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FAQ - NEURODIVERSE COUPLES COUNSELING

  • hmotro
  • Oct 1, 2023
  • 4 min read

Updated: Aug 22


Frequently Asked Questions

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FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS


1. What is neurodiverse couples counseling?

Answer: Neurodiverse couples counseling is therapy designed for relationships where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent. It focuses on improving communication, building emotional safety, and helping partners understand each other’s unique ways of thinking and feeling. Unlike traditional counseling, this approach uses strategies that account for neurological differences so couples feel understood and supported.


2. Can autistic or ADHD partners feel empathy and love?

Answer: Yes. Autistic and ADHD partners are fully capable of empathy and love. They may simply express or process emotions differently. This difference is sometimes misunderstood as “lacking empathy,” but in reality, it’s about a mismatch in communication styles. Therapy helps both partners recognize and share empathy in ways that strengthen connection.

3. What is the Double Empathy Problem?

Answer: The Double Empathy Problem describes how both autistic and neurotypical partners can struggle to understand each other’s perspectives. It’s not a “deficit” in one person—it’s a two-way misunderstanding caused by different communication and emotional styles. Counseling helps bridge this gap so both partners feel heard and valued.

4. What challenges bring neurodiverse couples to therapy?

Answer: Common reasons include recurring conflicts about “tone” or chores, emotional distance, sensory overload, mismatched needs for intimacy, parenting struggles, or feeling like you’re speaking “different languages.” These challenges don’t mean your relationship is broken—they mean you may need tools built specifically for neurodiverse partnerships.

5. How does therapy for neurodiverse couples work?

Answer: We focus on eliminating unhelpful patterns, creating emotional safety, and building a roadmap toward closeness. Sessions may involve the couple together, plus individual support for each partner. Our therapists teach practical strategies to improve communication, manage conflict, and reconnect—without blame, pressure, or trying to “fix” one person.

6. What makes your approach different from traditional couples therapy?

Answer: Traditional therapy often overlooks neurodiversity, sometimes even suggesting autistic partners can’t feel empathy or love. We reject that myth. Our team customizes every counseling plan to the unique needs of each couple—we don’t believe in one-size-fits-all therapy. While many traditional approaches overlook neurodiversity, we design our methods specifically for autistic and ADHD partners and their loved ones.

Three things set us apart:

  1. Ongoing Specialized Training – Every therapist receives weekly training on neurodiversity-focused content, ensuring our approaches stay current and effective.

  2. Collaborative Case Support – We hold weekly case consultations and supervision so that no couple’s challenges are handled in isolation—your therapist has a full team behind them.

  3. Continuous Professional Growth – All team members pursue ongoing continuing education in neurodiverse relationships, keeping us at the forefront of best practices.

In addition, we use a strengths-based, solution-focused model that emphasizes safety, communication, and mutual understanding. With your permission, we may integrate a couples therapist plus individual therapists for each partner, coordinating care so both partners feel fully supported.

7. What if one partner isn’t sure about being autistic or ADHD?

Answer: That’s okay. A formal diagnosis isn’t required to start. Many couples come to us simply because they notice “different wiring” is affecting communication and connection. Therapy works whether or not a diagnosis is in place—and if desired, we can help California residents explore assessments for autism or ADHD.

8. Will this type of counseling actually help our relationship?

Answer: Yes. Research shows that solution-focused therapy helps couples shift away from blame and toward problem-solving and emotional connection (McDowell et al., 2023). Many neurodiverse couples who work with us report more trust, less conflict, and a stronger bond over time. Change is usually gradual, but very possible.

9. How long does it take to see progress?

Answer: Many couples feel relief within the first few sessions once they understand their patterns and learn new strategies. Meaningful progress takes time, but with consistency, couples often notice more empathy, teamwork, and closeness after just a few months.

10. Who do you work with?

Answer: We support neurodiverse couples nationwide through online therapy or coaching.

11. Do you take insurance?

Answer: No, we are a private-pay practice. For California therapy clients, we can provide superbills for possible out-of-network reimbursement. Please note that coaching services (all clients outside California) are not covered by insurance.

12. What if we’re in crisis?

Answer: While we are here to help, we are not a crisis service. If you are in immediate danger, please call 911. For urgent mental health support, dial or text 988 for the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.


LEARN MORE

Last reviewed: Aug 22, 2025 • Author: Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT (Clinical Director)


GETTING STARTED

We would love to create a safe place for you to break the painful patterns of the past and communicate in a new way. Please fill out our contact form and we will be glad to connect you with one of our team members.


Mitchell, P., Sheppard, E., & Cassidy, S. (2021). Autism and the double empathy problem: Implications for development and mental health. British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 39(1), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjdp.12350


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