictability that reduces anxiety and manages sensory input. These routines foster a stable environment where both partners feel secure and supported, enabling daily life to be more manageable and less anxiety-inducing. Understanding Why Change Is Challenging for Autistic Individuals 🌪️ 🧠 To fully grasp the hurdles faced by autistic individuals during times of change, let's delve deeper into the specific challenges that can arise and explore how these can impact their daily experiences and interactions. Difficulty Understanding What's Coming Next 🤷♂️ ♂️ The uncertainty of what follows after a change can be particularly daunting for autistic individuals. This inability to anticipate the next steps can lead to significant anxiety as it disrupts the mental preparation that is typically relied upon to navigate the day. Establishing a predictable environment is crucial for reducing this anxiety, and when that predictability is lost, it can feel like navigating without a map. This sensation of being lost can make even the smallest changes seem insurmountable, heightening the resistance to altering routines. Difficulty When a Pattern of Behavior is Disrupted 🔄 Autistic individuals often rely heavily on established patterns and routines to manage daily life effectively. These routines provide a sense of order and understanding. When these patterns are disrupted, it can cause a ripple effect of stress and confusion, making it challenging to adapt to new situations. Sensory Issues 🌟 Changes can introduce unfamiliar sensory experiences that can be overwhelming and difficult to manage. For autistic individuals, sensory sensitivities are common, and unexpected sensory input can be particularly jarring, leading to sensory overload . This can include changes in lighting, noise levels, or even the introduction of new smells and textures. Struggling to Foresee the Future 🔮 Many autistic individuals find it challenging to visualize or plan for future scenarios, particularly when changes are involved. This difficulty with abstract thinking can make it harder to mentally prepare for or adapt to new situations as they arise. The inability to foresee the future can result in a reluctance to engage with new experiences, as the unknown becomes a source of significant anxiety and potential distress. Overwhelmed by Rapidly Changing Circumstances 🌪️ Rapid changes demand quick adaptations, which can be particularly overwhelming for those who process sensory and cognitive information in unique ways. The need to quickly switch strategies or routines without ample time to adjust can lead to a state of overwhelm and shutdown, where coping mechanisms may fail, and stress levels can escalate quickly. Difficulty Reading Social Cues 👥 Navigating social situations is often more challenging for autistic individuals, particularly during times of change when new and unfamiliar social cues may present. Difficulty in reading these cues can exacerbate the stress of social interactions and lead to misunderstandings or social anxiety. This can make socializing in new environments or with new people a significant challenge, as misreading cues or missing subtle social signals can lead to inappropriate responses or increased social isolation. Misinterpretations and Problematic Cycles 🔁 💔 In neurodiverse relationships, resistance to change is often misinterpreted as inflexibility or an unwillingness to compromise. This misunderstanding can spark a cycle of frustration and resentment, as neurotypical partners might see the resistance as a lack of effort or care. This can initiate a problematic cycle where one partner feels misunderstood and overwhelmed, while the other feels neglected or rejected. Breaking this cycle starts with recognizing and understanding these dynamics. Strategies for Managing Change Together 🗣️ 💬 Mastering Change Dialogues 💬 Mastering the art of communication forms the cornerstone of successfully managing change within any relationship. Diving into open, honest discussions about emotions, apprehensions, and the impacts of change can cultivate a nurturing environment. Regular, proactive conversations are vital, establishing a routine that anticipates needs rather than simply reacting to them . Creating a safe space where each person feels genuinely heard and validated can greatly alleviate the anxiety linked to changes, making the adjustment process smoother for everyone involved. Step-by-Step Adaptation 🐾 Implementing changes gradually is essential to ensure that transitions feel manageable rather than overwhelming. By introducing new routines or changes incrementally, both partners, particularly the autistic one, can adapt at a comfortable pace. This method allows for continuous monitoring and adjusting of the process, addressing any discomfort or challenges as they arise. Celebrating each small victory along the way can boost morale and visibly demonstrate the progress being made, reinforcing the positive aspects of these changes. Balancing Flexibility and Routine 🌿 ⏳ Embracing both flexibility and routine is essential for navigating the ever-changing landscape of life while maintaining a sense of stability. Cultivating a flexible mindset allows you to adapt to unforeseen circumstances and explore alternative outcomes, which can reduce the stress often associated with a strict adherence to initial plans. Simultaneously, maintaining certain routines provides a reliable structure that can anchor you amidst change, offering predictability and comfort. This dual approach not only diminishes pressure but also encourages a balanced, creative problem-solving process, potentially leading to more effective and satisfying outcomes. Enhancing Collaboration with a Counselor 🤝 Adding a counselor into your support network can be a transformative approach during periods of change, particularly when navigating complex dynamics within a relationship. Our counselors can play a crucial role by providing unbiased emotional support, understanding, and expert guidance. This external perspective not only brings fresh insights into the challenges at hand but also offers strategies and tools that the couple might not have considered. Click Here To Match With An Expert We will ensure that both partners feel heard and valued, strengthening your ability to collaboratively manage transitions. Here for You 💑 Navigating changes in neurodiverse relationships isn't straightforward, and it's okay to seek support. At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, we provide specialized assistance for couples facing these unique challenges. Whether you need guidance through transitions or help managing daily routines, our team is here to support your journey towards a stronger partnership. Together, let's transform the challenges of change into opportunities for growth and deeper connection. Every step forward, no matter how small, is a step towards a more understanding and resilient relationship. 💪🏽🌟 Warmest regards, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Our Neurodiverse Specialists are ready to help you work on your relationship. Whether one or both of you are Autistic, ADHD'er or otherwise neurodivergent, we are here to help. < Back Relationships can be challenging, and for neurodiverse couples, those challenges often come with unique layers of complexity. But here’s the good news—you don’t have to face them alone. For over 40 years, I’ve been in a neurodiverse relationship with my high school sweetheart. Together, we’ve navigated grief and loss, financial storms, and health crises, and we even separated for two years. My personal experience and advanced clinical training in counseling psychology equip me with a deep understanding of the joys and hurdles neurodiverse couples face. If you feel your relationship is on shaky ground due to neurodiversity, I’m here to help. Tackling Common Neurodiverse Relationship Challenges One of the most common patterns I see in therapy is communication struggles . Misunderstandings can escalate quickly when partners don’t know how to express their needs or interpret each other’s cues. I help couples identify the roadblocks in their communication and introduce strategies like active listening, open needs-sharing, and negotiation that pave the way for deeper understanding. Another frequent challenge is balancing emotional regulation . One partner may feel constantly overwhelmed or anxious while the other seems far more relaxed, creating a divide in how emotions are handled. Together, we’ll work on finding a middle ground—creating space for feelings without constantly trying to “fix” each other. “We are born in a relationship, we are wounded in a relationship, and we can be healed in a relationship.” --Harville Hendrix And then, there are the triggers . No relationship is immune to them, but in neurodiverse relationships, these triggers can be heightened, especially due to sensory issues. We’ll explore ways to identify each partner’s triggers and develop techniques to reduce overstimulation. Whether it’s through setting boundaries, creating calming routines, or practicing grounding exercises, we’ll find tools that work for you. In addition to weekly or twice-a-month therapy sessions, I also offer Couples Retreats and Intensives and ASD and ADHD Assessments. Couples Retreats & Intensives Struggling in your relationship? It’s time to take action. My couples intensives are designed to help you and your partner reconnect, heal, and move forward—quickly and effectively. Unlike traditional therapy, which can stretch over months or even years, intensives deliver meaningful progress in just a matter of days. Through a blend of evidence-based therapeutic techniques and intuitive guidance, you’ll work with me in person or over Zoom in a focused, immersive environment. Whether you’re facing the pain of trauma, stuck in unhealthy patterns, or standing at the edge of separation, these sessions provide a clear path forward. ASD & ADHD Assessments Neurodivergence is part of who you are. For clarity, neurodiversity-affirming assessments unveil strengths and foster growth, helping individuals thrive in a world that often misunderstands Autism and ADHD. I use this thorough, personalized process utilizing tools like MIDAS-2 and SRS-2 for Autism and CAARS and Brown EF/A scales for ADHD, alongside interviews and evaluations for meaningful results. It’s not just a diagnosis but a gateway to self-understanding and empowerment. Recognizing the challenges faced by neurodivergent adults, this approach celebrates individuality, unlocking potential, enhancing communication, and building social confidence. The goal is to help people feel seen and understood in daily life. These assessments aim to offer what many have wished for during their journeys by providing support that often feels out of reach. This process can be a transformative first step for those ready to pursue clarity and empowerment. Why I’m Different I’m Barbara Lazarony, but everyone calls me Blaze. I bring more than theoretical knowledge—I’ve lived this experience. My personal insights as someone in a neurodiverse relationship, combined with evidence-based therapeutic approaches, create a unique space for couples to thrive. Every couple’s story is different, and I’m here to honor yours. It’s not just about managing conflict—it’s about building a foundation of patience, love, and mutual understanding. My Back Story I'm a mature adult living out my third career; my first role was working in retail for twenty years, where I mentored executives and managed $2.5 billion in sales across 42 locations in the United States. I was uber-successful with a sassy job title and a large office overlooking Market Street in San Francisco. I loved it! But, little did I know back then that I was an overachieving workaholic, and the signs that my health was an issue couldn’t be ignored any longer. In 2003, I was told I had thyroid cancer, and I decided to resign from my job. Those were dark times for me; in addition to cancer, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). It was a journey, and I sought support from modern and holistic medicine, along with help from fantastic therapists and coaches. The truth was, I had no idea who I was or what I wanted out of life beyond my job title. As I was healing from cancer, I earned an Advanced Certified Integral Coach certification and started my own business. I loved being a coach for eighteen years but realized I could not help people achieve long-lasting success, fulfillment, and healing because I didn’t have the skills, training, and knowledge to get to the root of the issues holding them back. To support people in the way I wanted to, I decided to go to graduate school at the age of fifty-three and earn my Master's degree in Counseling Psychology. Since finishing my degree and earning my LMFT, I have navigated different types of cancer twice and supported my life partner through his cancer journey. And sadly, no one in the medical profession told me I had both an acquired and genetic form of neurodiversity; it took me a while to discover that my brain was wired differently. I know what it feels like to be different from everyone else! I am someone who understands the deep well of trauma and grief that needs to be acknowledged and validated in therapy. So, Enough About Me, Let's Talk About You... If you and your partner are navigating the challenges of a neurodiverse relationship, reach out today. You deserve a fulfilling and strong relationship, no matter what life throws your way. We’ll work toward clear communication, deeper connection, and lasting love. You’re not alone—I’m ready to guide you on this path. Specialties and Certifications Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist 151788 Neurodiverse Couples Specialist Certified Autism & ADHD Assessment Specialist Advanced Certified Trauma Specialist Advanced Certified Integral Coach Brainspotting Certified-Level I & II Life Experience Has personal experience in multiple neurodiverse relationships Worked with thousands of people as a Coach, Manager, Leader, and Mentor Former careers as an Executive and Business Coach, Executive Director in a non-profit, and Senior Director in retail-coaching people, as well as managing staffing operations and finances Education Bachelor of Science in Home Economics, Fashion Merchandising, The Ohio State University Master of Science in Clinical Psychology, Sofia University, also earned a Certificate in Creative Expression. More about Barbara (Blaze) Diagnosed as Neurodiverse 20 years ago Offers Neurodiverse Couples Retreats Married for 35+ years to her high school sweetheart, together for 40 years Cancer Survivor -3 times! Specialty Areas: Assessment, Sex/Physical Intimacy, Kink/Poly-Affirmed, Discernment, Cancer & Autism, Neurodiverse Couples, Autism, Cassandra Syndrome Support, Couples Retreats/Intensives, Brainspotting, Emotional Intimacy, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients Blaze Lazarony Take an Autism Test

Trauma-Informed Neurodiverse Couples Therapy HEAL YOUR TRAUMA AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS When one or both partners have been traumatized by relationship patterns rooted in their neuro-differences, the partners must overcome two distinct challenges: Heal the trauma , and Understand and build bridges across the neurological differences. Unfortunately, most approaches to Neurodiverse couples counseling do not adequately address the trauma. As a result, couples get stuck in trauma-fed reactive behaviors that keep them stuck. The diagram here explains Trauma-Informed Neurodiverse Couples Therapy as the path to lasting healing. Your therapist or coach will walk you step-by-step through the healing process. Trauma Cycle in Neurodiverse Couples This is the loop that keeps partners stuck. If you don’t interrupt it intentionally, it runs the relationship. Step 1: NT (Neuro-Typical) “Regular World” Reality: Everyday neurotypical norms create unintentional pressure on the ND partner to “be NT.” What it looks like: Rapid back-and-forth talk; reading between the lines; tone policing Unwritten rules about plans, timing, eye contact, social energy “If you cared, you’d just…” expectations across chores, parenting, money, sex, planning Impact: Not malice—just the default water the NT partner swims in. It still lands as pressure. Step 2: ND (Neuro-Divergent) – 1st-Level Coping (Masking) Reality: The ND partner masks to survive home/work demands. What it looks like: Acting “NT” to keep peace; rehearsed scripts; heavy self-monitoring High cognitive load, low authenticity; people-pleasing to avoid conflict Use Red/Yellow/Green capacity signals to communicate bandwidth without a fight Support moves: Masking boundaries: Agree on where masking is optional vs. harmful Spoon budgeting: Plan energy; stop spending spoons just to look “normal” Step 3: ND – Physical Cost Reality: Masking + constant adaptation drain the body. Fatigue hits. What it looks like: Sleep disruption; sensory hangovers; headaches, gut issues, immune dips Rising shutdown risk Support moves: Put Sleep • Food • Movement on a schedule (non-negotiable) Pre-plan recovery blocks, not “if there’s time” Step 4: ND – 2nd-Level Coping (Withdrawal) Reality: The ND partner withdraws to stabilize. What it looks like: Numbness or quiet; fewer words; reduced participation Looks like disinterest; actually a safety strategy Support moves (both partners): NT self-regulate first —don’t pursue while activated Use W.I.N. messages (see tool below) instead of criticism Schedule Critical Time Together (low-demand, predictable, short) Use a Relationship Schedule to kill decision fatigue Step 5: NT Trauma / “Cassandra Syndrome” Reality: The NT partner becomes flooded and feels unheard/rejected. What it looks like: Pursuing harder; “pep talks” that land as pressure; criticism spikes Rejection sensitivity on both sides escalates the spiral Support moves: Name the flood and pause Replace global criticism with specific, time-boxed asks using W.I.N. Step 6: ND – 3rd-Level Coping (Meltdown/Shutdown) Reality: The system tips. Meltdown or shutdown . What it looks like: Meltdown: escalation, overwhelm, explosive reactivity Shutdown: silent collapse, freeze, “checked out” Aftermath: regret, shame, isolation Emergency tools (decide in calm): Early-cue mindfulness (notice body first) Structured Time-Out (10 rules) : how to exit, where to go, how long, how to return Recovery Schedule to re-enter safely Step 7: ND – Trauma Impact (Loop Reset) Reality: Repetition hardens defenses and a failure narrative . What it looks like: “I’m the problem,” constant threat-scanning, distrust, depression/anxiety Living around the cycle instead of in relationship Support moves to stop the reset: Critical Time Apart (planned decompression, not punishment) Structured Exit Process during conflict to protect the bond Withdraw with reassurance (“I’m stepping away to calm, not to leave”) Committed re-engagement at a named time with a clear script Core Tools (Use Across the Cycle) Capacity & Energy Red/Yellow/Green Cards for bandwidth Spoon Theory for daily energy budgeting Communication & Safety W.I.N. Sharing + Response for hard topics (above) Structured Time-Outs (10 rules) for safe exits and returns Early-cue Mindfulness to spot escalation sooner Connection & Rhythm Relationship Schedule (predictable check-ins; low-demand time) Love List (small, specific actions that land for your partner) Critical Time Together (short, consistent, sensory-aware) Critical Time Apart (planned decompression) Recovery & Re-engagement Recovery Schedule after conflict Withdraw with reassurance Committed re-engagement at a specific time with a simple script The W.I.N. Tool Purpose: Clean, concrete communication that reduces overload and defensiveness. It has two sides: Sharing (speaker) and Response (listener). (From your handout.) 1) W.I.N. — Sharing (Speaker) When ____________________ (State your observations as facts —no judgments or mind-reading.) Example: “When I got home Wednesday, dishes were in the sink even though we agreed they’d be washed and put away.” I feel ____________________ (Name feelings, not accusations.) Example: “I feel disappointed, unsupported, and confused.” What I Need / would like to Negotiate is ____________________ (Make a specific, negotiable ask.) Example: “I need us to work better as a team and want to revisit how we share chores.” 2) W.I.N. — Response (Listener) Reflect the “When.” Show you heard the factual observation; use reflective listening. Validate the “I feel.” Example validation frame: “I can see how you’d feel disappointed and unsupported when you came home to unwashed dishes—that makes sense.” Be curious about the “N/Needs.” Ask open questions; invite options and shared problem-solving. Example: “Tell me more about what ‘better team’ looks like. What ideas do you have for chore-sharing?” Non-negotiables: Reflect → Validate → Curiosity (in that order). No fixing, defending, or counter-attacks during Response. The Good News If you change any of the steps above , the cycle begins to change . Pick two tools (W.I.N. + one scheduling or capacity tool) and practice them every day for four weeks . Consistency—not intensity—breaks the loop. Download Below: Trauma Cycle - Neurodiverse Couples -backup 8-12-22.pdf-2 .pdf Download PDF • 132KB Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Meet Emma and Lucas (not their real names) . After years of misunderstanding and failed attempts with therapists who didn’t grasp the nuances of their neurodiverse relationship, they’re at their breaking point. Their latest fight was the last straw : Emma felt dismissed when Lucas forgot their anniversary, and Lucas was overwhelmed by Emma’s emotional response. Emma threatens divorce. But it doesn’t mean very much because she never acts on it. They don’t know what to do. Desperation brought them to me with one GIGANTIC question: Should we try to save this relationship? On the Brink When a neurodiverse marriage is on the brink of falling apart, couples face the hardest choice of their lives. Here are some of the questions that haunt them: Is this a phase in marriage that will pass? Is this just a personal crisis? Do I even want to work on it? If I make a decision to work on it, how can I be confident that it is the right one for me, or for us? What have I missed? Do I have a blind spot? Is my neurodiverse partner capable of change? Am I? Is it fair for me to ask him/her to change if that's not who he/she really is? What happens to our children? Will they be better off with us staying together in an unhappy marriage? Do I really understand the downside of divorce? Whether to stay married or get divorced is a multi-layered decision process. One that will confound even the most discerning people. You will second guess yourself, ruminate over the decision, and even drive yourself to depression. Sometimes you'll be tempted to decide just to end the misery of uncertainty. Discernment Counseling: A Path Forward Fortunately, there’s a way to help couples get unstuck: Discernment Counseling. The goal of Discernment Counseling isn’t to solve your marital problems but to determine if they can be solved. We answer 2 questions: What would have to change to make this relationship work? Are we willing to sign up to work on the relationship for 6 months? The Big Difference: Unlike traditional couples counseling, which fights to save the marriage, Discernment Counseling focuses solely on helping couples decide what they want to do with their relationship. Ready to Take the Next Step? Get Started with a Discernment Counselor Nuts and Bolts of Discernment Counseling Discernment Counseling: Is a structured assessment process , not treatment. Is a brief, time-limited process, typically completed in five sessions or less. Slows down the impulse to act, encouraging a longer view of your marriage and a broader range of choices. Provides the key information needed to evaluate the relationship and take action—either to pursue a divorce or commit to a six-month course of intensive neuro-informed couples therapy. For neurodiverse couples, this information includes the input of a neuro-informed couples specialist who can explain what a 6-month therapy roadmap should look like for a neurodiverse couple. Identifies core areas each partner needs to work on , giving clarity on what each person needs to change. Answers the question: "Are you willing to work on changing your contributions to the marriage?" If both partners answer "yes" to this question, they move forward and start working on their relationship intensely. After six months, they revisit the question about whether to divorce, but by then, they have more knowledge and clarity about the true viability of their marriage. By the way, some couples just can’t sign up for 6 months. It’s just too long so we break it up into 2 blocks of 3 months each where we revisit discernment after the first block to make sure we’re on track. If either partner answers "no" , your discernment counselor will support you in a healthy separation process or find ways to make the best of the status quo. Beacon of Hope We understand how lonely and desperate couples feel when on the brink of separation or divorce. Discernment Counseling offers a beacon of hope. Couples who go through this process often feel much better, no matter what path they ultimately choose. It provides clarity, reduces uncertainty, and instills a sense of empowerment. There is always hope, and we are here to support you every step of the way. Meet Our Client Care Coordinator With heartfelt best wishes, Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Are You Sensitive to Noises, Textures, etc...? Want to better understand your sensory struggles? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take the SPM-2 Questionnaire Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Autism relationships Communication Feel defeated by miscommunication? Think autistic-neurotypical relationships are doomed to struggle? Research says otherwise . Autistic adults report being just as satisfied in relationships as anyone else. But here’s the nuance. What predicts satisfaction isn’t neurotype. It’s responsiveness— the ability to notice and respond to your partner’s needs. That’s the strongest predictor of happiness—for both autistic and neurotypical partners. So why do so many couples still get stuck? Because of the “ double empathy problem ”. It’s not just one partner missing cues. It’s BOTH partners misreading each other. An autistic partner may go quiet to recharge. A neurotypical partner may read that silence as rejection. That’s the double empathy problem in action. That mismatch can quietly erode connection. But it doesn’t have to. Therapy gives you the tools to close the gap. You can’t go halfway. We help BOTH partners fully see the other side. We help neurotypical partners see the hidden positives in autistic traits. We help autistic partners share their needs in ways that land. We teach couples how to turn missed signals into moments of understanding. The result? More clarity. More connection. More satisfaction—for both of you. Love doesn’t depend on sameness. It depends on learning how to respond across difference. Ready to make that shift in your relationship? Click here to schedule a session today Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Jamison Haase Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Autism, ADHD Men, Neurodiversity, & A New Masculinity Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Trauma-Informed Emotional Regulation Attachment Communication Family Conflict Emotional Intimacy Life Experience Fifteen years in a neurodiverse marriage, bringing lived wisdom to couples navigating misinterpretations, blame cycles, and the search for real connection. Late ADHD diagnosis transformed decades of shame into a mission: helping partners understand neurology, reduce guilt, and build systems that support love instead of eroding it. Parenting neurodiverse kids provides firsthand insight into decoding behavior, creating accommodations, and protecting bonds through overwhelm and sensory storms. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT # 151355 , Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Jamison Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

At first glance, it sounds alarming. A 450% increase in autism diagnoses among adults aged 26 to 34. Back in 2011, only about 91,000 adults in that age group had received a diagnosis. * In 2022, that number was more than 500,000 . Really!? Are autistic people multiplying like rabbits? Or is there something in the environment that is causing autism? Or are more people finally being seen? Here’s the truth: This isn’t an epidemic. The growth is a result of long-overdue recognition. For decades, autistic adults—especially women, BIPOC individuals, and those with “internalized” traits—were misdiagnosed or missed entirely. They spent years masking, struggling, over-explaining, and burning out—without a name for what they were carrying. If you're curious, our autism screeners are a good place to start. And for couples, that recognition can change everything. Because when one partner is neurodivergent—and neither of you knows it—misunderstandings multiply. 💔 One partner feels disconnected. 💔 The other feels constantly criticized. 💔 Small moments turn into spirals. 💔 Both partners become the worst versions of themselves! But once the true dynamic is named, the blame and shame slowly melt away. What felt like emotional distance starts to look like sensory overload. What looked like shutdown starts to make sense as a nervous system needing recovery. What felt like rejection gets reframed as a missed signal—not a lack of love. Finally healing is possible. It’s not about fixing each other. It’s about finally understanding each other. And that’s the power of recognition. If you're wondering whether neurodivergence might be part of your story—yours or your partner’s—we’re here. We offer free autism screeners , in-depth autism assessments , individual support , and neuro-informed couples therapy . You’re not broken. You’re not alone. We can't wait to hear from you ! With clarity and care, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center an d Adult Autism Assessment Center Take the First Step to Self-Discovery 🔦 Spotlight on Dre Meller Specialties AuDHD, Autism, ADHD Sex/Physical Intimacy Emotional Regulation Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Blended Families, Brainspotting Emotionally Focused Therapy LGBTQIA+ Communication Emotional Intimacy Trauma-Informed Personal Experience AuDHD (Autistic + ADHD) therapist with firsthand experience navigating neurodivergence In a 21-year relationship with autistic partner; raising four neurodivergent children (ages 6–30) Provides a safe, non-masking space where clients can explore relationships, identity, and life on their terms Learn more about Dre! * Note : Autism diagnosis figures are based on a reported 450% increase among U.S. adults aged 26–34 between 2011 and 2022, as documented in the study “ Autism Diagnosis Among US Children and Adults, 2011–2022 ” published in JAMA Network Open (2024). Population estimates used to calculate absolute numbers are based on U.S. Census Bureau data from 2022, which places the U.S. population at approximately 332 million, with 13.7% (about 45.5 million people) aged 26–34. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Our Neurodiverse Specialists are ready to help you work on your relationship. Whether one or both of you are autistic, have ADHD, or are otherwise neurodivergent, we are here to help! < Back Empowering Neurodiverse Relationships 🌿 I believe that neurodiverse couples can thrive when they are given the tools and support to better understand each other. Through neurodiverse couples counseling , I guide partners in embracing their differences. My goal is to help transform challenges into opportunities for growth and building fulfilling, connected relationships that honor each partner’s unique strengths. Specialties: Neurodiverse Couples Trauma Parenting (Neurotypical and Neurodiverse) Sex Addiction Substance Use Addiction Inner Child Work/Parts Work Life Experience Autistic & ADHD (AuDHD) Partner to a neurodiverse husband Mother to 2 wonderful children Identifies as a queer woman Experience being in recovery from addiction Clients: Couples Individuals Teens Families Group Therapy Modalities: IFS (Internal Family Systems) Family Systems Gottman Method Bowenian Family Therapy Emotionally-focused Therapy Solution-focused Therapy Trauma Informed Therapy My Professional Journey with Neurodiversity I believe my work as a therapist is enriched by a unique blend of personal and professional insights, particularly in the realm of neurodiversity. As an autistic woman also living with ADHD , I bring a deep, lived understanding of how neurodiverse traits—such as communication styles, sensory sensitivities, and emotional processing —impact relationships. My professional background, which includes working as a physician and now as an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist allows me to support my clients in both the emotional and practical aspects of building healthier, more connected relationships. Through my own journey with neurodiversity, I’ve come to understand how differences can be both challenging and transformative. These experiences shape my empathetic approach, especially in helping couples navigate the unique dynamics that neurodiversity introduces into their relationships. Personal Experiences That Shape My Work As a queer woman in recovery from addiction, my personal experiences have been integral to my coaching practice. I’ve embarked on a long journey of self-discovery, working through childhood trauma, complex family dynamics, grief, loss, and understanding my own neurodiverse identity. These lived experiences allow me to connect authentically with clients, offering them a compassionate and empowering approach to their own struggles. My background enables me to provide a supportive environment for those who are navigating similar challenges in their relationships. Neurodiversity in My Family Life While raising my two wonderful children, my understanding of neurodiversity deepened. This understanding became even more personal when my husband was recently diagnosed with ADHD , further expanding my knowledge of neurodiverse relationships. These insights into both autism and ADHD have shaped my personal life and professional practice. They have also enhanced my ability to guide couples through their own neurodiverse relationships. Whether through parenting, marriage, or coaching, I’ve come to appreciate the complexities and gifts that neurodiversity brings to relationships. From Addiction to Recovery My struggle with addiction was deeply tied to feelings of overstimulation and stress, common traits among neurodiverse individuals. This experience led me to a place where I felt disconnected from myself and those I loved. The "gift of desperation" prompted me to seek help, and through years of recovery, including support from Alcoholics Anonymous and individual coaching, I found my way back to myself. Through this process, I realized that addiction doesn’t just impact the individual—it profoundly affects relationships . I believe that healthy relationships can be a foundation for healing, offering a supportive environment where both partners can grow and reconnect. My personal journey of recovery fuels my passion to help others experience this transformation in their lives and relationships. Couples and Neurodiversity 🧠 Neurodiverse traits—such as variations in communication styles, emotional processing, and sensory sensitivities—can deeply impact relationships. However, when these differences are understood and embraced , they can become a source of strength rather than tension. In my practice, I work collaboratively with couples to enhance communication, manage conflict, and embrace their unique differences. By creating a supportive environment for exploration and dialogue, I help couples build empathy and connection , ultimately leading to a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship. Navigating Neurodiversity and Addiction 💔 Neurodiverse individuals are more prone to addiction due to a variety of factors, including challenges with impulse control, emotional regulation, and difficulties with social interaction. Traits associated with neurodiversity, such as heightened stress responses and sensory overwhelm, can make certain individuals more vulnerable to seeking coping mechanisms through substances or compulsive behaviors like sex addiction. Unfortunately, these behaviors can create a cycle of isolation and emotional disconnection within relationships. In my coaching practice, I work with both sex addiction and substance use addiction, understanding that while they share similarities, they also present unique challenges. Both forms of addiction can create profound rifts in a relationship, leading to trust issues, secrecy, and emotional distance . However, they differ in how they manifest and impact the couple. Substance use often affects daily functioning and physical health, while sex addiction can result in deep feelings of betrayal and shame, particularly for the hurt partner. License: Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #153124 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, LGBTQIA+, Addiction, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Sex/Physical Intimacy, Emotional Intimacy, ADHD, Autism, Trauma-Informed, Internal Family Systems, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients Malori Evans Take an Autism Test

There’s a kind of pain that doesn’t show up on the outside. You’re still functioning. You’re getting through the day. But inside, you’re quietly falling apart. That’s what Cassandra Syndrome feels like. The name comes from Greek mythology. Cassandra was given the gift of prophecy—but cursed so that no one would believe her. She could see the truth. She cried out. And she was ignored. Sound familiar? You try to connect with your partner. You explain, you ask, you plead. And somehow… they still don’t get it. You end up feeling invisible. Like your emotions are too much. Like you’re the problem for wanting connection. And over time, something starts to crack. You begin to lose your sense of self. You question your reality. You feel emotionally starved in a relationship that looks fine on the outside. We see this all the time —especially in couples where one partner may be autistic or otherwise neurodivergent. It’s not about blaming your partner. It’s about recognizing that you are stuck in a painful cycle that’s eroding your strength. First, we help you reclaim your sense of self — your voice, your clarity, your wholeness. Only then can we work on healing the relationship itself, from a place of true stability. That’s why we created something new. It’s called the Cassandra Syndrome – Relationship & Identity Distress Scale (CS-RIDS-24 ). It’s a short, 5–7 minute self-assessment to help you name what’s happening inside you. It breaks your experience down into four areas: 💔 Relational Distress The constant ache of not feeling emotionally safe or close. 🧍♀️ Identity Erosion You’re still you—but barely. You can’t find your own voice anymore. 🗣️ Communication & Validation You say the words. They hear something else. And the cycle continues. 💪 Coping & Resilience You’re hanging in there. But it’s costing you more than anyone knows. Your total score gives you a clear picture of the weight you’re carrying. The four subscale scores help you—and your therapist—know where to begin healing. This tool was made by our team. For people like you. 👉 Take the CS-RIDS-24 Assessment If you’re living in that silent heartbreak… You’re not being dramatic. You’re not broken. And you’re not alone. We’re here for you—whether you need one-on-one support or want help navigating this together as a couple. With care, Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center and Believing Cassandra Take the First Step 🔦 Spotlight on Heather Emerson-Young Specialties Neurodivergent Couples Autistic Individuals & Family Members ADHD & Executive Functioning Support Complex Trauma & PTSD Substance Use & Co-Occurring Disorders Co-Parenting Challenges Parenting Twice Exceptional Children Identity & Self-Acceptance Specialist in Neurodiverse Relationships Life Experience Lived Experience in a Neurodiverse Marriage Mother of Two Unique Children – Parenting an 18-year-old and a 13-year-old. Diverse Educational Background – Master’s in Marriage & Family Therapy, degrees in Communication, and a Doctorate in Education Experience Across Multiple Fields – Over five years in nonprofit work supporting the unhoused, LGBTQ+ communities, and individuals with learning disabilities Dedicated Educator – Adjunct professor at community college, undergraduate, and graduate levels Neurodiversity-Affirming Therapist – Using evidence-based and strength-focused approaches to support clients Learn more about Heather! Disclaimer: The CS-RIDS-24 is intended for personal reflection and informational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional support from a licensed therapist. For a deeper understanding of your experience and personalized care, we encourage you to speak with one of our neuro-informed clinicians. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

M enopaus e a neurodiverse communication Do apologies seem to make things worse? Do you dread apologizing? Why do apologies go sideways in neurodiverse relationships?Because intent and impact get lost in translation. All couples fight. The happy ones are able to repair. Here are three apologies that backfire—and what to try instead: “Sorry you feel that way.” This dismisses impact and centers the speaker. Say this instead: “I can see I hurt you. That’s on me. Here’s what I’ll do differently tonight: put away my phone during dinner.” Why it works: Responsibility + concrete next step rebuilds trust. “The reason I did it is…” Explanations feel like excuses when pain is fresh. Say this instead: “First, I own it. I interrupted you in front of your parents. I’ll make a repair by naming it and apologizing in front of them.” Why it works: Ownership before context, and a specific repair offer. “I’m sorry, but you know how my brain works.” Neurotype is real, but “but” erases the apology. Say this instead: “My ADHD/autism made this hard, AND I still owe you follow-through. I’ll set a 6 p.m. alarm and text you a photo of the mailed check.” Why it works: Acknowledges neurotype + commits to an observable behavior. When you get apologies right, it’s a huge relief. But how do we learn to do this? Make your apologies neurodiversity-smart. Use clear, literal language. Skip sarcasm, hints, and loaded questions. Name the impact in the partner’s terms. Impact beats intent when repairing trust. Offer a micro-repair that is visible and time-bound. Think “what will my partner see by 7 p.m.?” Expect different apology needs by neurotype. Mixed neurotype pairs often misread sincerity and tone. That’s a two-way gap, not a character flaw. Build a shared repair script. Speaker: “I own what I did: [behavior] . I see it landed as [impact] . I will [specific repair] by [time] .” Listener: “Thanks for owning it. What I need most next time is [one behavior] . I’m open to hearing brief context later.” If apologies keep stalling, use a daily check-in ritual. Ask: “Any repairs owed?” Track it in writing so working memory and shame don’t hijack progress. Why this matters for ADHD: Relationships with untreated ADHD report higher conflict and shorter stability. Repairs must be simple, externalized, and scheduled. Bottom line. Don’t chase the perfect apology. Chase the measurable repair. If apologies keep missing each other, we can help you build a shared repair language that fits both brains. [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Jenny Pan Specialties Neurodiverse & Neurotypical Couples Counseling Complex PTSD Cassandra Support Divorce & Blended Family Work Parenting Autism and ADHD Betrayal & Affairs Recovery Work Multicultural Relationship Challenges LGBTQ+ Affirming and Relationship Support Life Experience Lived 15 Years in a Neurodivergent Marriage Before either of us had language for autism or ADHD, we struggled to connect across invisible neurological lines. I know firsthand the exhaustion, confusion, and deep love that coexist in neurodiverse relationships—and how understanding changes everything. Raised Two Neurodivergent Children in a Blended Family Parenting through sensory sensitivities, shifting routines, and co-parenting across households taught me empathy in action. Our family is beautifully complex, living proof that difference and connection can thrive together. Bridged Cultures, Languages, and Identities As a first-generation Taiwanese American, I learned early how to translate between worlds—Mandarin and English, East and West, expectation and emotion. That experience now guides how I help multicultural and neurodiverse couples find shared meaning without losing themselves. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT # 155590, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Jenny! Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References Chapple, M., et al. (2021). Overcoming the Double Empathy Problem. NIH/PMC. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8354525/ PMC Crompton, C. J., et al. (2020). Neurotype-matching… rapport in autistic vs non-autistic pairs. Frontiers in Psychology. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.586171/full Frontiers Driver, J. L., & Gottman, J. M. (2004). Daily marital interactions and positive affect during conflict. https://scottbarrykaufman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Driver-and-Gottman-2004.pdf Scott Barry Kaufman Ginapp, C. M., et al. (2023). The experiences of adults with ADHD in interpersonal relationships. NIH/PMC. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10399076/ PMC Lewicki, R. J., Polin, B., & Lount, R. (2016). An Exploration of the Structure of Effective Apologies. Negotiation and Conflict Management Research. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/ncmr.12073 Wiley Online Library Milton, D. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: the ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/09687599.2012.710008 Taylor & Francis Online Ohio State University News (2016). The 6 elements of an effective apology. https://news.osu.edu/the-6-elements-of-an-effective-apology-according-to-science/ news.osu.edu Wymbs, B. T. (2021). Adult ADHD and romantic relationships: What we know and need to know. PubMed. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33421168/ PubMed Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Autism and ADHD in Asian communities I’m Jenny—Chinese American, bilingual in Mandarin and English, and neurodivergent. I know what it’s like to grow up in a culture where therapy is shunned. In my Chinese and Taiwanese culture, therapy is often seen as a sign of weakness or a source of shame—something that causes a person to "lose face." Self-reflection may feel like betrayal. I spent years trying to fit into 2 cultures, staying quiet, and keeping the peace. That mindset cost me my energy and parts of myself I’m still reclaiming. Now I work with clients who are tired of masking, tired of translating their needs, and tired of being misunderstood—even by people they love. If you’re neurodivergent and Asian, you’ve probably felt caught between two worlds as well. Honor your culture, or honor your nervous system. I’m here to tell you: you don’t have to choose. Collaborate and celebrate. Our team— Lea Choi , Daniel Chung , Maring Higa , Nancy Rushing , and me —brings lived experience with Chinese, Taiwanese, Japanese, Filipino, and Korean cultures. We also have lived experience with Autism, ADHD, AuDHD, and the relationship challenges that come with different ways of processing the world we live in. If you feel like you're not "enough" in your own skin, you're not alone. We don’t do stereotypes. We don’t do shame and blame. We do neuro-informed therapy, cultural context, and practical tools for building connection. We do it in a way that doesn’t cost you your identity. Ready to be seen, heard, and understood? 👉 Schedule a confidential consult Warmly, Jenny Pan Culturally Sensitive Therapist for Neurodivergent Clients at Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Learn more about Jenny! Get Matched with a Therapist © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

You’ve been wondering for a while. You ’ve read a few articles. Listened to a podcast. And now the question is sitting quietly in your mind— Is my partner autistic? But you haven’t said it out loud. Not to him. Not yet. You’re afraid it’ll sound like a diagnosis. Or a criticism. So you keep it to yourself, feeling stuck. Here’s the good news— You don’t have to start with a label. You can start with traits. Does your partner take things literally? Avoid emotional conversations? Struggle with physical affection? Collapse after socializing? Seem distant during intimacy? Get easily overwhelmed by light, sound, or change? Feel crushed by criticism or rejection? These patterns are real. They’re measurable. You can ask him to take our "trait" screeners.It ’s often easier than asking him to take an autism test. You don’t need to say “I think you’re autistic.” You can just say, “These traits show up in our relationship. I’d love to understand them better.” That invitation can lower defenses. It’s not about judgment. It’s about clarity. We offer screeners that help identify the traits behind the behavior —Without pressure. Without jumping to conclusions. We offer a full range of screeners to explore autistic traits: CAT-Q – Camouflaging RBQ-2A – Repetitive behaviors and mental loops EDA-QA – Demand avoidance and control-seeking Monotropism Questionnaire – Deep focus and difficulty multitasking We also look at emotions: TAS-20 – Alexithymia , trouble identifying your own emotions OAQ-G2 – A second lens on alexithymia And we go deeper into areas that impact relationships: ABTI-24 – Burnout ASIM-24 – Sexual intimacy RSD-24 – Rejection sensitivity These tools don’t define a person. They help explain what’s happening. They give couples new language. You don’t need to chase a diagnosis to make progress. Start with traits. Start with clarity. And when you’re ready, We’ll help you turn insight into change. Click here to schedule a free consultation. Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Get Matched with a Therapist © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Maring Hinga Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Autism, ADHD, AuDHD Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Blended Families Cassandra Syndrome Support Somatic Therapies Internal Family Systems Trauma healing Life Experience Lived through a neurodiverse marriage that ended in divorce, gaining firsthand insight into the challenges of misaligned communication, emotional rhythms, and unmet needs. Over a decade into a new, hard-earned partnership, navigating the ongoing work of blending families, healing old wounds, and choosing connection over comfort—even when it’s hard. Brings real-world empathy to couples work, shaped by personal experience with both disconnection and deep repair, offering grounded support instead of quick fixes. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #145908, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Maring Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

HSP for Individuals Highly Sensitive Person (HSP): A Deeper Understanding Do you often feel overwhelmed by loud noises, bright lights, or strong smells? Maybe you’ve been told you’re "too sensitive" or that you need to toughen up. If this sounds familiar, you might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). This trait, found in 15-20% of the population, describes individuals whose nervous systems are wired to process sensory input more deeply. Being an HSP is not a disorder —you won’t find it in the DSM. However, it plays a significant role in how people experience the world. Understanding this trait can transform relationships, helping couples and individuals navigate its challenges and embrace its unique strengths. Not sure where to start? Our free questionnaire was designed to help you understand your level of sensitivity and emotional/sensory responsiveness. It measures four key traits commonly associated with high sensitivity: Depth of Processing, Overstimulation, Emotional Reactivity, and Sensitivity to Subtleties. Take the HSP Questionnaire What is HSP? H ighly Sensitive People possess a blend of qualities that make their experiences in the world different, including: Depth of Processing HSPs process all types of information more deeply than others. They are more reflective, often taking longer to make decisions because of their detailed thought process. This depth of processing includes both conscious analysis of conversations and unconscious gut feelings. Overarousability HSPs notice more than others in any given situation—be it emotions, noise levels, or even subtle smells. This hyper-awareness is advantageous but can also lead to overarousal and stress, especially in overwhelming environments. Emotional Intensity HSPs feel emotions intensely, both positive and negative. This heightened emotional responsiveness makes them empathetic, as they are more attuned to others' feelings. Sensory Sensitivity HSPs are highly sensitive to subtle environmental stimuli, which can help them notice potential dangers but also makes them more vulnerable to discomfort from loud noises, bright lights, or even certain foods. Risk Evaluation HSPs are excellent strategists and tend to plan ahead, carefully evaluating risks before acting. Their sensitivity tempers impulsive behavior, making them cautious adventurers Helping Individuals with HSP For individuals, navigating the world with heightened sensitivity can feel overwhelming, but it also comes with a range of gifts that can be harnessed with the right support. Therapy for HSPs focuses on managing the challenges while celebrating the unique strengths this trait offers. Managing Overstimulation : One of the most common difficulties HSPs face is managing sensory and emotional overload. Whether it's loud environments, chaotic workspaces, or emotionally intense situations, HSPs can easily become overwhelmed. Therapy can provide practical tools for recognizing signs of overstimulation early and implementing coping mechanisms, such as taking breaks, finding quiet spaces, or practicing mindfulness techniques. Building Boundaries : HSPs often feel others’ emotions deeply, making them prone to taking on the stress or discomfort of those around them. Learning to set emotional boundaries is essential for preserving energy and preventing burnout. Therapy can help HSPs develop the confidence to assert their needs in both personal and professional settings, allowing them to protect their well-being without feeling guilty or selfish. Reframing Sensitivity : Many HSPs have been told throughout their lives that they’re "too sensitive" or that their traits are a weakness. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy or frustration. Therapy helps individuals reframe their sensitivity as a strength, highlighting how their empathy, intuition, and emotional intelligence can positively impact their relationships, work, and personal fulfillment. Handling Negative Feedback : HSPs are particularly vulnerable to criticism, which can be felt more deeply and linger longer than for non-HSPs. Therapy can help HSPs develop healthier ways of processing feedback, turning it into constructive learning opportunities rather than internalizing it as a reflection of their worth. Embracing a Rich Inner Life : Many HSPs have a vivid imagination and a deep connection to art, nature, and beauty. Therapy can encourage HSPs to embrace these traits as sources of joy and fulfillment, helping them cultivate practices that nourish their inner world, whether through creative outlets, mindfulness practices, or spending time in environments that inspire them. By working with a therapist who understands the unique needs of HSPs, individuals can learn to thrive in a world that often feels too intense. HSP Overlaps with Other Neurodiversities HSP traits can overlap with aspects of other neurodiverse conditions such as autism or ADHD. For example: Autism : Both HSPs and autistic individuals can experience sensory sensitivities, though for different reasons. Autistic individuals may struggle with processing sensory stimuli, while HSPs tend to process stimuli more deeply on an emotional level. > Is Your Autistic Teen Struggling With HSP? Teens Unmask Therapy Center is our trusted partner practice offering virtual counseling for teens who are autistic or exploring the possibility of being autistic. Many of our therapists are autistic themselves and bring compassionate, specialized support in areas like HSP, communication, sensory overwhelm, and mental health. Our team creates a safe, affirming space where neurodivergent teens can feel understood and empowered. Learn more below: Teens Unmask Therapy Center ADHD : HSPs may experience a similar sense of overwhelm in busy environments as someone with ADHD, but where ADHD might be characterized by difficulty focusing, HSPs are often over-focused on emotional and sensory details. Exploring these overlaps in therapy can help neurodiverse individuals and couples find ways to better understand each other and work together. Is Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) a Disorder? Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), the trait underlying HSP, is not a disorder but rather a natural variation in how the nervous system processes sensory information. While it can coexist with conditions like autism or ADHD, it is distinct in important ways: Empathy and Social Sensitivity : SPS involves high levels of empathy and responsiveness to social stimuli, traits that are often absent in conditions like high-functioning autism. This makes SPS more about deep social and emotional engagement rather than social difficulty. Attention Span : Although HSPs may be misdiagnosed with ADHD, they tend to have good concentration in quiet, calm environments. ADHD typically presents with a more consistent challenge in maintaining attention, regardless of the setting. Despite the challenges of overstimulation and emotional intensity, SPS offers a range of advantages, including heightened intuition, creativity, and empathy. For some, however, the trait can lead to vulnerabilities, such as anxiety or depression, particularly if they feel misunderstood or isolated. Therapy can provide valuable psychoeducational support, helping HSPs navigate these challenges while embracing their sensitivity as a strength. We're here and ready to help! Understand Your Sensory Sensitivity: Get Expert Guidance with Our Sensory Assessment If you’re wondering whether your sensitivity might be part of a broader sensory processing pattern, you may benefit from taking the Sensory Processing Measure, Second Edition (SPM-2) . The SPM-2 is a widely recognized tool used to assess how individuals process sensory information in various environments, such as at home, work, or in social situations. What is the SPM-2? The SPM-2 measures different aspects of sensory processing, including how people respond to visual, auditory, tactile, and other sensory stimuli. It can help identify specific areas where a person may struggle with sensory integration, such as difficulty filtering out background noise or heightened sensitivity to touch. How Does It Relate to HSP? While the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait is not the same as sensory processing disorder (SPD) or other sensory challenges, there are overlapping characteristics. Both HSPs and individuals with sensory processing challenges may: Experience overstimulation in busy or noisy environments Feel overwhelmed by certain textures, sounds, or bright lights Require more downtime or space after social interactions However, HSP focuses more on emotional and social sensitivity , along with a deeper level of processing information, whereas sensory processing disorders tend to be more about how the brain interprets sensory input from the environment. How Can the SPM-2 Help? For individuals who are uncertain if their experiences stem from sensory processing difficulties or their HSP trait , the SPM-2 provides valuable insight. Under the guidance of our trained clinicians, this assessment can: Clarify if sensory sensitivities are part of a more significant sensory processing challenge Identify areas where targeted support might reduce overstimulation and stress Guide therapy to address both the emotional and sensory aspects of sensitivity, creating a more holistic treatment approach Schedule Your SPM-2 Assessment Today At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, our clinicians are experienced in using the SPM-2 to help individuals understand their sensory profiles. If you’re interested in exploring how sensory processing might be influencing your experience, we invite you to take this assessment as part of your therapeutic journey. Contact us to schedule an SPM-2 assessment with one of our expert clinicians and start gaining deeper insight into your sensory and emotional world. Contact Us Today! 🧸 HSP in Children vs. Adults Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) traits manifest differently in children and adults due to differences in life experience, coping mechanisms, and social environments. HSP in Children Highly sensitive children often stand out early on. They may: React Strongly to Stimuli: Loud noises, bright lights, or crowded environments can overwhelm them quickly. They may cover their ears or retreat from overstimulation. Be Emotionally Intuitive: Even as young children, HSPs are highly attuned to the emotions of those around them. They can often sense when a parent or peer is upset, even if nothing has been said. Struggle with Transitions: Shifting from one activity to another, like going from playtime to schoolwork, may be particularly hard for HSP children, who need more time to process the change. Require More Downtime: After social activities, these children may need more quiet, alone time to recharge. For children, these traits can be difficult to manage without the right support. Parents and teachers often misunderstand their behaviors as shyness or moodiness, leading to feelings of frustration or isolation. Early intervention—whether through parenting strategies, school accommodations, or child therapy—can make a significant difference in how an HSP child learns to manage their sensitivity. HSP in Adults As adults, HSPs have often developed coping strategies for navigating their sensitivity, though the challenges remain. Adult HSPs may: Have Better Emotional Regulation: Over time, many HSPs learn how to recognize their emotional triggers and manage them more effectively. They might still feel deeply, but they’ve often developed ways to avoid being overwhelmed by these feelings. Face Workplace Challenges: HSP adults might find office environments particularly draining, especially if they involve a lot of noise, social interaction, or pressure to multitask. However, their sensitivity can also make them excellent problem-solvers and creative thinkers. Maintain More Balanced Relationships: With age, adult HSPs can better communicate their needs in relationships. They are likely to seek out supportive, understanding partners who respect their sensitivity. Still Require Alone Time: Just like in childhood, HSP adults need time to recharge after social interactions or stressful environments. They may schedule alone time or quiet activities to prevent burnout. The key difference between HSPs in childhood and adulthood is the level of self-awareness. Adults are typically more equipped to recognize their own needs and assert them, whereas children rely more on parents or caregivers to create supportive environments. Therapy can help both children and adults find the best ways to thrive in their personal and social environments. 5 Great Books on HSP The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron - The essential guide to understanding HSP traits and learning how to embrace them. Learn more The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine Aron - A must-read for HSPs navigating love and relationships. Learn more The Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Orloff - Practical strategies for managing emotions and boundaries as an HSP or empath. Learn more Quiet by Susan Cain - An exploration of introverts, many of whom share HSP traits, and how to thrive in a noisy world. Learn more The Highly Sensitive Parent by Elaine Aron - For HSPs who are navigating the joys and challenges of parenthood. Learn more Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Neurodiverse Couples Counseling TIP: Want answers fast? Check out our 📄 Quick Guide on Neurodiverse Couples Counseling for key facts, FAQs , and why you should choose us. THE NEURODIVERSITY MAGNET Initially, an autistic partner and a neurotypical partner feel a strong initial attraction to each other and couple up. The neurotypical may be attracted to the autistic partner's stability, focus and intelligence. The autistic partner may appreciate the neurotypical helping him or her navigate social situations. The neurotypical may be the autistic partner's special interest , at least during the dating period. Typically, the neurotypical soaks up the attention. They may view themselves as complementary, a perfect fit - like a "magnet" has pulled them together. Many couples we see through our California telehealth practice — whether based in Los Angeles, San Jose, San Francisco, Pasadena, or smaller towns across the state — describe this initial stage as feeling like the perfect fit. DIFFERENCES TURN INTO DYSFUNCTIONAL PATTERNS Yet, it is easy for these neurological differences to lead to wires getting crossed. Building and maintaining an emotional connection becomes more difficult if a couple discovers that they speak "different languages" and have a disparity in how they think and experience emotions. Without the tools to understand and constructively deal with neurodiversity, these differences are often interpreted negatively which, over time, become cemented into dysfunctional traumatic patterns which: degrade trust in each other and the relationship, cause one or both partners to pursue, withdraw and/or explode, lead to feelings of blame, shame, isolation, hopelessness, sadness, disappointment, confusion, loneliness and abandonment, lead to a diminished sex life, make shared efforts, like parenting, more difficult, and gradually weakens the the "relationship house." THERAPY FOR NEURODIVERSE COUPLES EMPATHY IS POSSIBLE Therapists who are not experienced with neurodiversity often tell clients married to autistic adults that their partner cannot feel empathy and cannot truly love. This is dangerous feedback because it is simply not true. Although partners with Autism may process feelings differently , the are fully capable of empathy and love. Autistic adults are often shocked to find that their partner’s faith in their love and loyalty could be compromised by a forgotten good-bye or missed eye-contact. Typically, clients with autism feel empathy but often need a structured process to receive the feelings from his partner, connect with her feelings, and learn to reciprocate the feelings back. That is where our team comes in. SUPPORT FOR COUPLE AND EACH PARTNER There are several ways our team of therapists and coaches support neurodiversity: meet with the couple together (see more below), have a separate therapist or coach meet with each partner individually to provide emotional support and skills training for: the neurotypical spouse , and the neurodiverse partner Find Out How We Can Help! SPECIFIC STEPS FOR COUPLES THERAPY WHAT NOT TO DO: There are plenty of traps when trying to heal your neurodiverse relationship so it is very easy to focus on the wrong thing. Here's a short list of things we will not focus on: Convincing the autistc partner who doesn't see the need to change that he/she should. People on the spectrum may have been misunderstood for most of their lives so they have a good reason to be stubborn. Change comes from understanding, not from pressure. Trying to find the right carrot and stick to finally motivate your partner. Getting the diagnosis exactly right. Even with the right label, the problems are still there! See more on this on our diagnosis page . Punishment and manipulation (It just tends to put them deeper into "Defense Mode"). WHAT TO DO: Instead, we work together to eliminate the counter-productive patterns (mostly based on misunderstanding) that have developed during their relationship, accept each other's differences, and follow a clear roadmap to increase closeness: CREATING SAFETY: Learning basic communication strategies as a foundation for communicating during counseling sessions; Creating a safe space where the couple can begin to suspend judgment, see each other's unique qualities and strengths, and reset expectations without resentment. This may include a discussion of meltdowns, aggressive pursuit of a withdrawn partner or any other behaviors that may be experienced as reducing emotional or physical safety. ASSESSING: Identifying and naming the dysfunctional relational patterns that have build up over years and may be rooted in unaddressed neurological differences; Considering other factors (not related to neurological differences) that may be impacting the relationship; Assessing levels of motivation and making a commitment to the couples work; Self-exploration and self-awareness through sharing personal history (including family of origin), successes and wounds; Exploring how you personal story is impacting the relationship; Identifying deeper unmet needs for each partner; Identifying how each partner may be coping to get needs met or to simply survive (angry or critical pursuit, silent withdrawal,,); Understanding and expressing how each partner's neurological make-up impacts needs and coping strategies; Pursuing a diagnosis (COMPLETELY OPTIONAL) or Identifying the aspects of Autism that apply to you; Accepting the diagnosis OR accepting your unique characteristics (for both partners); Ready to Get Started? Click Here! BREAKING THE TRAUMA CYCLE When one or both partners has been traumatized by relationship patterns that are rooted in their neuro-differences, the partners must overcome two distinct challenges: heal the trauma, and understand and build bridges across the neurological differences. The problem is that most approaches to Neurodiverse couples counseling do not adequately address the trauma. As a result, couples get stuck in trauma-fed reactive behaviors that keep then stuck. We have created a diagram that shows the typical trauma cycle for neurodiverse couples and the path to healing. Your therapist or coach will walk you through how to heal the trauma cycle step-by-step. GENERAL HEALING Bridging the double empathy problem; Expanding communication skills. Acknowledging past wounds and charting a path forward. In a pre-diagnosis period, a couples history is often marked by misunderstanding, resentment, anger outbursts and withdrawal. This must get addressed in a healing way. Learning different responses to traumatic reactions / triggers (move from defensiveness to providing comfort); Meeting emotional needs through increased clarity and structure (Love List exercise); Learning to play together; Coping with sensory overload and meltdowns; Shifting from aggression to anger and then to underlying needs; Expanding Theory of Mind for both partners; Managing other possible struggles for both partners (including depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder); TOPICAL HEALING Time Management: Enabling time together (for connection) and apart (for self-care); Parenting: Learn how to leverage your neurodiverse strengths to parent your children (whether or not your children are neurodiverse); Special Parenting: Learn how to parent your neurodiverse children ; Sex: Meeting each other's sexual needs through managing different levels of libido, enhancing sexual communication, and addressing sensory issues; Financial: Understanding how each partner feels and thinks about money and building a bridge across the gap. CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!! When a couple understand their differences and accept them, they will finally stop resisting change. This can feel like a tremendous relief. Even though both partners usually think the other one needs to change, you both will start to make changes that you never expected. This is where most neurotypical partners think, "Yes, I can change but my partner won't." Despite your worry that your autistic partner is rigid and focused on himself, most autistic clients that we work with will put in tremendous efforts to change in the context of accepting, neuro-informed therapy and the support from his spouse. Please know that autism is NOT a fixed condition that locks someone into the same behaviors throughout life. It is subject to the same forces of change that occur in anyone’s life. Understanding this provides the ray of hope to break painful entrenched patterns of interaction. The change is usually gradual but, over time, both partners usually experience progress and your relationship can finally become more relaxed and rewarding. Desmond Tutu has been quoted saying : “There is only one way to eat an elephant: one bite at a time.” Everything in life that seems daunting, overwhelming, and even impossible can be accomplished gradually by taking on small manageable steps. In fact, many neurodiverse couples that our team counsels report that they are satisfied with the marriage and choose to remain in the relationship. READY TO GET STARTED? Check out our 📄 Quick Guide on Neurodiverse Couples Counseling for key facts, FAQs , and why you should choose us. Or, if you're ready to get started, fill out our contact form and we will be glad to connect you with one of our team members. Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

As a neurodiverse couples therapist, I often hear: "I’m pretty sure my husband is autistic. We’ve tried regular couples therapy and it bombed. He gets mad when I suggest he might be autistic. I feel lonely and desperate for help. What should I do?" 😔 I get it—regular couples was painful for both of you. You're pretty sure he’s not going anywhere near therapy again. But, for some reason, you haven’t given up. So how do I pull him in? How to Get Him on Board 1. Pick Your Moment : Don’t drop this on him when he’s in the middle of his latest hobby deep- dive or when you’re already bickering. Find a chill time when you’re both relaxed. 🕒 2. Highlight the Expertise: Emphasize that the therapist specializes in neurodiverse couples, so he or she understands our unique challenges and strengths. 🧠 3. Focus on Specific Goals: This will not be open ended therapy going nowhere. Talk about the specific goals you both want to achieve, like better communication, less conflict, and more understanding. Therapy is a tool to reach those goals. 🎯 4. Respect His Feelings : Acknowledge that it’s tough to consider therapy, especially if previous experiences were negative. Show that you respect his feelings and are seeking a new approach together. 🤝 5. Small Initial Commitment : Suggest meeting the therapist for just ONE session to see if there is a good fit. Sometimes, just meeting the therapist can alleviate fears or misconceptions. 🛋️ 6. Cost-Benefit Analysis : Compare a 10% increase in happiness for decades to a few hours of failed couples therapy. ⚖️ 7. Respect Autonomy : Reassure him that therapy is NOT about changing who he is, but understanding each other better and finding strategies that work for both of you. 🌟 8. Address Misconceptions : Clear up any misconceptions he might have about therapy. It’s not about laying blame or rehashing past issues—it’s about moving forward positively. 🌈 What’s Actually Different About Neurodiverse Couples Therapy? 1. Therapist Training: Our therapists are trained in neurodiversity and won’t shame, blame, or try to change the autistic or ADHD partner. You’ll both be on the same footing, and it’s about equality and understanding. 👩🏫🤝 2. Decoding Neurodiversity: Our therapist will break down the patterns that show up in a neurodiverse relationship in a way that makes sense. It’s like getting the user manual for your interactions. 📘🧩 3. Rebuilding Communication: You’ll learn how to rebuild communication that takes your brain differences into account. 🗣️💡 4. Sensory Stuff: Our therapists will help you address any sensory sensitivities and how these impact your day-to-day life. It’s like figuring out why certain things drive him nuts and finding workarounds. 👂 5. Emotional & Logic Connection: You’ll work on understanding each other’s emotional and logical perspectives. It’s about figuring out how to connect both hearts and minds, ensuring you’re on the same page emotionally and logically. We won’t prioritize emotions over logic. Both are important!! 💖🧠 6. Real Tools : You’ll get practical tools and exercises to use at home. It’s not just talk—it’s about making real changes that you’ll actually notice. 🛠️🏠 Ready to Give It a Try? Popping the question about couples therapy can be super tough. It's like proposing all over again, but for the sake of your relationship's health. Are you ready to give it a try? 😊 Let's take the first step together. You can book a couple session or book an individual session just to talk about how to ask your partner. We'll figure it out together, and you won't be alone in this. You got this! 💪 Until next time, Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Do You Have Trouble Identifying & Expressing Emotions? Want to see if your behavior is consistent with alexithymia? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take the Alexithymia Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel