< Back Inna Kuchmenko Neurodiverse Couples My first introduction to working with neurodiversity was in the role of a child therapist using Mindfulness and nature’s healing potential to help children on the Spectrum learn how to regulate their emotions. Teaching young children to self-regulate taught me, first and foremost, that I needed to self-regulate first. In my work from a strength-based perspective, I learned about the richness of neurodiverse individuals and the incredible power my empathy had in unlocking their inner abilities and capacities for relating to themselves and others. How did I do this? I listened. I attuned. I felt with them. I refrained from teaching, coaching, or fixing. ​ Fostering Connection: When I work with neurodiverse couples, I model and invite couples to practice how to attune to each other. Attunement is not just listening. It is listening with heart. When we are emotionally available, responsive, and engaged with one another, deeper conversations can and do happen. When we make sense of our own and our partner’s actions and words in the framework of compassion and from a perspective of goodness, we begin to tap into the richness of difference and into the deep well of our human ability to relate. ​ Improving Communication: At times I may act as a neuro-bio-psychosocial interpreter, helping a neuro-normative partner make sense and understand their neuro-diverse spouse. Other times, I coach a neurodiverse partner to express the depth and richness of their inner world in a way that their neuro-normative partner can receive. You may wonder why this has been challenging to do in your couple relationship. The answer is pace. The pace of our lives is much too fast and linear, driven by goals and time schedules. In therapy, we slow down, we breathe together, and we create a pocket in time where everything – your thoughts, feelings and sensations can come to the surface. We take our time. I trust in the process of us showing up each week to celebrate how far you have come in your relationship, the foundation of your initial attraction to each other and your inner capacities to grow and change in relationship. ​ Making Sense of Neurodiversity: I will share with you what I know about the neurobiology, physiology, and science of neurodiversity and neurotypicality and I will learn from you as a couple, your unique challenges, and your desired areas of improvement. I am a co-creator of your experience, a skilled companion on your couple journey. I am an expert in some areas of counseling and psychology, but I trust that you are the experts in your relationship. Let’s see what we can co-create together! ​ ​ ABOUT ME: I am an Associate Marriage and Family Therapist who received her graduate degree in Counseling Psychology from California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco, CA. ​ MY ROOTS: My therapeutic style is optimistic and positive, rooted in my life as a partner, daughter, friend, and mother. My presence stems from having experienced, survived, and healed from a tragic loss of a parent, immigration, two marriages, domestic violence, and divorce. I am a mother of a spirited 6-year-old who has taught him every day since birth about loving deeply, forgiving quickly, and letting go fully. My personal experiences in motherhood and co-parenting under challenging life circumstances have given me the wisdom and ease with which I approach couples and family work. And my decision to become a couples therapist came from empathizing with my intergenerationally-wounded parents and grandparents who deeply loved one another yet struggled to speak each other’s love languages. ​ THE PROCESS OF COUPLES HEALING: I see my role as helping couples become more relational through untangling from relational patterns which may have helped them survive in their families of origin and previous relationships but are no longer serving them in the context of their current couple. My hope for couples is to get to a place where they no longer need me and are thriving in relationship with each other. ​ This journey from surviving to thriving is at the heart of my vision for a fulfilling couple hood. I have worked with couples who experience relational conflict due to major life transitions, neurodiversity, blending a family, lack of intimacy, parenting and co-parenting differences, aging and illness, infidelity, loss of desire, substance use, cultural differences, and life/work imbalances. Together, we discover and unearth the resiliency within and learn to draw on that inner wisdom as we weather the storms with minimal damages to the relationship. ​ Other areas of focus (in addition to Neurodiversity): Couples going through life transitions Blended families Parenting and Co-parenting Coaching Communication/Intimacy Sex, sexuality, and desire Pre-engagement and pre-marital Family of Origin Work Couples struggling with Trauma Cross-Cultural couples Neurodiverse Retreats Inna Kuchmenko specializes in virtual couples retreats offered over Zoom or in-person couples retreats in Northern California. ​ Clients: Couples, Families, Children and Adults. Modalities: Attachment-based, Trauma-informed, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Mindful Self-Compassion, Relational Life Therapy (RLT), Imago, Psychodynamic-Relational, Internal Family Systems, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Gestalt, Positive Psychology, Art Therapy, Play Therapy, Solution-Focused Therapy, Person-Centered Therapy, Humanistic Approach. Languages: Fluent in Russian, Ukrainian and English ​ ​License: Registered Associate, AMFT #120631 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452​ Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc. Specialty areas: Cassandra, Sex-Kink-Poly, Trans, Parenting, LGBTQIA+, Sex, Couples Retreat, Neurodiverse Couples, Autism, Parenting Neurodiversity, Children, ADHD, Buddist - Spiritual, Teens Reach Out Now First name Last name Email If you have a therapist(s) already in mind, include their names here: Send Thanks for reaching out! We will respond within 24 hours.

< Back Alexandra McGee Alexandra's Story Academics & Theater During my childhood and adolescent years, academics was my thing: I was a National Merit Scholar before going to UC Berkeley and graduating from the English department with honors. I went on to teach high school literature, college English writing, and AP English Language and Composition classes for 10 years. ​ I also loved theater in high school and had the roles of Eliza Doolittle (Pygmalion by George Bernard Shaw) and Adelaide (Guys and Dolls) my junior and senior years at South Pasadena High School, in greater Los Angeles. ​ Later in life I trained in body theatrical expression (Mime) at the Warsaw School of Modern Mime in Poland. For seven years I trained over 100 young people from the Americas, Europe and the Middle East to perform in troupes of 6-12 mimes on the streets of Izmir and Istanbul, Turkey. Our mostly original skits were about love, community, self-awareness and appreciating the beauty of life even while experiencing it differently than others do. ​ I was living an undiagnosed journey on the spectrum as I sought to find a place for myself through academia and art. ​ Marriage & Family I married my Neurodiverse diagnosed husband just after graduating from college. In our signature "go big or go home" way we had 5 children in 6 years and then took them all to Turkey, where we lived for 16 years. While my husband had an international trading company, we also sought to spread God's love and love for humanity among a people who already manifested great reverence and warm community among themselves. ​ Our street theater was successfully impactful mainly because the people of Turkey already engaged in serious love for God and care for their neighbors. Although we returned to the US when our youngest went to college, the Turks have the biggest place in my heart, because that is where I learned to live in community with love, grace and kindness. I have "big sisters" there, strangers, acquaintances, neighbors and friends, who taught me how to live present, with generosity, to everyone around me.​ ​ After returning to the States in 2013, we put our youngest in college, saw our second child married, moved near our first married child and our first grandbaby, and provided launching pads for our 3rd and 4th children as they graduated from college and went to work in business and teaching. My 4th offspring is now a special needs teacher in the Orange County public schools. We have 8 beautiful, talented and smart grandchildren, some diagnosed and undiagnosed neurodiverse. ​ Neurodiverse Diagnosis My neurodiverse diagnosis has helped explain so much of my life to me . The pain I felt when I seemed to dance to a different drum beat than everyone around me, the reactive behaviors I expressed when others stepped on my sensitive feelings, the stress and pain in my body as I tried to accommodate a physically unaccommodating world, and the uneven opportunities my brilliance gave me, were all revealed as perfectly normal experiences of a Neurodiverse person. ​ Intimacy From the Inside Out couples therapy training gave me an understanding of how the different parts of me interact with the different parts of my husband. The clashes between our sensitivities and defensive postures are understood better now, and these different parts of us are able to relax as we hold space for each other, instead of trying to fix one another. ​ My Passion I started my second MA in my early 50s and will complete my PhD in my early 60s (well, that's the plan). Psychology and especially the connectedness between our psyches , our brains and our bodies has become my new special interest . With several years under my belt of working with individuals and couples, many of whom were Neurodiverse with diagnosed ASD, ADHD, OCD and DID, as well as comorbid personality disorders, I am excited to start working with a focus on the Neurodiverse community. ​ Main Areas of Focus As Dick Schwartz says, "There are no bad parts", only parts of us that have developed highly skilled but sometimes abrasive defenses against a world that doesn't support neurodiversity. I help my Individual, Couples and Adolescent Clients find healing and, through awareness and self-compassion, to transform the behaviors of these good intentioned parts to voices of advocacy and support for their needs that they may find courage to step into their specific interests in work and love. ​ Neurodiverse Couples I love working with couples. I have had a 72 hour training with Intimacy from the Inside Out. IFIO stresses the need to understand the unique ways each person in the relationship is showing up to meet the different ways their partner shows up. As we search for those parts of us that seem to be creating conflict, we learn to listen to the wounds that they protect, as well as their good-intentioned purposes and are able to update these parts to more collaborative ways of relating. This works in all relationships, including parent-child, boss-employee, neighbor-neighbor and within ourselves. Sometimes we are our worst critic and that critic needs help on how to give constructive criticism! ​ Cassandra Therapy While therapy is not a place to fix your partner, there are times when an individual may need help from a therapist to understand their part in a relationship with a neurodiverse partner. Since my partner and I are both neurodiverse, I feel a lot of empathy for the partner who is seeking to work out these differences, as well as an inside track on what the neurodiverse partner may be dealing with. ​ Here are 4 goals of therapy for a client who is trying to do better with a partner who is neurodivergent from themself: Awareness of the parts of the client that come up in reaction to their partner and awareness of the parts of their partner that most trigger them. Healing for wounds that have come up in the relationship - this often must also take into account the root of the vulnerabilities of the client, which often stem back to wounding in childhood. Ability to differentiate between the partner’s neurodiverse traits and the parts of them that are defensive behaviors due to past trauma. Updating of the client’s own defensive parts so that they can adopt more mature and adaptive responses to their partner’s behavior. ​ A key element of growth in the relationship in this kind of therapy is the realization that therapy is never about changing your partner, but rather changing your response to your partner. It is true, however, that the more clear boundaries there are and the more vulnerability there is on your part, as well as an authentic self showing up, your partner will sometimes see your model and begin to mirror it. ​ Individual Therapy I also serve individual clients who are neurodiverse. The IFS model has proven effective for helping clients notice the neurodiverse parts of themselves, which includes sensitivities and brain processing differences, for the purpose of supporting them better and encouraging the strengths to emerge. There also is healing to be found in therapy for the wounds that most neurodiverse people have gotten from the environment that doesn’t accept or understand them, as well as self-inflicted wounds of shame or criticism. This two pronged approach, of working with neurodiverse traits and with wounded parts, is what facilitates growth for the client. When addressing the question of masking it is important to ask: What is the purpose of this mask? Is it adaptive to the current environment of the client? Does it have limitations that need to be acknowledged, boundaries that need to be set up so that it doesn’t get overwhelmed? Or is it a mask that is an outdated defensive move that needs healing of the original wound as well as updating to the current life of the client and a transformation to a more adaptive behavior? ​ Modalities Internal Family Systems Therapy Psychodynamic Relational Psychotherapy Jungian Psychotherapy Somatic Psychotherapy Neurobiology Psychoeducation License Registered AMFT # 126908 Registered APCC #9914 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc. Specialty areas: Internal Family Systems, Autism, Neurodiverse Couples, Assessment, Christian, LGBTQIA+, Sex, Parenting Neurodiversity, Parenting, Trans Reach Out Now First name Last name Email If you have a therapist(s) already in mind, include their names here: Send Thanks for reaching out! We will respond within 24 hours.

NEURODIVERSE COMMUNICATION Speaking Different Languages? Why do we feel like we are speaking different languages when we try to talk to each other? Do your partner's words sound like "blah blah blah...", where you are not really hearing each other? What hijacks our ability to communicate effectively? ​ Do your conversations sound like: ​ Tammy: Look at me when I talk to you. ​ Tim: I am trying to but you're not making any sense. You said to walk the dog as soon as I felt like it. I never felt like it. ​ Tammy: You know that the dog needs a walk every day. ​ Tim: But you never said that. ​ Show More Want to Neuro-informed Support? Sign up to receive weekly tips, tools and cutting edge info First Name Last name Email Send Thank you! What's Your Communication Style? ​ The neurodiverse and neurotypical communication styles can be broken down as follows: ​ Logical vs. Emotional Concrete vs Abstract Absolutist vs. Relative Avoidant vs. Insistent ​ Furthermore, we send and receive information through the following filters : ​​ our expectations and stereotypes, our wounds or defensiveness, our past experiences, and our mood at the moment. ​ It is clear that many powerful forces color the way we hear our partner and express ourselves. COMMUNICATION STRATEGIES Our therapists are equipped with special tools and strategies to support you as you learn to communicate across the neurodivide. Some of the… Show More Schedule a Free Consult Now Double Empathy Problem ​ The Double Empathy Problem is a concept that has been gaining more attention in recent years, particularly in relation to Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). It refers to the idea that both neurotypical individuals and autistic individuals may struggle to understand each other’s perspectives, leading to communication breakdowns and misunderstandings. ​ Origins of the Double Empathy Problem: The Double Empathy Problem was first proposed by Damian Milton, a researcher and autistic activist, in his 2012 paper “On the Ontological Status of Autism: The ‘Double Empathy Problem’”. Milton argued that the traditional approach to autism research and intervention, which focuses on identifying and treating deficits in autistic individuals, fails to take into account the role of social and cultural context in shaping communication and interaction. According to Milton, both neurotypical and autistic individuals have their own unique sets of social and communicative norms, and failure to understand and… Show More < Back Share your story and we'll help you find the right neuro-inormed expert to talk to. First name Last name Email Phone Send Thank you! Previous Next Back to Top

NEURODIVERSE COUPLES COUNSELING UNDERSTANDING NEURODIVERSE COUPLES ​ ​​NEURODIVERSITY MAGNET Initially, an autistic partner (Autism Spectrum or "AS") and a neurotypical partner feel a strong initial attraction to each other and couple up. ​ The neurotypical may be attracted to the AS partner's stability, focus and intelligence. The AS partner may appreciate the neurotypical helping him or her navigate social situations. The neurotypical may be the AS partner's special interest , at least during the dating period. Typically, the neurotypical soaks up the attention. They may view themselves as complementary, a perfect fit - like a "magnet" has pulled them together. ​ DIFFERENCES TURN INTO DYSFUNCTIONAL PATTERNS ​ Yet, it is easy for these neurological… Show More Want to Neuro-informed Support? Sign up to receive weekly tips, tools and cutting edge info First Name Last name Email Send Thank you! THERAPY FOR NEURODIVERSE COUPLES ​ EMPATHY IS POSSIBLE Therapists who are not experienced with neurodiversity often tell clients married to Autistic adults that their partner cannot feel empathy and cannot truly love. This is dangerous feedback because it is simply not true. Although Autistic partners may process feelings differently , the are fully capable of empathy and love. ​ Autistic adults are often shocked to find that their partner’s faith in their love and loyalty could be compromised by a forgotten good-bye or missed eye-contact. Most typical AS clients feel empathy but often need a structured process to receive the feelings from his… Show More Schedule a Free Consult Now CHANGE IS POSSIBLE!! When a couple understand their differences and accept them, they will finally stop resisting change. This can feel like a tremendous relief. Even though both partners usually think the other one needs to change, you both will start to make changes that you never expected. This is where most NT partners think, "Yes, I can change but my partner won't." Despite your worry that your AS partner is rigid and focused on himself, most AS clients that we work with will put in tremendous efforts to change in the context of accepting, neuro-informed therapy and the support from his spouse. ​ Please know that autism is NOT a fixed condition that locks someone into the same behaviors throughout life. It is subject to the same forces of change that occur in anyone’s life. Understanding this provides the ray of hope to break painful entrenched patterns of interaction. ​​ Show More < Back Share your story and we'll help you find the right neuro-inormed expert to talk to. First name Last name Email Phone Send Thank you! Previous Next Back to Top