What is AuDHD? You’ve probably heard of autism . You’ve likely heard of ADHD . But what happens when you live with both—at the same time? That’s AuDHD , a combination of Autism and ADHD. It’s more common than most people realize, and it can feel like your brain is constantly flipping between two operating systems—each with its own needs, quirks, and frustrations. ➤ Maybe you love routine… but you can’t stick to one. ➤ Maybe your brain hyper-focuses for hours… but also forgets to eat lunch. ➤ Maybe one day you crave social interaction, and the next, you want to hide from the world. If this sounds familiar, you might be AuDHD—and you’re definitely not alone. Think you might be AuDHD? Let's chat now! How AuDHD Shows Up in Daily Life Living with both ADHD and autism can feel like a push-pull between competing needs. Here are a few ways this might look in real life: You crave structure (autistic trait) but struggle to follow routines (ADHD trait) You hyperfocus on creative ideas but forget deadlines or appointments You want to socialize like an ADHD brain… but the sensory overwhelm of autism kicks in You’re masking constantly—managing both autistic traits and ADHD impulsivity Want someone who actually gets this? Schedule a free consultation with a neurodiverse-affirming therapist. Is AuDHD a real term? AuDHD isn’t an official diagnosis in the DSM—but it’s a real experience for many people. It describes someone who meets criteria for both Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) . Both are neurodevelopmental conditions. Both can affect how you think, socialize, feel emotions, and process the world. And when they overlap, it creates a very specific experience that deserves tailored understanding. ADHD vs Autism: What’s the Difference? While there’s overlap, the core traits of autism and ADHD come from different places: Autism Traits ADHD Traits Difficulty with social communication Difficulty with attention/focus Repetitive behaviors & routines Impulsivity and hyperactivity Deep, specific interests Easily bored, jumps between ideas They can look similar on the outside—but the reason behind the behavior often differs. Examples: Trouble with friendships? ➤ Could be autistic social fatigue or ADHD impulsivity. Struggling to focus? ➤ Could be autistic deep-focus on a special interest or ADHD distractibility. Sensory issues? ➤ Both can have them—but the triggers and intensity vary. Need a clear answer? We offer evaluations that consider both autism and ADHD. How Common Is AuDHD? Research shows that: 30% to 80% of autistic individuals also show signs of ADHD 20% to 50% of those with ADHD may also have autistic traits Scientists believe both may share genetic and neurological roots—affecting brain areas tied to social connection, attention, and emotional regulation. Translation: You're not imagining it. You're not broken. You're wired differently—and that matters. Curious where you fall? Schedule a call with our Care Coordinator. Whole-Person Support for AuDHD Adults and Couples Living and loving with both autism and ADHD isn’t a “flaw” to be corrected—it’s a wiring difference that shapes everything from morning routines to midnight heart-to-hearts. We meet you (and, if you choose, your partner) right there, offering care that’s practical, trauma-informed, and relationship-centered. Important: We don’t believe in "fixing" you to be neurotypical. Therapy should help you function in the world—without losing who you are. ➤ Healing Old Hurts Many AuDHD adults carry scars from being misunderstood or pressured to “act normal.” We use gentle, body-based and talk-therapy methods to calm the nervous system, release stuck memories, and rebuild self-worth—without asking you to change who you are. ➤ Strengthening Your Connection AuDHD dynamics spark both creativity and friction. We guide couples to: read each other’s signals (hyper-focus vs. distraction, sensory highs & lows) blend comfort needs with closeness turn misfires into teamwork create rituals that protect connection—even on chaotic days Partners can also work one-on-one to polish their side of the dance. ➤ Social Skills Support Thriving at Work and Home Missed emails, forgotten laundry, buzzing ideas that never land—sound familiar? We blend practical planning, workplace advocacy, and gentle accountability so your brilliance shines without nonstop masking. ➤ Social Skills Support New Tools That Stick From emotion-regulation drills to values-based goal setting and mindful-movement breaks, we customize skills practice to fit your wiring—no alphabet-soup jargon required. ➤ Medication (When Appropriate) When focus boosters or calming supports might help, we team up with your prescriber to fine-tune a plan that respects your goals and your neurology. Note: We don’t prescribe, but we can coordinate with your provider. Looking for a treatment plan that actually fits? Let’s build it together. You Might Be AuDHD If… ( A mini self-checklist ) ➤ You love structure, but forget what day it is ➤ You hyper-fixate and procrastinate—sometimes at the same time ➤ You bounce between social butterfly and hermit mode ➤ You’ve spent years masking—and you're exhausted ➤ You’ve been told you're “too much” and also “not enough” Check off a few? That’s reason enough to reach out. Let’s talk. You Deserve to Be Understood If you’ve been misdiagnosed, misunderstood, or told to “just try harder,” you’re not alone. Living with AuDHD can feel overwhelming—but it’s also an opportunity to understand yourself in a deeper, more compassionate way. Get matched with a therapist who gets AuDHD. Start with a screener → Share Your Info → Free consult → Personalized support You’re not too much. You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re just wired differently—and you deserve care that honors that. Ready to Get Started? Click Here! Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

By Michelle Karth, PhD, Adult Autism Assessment Center Picture This: You're sitting next to your partner right after receiving some good news. Maybe you finally secured an impossible dinner reservation you've been hyper-fixating on, or an intricate project you’ve been working on for months just perfectly clicked into place. Internally, there are fireworks. You are experiencing pure, unadulterated joy. You’re sitting down, completely content, when out of the blue you hear, “ Are you alright? ” You’re startled by the comment. "Yeah, I'm great," you say. Because you are great. "Are you sure? You look upset." "I’m not upset. I'm thrilled." You know your partner means well, but now you’re...angry. You’re angry because you’re being accused of an emotion that you aren’t feeling, and now you have to perform emotional labor to prove you aren't upset. This mismatch between your internal state and your external display is one of the most common friction points for neurodivergent adults. Here’s another example that many neurodivergent people face: I was at a concert a few years ago when I was living in England, and I was ecstatic. I never thought I’d see this band live, but here I was, waiting in line. It was drizzling, and we slowly made our way to the doorway of the O2 Arena. Almost there, a security guard said to me, “ Oh, don’t look so sad, it’s a concert” . That completely took me by surprise because I couldn’t have been happier. This exchange didn’t ruin the concert for me, but I still remember the awkward way it made me feel. Here is the truth: Your face isn't broken. It’s functioning on a different operating system. The Science: It’s Not Malice, It’s Motor Planning In the neurodivergent community, we often call this "Flat Affect." Clinicians might call it "reduced facial expressivity." But let’s look at neuroscience, because it validates your experience in a validating way. Research shows that the production of facial expressions is a complex sensorimotor behavior. In autistic individuals, there’s often a disruption in the connectivity between the primary somatosensory cortex (S1) and the primary motor cortex (M1) specifically related to the face. This means the feedback loop that tells your brain "I’m smiling" or "I’m frowning" is quieter. So when I’m standing in an ecstatic concert crowd with a ‘frown’ on my face, or I don’t look excited after receiving a gift…it’s not that I’m unhappy, it’s just that my face is slow to catch up. Autistic people often show diminished muscle action in the upper face (the eyes and eyebrows) compared to neurotypical people. Since the eyes are where neurotypical people look to determine "genuine" emotion, your lack of movement there registers to them as coldness or anger. My dad once said to me when I was a kid, that he and I have a ‘problem’ because we always look so serious and angry. I understand now that, one, my dad may have been undiagnosed autistic, and two, why I look so serious to people all the time! This isn't about you or me lacking feelings. Studies contradict that mentality. They show that while observers struggle to identify happy or sad expressions in autistic people, they often rate our expressions of fear or anger as more intense than those of non-autistic people. This means we feel deeply. But the way our brains function to broadcast those feelings are wired differently. The Double Empathy Problem: A Clash of Channels The conflict you experience with people who question if you’re ‘alright’ involves a theory called the Double Empathy Problem . In the past, psychology has blamed us for "lacking empathy." So people have begun to believe this stereotype. However, the Double Empathy Problem flips this mentality. It argues that we don’t lack empathy. Instead, communication breakdowns occur because autistic and neurotypical people have distinct, valid, and different communication styles. Unfortunately, neurotypical people prioritize the Non-Verbal Channel. They read tone, facial expression, and body language to determine truth. So when we say "I'm fine" (and really mean it) but our face suggests otherwise, they trust the face. I think one of the moments this hits hardest is during gift-giving. It brings up so much anxiety for me. I never want the person who chose the gift to feel disappointed, or to think I’m ungrateful or unhappy. The fear of hurting their feelings can overshadow the moment entirely. Autistic people prioritize the Verbal Channel. We mean what we say. We weigh the literal data of the words more heavily than the performance of the face. My autistic sister will often complain, “why can’t people just say what they mean!?” And, I can’t help but agree. The Translation: You vs. The World When this mismatch in communication happens, it creates a feedback loop of defensiveness. To the Autistic Partner, it feels like: • Gaslighting: "I know how I feel. Why are you telling me I feel something else?" • Exhaustion: "I have to manually operate my face like a puppet just to be believed." • Confusion: "I answered the question honestly. Why are we fighting?" From personal experience, it’s exhausting having to pretend to be overly happy when you feel perfectly fine. To the Neurotypical Partner, it feels like: • Rejection: "Their face is blank/stone-cold. They must be bored with me or judging me." • Hostility: "I can feel tension (which might actually be your sensory overwhelm), but they’re denying it." • Dishonesty: "Their words don't match their face, so they must be lying." The Tools: Bridging the Gap As autistic people, we can’t rewire our motor cortex, nor should we want to. However, we can hack the communication dynamic to stop the fights before they spiral. 1: Believe the Verbal Channel This is a rule for the relationship. If you say, "I am not mad," the partner must accept that as data. The Double Empathy Problem teaches us that "empathy collapse" happens when the non-autistic partner stops trusting the verbal channel because the non-verbal channel isn't giving them the dopamine hit of reassurance they expect. 2: Name the "Resting Face" Explicitly label when your face is resting. "I’m just in power-saving mode." "My face is offline because I’m thinking." This reduces the ambiguity that causes your partner’s anxiety to spike. 3: Check for Alexithymia About 50% of autistic people have Alexithymia —difficulty identifying their own emotions. Sometimes, you are distressed, but you haven't processed it yet. If you aren't sure, try saying: "I don't have a label for my feeling yet. I need 10 minutes to scan my body." 4: The "Manual Mode Disclaimer" If you have to have a serious conversation, prep your partner: "I’m going to focus really hard on listening to your words, which means my face might go flat. Please don't read into it." Your neutral face is not a deficit . It’s often a sign of deep processing or necessary sensory regulation. You do not need to smile to be worthy of connection. You just need to be understood. If you are tired of being mistranslated, you aren't alone. Curious about where you land on the spectrum of traits? The Autism Spectrum Quotient Test (AQ) or the Ritvo Autism & Asperger Diagnostic Scale (RAADS-14) can be illuminating first steps. If this dynamic feels all too familiar, we are here to help. For neuro-informed couples or individual therapy, click here. For an assessment and/or diagnosis, click here. Michelle Karth, PhD Adult Autism Assessment Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Resources & Further Reading Bress, K. S., & Cascio, C. J. (2024). Sensorimotor regulation of facial expression—An untouched frontier. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews , 162, 105684. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12603653/ Brewer, R., Biotti, F., Catmur, C., Press, C., Happé, F. G. E., Cook, R., Bird, G. (2016). Can neurotypical individuals read autistic facial expressions? Atypical production of emotional facial expressions in autism spectrum disorders. Autism Research , 9(2), 262–271. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12332230/ Calderoli, E. A. T., Varriale, M. C., & Kapczinski, F. (2026). A Distinct Communication Strategies Model of the Double Empathy Problem. arXiv preprint arXiv:2602.02562 . https://arxiv.org/abs/2602.02562 Cheang, R. T., Skjevling, M., Blakemore, A. I., Kumari, V., & Puzzo, I. (2024). Do you feel me? Autism, empathic accuracy and the double empathy problem. Autism , 29(9), 2315–2327. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12332230/ Guha, T., Yang, Z., Grossman, R. B., & Narayanan, S. S. (2018). A computational study of expressive facial dynamics in children with autism. IEEE Transactions on Affective Computing , 9(1), 14–20. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6022860/ Hull, L., Mandy, W., Lai, M. C., Baron-Cohen, S., Allison, C., Smith, P., ... & Petrides, K. V. (2019). Development and validation of the camouflaging autistic traits questionnaire (CAT-Q). Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders , 49, 819-833. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12659362/ Kothare, H., Ramanarayanan, V., Neumann, M., Liscombe, J., Richter, V., Lampinen, L., ... & Demopoulos, C. (2024). Vocal and facial behavior during affect production in autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research , 68(2), 419-434. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/387226682_Vocal_and_Facial_Behavior_During_Affect_Production_in_Autism_Spectrum_Disorder Kothare, H., Roesler, O., Burke, W., Neumann, M., Liscombe, J., Exner, A., ... & Ramanarayanan, V. (2022). Speech, facial and fine motor features for conversation-based remote assessment and monitoring of Parkinson’s disease. 44th Annual International Conference of the IEEE Engineering in Medicine & Biology Society (EMBC) , 3464-3467. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12603653/ Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: The ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society , 27(6), 883–887. https://arxiv.org/abs/2602.02562 Northrup, J. B., Mazefsky, C. A., & Day, T. N. (2024). Valence and intensity of emotional expression in autistic and non-autistic toddlers. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders , 55(3), 832–842. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11297193/ Trevisan, D. A., Bowering, M., & Birmingham, E. (2016). Alexithymia, but not autism spectrum disorder, may be related to the production of emotional facial expressions. Molecular Autism , 7, 46. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5106821/ Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Harry Motro, PsyD, Clinical Director, LMFT Listen to the Summary below: Listen to a podcast-style audio summary of this research. It’s an excellent way to digest these new findings quickly. Beyond the "Spectrum": New Science Reveals 4 Distinct Types of Autism 15:54 ism Trait Wheel For decades, we’ve used the word "spectrum" to describe autism. We visualize a linear line stretching from "mild" to "severe," trying to find where we or our loved ones fit. But in my years working with neurodiverse couples, that model has often felt incomplete. It doesn’t quite capture the brilliant engineer who struggles to read his wife’s facial expressions, or the deeply empathetic partner who shuts down when overwhelmed by sensory noise. Now, groundbreaking research is finally catching up to what we see in the therapy room every day. A new study from Princeton University and the Flatiron Institute suggests that autism isn't just one thing—it’s actually four distinct biological types , each with its own genetic timeline. How This Research Was Done This discovery wasn't based on simple behavioral observations. It utilized sophisticated genetic analysis and advanced computational science (AI) that wasn't possible even a few years ago. By applying machine learning to analyze massive genetic datasets from the Simons Foundation, scientists were able to decompose complex data into clear patterns. This allowed them to see distinct biological "signatures" that the human eye—and traditional diagnostic tools—had previously missed. Our Client Base: The "Invisible" Majority What is most fascinating about this research is that the first two groups identified—comprising about 70% of the population —are the exact individuals we work with most frequently at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . These are the partners who often mask well, hold down successful careers, but struggle deeply with the relational and social demands of marriage. Here is the breakdown of the four (4) distinct phenotypes (types): 1. The "Social and/or Behavioral" Type Prevalence: ~37% (The largest group). Typical Diagnosis Age: Late (Age 6+ to Adulthood). Clinical Presentation: Individuals are often high-functioning and cognitively brilliant but struggle significantly with social demands. There is a high comorbidity with ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Biological Markers: Late-Activation Genes. Mutations are present at birth but often do not "activate" until later in childhood or adolescence. Suggested Clinical Focus: Mental health integration (treating anxiety/ADHD), executive function coaching, and support with relationship dynamics rather than basic developmental skills. 2. The "Moderate Challenges" Type Prevalence: ~33%. Typical Diagnosis Age: Variable (often missed in early screenings). Clinical Presentation: Displays the hallmark traits of neurodivergence—such as social communication differences and repetitive habits—but without the cognitive delays seen in other groups. Biological Markers: Subtle Genetic Architecture. Driven by "common variants" scattered throughout the DNA rather than single, high-impact mutations. Suggested Clinical Focus: Strength-based support focusing on self-advocacy, sensory regulation, and "translating" social nuances. 3. The "Mixed" Type Prevalence: ~19%. Typical Diagnosis Age: Early (Toddlerhood). Clinical Presentation: A complex presentation involving early developmental delays (speech or motor skills), yet often showing fewer emotional struggles like anxiety or aggression compared to the first group. Biological Markers: Variable Expression. Linked to a high rate of inherited rare variants, where genes are often active prenatally. Suggested Clinical Focus: Developmental support, with speech, occupational, and physical therapy often being the primary interventions. 4. The "Broadly Affected" Type Prevalence: ~10% (The smallest group). Typical Diagnosis Age: Very Early (Infancy/Toddler). Clinical Presentation: Severe challenges across all domains, including communication, social interaction, and daily living skills. Biological Markers: High-Impact Mutations. Often linked to "de novo" (spontaneous) mutations that occur for the first time in the child. Suggested Clinical Focus: Comprehensive care requiring high-level support needs, often involving complex medical and behavioral care planning. Visualizing the Complexity: The Autism Trait Wheel Because these "types" are not rigid boxes, we need better tools to visualize how they show up in real life. This is why we utilize the Autism Trait Wheel in our assessments. Rather than a straight line from "less autistic" to "more autistic," the Trait Wheel allows us to map a person's unique strengths and struggles across specific categories—like sensory processing, executive function, and social perception. It helps us see exactly where you fit within these new biological categories. Why This Matters for Your Relationship This research is profoundly validating because it offers a biological answer to the question many of our clients ask: "Why now?" Many partners we see are confused because they navigated childhood successfully—hitting milestones, performing well in school—only to hit a wall in adulthood when the complexities of marriage, parenting, or career dynamics increased. This study reveals that for the largest group of autistic individuals, the genes involved may not even activate until later in development. This means your current struggles aren't a sign of regression or failure; they are simply the result of a distinct biological timeline. Understanding this helps us move away from blame and toward our core goal: acting as a "Translator" to bridge the gap between neurological languages. You don't need to bridge this gap alone. Let’s work together to translate your neurological differences into a shared language that works for your marriage. [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References Cha, A. E. (2024). New science points to 4 distinct types of autism. The Washington Post . https://apple.news/AbM0W3IXWQc2fzc39hfMLzA Litman, A., Sauerwald, N., Snyder, L. G., Foss-Feig, J., Park, C. Y., Hao, Y., Dinstein, I., Theesfeld, C. L., & Troyanskaya, O. G. (2025). Decomposition of phenotypic heterogeneity in autism reveals underlying genetic programs. Nature Genetics . https://doi.org/10.1038/s41588-025-02224-z Matuskey, D., Yang, Y., Naganawa, M., ... & McPartland, J. C. (2024). 11C-UCB-J PET imaging is consistent with lower synaptic density in autistic adults. Molecular Psychiatry , 30, 1610–1616. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-024-02776-2 Zhang, X., et al. (2025). Polygenic and developmental profiles of autism differ by age at diagnosis. Nature . https://doi.org/10.1038/s41586-025-09542-6 Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

< Back Robin is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who has graduated with a Master's in Clinical Psychology from Notre Dame de Namur University in Belmont, CA. She has a background in behavioral health, education, transitional youth, addiction and recovery services, and suicide prevention. She has worked with couples who have adult children struggling with ASD, ADHD, addiction, depression, and anxiety . She has experience working in diverse cultures and backgrounds in outpatient clinics, large healthcare systems, and private practices. She believes everyone has a voice and deserves to feel safe, respected, and heard. Robin encourages her clients to connect by offering a safe, nurturing environment, enabling clients to feel supported and valued. Life experience With 30 years of marriage and parenting four children. Robin's personal experience has given her a unique perspective to help her clients explore, reconnect, and rediscover their "sparkle." She understands the challenges of working, parenting, and finding time for self-care while strengthening personal and professional relationships. Working with couples She works with couples, individuals, and family systems to develop improved communication, respect, and love. She helps couples and individuals through life transitions such as a new home, first child, loss of career, or loss of a loved one by exploring coping skills to reduce stressors and move towards healing. In addition, Robin works with couples to become more self-aware of their behavior and how it affects their loved ones. Robin's approach to therapy Robin's approach is humanistic and creates a safe and non-judgmental environment for her clients to communicate openly. She has worked with families and children by guiding her clients towards rewarding and harmonious connections. She specializes in working with couples and individuals who want to improve their relationships, reduce stress, and make realistic goals with solution-focused therapy, positive communication, self-awareness, and self-care. Robin uses evidence-based therapeutic approaches by helping her clients to focus on building solutions by providing emotional and psychological safety to foster positive motivation and change. NEURODIVERSE RELATIONSHIPS The Basics: Neurodiverse couples have one partner that is neurotypical and one partner who has a diagnosis of autism spectrum disorder (ASD) and/or Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD). Neurodiverse couples can have different communication styles and perspectives, making intimate and loving relationships a challenge. However, neurodiverse couples can grow together by finding meaningful connections, focusing on their preferences, and learning to understand each other better. Based on the goals of the Neurodiverse couple, Robin will help support stronger relationships and work on problem-solving skills. Couples will learn to focus on new ways to celebrate each other, reconnect, and interpret intention successfully. Through acceptance, education, and self-awareness, couples will practice relating to each other to create a more harmonious relationship. Common Symptoms: In adults, some common symptoms of ASD might look like: having difficulties interpreting facial expressions, interpreting body language, or understanding the social cues of others. Regulating emotions during conversations, reflecting emotions through vocal inflection, and engaging in repetitive behaviors might be challenging for someone with ASD. In addition, individuals with ASD may have specific and/or extreme interests and routines. The interests of individuals on the spectrum may seem obsessive, such as spending large amounts of time engaging in only certain activities under certain circumstances. Difference Turned into Strength: With these challenges, how can neurodiverse couples expand and enhance their relationship? Neurodiverse couples can use their different perspectives as strengths to shift away from conflict and understand each other’s thoughts and perspectives. Because everyone sees the world differently, a neurodiverse couple has a unique perspective. Each partner has a different way of thinking, different brain wiring, and experiences. While the neurodiverse couple may face challenges, having different ways of viewing situations and experiences can bring new and comprehensive perspectives. Neurodiverse couples can develop an awareness of their unique perspectives and accept their differences as a value rather than an annoyance . For example, each partner can see different ways of interacting or completing tasks. Working out tasks together can be an opportunity rather than a challenge for the neurodiverse couple to work together to become more tolerant of each other’s way of thinking. Having both shared and individual interests can encourage the neurodiverse couple’s autonomy and enhance the quality of life. Through acceptance and commitment, the neurodiverse couple can see each other through a new lens. Trust and Emotional Safety: Couples therapy can help the neurodiverse couple by finding how to deepen trust and understand how each partner views their experiences. By creating emotional safety and acceptance, couples therapy can help the neurodiverse couple to develop goals. Bringing importance to each partner and their intentions allows the neurodiverse couple to focus on their differences as a strength. Acceptance and commitment can help to increase feelings of compassion, connection, love, and happiness. Specialties Neurodiverse Counseling (ASD and ADHD) Couples and individual life transitions Discernment Counseling Pre-marital Counseling Depression and Anxiety Grief, loss, and shame Self-forgiveness Clients Couples, Elder Couples, Individuals Modalities Solution Focused Therapy (SFBT), Emotion-Focused Therapy (EFT), Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT), Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), Family System Therapy, Gestalt Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, Humanistic Approach License Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, LMFT #149872 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc. Specialty Areas: Assessment, ADHD, Discernment, Neurodiverse Couples, Autism, Addiction, Cassandra Syndrome, DBT, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients Robin Greenblat Take an Autism Test

Hyperfixation Where has your attention camped out lately? Does it feed you? Or drain you? Neurodivergent attention is powerful. It can deepen skill, meaning, and wellbeing when it’s intrinsically driven. It can also snag and exhaust you when it narrows too hard and won’t let go. Here’s the difference. What each term means: Monotropism = the wiring. It’s a tendency to allocate attention to a small number of streams at a time. Neutral by itself. It can fuel flow or create stuckness depending on context and supports. Special interest = healthy Monotropism. Long-term, intrinsically motivated, values-aligned. You can pause it when needed. It usually energizes and leads to creation, sharing, or skill building. Hyperfixation = hijacked Monotropism. Short-term or episodic, compulsion-driven, relief/certainty-seeking. Hard to stop even when it’s costing you. It usually dysregulates and pushes endless intake or looping. On the outside they can look identical. Inside they feel opposite. Special interests ground you and spark output. Hyperfixations push for going deeper while basic needs and relationships get sidelined. How special interests can help your relationship: They create shared rituals and admiration when the allistic partner engages with curiosity. They buffer stress, fuel competence, and can become “us” projects with gentle structure. How hyperfixation can harm your relationship: It amplifies missed bids for connection. It can crowd out sleep, chores, finances, intimacy, and co-parenting rhythms. Partners read the withdrawal as disinterest rather than dysregulation—and resentment spikes. A useful lens Monotropism explains why attention locks on. Sometimes it’s adaptive. Sometimes it’s overwhelming. Seeing the pattern reduces blame and guides supports that can protect the couple. Gentle steps for JUST YOU (shift yourself first) ✔️ Flag it yourself: “I’m getting pulled in—give me 5 minutes to land the plane,” then actually land the plane. ✔️ Name the state, not the story. “One sentence: I’m flooded and chasing certainty; I want to reconnect.” ✔️ Two-sentence bridge: “10-second headline of what I’m stuck on” → “I’m choosing us now.” ✔️ Micro-downshift: 60–90 seconds: breathe, stand, water, quick stretch—then turn to your partner. ✔️ Timebox + return: Set a 20–40 min focus block; return at the exact minute and say, “I’m back.” COUPLES experiments (protect connection while focus exists) ✔️ On-ramp script ND partner: “I feel the pull. Five minutes to land the plane, then I’m with you.” Partner: “Got it.” ✔️ Off-ramp script ND partner: “I’m back. Quick reconnect now or do you need five first?” Partner chooses. ✔️ 30–30–30 micro-loop 30s share (ND) → 30s reflect (non-ND) → 30s plan (one tiny step each). ✔️ Bid + boundary Non-ND: “I’m asking for 10 minutes now; if not, let’s book 7:30.” ND picks one. ✔️ Repair quickie If late: “I broke our agreement—sorry. New offer: 10 minutes now or 7:45?” Want a quick self-check? Take our short screener and learn about your attention style: Start the Monotropism Screener Want to go deeper on special interests? Watch our video on Monotropism here! None of this is magic.All of it is workable. Ready to work on this in therapy? [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Lea Choi Specialties · Neurodiverse Couples Counseling · ADHD & Autism Relationship Coaching · Emotional Regulation · Executive Functioning Support · Complex Parenting Challenges · Multicultural & Intercultural Relationships · LGBTQIA+, Poly & Kink-Affirming · Identity & Self-Exploration Life Experience Lived Experience as AuDHD and in a Neurodiverse Relationship – Navigated firsthand the challenges of differing communication styles, sensory needs, and emotional processing. Bridging the Gap Between Neurotypes – Learned how to shift from misinterpretation and frustration to mutual understanding and connection. From Isolation to Communication – Overcame years of feeling unseen by developing relationship strategies that work for both partners, not just one. Reframing Love & Connection – Discovered that love isn’t always verbal—it can be expressed through small, meaningful actions. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT # 151193 , Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Learn More about Lea! Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References Ashinoff, B. K., & Abu-Akel, A. (2021). Hyperfocus: The forgotten frontier of attention. Psychological Research, 85 (1), 1–19). https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s00426-019-01245-8 Barney, J. L., Ben-Porath, D. D., & Hayes, S. C. (2019). Assessing the valuing process in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy: A qualitative study. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 14 , 99–107. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S2212144718302266 Cleveland Clinic. (2024, September 30). Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT): What it is . https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/acceptance-and-commitment-therapy-act-therapy Grove, R., Hoekstra, R. A., Wierda, M., & Begeer, S. (2018). Special interests and subjective wellbeing in autistic adults. Autism Research, 11 (5), 766–775. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/aur.1931 Healthline. (2023, November 8). Special interest vs. hyperfixation: Differences and resources . https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/special-interest-vs-hyperfixation IFS Institute. (n.d.). The Internal Family Systems (IFS) model outline . https://ifs-institute.com/resources/articles/internal-family-systems-model-outline Murray, D., Lesser, M., & Lawson, W. (2005). Attention, monotropism and the diagnostic criteria for autism. Autism, 9 (2), 139–156. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/abs/10.1177/1362361305051398 Reilly, E. D., Ritzert, T. R., Scoglio, A. A. J., Mote, J., Fukuda, S. D., Ahern, M. E., & Kelly, M. M. (2019). A systematic review of values measures in Acceptance and Commitment Therapy research. Journal of Contextual Behavioral Science, 12 , 290–304. https://contextualscience.org/values_measures Russell, G., Kapp, S. K., Elliott, D., Elphick, C., Gwernan-Jones, R., & Owens, C. (2019). Mapping the autistic advantage from the accounts of adults diagnosed with autism: A qualitative study. Autism in Adulthood, 1 (2), 124–133. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6493410/ Simply Psychology. (2025, April 22). Autistic special interests vs ADHD hyperfixations . https://www.simplypsychology.org/autistic-special-interests-vs-adhd-hyperfixations.html Taubin, D. Z., Levant, B., & Zeides, D. (2024). Depressive symptoms and quality of life among women partnered with adults with ADHD. Journal of Attention Disorders . Advance online publication. https: //journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/10870547241280607 TIME. (2025, April 14). What a hyperfixation really is . https://time.com/7276835/hyperfixating-focus-autism-adhd-neurodivergent/ Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

🔑 The Key to Unlocking Meaningful Conversations in Your Neurodiverse Relationship Hi There, You know that moment when you ask your partner, “How was your day?” and you’re met with...silence? Or maybe a one-word answer? It feels like you're talking AT each other instead of WITH each other. This is a common challenge in neurodiverse relationships—especially when communication styles differ dramatically. The good news? There's a way to bridge the gap by understanding the difference between object-based and social-based conversations . Let’s unpack this and look at real strategies you can use right now to change the dynamic. 💬 What’s the Difference Between Social-Based and Object-Based Conversations? It’s all about how the conversation starts. Understanding the difference can make a huge impact in neurodiverse relationships. Social-Based Conversations are the typical, emotionally driven questions like, “How are you? ” or “ How was your day? ” They focus on emotions and relationships, and for many, they help build closeness. But for some neurodiverse people, these questions feel vague or overwhelming. Object-Based Conversations focus on ideas, facts, or events, like “What did you think of that article?” or “What was your favorite part of the movie?” These questions provide structure and take the pressure off emotionally-driven sharing, making it easier to engage. Why does it matter? For neurodivergent partners, especially those on the autism spectrum, social-based questions can feel too broad or demanding. The pressure to give an emotional answer can lead to shutdowns, withdrawal, or frustration. But with object-based conversations, the focus is external, providing a comfortable, structured way to connect. 🔑 Why It’s Crucial for Neurodiverse Couples Let’s face it—communication in any relationship can be tough, but neurodiverse couples face unique challenges. For example, a question like “How are you feeling?” might feel intrusive or confusing to your neurodiverse partner. However, a question like “What’s your take on that new book?” can spark a meaningful conversation. By recognizing these differences, you’re not just improving conversations—you’re laying the foundation for deeper connection and mutual understanding. 🛠️ What Can You Do About It? Now that you understand the difference between social-based and object-based conversations, let’s dive into real, actionable steps you can take today to improve communication in your relationship. 1. Recognize Communication Patterns 🔍 The first step is awareness. Take a moment to reflect on your recent conversations. Do you lean toward asking broad, emotionally-driven questions? Does your partner often give short or vague answers? Start paying attention to these patterns. Recognizing when conversations stall is the first step to figuring out why. Try this: Keep a mental note of which questions seem to flow easily and which ones create tension or disconnection. 2. Shift to Object-Based Questions 💡 If social-based questions seem to hit a wall, try switching to object-based questions. These focus on facts, ideas, or specific events instead of emotions, making the conversation more structured and easier to engage with. Let’s look at a few sample dialogues : Example 1: The “How Was Your Day?” Trap Social-Based Approach: You: “How was your day?” Partner: “Fine.” (Conversation fizzles.) Object-Based Approach: You: “You had a meeting with the new client today, right? How did that go?” Partner: “Yeah, it was interesting. They had a lot of questions about the project.” (The conversation opens up.) Example 2: Emotional Overload Social-Based Approach: You: “How are you feeling about everything lately?” Partner: “I don’t know… it’s a lot.” (Partner seems overwhelmed, conversation ends.) Object-Based Approach: You: “You’ve been working on that new project—how’s it coming along? Is it what you expected?” Partner: “It’s been challenging but I’m learning a lot. The new software is tough to get used to, though.” (Conversation naturally evolves without pressure.) Example 3: A Specific Movie Social-Based Approach: You: “Did you like the movie?” Partner: “It was okay.” (End of conversation.) Object-Based Approach: You: “That twist at the end of the movie was wild! What did you think of how they pulled it off? ” Partner: “Yeah, I wasn’t expecting that at all! It changed how I saw the whole plot.” (Engagement deepens.) 3. Keep BOTH Styles in Your Toolbox ⚖️ You don’t have to abandon social-based conversations altogether—just learn when and how to use them. The trick is to balance both styles to create opportunities for meaningful connection. If emotions are running high or your partner seems stressed, consider starting with an object-based question to get the conversation rolling before diving into emotional territory. Try this: Start by asking, “What did you think of that meeting?” instead of, “How did the meeting make you feel?” Once the conversation is flowing, your partner may naturally start to share more personal thoughts or feelings. 4. Let Conversations Evolve Naturally 🌱 Object-based conversations can act as stepping stones to deeper emotional sharing. By starting with a neutral topic, you create space for your partner to open up in their own time and comfort zone. For example, you might start with a question about their current project: “How’s the new software coming along at work?” Your partner might respond with a detailed answer, and eventually, they may begin sharing how they feel about their workload or stress levels. Allowing conversations to evolve organically rather than forcing emotional disclosure creates a safer, more relaxed environment for your partner. 5. Set Boundaries Around Emotional Conversations 🚦 Let’s face it—sometimes emotions are just too much. Both you and your partner might need boundaries around when and how emotional conversations take place. It’s perfectly fine to say, “I need a break from this topic, can we revisit it later?” This shows respect for both your emotional needs and your partner’s. Try this: When a social-based conversation feels overwhelming, pivot back to object-based questions or simply agree to pause the conversation and pick it up later. 🤝 How Our Neuro-Informed Specialists Can Help At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , we get it—communication is one of the trickiest parts of any relationship, especially when you add in neurodiversity. Our neuro-informed specialists are here to help you: Identify the communication blocks : We’ll work with you to understand why certain conversations lead to withdrawal or frustration. Build tailored conversation strategies : We teach you how to shift your conversation style to meet your partner where they’re most comfortable. Create emotional safety : Our therapists help you establish safe zones for emotional conversations while using object-based questions to build trust. Promote long-term communication success : We focus on helping you and your partner learn communication techniques that strengthen your bond over time. We’ll show you how to move from frustration to flow by harnessing the power of conversation strategies that work for your unique relationship. 🔍 Quick Tip: Ask Better Questions Want an easy way to start improving your conversations right now? Swap out broad, emotional questions with object-based ones: Instead of “How was your day? Try “Did anything interesting happen at work today?” Instead of “How are you feeling? Try “What’s been on your mind lately?” These small shifts can make a meaningful difference. ✨ Take the Next Step Feeling stuck in your conversations doesn’t mean your relationship is stuck. Let our specialists guide you toward a better way of connecting, starting today. Whether you’re navigating neurodiversity or simply looking to improve your communication skills, we’re here to help. Until next time, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Think You Might Be on the Autism Spectrum? The Autism Spectrum Quotient (AQ) can give you valuable insight about whether or not you meet the criteria for autism. Take the AQ Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Addiction & Neurodiversity: A Different Path to Healing Are you autistic or ADHD? And struggling with substance addiction? Does it feel like everyone trying to "help" is speaking a language you don’t understand? You’ve probably sat in the rooms. You’ve heard the lectures. You’ve been told to "surrender your defects" or "just sit with the feeling." But when you try to sit with the feeling, your skin crawls. It is easy to look at a failed stint in rehab and think, "This system is broken, so why bother?" It’s also easy to internalize the failure and think, "I'm just looking for excuses to bail." But there is a third option. The problem likely isn't your willingness, and it isn't necessarily that "recovery is broken." The problem is that you are trying to run a standard operating system on a computer that wasn't built for it. You don’t get to opt out of recovery, but you do need to opt into a method that speaks your brain’s language. If you are Autistic or ADHD, your path to sobriety needs to look different because your brain is different. We don’t just treat the addiction. We treat the sensory overload, the dopamine starvation, and the exhaustion of masking that drove you to the substance in the first place. The Reality: You Are Not Alone It is easy to feel like the "black sheep" when traditional rehab doesn’t work, but the data proves that neurodivergent people face a statistically higher risk of addiction—not because they are "bad," but because they are coping with a world not built for them. The ADHD Risk: Research shows that adults with ADHD are three times more likely to struggle with a substance use disorder than the general population.¹ The connection is so strong that nearly 25% of all adults seeking treatment for alcohol or substance abuse have undiagnosed ADHD.² [1] The Autistic Connection: While some studies show autistic adults drink less frequently, they are significantly more vulnerable when they do. Autistic adults are nearly nine times more likely than their neurotypical peers to use recreational drugs specifically to manage unwanted mental health symptoms.³ The "Why" Matters: For neurotypical people, addiction is often about seeking a "high." For neurodivergent people, it is almost always about seeking relief —from sensory pain, social anxiety, or a brain that won't turn off.⁴ Anecdotally, this feels low. It feels like half the people in the rooms have ADHD. But that's just the rooms I've been in. Why Traditional Treatment Often Fails Most rehabs and outpatient programs are designed for neurotypical brains. For the neurodivergent mind, these standard practices can inadvertently cause harm rather than healing: Group Therapy Overload: Being forced to make sustained eye contact and share deep trauma in a circle of strangers is often overwhelming. For many, this causes autistic shutdown or panic, rather than a therapeutic breakthrough. Abstract Concepts: Phrases like "turning it over" or "spiritual awakening" can be vague and frustrating for literal thinkers. Neurodivergent clients often need concrete, logical, and actionable tools—not metaphors.⁵ Executive Dysfunction: Demanding a client "just show up on time" or "keep a daily journal" without support ignores the reality of executive function challenges. Without scaffolding for time blindness or task paralysis, these demands just create more shame.⁵ The Neurodiverse Difference: Why It Happens We look deeper at the function the behavior serves, rather than just the behavior itself. 1. The Sensory Shield (Autism) For many Autistic people, alcohol or opioids function as a "chemical volume knob." They dampen the noise of fluorescent lights, scratchy clothes, and crowded rooms. You aren't seeking a party; you are seeking a moment of silence in a loud world. 2. The Dopamine Hunt (ADHD) The ADHD brain is chemically starved for dopamine. Stimulants or high-risk behaviors (gambling, gaming) temporarily fix this deficit. It’s not a lack of discipline; it’s a desperate attempt to feel "normal" and focused for the first time. 3. The Masking Trap Socializing is exhausting. Alcohol is often "liquid courage," suppressing social anxiety and making it easier to "mask" (mimic neurotypical social cues). The trap is believing you are only lovable when you are intoxicated. The Whole Picture: Integrating Biology & Life Experience We want to be clear: Neurodivergence is usually not the only reason for addiction. Trauma, grief, family history, and environmental stressors are powerful drivers of substance abuse for everyone, regardless of their neurology. We do not ignore these factors. In fact, they are often deeply intertwined with the experience of growing up neurodivergent in a world that didn't understand you. However, if we treat the trauma but ignore your biology, the foundation of recovery remains unstable. You can heal your past, but if your nervous system is still constantly overwhelmed or starved for dopamine, the urge to self-medicate will return. Can I still go to 12-Step Programs (AA/NA)? Absolutely. We are not "anti-12-step." In fact, for many Autistic and ADHD individuals, the community and structure of programs like AA can be lifesaving— if the right accommodations are in place. Recovery works best when you have two parallel tracks: 1. Community Support: Utilizing groups like AA/NA for fellowship, but finding a format that works for you. This might mean "sharing" through writing, finding smaller neuro-affirming groups, or realizing that you don't have to perform your trauma verbally to be "working the steps." 2. Brain-Based Treatment: Working with a specialist to manage the physiological drivers of addiction—sensory regulation, executive function support, and dopamine management—so that you aren't fighting your own biology to stay sober. Our Approach: Neuro-Informed Recovery We believe in adaptation, not deprivation . We don't just take the coping mechanism away; we build a life that is sustainable without it. Sensory-Safe Spaces: We welcome stimming and offer low-stimulation on-line environments. Concrete & Logical: We use Internal Family Systems (IFS) and CBT , mapping out your brain logically rather than relying on abstract spiritual concepts. Executive Scaffolding: We help you build sobriety systems that account for time blindness and task paralysis—using visual anchors and routine building, not just "willpower." Meet Our Neuro-Informed Addiction Specialists Recovery looks different when your therapist has walked the path. Malori Evans, AMFT & APCC AuDHD & Substance Use Specialist Malori is a powerhouse of insight. Identifying as AuDHD (Autistic + ADHD) and a queer woman in recovery from addiction, she knows the journey from the inside out. Malori formerly worked as a physician, giving her a deep biological understanding of how substances impact the body and brain. She specializes in helping clients who use substances to cope with sensory overwhelm and burnout . Her "Relationship Anarchy" and anti-hierarchical approach creates a safe space where you are the expert on your own experience. Jory Wilson, AMFT Neurodiverse Couples & Sex Addiction Specialist Jory brings a powerful, lived perspective to his work. As a therapist with ADHD who is in a neurodiverse marriage himself, Jory understands the unique shame spiral that comes with "feeling different." He specializes in Sex Addiction and Betrayal Recovery , helping couples navigate the wreckage of compulsive behaviors. Jory uses a compassionate, non-judgmental approach to help partners understand that "acting out" is often a maladaptive attempt to regulate an overwhelmed nervous system. He integrates spirituality and science to help you rebuild trust. Shea Davis, AMFT Trauma & Addiction Recovery Specialist Shea’s wisdom comes from the trenches. Years ago, she walked into a 12-step meeting broken by addiction, emotional depletion, and a lifetime of "pushing through." She knows firsthand that for neurodivergent people, addiction is often a survival strategy to manage a world that feels too loud and too demanding. Shea doesn't just teach recovery; she lives it. She helps clients move past the shame of their past and build a recovery that honors their unique wiring, teaching you how to self-soothe without the substance. Meet with our Client Care Coordinator References Bunford, N., Evans, S. W., & Wymbs, F. (2015). ADHD and substance use disorders: Developmental aspects and the impact of stimulant treatment. The American Journal on Addictions , 24(7), 569–577. Link to Article Kessler, R. C., Adler, L., Barkley, R., et al. (2006). The prevalence and correlates of adult ADHD in the United States: Results from the National Comorbidity Survey Replication. American Journal of Psychiatry , 163(4), 716–723. Link to Article Sizoo, B., van den Brink, W., Koeter, M., van der Gaag, R. J., & van der Feltz-Cornelis, C. M. (2010). Treatment seeking adults with autism or ADHD and co-morbid substance use disorder: Prevalence, risk factors and functional disability. Drug and Alcohol Dependence , 107(1), 44–50. Link to Article Weir, E., Allison, C., & Baron-Cohen, S. (2021). The association between autistic traits and substance use: A systematic review. The Lancet Psychiatry , 8(8), 673–683. Link to Article Wilens, T. E., & Morrison, N. R. (2011). The intersection of attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder and substance abuse. Current Opinion in Psychiatry , 24(4), 280–285. Link to Article Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

< Back Maring Higa, Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist | Neurodiverse Couples Specialist 💛 Lived Experience Shapes the Way I Work I know what it’s like to fight for connection—and to finally find it, in a way that feels real, earned, and deeply alive. Earlier in life, I was in a neurodiverse marriage that ended in divorce. It was a relationship filled with both love and difficulty, and navigating the differences in communication, processing, and emotional rhythms taught me more than any training ever could. That experience was humbling and powerful—it cracked me open to what it really means to bridge worlds. I carry forward the insight, empathy, and hard-won clarity I gained from that relationship with deep gratitude. It made me who I am today. Now, I’m over a decade into a new relationship with someone I truly consider my soulmate. But “soulmate” doesn’t mean easy. It means we’re committed to doing the work—especially the work of blending families, healing old wounds, and growing through inevitable friction. We still have our differences. We still stumble. But we keep showing up with curiosity, humility, and care. Having lived through both disconnection and deep repair, I bring a grounded, compassionate hope to couples who are struggling. I don’t offer quick fixes—I offer real tools for real relationships. 🧠 How I Work with Neurodiverse Couples I specialize in helping neurodiverse couples —whether autistic, ADHD, or both—untangle the confusing, painful cycles that often arise when two very different nervous systems and communication styles collide. I don’t see either partner as “the problem.” Instead, I help couples understand how their unique wiring, regulation needs, and processing styles impact the way they connect—or miss each other. Together, we: Slow things down so both people feel safe and heard Shift out of blame and into shared curiosity Build a relational language that works for both neurotypes Learn how to repair misattunements with compassion and intention Respect sensory needs and differences in emotional pacing My approach blends depth and structure. Some of the methods I draw from include: Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for co-regulation and secure attachment Imago Therapy for exploring how early wounds shape current conflict Internal Family Systems (IFS) to help each partner access compassion for their own inner world Gottman tools for practical support around communication, rituals, and conflict management Somatic and bioenergetic work to address what's held in the body, not just the mind Every couple is different—and in neurodiverse relationships, that difference is often wider and more profound than in neurotypical ones. That’s not a deficit—it’s just reality. With the right support, it can become a strength. 🌿 The Body Knows—Especially in Neurodiverse Relationships Before I became a therapist, I practiced acupuncture for 17 years. I’ve also trained in somatic healing and bioenergetic therapy, and I bring that deep respect for the body into my work with clients every day. Neurodiverse individuals—especially autistic folks—often live disconnected from their bodies. They may struggle with interoception (the ability to sense what's going on inside) or feel overloaded by sensory input, leading them to numb out or dissociate. Others may live in a state of chronic stress without even realizing it. In my work, I help clients tune back in—gently and safely. Whether through breath, movement, somatic tracking, or body awareness tools , we reconnect to the body not as a “fix,” but as a source of wisdom and regulation. This is especially important in relationships, where the body holds unspoken tension, patterns of shutdown, and the longings we can’t always verbalize. My training and experience include: Acupuncture and holistic bodywork Somatic therapy and bioenergetic release Support for postpartum health and hormonal transitions Women’s health and trauma recovery Personal experience as an athlete, injury survivor, and circus arts performer This embodied lens helps me work with clients whose nervous systems are exhausted, disconnected, or over-activated—especially in the context of neurodiverse relationships. 🌱 Parenting Neurodivergent Children I’m a mom of two amazing kids. My daughter is 9, and my son is 14 and autistic. Parenting a neurodivergent child has taught me more than any book or training ever could. I've come to understand the sensory challenges, the meltdowns, the brilliance, the beauty, and the fatigue. What’s more, I was diagnosed with ADHD later in life, which helped make sense of so many struggles I carried silently as a child—overwhelm, internal shame, and the constant feeling of falling short in a world that didn’t match how I was wired. This personal journey allows me to support other parents—especially those navigating diagnoses, school systems, and the emotional toll of loving a child who may not be understood by the world around them. I walk alongside you not as an expert from afar, but as someone in the trenches who deeply gets it. 👨👩👧👦 Co-Parenting After Separation I’ve lived the real-world challenges of co-parenting —trying to communicate with an ex while staying grounded in your values, protecting your kids' emotional safety, and managing the logistics of schedules, boundaries, and big feelings. Co-parenting can feel impossible at times, especially when there’s unresolved hurt or different parenting philosophies. I work with clients to develop r ealistic, compassionate strategies for communication, boundary-setting, and conflict de-escalation. My goal is to help you shift from power struggles to problem-solving, so your children get the best of both parents. 🏡 Blended Families: A New Blueprint Blending families isn't just about combining households—it’s about building a completely new system with its own rhythms, rituals, and rules. As someone who’s part of a blended family, I know the loyalty binds, the role confusion, and the emotional landmines that can appear unexpectedly. There’s grief for what was, hope for what could be, and lots of tension in the “in between.” I help blended families navigate common challenges like stepparent roles, co-parenting across households, discipline differences, and how to build connection when trust is still forming. Together, we create a new blueprint that honors everyone involved—including the kids. 🎨 And Just for Fun I’m endlessly curious and deeply creative. I love women’s soccer, making music, and getting lost in hands-on projects. I find beauty in the messiness of being human and believe that humor, creativity, and embodiment are essential parts of healing. Education & Clinical Training M.A. in Counseling Psychology (Marriage and Family Therapy) – National University M.S. in Oriental Medicine – Pacific College of Oriental Medicine Certified Bioenergetics Therapist – Southern California Institute of Bioenergetics (in progress) Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist #145908 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Trained in: Somatic Therapy & Nervous System Regulation Internal Family Systems (IFS) Trauma-Informed Couples Work Fertility, Pregnancy, and Postpartum Mental Health Women's Health & Holistic Medicine Acupuncture and Embodiment Practices Podcast Creator & Host: The Messy Middle (2016–2021) – Personal growth and emotional healing Body Talk (2024–Present) – Exploring somatic therapy, mind-body connection, and holistic wellness Specialty Areas: Autism, ADHD, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Blended Families, Somatic Therapies, IFS, Trauma, Neurodiverse Couples, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients, Attachment, AuDHD, Communication, Couples Retreats/Intensives, Discernment, Emotion Focused Therapy, Highly Sensitive People (HSP), Multicultural Challenges, Teens, General Couples Coaching, Family Conflict, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Integrative Spiritual Therapy, Cassandra Syndrome, Emotional Intimacy, Emotional Regulation, Life Transitions Maring Higa Take an Autism Test

Behind the Mask in Neurodiverse Relationships 🎭 Do you wear a mask? Let's be honest, these days we all wear masks. We put on a certain face for the world as we feel the tension of fitting in. For people on the autism spectrum, this tension gets cranked up to the max. Picture this: You're at a party – the music's pumping, laughter fills the air. Mary, who is neurotypical, moves with ease, her personality shining through. 💃 Meanwhile, John, who is autistic, navigates this social maze with a rehearsed grace, each smile and nod meticulously planned to camouflage his true self. 🥸 This effort, a profound act of 'masking', isn't just for tonight but is a constant presence, draining John's energy and straining the couple's connection. If left unchecked, this dynamic could threaten the very foundation of their relationship. What does it mean to mask oneself? 🤔 For many with autism, masking is a survival strategy . The goal is not merely to blend in but to avoid the friction of social judgment. This adaptive behavior, while protective in the moment, demands a significant emotional toll, reshaping one's self-expression to meet external expectations, often at great personal cost. 😪 Understanding masking is more complicated than it may appear at first glance. There are different ways to mask: Compensation: This is where one adopts behaviors deemed acceptable , molding their actions to fit a normative social mold. Suppression: Here, natural behaviors are stifled , hidden away to present what is perceived as 'normal.' Assimilation: In this act, one performs scripts that align with societal expectations , often feeling alien to one's nature. Do you recognize these behaviors in yourself? Or in your partner? 💵 The Profound Costs of Masking Now consider the emotional and psychological toll: the constant energy required to maintain this facade can lead to anxiety, depression, and even physical symptoms due to chronic stress. 🤒 Over time, this sustained effort can erode an individual's self-esteem and sense of identity, impacting both personal well-being and the vitality of their relationships. Moreover, misunderstandings that arise from masking can create emotional distance, leaving one partner feeling neglected and the other overwhelmed, complicating their ability to connect and communicate effectively. 💔 What to do? 📊 Measuring Masking with the CAT-Q Taking the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) is an essential first step for those aiming to explore the extent of autistic masking. CAT-Q Questionnaire Available at no charge on the Adult Autism Assessment website, this tool includes 25 questions and can be completed in 5 to 7 minutes. It assesses various dimensions of masking, breaking down masking strategies so you can gain a deeper understanding of these behaviors' emotional and relational impacts. 🗣️ Have the Right Masking Conversation Instead of focusing solely on the frustrations that arise from autistic masking, let's delve into what's truly happening beneath the surface. Moving away from blame, we can foster a supportive environment by openly discussing the underlying challenges of masking. 💬 Exploring insights from the CAT-Q results allows us to understand the pressures and strategies involved, helping to cultivate empathy and strengthen our connections in a more meaningful and supportive way. 🛠️ Tailoring Social Situations Adapting social settings to reduce the need for masking, whether by choosing less demanding activities or creating signals for needed breaks, can alleviate stress and enhance engagement. Get really specific. Be creative and experiment with new ways of approaching tough situations. This proactive approach allows both partners to feel more in control and less anxious about social interactions, leading to more enjoyable and meaningful experiences together. Couples who try this are amazed at the freedom and relief that they experience. 🏠 Creating a Supportive Home Environment How can we make our homes refuges where unmasking is not just safe but welcomed? By respecting personal space, allowing for stimming or other natural behaviors, and setting clear expectations, we build trust and reduce the daily stress for the autistic partner. A nurturing home environment acts as a foundation for growth and healing, where both partners can truly relax and be themselves, strengthening the bonds of love and understanding. Unveiling the Mask, Not Eliminating It 👫 The key to a healthy relationship in a neurodiverse partnership isn't about eradicating masking entirely. It's about fostering open communication and acknowledging the mask itself. Imagine the mask not as a barrier to intimacy, but as a layer waiting to be understood. Through honest conversations, you and your partner can explore the situations where masking feels necessary and discuss strategies for minimizing it. 🗣️ By discussing the results of tools like the CAT-Q , you can gain a deeper understanding of masking's impact and build empathy for each other's experiences. This awareness allows you to create a safe space at home where unmasking feels natural, fostering genuine connection and a stronger bond. Remember, masking can be a coping mechanism, but it shouldn't come at the expense of your true selves. Let's work together to unveil the masks, not eliminate them, and celebrate the beautiful authenticity beneath. Click Here To Match With An Expert All the best, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Assessment Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

By Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center c Does autism run in families If you’ve ever watched a “hot take” about autism and felt your stomach tighten—because none of it matches your real life —you’re not imagining things. Because here’s the real-world problem: People argue i dentity vs. disability like it’s a team sport, while you’re over here trying to get through your day without burning out, melting down, shutting down, or feeling like you’re failing at “basic” life. That’s why I’m starting with a short TikTok from Ashley Kang , our autism advocate at She Rocks The Spectrum (part of our family of websites). TikTok link: https://www.tiktok.com/@sherocksthespectrum/video/7610263393840172301 If you’ve ever heard people argue, “Autism isn’t a disability—it’s an identity.” Then someone else fires back, “No, it’s definitely a disability.” Without realizing it, a lot of the fight is people using the same word, “disability,” to mean completely different things. Some people hear disability and think: broken, defective, less-than . Other people mean: a real limitation in daily life that deserves support, accommodations, and legal protection. Those are not the same idea. And when we mash them together, we get a loud, exhausting debate that doesn’t actually help autistic people live better. Why this question matters in real life This isn’t just philosophy. The identity vs. disability question can shape: whether you feel shame or self-respect whether you ask for accommodations or try to “push through.” whether therapy becomes “make me normal” or “help me build a life that fits me.” whether you feel understood by partners, family, employers, and even clinicians So let’s clean this up and make it useful. The three big ways people think about disability 1) The medical model This view tends to locate the “problem” inside the person and focuses on fixing or reducing symptoms. Sometimes that’s helpful (especially when someone is suffering and wants concrete support). Sometimes it turns into, “You should be more normal,” which is where shame and masking explode. 2) The social model The social model says: people are often “disabled” by barriers in society—systems, expectations, environments—not just by what’s happening inside their bodies or brains. That rings true for autism in a lot of everyday situations: offices built for constant small talk and open-floor noise schools that punish movement, stimming, or different learning styles workplaces that reward “looking confident” over being clear and accurate The social model is powerful because it points the spotlight at the world: “Maybe the environment is the problem.” 3) The biopsychosocial model (the “both/and” model that actually works) This approach says functioning and disability come from an interaction between the person and the environment. The WHO’s ICF framework spells this out directly: disability and functioning happen in context, and environmental factors matter. In plain English: Sometimes the world is the problem. Sometimes your nervous system is having a hard day, no matter how kind the world is. Often it’s both. And you don’t have to pick a team. So… is autism an identity or a disability? For many people, it’s both. Autism as identity Identity is about meaning: “This is how my brain works.” “This is part of who I am.” “I’m not going to treat my existence like a defect.” That can be deeply stabilizing—especially for late-diagnosed adults who spent years thinking they were “too much,” “too sensitive,” “lazy,” or “bad at life.” Autism as disability Disability, in the practical sense, is about impact: sensory overload that wipes you out communication mismatches that cost relationships or jobs executive function differences that make daily life feel like pushing a boulder uphill And here’s the key: calling something a disability doesn’t have to mean “I hate myself.” It can mean, “This is real, it affects my life, and I deserve support.” Advocacy groups like ASAN explicitly hold this stance: autism is a developmental disability, and disability is a natural part of human diversity. A hard truth people skip: society isn’t the only source of pain Sometimes the pro-social model accidentally implies: “If society accommodated perfectly, autistic people wouldn’t struggle.” That’s not always true. Many autistic people deal with sensory pain , shutdowns, sleep problems, burnout, inertia, or anxiety even in supportive environments. The environment matters hugely—but it’s not magic. (This is one reason the ICF “interaction” model is more realistic.) Language: “autistic person” vs “person with autism” Here’s the simplest version: There is no single “correct” choice that everyone agrees on. Research consistently shows preferences differ by group and culture. In a U.S. sample of autism stakeholders, autistic adults largely preferred identity-first language (“autistic person”), while professionals leaned more person-first. In a large Dutch sample, most autistic adults and parents preferred person-first language (“person with autism”). More broadly, disability-language preference varies across conditions and demographics, which supports a client-centered “ask and mirror” approach. What to do with this: Use the language that feels right to you. And if you’re in therapy, you get to tell your therapist what you prefer. Disability isn’t just a label—it’s also an access category In the U.S., disability status can unlock protections and accommodations. The ADA’s plain-language definition includes: an impairment that substantially limits major life activities, a record/history of that impairment, or being regarded as having it. That means for some people, embracing “disability” isn’t negative—it’s self-advocacy. It can sound like: “I’m not failing. I need accommodations.” “I’m not weak. This is a protected access need.” “I’m not dramatic. This is a real nervous-system limit.” Masking: why this debate gets emotional fast Many autistic people have spent years masking—studying social rules, forcing eye contact, copying tone, suppressing stims, performing “fine.” Masking can help someone survive… and also quietly wreck them. A review on stigma and camouflaging describes how these pressures can shape mental health outcomes and identity experience for autistic people. So when someone says, “Autism isn’t a disability,” an autistic person who’s exhausted might hear: “Then why are you struggling? You shouldn’t need support.” And when someone says, “Autism is a disability,” another autistic person might hear: “You’re defective. Try harder to be normal.” Both reactions make sense if you’ve lived either version. Two common traps (and how to avoid them) Trap 1: Romanticizing autism This is when “identity” talk turns into: “It’s just a difference! Everything’s fine!” That can erase real pain, burnout, and support needs—especially for people with higher support needs or additional diagnoses. Better: pride + realism. You can honor strengths without pretending it’s easy. Trap 2: Pathologizing autism This is when “disability” talk becomes a deficit list. That can reinforce shame and pressure to conform. A neurodivergence-informed therapy stance explicitly pushes back on default normalization and centers well-being and fit rather than “make you normal.” Better: support without shame. Treat needs as needs, not moral failings. How to use a “both/and” stance in your life (practical) Here are a few questions that actually help: When do I feel proud to be autistic? (What parts feel like “me,” not a problem?) Where do I feel genuinely limited or drained? (Not “should,” not “lazy,” just real-world impact.) Which parts are environment mismatch? (Noise, pace, social expectations, transitions, unclear instructions.) Which parts feel intrinsic to my nervous system? (Sensory sensitivity, shutdown patterns, cognitive fatigue, inertia.) What supports would reduce suffering the most? (Accommodations, routines, communication changes, relationship agreements, workload changes.) What’s my language preference right now? (It can change over time. You’re allowed.) What we aim for in therapy Good therapy for autistic clients (and autistic/allistic couples) shouldn’t force you into a box. The goal isn’t “identity-only” or “disability-only.” The goal is: self-understanding without self-hate support without infantilizing skill-building without erasing your neurology A life that fits your brain more often than it fights it Get an Accommodation Letter Take the Sensory Profile Start the Self-Discovery Screener Harry Motro Clinical Director, Adult Autism Assessment Center, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Resources & Further Reading Oliver, M. (1990). The Individual and Social Models of Disability. World Health Organization. International Classification of Functioning, Disability and Health (ICF). Rivera, R. A., & Bennetto, L. (2023). Applications of identity-based theories to understand the impact of stigma and camouflaging on mental health outcomes for autistic people. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 14 , 1243657. Taboas, A., Doepke, K., & Zimmerman, C. (2023). Preferences for identity-first versus person-first language in a US sample of autism stakeholders. Autism, 27 (2), 565–570. Buijsman, R., Begeer, S., & Scheeren, A. M. (2023). ‘Autistic person’ or ‘person with autism’? Person-first language preference in Dutch adults with autism and parents. Autism, 27 (3), 788–795. Grech, L. B., Koller, D., & Olley, A. (2024). Person-first and identity-first disability language: Informing client centred care. Social Science & Medicine, 362 , 117444. Autistic Self Advocacy Network. What We Believe. U.S. Department of Justice. Introduction to the Americans with Disabilities Act. Chapman, R., & Botha, M. (2023). Neurodivergence-informed therapy. Developmental Medicine & Child Neurology, 65 (3), 310–317. Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

< Back Jen Terrell | Neurodiverse Couples Specialist At a Glance: My Journey & Experience Specialist in Neurodiverse Processing & Communication – Helps partners navigate differences in sensitivity, sensory load, and emotional expression, fostering connection across neurotypes. Trauma-Informed, Nervous-System-Centered – Prioritizes regulation before resolution so communication and repair can actually land. Autism, ADHD, and Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)–Informed Care – Helps clients understand their sensitivity, manage sensory and emotional overload, and develop regulation tools that make daily life and relationships more sustainable. 28 Years Married – Brings long-term partnership perspective to real-world issues like rupture, repair, routines, and seasons of closeness/distance. Mother of Four – Parent of four children (ages 13 to 17) with decades of lived experience; helps parents understand behavior through a sensory and regulation lens and build connection through practical routines and repair. Culturally & Biculturally Fluent (Korean/American) – Welcomes bicultural families, immigrants, and intergenerational dynamics; builds bridges without forcing assimilation. Betrayal & Trust Repair – Experienced in helping couples recover from relational injuries (ranging from major betrayals to quiet accumulations of hurt). Healing for Neurodiverse Couples Welcome! I believe that every neurodiverse couple needs a clear, repeatable way to stay connected without burning out. My approach is to translate different communication styles, reduce avoidable overload, and design a rhythm of togetherness and solitude that keeps both partners regulated enough to connect. Partners often speak different “native languages”—one may be more literal, direct, and energy‑limited; the other more inferential, fast‑paced, and socially tuned. We’ll get specific about time (how you start/stop, transition, and reunite), communication (how bids are sent and received), and environment (sensory factors that either drain or refuel), with an eye on roles, fairness, and repair. Here are core practices we’ll build together: Communication mapping & translation: turn missed bids into clear asks; bridge literal ↔ inferential styles; agree on scripts and hand signals for “I’m flooding” and “please be concrete.” Time design: set a predictable cadence of together/alone; use “parallel play” and low‑demand connection; build entry/exit rituals so reunions don’t derail. Sensory‑aware connection : plan dates and talks around noise/light/texture limits; negotiate eye‑contact and touch preferences; create a quiet‑connection menu. Executive‑function scaffolding: externalize plans with shared calendars/boards; define task hand‑offs; use time‑blindness tools and realistic transition buffers. Repair rituals: slow down escalations with step‑by‑step time‑outs; separate intent from impact; use brief apology/repair templates and scheduled do‑overs. Role clarity & fairness: make invisible labor visible; rebalance loads in weekly check‑ins; document “how we do it” for recurring friction points. Intimacy agreements: map bids for affection/sexuality; create a pressure‑free intimacy menu and consent signals so closeness feels safe, not demanding. Who I Work With If you’re seeking a relational, trauma-informed, nervous-system-centered approach—and you want practical steps that protect the dignity of both partners—you’re in the right place. Neurodiverse couples and individuals who want to better understand their brains and strengthen their connection. Partners caught in protest–withdraw, collapse–escalate, or silence–pursuit cycles Highly sensitive clients who feel overwhelmed or chronically misunderstood Couples facing communication breakdowns and trust ruptures Families navigating bicultural, immigrant, and intergenerational dynamics If you want a relational, trauma‑informed, nervous‑system‑centered approach—with practical steps that protect the dignity of both partners—I’d be honored to work with you. Personal Story Between Worlds (Bicultural Roots) I’m the first‑generation daughter of a Korean immigrant mother and an American father. From the start, I translated more than words—decoding emotion, catching the rules no one said out loud, and learning how to belong in two cultures that didn’t always speak to each other. Fluent in the Unsaid (Alexithymic Parent) In our home, the loudest things were often unspoken. My dad—late‑identified with alexithymia—showed love in steady, practical ways, but emotional words rarely appeared. I became fluent in tone, timing, and tension. In sessions, that means I track micro‑shifts in breath, eyes, and posture so people feel understood even before the words come. I help partners name what they’re experiencing without shame or minimization, so truth lands without doing more harm. Highly Sensitive, Not Fragile (HSP) As a kid, I over‑functioned—anticipating needs, smoothing conflict, and carrying more than I could hold. Adulthood asked me to refine that sensitivity into a strength. Today I honor bandwidth, set clear boundaries, and use sensitivity as a precise instrument for connection. In practice, we pace the work to what your nervous systems can actually tolerate and design environments—sensory, time, and tasks—that support connection rather than sabotage it. (If HSP is new—or you’d like a quick read and a brief screener— here’s a short guide . Twenty‑Eight Years Married I’ve been married for 28 years. Long‑term love isn’t a straight line; it moves through seasons. I’ve lived chapters of deep connection and chapters that required grit, mercy, humor, and repair. That history shapes my lens. I respect the real cycle of closeness, distance, rupture, and repair. I focus on daily design—routines, roles, and transitions—that make safety repeatable. My hope is honest, not naïve: change is possible when it’s practiced, not just promised. And I carry a bias toward repair in real time rather than perfection in theory. Steady When Sessions Feel Intense Couples therapy can feel pressure‑filled—voices tighten, bodies brace, and it can seem like everything is on the line. This is a space where I feel at home. Years of leading through real‑world crises taught me how to stay calm, keep dignity intact, and guide two good people back to each other when the moment feels impossible. In the room, I slow reactivity so thinking can return, I name the pattern that’s hijacking the conversation, and I help you find the next caring step you can actually do. From Othering to Belonging Growing up in a Northern California suburb, I often felt like an outsider—present but out of sync. That experience sharpened my empathy for anyone who feels “too much,” “too little,” or simply “different.” In couples work, that becomes bridge‑building: not assimilation to one partner’s style, but a third way where both people are understood and supported. Why This Matters in Therapy This background means I translate across neurotypes and cultures so messages land as intended. I privilege nervous‑system reality over willpower so change is sustainable. And I protect the dignity of both partners while we practice new moves in the room. What to Expect in Session Clients describe my style as warm, steady, and clear. I am direct without shaming and structured without being rigid. We will name what is actually happening between you, not just what you wish were happening. We will practice in the room so you don’t have to build new habits alone at home. We will keep an eye on sensory load, processing speed, and executive‑function bandwidth so that plans are doable, not performative. And when repairs are needed, we will do them well—at a pace your bodies can tolerate—so trust has a chance to grow again. Neurodiversity & Identity I’m proud to be neurodiverse. I’m unequivocally a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), and—when you look through the lens of how autism often presents in women—my profile includes strong autistic traits alongside very high camouflaging. That matches my lived experience: I feel deeply, notice quickly, and learned early to “blend in” to keep connection. I also experience meaningful sensory differences, so I pay close attention to sound, light, and tactile load—for myself and for my clients. Because I’m wired this way, I intuitively understand the push–pull dynamics many neurodiverse couples face, and I know how to translate, pace, and design safety so both partners can actually meet. Parenting Across Neurotypes I love being a mom of four precious children—ages 27 to 13. Parenting four different humans taught me more about neurodiversity than any textbook. Each child brought a distinct nervous system, sensory profile, and way of connecting. Strategies that soothed one could overwhelm another. I learned—sometimes the hard way—that what looks like “defiance” or “avoidance” is often a nervous system protecting itself from overload. I also learned that the same moment can require very different responses: one child needed quiet and deep pressure to come back online; another needed movement and a time‑boxed plan; a third needed humor and a snack before words; a fourth needed space and a predictable check‑in. That lived education is the backbone of my work with parents. In my work with parents, I translate behavior through a regulation and sensory lens, build routines that actually fit a family’s bandwidth, and protect connection while setting clear, sustainable boundaries. Structure and tenderness are not opposites; they’re partners. Decode: meltdown vs. shutdown; sensory overload vs. “oppositional”; lagging skills vs. willful refusal. Design: mornings, transitions, homework flow, screen‑time limits, and recovery plans after overwhelm. Co‑regulate: simple scripts, breath/grounding cues, sensory kits, and repair rituals after conflict. Boundaries: a few clear rules, visual cues, choices inside limits, and plans for high‑stress moments. Special Focus: Betrayal Healing Betrayal shows up in every relationship in one form or another—sometimes large and obvious, sometimes quiet and cumulative. However it appears, it wounds safety and reshapes the story two people tell about each other. My focus is to slow reactivity, put clear words to the harm, and build a steady, compassionate repair process that honors truth, restores safety, and rebuilds trust over time. This work is careful and paced to what bodies can tolerate; it’s not performative, and it’s not rushed. Training & Approaches My work is grounded in relational neuroscience—the brain is social and changes through co‑regulation. Insight matters, but change sticks through repeated, attuned moments of safety. I integrate: Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy (PACT) — reference: PACT Institute Internal Family Systems (parts work) — reference: IFS Institute Polyvagal‑informed regulation work — reference: Polyvagal Institute Somatic tracking and attunement — reference: Sensorimotor Psychotherapy Institute Attachment science for couples (EFT) — reference: ICEEFT Trauma‑informed principles — reference: SAMHSA Research‑based communication and repair tools — reference: The Gottman Institute License &Employment Information Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #155583 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Highly Sensitive People (HSP), Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Communication, Multicultural Challenges, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients, ADHD, Blended Families, Cassandra Syndrome, Life Transitions, Teens, Trauma Jen Terrell Take an Autism Test

OCD vs Autism autism friendly stress relief Overload is real, not rude. Your mind and body are off-line. More words won’t regulate; breath will. Use breath as first aid. Start solo. Do it together when you're ready. It’s quick, concrete, and science-backed. Here’s exactly how. First, name it with a cue you both agree on. Try: "breath break," “red light,” “reset,” “time-in,” “quiet minute,” “buffer,” or “storm pause.” The cue means to stop talking, and start the breath exercise. Pick one of two ways to breathe: Option A — Physiological Sigh for fast relief. Two short inhales through the nose, then one long, unhurried exhale through the mouth. Repeat for 1–3 minutes. Research: Daily cyclic sighing has better results than mindfulness for improving mood in a randomized trial. Option B — Resonance Breathing for deeper regulation. 4 seconds in, 6 seconds out Repeat for 2–5 minutes. Research: This pace reliably boosts vagal activity and steadies the system. If breathing together feels hard, you’re not failing—you’re flooded. Say, “I need two minutes to breathe on my own,” to settle your system. Then decide if you can come back together. Remember that co-regulation is a skill you can work on in therapy.Solo regulation is a valid step on the way there. Make it autism-friendly. Keep it simple. Minimize noise and distraction. Tailor the environment so it's sensory-safe. Use a visual pacer (see the example below). When and if you’re ready, do it side-by-side. Hand-in-hand or shoulder-to-shoulder, and match pace. Gentle partner touch increases respiratory and heart-rate coupling under stress. Do your breath work before tough talks.And after, especially if you feel revved up. Do it nightly to lower your baseline. Two minutes of breath work every day can save hours of spiraling later.Need help working on this with your partner? [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Note 1: For a short video explaining the “Physiological Sigh”: https://youtu.be/rBdhqBGqiMc?si=MohtB6FddBw3C8rS&t=7 Note 2: For visual guides to breathing: https://duffthepsych.com/anxietygif/ https://healthymonday.com/stress-management/6-gifs-to-help-you-relax © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Shea Davis Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Cassandra Syndrome Support Communication Addiction, Trauma, Betrayal Recovery Blended Families Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Emotionally Focused Therapy Internal Family Systems Life Experience Lived 24 Years in a Neurodiverse Marriage. I know the highs and heartbreaks of a relationship where love is real—but miscommunication is constant. That lived experience grounds the way I support couples navigating similar dynamics. Parented a Brilliant, Struggling Neurodivergent Son. As a mom and advocate, I learned to interpret, adapt, and create safety for a child the world didn’t always understand. That shaped my deep respect for nervous system differences and co-regulation. Rebuilt After Addiction, Trauma & Betrayal. I’ve walked through collapse and come out the other side—with hard-earned insight into recovery, boundaries, and how to rebuild relationships rooted in mutual safety. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT # 154799, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Shea! Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

As a therapist deeply immersed in the intricate dynamics of neurodiverse relationships, I've often found myself in the middle of the age-old debate: What holds more value, facts or feelings? 🤔 Picture this: one partner, with a furrowed brow, insists, "The facts clearly show I'm right! You are completely overreacting! You shouldn't feel that way." 😠 While the other, with a sigh of frustration, counters, " But you're missing how all this makes me feel, which is just as important." 😞 This isn't just an argument; it's a vivid illustration of two fundamentally different ways of experiencing the world, each with its own language, trying desperately to be heard and understood. 🗣️ The Deep Roots of Emotions 🌱 A deeper dive into the nature of feelings reveals that they are often rooted in past experiences rather than the present moment. This is particularly true for individuals who have endured trauma. For them, current events can act as triggers, invoking disproportionate emotional responses that seem incongruent with the actual situation. It's akin to a geological fault line; when the present bumps against this line, it causes tremors that reverberate through our being, manifesting as intense emotions. Understanding an Outsized Reaction 😲😡😥😖 This understanding of emotions sheds light on why we might react strongly to certain situations that, to our partner, might seem minor. It's NOT the present circumstance that's solely responsible for our feelings; instead, it's our past experiences casting long shadows over our current perceptions. This shift from present to past can lead us to erroneously believe that, if only our partner would change, our emotional turmoil would subside. However, the key to mitigating these disproportionate reactions lies in having compassion for the underlying trauma, thereby recalibrating our emotional responses to better match the realities of the present. The Autistic Mistake: Dismissing Emotions ❌🧠 Unfortunately, autistic partners often make the mistake of arguing facts over feelings. The wiser path is acknowledging the reality and significance of feelings, while setting facts aside for the moment. Emotions are indicators, messengers that convey important insights about our inner world and our relationships. The Allistic Mistake: Equating Emotions to Truth ❌🔮 On the other hand, the mistake that an allistic partner makes is to elevate these feelings to the status of incontrovertible truths , allowing them to unjustifiably indict others or dictate our actions. This misstep can lead us down a path of misunderstanding and conflict, both with ourselves and others. Take a Pause: From Primal to Thoughtful Response ⏸️💡 One of the most effective strategies for navigating emotional triggers is the practice of pausing before reacting. This pause, a moment of intentional breath and reflection, allows us to move from a primal, reactive state to one of thoughtful response. It signals to our body that we are safe, enabling us to engage the more rational parts of our brain. Learning to pause and respond rather than react can result in a monumental shift for a couple. Feelings are Essential, Not Truth 💖 Feeling our feelings is essential. Resisting or denying them as an individual or a couple only amplifies their intensity and can lead to greater internal turmoil. Feelings are transient energies, constantly in flux. By allowing them to flow through us, they lose their power to overwhelm. Yet, remembering this truth can be challenging in moments of acute emotional distress. Ultimately, honoring our feelings while also recognizing that they are not infallible truths is a delicate balance to achieve. Feelings provide valuable insights into our emotional landscape, but they must be interpreted with caution and context, particularly when they stem from past traumas. Neurodiverse Couples Counseling 🤝 For neurodiverse couples grappling with facts and feelings, the support of a neurodiverse couples specialist can be an invaluable step towards healing and equilibrium. In doing so, we learn not only to honor our feelings but also to ensure they serve us in constructive ways, guiding us toward healthier, more informed choices in our lives. Click Here To Match With An Expert With heartfelt guidance and support, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Twice Exceptional Children UNDERSTANDING THE MISUNDERSTOOD: SUPPORTING TWICE EXCEPTIONAL CHILDREN At our neurodiverse therapy center, we know how deeply our couples care about their twice exceptional (2e) children. These kids possess both exceptional abilities and learning differences, often leading to misunderstandings and mislabeling within society. As it is our desire to support the whole family, we want to help the children too. Thus, some of our team members have specialized in caring for twice exceptional children. These therapists work hard to comprehend the unique challenges faced by 2e children and to provide effective support they need to empower them to thrive. On this page , we explore various aspects of twice exceptionality, shedding light on emotional intensity, executive functioning concerns, and the intersection of giftedness with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD), anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), depression, and specific learning disabilities. Additionally, we discuss the importance of advocating for appropriate educational placements and acceleration for these exceptional children. EMOTIONAL INTENSITY & EMOTIONAL REGULATION: UNLEASHING THE POWER OF EMOTIONS Twice exceptional children often experience emotional intensity, characterized by heightened sensitivity and depth of emotions. However, this emotional intensity can sometimes lead to challenges in emotional regulation. Our therapists provide a safe and supportive environment where 2e children can explore and express their emotions. Through evidence-based interventions, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness techniques, we assist them in developing effective emotional regulation strategies. By nurturing their emotional well-being, we empower 2e children to harness the power of their emotions and thrive. EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING CONCERNS: UNLEASHING POTENTIAL THROUGH SKILL DEVELOPMENT Executive functioning refers to a set of cognitive skills that enable individuals to plan, organize, focus, regulate behavior, and manage time effectively. Many twice exceptional children face difficulties in this area, impacting their academic performance and daily functioning. Our therapists conduct comprehensive assessments to understand the specific executive functioning challenges faced by each child. With this knowledge, they design personalized interventions that address organization, time management, task initiation, and problem-solving skills. By cultivating these executive functioning abilities, we equip 2e children with the tools necessary to unlock their full potential. NAVIGATING DUAL EXCEPTIONALITIES GIFTED & AUTISM/ASPBERGER'S (ASD) The co-occurrence of giftedness and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) presents unique challenges and opportunities. Our therapists specialize in understanding the intersection of these dual exceptionalities. They provide individualized support that acknowledges the strengths of gifted 2e children with ASD, such as their focused interests and attention to detail, while addressing the social and communication difficulties they may encounter. Through social skills training, sensory integration techniques, and personalized educational strategies, our therapists empower 2e children with ASD to navigate their world with confidence and resilience. GIFTED & ADHD/ADD The combination of giftedness and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD) brings forth unique strengths and challenges. Our therapists employ a multi-faceted approach to support 2e children in balancing their hyperfocus and challenges with attention regulation. Through tailored interventions, including behavioral strategies, self-monitoring techniques, and adaptive learning environments, we help these children channel their intense focus while managing impulsivity and improving organizational skills. By understanding their individual needs, we empower 2e children with ADHD/ADD to thrive academically and personally. GIFTED & ANXIETY/OCD The combination of giftedness and anxiety, including obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), presents unique challenges that require a holistic approach to intervention. Our therapists provide a supportive and compassionate environment where 2e children with anxiety and OCD can explore their thoughts and fears. Through evidence-based therapies, such as exposure and response prevention (ERP) and cognitive restructuring, we assist them in developing coping mechanisms to manage their anxiety and reduce OCD-related behaviors. Additionally, our therapists work collaboratively with families and educators to create a nurturing and accommodating environment that supports the emotional well-being of these children while fostering their academic and personal growth. GIFTED & DEPRESSION Gifted 2e children may be susceptible to experiencing depression due to a combination of their intense emotions, perfectionistic tendencies, and the challenges they face in navigating their exceptionalities. Our therapists offer a safe space for these children to express their emotions and explore the underlying causes of their depressive symptoms. Through a range of therapeutic techniques, including cognitive restructuring, supportive counseling, and creative expression, we empower them to develop resilience, self-compassion, and effective coping strategies. Our goal is to help these children build a strong foundation of emotional well-being and thrive in all aspects of their lives. GIFTED & LEARNING DISABILITIES (DYSLEXIA, DYSCALCULIA, DYSGRAPHIA) Twice exceptional children often face specific learning disabilities, such as dyslexia, dyscalculia, or dysgraphia, alongside their giftedness. Our therapists understand the unique learning profiles of these children and employ individualized approaches to support their academic growth. Through targeted interventions, such as multi-sensory learning techniques, assistive technologies, and specialized instructional strategies, we help 2e children overcome their learning challenges while fostering their exceptional abilities. By nurturing their strengths and providing the necessary accommodations, we enable them to reach their full potential academically and develop a positive self-identity as learners. ENSURING AN OPTIMAL EDUCATION: ADVOCATING FOR TWICE EXCEPTIONAL CHILDREN Advocating for appropriate educational placement and support is crucial for 2e children to thrive academically and socially. Our therapists work closely with families, educators, and school administrators to advocate for individualized education plans (IEPs), gifted programs, acceleration, and other necessary accommodations. By providing comprehensive assessments, educational consultation, and ongoing collaboration, we ensure that the educational environment is conducive to the unique needs and abilities of 2e children. Our goal is to create a supportive and nurturing educational experience that fosters their growth, maximizes their potential, and celebrates their neurodiversity. Further Help Looking for more information? At our sister site, Parenting Autism Therapy Center , we are dedicated to helping parents of neurodiverse children gain the proper insight, and knowledge, to help their children and family thrive. Click the link below to be directed to that site. Visit our Parenting Site FINAL WORDS At our neurodiverse therapy center, we recognize and embrace the unique strengths and challenges faced by twice exceptional children. Our therapists provide specialized support that addresses emotional intensity, executive functioning concerns, and the intersection of giftedness with various exceptionalities. Through evidence-based interventions, personalized approaches, and collaboration with families and educators, we empower these exceptional children to overcome obstacles, develop resilience, and unlock their full potential. By embracing neurodiversity and nurturing the unique talents and abilities of 2e children, we create a world where they can thrive and make meaningful contributions. Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel