When I counsel neurodiverse couples, it's pretty common to hear the allistic partner wonder out loud: "At the start of our relationship, I think my partner hid who he really was. I feel lied to." Ah, the exhilarating beginning of a relationship, where everything feels like a page taken out of a fairy tale. For our neurodiverse lovebirds, this time can be especially magical... and complex. 🎭 The Alluring Beginning: A Special Interest Affair Imagine being the center of someone's world, their "special interest". That's how many allistic partners feel when dating an autistic person. This intense focus can feel like the ultimate romantic dream. But here's the rub: during the dating phase, interactions are often limited, allowing the autistic partner to mask or adjust their behaviors more easily. It's like being a guest star in the most captivating play of your life. 🎭💘 The Masking Masquerade and the Distance Dance Not living together means you're not facing the day-to-day challenges that come with neurodiversity in a shared space. The allistic partner sees stability in the pursuing partner, which feels comforting and secure. And being the emotional guide for the relationship? It can make you feel valued and indispensable in the most heartwarming way. But Then... Reality Sets In As the relationship deepens and living together becomes a reality, the daily demands reveal themselves. The neurodiverse partner might feel overwhelmed by expectations that were never discussed, feeling a sense of betrayal by new, unspoken demands. On the flip side, the allistic partner might mourn the evaporation of the intense romance that once was, feeling as though the magic has dissipated into thin air. 💔 The Emotional Crossroads: Where Do We Go from Here? This is where the true adventure begins. Neuro-informed therapy isn't just a buzzword; it's a beacon of hope. Imagine a space where both partners learn to understand and appreciate the beauty of their differences. Where communication styles are not just acknowledged but celebrated. 🎉 In this tailored therapy approach, we delve deep into the art of masking, unmasking, and everything in between. We explore the dynamics of special interests and how they can be both a source of connection and misunderstanding. We provide tools and strategies for navigating the day-to-day realities of a neurodiverse relationship, turning potential pitfalls into stepping stones towards a stronger bond. 🛠️❤️ Together, we'll rediscover connection, not by returning to the past, but by creating a new, shared future. A future where both partners feel seen, heard, and valued for their authentic selves. Because at the end of the day, love isn't about changing each other. It's about growing together in understanding and acceptance. 💑🌱 Ready to explore what neuro-informed therapy can do for your relationship? Click Here To Match With An Expert Your love story deserves to be understood, celebrated, and nurtured. With warmth and hope, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

The Harsh Reality of Betrayal 💔 A Crushing Discovery Imagine the heart-wrenching moment a wife discovers her autistic husband's affair. This betrayal slices through her heart, prompting painful questions: "If he seldom makes love to me or even talks to me, why is he buying flowers for someone else?" This stark revelation exposes the complex emotional dynamics often hidden within neurodiverse marriages, where typical signals of affection and connection might not align. 🤔 Why Cheat? Infidelity in neurodiverse relationships can stem from various issues, such as emotional withdrawal, sexual challenges exacerbated by sensory processing issues, and a fundamental lack of emotional understanding or connectivity. These factors can drive an autistic partner to seek fulfillment outside the marriage, not as a rejection but as a misguided attempt to meet unmet needs. Take, for example, an affair that blossoms over a shared work project. This scenario, where structured interactions based on professional interests combine with intermittent meetings, might provide an easier, less emotionally demanding connection for an autistic individual. For them, such an affair could seem more manageable than the ongoing emotional demands of a full-blown romantic relationship. Nonetheless, it is critically important to understand the underlying causes of the betrayal to be able to move toward healing. Steps Towards Healing 🚦Crisis Management The aftermath of an affair can unleash profound emotional trauma, with the betrayed partner often suffering the most through symptoms like intrusive thoughts, hyper-vigilance, and sleeplessness, engulfed in feelings of betrayal, shame, and loss. Thus, we immediately initiate the healing process by establishing vital communication tools to ensure both partners are heard, managing trauma with techniques such as mindfulness and deep breathing, and setting clear boundaries around personal interactions and privacy. Our crisis management checklist ensures that the affair has ended and determines who should be informed about the betrayal and who should not. It also includes practical measures such as STD testing to safeguard physical health. Through these comprehensive strategies, we guide each couple step-by-step, establishing stability and facilitating the path to recovery. 🔍 Exploring Underlying Causes Clearly, neurodiversity does not excuse cheating . Every individual, regardless of neurological makeup, must uphold the integrity and commitments of their relationship. Using neurological differences as a justification for infidelity disrespects the many who strive daily to navigate their relationships with integrity. Investigating the motivations behind the affair requires examining personal histories and the specific dynamics within the relationship that may have contributed to the breach. This thorough exploration is crucial for understanding the full scope of issues involved. 🗣️ Owning the Betrayal The partner who engaged in the affair must take a proactive step in fully acknowledging not just the actions they took but also the profound pain these actions have caused. Although this emotional step may be difficult for an autistic partner, this acknowledgment is the cornerstone of genuine repentance and is critical before any meaningful healing can begin. It's not just about saying sorry; it's about understanding and conveying the depth of the emotional fallout that has occurred. This process involves deep self-reflection and an open, honest dialogue where the impact of their actions is thoroughly addressed. 📝 Plan for Change Building on this foundation of acknowledgment, the next crucial step is to develop a comprehensive plan aimed at mending the broken trust. This plan should be specifically tailored to address the unique aspects of the relationship, including considerations for neurodiversity which might have influenced relational dynamics and contributed to the affair. For instance, if feelings of rejection from childhood played a role, this should be built into the recovery strategy. Committing to change involves engaging in trust-building activities that are responsive to the underlying causes. 🚶♂️ Guided Recovery Journey Recovery from infidelity is a complex and lengthy process that can offer tremendous healing. Our neuro-informed counselors are prepared to guide you through this difficult journey. Click Here To Match With An Expert All the best, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Assessment Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Ever feel like your partner is in their own private world, intensely fascinated by certain topics or hobbies? This intense focus is known as monotropism , and it's quite common among our neurodiverse friends! Is Monotropism a "Theory"? Yes! Unlike traditional views that pathologize autism as a disorder, monotropism theory suggests that autistic individuals possess a focused attention system , giving them the ability to concentrate intensely on a limited number of interests, thoughts, or activities at any given time. At t he Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , we embrace the beauty of these unique attention styles. Monotropism isn't just a trait - it can be a superpower that offers depth, passion, and consistency in neurodiverse relationships. Why Should This Matter to You? Understanding the role of monotropism in your relationship can revolutionize how you connect and communicate with your partner. Here are some ways that Monotropism can help your relationship thrive: - Depth of Knowledge: Embrace the profound insights and expertise your partner brings into your lives. - Passion and Dedication: Appreciate their unwavering commitment to what they love – maybe it's a hobby... or you! - Consistency and Reliability: Count on their steadfast focus where it counts. But let's be real— monotropism can also pose challenges in flexibility, communication, and emotional connectivity. Here's How Our Therapists Can Help You Overcome the Challenges: - Set Clear Boundaries: We guide partners in establishing when to dive deep into personal interests and when to prioritize shared activities or relationship duties. This includes building in transition time so a shift of focus is not abrupt. - Adapt Communication Strategies: We'll help you find new ways to communicate that respect each other's focus styles, improving your mutual understanding. - Avoid Demand Avoidance: We also take special care to address potential triggers for demand avoidance, working to create an environment that feels collaborative rather than coercive. - Foster Emotional Intimacy: We provide strategies that assist both partners in expressing their needs and feelings more effectively, deepening your emotional connection. - Enhance Appreciation: We help you see the unique advantages of your partner's focus as strengths in your relationship. Next Steps For Individuals: If all of this information has you reflecting on your own fascinations and whether or not you have a monotropic style of cognition, take our Monotropism Questionnaire . It's designed to uncover how you and your partner's focus styles mesh or clash, paving the way for tailored strategies that strengthen your bond. For Couples: Understanding the dual impact of monotropism—its advantages and challenges—can profoundly transform neurodiverse relationships. We are dedicated to guiding couples through understanding and adapting to these dynamics, fostering a supportive and empathetic relationship. Ready to deepen your connection and understanding? Click Here To Match With An Expert All the best, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

"How can I share my thoughts with my partner without him feeling rejected?" This exploration gains depth as we uncover the layers of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) and its intricate dance with ADHD and Autism. RSD isn't just about sensitivity to rejection; it's an overwhelming emotional tsunami triggered by even the slightest perception of being rejected or criticized. For individuals with ADHD or Autism, their neurodiversity can amplify these feelings, making RSD more intense due to the unique ways their brains process emotions and social cues. This heightened response can make every interaction feel fraught with potential for rejection. So, how do we build bridges over these turbulent waters? Neurodiverse Couples Counseling lights the path with strategies tailored to understanding and mitigating the impact of RSD: 1. Normalizing the Fear of Rejection: 🚫 Recognizing that fear of rejection is a universal experience helps in validating these feelings. This step is crucial in creating a supportive environment where vulnerabilities can be shared openly. 2. Relational Reality Testing: 🕵️♂️ By examining our reactions and questioning their alignment with reality, we challenge the narrative of rejection. The partner struggling with RSD first does this alone and then as a couple. This method fosters empathy and deeper connection by encouraging partners to see through each other's lenses. 3. Embracing Needs Over Criticism: 👎 In relationships touched by RSD, transforming criticism into expressions of needs is a pivotal step towards nurturing understanding and support. Instead of pointing out shortcomings, focus on sharing what you need to feel cherished and secure, such as affirming words or dedicated time together. This shift not only fosters a protective environment for both partners but also encourages empathy and growth, ensuring that the journey through RSD is one of mutual respect and deeper connection. 4. Structured Communication to Counter Withdrawal: 🏗️ RSD can often lead to withdrawal as a defense mechanism. In therapy, we will introduce a structured process to help bring the couple back together and communicate. This will not only minimize misunderstandings, but also gently address the tendency to withdraw. The structured process usually includes setting aside dedicated times for heartfelt discussions, adopting "I feel" statements for expressing emotions, identifying differences in each person's narratives, and practicing active listening. These efforts pave a safer path for both partners to stay engaged and connected. 5. Mindfulness and Self-Regulation: ☯️ Engaging in mindfulness practices and learning self-regulation techniques can significantly diminish the intensity of RSD reactions. For example, a couple could try deep breathing exercises together. But there's an important caveat; we would practice this first in a therapy session because the exercise itself could trigger rejection if a partner feels he or she is not doing it right. With our guidance, these practices encourage a more measured response to emotional triggers, facilitating a calmer, more reasoned approach to perceived slights or criticisms. 6. Creating a Commitment Ritual: 🕯️ Consider creating a commitment ritual that resonates deeply with both of you, serving as a powerful reminder of your journey together. This could involve looking at your wedding pictures together or repeating your wedding vows to each other, reaffirming the promises and commitments you made. You could also review a list of what each partner loves about the other. This ritual becomes a sacred space of reconnection where the partner dealing with RSD can find reassurance in the enduring commitment and love that binds you together. By delving into these strategies, we're not just addressing RSD; we're crafting a relationship that flourishes on mutual understanding, deep trust, and unconditional support. Click Here To Match With An Expert With heartfelt support, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Twice Exceptional Children UNDERSTANDING THE MISUNDERSTOOD: SUPPORTING TWICE EXCEPTIONAL CHILDREN At our neurodiverse therapy center, we know how deeply our couples care about their twice exceptional (2e) children. These kids possess both exceptional abilities and learning differences, often leading to misunderstandings and mislabeling within society. As it is our desire to support the whole family, we want to help the children too. Thus, some of our team members have specialized in caring for twice exceptional children. These therapists work hard to comprehend the unique challenges faced by 2e children and to provide effective support they need to empower them to thrive. On this page , we explore various aspects of twice exceptionality, shedding light on emotional intensity, executive functioning concerns, and the intersection of giftedness with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD), anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), depression, and specific learning disabilities. Additionally, we discuss the importance of advocating for appropriate educational placements and acceleration for these exceptional children. EMOTIONAL INTENSITY & EMOTIONAL REGULATION: UNLEASHING THE POWER OF EMOTIONS Twice exceptional children often experience emotional intensity, characterized by heightened sensitivity and depth of emotions. However, this emotional intensity can sometimes lead to challenges in emotional regulation. Our therapists provide a safe and supportive environment where 2e children can explore and express their emotions. Through evidence-based interventions, such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness techniques, we assist them in developing effective emotional regulation strategies. By nurturing their emotional well-being, we empower 2e children to harness the power of their emotions and thrive. EXECUTIVE FUNCTIONING CONCERNS: UNLEASHING POTENTIAL THROUGH SKILL DEVELOPMENT Executive functioning refers to a set of cognitive skills that enable individuals to plan, organize, focus, regulate behavior, and manage time effectively. Many twice exceptional children face difficulties in this area, impacting their academic performance and daily functioning. Our therapists conduct comprehensive assessments to understand the specific executive functioning challenges faced by each child. With this knowledge, they design personalized interventions that address organization, time management, task initiation, and problem-solving skills. By cultivating these executive functioning abilities, we equip 2e children with the tools necessary to unlock their full potential. NAVIGATING DUAL EXCEPTIONALITIES GIFTED & AUTISM/ASPBERGER'S (ASD) The co-occurrence of giftedness and Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) presents unique challenges and opportunities. Our therapists specialize in understanding the intersection of these dual exceptionalities. They provide individualized support that acknowledges the strengths of gifted 2e children with ASD, such as their focused interests and attention to detail, while addressing the social and communication difficulties they may encounter. Through social skills training, sensory integration techniques, and personalized educational strategies, our therapists empower 2e children with ASD to navigate their world with confidence and resilience. GIFTED & ADHD/ADD The combination of giftedness and Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD/ADD) brings forth unique strengths and challenges. Our therapists employ a multi-faceted approach to support 2e children in balancing their hyperfocus and challenges with attention regulation. Through tailored interventions, including behavioral strategies, self-monitoring techniques, and adaptive learning environments, we help these children channel their intense focus while managing impulsivity and improving organizational skills. By understanding their individual needs, we empower 2e children with ADHD/ADD to thrive academically and personally. GIFTED & ANXIETY/OCD The combination of giftedness and anxiety, including obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), presents unique challenges that require a holistic approach to intervention. Our therapists provide a supportive and compassionate environment where 2e children with anxiety and OCD can explore their thoughts and fears. Through evidence-based therapies, such as exposure and response prevention (ERP) and cognitive restructuring, we assist them in developing coping mechanisms to manage their anxiety and reduce OCD-related behaviors. Additionally, our therapists work collaboratively with families and educators to create a nurturing and accommodating environment that supports the emotional well-being of these children while fostering their academic and personal growth. GIFTED & DEPRESSION Gifted 2e children may be susceptible to experiencing depression due to a combination of their intense emotions, perfectionistic tendencies, and the challenges they face in navigating their exceptionalities. Our therapists offer a safe space for these children to express their emotions and explore the underlying causes of their depressive symptoms. Through a range of therapeutic techniques, including cognitive restructuring, supportive counseling, and creative expression, we empower them to develop resilience, self-compassion, and effective coping strategies. Our goal is to help these children build a strong foundation of emotional well-being and thrive in all aspects of their lives. GIFTED & LEARNING DISABILITIES (DYSLEXIA, DYSCALCULIA, DYSGRAPHIA) Twice exceptional children often face specific learning disabilities, such as dyslexia, dyscalculia, or dysgraphia, alongside their giftedness. Our therapists understand the unique learning profiles of these children and employ individualized approaches to support their academic growth. Through targeted interventions, such as multi-sensory learning techniques, assistive technologies, and specialized instructional strategies, we help 2e children overcome their learning challenges while fostering their exceptional abilities. By nurturing their strengths and providing the necessary accommodations, we enable them to reach their full potential academically and develop a positive self-identity as learners. ENSURING AN OPTIMAL EDUCATION: ADVOCATING FOR TWICE EXCEPTIONAL CHILDREN Advocating for appropriate educational placement and support is crucial for 2e children to thrive academically and socially. Our therapists work closely with families, educators, and school administrators to advocate for individualized education plans (IEPs), gifted programs, acceleration, and other necessary accommodations. By providing comprehensive assessments, educational consultation, and ongoing collaboration, we ensure that the educational environment is conducive to the unique needs and abilities of 2e children. Our goal is to create a supportive and nurturing educational experience that fosters their growth, maximizes their potential, and celebrates their neurodiversity. Further Help Looking for more information? At our sister site, Parenting Autism Therapy Center , we are dedicated to helping parents of neurodiverse children gain the proper insight, and knowledge, to help their children and family thrive. Click the link below to be directed to that site. Visit our Parenting Site FINAL WORDS At our neurodiverse therapy center, we recognize and embrace the unique strengths and challenges faced by twice exceptional children. Our therapists provide specialized support that addresses emotional intensity, executive functioning concerns, and the intersection of giftedness with various exceptionalities. Through evidence-based interventions, personalized approaches, and collaboration with families and educators, we empower these exceptional children to overcome obstacles, develop resilience, and unlock their full potential. By embracing neurodiversity and nurturing the unique talents and abilities of 2e children, we create a world where they can thrive and make meaningful contributions. Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Communication sounds simple, right? Just talk and listen. But for many couples, that’s where things get completely stuck. When communication breaks down, it can feel like you're hitting a brick wall, leaving you frustrated and hopeless. Reflective listening can be incredibly helpful, making sure each partner feels heard and understood. But let’s face it, reflective listening is rarely enough, especially for neurodiverse couples. To break through your communication walls, you need to dig deeper and ask yourself some though-provoking questions. Here are four crucial questions to continually ask yourself: 1. 🤔 How have I been complicit in creating the communication patterns that I say I don’t want? There's a difference between being “complicit” and being “responsible”. Complicit means you're playing a part, even unintentionally, in creating the situations you claim to dislike. You might be doing things you say you don’t want, but in some way, these actions serve you. Do you know what this might be? Think about it. Are you trying to protect yourself in some way? Having a hidden agenda can create chaos in our communication, making it difficult to break free from negative cycles. 2. 🗣️ What am I not saying that needs to be said? 🗣️ Do you hold back important feelings and thoughts because you fear your partner's reaction? One way to reduce this fear is by using a " soft start "—actually asking permission to say something that may be hard to hear. Ask your partner to listen and promise not to respond for at least an hour. Sometimes, even when it feels safe talk, it may still be really hard to figure out what you want to say. This is especially true for our neurodiverse partners who may not be “tuned in” to themselves. Meanwhile, allistic partners may be so worried about keeping everyone else happy that you’ve lost track of your own needs. Taking the time to deeply reflect on what is truly important to you can change your world. It can help you feel like you matter. 3. 👂 What am I saying that’s not being heard? 👂 Ever feel like you’re talking, but your partner isn’t listening? First, focus on how you are saying what you're saying. Are you speaking calmly and clearly, or are your words dripping with frustration and hopelessness? Work on soothing yourself enough so you’re not in a triggered state of mind and body. Instead of pointing out what they’re doing wrong, try focusing on your own feelings and experiences. Expressing your internal thoughts can lower defenses and open your partner to really hear you. 4. 🧏 What’s being said that I’m not hearing? 🧏 Listening is a gift. It means setting aside your own agenda for a moment to truly enter the other person’s world. Take some time to reflect on everything your partner is trying to tell you. Is there a deeper message beneath all the words they are saying? Does a complaint about dishes in the sink really mean that your partner feels overwhelmed at the end of the day and needs someone to notice all the work that gets done? By staying curious about what is being said, even if you disagree, you show respect and validation for your partner’s feelings and thoughts, breathing new life into the relationship. 📝 Start the Deeper Work of Communication 📝 The deeper work of a couple's communication begins with you and a piece of paper (or keypad!) Here’s an exercise to get started: 1. Answer these four questions honestly: Take some time alone to reflect on each question. Write down your answers thoughtfully and thoroughly. 2. Share your answers with your partner: Set aside a quiet time to discuss your reflections. Make sure to carefully listen to each other. Say back what you are hearing but don’t respond. Save that for later. 3. Get expert help: Breaking through years of stuck communication is tough to do alone. To work through challenges, consider seeing one of our neuro-informed clinicians. They can provide expert guidance and support on this journey. For more transformative insights and neuro-informed support, don’t hesitate to reach out to us. We're here to help you navigate and strengthen your relationship. Until next time, Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Do You Focus Intensely on Some Interests, but Not Others? Want to see if your behavior is consistent with monotropism? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take the Monotropism Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Menopause and Neurodiverse Relationships: How to Adapt Menopause is finally being talked about in the open. That conversation is overdue. Because the symptoms can rock a relationship, especially a neurodiverse one. First, the trend you’re hearing about. Overall, U.S. divorce rates have fallen since 1990...but divorces after age 50 have more than doubled. Media are calling this “menodivorce,” and surveys suggest many women perceive perimenopause/menopause as a factor. What’s happening in bodies and brains. Perimenopause can span years, with fluctuating estrogen driving hot flashes, sleep disruption, mood shifts, brain fog, and changes in libido and vaginal comfort. Those symptoms are real, common, and treatable. Why neurodiverse couples feel this harder. Autistic and ADHD partners often rely on sleep regularity, predictable sensory input, and stable routines to keep regulation and communication online. Perimenopause adds heat surges, night sweats, light sleep, and pain, which amplify sensory load and executive-function strain. Emerging research shows many autistic adults report menopause as a “perfect storm”—more sensory sensitivity, more dysregulation, and feeling poorly supported by care systems. ADHD adds another layer. Hormonal fluctuation can alter attention, working memory, and mood; some studies tie symptom spikes to estrogen changes, while other newer data are mixed. Translation for relationships: even stable couples can suddenly feel like strangers for a season. How this shows up between partners. Missed bids for connection rise when one partner is exhausted, in pain, or heat-spiking at 2 a.m.; the other partner may misread withdrawal as disinterest. Sex gets complicated when desire drops, arousal hurts, or sleep is wrecked. Conflict ramps when executive bandwidth shrinks and both partners are running on fumes. What actually helps (neuro-informed and practical). —Get a medical plan, not myths. Ask your medical doctor about menopausal hormone therapy (MHT) pros/cons, non-hormonal options, localized estrogen for genitourinary pain, and sleep treatment. —Protect sleep like it’s oxygen. Separate duvets, phase-shift bedtimes, occasional solo-sleep nights during hot-flash clusters, and a cooling plan (fans, breathable bedding). —Reduce sensory load. Cool rooms, loose layers, dimmed evenings, predictable routines, and a “quick-exit” cue during overwhelm for the autistic/ADHD partner. —Normalize your experiences. Name the stage: “We’re in perimenopause; symptoms come in waves; our job is to co-regulate and adapt.” —Adjust the intimacy script. Prioritize comfort and connection over performance; schedule “low-pressure” touch; use lubricants and pain-reducing strategies; revisit what “good sex” means. Five quick shifts for individuals (from overwhelm to connection) ✔️ Flag it fast. “I’m heat-spiking and foggy; two minutes to cool, then I’m with you.” ✔️ Name the state, not the story. “One sentence: I’m flooded and want to reconnect, not fight.” ✔️ Micro-cool + reset. Cold water on wrists/neck, 90 seconds of breathing, lights down, then turn to your partner. ✔️ Timebox and return. If you need a focus block, set 20–40 minutes and announce your return out loud at the exact minute. ✔️ Make one bid. “Three-minute check-in now?” Five quick shifts for couples (protect the “we”) ✔️ On-/off-ramp script. “I feel a wave; two minutes to land, then I’m back.” “I’m back—can we reconnect now or in five?” ✔️ Temperature + sleep pact. Agree on cooling tools and flexible sleep arrangements during bad weeks. ✔️ Witness window. 2–5 minutes: share one update; partner asks two curious questions—then stop. ✔️ Pain-aware intimacy. Use warm-ups, generous lube, positions that reduce friction, and a permission slip to pause. ✔️ Debrief 3×3 weekly. Three things that helped, three that hurt, three tweaks—pick one to try. Bottom line. Menopause isn’t the villain, but unmanaged symptoms and missed meaning can crush connection. Neurodiverse couples can absolutely adapt with the right medical care, sensory supports, and communication tools. Little by little works. [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Shea Davis Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Cassandra Syndrome Support Communication Addiction, Trauma, Betrayal Recovery Blended Families Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Emotionally Focused Therapy Internal Family Systems Life Experience Lived 24 Years in a Neurodiverse Marriage. I know the highs and heartbreaks of a relationship where love is real—but miscommunication is constant. That lived experience grounds the way I support couples navigating similar dynamics. Parented a Brilliant, Struggling Neurodivergent Son. As a mom and advocate, I learned to interpret, adapt, and create safety for a child the world didn’t always understand. That shaped my deep respect for nervous system differences and co-regulation. Rebuilt After Addiction, Trauma & Betrayal. I’ve walked through collapse and come out the other side—with hard-earned insight into recovery, boundaries, and how to rebuild relationships rooted in mutual safety. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT # 154799, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Shea! Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References ADDitude. (2025, September 18). Hormonal fluctuations may worsen ADHD symptoms. https://www.additudemag.com/hormonal-fluctuations-adhd-symptoms-menopause/Additude Brady, M. J., et al. (2024). “A perfect storm”: Autistic experiences of menopause and the need for support. Autism in Adulthood, 6 (3), 248–260. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11135000/ PMC Chapman, L., et al. (2025). Examining the link between ADHD symptoms and menopausal complaints. Journal of Attention Disorders . https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/40738484/ PubMed Deshpande, N., & Patel, S. (2025). Psychological changes at menopause: Anxiety, mood, and sexual function. Therapeutic Advances in Reproductive Health, 19 , 1–12. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/26318318251324577 SAGE Journals Grove, R., Hoekstra, R. A., Wierda, M., & Begeer, S. (2018). Special interests and subjective wellbeing in autistic adults. Autism Research, 11 (5), 766–775. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/aur.1931 Bowling Green State University Jenkins, C. A., et al. (2024). “Struggling for years”: An international survey on autistic menopause experiences. Advances in Autism . https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/full/10.1177/27546330241299366 SAGE Journals Kling, J. M., et al. (2017). Association of sleep disturbance and sexual function in menopausal women. Menopause, 24 (9), 1041–1047. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5443696/ PMC Mayo Clinic. (2024, August 7). Menopause: Symptoms & causes. https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/menopause/symptoms-causes/syc-20353397 Mayo Clinic Mayo Clinic Press. (2023, October 31). Get to know the signs of perimenopause. https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/women-health/i-didnt-realize-what-was-happening-get-to-know-the-signs-of-perimenopause/ Mayo Clinic McPress Osianlis, E., et al. (2025). ADHD and sex hormones in females: A systematic review. Frontiers in Global Women’s Health, 6 , 1613628. https://www.frontiersin.org/journals/global-womens-health/articles/10.3389/fgwh.2025.1613628/full Frontiers Russell, G., Kapp, S. K., Elliott, D., Elphick, C., Gwernan-Jones, R., & Owens, C. (2019). Mapping the autistic advantage from lived accounts. Autism in Adulthood, 1 (2), 124–133. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6493410/ Bowling Green State University The Balance Menopause. (2022, October 18). Menopause puts final nail in marriage coffin. https://www.balance-menopause.com/news/menopause-puts-final-nail-in-marriage-coffin/ Balance Menopause & Hormones The Menopause Society. (2025). The transition to menopause for autistic individuals in the U.S. Menopause, 32 (6). https://journals.lww.com/menopausejournal/fulltext/2025/06000/the_transition_to_menopause_for_autistic.4.aspx Lippincott Journals USA Today. (2025, August 14). Welcome to the “menodivorce.” Why women aren’t sweating marriage in a sea of hot flashes. https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2025/08/14/divorce-women-perimenopause-menopause/85622804007/ USA Today Westrick-Payne, K. K., & Lin, I.-F. (2023). Age variation in the divorce rate, 1990–2021 (FP-23-16). Bowling Green State University, NCFMR. https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/westrick-payne-lin-age-variation-divorce-rate-1990-2021-fp-23-16.html Bowling Green State University Westrick-Payne, K. K., & Lin, I.-F. (2021). Age variation in the divorce rate, 1990–2019 (FP-21-16). Bowling Green State University, NCFMR. https://www.bgsu.edu/ncfmr/resources/data/family-profiles/carlson-age-variation-divorce-fp-21-16.html Bowling Green State University Zarei-Khalesi, F., et al. (2020). Impact of menopause on sexual function and relationships. International Journal of Reproductive Biomedicine, 18 (8), 543–552. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8351832/ PMC Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Neurodiverse Couples Counseling TIP: Want answers fast? Check out our 📄 Quick Guide on Neurodiverse Couples Counseling for key facts, FAQs , and why you should choose us. THE NEURODIVERSITY MAGNET Initially, an autistic partner and a neurotypical partner feel a strong initial attraction to each other and couple up. The neurotypical may be attracted to the autistic partner's stability, focus and intelligence. The autistic partner may appreciate the neurotypical helping him or her navigate social situations. The neurotypical may be the autistic partner's special interest , at least during the dating period. Typically, the neurotypical soaks up the attention. They may view themselves as complementary, a perfect fit - like a "magnet" has pulled them together. Many couples we see through our California telehealth practice — whether based in Los Angeles, San Jose, San Francisco, Pasadena, or smaller towns across the state — describe this initial stage as feeling like the perfect fit. DIFFERENCES TURN INTO DYSFUNCTIONAL PATTERNS Yet, it is easy for these neurological differences to lead to wires getting crossed. Building and maintaining an emotional connection becomes more difficult if a couple discovers that they speak "different languages" and have a disparity in how they think and experience emotions. Without the tools to understand and constructively deal with neurodiversity, these differences are often interpreted negatively which, over time, become cemented into dysfunctional traumatic patterns which: degrade trust in each other and the relationship, cause one or both partners to pursue, withdraw and/or explode, lead to feelings of blame, shame, isolation, hopelessness, sadness, disappointment, confusion, loneliness and abandonment, lead to a diminished sex life, make shared efforts, like parenting, more difficult, and gradually weakens the the "relationship house." THERAPY FOR NEURODIVERSE COUPLES EMPATHY IS POSSIBLE Therapists who are not experienced with neurodiversity often tell clients married to autistic adults that their partner cannot feel empathy and cannot truly love. This is dangerous feedback because it is simply not true. Although partners with Autism may process feelings differently , the are fully capable of empathy and love. Autistic adults are often shocked to find that their partner’s faith in their love and loyalty could be compromised by a forgotten good-bye or missed eye-contact. Typically, clients with autism feel empathy but often need a structured process to receive the feelings from his partner, connect with her feelings, and learn to reciprocate the feelings back. That is where our team comes in. SUPPORT FOR COUPLE AND EACH PARTNER There are several ways our team of therapists and coaches support neurodiversity: meet with the couple together (see more below), have a separate therapist or coach meet with each partner individually to provide emotional support and skills training for: the neurotypical spouse , and the neurodiverse partner Find Out How We Can Help! SPECIFIC STEPS FOR COUPLES THERAPY WHAT NOT TO DO: There are plenty of traps when trying to heal your neurodiverse relationship so it is very easy to focus on the wrong thing. Here's a short list of things we will not focus on: Convincing the autistc partner who doesn't see the need to change that he/she should. People on the spectrum may have been misunderstood for most of their lives so they have a good reason to be stubborn. Change comes from understanding, not from pressure. Trying to find the right carrot and stick to finally motivate your partner. Getting the diagnosis exactly right. Even with the right label, the problems are still there! See more on this on our diagnosis page . Punishment and manipulation (It just tends to put them deeper into "Defense Mode"). WHAT TO DO: Instead, we work together to eliminate the counter-productive patterns (mostly based on misunderstanding) that have developed during their relationship, accept each other's differences, and follow a clear roadmap to increase closeness: CREATING SAFETY: Learning basic communication strategies as a foundation for communicating during counseling sessions; Creating a safe space where the couple can begin to suspend judgment, see each other's unique qualities and strengths, and reset expectations without resentment. This may include a discussion of meltdowns, aggressive pursuit of a withdrawn partner or any other behaviors that may be experienced as reducing emotional or physical safety. ASSESSING: Identifying and naming the dysfunctional relational patterns that have build up over years and may be rooted in unaddressed neurological differences; Considering other factors (not related to neurological differences) that may be impacting the relationship; Assessing levels of motivation and making a commitment to the couples work; Self-exploration and self-awareness through sharing personal history (including family of origin), successes and wounds; Exploring how you personal story is impacting the relationship; Identifying deeper unmet needs for each partner; Identifying how each partner may be coping to get needs met or to simply survive (angry or critical pursuit, silent withdrawal,,); Understanding and expressing how each partner's neurological make-up impacts needs and coping strategies; Pursuing a diagnosis (COMPLETELY OPTIONAL) or Identifying the aspects of Autism that apply to you; Accepting the diagnosis OR accepting your unique characteristics (for both partners); Ready to Get Started? Click Here! BREAKING THE TRAUMA CYCLE When one or both partners has been traumatized by relationship patterns that are rooted in their neuro-differences, the partners must overcome two distinct challenges: heal the trauma, and understand and build bridges across the neurological differences. The problem is that most approaches to Neurodiverse couples counseling do not adequately address the trauma. As a result, couples get stuck in trauma-fed reactive behaviors that keep then stuck. We have created a diagram that shows the typical trauma cycle for neurodiverse couples and the path to healing. Your therapist or coach will walk you through how to heal the trauma cycle step-by-step. GENERAL HEALING Bridging the double empathy problem; Expanding communication skills. Acknowledging past wounds and charting a path forward. In a pre-diagnosis period, a couples history is often marked by misunderstanding, resentment, anger outbursts and withdrawal. This must get addressed in a healing way. Learning different responses to traumatic reactions / triggers (move from defensiveness to providing comfort); Meeting emotional needs through increased clarity and structure (Love List exercise); Learning to play together; Coping with sensory overload and meltdowns; Shifting from aggression to anger and then to underlying needs; Expanding Theory of Mind for both partners; Managing other possible struggles for both partners (including depression, anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder); TOPICAL HEALING Time Management: Enabling time together (for connection) and apart (for self-care); Parenting: Learn how to leverage your neurodiverse strengths to parent your children (whether or not your children are neurodiverse); Special Parenting: Learn how to parent your neurodiverse children ; Sex: Meeting each other's sexual needs through managing different levels of libido, enhancing sexual communication, and addressing sensory issues; Financial: Understanding how each partner feels and thinks about money and building a bridge across the gap. CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!! When a couple understand their differences and accept them, they will finally stop resisting change. This can feel like a tremendous relief. Even though both partners usually think the other one needs to change, you both will start to make changes that you never expected. This is where most neurotypical partners think, "Yes, I can change but my partner won't." Despite your worry that your autistic partner is rigid and focused on himself, most autistic clients that we work with will put in tremendous efforts to change in the context of accepting, neuro-informed therapy and the support from his spouse. Please know that autism is NOT a fixed condition that locks someone into the same behaviors throughout life. It is subject to the same forces of change that occur in anyone’s life. Understanding this provides the ray of hope to break painful entrenched patterns of interaction. The change is usually gradual but, over time, both partners usually experience progress and your relationship can finally become more relaxed and rewarding. Desmond Tutu has been quoted saying : “There is only one way to eat an elephant: one bite at a time.” Everything in life that seems daunting, overwhelming, and even impossible can be accomplished gradually by taking on small manageable steps. In fact, many neurodiverse couples that our team counsels report that they are satisfied with the marriage and choose to remain in the relationship. READY TO GET STARTED? Check out our 📄 Quick Guide on Neurodiverse Couples Counseling for key facts, FAQs , and why you should choose us. Or, if you're ready to get started, fill out our contact form and we will be glad to connect you with one of our team members. Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Have you ever felt like you’ve been living life on autopilot, only to be jolted awake by a surprising discovery? Imagine finding out, after decades, that the quirks and challenges you or your partner face have a name: Autism . This revelation can be both liberating and overwhelming, especially for couples. Let’s dive into how a late-life autism diagnosis can impact your neurodiverse relationship and ways to navigate this new chapter together. 💡 The Late-Life Diagnosis Shockwave 🔍 Understanding the Revelation Imagine living your entire life without knowing why certain things felt so different or challenging. A diagnosis later in life can be a game-changer, offering clarity and a new perspective. For couples, this can explain years of misunderstandings and frustrations, suddenly making sense of those "puzzle pieces" that never quite fit. 💬 A Real-Life Story (with names changed) Meet Jane and Mike, married for 30 years. Jane had long suspected that Mike might be on the autism spectrum, often hinting at her suspicions. When their child was diagnosed with autism, it prompted Mike to seek a diagnosis at 55. Jane felt a mix of validation and frustration, often thinking, "I knew it all along." Mike, on the other hand, grappled with feelings of shame and regret, wondering why it took him so long to figure it out. With the help of one of our neuro-informed therapists, their journey of rediscovery was filled with moments of empathy, patience, and renewed connection. Instead of trying to "fix" Mike, they focused on finding new ways to interact while learning to accept each other's way of being and thinking. 📊 Eye-Opening Statistics In a SPARK Study involving over 22,000 autistic adults and 102,000 children, about 50% of the autistic adults were diagnosed when they were older than 17, some in their 30s, 40s, and 50s. Some sought a diagnosis for themselves after their child was diagnosed with autism. Other adults benefited from a public awareness of autism that did not exist when they were growing up. If you or someone you care for is interested in pursuing a diagnosis, we encourage you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Center for more information and support. 🚀 Actionable Steps for Couples 📚 Educate Yourselves Dive into resources about adult autism. Knowledge is power and can help you understand each other better. Recommended reads: " The Autism Couple’s Workbook " by Maxine Aston, " Neurodiverse Relationships " by Joanna Stevenson. 💬 Open Dialogue Regular check-ins with each other. Ask open-ended questions like, “How can I better understand how you think and what you need?" Create a safe space for honest conversations, free from interruptions. 🌈 Embrace the Journey Focus on strengths. Celebrate the unique qualities that each partner brings to the relationship. Develop new routines that accommodate both partners' needs. Flexibility and compromise are vital. 💬 Accept and Adapt Resist the urge to "fix" your autistic partner. Instead, find new ways to communicate and connect, embracing each other's unique traits and perspectives. Valuing these differences can enrich your bond. Remember, this journey is uniquely yours. Embrace it with compassion, curiosity, and love. Our team of neuro-informed couples counselors and assessments specialists would love to be on the journey with you! Until next week, Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Do You Struggle to Recognize and Express Emotions? Want to see if your behavior is consistent with alexithymia? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take the Alexithymia Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Check out our Quick Guides if you're looking for key facts, research-backed insights, and easy-to-follow explanations for neurodiverse couples navigating autism, ADHD, communication, intimacy, and more. Quick Guides Quick Guide - HSP for Couples Stop mistaking sensitivity for withdrawal or overreaction—learn how the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait shapes your relationship's unique wiring. Discover expert strategies to soothe emotional flooding and turn deep feeling into a safer, deeply attuned connection. Read More Quick Guide - Discernment Counseling for Neurodiverse Couples Feeling stuck between staying and leaving? Discernment counseling gives neurodiverse couples a focused space to pause conflict, understand what’s really happening beneath the surface, and make a confident, informed decision about the future. Read More Quick Guide - ADHD Couples Therapy If ADHD is causing misunderstandings, frustration, or uneven responsibilities, you’re not alone. Learn how a neuro-informed approach helps couples understand each other’s wiring—and create practical, compassionate change together. Read More Quick Guide - Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Intimacy challenges in neurodiverse relationships are common—and deeply fixable. This guide explains how specialized sex therapy supports couples in navigating desire differences, sensory needs, and emotional disconnect with compassion and clarity. Read More Quick Guide - Communication in Neurodiverse Relationships If conversations keep spiraling, shutting down, or getting lost in translation, you’re not alone. Learn how neuro-informed communication tools help partners understand each other’s wiring—and finally feel heard. Read More Quick Guide - Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Find out how neurodiverse couples counseling helps partners move through communication breakdowns, emotional mismatches, and burnout, and why working with neuro-informed experts can finally make the relationship feel understandable again. Read More

< Back Quick Guide - HSP for Couples Tip: Want more resources? 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation. KEY FACTS HSP isn’t a disorder—it’s a trait that develops when the nervous system processes sensory and emotional input more deeply (called Sensory Processing Sensitivity ). This deeper wiring affects how someone experiences connection, conflict, and everyday life in relationships. HSPs commonly share four traits that strongly influence relationships: depth of processing, sensitivity to subtleties, emotional intensity, and a tendency toward overstimulation in high-stress environments. In relationships, these traits can lead to both strengths (empathy, intuition, attunement) and challenges (emotional flooding, conflict avoidance, sensory overwhelm). Misunderstandings often arise when partners interpret sensitivity as withdrawal, overreaction, or disinterest. When couples understand HSP wiring, they can develop strategies to help slow conflict, improve communication, and create environments that feel safer and more supportive for both partners. Consulting an expert or completing a structured sensitivity assessment can clarify whether HSP traits are contributing to communication patterns, conflict, or overwhelm—helping couples gain insight and learn tailored strategies for connection and regulation. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQS) What does it mean to be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)? Answer: It’s not a disorder, but a naturally occurring temperamental trait rooted in a nervous system that processes sensory and emotional input more deeply—often referred to as Sensory Processing Sensitivity. This deeper wiring shapes how partners experience communication, conflict, and connection in meaningful ways. Why do HSPs react more strongly during conflict? Answer: Because HSPs feel emotions intensely and pick up on subtle cues, disagreements can trigger emotional flooding more quickly. This can look like withdrawal, overwhelm, or shutting down —not avoidance, but a nervous system protecting itself. Supportive communication can help both partners navigate conflict more calmly. How does HSP show up differently in neurodiverse relationships? Answer: In mixed-neurotype couples, an HSP partner may respond to emotional nuance, tone shifts, or subtle expressions that a neurodivergent partner might not automatically notice. Therapy helps couples build shared emotional communication strategies that honor both direct and intuitive communication styles. What strengths can HSP traits bring to a relationship? Answer: HSPs often bring empathy, intuition, and strong attunement to their partner’s needs. These qualities can create deeper connection and emotional responsiveness, supported by research on heightened social-emotional processing in sensitive individuals. How can therapy or assessment help? Answer: Working with a clinician familiar with HSP traits can help partners pinpoint whether sensitivity, overwhelm, or sensory triggers are driving misunderstandings. Tools like structured sensitivity assessments support accurate identification of sensory-emotional patterns , allowing couples to develop tailored strategies that strengthen communication and regulation. Last reviewed: Dec 15, 2025 • Authors: Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT (Clinical Director) and Jasmyne Mena (Director of Clinical Research & Scientific Communications, Senior Medical Writer, Neurodiversity) REFERENCES Acevedo, B. P., Aron, E. N., Aron, A., Sangster, M. D., Collins, N., & Brown, L. L. (2014). The highly sensitive brain: an fMRI study of sensory processing sensitivity and response to others' emotions. Brain and behavior, 4(4), 580–594. https://doi.org/10.1002/brb3.242 Acevedo, B. P., Aron, E. N., Aron, A., Cooper, T., & Marhenke, R. (2023). Sensory processing sensitivity and its relation to sensation seeking. Current Research in Behavioral Sciences, 4, Article 100100. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.crbeha.2023.100100 Bröhl, A. S., Van Leeuwen, K., Pluess, M., De Fruyt, F., Van Hoof, E., Weyn, S., & Bijttebier, P. (2022). Personality profile of the self-identified highly sensitive person: A lay theory approach. Journal of Individual Differences , 43 (2), 95–104. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1027/1614-0001/a000363 Golonka, K., & Gulla, B. (2021). Individual Differences and Susceptibility to Burnout Syndrome: Sensory Processing Sensitivity and Its Relation to Exhaustion and Disengagement. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, Article 751350. https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2021.751350 Liu, J., & Fukushima, H. (2025). Beyond emotional distress: Exploring the positive link between highly sensitive person trait and aesthetic sensitivity. Personality and Individual Differences, 245, Article 113285. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2025.113285 McDowell, C. N., Bryant, M. E., & Parker, M. L. (2023). Decoding Neurodiverse Couples Therapy: A Solution-Focused Approach. Sexuality & Disability, 41(2), 255–273. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1007/s11195-022-09765-9 Meredith, P. J., Bailey, K. J., Strong, J., & Rappel, G. (2016). Adult Attachment, Sensory Processing, and Distress in Healthy Adults. The American Journal of Occupational Therapy, 70(1), Article 7001250010. https://doi.org/10.5014/ajot.2016.017376 Morellini, L., Izzo, A., Celeghin, A., Palermo, S., & Morese, R. (2023). Sensory processing sensitivity and social pain: a hypothesis and theory. Frontiers in human neuroscience, 17, 1135440. https://doi.org/10.3389/fnhum.2023.1135440 WHY CHOOSE US? DEPTH OF TEAM — 30+ neuro-informed therapists and coaches. 16,000+ sessions each year. The world’s largest practice dedicated to neurodiverse couples and individuals—so you benefit from deep, proven experience. WE ARE NEURODIVERSE: More than 90% of our clinicians are neurodiverse themselves, bringing a firsthand understanding of autism, ADHD, and related experiences. This lived perspective, combined with professional training, allows us to provide both expertise and genuine compassion to help you thrive. OUR MODEL: We use a neurodiverse counseling model —practical, skills- based, and tailored to each couple. We don’t pathologize difference; we name neurodiverse traits as natural human variations in communication style, sensory needs, social energy, and executive functioning. Together, we map those patterns so both partners can see what’s really happening (not what they’re blaming each other for). From there, we translate insight into action: shared language for signals and needs, simple agreements for sensory fit, clear routines for planning and follow-through, and repair tools that reduce defensiveness. The goal isn’t to make anyone “more normal.” It’s to help you work with your differences—so empathy grows, teamwork strengthens, and your bond gets measurably closer. STRENGTH-BASED: Our neurodiverse counseling model is strengths-based and neuro-affirming because that’s what works—well-supported in couples therapy and even more effective with neurodiverse couples. Instead of fixing “deficits,” we identify and deploy real assets—precision, honesty, loyalty, pattern recognition, creativity, deep focus—so they actively solve problems. This lowers shame, builds safety fast, and turns differences into shared tools: clearer signals and agreements, sensory fit instead of overload, and routines that reduce friction. The payoff is practical—fewer blowups, better follow-through, and a bond that strengthens because you’re using what you already do well, together. OUR TEAM: Our experts are deeply compassionate and dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples thrive. Three things set our team apart: Ongoing Specialized Training – All team members receive weekly training on neurodiversity-focused content, ensuring our approaches stay current and effective. Collaborative Case Support – We hold weekly supervision sessions, including case consultations, so that no couple’s challenges are handled in isolation—your therapist has a full team behind them. Continuous Professional Growth – Every therapist pursues ongoing continuing education in neurodiverse relationships, keeping us at the forefront of best practices. ASSESSMENTS: In addition to providing therapy, many of our clinicians are specially trained in conducting in-depth adult autism and ADHD assessments . If you’re seeking greater clarity or considering an in-depth evaluation, our team can guide you through the process with professionalism and care. INSURANCE — We are insurance-friendly. As an out-of-network provider, we will send you a Superbill for therapy services that you can submit to your insurance company for potential reimbursement. Please know that we do NOT bill insurance directly or participate as an in-network provider. For more information, please visit the "Insurance/Fee" section on our FAQ page. DIAGNOSIS OPTIONAL — You don’t need a diagnosis to get help with us. We can start with what’s happening now—communication loops, sensory needs, executive-function friction, meltdowns/shutdowns—and turn those patterns into clear agreements, better repairs, and real relief. If you’re in California and want a formal autism or ADHD evaluation , our licensed clinicians can provide it—but it’s not required to benefit. Either way, the goal is the same: less blame, more understanding, a stronger bond, and real individual healing. NOT A CRISIS SERVICE — We’re not a crisis service. If you’re ever in immediate danger, call 911. For urgent mental health support, call or text 988 or go to https://988lifeline.org Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is part of New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. WHO WE HELP We support neurodiverse couples and individuals nationwide through online therapy or coaching. Some common issues we help clients tackle include: Autism/ADHD differences Cassandra Syndrome Support Alexithymia Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Highly Sensitive People Parenting and co-parenting challenges Intimacy (both physical and emotional) Autism and ADHD assessments and self-screeners Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Recurring discussions about “tone,” initiative, alexithymia , or intimacy Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Discernment Counseling LEARN MORE 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation.

< Back Quick Guide - Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Tip: Want more resources? 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation. KEY FACTS The “Neurodiversity Magnet”: Many autistic and neurotypical partners feel an immediate and powerful attraction towards each other and their differences . Autistic partners are often admired for their focus, intelligence, and stability, while neurotypical partners are valued for their social skills and support. This can feel like being “pulled together like magnets.” When Differences Become Challenges: Over time, those same differences can cause misunderstandings . Couples may feel like they are speaking “different languages,” leading to trust issues, arguments, distance, or struggles with parenting and intimacy. Yes, Empathy Is Possible: Some people wrongly believe that autistic partners cannot feel love or empathy. In reality, they do feel empathy—they just may show it in different ways ( Double Empathy Problem ). With the right tools, both partners can better understand and connect with each other. Therapy That Works: Research shows that neurodiverse couples who participate in solution-focused therapy show an increase in “solution talk” and positive reinforcement, which helps partners move away from blame and start expressing emotions more openly. Change Takes Time, But It Happens: Autism is not a “fixed” condition . With patience and the right kind of therapy, many couples see progress and grow closer over time—leading to relationships that feel more relaxed, connected, and rewarding. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQS) 1. What is neurodiverse couples counseling? Answer: Neurodiverse couples counseling is therapy designed for relationships where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD, or otherwise neurodivergent. It focuses on improving communication, building emotional safety, and helping partners understand each other’s unique ways of thinking and feeling. Unlike traditional counseling, this approach uses strategies that account for neurological differences so couples feel understood and supported. 2. Does neurodiverse couples counseling work? Answer: Yes. Research and our experience as counselors support the idea that neuro-affirming therapy can be more effective than traditional counseling approaches because it focuses on one's strengths and individuality rather than pushing people to “act neurotypical.” Therapists who affirm autistic and ADHD traits —while also addressing challenges like anxiety or communication struggles—have been associated with couples building healthier relationships and stronger self-acceptance. 3. How long does it take to see progress? Answer: Many couples feel relief within the first few sessions once they understand their patterns and learn new strategies. Meaningful progress takes time, but with consistency, couples often notice more empathy, teamwork, and closeness after just a few months. 4. How much does neurodiverse couples therapy cost? Answer: Our session fees range from $150–$400, and standard sessions are 50 minutes long. Fees vary depending on your therapist’s experience and qualifications. A limited number of sliding-scale spots ($100–$150) are available, though these are limited and may not always be open. When you complete the contact form , you’ll share what you’re able to pay, and we’ll do our best to match you with a professional who fits both your needs and budget. The length of therapy varies a great deal based on your goals but a typical couple may be in therapy weekly for two months and then every other week for another two months. The majority usually end up spending from $1,000 to $5,000 on counseling depending on how much help is needed. To put the cost of couples counseling in perspective, it is difficult to buy something for $5,000 that will give you the same quality of life that a healthy relationship provides. Consider the emotional costs of your ongoing conflicts have been to each of you as well as your family and friends. What is the value of feeling and interacting more lovingly, effectively and respectfully now and in the long-term? This is probably your most significant relationship, which radically impacts your life and your wellbeing. Getting help to communicate with your partner in more effective and lasting ways may be one of the best investments you can make. If you and your partner feel loved, respected and meet each other's emotional needs, you may be able to do without many other material things and feel much more fulfilled. 5. What if one partner isn’t sure about being autistic or ADHD? Answer: That’s okay. A formal diagnosis isn’t required to start. Many couples come to us simply because they notice “different wiring” is affecting communication and connection. Therapy works whether or not a diagnosis is in place—and if desired, we can help California residents explore in-depth assessments for autism or ADHD. You can also access free self-screeners on our website to start gaining insight into your unique brain/relationship. 6. What challenges bring neurodiverse couples to therapy? Answer: Common reasons include recurring conflicts about “tone” or chores, emotional distance, sensory overload, mismatched needs for intimacy, parenting struggles, or feeling like you’re speaking “different languages.” These challenges don’t mean your relationship is broken—they mean you may need tools built specifically for neurodiverse partnerships. 7. How does therapy for neurodiverse couples work? Answer: We focus on eliminating unhelpful patterns, creating emotional safety, and building a roadmap toward closeness. Sessions may involve the couple together, plus individual support for each partner. Our therapists teach practical strategies to improve communication, manage conflict, and reconnect —without blame, pressure, or trying to “fix” one person. 8. Can neurodiverse people feel empathy? Answer: Yes. Autistic partners are fully capable of love and empathy. They often care deeply, but may not always pick up on subtle signs that their partner is hurting. Sometimes it needs to be said out loud for them to recognize it. This difference is often mistaken for “lacking empathy,” but really it’s about how emotions are noticed and processed. Therapy helps both partners understand these differences and share empathy in ways that strengthen connection. 9. What is the Double Empathy Problem? Answer: The Double Empathy Problem describes how both autistic and neurotypical partners can struggle to understand each other’s perspectives. It’s not a “deficit” in one person—it’s a two-way misunderstanding caused by different communication and emotional styles. Counseling helps bridge this gap so both partners feel heard and valued. Last reviewed: Sep 2, 2025 • Authors: Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT (Clinical Director) and Jasmyne Mena (Director of Clinical Research & Scientific Communications, Senior Medical Writer, Neurodiversity) REFERENCES 10 secrets of happy neurodiverse couples… . (2024, September 4). BPS; The British Psychological Society. https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/10-secrets-happy-neurodiverse-couples Calderoni, S., Billeci, L., Narzisi, A., Brambilla, P., Retico, A., & Muratori, F. (2016). Rehabilitative Interventions and Brain Plasticity in Autism Spectrum Disorders: Focus on MRI-Based Studies. Frontiers in Neuroscience , 10 . https://doi.org/10.3389/fnins.2016.00139 Graf-Kurtulus, S., & Gelo, O. C. G. (2025). Rethinking psychological interventions in autism: Toward a neurodiversity-affirming approach. Counselling and Psychotherapy Research , 25, e12874. https://doi.org/10.1002/capr.12874 McDowell, C. N., Bryant, M. E., & Parker, M. L. (2023). Decoding Neurodiverse Couples Therapy: A Solution-Focused Approach. Sexuality & Disability , 41 (2), 255–273. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1007/s11195-022-09765-9 Milton, D., Waldock, K. E., & Keates, N. (2023). Autism and the ‘double empathy problem.’ In F. Mezzenzana & D. Peluso (Eds.), Conversations on empathy: Interdisciplinary perspectives on imagination and radical othering (pp. 78–97). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003189978-6 Mitchell, P., Sheppard, E., & Cassidy, S. (2021). Autism and the double empathy problem: Implications for development and mental health. British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 39(1), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjdp.12350 Taylor, E. C., Livingston, L. A., Clutterbuck, R. A., Callan, M. J., & Shah, P. (2023). Psychological strengths and well-being: Strengths use predicts quality of life, well-being and mental health in autism. Autism : the international journal of research and practice , 27 (6), 1826–1839. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613221146440 WHY CHOOSE US? DEPTH OF TEAM — 30+ neuro-informed therapists and coaches. 16,000+ sessions each year. The world’s largest practice dedicated to neurodiverse couples and individuals—so you benefit from deep, proven experience. WE ARE NEURODIVERSE: More than 90% of our clinicians are neurodiverse themselves, bringing a firsthand understanding of autism, ADHD, and related experiences. This lived perspective, combined with professional training, allows us to provide both expertise and genuine compassion to help you thrive. OUR MODEL: We use a neurodiverse counseling model —practical, skills- based, and tailored to each couple. We don’t pathologize difference; we name neurodiverse traits as natural human variations in communication style, sensory needs, social energy, and executive functioning. Together, we map those patterns so both partners can see what’s really happening (not what they’re blaming each other for). From there, we translate insight into action: shared language for signals and needs, simple agreements for sensory fit, clear routines for planning and follow-through, and repair tools that reduce defensiveness. The goal isn’t to make anyone “more normal.” It’s to help you work with your differences—so empathy grows, teamwork strengthens, and your bond gets measurably closer. STRENGTH-BASED: Our neurodiverse counseling model is strengths-based and neuro-affirming because that’s what works—well-supported in couples therapy and even more effective with neurodiverse couples. Instead of fixing “deficits,” we identify and deploy real assets—precision, honesty, loyalty, pattern recognition, creativity, deep focus—so they actively solve problems. This lowers shame, builds safety fast, and turns differences into shared tools: clearer signals and agreements, sensory fit instead of overload, and routines that reduce friction. The payoff is practical—fewer blowups, better follow-through, and a bond that strengthens because you’re using what you already do well, together. OUR TEAM: Our experts are deeply compassionate and dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples thrive. Three things set our team apart: Ongoing Specialized Training – All team members receive weekly training on neurodiversity-focused content, ensuring our approaches stay current and effective. Collaborative Case Support – We hold weekly supervision sessions, including case consultations, so that no couple’s challenges are handled in isolation—your therapist has a full team behind them. Continuous Professional Growth – Every therapist pursues ongoing continuing education in neurodiverse relationships, keeping us at the forefront of best practices. ASSESSMENTS: In addition to providing therapy, many of our clinicians are specially trained in conducting in-depth adult autism and ADHD assessments . If you’re seeking greater clarity or considering an in-depth evaluation, our team can guide you through the process with professionalism and care. INSURANCE — We are insurance-friendly. As an out-of-network provider, we will send you a Superbill for therapy services that you can submit to your insurance company for potential reimbursement. Please know that we do NOT bill insurance directly or participate as an in-network provider. For more information, please visit the "Insurance/Fee" section on our FAQ page. DIAGNOSIS OPTIONAL — You don’t need a diagnosis to get help with us. We can start with what’s happening now—communication loops, sensory needs, executive-function friction, meltdowns/shutdowns—and turn those patterns into clear agreements, better repairs, and real relief. If you’re in California and want a formal autism or ADHD evaluation , our licensed clinicians can provide it—but it’s not required to benefit. Either way, the goal is the same: less blame, more understanding, a stronger bond, and real individual healing. NOT A CRISIS SERVICE — We’re not a crisis service. If you’re ever in immediate danger, call 911. For urgent mental health support, call or text 988 or go to https://988lifeline.org Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is part of New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. WHO WE HELP We support neurodiverse couples and individuals nationwide through online therapy or coaching. Some common issues we help clients tackle include: Autism/ADHD differences Cassandra Syndrome Support Alexithymia Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Highly Sensitive People Parenting and co-parenting challenges Intimacy (both physical and emotional) Autism and ADHD assessments and self-screeners Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Recurring discussions about “tone,” initiative, alexithymia , or intimacy Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Discernment Counseling LEARN MORE 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation.

< Back Quick Guide - Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Tip: Want more resources? 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about sex and neurodiverse couples. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation. KEY FACTS Neurodiverse couples often face unique challenges around sex and intimacy , including but not limited to: Desire Imbalance : One partner may want sex more than the other, leading to frustration or shut downs. Sensory Differences : Sensitivity to touch, sound, or smell can make intimacy feel overwhelming or uncomfortable. Communication Barriers: Indirect or nonverbal cues can get misinterpreted, leading to disconnects around affection and desire. Different Experience Levels : Past trauma or limited exploration can create mismatched comfort with sexual closeness. Therapy with a neuro-affirming therapist can help couples explore key areas in order to help them strengthen their intimacy: Define Sex: Couples often hold very different views of what intimacy includes. Therapy creates space to explore these differences, reset expectations, and expand how partners connect. Enthusiastic Consent : Intimacy is only healthy when both partners truly want to be there. We help couples build safety around saying “no” and ensure consent is always clear and respected. You vs. Me: Autistic partners may unintentionally focus on their own needs, but with support, can learn to lovingly shift attention toward their partner’s experiences and desires. Emotional Intimacy: Sexual closeness struggles when non-sexual areas of the relationship feel tense . We work on restoring emotional safety first, so intimacy can thrive again. Your Body: Some sexual concerns are rooted in emotions, others in medical issues . We help couples reduce shame, collaborate with specialists when needed, and adapt intimacy in caring ways. Here are some practical tools you and your partner can use to strengthen intimacy and connection: Use a 1–10 scale to communicate different comfort levels with touch or sensations. Set up safe words to pause or stop when boundaries are crossed. Agree on what counts as non-sexual touch versus sexual touch. Discuss boundaries together and identify what feels off-limits. Break intimacy into step-by-step conversations , including how to explore new ideas or preferences. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQS) 1. What kinds of intimacy struggles are common in neurodiverse relationships? Answer: Many couples impacted by autism or ADHD experience challenges like mismatched desire, sensory differences, communication breakdowns, and emotional disconnection. These issues are real, but they can be addressed through counseling and practical strategies that help both partners feel more understood and connected. 2. How can therapy help if my partner and I define “sex” differently? Answer: It’s common for partners to hold different views of intimacy —for example, one may see sex only as intercourse, while the other includes different forms of touching. Therapy provides a safe space to explore these differences, reset expectations, and create a shared understanding that strengthens connection. 3. What does enthusiastic consent mean in neurodiverse couples counseling? Answer: Enthusiastic consent means both partners are fully comfortable and willing to engage in intimacy. For autistic partners, saying “no” can sometimes feel difficult, especially if they are overwhelmed. In therapy, couples learn how to express boundaries clearly and ensure intimacy only happens when both people genuinely want it. 4. Can emotional struggles outside the bedroom affect sexual intimacy? Answer: Yes. When a relationship is weighed down by frustration, anger, or misunderstanding in daily life, sex often becomes unfulfilling . Therapy works to restore emotional safety first, which lays the foundation for deeper intimacy and more satisfying sexual connection. 5. What are some strategies my partner and I could use to strengthen our intimacy? Answer: In therapy, couples learn practical tools they can also try at home. These include using a 1–10 scale to share comfort levels with touch, creating safe words to pause or stop when needed, negotiating a schedule for intimacy, clarifying boundaries, and discussing step-by-step preferences for new experiences. Last reviewed: Sep 17 2025 • Authors: Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT (Clinical Director) and Jasmyne Mena (Director of Clinical Research & Scientific Communications, Senior Medical Writer, Neurodiversity) REFERENCES Barnett, J. P., & Maticka-Tyndale, E. (2015). Qualitative exploration of sexual experiences among adults on the autism spectrum: Implications for sex education. Perspectives on Sexual and Reproductive Health, 47(4), 171–179. 10.1363/47e5715. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1363/47e5715 Hancock, G., Stokes, M. A., & Mesibov, G. (2020). Differences in romantic relationship experiences for individuals with an autism spectrum disorder. Sexuality and Disability , 38 (2), 231–245. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s11195-019-09573-8 Jones, A. C., Robinson, W. D., & Seedall, R. B. (2018). The Role of Sexual Communication in Couples’ Sexual Outcomes: A Dyadic Path Analysis. Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 44(4), 606–623. https://doi.org/10.1111/jmft.12282 Leitch, D. G. (2024). Towards a Culture of Care and Consent. Sexuality & Culture, 28(5), 1976–1993. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1007/s12119-024-10213-3 Mallory, A. B., Stanton, A. M., & Handy, A. B. (2019). Couples’ Sexual Communication and Dimensions of Sexual Function: A Meta-Analysis. The Journal of Sex Research, 56(7), 882–898. https://doi.org/10.1080/00224499.2019.1568375 Mües, H. M., Markert, C., Feneberg, A. C., & Nater, U. M. (2025). Too stressed for sex? Associations between stress and sex in daily life. Psychoneuroendocrinology, 181, Article 107583. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.psyneuen.2025.107583 Polo-Kantola, P., Manninen, S.-M., Vahlberg, T., & Kero, K. (2023). Patients with chronic diseases: is sexual health brought up by general practitioners during appointments? – A web-based study. Maturitas, 173, 33. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.maturitas.2023.04.055 Sala, G., Hooley, M., & Stokes, M. A. (2020a). Romantic intimacy in autism: A qualitative analysis. Journal of autism and developmental disorders, 50(11), 4133–4147. https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10803-020-04377-8 Sala, G., Hooley, J., Hooley, M., & Stokes, M. A. (2024). Comparing Physical Intimacy and Romantic Relationships of Autistic and Non-autistic Adults: A Qualitative Analysis. Journal of autism and developmental disorders, 54(10), 3942–3951. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10803-023-06109-0 Veasey, A. W. (2025). Exploring Experiences of Non-Sexual Physical Touch in Single- and Dual-Trauma Couples: An Interpretive Phenomenological Analysis. ProQuest Dissertations & Theses. https://www.proquest.com/docview/3226025748 Vowels, L. M., & Mark, K. P. (2020). Strategies for Mitigating Sexual Desire Discrepancy in Relationships. Archives of sexual behavior, 49(3), 1017–1028. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-020-01640-y . Voos A.C., Pelphrey K.A., Kaiser M.D. Autistic traits are associated with diminished neural response to affective touch. Soc. Cogn. Affect. Neurosci. 2013;8:378–386. https://academic.oup.com/scan/article/8/4/378/1623776 Willis, M., Murray, K. N., & Jozkowski, K. N. (2021). Sexual Consent in Committed Relationships: A Dyadic Study. Journal of sex & marital therapy, 47(7), 669–686. https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2021.1937417 Yew, R. Y., Hooley, M., & Stokes, M. A. (2023). Factors of relationship satisfaction for autistic and non-autistic partners in long-term relationships. Autism : the international journal of research and practice, 27(8), 13623613231160244. Advance online publication. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613231160244 WHY CHOOSE US? DEPTH OF TEAM — 30+ neuro-informed therapists and coaches. 16,000+ sessions each year. The world’s largest practice dedicated to neurodiverse couples and individuals—so you benefit from deep, proven experience. WE ARE NEURODIVERSE: More than 90% of our clinicians are neurodiverse themselves, bringing a firsthand understanding of autism, ADHD, and related experiences. This lived perspective, combined with professional training, allows us to provide both expertise and genuine compassion to help you thrive. OUR MODEL: We use a neurodiverse counseling model —practical, skills- based, and tailored to each couple. We don’t pathologize difference; we name neurodiverse traits as natural human variations in communication style, sensory needs, social energy, and executive functioning. Together, we map those patterns so both partners can see what’s really happening (not what they’re blaming each other for). From there, we translate insight into action: shared language for signals and needs, simple agreements for sensory fit, clear routines for planning and follow-through, and repair tools that reduce defensiveness. The goal isn’t to make anyone “more normal.” It’s to help you work with your differences—so empathy grows, teamwork strengthens, and your bond gets measurably closer. STRENGTH-BASED: Our neurodiverse counseling model is strengths-based and neuro-affirming because that’s what works—well-supported in couples therapy and even more effective with neurodiverse couples. Instead of fixing “deficits,” we identify and deploy real assets—precision, honesty, loyalty, pattern recognition, creativity, deep focus—so they actively solve problems. This lowers shame, builds safety fast, and turns differences into shared tools: clearer signals and agreements, sensory fit instead of overload, and routines that reduce friction. The payoff is practical—fewer blowups, better follow-through, and a bond that strengthens because you’re using what you already do well, together. OUR TEAM: Our experts are deeply compassionate and dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples thrive. Three things set our team apart: Ongoing Specialized Training – All team members receive weekly training on neurodiversity-focused content, ensuring our approaches stay current and effective. Collaborative Case Support – We hold weekly supervision sessions, including case consultations, so that no couple’s challenges are handled in isolation—your therapist has a full team behind them. Continuous Professional Growth – Every therapist pursues ongoing continuing education in neurodiverse relationships, keeping us at the forefront of best practices. ASSESSMENTS: In addition to providing therapy, many of our clinicians are specially trained in conducting in-depth adult autism and ADHD assessments . If you’re seeking greater clarity or considering an in-depth evaluation, our team can guide you through the process with professionalism and care. INSURANCE — We are insurance-friendly. As an out-of-network provider, we will send you a Superbill for therapy services that you can submit to your insurance company for potential reimbursement. Please know that we do NOT bill insurance directly or participate as an in-network provider. For more information, please visit the "Insurance/Fee" section on our FAQ page. DIAGNOSIS OPTIONAL — You don’t need a diagnosis to get help with us. We can start with what’s happening now—communication loops, sensory needs, executive-function friction, meltdowns/shutdowns—and turn those patterns into clear agreements, better repairs, and real relief. If you’re in California and want a formal autism or ADHD evaluation , our licensed clinicians can provide it—but it’s not required to benefit. Either way, the goal is the same: less blame, more understanding, a stronger bond, and real individual healing. NOT A CRISIS SERVICE — We’re not a crisis service. If you’re ever in immediate danger, call 911. For urgent mental health support, call or text 988 or go to https://988lifeline.org Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is part of New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. WHO WE HELP We support neurodiverse couples and individuals nationwide through online therapy or coaching. Some common issues we help clients tackle include: Autism/ADHD differences Cassandra Syndrome Support Alexithymia Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Highly Sensitive People Parenting and co-parenting challenges Intimacy (both physical and emotional) Autism and ADHD assessments and self-screeners Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Recurring discussions about “tone,” initiative, alexithymia , or intimacy Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Discernment Counseling LEARN MORE 📖 Read our full Article on Neurodiverse Sex Therapy for an overview of challenges, therapy approaches, and more. 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about sex and neurodiverse couples.

< Back Quick Guide - Communication in Neurodiverse Relationships Tip: Want more resources? 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about communication between neurodiverse partners. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation. KEY FACTS Misunderstandings Between Neurodiverse Couples: Partners in neurodiverse relationships often feel like they are speaking different languages. While it may seem like the other person “just doesn’t get it,” many times this disconnect is simply a result of different communication styles. Different Styles, Different Approaches: Communication differences can create confusion when partners expect the other to “speak their language.” Common communication styles include: Logical vs. Emotional: One partner may prioritize facts, while the other seeks emotional connection—leading to missed signals of care or support. Concrete vs. Abstract: A concrete thinker may prefer clear instructions, while an abstract thinker uses ideas and metaphors—causing things to feel unclear or overly literal. Absolutist vs. Relativistic: An absolutist may speak in firm “always/never” terms, while a relativistic partner sees shades of gray—making discussions feel rigid to one and vague to the other. Conflict-Avoidant vs. Conflict-Insistent: One partner may shut down to keep peace, while the other pushes for resolution—fueling frustration on both sides. The Double Empathy Problem describes how both autistic and neurotypical partners can struggle to understand each other’s perspectives. It’s not a “deficit” in one person—it’s a two-way misunderstanding caused by different communication and emotional styles. Counseling helps bridge this gap so both partners feel heard and valued. Personal Filters Shape Messages: Past experiences, current mood, defensiveness, and expectations can all act as filters. These filters change how words are sent, heard, and understood. Recurring Patterns of Conflict: Many couples find themselves stuck in repeating cycles of miscommunication and negativity. Shifting the view to “us versus the pattern ” rather than “me versus you” creates more space for teamwork. Practical Strategies That Help: Pause and Reflect: Notice repeating conflict patterns and choose a different response. Make Time to Process: Slow down, agree on an approach, and affirm each other’s effort. Start with Intention: Open conversations with a calm, non-critical statement of purpose. Write It Down: Express thoughts in writing or take notes while listening to support clarity. Set Regular Check-Ins: Schedule consistent times to talk, even briefly, to build trust and routine. Counseling Supports Growth: With the help of a trained therapist, couples can learn to recognize their patterns, practice new strategies in a safe space, and strengthen understanding. Therapy that focuses on client strengths is especially helpful for neurodiverse communication as it helps partners identify and build on what they already do well, rather than focusing only on deficits. FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS (FAQS) 1. Why does it sometimes feel like we’re speaking different languages? Answer: Because partners in neurodiverse relationships often use very different communication styles (logical vs. emotional, concrete vs. abstract, etc.). What feels natural to one may feel confusing or frustrating to the other. 2. Does this mean one of us is wrong or “bad” at communication? Answer: No. Misunderstandings aren’t about right or wrong. They come from mismatched styles, expectations, and filters —not from one partner being at fault. 3. Why do we keep having the same arguments over and over? Answer: Many couples fall into repeating cycles of conflict and negativity. Without realizing it, you may both be reacting to patterns rather than to each other in the present moment. Learning to press pause and see it as “us versus the pattern” helps break the cycle. 4. What are some practical tools we can try right now? Answer: Write out thoughts before talking for clarity. Start conversations with a calm, non-critical intention statement. Take notes while listening to stay focused. Schedule consistent times to check in, even if brief. 5. Can counseling really help with communication issues? Answer: Yes. Strengths-based therapy has been shown to be especially helpful for neurodiverse communication as it helps partners identify and build on what they already do well, rather than focusing only on deficits. Counseling gives couples a structured, supportive space to build their communication skills. Last reviewed: Sep 11, 2025 • Authors: Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT (Clinical Director) and Jasmyne Mena (Director of Clinical Research & Scientific Communications, Senior Medical Writer, Neurodiversity) REFERENCES Edge, J. J., & Parker, S. (2025). “He was very confusing to me in the beginning”: a qualitative exploration of the romantic relationship experiences of neurotypical individuals with autistic partners. SN Social Sciences, 5(3), Article 22. https://doi.org/10.1007/s43545-025-01048-2 Merolla, A. J., Otmar, C. D., & Salehuddin, A. S. (2025). Past Relational Experiences and Social Interaction: Direct, Moderated, and Mediated Associations Between Relational Difficulty, Communication, and Perception in Two Samples. Communication Research, 52(3), 346–374. https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/00936502231162232 McDowell, C. N., Bryant, M. E., & Parker, M. L. (2023). Decoding Neurodiverse Couples Therapy: A Solution-Focused Approach. Sexuality & Disability , 41 (2), 255–273. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1007/s11195-022-09765-9 Mitchell, P., Sheppard, E. and Cassidy, S. (2021), Autism and the double empathy problem: Implications for development and mental health. Br J Dev Psychol, 39: 1-18. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjdp.12350 Ramos Salazar, L. (2015). The negative reciprocity process in marital relationships: A literature review. Aggression and Violent Behavior, 24, 113–119. https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S1359178915000701 Overton, A. R., & Lowry, A. C. (2013). Conflict management: difficult conversations with difficult people. Clinics in colon and rectal surgery , 26 (4), 259–264. h ttps://doi.org/10.1055/s-0033-1356728 Williams, D. L., Mazefsky, C. A., Walker, J. D., Minshew, N. J., & Goldstein, G. (2014). Associations between conceptual reasoning, problem solving, and adaptive ability in high-functioning autism. Journal of autism and developmental disorders , 44 (11), 2908–2920. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6067678/ WHY CHOOSE US? DEPTH OF TEAM — 30+ neuro-informed therapists and coaches. 16,000+ sessions each year. The world’s largest practice dedicated to neurodiverse couples and individuals—so you benefit from deep, proven experience. WE ARE NEURODIVERSE: More than 90% of our clinicians are neurodiverse themselves, bringing a firsthand understanding of autism, ADHD, and related experiences. This lived perspective, combined with professional training, allows us to provide both expertise and genuine compassion to help you thrive. OUR MODEL: We use a neurodiverse counseling model —practical, skills- based, and tailored to each couple. We don’t pathologize difference; we name neurodiverse traits as natural human variations in communication style, sensory needs, social energy, and executive functioning. Together, we map those patterns so both partners can see what’s really happening (not what they’re blaming each other for). From there, we translate insight into action: shared language for signals and needs, simple agreements for sensory fit, clear routines for planning and follow-through, and repair tools that reduce defensiveness. The goal isn’t to make anyone “more normal.” It’s to help you work with your differences—so empathy grows, teamwork strengthens, and your bond gets measurably closer. STRENGTH-BASED: Our neurodiverse counseling model is strengths-based and neuro-affirming because that’s what works—well-supported in couples therapy and even more effective with neurodiverse couples. Instead of fixing “deficits,” we identify and deploy real assets—precision, honesty, loyalty, pattern recognition, creativity, deep focus—so they actively solve problems. This lowers shame, builds safety fast, and turns differences into shared tools: clearer signals and agreements, sensory fit instead of overload, and routines that reduce friction. The payoff is practical—fewer blowups, better follow-through, and a bond that strengthens because you’re using what you already do well, together. OUR TEAM: Our experts are deeply compassionate and dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples thrive. Three things set our team apart: Ongoing Specialized Training – All team members receive weekly training on neurodiversity-focused content, ensuring our approaches stay current and effective. Collaborative Case Support – We hold weekly supervision sessions, including case consultations, so that no couple’s challenges are handled in isolation—your therapist has a full team behind them. Continuous Professional Growth – Every therapist pursues ongoing continuing education in neurodiverse relationships, keeping us at the forefront of best practices. ASSESSMENTS: In addition to providing therapy, many of our clinicians are specially trained in conducting in-depth adult autism and ADHD assessments . If you’re seeking greater clarity or considering an in-depth evaluation, our team can guide you through the process with professionalism and care. INSURANCE — We are insurance-friendly. As an out-of-network provider, we will send you a Superbill for therapy services that you can submit to your insurance company for potential reimbursement. Please know that we do NOT bill insurance directly or participate as an in-network provider. For more information, please visit the "Insurance/Fee" section on our FAQ page. DIAGNOSIS OPTIONAL — You don’t need a diagnosis to get help with us. We can start with what’s happening now—communication loops, sensory needs, executive-function friction, meltdowns/shutdowns—and turn those patterns into clear agreements, better repairs, and real relief. If you’re in California and want a formal autism or ADHD evaluation , our licensed clinicians can provide it—but it’s not required to benefit. Either way, the goal is the same: less blame, more understanding, a stronger bond, and real individual healing. NOT A CRISIS SERVICE — We’re not a crisis service. If you’re ever in immediate danger, call 911. For urgent mental health support, call or text 988 or go to https://988lifeline.org Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is part of New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. WHO WE HELP We support neurodiverse couples and individuals nationwide through online therapy or coaching. Some common issues we help clients tackle include: Autism/ADHD differences Cassandra Syndrome Support Alexithymia Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) Highly Sensitive People Parenting and co-parenting challenges Intimacy (both physical and emotional) Autism and ADHD assessments and self-screeners Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Recurring discussions about “tone,” initiative, alexithymia , or intimacy Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) Discernment Counseling LEARN MORE 📖 Check out our FAQs section if you have a specific question about communication between neurodiverse partners. Reach out now to get matched with an expert and schedule a free consultation.