Jenny Pan, Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist | Neurodiverse Couples Specialist

My Personal Story

Caught Between Cultures

I am a first-generation Chinese American, born in Taiwan and raised in New York. I’m fluent in Mandarin Chinese and deeply connected to my cultural roots. But growing up, I often felt like I had to shapeshift to belong—blend in, stay quiet, and strive for perfection in everything I did. I carried the weight of being “too much” in some spaces and “not enough” in others.

Over time, I’ve come to embrace what makes me different. I wear my heritage with pride, speak my truth with courage, and hold my healing journey as a testament to resilience.

Early Struggles With Differences

I immigrated to the U.S. at age 9 and endured years of bullying due to emotional, physical, and learning differences.

Like many kids in the '80s, I went undiagnosed for ADHD—though I carried many of its traits.

A Neurodivergent Marriage - Unrecognized

Later in life, I married someone who was eventually diagnosed with autism—after our divorce. For 15 years, we struggled to connect, not realizing that we were a neurodivergent couple trying to operate in a neurotypical model of marriage.

Living Through Cassandra Syndrome

I now understand that I was experiencing something many partners of autistic individuals face: Cassandra Syndrome. I was confused, emotionally depleted, and constantly questioning my reality. At the time, I didn’t have a name for the chronic sense of loneliness and the emotional disconnection I felt. Today, I can look back and name it—and I want others to know they are not alone.

If this resonates with you, I recommend exploring Believing Cassandra, a powerful resource for partners of neurodivergent individuals.

Parenting in a Neurodiverse World

Today, I’m the mother of two amazing kids (now 14 and 12), including a daughter with ADHD. Our family continues to navigate the neurodiverse world—messy, beautiful, and real. At one point, I poured that journey into a poem, capturing the raw truth and hope that helped me move forward:

Brokenness is not the end, it’s the place where light gets in, where truth unfolds in tender threads, and new stories can begin...

This isn’t just poetry—it’s a path I’ve walked.

The Impact of Therapy on My Life

Therapy didn’t just help me—it changed everything. I often say my therapist was like a breath of fresh air to lungs that had forgotten how to breathe. Therapy gave me space to rediscover my voice, to grieve and heal, and to show up for my children in a way that felt grounded and whole.

Becoming a therapist was a leap of faith. I wanted to give others the same compassion and clarity I received when I was lost. It’s been one of the most fulfilling decisions of my life.

Helping Neurodiverse Couples Find Connection

Neurodiverse couples often come to therapy exhausted—not from a lack of love, but from the endless misunderstandings. I get it, not just professionally, but personally. I’ve lived the confusion of missed cues, clashing communication styles, and emotional disconnection.

These couples aren’t broken. They’re navigating two different operating systems, often without a manual.

My approach is rooted in this truth: neurodiverse relationships can thrive—when we stop trying to force sameness and start learning each other’s language.

I also work with individuals and couples in Mandarin (and Chinglish), offering a space that feels more natural and deeply connecting for clients with shared cultural backgrounds. I have experience supporting multicultural and mixed-background couples in navigating the complexities of identity, language, and communication.

I help couples:

• Understand their neurological differences without judgment

• De-escalate conflict and strengthen emotional regulation

• Build communication tools that actually work for both partners

• Create systems that support daily functioning, from parenting to housework

• Repair old wounds while building new habits of connection
  

Common dynamics I address include:

• One partner needing direct, literal communication while the other craves emotional nuance

• Shutdowns, meltdowns, or missed signals leading to hurt or confusion

• Different needs for routine, sensory input, or social interaction

• Emotional burnout from masking, rejection sensitivity, or late diagnosis

• Couples with mixed cultural backgrounds
  

Together, we untangle the pain, challenge the shame, and build something more authentic—something that works.

Life Inside a Neurodiverse Blended Family

I’m now remarried and living in a blended family that includes my two children and my husband’s adult children.

Every day, we’re learning how to honor each other’s histories, personalities, and neurotypes while building something new together.

Blended families aren’t easy—but they are rich with opportunities for grace and growth. Ours has been no exception. We’ve had to work through loyalty binds, competing schedules, co-parenting dynamics with exes, and very different ways of expressing emotion or asking for space.

What helps us stay connected is our commitment to intentional practices. We hold weekly check-ins as a couple—not just to address problems but to stay tuned in emotionally. We also attend monthly couples therapy, even during the calm seasons, because we believe in proactive care. It’s like tending a garden—you don’t wait until things are dying to water the soil.

Our family isn’t seamless. But it’s ours. It’s genuine, loving, and constantly growing. And that, to me, is beautiful.

Supporting Coparents and Blended Families in Neurodiverse Contexts

Blending families is never simple. When you add neurodivergence—whether in a parent or child—it introduces a whole other layer of complexity. From sensory needs to emotional regulation, from time blindness to executive functioning struggles, the everyday logistics of parenting can feel overwhelming.

I help parents and stepparents:

• Co-parent with empathy across households and neurotypes

• Build trust with stepchildren while respecting boundaries

• Manage uneven transitions between two homes

• Support neurodivergent children who feel misunderstood in blended environments

• Navigate parallel parenting, emotional dysregulation, and the grief of “family ideal” myths
  

This isn’t just theoretical for me—it’s lived. And I bring that experience to every session with compassion, clarity, and hope.

When Cultural Identity and Neurodivergence Collide

In some couples, one partner is navigating the world through a neurodivergent lens while also carrying the weight of cultural expectations, family loyalty, or identity struggles. That’s been my lived experience—and it’s a frequent reality in the clients I serve.

That is why I offer individuals and couples in Mandarin (and Chinglish) - to provide a space that feels more natural and deeply connecting for clients with similar cultural backgrounds. I am passionate about supporting multicultural and mixed-background couples in navigating the complexities of identity, language, and communication.

Some of the challenges I help couples face include:

• Cultural pressure to “save face” conflicting with the need to set emotional boundaries

• Differences in how love, care, or conflict are expressed across cultural or neurological lines

• A neurodivergent partner who struggles with social norms while their partner fears community judgment

• One partner taught to suppress emotional needs, the other wired for direct expression or sensory regulation
  

I help couples slow down, translate, and build shared meaning in a way that honors both their brains and their backgrounds. The goal isn’t assimilation—it’s authentic connection.

My Book

I’m proud to be a co-author of Asian American Chronicles: Tales of Mental Health & Hope, written with my professor and classmates. It’s a heartfelt, honest look at the intersection of cultural identity and emotional well-being. For anyone who’s felt caught between expectations and authenticity, I hope it brings comfort and connection.

Specialties

• Neurodiverse & Neurotypical Couples Counseling

• Complex PTSD

• Divorce, Parenting & Blended Family Work

• Betrayal & Affairs Recovery Work

• Multicultural Relationship Challenges

• LGBTQ+ Affirming and Relationship Support

Modalities

• Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT)

• Gottman Method (Level 1)

• Brainspotting (Phase 1)

• Traditional Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) & TEAM-CBT

• Trauma-Informed Therapy

• Existential Centered Therapy

• PREPARE/ENRICH assessment tool for premarital, marital or enrichment counseling

Education

• M.A. Marriage and Family Therapy, Western Seminary

• B.S. Finance & Accounting, New York University
  

License & Employment Information

• Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #155590

• Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452

• Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers