Imagine trying to communicate your deepest desires and needs with your partner, but it feels like you're speaking different languages. That's often the reality for neurodiverse couples when it comes to intimacy and sex. Let's break the silence and dive into this crucial topic together! 🚧 8 Common Roadblocks to Neurodiverse Sex 👩‍❤️‍👨 1. Emotional vs. Physical Intimacy Neurotypical partners might crave emotional intimacy through communication about emotions and experiences. On the other... Imagine trying to communicate your deepest desires and needs with your partner, but it feels like you're speaking different languages. That's often the reality for neurodiverse couples when it comes to intimacy and sex. Let's break the silence and dive into this crucial topic together! 🚧 8 Common Roadblocks to Neurodiverse Sex 👩❤️👨 1. Emotional vs. Physical Intimacy Neurotypical partners might crave emotional intimacy through communication about emotions and experiences. On the other hand, neurodiverse partners might seek physical intimacy to feel connected. It's like trying to take different paths to the same destination – closeness. 💬 2. Communication Communication barriers can intensify during intimate moments. Nonverbal cues like eye contact and body language often signal interest and consent, but these can be challenging for neurodiverse individuals. Recognizing these differences helps shift towards clear, direct communication , such as using "code words" for boundaries and planned breaks to process tough interactions. This approach reduces misunderstandings and ensures both partners clearly express needs and consent during intimacy. 🌐 3. Sensory Sensitivities Sensory sensitivities are a common issue in neurodiverse couples. Hypersensitivity can make physical touch overwhelming , while hyposensitivity may lead to a need for more intense sensory input. Understanding these differences is crucial. For example, one partner might need to adjust their touch to match their partner's sensory preferences. Educating couples about these variations helps them navigate and satisfy each other's sensory needs during intimate moments. 📋 4. Expectations Every person has unique expectations about what intimacy should look like, and for neurodiverse couples, these expectations might conflict. Open communication about these expectations is essential to align and find common ground, helping partners understand each other’s perspectives and needs. 📜 5. Past Experiences Past relationships significantly shape views on intimacy. Many autistic individuals have less experience with dating and sex, leading to unrealistic views of relationships or misunderstandings about roles. Addressing these past experiences in therapy helps partners understand each other's viewpoints and expectations, fostering deeper connections. 🔧 6. Executive Functioning Initiating intimacy requires planning and organizing, which can be challenging for neurodiverse individuals. Recognizing these difficulties and finding ways to support each other in initiating intimate moments can improve the relationship. 🔒 7. Rigidity Rigidity in routines or preferences can create tension in a sexual relationship. Neurodiverse individuals might have specific ways they believe intimacy should be, which can hinder the natural flow of the relationship. Couples can work together to become more adaptable to each other's needs. 🌹 8. Diverse Expressions of Intimacy Intimacy for neurodivergent individuals can differ from traditional norms. Activities like side-by-side gaming or snuggling while engaging in separate activities can be intimate for them. Recognizing and accepting these diverse expressions of intimacy is vital for some couples. 🤔 Where to Start? Couples struggling with sex often don't know where to start. In therapy, we work on the following areas: 🤝 Build a Common Understanding Understanding how neurodiversity impacts your physical intimacy is the first step. This involves psychoeducation about autism and re-contextualizing your relationship through this valuable lens. 🎯 Setting Clear Goals We help you discuss each partner's needs, desires, and quota for intimacy and sex. Together, we identify specific goals to address deficits and improve experiences. This can be incredibly hard to do and almost always needs the safe guidance from one of our counselors. 🗣️ Open Communication We facilitate conversations about why certain needs are unfulfilled and what specifics are required for improvement. This is not about compliance but rather focuses on understanding and exploration. 🧠 Perspective-Taking We consider each other's perspectives to increase relational success. Once you understand your partner's viewpoint, you can work together to strengthen intimacy and sexual connection. 👫 Sex Therapy for Neurodiverse Couples Do you feel overwhelmed reading this? Please know that is perfectly normal! Here's the good news: sex therapy with a neuro-informed therapist can help make it easier to talk about sex. We'll provide a supportive space for both partners to share in their own way and at their own pace. Imagine turning those awkward moments of miscommunication into opportunities for deeper connection, understanding and fun! Go deeper: Our Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Program takes these roadblocks one at a time. Module 2, Talking About Talking About Sex , is a gentle place to begin. Willing to try? We’re here when you’re ready. Warm regards, Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Ready to Get Started? Tell us a little about yourself, and our client care team will match you with the neurodiverse specialist who's right for you. Get Started Are You Hypersensitive to Certain Noises, Textures, etc...? Learn About Sensory Processing Disorder Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

The Love List for neurodiverse couples: twenty specific things that make you feel loved, read aloud in session and posted where you see them. Show the full module text Module 20 — The Love List Know exactly what makes your partner feel loved, and tell them what works for you. Watch first: the Module 20 video A narrated video of about 4 minutes in a paper-cutout style that opens and closes on the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center logo. Two Love List clipboards hold twenty items each, and a chart turns vague items like “Be more affectionate” into specific ones that say what to do, when, and what to say. It shows each partner saying no to four of twenty, a couple in a video-call session, and the list hung beside the bathroom mirror. Watch the Module 20 video: The Love List (MP4, about 4 minutes). The written lesson below covers the same ground in full. Most of us never ask for what we want, and then we are hurt when our partner does not do it. In this session, each of you writes down twenty specific things that make you feel loved. We call it the Love List . You read your lists to each other, say which items are a no, try one in the room, and put the lists up at home where you will see them every day. Writing down what makes you feel loved Summary: what usually happens in the session 1 You each write twenty things that make you feel loved. At home, on your own, before the session. 2 Your therapist helps you make each item specific. One item at a time, until it says what to do, when, and the words you want to hear. 3 You read your lists out loud to each other. All twenty. Your partner listens without answering, then reads theirs to you. 4 You each say which items on your partner’s list are a no. Out loud, in the session. Saying no is part of the exercise. 5 You each do one item from your partner’s list, in the room. Right then, with your therapist there. Then you swap. 6 You decide where each list will hang at home. Before you leave. Each of you takes your partner’s list home. Each of you owns your own list, and either of you can change yours at any time. One way this session can go, not a script. Your therapist will shape it to the two of you and to their own way of working. Step 1. You each write twenty things that make you feel loved You expect your partner to know what makes you feel loved. Your partner expects the same of you. Neither of you says it out loud. Then both of you are hurt when it does not happen. We expect our partner to read our minds. In real life, that does not happen. Research points the same way. In pooled studies, guessing each other’s feelings well had only a small link to a happy relationship, and almost all of it came from reading bad feelings.1 In a neurodiverse couple, the guessing is harder in both directions. Each of you can miss the love the other is already offering. Many people also feel that love only counts if they did not have to ask. Asking does not make it count less. For a partner who finds guessing hard, a clear request is what makes it possible to show love well. So each of you writes it down. The instructions are on our Love List worksheet. It asks for twenty items. Each one is something your partner could do tomorrow, not a wish. How your therapist sets it up. Write twenty each, before we meet, on your own. Not what you think you ought to want. What actually makes you feel loved. If nothing comes. For some people the page stays empty. They do not know what makes them feel loved. This is common if you find it hard to name feelings, or if you have spent years paying attention to what everyone else needs. That is not a failure. It is the work. For a week or two, notice what warms you and what leaves you flat. Try small things. Then write the list from what you found. Step 2. Your therapist helps you make each item specific Most people write their items too vague the first time. So before anything is read out, your therapist goes through each list with its owner. The way this goes wrong. She writes be more affectionate . Her partner hugs her at the door every evening for two weeks. What she wanted was a hand to hold on the walk after dinner. She decides her partner did not really try. Her partner decides nothing they do counts. Neither of them is wrong. The item was too vague to do, and the fix is a clearer item, not a better partner. The same wish, written two ways. Be more affectionate. Reach for my hand when we walk, hold it gently, and say I love you when you let go. Why so specific. A specific item can be done on the way home from the store. You both know when it happened. Items can be about quiet and space as well as touch and words: twenty quiet minutes when you get home, or a word of warning before a hug. Making an item specific. Text me is a good start. When would you like the text? At lunchtime. Which day? Wednesday. And saying what? One thing he appreciates about me. Now it is something he can do. A vague item leaves your partner to work out what you meant, and a wrong guess feels like not caring. A specific one can be done tomorrow, and you will both know it happened. Step 3. You read your lists out loud to each other Next, you read your twenty out loud to your partner. Then you swap, and your partner reads their list to you. What usually happens here. Hearing the list in your partner’s own voice lands differently from reading it. Several items usually turn out to be easier than you expected. If it sounds like a list of complaints. Twenty wishes can sound like twenty things you have not been doing. They are really things that would help from now on. Reading your own list can feel exposed, too, as if you are asking for too much. If either of you starts to feel criticized or ashamed, say so, and your therapist will slow the reading down. Handing over the reading. Read them to him, not to me. All twenty, at your own pace. He is not answering yet. He is just listening. Step 4. You each say which items are a no Now each of you goes back through your partner’s list. You say which items you will not do. Some may be more than you can manage. Some you may simply not want to do. Both are allowed. A no is about the item, not about your partner. Often the item costs more than you knew, because of a sound, a touch or the energy it takes. You say the noes here, in the room, so nobody finds out at home a month later. This is why there are twenty. With twenty items, saying no to four or five is not a problem. What is left is still more than anyone could do in a week. Items about touch or sex. The same rule holds: a no is a full answer, and it is not argued at home later. If either of you feels pressured, or afraid to say no, tell your therapist on your own. That comes before this exercise. Each of you marks the noes on the sheet as you say them, so nobody has to remember later which ones they were. Saying no. Which ones are a no for you? Tell her now. You can say why if you like, but you do not have to. You can always say it. If any of this starts to feel like too much, you can say I am uncomfortable . That is a complete sentence. Nobody has to explain it or defend it. We stop, we look together at what is happening, and we decide as a group whether to stay with it or to understand first what is getting in the way. Hearing a no about an item that matters to you can sting. Saying no to someone you love is hard too. This is the moment in this session where you are most likely to need it. Step 5. You each do one item from your partner’s list, in the room Your partner picks one item from your list and does it, right then, with your therapist there. Then you swap, and you do one of theirs. It feels staged, and most couples laugh partway through. Pick one you can do in front of someone. If none feels possible today, say so, and do one together right after the session instead. Once you have done an item in the room, doing it at home is easier. Practicing one. Pick one from her list that you could do now, while I am here. It will probably feel a little staged, and that is fine. Step 6. You decide where each list will hang at home A list kept in a drawer gets forgotten. So before you leave, you decide where each list will hang: somewhere you stand still twice a day with nothing else to do. Where it goes. Where do you brush your teeth? Tape her list up beside the mirror when you get home. If children or visitors use that bathroom, the inside of a cabinet door by the mirror works too. A list taped where you brush your teeth gets read twice a day, without anyone having to remember it. After the session One item a day, in any order. Aim for one item a day, whichever one you can manage. Some days it will be the easiest thing on the page, and that still counts. If you miss a day, start again the next one. This is not a score. If the list on the wall starts to feel like pressure, that is worth saying out loud too. When your partner does one of yours, tell them you noticed. In studies of couples sharing good moments, a warm response made the good feeling last longer. Couples who usually answered each other warmly also felt closer day to day.2 A thank-you is enough. There is no need to grade it. If an item did not land, or you have changed your mind, rewrite it and put up a new list. If this is hard to do. If this is too much right now, there is no need to push through it. Spend some time with your partner talking about what makes it hard, and share the feelings that come up: awkwardness at asking, worry about asking for too much, sadness that you had to ask at all. That conversation is part of the work. Doesn't it count less if I have to ask? Many people feel that love only counts if they did not have to ask. Asking does not make it count less. In a neurodiverse couple, guessing is harder in both directions, and each of you can miss the love the other is already offering. For a partner who finds guessing hard, a clear request is what makes it possible to show love well. What if I do not know what makes me feel loved? For some people the page stays empty. This is common if you find it hard to name feelings, or if you have spent years paying attention to what everyone else needs. That is not a failure. It is the work: for a week or two, notice what warms you and what leaves you flat, try small things, then write the list from what you found. What if my partner's list has things I will not do? You say which items are a no, out loud in the session, so nobody finds out at home a month later. Some may be more than you can manage, because of a sound, a touch or the energy it takes, and some you may simply not want to do. Both are allowed. A no is about the item, not your partner, and with twenty items, four or five noes still leave plenty. Why make each item so specific? A vague item like 'be more affectionate' is hard to do, and both partners can end up hurt even when both are trying. A specific item says what to do, when, and the words you want to hear, such as reaching for a hand on a walk and saying I love you when you let go. You both know when it happened. Items can be about quiet and space, too. Your workbook Your answers save to this device only - we cannot see a word of what you write. This one holds your list of twenty, the items you said no to on your partner's list, and where the lists hang. Your list of twenty Make each item specific enough that your partner could do it tomorrow without asking you anything: what to do, when, and the words you want to hear. Your twenty, one per line. Start each one: I feel loved when you... Could your partner do every one of these tomorrow without asking you anything? — All twenty, Most of them, Some are still wishes, not things to do, I could not write the list yet If you could not write it yet: what made you feel loved this week, and what small things did you try? Your partner's list What happened with your partner's list in the session, in their words. The items on your partner's list you said no to The one item from your partner's list you did in the session Where the lists hang Somewhere you see it every morning and every night. Where is your partner's list up? — Beside the bathroom mirror, Somewhere else I see morning and night, It is not up yet This week: which of your items did your partner do, and did you tell them you noticed? Where this comes from Every source below was checked against the published record. They are grouped by the kind of evidence they are, so the numbers may not run straight down the page — a number points back to where the source is used in the lesson. Research discussion The Love List is our own exercise, and its instructions are on the Love List worksheet. It comes from clinical practice, in a long line of couples exercises where partners agree on small, specific caring acts. It has not been tested in a trial. What the lesson claims is modest: a specific request gets met more often than a vague one, twenty items leave room to say no, and a list you see twice a day gets used more than one you have to remember. The first study1 combined 21 studies of 2,739 people. How well partners read each other’s feelings had a small link to how happy they were together, and almost all of it came from reading negative feelings. The couples were tested in a lab, none of them were neurodiverse couples, and the study shows a link, not a cause. The second2 is four studies from 2004 that used diaries and questionnaires. People who shared good news and got a warm, interested response felt better for longer, and couples who usually answered this way were closer. The studies show that the two go together, not that learning to respond warmly causes the closeness. Who this research was done with. The studies behind this module, neither of them of neurodiverse couples, drew heavily on white, comparatively well-off, English-speaking participants. If your household carries pressures those samples did not — money, immigration, racism, disability, unsafe housing — the practice still applies, but the room you are practicing in is harder. That is the room, not you. Clinically reviewed by Harry Motro, PsyD, LMFT · California LMFT #53452 · Founder and Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center · Clinical supervisor · Updated September 28, 2026 Peer-reviewed research 1. Sened H, Lavidor M, Lazarus G, Bar-Kalifa E, Rafaeli E, Ickes W (2017) Empathic accuracy and relationship satisfaction: A meta-analytic review. Journal of Family Psychology, 31(6), 742-752 . https://doi.org/10.1037/fam0000320 Meta-analysis of 21 studies (2,739 participants) using the dyadic interaction paradigm. Empathic accuracy showed a small but significant association with relationship satisfaction (r = .134); accuracy for negative emotions was more closely related (r = .171) than accuracy for positive emotions (r = .068, not significant); gender and procedural variations did not moderate the association. Limitation: general-population couples in laboratory paradigms; correlational. 2. Gable SL, Reis HT, Impett EA, Asher ER (2004) What do you do when things go right? The intrapersonal and interpersonal benefits of sharing positive events. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 87(2), 228-245 . https://doi.org/10.1037/0022-3514.87.2.228 Four studies of capitalization, sharing personal positive events with others. Sharing was associated with increased daily positive affect and well-being beyond the event itself, more so when others responded actively and constructively; close relationships in which a partner typically responded enthusiastically showed higher relationship well-being, including intimacy and daily marital satisfaction. Limitation: correlational and diary-based; shows an association, not that coaching the response causes the benefit. Further reading • Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center (2026) Worksheet 20: Love List (and the earlier Love List Instructions and Loom walkthrough). Practice materials, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . https://www.sherocksthespectrum.com/worksheets/love-list The practice's exercise: at least twenty specific, actionable items; read aloud in session; each partner says which items they cannot do; tape your partner's list up where you will see it and do one thing a day; either partner may change their list at any time. Limitation: a clinical exercise in the behavior-exchange tradition, developed in use. Say what makes you feel loved, and put it where you both see it The Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center works with couples where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD or AuDHD. In the Love List session, you each read your list of twenty aloud, say which items are a no, do one item in the room, and decide where the lists will hang before you leave. Therapy for clients in California, coaching worldwide, all by telehealth. A first conversation costs nothing. 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< Back Specialties and Certifications Neurodiverse Couples General Couples Therapy Depression and Anxiety Christian Couples Counseling Affair Recovery Parenting Grief Life Experience J oyfully married for 20 years, with a relationship that's grown stronger through dedication and mutual support, and a proud father to my young adult daughter. Over 25 years of work in non-profit organizations including urban youth, churches, and schools Adjunct graduate school professor teaching courses on the integration of psychology and spirituality Earlier career in the hospitality and semiconductor industries Education in psychology, theology, and spirituality at the Master & Doctoral levels About Dan Daniel Chung has over twenty years of wide-ranging experience working with people in all stages of life. He is a creative, dedicated therapist who is passionate about helping individuals, couples, and families by coming alongside them, listening with empathy, helping to make sense of their concerns and needs, and providing vital tools to grow and thrive in life. Daniel focuses on providing a safe, nurturing, and judgment-free space that enables clients to heal and positively progress by fostering their agency to empower them to leverage their positive qualities toward lasting, satisfying, and harmonious relationships. He believes in holistic healing toward emotional, spiritual, and relational wellness that activates the mind, body, and spirit, and usher into deeper self-realization, purposeful living, better conflict management, and healthier coping skills over stress and grief. Neurodiverse Relationships Understanding the Neurodiverse Pain and Peace Cycles 💡 In neurodiverse relationships, the Pain Cycle can be especially challenging, as differences in communication styles, emotional expression, and sensory needs often amplify misunderstandings. Daniel helps couples recognize and interrupt these destructive cycles by: Identifying neurodiversity-related triggers that lead to feelings of blame, shame, or isolation. Bridging communication gaps by teaching partners to translate their emotional needs into language that both neurodivergent and neurotypical partners can understand. With his guidance, couples move toward the Peace Cycle, fostering trust, safety, and connection by: Developing shared tools for calm, respectful interactions that honor each partner’s unique needs. Building habits of empathetic listening to navigate differences without judgment or frustration. By teaching couples how to understand and manage their pain and peace cycles through a neurodiverse lens, Daniel equips them to deepen their relationship and embrace each other’s strengths. Enhancing Connection through Neurodiverse Collaboration 🤝 Daniel’s trauma-informed and client-centered approach creates a safe space for neurodiverse couples to explore their unique dynamics. He empowers couples to grow through: Open conversations about neurodiversity , helping partners express their needs and challenges in a non-critical environment. Practicing vulnerability , especially for neurodivergent partners who may find expressing emotions or needs more complex. By fostering collaboration, Daniel helps couples: Set realistic, shared goals that accommodate neurodiverse needs. Strengthen their relationship through teamwork, building a resilient partnership that honors each individual’s contributions. Through his compassionate guidance, neurodiverse couples gain the skills to navigate their differences and cultivate a relationship grounded in mutual respect and understanding. Navigating the Unique Challenges of Neurodiverse Relationships 🌟 For neurodiverse couples, challenges often arise from differences in how partners process and express emotions, manage sensory input, or approach social interactions. Daniel helps couples by: Promoting self-awareness : Encouraging neurodivergent partners to understand how their sensory sensitivities or executive functioning differences impact the relationship, while helping neurotypical partners appreciate these unique perspectives. Focusing on strengths : Highlighting the unique skills and insights each partner brings to the relationship. Providing practical strategies : Offering tailored tools to help neurodiverse couples navigate everyday challenges, such as managing overstimulation or scheduling meaningful quality time. Daniel believes that by embracing neurodiversity, couples can turn perceived obstacles into opportunities for growth and connection. Dan's Neuro-Informed Therapeutic Approach Daniel’s therapeutic approach is neuro-informed, trauma-sensitive, and client-centered , supporting clients in their healing journey while honoring the unique needs of neurodivergent individuals and their partners. He creates a working alliance rooted in empathy, acceptance, openness, and flexibility, ensuring that the therapeutic process is accessible and tailored to diverse neurodiverse experiences. Daniel’s work is informed by his deep understanding of how neurodiversity intersects with emotional and relational patterns. He provides tools and strategies that are practical and sensitive to sensory, communication, and executive functioning differences. Having worked with clients from diverse cultures, ethnicities, and neurodiverse profiles, Daniel relates to clients with authenticity, compassion, humility, and sensitivity. He strives to create a safe and empowering space where all clients feel seen, understood, and supported. My Therapeutic Modalities Daniel incorporates the following neuro-informed approaches into his work: Trauma-Informed Therapy : Acknowledging how trauma manifests differently in neurodivergent individuals and tailoring interventions accordingly. Restoration Therapy : Helping clients recognize and reshape destructive relational cycles, particularly those impacted by neurodiverse dynamics. Emotion-Focused Therapy : Supporting partners in expressing and interpreting emotions in ways that bridge neurodiverse communication styles. Brief Solution-Focused Therapy : Offering actionable, goal-oriented strategies that align with each client’s cognitive and sensory preferences. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) : Adapting CBT techniques to accommodate the thought processes and learning styles of neurodiverse individuals. Experiential Therapy : Using creative, hands-on techniques that honor sensory needs and promote meaningful emotional exploration. Adult Autism & ADHD Assessments Daniel specializes in providing neurodiversity-supportive assessments and therapeutic services designed to help individuals reach their full potential. His comprehensive approach includes administering questionnaires, engaging in discussions, making observations, and using tools such as the MIDAS-2 and SRS-2 for Autism, as well as the CAARS and Brown EF/A scales for ADHD. Daniel works collaboratively with clients to explore their unique traits and understand the value of a diagnosis in fostering success and fulfillment. Daniel also offers guidance, resources, and support to individuals and their families throughout the assessment process. By taking a holistic view, he identifies each person’s strengths and challenges from multiple perspectives. His goal is to serve as an ally, helping clients navigate the assessment journey and discover pathways to growth, progress, and lasting change. In his experience, Daniel’s clients have found the assessment process to be a transformative opportunity for self-discovery, leading to greater understanding and acceptance of themselves and fostering empathy in their relationships. Whether confirming or ruling out a diagnosis, Daniel emphasizes that neurodiversity is not a defect but a unique set of traits accompanied by gifts and areas for growth. With the right tools, clients can build essential skills to improve social, professional, and personal relationships. Clients Couples Individuals Families Adults Adolescents License Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapy #149769 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc. Specialty Areas: Emotion Focused Therapy, Neurodiverse Couples, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Christian, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Emotional Intimacy, Assessment, Communication, Not Accepting New Clients, Autism, AuDHD, Emotional Regulation, Family Conflict, General Couples Coaching, Life Transitions, Attachment Daniel Chung Take an Autism Test

< Back Shea Davis, AMFT Therapist for Neurodivergent Couples, Individuals, and Families Neurodivergent connection thrives when it’s understood on its own terms. I help individuals and couples uncover what makes their relationships work—not in spite of their differences, but because of them. My Story Is the Foundation of My Work A Long-Term Neurodiverse Marriage. I didn’t come to this work by accident— I lived it long before I trained for it. For 24 years, I was married to a neurodivergent partner in a relationship filled with both deep connection and constant misunderstanding . We loved each other, but our wiring didn’t always match—and that mismatch shaped everything from how we handled conflict to how we expressed love. I know firsthand what it feels like to be in a relationship where you’re trying your hardest, but somehow still missing each other. Parenting a Neurodivergent Child I’m also the mother of two children , now 29 and 22, including a neurodivergent son who struggled deeply in traditional systems. As a parent, I was often the translator—advocating, soothing, interpreting, and holding space for a child whose brilliance the world couldn’t always see. That experience taught me the importance of co-regulation, flexibility , and finding ways to honor a child’s nervous system, not fight against it. Recovery from Addiction and Trauma And I’ve lived through collapse and rebuilding. Years ago, I walked into a 12-step meeting broken by addiction, emotional pain , and a lifetime of pushing through instead of healing. Recovery didn’t just help me get sober—it helped me reclaim my voice, learn boundaries, and rebuild relationships based on mutual safety and respect. That process of healing, integrating, and re-emerging is the lens I bring to every therapy session. Life After Betrayal and Emotional Neglect I’ve navigated betrayal, financial infidelity, and the quiet ache of emotional neglect. I’ve also felt the hope of starting over—as a single mother, as a woman in long-term recovery, and as a partner learning to love again after rupture. My blended family has been one of my greatest teachers. I understand the complications of co-parenting, the grief of unmet expectations, and the beauty that can emerge when people commit to doing things differently, even when it's hard. Working with Neurodiverse Couples Much of my clinical focus is shaped by my own long-term relationship with a neurodivergent partner. I’ve lived through the beautiful highs and painful disconnects that can come when two people with different processing styles, emotional languages, and nervous systems try to build a life together. In that relationship, we often found ourselves stuck in patterns we didn’t understand. I’d long for emotional attunement while he sought logical solutions. I’d press for closeness during conflict; he’d retreat to manage overwhelm. Over time, we developed workarounds, built shared language, and grew in our awareness—but not without struggle. Those experiences inform the way I work with couples today. Neurodiverse relationships often look confusing from the outside—and feel lonely on the inside. One partner might seek verbal connection, while the other prefers action. One might shut down under stress, while the other presses in, desperate for clarity. These dynamics aren’t about a lack of love —they’re about different operating systems . In our work together, I help you: Understand the neurology beneath the behavior Slow down reactive cycles and shift from blame to curiosity Rebuild emotional safety after chronic misattunement or betrayal Learn new ways to communicate that actually land with your partner Navigate sensory, pacing, and executive functioning differences Reimagine intimacy and connection on your terms—not the world’s I integrate Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), polyvagal theory, trauma-informed care, and structured communication tools from the Gottman Method. My goal is to help you feel seen, safe, and better equipped to relate —even when things are hard. Parenting Through a Neurodivergent Lens When I was raising my son—especially during his most difficult years—I often felt like I was operating without a roadmap. The strategies other parents used didn’t work for us. He needed something different: less pressure, more regulation support, and a deep commitment to understanding his nervous system. I had to learn how to show up in ways that were both nurturing and flexible, even when I felt depleted myself. As a therapist, I bring this lived experience into the room. I understand how isolating it can feel to be the one holding everything together—to be the parent who understands what the school system doesn’t, who translates your child’s needs to extended family, and who navigates the tension between advocacy and acceptance. I support parents who are: Co-regulating with differently wired kids while staying regulated themselves Navigating shutdowns, sensory overload, and burnout—on both sides Co-parenting after divorce or in blended family systems Wrestling with grief over unmet expectations Trying to break harmful patterns while creating new family rhythms You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be open to learning—and I’ll walk beside you as you do. Support for Blended Families When my marriage ended and I stepped into the world of co-parenting and step-parenting, I quickly realized that blending a family isn’t about forcing connection—it’s about creating space for each person’s story. Add neurodivergence to the mix, and the need for flexibility, empathy, and honest communication only grows. In my own blended family, we had to re-learn how to listen to each other . We had to acknowledge sensory needs, adjust expectations around emotional expression, and recognize that some members of the family processed grief or change much more slowly—or more intensely—than others. There was no one-size-fits-all approach. As someone who has built and lived in a blended family with neurodivergent members, I support: Step-parenting roles and boundaries that evolve over time Navigating loyalty binds and emotional shifts with compassion and clarity Repairing ruptures in co-parenting or ex-spouse dynamics Helping new partners understand neurodivergent kids and their unique wiring Developing shared rituals and rhythms that work for your family’s actual neurobiology Blended doesn’t mean broken. Neurodivergence doesn’t mean incompatible. Together, we can create something flexible, respectful, and uniquely yours. Working with Addiction and Neurodivergence My recovery journey began with hitting rock bottom—and then learning to rebuild a life from the inside out. For me, addiction wasn’t just about substances. It was about managing overwhelm, avoiding emotional pain, and trying to cope in a world that often felt too intense. As I later came to understand more about neurodivergence, it became clear how intertwined the two could be . Many neurodivergent individuals develop addictive behaviors as a way to soothe sensory overload, mask social confusion, or cope with chronic rejection . And unfortunately, many recovery spaces aren’t built to hold that complexity. In my work with clients at this intersection, I help you: Identify the neurodivergent roots of addictive behaviors Explore sensory-friendly and emotionally attuned recovery strategies Navigate recovery spaces that may feel rigid, triggering, or misaligned Manage co-occurring challenges like executive dysfunction or trauma Build sustainable recovery that makes space for your full self You don’t need to choose between being seen as someone in recovery or someone who’s neurodivergent. I’ll help you hold both—without shame. Who I Work With Neurodivergent adults (diagnosed or self-identified) Neurodiverse couples (ND/NT or ND/ND) Partners of autistic or ADHD individuals Parents of neurodivergent children Adults in recovery from addiction, betrayal trauma, or relational chaos Individuals navigating blended family dynamics and second-chapter relationships What I Bring I bring the lived experience of neurodivergence, depression, anxiety, and addiction. I bring decades of parenting through challenge, the insight of a long-term neurodiverse marriage, and the resilience of someone who’s rebuilt from the ground up. My therapy room is a space where you don’t have to perform, explain, or justify how your brain works. You get to be fully yourself—and that’s where real change begins. License & Employment Information Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #154799 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Cassandra Syndrome, Communication, IFS, Addiction, Trauma, Blended Families, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Accepting New Individual Clients Only, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, ADHD, Attachment, Divorce, Discernment, Emotion Focused Therapy, General Couples Coaching, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients Shea Davis Take an Autism Test

< Back Maring Higa, Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist | Neurodiverse Couples Specialist 💛 Lived Experience Shapes the Way I Work I know what it’s like to fight for connection—and to finally find it, in a way that feels real, earned, and deeply alive. Earlier in life, I was in a neurodiverse marriage that ended in divorce. It was a relationship filled with both love and difficulty, and navigating the differences in communication, processing, and emotional rhythms taught me more than any training ever could. That experience was humbling and powerful—it cracked me open to what it really means to bridge worlds. I carry forward the insight, empathy, and hard-won clarity I gained from that relationship with deep gratitude. It made me who I am today. Now, I’m over a decade into a new relationship with someone I truly consider my soulmate. But “soulmate” doesn’t mean easy. It means we’re committed to doing the work—especially the work of blending families, healing old wounds, and growing through inevitable friction. We still have our differences. We still stumble. But we keep showing up with curiosity, humility, and care. Having lived through both disconnection and deep repair, I bring a grounded, compassionate hope to couples who are struggling. I don’t offer quick fixes—I offer real tools for real relationships. 🧠 How I Work with Neurodiverse Couples I specialize in helping neurodiverse couples —whether autistic, ADHD, or both—untangle the confusing, painful cycles that often arise when two very different nervous systems and communication styles collide. I don’t see either partner as “the problem.” Instead, I help couples understand how their unique wiring, regulation needs, and processing styles impact the way they connect—or miss each other. Together, we: Slow things down so both people feel safe and heard Shift out of blame and into shared curiosity Build a relational language that works for both neurotypes Learn how to repair misattunements with compassion and intention Respect sensory needs and differences in emotional pacing My approach blends depth and structure. Some of the methods I draw from include: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for co-regulation and secure attachment Imago Therapy for exploring how early wounds shape current conflict Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help each partner access compassion for their own inner world Gottman tools for practical support around communication, rituals, and conflict management Somatic and bioenergetic work to address what's held in the body, not just the mind Every couple is different—and in neurodiverse relationships, that difference is often wider and more profound than in neurotypical ones. That’s not a deficit—it’s just reality. With the right support, it can become a strength. 🌿 The Body Knows—Especially in Neurodiverse Relationships Before I became a therapist, I practiced acupuncture for 17 years. I’ve also trained in somatic healing and bioenergetic therapy, and I bring that deep respect for the body into my work with clients every day. Neurodiverse individuals—especially autistic folks—often live disconnected from their bodies. They may struggle with interoception (the ability to sense what's going on inside) or feel overloaded by sensory input, leading them to numb out or dissociate. Others may live in a state of chronic stress without even realizing it. In my work, I help clients tune back in—gently and safely. Whether through breath, movement, somatic tracking, or body awareness tools , we reconnect to the body not as a “fix,” but as a source of wisdom and regulation. This is especially important in relationships, where the body holds unspoken tension, patterns of shutdown, and the longings we can’t always verbalize. My training and experience include: Acupuncture and holistic bodywork Somatic therapy and bioenergetic release Support for postpartum health and hormonal transitions Women’s health and trauma recovery Personal experience as an athlete, injury survivor, and circus arts performer This embodied lens helps me work with clients whose nervous systems are exhausted, disconnected, or over-activated—especially in the context of neurodiverse relationships. 🌱 Parenting Neurodivergent Children I’m a mom of two amazing kids. My daughter is 9, and my son is 14 and autistic. Parenting a neurodivergent child has taught me more than any book or training ever could. I've come to understand the sensory challenges, the meltdowns, the brilliance, the beauty, and the fatigue. What’s more, I was diagnosed with ADHD later in life, which helped make sense of so many struggles I carried silently as a child—overwhelm, internal shame, and the constant feeling of falling short in a world that didn’t match how I was wired. This personal journey allows me to support other parents—especially those navigating diagnoses, school systems, and the emotional toll of loving a child who may not be understood by the world around them. I walk alongside you not as an expert from afar, but as someone in the trenches who deeply gets it. 👨👩👧👦 Co-Parenting After Separation I’ve lived the real-world challenges of co-parenting —trying to communicate with an ex while staying grounded in your values, protecting your kids' emotional safety, and managing the logistics of schedules, boundaries, and big feelings. Co-parenting can feel impossible at times, especially when there’s unresolved hurt or different parenting philosophies. I work with clients to develop r ealistic, compassionate strategies for communication, boundary-setting, and conflict de-escalation. My goal is to help you shift from power struggles to problem-solving, so your children get the best of both parents. 🏡 Blended Families: A New Blueprint Blending families isn't just about combining households—it’s about building a completely new system with its own rhythms, rituals, and rules. As someone who’s part of a blended family, I know the loyalty binds, the role confusion, and the emotional landmines that can appear unexpectedly. There’s grief for what was, hope for what could be, and lots of tension in the “in between.” I help blended families navigate common challenges like stepparent roles, co-parenting across households, discipline differences, and how to build connection when trust is still forming. Together, we create a new blueprint that honors everyone involved—including the kids. 🎨 And Just for Fun I’m endlessly curious and deeply creative. I love women’s soccer, making music, and getting lost in hands-on projects. I find beauty in the messiness of being human and believe that humor, creativity, and embodiment are essential parts of healing. Education & Clinical Training M.A. in Counseling Psychology (Marriage and Family Therapy) – National University M.S. in Oriental Medicine – Pacific College of Oriental Medicine Certified Bioenergetics Therapist – Southern California Institute of Bioenergetics (in progress) Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist #145908 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Trained in: Somatic Therapy & Nervous System Regulation Internal Family Systems (IFS) Trauma-Informed Couples Work Fertility, Pregnancy, and Postpartum Mental Health Women's Health & Holistic Medicine Acupuncture and Embodiment Practices Podcast Creator & Host: The Messy Middle (2016–2021) – Personal growth and emotional healing Body Talk (2024–Present) – Exploring somatic therapy, mind-body connection, and holistic wellness Specialty Areas: Autism, ADHD, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Blended Families, Somatic Therapies, IFS, Trauma, Neurodiverse Couples, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients, Attachment, AuDHD, Communication, Couples Retreats/Intensives, Discernment, Emotion Focused Therapy, Highly Sensitive People (HSP), Multicultural Challenges, Teens, General Couples Coaching, Family Conflict, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Integrative Spiritual Therapy, Cassandra Syndrome, Emotional Intimacy, Emotional Regulation, Life Transitions Maring Higa Take an Autism Test

< Back Jen Terrell | Neurodiverse Couples Specialist At a Glance: My Journey & Experience Specialist in Neurodiverse Processing & Communication – Helps partners navigate differences in sensitivity, sensory load, and emotional expression, fostering connection across neurotypes. Trauma-Informed, Nervous-System-Centered – Prioritizes regulation before resolution so communication and repair can actually land. Autism, ADHD, and Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)–Informed Care – Helps clients understand their sensitivity, manage sensory and emotional overload, and develop regulation tools that make daily life and relationships more sustainable. 28 Years Married – Brings long-term partnership perspective to real-world issues like rupture, repair, routines, and seasons of closeness/distance. Mother of Four – Parent of four children (ages 13 to 17) with decades of lived experience; helps parents understand behavior through a sensory and regulation lens and build connection through practical routines and repair. Culturally & Biculturally Fluent (Korean/American) – Welcomes bicultural families, immigrants, and intergenerational dynamics; builds bridges without forcing assimilation. Betrayal & Trust Repair – Experienced in helping couples recover from relational injuries (ranging from major betrayals to quiet accumulations of hurt). Healing for Neurodiverse Couples Welcome! I believe that every neurodiverse couple needs a clear, repeatable way to stay connected without burning out. My approach is to translate different communication styles, reduce avoidable overload, and design a rhythm of togetherness and solitude that keeps both partners regulated enough to connect. Partners often speak different “native languages”—one may be more literal, direct, and energy‑limited; the other more inferential, fast‑paced, and socially tuned. We’ll get specific about time (how you start/stop, transition, and reunite), communication (how bids are sent and received), and environment (sensory factors that either drain or refuel), with an eye on roles, fairness, and repair. Here are core practices we’ll build together: Communication mapping & translation: turn missed bids into clear asks; bridge literal ↔ inferential styles; agree on scripts and hand signals for “I’m flooding” and “please be concrete.” Time design: set a predictable cadence of together/alone; use “parallel play” and low‑demand connection; build entry/exit rituals so reunions don’t derail. Sensory‑aware connection : plan dates and talks around noise/light/texture limits; negotiate eye‑contact and touch preferences; create a quiet‑connection menu. Executive‑function scaffolding: externalize plans with shared calendars/boards; define task hand‑offs; use time‑blindness tools and realistic transition buffers. Repair rituals: slow down escalations with step‑by‑step time‑outs; separate intent from impact; use brief apology/repair templates and scheduled do‑overs. Role clarity & fairness: make invisible labor visible; rebalance loads in weekly check‑ins; document “how we do it” for recurring friction points. Intimacy agreements: map bids for affection/sexuality; create a pressure‑free intimacy menu and consent signals so closeness feels safe, not demanding. Who I Work With If you’re seeking a relational, trauma-informed, nervous-system-centered approach—and you want practical steps that protect the dignity of both partners—you’re in the right place. Neurodiverse couples and individuals who want to better understand their brains and strengthen their connection. Partners caught in protest–withdraw, collapse–escalate, or silence–pursuit cycles Highly sensitive clients who feel overwhelmed or chronically misunderstood Couples facing communication breakdowns and trust ruptures Families navigating bicultural, immigrant, and intergenerational dynamics If you want a relational, trauma‑informed, nervous‑system‑centered approach—with practical steps that protect the dignity of both partners—I’d be honored to work with you. Personal Story Between Worlds (Bicultural Roots) I’m the first‑generation daughter of a Korean immigrant mother and an American father. From the start, I translated more than words—decoding emotion, catching the rules no one said out loud, and learning how to belong in two cultures that didn’t always speak to each other. Fluent in the Unsaid (Alexithymic Parent) In our home, the loudest things were often unspoken. My dad—late‑identified with alexithymia—showed love in steady, practical ways, but emotional words rarely appeared. I became fluent in tone, timing, and tension. In sessions, that means I track micro‑shifts in breath, eyes, and posture so people feel understood even before the words come. I help partners name what they’re experiencing without shame or minimization, so truth lands without doing more harm. Highly Sensitive, Not Fragile (HSP) As a kid, I over‑functioned—anticipating needs, smoothing conflict, and carrying more than I could hold. Adulthood asked me to refine that sensitivity into a strength. Today I honor bandwidth, set clear boundaries, and use sensitivity as a precise instrument for connection. In practice, we pace the work to what your nervous systems can actually tolerate and design environments—sensory, time, and tasks—that support connection rather than sabotage it. (If HSP is new—or you’d like a quick read and a brief screener— here’s a short guide . Twenty‑Eight Years Married I’ve been married for 28 years. Long‑term love isn’t a straight line; it moves through seasons. I’ve lived chapters of deep connection and chapters that required grit, mercy, humor, and repair. That history shapes my lens. I respect the real cycle of closeness, distance, rupture, and repair. I focus on daily design—routines, roles, and transitions—that make safety repeatable. My hope is honest, not naïve: change is possible when it’s practiced, not just promised. And I carry a bias toward repair in real time rather than perfection in theory. Steady When Sessions Feel Intense Couples therapy can feel pressure‑filled—voices tighten, bodies brace, and it can seem like everything is on the line. This is a space where I feel at home. Years of leading through real‑world crises taught me how to stay calm, keep dignity intact, and guide two good people back to each other when the moment feels impossible. In the room, I slow reactivity so thinking can return, I name the pattern that’s hijacking the conversation, and I help you find the next caring step you can actually do. From Othering to Belonging Growing up in a Northern California suburb, I often felt like an outsider—present but out of sync. That experience sharpened my empathy for anyone who feels “too much,” “too little,” or simply “different.” In couples work, that becomes bridge‑building: not assimilation to one partner’s style, but a third way where both people are understood and supported. Why This Matters in Therapy This background means I translate across neurotypes and cultures so messages land as intended. I privilege nervous‑system reality over willpower so change is sustainable. And I protect the dignity of both partners while we practice new moves in the room. What to Expect in Session Clients describe my style as warm, steady, and clear. I am direct without shaming and structured without being rigid. We will name what is actually happening between you, not just what you wish were happening. We will practice in the room so you don’t have to build new habits alone at home. We will keep an eye on sensory load, processing speed, and executive‑function bandwidth so that plans are doable, not performative. And when repairs are needed, we will do them well—at a pace your bodies can tolerate—so trust has a chance to grow again. Neurodiversity & Identity I’m proud to be neurodiverse. I’m unequivocally a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and—when you look through the lens of how autism often presents in women—my profile includes strong autistic traits alongside very high camouflaging. That matches my lived experience: I feel deeply, notice quickly, and learned early to “blend in” to keep connection. I also experience meaningful sensory differences, so I pay close attention to sound, light, and tactile load—for myself and for my clients. Because I’m wired this way, I intuitively understand the push–pull dynamics many neurodiverse couples face, and I know how to translate, pace, and design safety so both partners can actually meet. Parenting Across Neurotypes I love being a mom of four precious children—ages 27 to 13. Parenting four different humans taught me more about neurodiversity than any textbook. Each child brought a distinct nervous system, sensory profile, and way of connecting. Strategies that soothed one could overwhelm another. I learned—sometimes the hard way—that what looks like “defiance” or “avoidance” is often a nervous system protecting itself from overload. I also learned that the same moment can require very different responses: one child needed quiet and deep pressure to come back online; another needed movement and a time‑boxed plan; a third needed humor and a snack before words; a fourth needed space and a predictable check‑in. That lived education is the backbone of my work with parents. In my work with parents, I translate behavior through a regulation and sensory lens, build routines that actually fit a family’s bandwidth, and protect connection while setting clear, sustainable boundaries. Structure and tenderness are not opposites; they’re partners. Decode: meltdown vs. shutdown; sensory overload vs. “oppositional”; lagging skills vs. willful refusal. Design: mornings, transitions, homework flow, screen‑time limits, and recovery plans after overwhelm. Co‑regulate: simple scripts, breath/grounding cues, sensory kits, and repair rituals after conflict. Boundaries: a few clear rules, visual cues, choices inside limits, and plans for high‑stress moments. Special Focus: Betrayal Healing Betrayal shows up in every relationship in one form or another—sometimes large and obvious, sometimes quiet and cumulative. However it appears, it wounds safety and reshapes the story two people tell about each other. My focus is to slow reactivity, put clear words to the harm, and build a steady, compassionate repair process that honors truth, restores safety, and rebuilds trust over time. This work is careful and paced to what bodies can tolerate; it’s not performative, and it’s not rushed. Training & Approaches My work is grounded in relational neuroscience—the brain is social and changes through co‑regulation. Insight matters, but change sticks through repeated, attuned moments of safety. I integrate: Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) — reference: PACT Institute Internal Family Systems (parts work) — reference: IFS Institute Polyvagal‑informed regulation work — reference: Polyvagal Institute Somatic tracking and attunement — reference: Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute Attachment science for couples (EFT) — reference: ICEEFT Trauma‑informed principles — reference: SAMHSA Research‑based communication and repair tools — reference: The Gottman Institute License &Employment Information Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #155583 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Highly Sensitive People (HSP), Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Communication, Multicultural Challenges, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients, ADHD, Blended Families, Cassandra Syndrome, Life Transitions, Teens, Trauma Jen Terrell Take an Autism Test

< Back Rachel Wheeler Neurodivergent-Affirming Therapist for Couples, Individuals, and Parents I don’t just study neurodiversity—I live it. I’m an AuDHD therapist, a neurodivergent parent navigating the complexities of raising a child with multiple neurodivergences, and someone who has spent her life learning how to translate across differences. I specialize in working with neurodivergent individuals and couples who are tired of being misunderstood—and ready to build relationships based on clarity, compassion, and connection. Neurodiversity Is My Special Interest If there were a degree in neurodiversity, I’d have it. I’ve taken over 50 courses across autism, ADHD, PDA (Pervasive Drive for Autonomy), trauma, relationships, and more. Understanding how the nervous system interacts with communication, identity, and attachment is my passion—and the foundation of how I work. Neurodivergence isn’t just a topic I care about—it’s who I am. I’m Autistic. I’m ADHD. I’m PDA. I’ve built a neurodiverse marriage and I’m raising a neurodivergent child. Everything I know clinically is grounded in lived experience. I’ve had to figure out, step by step, how to make relationships work outside the neurotypical mold. A Marriage Transformed Our Story My husband and I have been married for over 16 years, after spending 7 years as close friends. That long friendship built our foundation—but it didn’t prepare us for the confusion that came from not understanding our different neurotypes. We appreciated each other’s quirks, but communication was hard. We missed signals. We misread needs. It wasn’t until I received my diagnosis that everything finally made sense. Suddenly, what once felt like failure became clarity. Our relationship shifted from expectation and blame to mutual understanding and compassion. We stopped trying to force a mold—and instead began co-creating a relationship that supported both of us. One built not on obligation, but on respect and accommodation. Understanding our differences made room for greater connection. It allowed us to build a dynamic that amplifies our strengths and honors our needs. We’ve been through a lot. But time and again, we reconnect—and come back stronger. That’s what’s possible when both partners are committed to learning and growing together. How I Help Other Neurodiverse Couples My own experience allows me to support couples in ways that feel grounded, real, and hopeful. I work with partners who: Are just discovering they’re in a neurodiverse relationship Feel stuck in cycles of blame, disconnection, or shutdown Long for more clarity, respect, and emotional safety In therapy, I help couples: Understand the neurology beneath their differences Replace misinterpretations with curiosity and insight Create accommodations that support both partners Rebuild connection after ruptures or misunderstandings Neurodiverse relationships don’t need to be confusing or lonely. With the right tools and understanding, they can become some of the most resilient, creative, and fulfilling connections there are. PDA: A Drive for Autonomy, Not Defiance PDA—often called Pathological Demand Avoidance—is deeply misunderstood. I prefer to use the frame Pervasive Drive for Autonomy . People with PDA aren’t being oppositional—they’re responding to perceived threats to their autonomy. When something feels like a demand, their nervous system can go into shutdown or resistance. This trait shows up in kids, in adults, in couples. It impacts how we relate, how we parent, how we experience daily life. I help: Parents reduce power struggles and increase connection Individuals name what feels threatening and find accommodations Partners spot PDA patterns in their dynamic and respond with compassion Understanding PDA allows us to stop fighting what we don’t understand—and start connecting in ways that work. Twice Exceptional, Fully Myself I’m 2e — a person who lives at the intersection of giftedness and neurodivergence. My strengths are vivid and unconventional, but for years, my giftedness masked my challenges, leading to unmet needs, emotional overwhelm, and burnout. I’ve felt the weight of sensitivity — the kind that absorbs everything and can’t always let go — and I’ve known the ache of social isolation behind a capable exterior. Being twice exceptional means living with both brightness and complexity. It’s not about being “high-functioning” — it’s about being human in ways that don’t always fit the mold. I’m passionate about mental health, neurodiversity (including autism, PDA, and ADHD), and making space for people whose experiences don’t fit into neat categories. I now advocate for the kind of understanding I once needed — for myself and for others walking the same layered path. Parenting While Neurodivergent—and Raising ND Kids I’m parenting a beautifully complex, profoundly sensitive neurodivergent child. We adapt constantly. And we do it as two neurodivergent people learning from each other. What I’ve learned from my daughter is invaluable. She’s helped me understand masking, sensory needs, emotional safety—and how to advocate fiercely while staying grounded. That’s a skill I bring to the parents I work with. In therapy, I support parents who are: Struggling to find support that actually fits their child Grieving the loss of conventional expectations Managing meltdowns and shutdowns with limited reserves Trying to hold their child while also holding themselves Parenting isn’t about perfection—it’s about presence, flexibility, and repair. I help parents feel resourced, seen, and ready to do things differently. The High Cost of Camouflaging I was a highly camouflaging autistic person. For years, I didn’t even realize how much I was masking—until I saw the difference in how my daughter moved through the world. Her authenticity gave me the courage to begin unmasking. Not recklessly—but thoughtfully. Purposefully. In ways that allowed me to stay safe while becoming more whole. In therapy, I help clients: Identify when and why they’re masking Reconnect with their authentic self Understand how camouflaging impacts mental health and relationships Masking is a brilliant strategy. But it doesn’t have to be your default. There are safer, softer ways to show up in the world—and we’ll explore them together. A Brush with Mortality That Changed Everything As an adult, I had a near-death experience. It was beautiful—but also clarifying. It reshaped my relationship to time, purpose, and presence. I carry that insight into my therapy work. Especially with couples, I hold space for: Savoring the present instead of clinging to old arguments Letting go of pettiness in favor of connection Remembering what really matters before it’s too late Therapy is where we slow down and remember how precious life is. It’s where we build relationships worth waking up for. Outside the Therapy Room I love walking in nature, practicing yoga, meditating, cooking with my daughter, listening to music, dancing, and watching British TV (another special interest). These joys keep me grounded—and they remind me that life doesn’t have to be perfect to be meaningful. Training and Background MS in Advanced Clinical Practice, Columbia University Continuing Education: Audited Intensive Lectures & Seminars, C.G. Jung Institute, Switzerland PDA North America Level 2 Certified PAST PDA UK Level 3 Certified 50+ advanced trainings in neurodivergence, trauma, and relationships What I Offer Therapy for neurodivergent couples, individuals, and parents Expertise in PDA, masking, emotional regulation, and communication A space grounded in lived experience, deep compassion, and clinical skill If you’ve felt like no one’s really gotten you—therapy with me might feel different. Not because you’re broken. But because you finally don’t have to pretend. When you’re ready, I’m here. More Associate Clinical Social Worker, ASW #126649 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: AuDHD, ADHD, Autism, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Neurodiverse Couples, PDA, Attachment, ASD/Allistic Couples, Assessment, Highly Sensitive People (HSP), Trauma, Somatic Therapies, Alexithymia, Twice-exceptional (2e), Not Accepting New Clients Rachel Wheeler Take an Autism Test

< Back Alyssa Bayus Neurodiverse Couples Specialist | Associate Marriage and Family Therapist My Story Childhood: Reading the Room Early My parents divorced when I was born, so I grew up moving between homes, rhythms, and emotional climates. From an early age I learned to listen closely—to notice the small cues, the shifts in tone, the unspoken needs. That constant translating between worlds became its own kind of training, teaching me how to understand and attune to the nervous systems around me. It’s from that place of lived experience that this work first took root. Marriage: Lessons from the Inside I spent more than twenty years in a marriage that became a deep teacher for me—showing me so much about attachment, conflict, boundaries , and the tender truth that real change only lasts when both people are willing to look inward and try new patterns together. T hose years softened and steadied me. They made me practical, grounded, and clear about what truly helps people grow and stay connected. And when that marriage ended, the divorce became its own initiation. I had to start again—slowly, honestly, and with a courage I didn’t know I had. That experience didn’t harden me; it expanded me. It taught me that rebuilding is possible, that beginning again can be an act of wisdom, and that life after loss can be deeply alive and meaningful. Motherhood: Immersed in Neurodiversity I’m the parent of three wonderful kids who each learn and relate differently. ADHD is the loudest drumbeat in our home— time blindness, task initiation, emotional intensity, sleep shifts, school demands , and the constant need to right-size expectations. We’ve chased accurate diagnoses, weighed medication trade-offs, and rebuilt routines as they grew. Autism is also part of our extended family, so I understand the sensory and communication layers that shape daily life. I don’t treat neurodiversity as theory; I live it. How I Help Neurodiverse Couples I work with couples where one or both partners are autistic or ADHD. The goal is simple: reduce friction, increase connection, and build systems that fit your actual brains. What we map together Communication styles and processing speeds (literal vs. inferential, fast vs. deliberate). Sensory profiles (sound, light, touch, pacing) and how they affect conflict and intimacy. Executive-function load: who’s cueing, who’s tracking, and what regularly gets dropped. Stress cycles: masking, overwhelm, shutdown, and how each partner signals “I’m done.” What we build Effective rituals for connection, conflict repair, and de-escalation that either partner can start. Division-of-labor plans tied to energy and executive function, not wishful thinking. Conversation “lane markers”: slow starts, structured turns, timeouts that don’t feel like rejection. Sensory-informed intimacy plans (pressure/tempo/context/aftercare) that make closeness easier to reach. Burnout buffers : predictable recovery windows, transition cues, and re-entry scripts. A shared language for differences so misunderstandings stop turning into character judgments. How we work in session Short, plain language; concrete skills; measurable follow-through. One page of “what we’re trying” each week—small, repeatable, testable. Accountability and empathy in the same room. Methods I draw from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) The Gottman Method Neurodiversity-informed psychoeducation and skills training Habit and routine design based on executive-function science Results you can expect Fewer blowups, faster resets. Less guessing, more predictable connection. Systems that survive real weeks, not fantasy ones. Parenting Support for ADHD and Autism Parenting neurodivergent kids is a moving target. I help you trade shame and “shoulds” for fit and function. Core tools we focus on: Executive-function scaffolds: externalize plans (visual schedules, timers, “next two steps” lists), create “ready states,” and use time anchors to cut decision fatigue. Motivation and momentum: short horizons, immediate feedback, two-minute starts, novelty cycles without turning life into a prize hunt. Regulation and meltdowns: map heat zones, co-regulate first, solve later; keep debriefs brief and blame-free. Sensory and environment: identify triggers, build predictable retreats, and translate “won’t” into “can’t yet under these conditions.” School/IEP/504 : write short, winnable requests; design a weekly homework rhythm that anticipates energy dips. Family load: rotate the “primary executive” role, write silent defaults (what happens if nobody cues), and use micro-handoffs. Outcome Calmer days, more follow-through, and systems you can keep when life gets busy. Money and Relationships Before becoming a therapist, I worked as a financial planner and advisor. The biggest problems weren’t math—they were meaning: safety, control, freedom, fairness, respect. Executive-function differences and processing mismatches add extra friction. I will help you lower it. What we do Build a shared language : turn “too much spending” into specific thresholds, categories, and timeframes. Separate values from methods so you stop arguing about tools and start aligning on what matters. Protect the relationship: clear roles, cool-off rules for high-stakes purchases, and scheduled repair talks. Result Money stops running the relationship. You get calm, clarity, and a plan that sticks. Sexual Addiction and Betrayal Although this bio centers neurodiversity, I also work with couples facing sexual acting out and betrayal using a structured pathway that prioritizes safety for the betrayed partner and accountability for the acting-out partner. If that’s your situation, ask about my dedicated track. Faith and Mindfulness I was raised in both Catholic and Protestant traditions and now consider myself spiritual. I value mindfulness and welcome couples from all faith backgrounds—and none. Your values lead the work. Personal Interests Golf keeps me present. Pickleball brings energy and fun. Horseback riding sharpens the nonverbal listening I use every day in therapy. I have fostered over 50 dogs and I love all animals. Education and Training M.A., Marriage and Family Therapy, National University, 2009 B.A., Sociology, Ithaca College, 1994 License & Employment Information Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #158340 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers If You’re Ready If you want less friction and more connection—with systems that fit your brains and your life—I’m ready when you are. Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Emotional Intimacy, Communication, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Emotion Focused Therapy, Blended Families, Cassandra Syndrome, Divorce, General Couples Coaching, Attachment, ADHD, Emotional Regulation, Life Transitions, Not Accepting New Clients Alyssa Bayus Take an Autism Test

< Back Kimberly Hawks Neurodiverse Couples Specialist | Associate Marriage and Family Therapist My Approach to Therapy Welcome! I believe neurodiverse couples deserve understanding, practical tools, and compassionate support to navigate differences, repair ruptures, and strengthen their bond. Therapy with me centers on how you relate to yourself and how you connect with your partner, so we can co-create healthier patterns that respect your individual needs and the realities of your neurodiverse relationship. Together, we will design a clear roadmap with actionable steps for communication, shared growth, healing, and resilience —helping you navigate conflict, feel heard, cultivate compassion, and deepen your connection. M y Journey: Neurodiversity in Parenting, Partnership, and Life I’m a wife and mom in a neurodiverse family. Our three kids each have different neurotypes, my husband has ADHD, and I’m a highly sensitive person (HSP). As a couple, our different wiring impacts our parenting approaches, emotional needs, communication styles, and ways of showing and feeling love. Over the years, we’ve navigated the ups and downs of raising children, managing serious medical challenges for one of our children while keeping life “normal” for our other two, and juggling work and travel. In times of crisis and busy-ness, it’s easy to slip into survival mode and stop connecting—we’ve learned that relationships, especially between partners with different neurotypes, take intentional daily practice . Small, consistent efforts to stay attuned, adapt, and repair have strengthened our bond and our family rhythm. Children thrive when their parents are connected and in love. This experience informs how I support couples: empathy, practical strategies, curiosity, and consistent practice can make real, lasting change in relationships. Parenting Through Neurodiversity and Serious Medical Issues I’ve done the hospital all-nighters, medication schedules, insurance calls, and constant “Plan B.” I’ve navigated children with different needs, and when HSP and ADHD come into conflict at the least opportune times—and learned that clear communication and small repeatable routines steady a household better than one-off heroics. Families don’t need perfection; they need nervous-system regulation, aligned expectations, clear boundaries, and repair that actually sticks . Adoption, Attachment, and Complex Family Systems I was adopted as an infant and raised with split custody after my adoptive parents divorced. My mom came out as a lesbian when I was in first grade and built a large, loving blended family with her partner (now wife of 20+ years), her children, and my step-sister from a prior relationship. My dad remarried, and in that home I was an only child. As an adult, I reunited with my birth mother. Living between different households—and then doing the attachment work of reunification—taught me that belonging is built through safety, consistency, and trust , not titles. I bring those attachment lessons into therapy: predictable care, listening, straight talk, and small promises kept. Married 25 Years- Staying Connected My husband and I met in college on the East Coast, and in 2025 we celebrated 25 years of marriage. He was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult–learning about his neurotype, and understanding more about my sensitivity, enabled us to break old cycles of recurrent arguments, missed cues, and shutdown/flare patterns. Couples counseling has been key to our growth and staying connected , especially during medical crises and times of stress—prioritizing repair over being “right,” using clear scripts on hard days, and protecting time for intimacy and connection when everything else feels unstable. This experience informs my work as a couples therapist, helping partners navigate differences, improve communication, and strengthen their connection. Parent Coaching and School Support Before becoming a therapist, I helped to launch two schools –a preschool and a K-8 school, where I was deeply involved in school administration and admissions. That experience matters. I understand how administrators make decisions, how to make sure a school is a good fit for a child, and how to advocate for the support that each child needs and deserves through collaboration and IEP/504 processes. As a therapist, I bring experience working in elementary school settings and was honored with a California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT) award in 2025 for my collaborative approach to working with neurodiverse children, their families, schools, and other specialists. Mind–Body Wellness Trail running with friends keeps me balanced—it’s nervous-system regulation in motion. Cooking with my family, whether we’re making homemade pasta or tackling creative kitchen challenges, brings joy and connection. Time with friends and family restores perspective, and reading keeps me curious. Playing with our golden retriever, going on dates with my husband, jumping on the trampoline with my son, and hanging out with my teen daughters make life deeply meaningful. These moments remind me that nurturing our closest relationships matters most, especially when life feels full and demanding. Neurodiverse Couples: Repair That Works Under Real-Life Stress Neurodiverse couples often love each other deeply but trip the same wires: intent vs. impact mismatches, processing-speed differences, sensory overload, executive-function gaps, and uneven social needs. When you add a child’s medical needs or school crisis, the bond can slide into logistics-only mode and resentment. What we build together: Shared language for neurotype differences. Clear, non-pathologizing terms that reduce blame and make needs discussable. Repair first, then reasons. Ownership before context; repair scripts that fit your brains and your stress window. Executive-function scaffolds for the relationship. Time anchors, transition plans, decision trees, and externalized reminders so love isn’t held hostage by working memory. Sensory-aware intimacy. Pressure-free closeness, pacing, and predictable rituals that make connection safe again. Conflict that ends. Shorter fights, calmer recoveries, and agreements you can actually keep during busy weeks or medical flares. Bottom line: we design routines and communication playbooks that hold under pressure—because that’s when you need them. Parenting Neurodiverse Children (Including Chronic Illness and 2e) Parenting neurodiverse kids is both beautiful and challenging. You’re balancing strengths with support needs, independence with safety, and your own burnout due to high demands. I help you: Stabilize the nervous system at home (yours and your child’s) before layering new skills. Build routines that survive chaos, using smallest viable steps and visual anchors. Translate assessments into accommodations schools will actually implement. Support 2e learners so giftedness doesn’t mask disability—or vice versa. Cope with chronic illness : pacing, grief, medical advocacy, and sibling care that doesn’t disappear. Manage dynamics between siblings of different neurotypes, fostering understanding, fairness, and connection. Align as parents to reduce conflict and create consistency, helping children feel safe and supported. Keep the couple strong so the family system can thrive. Blended Families (Informed by My Own Upbringing) Growing up across two homes—with different rules, values, and cultures—taught me how identity and belonging form in motion. In session, we clarify roles, set respectful boundaries, and create rituals that include everyone without erasing anyone. Small, predictable gestures build trust faster than good intentions. Working With Adult Adoptees Adults who were adopted in infancy or childhood often experience unique challenges around attachment, identity, and belonging. In my work with adult adoptees, I help clients understand how early adoption experiences can shape patterns of closeness and trust with partners and children, as well as how these dynamics may influence parenting. Together, we explore the impact of trauma, loss, and questions of identity while building tools for authentic connection and open conversations about adoption within relationships and families. Treatment Modalities- An Integrative Approach There’s no single approach that works for everyone. I take time to get to know you—both as individuals and as a couple—and tailor my work to meet your unique needs and goals. I draw from a range of therapeutic modalities and the latest evidence-based research to best support your growth and connection: Foundational Approaches: CBT, ACT, Humanistic/Person-Centered, Solution-Focused/Brief, Psychodynamic, Behavioral and Social Thinking interventions. Mind–Body & Experiential: Mindfulness, somatic-informed work, expressive arts to help clients connect with and regulate their internal experiences. Relationship & Systems: Family Systems Therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Relational Life Therapy (RLT) to support connection and relational growth. Trauma-Informed: I use a trauma-informed lens in all of my work, creating a safe, attuned, and empowering environment to help clients process experiences and build resilience. Collaboration: I coordinate with medical teams, schools, specialists, and educational consultants when it supports the work and the client’s goals. Education Bachelor of Arts , Psychology — Boston College Master of Science , Counseling Psychology — Dominican University of California License & Employment Information Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #156426 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), CBT, Attachment, ACT, Blended Families, Communication, Emotional Intimacy, ADHD, Discernment, Emotion Focused Therapy, Family Conflict, General Couples Coaching, Highly Sensitive People (HSP), ND at Work, Teens, Trauma, Not Accepting New Clients Kimberly Hawks Take an Autism Test

< Back At a Glance: My Journey & Focus Who I Help: Neurodiverse Couples – Supporting relationships where one or both partners are autistic or neurodivergent, improving communication, connection, and emotional regulation Couples of All Backgrounds – Helping partners navigate differences, deepen intimacy, and resolve recurring conflicts in a way that fosters understanding and growth Parents of Neurodivergent Children – Providing guidance and support for parents raising autistic and ADHD children, with an emphasis on communication, advocacy, and self-compassion Neurodivergent Individuals – Assisting autistic and ADHD clients in self-exploration, emotional regulation, and navigating relationships and societal expectations Multicultural & Immigrant Families – Supporting mixed-culture relationships and families through acculturation challenges, language barriers, and cultural identity exploration LGBTQIA+, Polyamorous, & Kink-Affirming Clients – Offering an inclusive, judgment-free space for identity, relationship structure, and self-discovery Core Beliefs & Approach: Love Looks Different for Everyone – Relationships don’t need to fit a traditional mold; they need to work for you The Problem Is Not You, The Problem Is the Problem – Externalizing struggles to foster teamwork in couples therapy Depathologizing Neurodivergence – Your brain isn’t broken, and therapy shouldn’t try to "fix" you—it should help you thrive Communication Is a Skill, Not an Expectation – Every couple and family can build a communication system that fits their needs Honoring Identity & Intersectionality – Your culture, neurotype, sexuality, and lived experience all shape how you connect and grow in relationships Embracing the Complexity of Relationships Relationships are messy, beautiful, challenging, and deeply personal . When couples struggle, it’s rarely because they lack love—it’s because they lack understanding of each other’s unique ways of thinking, feeling, and processing the world . This is especially true for neurodiverse couples , where communication differences, sensory needs, and emotional regulation challenges can lead to misinterpretations, frustration, and disconnection . My work is centered on helping couples build a relationship that works for them— not one that fits neurotypical or societal expectations. Common Challenges in Neurodiverse Relationships: Communication Differences – One partner may prefer direct, factual conversations , while the other thrives on emotionally expressive dialogue Processing & Emotional Regulation – Conflicts escalate when one partner needs time to process, while the other needs immediate reassurance Executive Functioning Mismatches – Different organizational styles can lead to frustration around household management and responsibilities Social & Sensory Needs – One partner may need more alone time , while the other craves constant connection Misinterpretation of Love & Affection – Some express love through acts of service , while others need verbal affirmation Rather than focusing on who is "right" or "wrong" , we work on understanding and adapting to each other’s neurotypes , creating new ways of connecting that feel authentic and fulfilling . My Personal Journey: From Disconnection to Understanding I didn’t just learn about neurodiverse relationships in textbooks—I’ve lived it. When I first met my partner, I was fascinated by their brilliant mind, unique perspective, and deep emotional world . But as our relationship grew, so did the challenges. What I saw as emotional distance, they experienced as sensory overload. What I needed as verbal reassurance, they struggled to express in words. For years, we misunderstood each other’s reactions, mistaking neurological differences for personal failings . Conflict left us both feeling isolated and unseen —until we began learning how to communicate in a way that worked for our relationship, not just for one of us. Through therapy, we discovered: Love doesn’t always sound like "I love you"— sometimes, it looks like small, quiet gestures of care Space isn’t rejection—sometimes, it’s self-regulation Verbal processing isn’t better than non-verbal processing—it’s just different This experience reshaped my approach to couples therapy . I know firsthand how hard it can be to bridge these gaps—but I also know it’s absolutely possible with the right tools and support. Let’s Build a Relationship That Works for You Therapy should be a place where you feel understood, not judged . Whether you’re working through relationship struggles, parenting challenges, or personal growth, I’m here to support you in creating a life and relationships that truly reflect who you are . Neuro-affirming Practice In my view, a truly neurodiversity-affirming practice begins with being neuro-informed. By grounding our work in a deep understanding of neurodiversity, we can accompany you on your journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance with an informed and compassionate presence—one that validates the full spectrum of your traits and identities. The focus is not on counting deficits or pathologizing differences, but rather on cultivating curiosity to understand what is present and meaningful for each individual. From that perspective, my therapy and coaching work is about sharing knowledge about how others with similar neurotypes have developed supportive strategies, as well as integrating insights from emerging research and leading voices in the neurodiversity-affirming therapeutic community. Ultimately, with this approach you are neither alone nor broken, but part of a broader and valued spectrum of human experience. Specialties: Neurodiverse & Neurotypical Couples Counseling ADHD & Autism Relationship Coaching Emotional Regulation & Executive Functioning Support Complex Parenting Challenges Multicultural & Intercultural Relationships LGBTQIA+, Poly & Kink-Affirming Therapy Identity & Self-Exploration Therapy Modalities: Gottman Method (Levels 1 & 2) Narrative Therapy Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) Internal Family Systems (IFS) Attachment-Based Therapy Education Touro University Worldwide – Masters in Marriage and Family Therapy University of Vermont – M.A. English Literature (2008) University of Cincinnati – B.A. English Literature (2002) License: Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #151193 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: ASD/Allistic Couples, LGBTQIA+, ADHD, Autism, Emotional Regulation, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), AuDHD, Attachment, IFS, Communication, Sex/Physical Intimacy, Emotional Intimacy, Not Accepting New Clients, Assessment, Buddist - Spiritual, Cassandra Syndrome, Emotion Focused Therapy, Internal Family Systems, Neurodiverse Couples, Trauma, Highly Sensitive People (HSP) Lea Choi Take an Autism Test

< Back Jenny Pan Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist | Neurodiverse Couples Specialist My Personal Story Caught Between Cultures I am a first-generation Chinese American, born in Taiwan and raised in New York. I’m fluent in Mandarin Chinese and deeply connected to my cultural roots. But growing up, I often felt like I had to shapeshift to belong—blend in, stay quiet, and strive for perfection in everything I did. I carried the weight of being “too much” in some spaces and “not enough” in others. Over time, I’ve come to embrace what makes me different. I wear my heritage with pride, speak my truth with courage, and hold my healing journey as a testament to resilience. Early Struggles With Differences I immigrated to the U.S. at age 9 and endured years of bullying due to emotional, physical, and learning differences. Like many kids in the '80s, I went undiagnosed for ADHD —though I carried many of its traits. A Neurodivergent Marriage - Unrecognized Later in life, I married someone who was eventually diagnosed with autism— after our divorce. For 15 years, we struggled to connect, not realizing that we were a neurodivergent couple trying to operate in a neurotypical model of marriage. Living Through Cassandra Syndrome I now understand that I was experiencing something many partners of autistic individuals face: Cassandra Syndrome. I was confused, emotionally depleted, and constantly questioning my reality. At the time, I didn’t have a name for the chronic sense of loneliness and the emotional disconnection I felt. Today, I can look back and name it—and I want others to know they are not alone. If this resonates with you, I recommend exploring Believing Cassandra , a powerful resource for partners of neurodivergent individuals. Parenting in a Neurodiverse World Today, I’m the mother of two amazing kids (now 14 and 12), including a daughter with ADHD. Our family continues to navigate the neurodiverse world—messy, beautiful, and real. At one point, I poured that journey into a poem, capturing the raw truth and hope that helped me move forward: Brokenness is not the end, it’s the place where light gets in, where truth unfolds in tender threads, and new stories can begin... This isn’t just poetry—it’s a path I’ve walked. The Impact of Therapy on My Life Therapy didn’t just help me—it changed everything. I often say my therapist was like a breath of fresh air to lungs that had forgotten how to breathe. Therapy gave me space to rediscover my voice, to grieve and heal, and to show up for my children in a way that felt grounded and whole. Becoming a therapist was a leap of faith. I wanted to give others the same compassion and clarity I received when I was lost. It’s been one of the most fulfilling decisions of my life. Helping Neurodiverse Couples Find Connection Neurodiverse couples often come to therapy exhausted—not from a lack of love, but from the endless misunderstandings. I get it, not just professionally, but personally. I’ve lived the confusion of missed cues, clashing communication styles, and emotional disconnection. These couples aren’t broken. They’re navigating two different operating systems, often without a manual. My approach is rooted in this truth: neurodiverse relationships can thrive—when we stop trying to force sameness and start learning each other’s language. I also work with individuals and couples in Mandarin (and Chinglish), offering a space that feels more natural and deeply connecting for clients with shared cultural backgrounds. I have experience supporting multicultural and mixed-background couples in navigating the complexities of identity, language, and communication. I help couples: Understand their neurological differences without judgment De-escalate conflict and strengthen emotional regulation Build communication tools that actually work for both partners Create systems that support daily functioning, from parenting to housework Repair old wounds while building new habits of connection Common dynamics I address include: One partner needing direct, literal communication while the other craves emotional nuance Shutdowns, meltdowns, or missed signals leading to hurt or confusion Different needs for routine, sensory input, or social interaction Emotional burnout from masking, rejection sensitivity, or late diagnosis Couples with mixed cultural backgrounds Together, we untangle the pain, challenge the shame, and build something more authentic—something that works. Life Inside a Neurodiverse Blended Family I’m now remarried and living in a blended family that includes my two children and my husband’s adult children. Every day, we’re learning how to honor each other’s histories, personalities, and neurotypes while building something new together. Blended families aren’t easy—but they are rich with opportunities for grace and growth. Ours has been no exception. We’ve had to work through loyalty binds, competing schedules, co-parenting dynamics with exes, and very different ways of expressing emotion or asking for space. What helps us stay connected is our commitment to intentional practices. We hold weekly check-ins as a couple—not just to address problems but to stay tuned in emotionally. We also attend monthly couples therapy, even during the calm seasons, because we believe in proactive care. It’s like tending a garden—you don’t wait until things are dying to water the soil. Our family isn’t seamless. But it’s ours. It’s genuine, loving, and constantly growing. And that, to me, is beautiful. Supporting Coparents and Blended Families in Neurodiverse Contexts Blending families is never simple. When you add neurodivergence—whether in a parent or child—it introduces a whole other layer of complexity. From sensory needs to emotional regulation, from time blindness to executive functioning struggles, the everyday logistics of parenting can feel overwhelming. I help parents and stepparents: Co-parent with empathy across households and neurotypes Build trust with stepchildren while respecting boundaries Manage uneven transitions between two homes Support neurodivergent children who feel misunderstood in blended environments Navigate parallel parenting, emotional dysregulation, and the grief of “family ideal” myths This isn’t just theoretical for me—it’s lived. And I bring that experience to every session with compassion, clarity, and hope. When Cultural Identity and Neurodivergence Collide In some couples, one partner is navigating the world through a neurodivergent lens while also carrying the weight of cultural expectations, family loyalty, or identity struggles. That’s been my lived experience—and it’s a frequent reality in the clients I serve. That is why I offer individuals and couples in Mandarin (and Chinglish) - to provide a space that feels more natural and deeply connecting for clients with similar cultural backgrounds. I am passionate about supporting multicultural and mixed-background couples in navigating the complexities of identity, language, and communication. Some of the challenges I help couples face include: Cultural pressure to “save face” conflicting with the need to set emotional boundaries Differences in how love, care, or conflict are expressed across cultural or neurological lines A neurodivergent partner who struggles with social norms while their partner fears community judgment One partner taught to suppress emotional needs, the other wired for direct expression or sensory regulation I help couples slow down, translate, and build shared meaning in a way that honors both their brains and their backgrounds. The goal isn’t assimilation—it’s authentic connection. My Book I’m proud to be a co-author of Asian American Chronicles: Tales of Mental Health & Hope, written with my professor and classmates. It’s a heartfelt, honest look at the intersection of cultural identity and emotional well-being. For anyone who’s felt caught between expectations and authenticity, I hope it brings comfort and connection. Healing Trauma & Relational Wounds with EMDR In addition to talk therapy, I am trained in EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing), a trauma-focused approach that helps the brain re-process painful experiences so they no longer feel as overwhelming, intrusive, or defining. I use EMDR with clients who are navigating: Complex PTSD rooted in childhood or relational trauma Betrayal trauma, affairs, and repeated relationship ruptures Chronic shame, self-blame, and “never enough” narratives Experiences of racism, bullying, or cultural invalidation that still echo in the present Because many of my clients are neurodivergent, highly sensitive, or carrying cultural and family expectations, I tailor EMDR to honor pacing, sensory needs, and safety. That can look like: Spending extra time preparing your nervous system and building trust Using clear stop signals, check-ins, and collaborative choice at every step Integrating body awareness, imagery, and resourcing that fit your cultural and personal story The goal isn’t to erase what happened. It’s to lessen the emotional “charge” of those memories, so they no longer run your relationships from the shadows—and you can respond from clarity and self-compassion instead of survival mode. Specialties Neurodiverse & Neurotypical Couples Counseling Complex PTSD Divorce, Parenting & Blended Family Work Betrayal & Affairs Recovery Work Multicultural Relationship Challenges LGBTQ+ Affirming and Relationship Support Modalities Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT) Gottman Method (Level 1) EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) Brainspotting (Phase 1) Traditional Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) & TEAM-CBT Trauma-Informed Therapy Existential Centered Therapy PREPARE/ENRICH assessment tool for premarital, marital or enrichment counseling Education M.A. Marriage and Family Therapy, Western Seminary B.S. Finance & Accounting, New York University License & Employment Information Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #155590 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Trauma, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), LGBTQIA+, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Divorce, Multicultural Challenges, Cassandra Syndrome, Communication, CBT, Brainspotting, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients, Assessment, Attachment, ADHD, AuDHD, IFS, Christian, Discernment, Autism, Internal Family Systems, Life Transitions, ND at Work, Sex/Physical Intimacy, Emotion Focused Therapy Jenny Pan Take an Autism Test

< Back Empowering Neurodiverse Relationships 🌿 I believe that neurodiverse couples can thrive when they are given the tools and support to better understand each other. Through neurodiverse couples counseling , I guide partners in embracing their differences. My goal is to help transform challenges into opportunities for growth and building fulfilling, connected relationships that honor each partner’s unique strengths. Specialties: Neurodiverse Couples Trauma Parenting (Neurotypical and Neurodiverse) Sex Addiction Substance Use Addiction Inner Child Work/Parts Work Life Experience Autistic & ADHD (AuDHD) Partner to a neurodiverse husband Mother to 2 wonderful children Identifies as a queer woman Experience being in recovery from addiction Clients: Couples Individuals Teens Families Group Therapy Modalities: IFS (Internal Family Systems) Family Systems Gottman Method Bowenian Family Therapy Emotionally-focused Therapy Solution-focused Therapy Trauma Informed Therapy My Professional Journey with Neurodiversity I believe my work as a therapist is enriched by a unique blend of personal and professional insights, particularly in the realm of neurodiversity. As an autistic woman also living with ADHD , I bring a deep, lived understanding of how neurodiverse traits—such as communication styles, sensory sensitivities, and emotional processing —impact relationships. My professional background, which includes working as a physician and now as an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist allows me to support my clients in both the emotional and practical aspects of building healthier, more connected relationships. Through my own journey with neurodiversity, I’ve come to understand how differences can be both challenging and transformative. These experiences shape my empathetic approach, especially in helping couples navigate the unique dynamics that neurodiversity introduces into their relationships. Personal Experiences That Shape My Work As a queer woman in recovery from addiction, my personal experiences have been integral to my coaching practice. I’ve embarked on a long journey of self-discovery, working through childhood trauma, complex family dynamics, grief, loss, and understanding my own neurodiverse identity. These lived experiences allow me to connect authentically with clients, offering them a compassionate and empowering approach to their own struggles. My background enables me to provide a supportive environment for those who are navigating similar challenges in their relationships. Neurodiversity in My Family Life While raising my two wonderful children, my understanding of neurodiversity deepened. This understanding became even more personal when my husband was recently diagnosed with ADHD , further expanding my knowledge of neurodiverse relationships. These insights into both autism and ADHD have shaped my personal life and professional practice. They have also enhanced my ability to guide couples through their own neurodiverse relationships. Whether through parenting, marriage, or coaching, I’ve come to appreciate the complexities and gifts that neurodiversity brings to relationships. From Addiction to Recovery My struggle with addiction was deeply tied to feelings of overstimulation and stress, common traits among neurodiverse individuals. This experience led me to a place where I felt disconnected from myself and those I loved. The "gift of desperation" prompted me to seek help, and through years of recovery, including support from Alcoholics Anonymous and individual coaching, I found my way back to myself. Through this process, I realized that addiction doesn’t just impact the individual—it profoundly affects relationships . I believe that healthy relationships can be a foundation for healing, offering a supportive environment where both partners can grow and reconnect. My personal journey of recovery fuels my passion to help others experience this transformation in their lives and relationships. Couples and Neurodiversity 🧠 Neurodiverse traits—such as variations in communication styles, emotional processing, and sensory sensitivities—can deeply impact relationships. However, when these differences are understood and embraced , they can become a source of strength rather than tension. In my practice, I work collaboratively with couples to enhance communication, manage conflict, and embrace their unique differences. By creating a supportive environment for exploration and dialogue, I help couples build empathy and connection , ultimately leading to a more harmonious and fulfilling relationship. Navigating Neurodiversity and Addiction 💔 Neurodiverse individuals are more prone to addiction due to a variety of factors, including challenges with impulse control, emotional regulation, and difficulties with social interaction. Traits associated with neurodiversity, such as heightened stress responses and sensory overwhelm, can make certain individuals more vulnerable to seeking coping mechanisms through substances or compulsive behaviors like sex addiction. Unfortunately, these behaviors can create a cycle of isolation and emotional disconnection within relationships. In my coaching practice, I work with both sex addiction and substance use addiction, understanding that while they share similarities, they also present unique challenges. Both forms of addiction can create profound rifts in a relationship, leading to trust issues, secrecy, and emotional distance . However, they differ in how they manifest and impact the couple. Substance use often affects daily functioning and physical health, while sex addiction can result in deep feelings of betrayal and shame, particularly for the hurt partner. License: Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #153124 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, LGBTQIA+, Addiction, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Sex/Physical Intimacy, Emotional Intimacy, ADHD, Autism, Internal Family Systems, Attachment, AuDHD, Communication, Discernment, Highly Sensitive People (HSP), Trauma, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Not Accepting New Clients Malori Evans Take an Autism Test

< Back Nara Ahn Neurodiverse Couples Specialist | Associate Marriage and Family Therapist | Associate Professional Clinical Counselor At a Glance Over two decades of firsthand experience navigating a neurodiverse marriage Mother to two beautiful neurodivergent daughters, nurturing their differences and helping them thrive uniquely More than 10 years supporting neurodivergent students in schools, including autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other learning differences Bilingual in Korean and English — bridging cultures and neurotypes UCLA, Pepperdine, and Cal Baptist educated — three graduate degrees Raised in a low-income household, with deep understanding of what it feels like to go unseen Integrates faith and personal values into therapy when welcomed by clients Why I Do This Work I work with neurodiverse couples because I've lived the complexity of loving someone whose brain works differently than mine — for more than twenty years. I know what it feels like to reach for connection and miss. I know the exhaustion of adapting, explaining, trying harder — and still feeling like you're speaking different languages. I also know that the gap between partners isn't a sign of failure . It's a sign that two people are still reaching for each other, still hoping for something better. My work with neurodiverse couples is about bridging those gaps. Not by asking one partner to change their brain to fit the other, but by helping both of you understand how your nervous systems work, where you're actually talking past each other, and how to build a connection that honors both of your ways of being in the world. Growing Up Between Worlds I grew up in a low-income household as the daughter of Korean immigrants. My childhood was shaped by scarcity — not just material scarcity, but emotional scarcity. I learned early to read the room before speaking, to anticipate needs before being asked, to make myself useful enough to be safe. What I didn't learn until much later was that this had made me invisible. I was reliable, but unnoticed. Helpful, but unknown. The people who loved me often didn't truly see me — not because they didn't care, but because they were exhausted or overwhelmed themselves. That kind of loneliness teaches you something. It taught me exactly what it means to feel misunderstood and hungry for recognition from the people closest to you. That childhood wound became my clinical compass. When I sit with couples where one partner feels invisible or unheard, I don't have to imagine what that's like. I know it in my bones. UCLA, Pepperdine, and Cal Baptist — A Foundation Built on Curiosity Education has been a through line in my life. I earned my Bachelor's degree in English from UCLA, then went on to complete two Master's degrees at Pepperdine University — one in Education and one in Psychology. Most recently, I completed my Master of Science in Counseling Psychology at California Baptist University, with an emphasis in Marriage and Family Therapy and Professional Clinical Counseling. Each degree deepened my understanding of how people learn, connect, and heal. My education background gave me the language for how brains process differently. My psychology training gave me the clinical tools. And my counseling degree brought it all together — equipping me to sit with couples in the hardest moments of their relationships and help them find a way through. A Decade in the Classroom with Neurodivergent Students For over a decade, I worked as an educator supporting students with autism, ADHD, dyslexia, and other learning differences. These were not students struggling from a lack of intelligence or effort—they were navigating systems that were never designed for how their brains work. I assisted in drafting IEPs, developed differentiated instruction, and advocated fiercely for meaningful accommodations. I witnessed profound shifts when students were finally given permission to learn in ways that aligned with their needs. That work reshaped how I understand neurodiversity. I came to see it not as a deficit, but as natural variation. At the same time, I witnessed something more difficult: how often the world pathologizes difference. Regulation challenges were labeled as behavior problems. Parents carried unnecessary blame. Bright, capable children began to see themselves as broken—simply because they did not fit an expected mold. This experience now informs my work with couples in a powerful way. When I work with partners where one person is neurodivergent, I do not begin from a deficit framework. I begin with curiosity : What does this person’s brain need? How are they attempting to connect? What may be interpreted as rejection or neglect that is, in fact, a difference in processing? Two Beautifully Different Daughters Parenting has deepened my understanding of neurodiversity in ways nothing else could. I’m raising two daughters who could not be more different from each other—and watching them grow has been one of the greatest teachers of my life. My girls experience the world in ways that don’t always align with what others expect. My older daughter’s mind moves quickly, making connections that others might miss, while my younger daughter notices the world with an intensity that can feel overwhelming. She cares so fiercely about the people she loves that it sometimes overwhelms her. I’ve also witnessed the world misread them both in ways that unfairly affect their self-perception. Raising these two wildly different humans has taught me that there is no single “right” way to be wired. What supports one daughter can overwhelm the other; what soothes one can unsettle the other. As a couples therapist, this understanding translates directly: I recognize that what one partner needs for safety and connection may look completely different from what the other partner needs—and both are valid. More Than Two Decades in a Neurodiverse Marriage My understanding of neurodiverse relationships didn't come from a textbook. It came from more than twenty years of marriage to a neurodivergent partner. Early in that marriage, I thought I was failing. We had communication breakdowns I couldn't solve with clarity and effort alone. He had sensory needs I didn't understand. I had emotional needs he sometimes couldn't meet — not because he didn't care, but because regulation and social reciprocity worked differently in his brain. We found ourselves caught in that painful cycle: I'd reach, he'd withdraw. I'd interpret it as rejection. He'd feel pressured and overwhelmed. We'd both end up feeling unseen. Over those years, I had to unlearn what I thought I knew about partnership. I had to stop expecting my style of connection to land the way I intended. I had to learn his language. And I had to realize that my needs were real and valid even when they looked different from his capacity in a given moment. We had to build a different rhythm — one that honored both of us. That lived experience is the foundation of the work I bring to couples today . Not theory. Not clinical distance. But the real, messy, hard-won understanding of what it takes to stay connected to someone whose brain wires things differently. I know the grief of it. I know the beauty of it. I know what it takes. How I Work I take a strengths-based, neurodiversity-affirming approach grounded in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and nervous-system-centered practices , tailored to how neurodivergent brains actually communicate, regulate, and connect. We begin by translating—identifying where partners are talking past each other—then rebuild from a clear understanding of what each person truly needs. Who I Work With Neurodivergent-neurotypical couples navigating communication gaps and the search for connection Dual-neurodivergent couples (ADHD-autism, ADHD-ADHD, and other combinations) Partners stuck in pursuit-withdraw, collapse-escalate, or silence-pursuit cycles Parents of neurodivergent children navigating parenting stress, co-regulation, and advocacy Couples dealing with invisible labor imbalances, emotional overload, and chronic misattunement What to Expect in Session I communicate directly and literally while staying sensitive to your feelings. I help uncover unspoken or implied meanings fueling misunderstandings. Sessions are structured, collaborative, and goal-oriented. I accommodate neurodivergent needs including movement, fidgeting, reduced eye contact, written session summaries, and flexibility around sensory needs. I understand that what looks like resistance is often regulation — your nervous system protecting itself — and we work with that, not against it. You'll feel understood without being pathologized. License, Training, & More Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #160292 Associate Professional Clinical Counselor, APCC #21068 Master of Science in Counseling Psychology — California Baptist University (2025)Master of Arts in Psychology — Pepperdine University (2012) Master of Arts in Education - Pepperdine University (2004)Bachelor of Arts in English — UCLA (2003) Trained in Emotionally Focused Therapy, Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, Psychodynamic approaches, and trauma-informed, nervous-system-centered care. Experienced in telehealth. Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients, Neurodiverse Couples, Autism, ADHD, Multicultural Challenges, Communication, Emotional Intimacy, Life Transitions, Trauma, General Couples Coaching, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), ACT, Blended Families, Christian, Cassandra Syndrome, Divorce, Alexithymia, ASD/Allistic Couples, Attachment, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Discernment, Emotional Regulation, Family Conflict, Highly Sensitive People (HSP), Teens Nara Ahn Take an Autism Test