Alyssa Bayus | Neurodiverse Couples Specialist | Associate Marriage and Family Therapist
My Story
Childhood: Reading the Room Early
My parents divorced when I was born, so I grew up moving between homes, rhythms, and emotional climates. From an early age I learned to listen closely—to notice the small cues, the shifts in tone, the unspoken needs.
That constant translating between worlds became its own kind of training, teaching me how to understand and attune to the nervous systems around me.
It’s from that place of lived experience that this work first took root.
Marriage: Lessons from the Inside
I spent more than twenty years in a marriage that became a deep teacher for me—showing me so much about attachment, conflict, boundaries, and the tender truth that real change only lasts when both people are willing to look inward and try new patterns together. Those years softened and steadied me. They made me practical, grounded, and clear about what truly helps people grow and stay connected.
And when that marriage ended, the divorce became its own initiation. I had to start again—slowly, honestly, and with a courage I didn’t know I had.
That experience didn’t harden me; it expanded me. It taught me that rebuilding is possible, that beginning again can be an act of wisdom, and that life after loss can be deeply alive and meaningful.
Motherhood: Immersed in Neurodiversity
I’m the parent of three wonderful kids who each learn and relate differently.
ADHD is the loudest drumbeat in our home—time blindness, task initiation, emotional intensity, sleep shifts, school demands, and the constant need to right-size expectations.
We’ve chased accurate diagnoses, weighed medication trade-offs, and rebuilt routines as they grew.
Autism is also part of our extended family, so I understand the sensory and communication layers that shape daily life.
I don’t treat neurodiversity as theory; I live it.
How I Help Neurodiverse Couples
I work with couples where one or both partners are autistic or ADHD.
The goal is simple: reduce friction, increase connection, and build systems that fit your actual brains.
What we map together
Communication styles and processing speeds (literal vs. inferential, fast vs. deliberate).
Sensory profiles (sound, light, touch, pacing) and how they affect conflict and intimacy.
Executive-function load: who’s cueing, who’s tracking, and what regularly gets dropped.
Stress cycles: masking, overwhelm, shutdown, and how each partner signals “I’m done.”
What we build
Effective rituals for connection, conflict repair, and de-escalation that either partner can start.
Division-of-labor plans tied to energy and executive function, not wishful thinking.
Conversation “lane markers”: slow starts, structured turns, timeouts that don’t feel like rejection.
Sensory-informed intimacy plans (pressure/tempo/context/aftercare) that make closeness easier to reach.
Burnout buffers: predictable recovery windows, transition cues, and re-entry scripts.
A shared language for differences so misunderstandings stop turning into character judgments.
How we work in session
Short, plain language; concrete skills; measurable follow-through.
One page of “what we’re trying” each week—small, repeatable, testable.
Accountability and empathy in the same room.
Methods I draw from
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT)
The Gottman Method
Neurodiversity-informed psychoeducation and skills training
Habit and routine design based on executive-function science
Results you can expect
Fewer blowups, faster resets.
Less guessing, more predictable connection.
Systems that survive real weeks, not fantasy ones.
Parenting Support for ADHD and Autism
Parenting neurodivergent kids is a moving target. I help you trade shame and “shoulds” for fit and function.
Core tools we focus on:
Executive-function scaffolds: externalize plans (visual schedules, timers, “next two steps” lists), create “ready states,” and use time anchors to cut decision fatigue.
Motivation and momentum: short horizons, immediate feedback, two-minute starts, novelty cycles without turning life into a prize hunt.
Regulation and meltdowns: map heat zones, co-regulate first, solve later; keep debriefs brief and blame-free.
Sensory and environment: identify triggers, build predictable retreats, and translate “won’t” into “can’t yet under these conditions.”
School/IEP/504: write short, winnable requests; design a weekly homework rhythm that anticipates energy dips.
Family load: rotate the “primary executive” role, write silent defaults (what happens if nobody cues), and use micro-handoffs.
Outcome
Calmer days, more follow-through, and systems you can keep when life gets busy.
Money and Relationships
Before becoming a therapist, I worked as a financial planner and advisor.
The biggest problems weren’t math—they were meaning: safety, control, freedom, fairness, respect.
Executive-function differences and processing mismatches add extra friction. I will help you lower it.
What we do
Build a shared language: turn “too much spending” into specific thresholds, categories, and timeframes.
Separate values from methods so you stop arguing about tools and start aligning on what matters.
Protect the relationship: clear roles, cool-off rules for high-stakes purchases, and scheduled repair talks.
Result
Money stops running the relationship. You get calm, clarity, and a plan that sticks.
Sexual Addiction and Betrayal
Although this bio centers neurodiversity, I also work with couples facing sexual acting out and betrayal using a structured pathway that prioritizes safety for the betrayed partner and accountability for the acting-out partner.
If that’s your situation, ask about my dedicated track.
Faith and Mindfulness
I was raised in both Catholic and Protestant traditions and now consider myself spiritual.
I value mindfulness and welcome couples from all faith backgrounds—and none.
Your values lead the work.
Personal Interests
Golf keeps me present. Pickleball brings energy and fun. Horseback riding sharpens the nonverbal listening I use every day in therapy.
I have fostered over 50 dogs and I love all animals.
Education and Training
M.A., Marriage and Family Therapy, National University, 2009
B.A., Sociology, Ithaca College, 1994
License & Employment Information
Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #158340
Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452
Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers
If You’re Ready
If you want less friction and more connection—with systems that fit your brains and your life—I’m ready when you are.
Specialty Areas:
Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients, Neurodiverse Couples, Emotional Intimacy, Communication, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Emotion Focused Therapy