Meet our neurodiversity-affirming counselors and coaches for autism, ADHD, and AuDHD couples, individuals, and teens. Find the right fit for you. < Back Tamala Takahashi Not accepting new clients See our other clinicians or Fill our our contact form to get matched About Tamala: Hi there! I was late-diagnosed ADHD (inattentive) at age 49. Two of my three adult children were also diagnosed with ADHD in their late teens/early 20’s. My oldest child is undiagnosed, however they are likely autistic/ADHD as well. My husband of 27 years is late-diagnosed with AuDHD (at age 48). After a fulfilling first career in nonprofit consulting, I decided to focus on helping couples heal and grow in their relationships. Today, I specialize in guiding couples to reconnect, improve communication, and build healthier, more fulfilling partnerships. I am sharing this with you because I believe it will help me understand and support you. I look forward to hearing from you. Navigating Neurodiverse Relationships Neurodiverse couples work is about building communication and coping skills that work best in this particular relationship while maintaining one’s autonomy and individual self. In neurodiverse relationships, clients may have difficulty understanding each other, may be unsure what is OK and not OK to do or say, may feel lonely or annoyed, and may feel like fights and conversations continue to go around and around without resolution. My goal with couples is to meet both individuals where they are at and to assist each individual identify their needs and wants, articulate them, and respond when their partner does the same. The couple decides where they want to go with the relationship and works best for them. And in this process, I hold space, grace, and validation for each individual’s experience in how they process the world as well as the emotional lessons they have learned from their past. You Are NOT Alone The neurodiverse experience can feel lonely. Whether you are neurodiverse or have a neurodiverse partner/family member, it can feel like you are expected to behave a certain way and say certain things, or that no matter how hard you try, you can’t do it right. Maybe you feel like there are things that just don’t make sense but nobody else can see it. That struggle can feel so lonely. My intention in therapy is to provide a space where you are no longer alone. Whether in couples or individual therapy, I am there to support you and hold space for your lived experiences. You Can Do This You have made it to this moment. Congratulations! But I’m guessing those coping skills you developed aren’t working as well anymore and you’re looking for something to help navigate life and relationships. The good news is that you can learn new skills that are more appropriate to your life now. You did it before, and you can do it again. I believe all of us have the capacity to heal and improve our inner lives. That said, it can sometimes be difficult to do this work alone, let alone know what to do at all. That’s where therapy can be a bridge to confidence and a calmer inner world . When humans work together interdependently, we can go further and do better than we can do alone. My position as a therapist is to support my clients in this journey to inner strength and groundedness . My Therapeutic Philosophy While it seems like today we have more understanding of (neuro)diversity, more grace and compassion for each other, and more freedom to move about the cabin without masking, we also live in the modern world where we witness folks’ lives on full display to be judged on social media, where we are told we can do anything yet can receive harsh criticism for not being perfect, and where there is a lingering feeling of uncertainty of the future. This mixed messaging can be destabilizing. In addition, our sense of self and perceptions of others are derived from a combination of our personal experiences (including trauma and triumphs), what we learned from our caretakers, the lessons from other authority figures, society’s messages, and our neurobiology. This mixture is unique to each individual. How we process information therefore has an impact on how we perceive and interact with ourselves and others. I believe a therapist’s role is to provide stability while the client(s) works through uncertainty, reality checks the lessons they learned in life, tries something new, and finds a healthy path to what it looks like for them to be grounded. The specifics will look different for each client(s), but all sessions are built around the principles of acceptance, patience, and kindness. I work collaboratively with the client(s) to identify areas of focus and what works best for them from their perspective. In our 50-min. sessions, therapy goals are usually a combination of gaining clarity, self-awareness, self-compassion, and coping skills. When working with couples or families, communication skills are a significant part of the work as well . Areas of focus Adult diagnosed/suspected ADHD/Autism/AuDHD ADHD/AuDHD with anxiety and depression Women/Non-binary with ADHD/AuDHD cPTSD and Trauma Adolescent diagnosed/suspected ADHD/Autism/AuDHD Parents of adolescent/adult neurodiverse children Childhood emotional neglect/emotional abuse Adult neurodiverse relationships with parents and other family members Empty nest/menopause transitions Multi-cultural relationships/families Intersection of neurodiversity and LGBTQ+ Young adult launching (college, early career, living away from parents, adult relationships) Self Esteem and Assertiveness Social media/video game addiction Religious/cult abuse recovery Modalities Client-centered Therapy Trauma Informed Therapy (CTP certified) Solution Focused Therapy Strengths-Based Approach Acceptance Commitment Therapy (ACT) Somatic Therapy for Trauma Tarot Therapy Positive Psychology Relationship Anarchy approach: anti-hierarchical practices (everyone in the relationship is equal) anti-normativity (every relationship’s success criteria is unique to them) interdependency (partners can share feelings and needs openly and safely) individual autonomy (each partner is a complete human on their own) License & Certifications Registered Associate Marriage Family Therapist, AMFT Registered Professional Clinical Counselor Certified Trauma Professional (CTP) Education Master of Arts in Clinical Psychology, Antioch University of Los Angeles Employment Information Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc . Specialty Areas: Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Neurodiverse Couples, Autism, Sex/Physical Intimacy, Teens, ADHD, Emotional Intimacy, Communication, Not Accepting New Clients, Attachment, AuDHD, LGBTQIA+, Trauma Tamala Takahashi Take an Autism Test

Meet our neurodiversity-affirming counselors and coaches for autism, ADHD, and AuDHD couples, individuals, and teens. Find the right fit for you. < Back Danielle Grossman, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist | Neurodiverse Couples Specialist | Supervisor Welcome! Hi, I’m Danielle. I specialize in working with neurodiverse couples who care deeply for each other but often feel stuck, misunderstood, or disconnected. If you’ve been struggling to bridge the gap between your experiences, communication styles, or emotional needs, you’re not alone—and you’re not doing anything wrong. In our work together, we’ll explore what’s getting in the way of connection and build new ways of understanding, relating, and supporting each other —without asking either of you to change who you are. How do you bring two people whose minds, bodies, nervous systems and brains interpret the world and express themselves in very different ways, toward mutual understanding and connection? That is what we figure out together. “What we have here is a failure to communicate” - movie ‘Cool Hand Luke’ My Journey Towards Therapy I graduated from Yale University with a degree in Ethics, Politics, and Economics. After years of exploration and travel, I discovered my passion for psychology and earned my Master’s in Integral Counseling Psychology at the California Institute of Integral Studies in San Francisco. My approach integrates the latest in neuroscience and psychological research with somatic awareness, meditative traditions, and social justice. I am always learning and evolving—both from my clients and from the ever-deepening fields of trauma and neurodiversity. My work has expanded over the years to include consulting internationally with other therapists , allowing me to continue refining and sharing what I learn. A Unique Approach to Neurodiverse Relationships Relationships where one or both partners are neurodivergent can be rich and rewarding—but they also come with unique challenges. Communication breakdowns, sensory mismatches, emotional disconnect, and conflicting needs can leave couples feeling isolated or misunderstood. When I work with neurodiverse couples, we explore how two brilliant but very different minds can build bridges of empathy, clarity, and connection. My role is to help you understand each other better—not to change who you are, but to shift the patterns that are causing pain. What Working Together Looks Like By the time couples come to see me, many are caught in painful cycles of miscommunication, frustration, and disconnection. But the truth is: patterns can change , even when people stay exactly who they are. Together, we work toward: Greater emotional and sensory safety Clearer communication and conflict resolution Stronger mutual understanding More intimacy, joy, and respect Calmer nervous systems and better co-regulation A deeper sense of partnership Some couples want to focus on deep emotional work; others need practical help with daily stressors like parenting, budgeting, or task-sharing. Most find a blend of both is ideal. I adapt to your needs and pace—and your feedback always guides the process. How I Can Support You As a Couple Neurodiverse couples therapy with me can include: Individual check-ins as part of the couples framework Support for relationship-specific challenges (conflict, intimacy, parenting) Guidance through life stressors (chronic illness, fertility, grief, career changes) Referrals to trusted colleagues for individual therapy if needed If you or your partner identifies as neurodivergent, or you’re a neurotypical partner trying to understand your neurodivergent loved one, I’m here to help you move toward connection and compassion—without losing yourselves. Life Stressors and Your Relationship Relationships do not take place in a bubble. My work with couples can include supporting you as a couple with a range of life stressors: Addiction (substance use and behavioral) Problems with food and eating Dealing with narcissistic or toxic people in your lives Deciding whether to have a child or more children Fertility issues Postpartum anxiety and depression Anxiety and depression associated with the menopause transition Chronic illness or medical problems Career transitions Aging parents Death of loved ones Children going through crises or developmental challenges Balancing time between athletics, special interests and relationships Managing difficult interpersonal aspects of your work environment Individual Therapy for Neurodivergent Adults In addition to couples work, I offer individual therapy —especially for adults who identify as neurodivergent or feel “wired differently” from the world around them My approach is always tailored to you —your brain, your body, your experiences, and your goals. Many of my clients come to therapy feeling confused about why life feels so hard, even when they're trying their best. You might feel stuck between what you know you're capable of and what feels possible in everyday life. You might be navigating anxiety, burnout, shame, unstable self-esteem, or patterns of self-blame that have taken root after years of being misunderstood. In our work together, we’ll gently uncover the patterns —emotional, cognitive, and nervous system-based—that have helped you survive, but may no longer be serving you. We’ll explore practical tools for s elf-regulation, build self-compassion, and work toward relationships and routines that actually support who you are. We’ll go deep—but we’ll also stay grounded in the realities of your life, your stressors, and your hopes for change. Education M.A. in Integral Counseling Psychology – California Institute of Integral Studies B.A. in Ethics, Politics & Economics – Yale University Approaches & Modalities Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) Somatic Psychology Psychodynamic Theory Mindfulness & Meditative Practices Trauma-Informed Therapy License & Employment Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #42516 Clinical Supervisor - New Path Family of Therapy Centers Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Cassandra Syndrome, Sex/Physical Intimacy, Communication, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Eating & Autism, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Accepting New Individual Clients Only Danielle Grossman Take an Autism Test

One-on-one and group support for Cassandra Syndrome (neurotypical partners who are in relationships with someone on the spectrum). We help you feel understood and are here to encourage self-care and provide practical advice. SUPPORT FOR NEUROTYPICALS < Back THE NEUROTYPICAL EXPERIENCE Because the person with autism does not have the same relational needs as the allistic partner, he or she is often unable to instinctively recognize the emotional needs of his or her partner and may feel ill-equipped to meet them. Relationships can thus form seriously dysfunctional patterns. RELATIONSHIP OF CONVENIENCE? People who do not have autism enter a relationship with the normal expectation that the priority of a relationship will be about togetherness, mutual terms and meeting of needs, but in reality, the relationship ends up feeling like one of practicality and convenience for the person with autism. For those who had typical expectations of the mutuality of marriage,… Show More

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Harry Motro, PsyD, Clinical Director, LMFT Listen to the Summary below: Listen to a podcast-style audio summary of this research. It’s an excellent way to digest these new findings quickly. Beyond the "Spectrum": New Science Reveals 4 Distinct Types of Autism 15:54 ism Trait Wheel For decades, we’ve used the word "spectrum" to describe autism. We visualize a linear line stretching from "mild" to "severe," trying to find where we or our loved ones fit. But in my years working with neurodiverse couples, that model has often felt incomplete. It doesn’t quite capture the brilliant engineer who struggles to read his wife’s facial expressions, or the deeply empathetic partner who shuts down when overwhelmed by sensory noise. Now, groundbreaking research is finally catching up to what we see in the therapy room every day. A new study from Princeton University and the Flatiron Institute suggests that autism isn't just one thing—it’s actually four distinct biological types , each with its own genetic timeline. How This Research Was Done This discovery wasn't based on simple behavioral observations. It utilized sophisticated genetic analysis and advanced computational science (AI) that wasn't possible even a few years ago. By applying machine learning to analyze massive genetic datasets from the Simons Foundation, scientists were able to decompose complex data into clear patterns. This allowed them to see distinct biological "signatures" that the human eye—and traditional diagnostic tools—had previously missed. Our Client Base: The "Invisible" Majority What is most fascinating about this research is that the first two groups identified—comprising about 70% of the population —are the exact individuals we work with most frequently at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . These are the partners who often mask well, hold down successful careers, but struggle deeply with the relational and social demands of marriage. Here is the breakdown of the four (4) distinct phenotypes (types): 1. The "Social and/or Behavioral" Type Prevalence: ~37% (The largest group). Typical Diagnosis Age: Late (Age 6+ to Adulthood). Clinical Presentation: Individuals are often high-functioning and cognitively brilliant but struggle significantly with social demands. There is a high comorbidity with ADHD, anxiety, and depression. Biological Markers: Late-Activation Genes. Mutations are present at birth but often do not "activate" until later in childhood or adolescence. Suggested Clinical Focus: Mental health integration (treating anxiety/ADHD), executive function coaching, and support with relationship dynamics rather than basic developmental skills. 2. The "Moderate Challenges" Type Prevalence: ~33%. Typical Diagnosis Age: Variable (often missed in early screenings). Clinical Presentation: Displays the hallmark traits of neurodivergence—such as social communication differences and repetitive habits—but without the cognitive delays seen in other groups. Biological Markers: Subtle Genetic Architecture. Driven by "common variants" scattered throughout the DNA rather than single, high-impact mutations. Suggested Clinical Focus: Strength-based support focusing on self-advocacy, sensory regulation, and "translating" social nuances. 3. The "Mixed" Type Prevalence: ~19%. Typical Diagnosis Age: Early (Toddlerhood). Clinical Presentation: A complex presentation involving early developmental delays (speech or motor skills), yet often showing fewer emotional struggles like anxiety or aggression compared to the first group. Biological Markers: Variable Expression. Linked to a high rate of inherited rare variants, where genes are often active prenatally. Suggested Clinical Focus: Developmental support, with speech, occupational, and physical therapy often being the primary interventions. 4. The "Broadly Affected" Type Prevalence: ~10% (The smallest group). Typical Diagnosis Age: Very Early (Infancy/Toddler). Clinical Presentation: Severe challenges across all domains, including communication, social interaction, and daily living skills. Biological Markers: High-Impact Mutations. Often linked to "de novo" (spontaneous) mutations that occur for the first time in the child. Suggested Clinical Focus: Comprehensive care requiring high-level support needs, often involving complex medical and behavioral care planning. Visualizing the Complexity: The Autism Trait Wheel Because these "types" are not rigid boxes, we need better tools to visualize how they show up in real life. This is why we utilize the Autism Trait Wheel in our assessments. Rather than a straight line from "less autistic" to "more autistic," the Trait Wheel allows us to map a person's unique strengths and struggles across specific categories—like sensory processing, executive function, and social perception. It helps us see exactly where you fit within these new biological categories. Why This Matters for Your Relationship This research is profoundly validating because it offers a biological answer to the question many of our clients ask: "Why now?" Many partners we see are confused because they navigated childhood successfully—hitting milestones, performing well in school—only to hit a wall in adulthood when the complexities of marriage, parenting, or career dynamics increased. This study reveals that for the largest group of autistic individuals, the genes involved may not even activate until later in development. This means your current struggles aren't a sign of regression or failure; they are simply the result of a distinct biological timeline. Understanding this helps us move away from blame and toward our core goal: acting as a "Translator" to bridge the gap between neurological languages. You don't need to bridge this gap alone. Let’s work together to translate your neurological differences into a shared language that works for your marriage. [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References Cha, A. E. (2024). New science points to 4 distinct types of autism. The Washington Post . https://apple.news/AbM0W3IXWQc2fzc39hfMLzA Litman, A., Sauerwald, N., Snyder, L. G., Foss-Feig, J., Park, C. Y., Hao, Y., Dinstein, I., Theesfeld, C. L., & Troyanskaya, O. G. (2025). Decomposition of phenotypic heterogeneity in autism reveals underlying genetic programs. Nature Genetics . https://doi.org/10.1038/s41588-025-02224-z Matuskey, D., Yang, Y., Naganawa, M., ... & McPartland, J. C. (2024). 11C-UCB-J PET imaging is consistent with lower synaptic density in autistic adults. Molecular Psychiatry , 30, 1610–1616. https://doi.org/10.1038/s41380-024-02776-2 Zhang, X., et al. (2025). Polygenic and developmental profiles of autism differ by age at diagnosis. Nature . https://doi.org/10.1038/s41586-025-09542-6 Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

What is AuDHD? You’ve probably heard of autism . You’ve likely heard of ADHD . But what happens when you live with both—at the same time? That’s AuDHD , a combination of Autism and ADHD. It’s more common than most people realize, and it can feel like your brain is constantly flipping between two operating systems—each with its own needs, quirks, and frustrations. ➤ Maybe you love routine… but you can’t stick to one. ➤ Maybe your brain hyper-focuses for hours… but also forgets to eat lunch. ➤ Maybe one day you crave social interaction, and the next, you want to hide from the world. If this sounds familiar, you might be AuDHD—and you’re definitely not alone. Think you might be AuDHD? Let's chat now! How AuDHD Shows Up in Daily Life Living with both ADHD and autism can feel like a push-pull between competing needs. Here are a few ways this might look in real life: You crave structure (autistic trait) but struggle to follow routines (ADHD trait) You hyperfocus on creative ideas but forget deadlines or appointments You want to socialize like an ADHD brain… but the sensory overwhelm of autism kicks in You’re masking constantly—managing both autistic traits and ADHD impulsivity Want someone who actually gets this? Schedule a free consultation with a neurodiverse-affirming therapist. Is AuDHD a real term? AuDHD isn’t an official diagnosis in the DSM—but it’s a real experience for many people. It describes someone who meets criteria for both Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) . Both are neurodevelopmental conditions. Both can affect how you think, socialize, feel emotions, and process the world. And when they overlap, it creates a very specific experience that deserves tailored understanding. ADHD vs Autism: What’s the Difference? While there’s overlap, the core traits of autism and ADHD come from different places: Autism Traits ADHD Traits Difficulty with social communication Difficulty with attention/focus Repetitive behaviors & routines Impulsivity and hyperactivity Deep, specific interests Easily bored, jumps between ideas They can look similar on the outside—but the reason behind the behavior often differs. Examples: Trouble with friendships? ➤ Could be autistic social fatigue or ADHD impulsivity. Struggling to focus? ➤ Could be autistic deep-focus on a special interest or ADHD distractibility. Sensory issues? ➤ Both can have them—but the triggers and intensity vary. Need a clear answer? We offer evaluations that consider both autism and ADHD. How Common Is AuDHD? Research shows that: 30% to 80% of autistic individuals also show signs of ADHD 20% to 50% of those with ADHD may also have autistic traits Scientists believe both may share genetic and neurological roots—affecting brain areas tied to social connection, attention, and emotional regulation. Translation: You're not imagining it. You're not broken. You're wired differently—and that matters. Curious where you fall? Schedule a call with our Care Coordinator. Whole-Person Support for AuDHD Adults and Couples Living and loving with both autism and ADHD isn’t a “flaw” to be corrected—it’s a wiring difference that shapes everything from morning routines to midnight heart-to-hearts. We meet you (and, if you choose, your partner) right there, offering care that’s practical, trauma-informed, and relationship-centered. Important: We don’t believe in "fixing" you to be neurotypical. Therapy should help you function in the world—without losing who you are. ➤ Healing Old Hurts Many AuDHD adults carry scars from being misunderstood or pressured to “act normal.” We use gentle, body-based and talk-therapy methods to calm the nervous system, release stuck memories, and rebuild self-worth—without asking you to change who you are. ➤ Strengthening Your Connection AuDHD dynamics spark both creativity and friction. We guide couples to: read each other’s signals (hyper-focus vs. distraction, sensory highs & lows) blend comfort needs with closeness turn misfires into teamwork create rituals that protect connection—even on chaotic days Partners can also work one-on-one to polish their side of the dance. ➤ Social Skills Support Thriving at Work and Home Missed emails, forgotten laundry, buzzing ideas that never land—sound familiar? We blend practical planning, workplace advocacy, and gentle accountability so your brilliance shines without nonstop masking. ➤ Social Skills Support New Tools That Stick From emotion-regulation drills to values-based goal setting and mindful-movement breaks, we customize skills practice to fit your wiring—no alphabet-soup jargon required. ➤ Medication (When Appropriate) When focus boosters or calming supports might help, we team up with your prescriber to fine-tune a plan that respects your goals and your neurology. Note: We don’t prescribe, but we can coordinate with your provider. Looking for a treatment plan that actually fits? Let’s build it together. You Might Be AuDHD If… ( A mini self-checklist ) ➤ You love structure, but forget what day it is ➤ You hyper-fixate and procrastinate—sometimes at the same time ➤ You bounce between social butterfly and hermit mode ➤ You’ve spent years masking—and you're exhausted ➤ You’ve been told you're “too much” and also “not enough” Check off a few? That’s reason enough to reach out. Let’s talk. You Deserve to Be Understood If you’ve been misdiagnosed, misunderstood, or told to “just try harder,” you’re not alone. Living with AuDHD can feel overwhelming—but it’s also an opportunity to understand yourself in a deeper, more compassionate way. Get matched with a therapist who gets AuDHD. Start with a screener → Share Your Info → Free consult → Personalized support You’re not too much. You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You’re just wired differently—and you deserve care that honors that. Ready to Get Started? Click Here! Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

OCD & Autism EXPLORING THE OVERLAP OF NEURODIVERGENT EXPERIENCES Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) often intersects with neurodivergent conditions such as Autism and ADHD, creating a complex web of intertwined experiences. Recognizing and understanding these intersections is crucial for providing tailored support that meets your needs. Research indicates that a significant number of Autistic individuals, up to 37%, also grapple with OCD . The manifestation of OCD in Autistic individuals varies widely, necessitating a nuanced approach to diagnosis and treatment. The intersection of OCD and Autism presents challenges affecting daily life, impacting sensory experiences, routines, and social interactions. WHAT IS OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE DISORDER? OCD is characterized by persistent, distressing thoughts (obsessions) and repetitive actions (compulsions) aimed at alleviating the anxiety associated with these thoughts. Compulsions, ranging from visible rituals to internal mental processes, serve as temporary solutions but can intensify anxiety in the long run. Treatment typically involves therapy, such as exposure and response prevention (ERP), and, in some cases, medication. OCD & ADHD: The co-occurrence of OCD and Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (ADHD) is not uncommon, with research suggesting prevalence rates from 8% to 30% . Shared genetic and neurobiological factors , coupled with challenges in executive functioning, contribute to the complex interaction between OCD and ADHD. Navigating life with both conditions presents a unique puzzle, where ADHD can influence how OCD manifests, and OCD can exacerbate ADHD-related cognitive control difficulties. IMPORTANT DIFFERENCES Distinguishing between ADHD, Autism, and OCD is crucial for providing accurate support. Compulsions vs. Autistic Rituals vs. ADHD Compensation. Understanding compulsions, a core aspect of OCD, is key. Compulsions i n OCD are anxiety-driven actions aimed at mitigating obsessive fears and/or unwanted thoughts. Help strategy: Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP), is often considered the most effective psychological treatment for OCD. ERP involves exposing individuals to situations that trigger their obsessions while preventing the accompanying compulsive response. Over time, this helps to break the cycle of anxiety and compulsive behaviors. Autistic rituals arise from a desire for predictability, sensory sensitivities and self-soothing. These behaviors usually help autistics self-regulate and are NOT related to unwanted thoughts. Disruption of the ritual causes anxiety but the ritual was created as a result of anxiety. Help strategy: The goal when working with autistic rituals is to explore ways of building the rituals into one's life in the best way possible. Our therapists can help you walk through your daily schedule to consider which rituals are functioning and which are not. We will also help you clearly communicate your needs relating to rituals to others. ADHD compensation strategies are used to address difficulties in executive functioning. This could include struggles with recall, focus or organization. For example, repetitive checking that the garbage was taken out is a learned behavior tied to the many times the garbage was not taken out. Help strategy: Our approach to help focuses on establishing effective systems or routines to navigate the challenges posed by ADHD. BONUS QUESTION: IS OCD CONSIDERED NEURODIVERGENCE? Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) is often considered a form of neurodivergence, falling within the umbrella of conditions that deviate from the perceived norm in terms of cognitive, emotional, and behavioral functioning. Alongside conditions such as Autism, ADHD, and Dyslexia, OCD represents a unique facet of neurodiversity. THE PERMANENT VS. SITUATIONAL DEBATE The ongoing debate regarding whether OCD is a permanent aspect of one's neurology or a situational form of neurodivergence adds complexity to our understanding. Unlike some neurodivergent conditions perceived as lifelong traits, OCD exhibits a distinct characteristic – its responsiveness to treatment. Approximately 50% of individuals diagnosed with OCD may experience persistent symptoms, but these symptoms can fluctuate, intensifying during periods of increased anxiety. THE RESPONSIVE NATURE OF OCD The responsive nature of OCD to treatment challenges a rigid classification. This observation raises the question of whether OCD is an inherent neurotype or a condition that one might have at certain times and not at others. The answer varies among individuals, with some perceiving OCD as a lifelong aspect of their neurology, while others view it as a condition that can be managed or altered over time. NAVIGATING THE NUANCES: The nuanced nature of this debate highlights the importance of considering individual experiences within the broader framework of neurodiversity. While some aspects of neurodivergence are often considered inherent and enduring, the responsive nature of OCD to treatment suggests that, for some, OCD may be more situational, influenced by environmental factors and stressors. PERSONAL PERSPECTIVES ON OCD How individuals define their relationship with OCD is deeply personal. Some describe their experience as "having OCD," viewing it as a condition they manage and treat. Others see it as an integral part of their neurotype, shaping their identity and interactions with the world. Embracing this diversity in perspectives allows for a more comprehensive and empathetic understanding of how individuals navigate their unique journeys with conditions like OCD. EMPOWERING APPROACHES TO CHALLENGES The key lies in finding a way to frame the experience with authenticity, empowering individuals to approach challenges with understanding, gentleness, and hope. Embracing the diversity of perspectives underscores the multifaceted nature of OCD and the broader spectrum of neurodivergence. This approach fosters a deeper appreciation for the unique journeys individuals undertake in navigating conditions like OCD. NEXT STEPS Our first step in helping you is to clearly understanding what is driving your behavior. We will take an individualized approach to understand whether OCD, autism or ADHD (or a combination) are at play, and then work with you to develop a treatment plan. To take the next step, please fill out our contact form. Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

M enopaus e a neurodiverse communication Do apologies seem to make things worse? Do you dread apologizing? Why do apologies go sideways in neurodiverse relationships?Because intent and impact get lost in translation. All couples fight. The happy ones are able to repair. Here are three apologies that backfire—and what to try instead: “Sorry you feel that way.” This dismisses impact and centers the speaker. Say this instead: “I can see I hurt you. That’s on me. Here’s what I’ll do differently tonight: put away my phone during dinner.” Why it works: Responsibility + concrete next step rebuilds trust. “The reason I did it is…” Explanations feel like excuses when pain is fresh. Say this instead: “First, I own it. I interrupted you in front of your parents. I’ll make a repair by naming it and apologizing in front of them.” Why it works: Ownership before context, and a specific repair offer. “I’m sorry, but you know how my brain works.” Neurotype is real, but “but” erases the apology. Say this instead: “My ADHD/autism made this hard, AND I still owe you follow-through. I’ll set a 6 p.m. alarm and text you a photo of the mailed check.” Why it works: Acknowledges neurotype + commits to an observable behavior. When you get apologies right, it’s a huge relief. But how do we learn to do this? Make your apologies neurodiversity-smart. Use clear, literal language. Skip sarcasm, hints, and loaded questions. Name the impact in the partner’s terms. Impact beats intent when repairing trust. Offer a micro-repair that is visible and time-bound. Think “what will my partner see by 7 p.m.?” Expect different apology needs by neurotype. Mixed neurotype pairs often misread sincerity and tone. That’s a two-way gap, not a character flaw. Build a shared repair script. Speaker: “I own what I did: [behavior] . I see it landed as [impact] . I will [specific repair] by [time] .” Listener: “Thanks for owning it. What I need most next time is [one behavior] . I’m open to hearing brief context later.” If apologies keep stalling, use a daily check-in ritual. Ask: “Any repairs owed?” Track it in writing so working memory and shame don’t hijack progress. Why this matters for ADHD: Relationships with untreated ADHD report higher conflict and shorter stability. Repairs must be simple, externalized, and scheduled. Bottom line. Don’t chase the perfect apology. Chase the measurable repair. If apologies keep missing each other, we can help you build a shared repair language that fits both brains. [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Jenny Pan Specialties Neurodiverse & Neurotypical Couples Counseling Complex PTSD Cassandra Support Divorce & Blended Family Work Parenting Autism and ADHD Betrayal & Affairs Recovery Work Multicultural Relationship Challenges LGBTQ+ Affirming and Relationship Support Life Experience Lived 15 Years in a Neurodivergent Marriage Before either of us had language for autism or ADHD, we struggled to connect across invisible neurological lines. I know firsthand the exhaustion, confusion, and deep love that coexist in neurodiverse relationships—and how understanding changes everything. Raised Two Neurodivergent Children in a Blended Family Parenting through sensory sensitivities, shifting routines, and co-parenting across households taught me empathy in action. Our family is beautifully complex, living proof that difference and connection can thrive together. Bridged Cultures, Languages, and Identities As a first-generation Taiwanese American, I learned early how to translate between worlds—Mandarin and English, East and West, expectation and emotion. That experience now guides how I help multicultural and neurodiverse couples find shared meaning without losing themselves. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT # 155590, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Jenny! Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners References Chapple, M., et al. (2021). Overcoming the Double Empathy Problem. NIH/PMC. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8354525/ PMC Crompton, C. J., et al. (2020). Neurotype-matching… rapport in autistic vs non-autistic pairs. Frontiers in Psychology. https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyg.2020.586171/full Frontiers Driver, J. L., & Gottman, J. M. (2004). Daily marital interactions and positive affect during conflict. https://scottbarrykaufman.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/Driver-and-Gottman-2004.pdf Scott Barry Kaufman Ginapp, C. M., et al. (2023). The experiences of adults with ADHD in interpersonal relationships. NIH/PMC. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC10399076/ PMC Lewicki, R. J., Polin, B., & Lount, R. (2016). An Exploration of the Structure of Effective Apologies. Negotiation and Conflict Management Research. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/ncmr.12073 Wiley Online Library Milton, D. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: the ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society. https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/09687599.2012.710008 Taylor & Francis Online Ohio State University News (2016). The 6 elements of an effective apology. https://news.osu.edu/the-6-elements-of-an-effective-apology-according-to-science/ news.osu.edu Wymbs, B. T. (2021). Adult ADHD and romantic relationships: What we know and need to know. PubMed. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33421168/ PubMed Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

By Michelle Karth, PhD, Adult Autism Assessment Center Picture This: You're sitting next to your partner right after receiving some good news. Maybe you finally secured an impossible dinner reservation you've been hyper-fixating on, or an intricate project you’ve been working on for months just perfectly clicked into place. Internally, there are fireworks. You are experiencing pure, unadulterated joy. You’re sitting down, completely content, when out of the blue you hear, “ Are you alright? ” You’re startled by the comment. "Yeah, I'm great," you say. Because you are great. "Are you sure? You look upset." "I’m not upset. I'm thrilled." You know your partner means well, but now you’re...angry. You’re angry because you’re being accused of an emotion that you aren’t feeling, and now you have to perform emotional labor to prove you aren't upset. This mismatch between your internal state and your external display is one of the most common friction points for neurodivergent adults. Here’s another example that many neurodivergent people face: I was at a concert a few years ago when I was living in England, and I was ecstatic. I never thought I’d see this band live, but here I was, waiting in line. It was drizzling, and we slowly made our way to the doorway of the O2 Arena. Almost there, a security guard said to me, “ Oh, don’t look so sad, it’s a concert” . That completely took me by surprise because I couldn’t have been happier. This exchange didn’t ruin the concert for me, but I still remember the awkward way it made me feel. Here is the truth: Your face isn't broken. It’s functioning on a different operating system. The Science: It’s Not Malice, It’s Motor Planning In the neurodivergent community, we often call this "Flat Affect." Clinicians might call it "reduced facial expressivity." But let’s look at neuroscience, because it validates your experience in a validating way. Research shows that the production of facial expressions is a complex sensorimotor behavior. In autistic individuals, there’s often a disruption in the connectivity between the primary somatosensory cortex (S1) and the primary motor cortex (M1) specifically related to the face. This means the feedback loop that tells your brain "I’m smiling" or "I’m frowning" is quieter. So when I’m standing in an ecstatic concert crowd with a ‘frown’ on my face, or I don’t look excited after receiving a gift…it’s not that I’m unhappy, it’s just that my face is slow to catch up. Autistic people often show diminished muscle action in the upper face (the eyes and eyebrows) compared to neurotypical people. Since the eyes are where neurotypical people look to determine "genuine" emotion, your lack of movement there registers to them as coldness or anger. My dad once said to me when I was a kid, that he and I have a ‘problem’ because we always look so serious and angry. I understand now that, one, my dad may have been undiagnosed autistic, and two, why I look so serious to people all the time! This isn't about you or me lacking feelings. Studies contradict that mentality. They show that while observers struggle to identify happy or sad expressions in autistic people, they often rate our expressions of fear or anger as more intense than those of non-autistic people. This means we feel deeply. But the way our brains function to broadcast those feelings are wired differently. The Double Empathy Problem: A Clash of Channels The conflict you experience with people who question if you’re ‘alright’ involves a theory called the Double Empathy Problem . In the past, psychology has blamed us for "lacking empathy." So people have begun to believe this stereotype. However, the Double Empathy Problem flips this mentality. It argues that we don’t lack empathy. Instead, communication breakdowns occur because autistic and neurotypical people have distinct, valid, and different communication styles. Unfortunately, neurotypical people prioritize the Non-Verbal Channel. They read tone, facial expression, and body language to determine truth. So when we say "I'm fine" (and really mean it) but our face suggests otherwise, they trust the face. I think one of the moments this hits hardest is during gift-giving. It brings up so much anxiety for me. I never want the person who chose the gift to feel disappointed, or to think I’m ungrateful or unhappy. The fear of hurting their feelings can overshadow the moment entirely. Autistic people prioritize the Verbal Channel. We mean what we say. We weigh the literal data of the words more heavily than the performance of the face. My autistic sister will often complain, “why can’t people just say what they mean!?” And, I can’t help but agree. The Translation: You vs. The World When this mismatch in communication happens, it creates a feedback loop of defensiveness. To the Autistic Partner, it feels like: • Gaslighting: "I know how I feel. Why are you telling me I feel something else?" • Exhaustion: "I have to manually operate my face like a puppet just to be believed." • Confusion: "I answered the question honestly. Why are we fighting?" From personal experience, it’s exhausting having to pretend to be overly happy when you feel perfectly fine. To the Neurotypical Partner, it feels like: • Rejection: "Their face is blank/stone-cold. They must be bored with me or judging me." • Hostility: "I can feel tension (which might actually be your sensory overwhelm), but they’re denying it." • Dishonesty: "Their words don't match their face, so they must be lying." The Tools: Bridging the Gap As autistic people, we can’t rewire our motor cortex, nor should we want to. However, we can hack the communication dynamic to stop the fights before they spiral. 1: Believe the Verbal Channel This is a rule for the relationship. If you say, "I am not mad," the partner must accept that as data. The Double Empathy Problem teaches us that "empathy collapse" happens when the non-autistic partner stops trusting the verbal channel because the non-verbal channel isn't giving them the dopamine hit of reassurance they expect. 2: Name the "Resting Face" Explicitly label when your face is resting. "I’m just in power-saving mode." "My face is offline because I’m thinking." This reduces the ambiguity that causes your partner’s anxiety to spike. 3: Check for Alexithymia About 50% of autistic people have Alexithymia —difficulty identifying their own emotions. Sometimes, you are distressed, but you haven't processed it yet. If you aren't sure, try saying: "I don't have a label for my feeling yet. I need 10 minutes to scan my body." 4: The "Manual Mode Disclaimer" If you have to have a serious conversation, prep your partner: "I’m going to focus really hard on listening to your words, which means my face might go flat. Please don't read into it." Your neutral face is not a deficit . It’s often a sign of deep processing or necessary sensory regulation. You do not need to smile to be worthy of connection. You just need to be understood. If you are tired of being mistranslated, you aren't alone. Curious about where you land on the spectrum of traits? The Autism Spectrum Quotient Test (AQ) or the Ritvo Autism & Asperger Diagnostic Scale (RAADS-14) can be illuminating first steps. If this dynamic feels all too familiar, we are here to help. For neuro-informed couples or individual therapy, click here. For an assessment and/or diagnosis, click here. Michelle Karth, PhD Adult Autism Assessment Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Resources & Further Reading Bress, K. S., & Cascio, C. J. (2024). Sensorimotor regulation of facial expression—An untouched frontier. Neuroscience & Biobehavioral Reviews , 162, 105684. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12603653/ Brewer, R., Biotti, F., Catmur, C., Press, C., Happé, F. G. E., Cook, R., Bird, G. (2016). Can neurotypical individuals read autistic facial expressions? Atypical production of emotional facial expressions in autism spectrum disorders. Autism Research , 9(2), 262–271. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12332230/ Calderoli, E. A. T., Varriale, M. C., & Kapczinski, F. (2026). A Distinct Communication Strategies Model of the Double Empathy Problem. arXiv preprint arXiv:2602.02562 . https://arxiv.org/abs/2602.02562 Cheang, R. T., Skjevling, M., Blakemore, A. I., Kumari, V., & Puzzo, I. (2024). Do you feel me? Autism, empathic accuracy and the double empathy problem. Autism , 29(9), 2315–2327. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12332230/ Guha, T., Yang, Z., Grossman, R. B., & Narayanan, S. S. (2018). A computational study of expressive facial dynamics in children with autism. IEEE Transactions on Affective Computing , 9(1), 14–20. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC6022860/ Hull, L., Mandy, W., Lai, M. C., Baron-Cohen, S., Allison, C., Smith, P., ... & Petrides, K. V. (2019). Development and validation of the camouflaging autistic traits questionnaire (CAT-Q). Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders , 49, 819-833. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12659362/ Kothare, H., Ramanarayanan, V., Neumann, M., Liscombe, J., Richter, V., Lampinen, L., ... & Demopoulos, C. (2024). Vocal and facial behavior during affect production in autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Speech, Language, and Hearing Research , 68(2), 419-434. https://www.researchgate.net/publication/387226682_Vocal_and_Facial_Behavior_During_Affect_Production_in_Autism_Spectrum_Disorder Kothare, H., Roesler, O., Burke, W., Neumann, M., Liscombe, J., Exner, A., ... & Ramanarayanan, V. (2022). Speech, facial and fine motor features for conversation-based remote assessment and monitoring of Parkinson’s disease. 44th Annual International Conference of the IEEE Engineering in Medicine & Biology Society (EMBC) , 3464-3467. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12603653/ Milton, D. E. M. (2012). On the ontological status of autism: The ‘double empathy problem’. Disability & Society , 27(6), 883–887. https://arxiv.org/abs/2602.02562 Northrup, J. B., Mazefsky, C. A., & Day, T. N. (2024). Valence and intensity of emotional expression in autistic and non-autistic toddlers. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders , 55(3), 832–842. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11297193/ Trevisan, D. A., Bowering, M., & Birmingham, E. (2016). Alexithymia, but not autism spectrum disorder, may be related to the production of emotional facial expressions. Molecular Autism , 7, 46. https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5106821/ Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

We provide expert, caring support for women on the autism spectrum looking to grow or better understand themselves. AUTISTIC WOMEN < Back WOMAN ON THE SPECTRUM? WE SEE YOU. If you are an adult woman who thinks you may be on the spectrum, we are so glad you are here. You have probably been overlooked and under-supported for years and maybe even decades. You may be struggling in your relationship but not know how to fix it. Sadly, feelings of being defective, lonely, confused and helpless may be all too common. Please don't despair. There is hope! On this web page, we will try to cover the basics of women on the spectrum but we invite you to connect with one of our neurodiversity specialists who would be honored to help you.

Quick Guide - Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Tip: Want more resources? 📖 Read our Article on Neurodiverse Couples Counseling for an overview of challenges, therapy approaches, and more. 📖 Visit our Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) Page if you have a specific question about our services you'd like an answer to. KEY FACTS The “Neurodiversity Magnet” : Many autistic and neurotypical partners feel an immediate and powerful attraction towards each other and their differences . Autistic partners are often admired for their focus, intelligence, and stability, while neurotypical partners are valued for their social skills and support. This can feel like being “pulled together like magnets.” When Differences Become Challenges : Over time, those same differences can cause misunderstandings . Couples may feel like they are speaking “different languages,” leading to trust issues, arguments, distance, or struggles with parenting and intimacy. Yes, Empathy Is Possible : Some people wrongly believe that autistic partners cannot feel love or empathy. In reality, they do feel empathy—they just may show it in different ways ( Double Empathy Problem ). With the right tools, both partners can better understand and connect with each other. Therapy That Works : Research shows that couples who participate in solution-focused therapy show an increase in “solution talk” and positive reinforcement , which helps partners move away from blame and start expressing emotions more openly (McDowell et al., 2023). Change Takes Time, But It Happens : Autism is not a “fixed” condition. With patience and the right kind of therapy, many couples see progress and grow closer over time—leading to relationships that feel more relaxed, connected, and rewarding. ABOUT US With a team of over 30 therapists, we are the largest practice dedicated exclusively to supporting neurodiverse individuals and couples. Our Approach: We use a neurodiverse counseling model that is tailored to each couple. This model involves focusing on the challenges that often create distance—such as communication breakdowns, sensory sensitivities, and differences in social or executive functioning. Rather than turning these differences into blame or criticism, we help partners reframe them as opportunities to build empathy, strengthen teamwork, and create a more connected relationship. Our neurodiverse counseling model often integrates strengths-based, neuro-affirming strategies that emphasize safety, communication, and mutual understanding. We complete over 16,000 sessions a year , giving us a deep well of experience supporting neurodiverse couples and individuals on their journey toward connection and growth. Our Team: Our experts are deeply compassionate and dedicated to helping neurodiverse couples thrive. Three things set our team apart: Ongoing Specialized Training – Every therapist receives weekly training on neurodiversity-focused content, ensuring our approaches stay current and effective. Collaborative Case Support – We hold weekly case consultations and supervision so that no couple’s challenges are handled in isolation—your therapist has a full team behind them. Continuous Professional Growth – All team members pursue ongoing continuing education in neurodiverse relationships, keeping us at the forefront of best practices. Insurance — We are insurance-friendly. As an out-of-network provider, we will send you a Superbill for therapy services that you can submit to your insurance company for potential reimbursement. Please know that we do NOT bill insurance directly or participate as an in-network provider. For more information, please visit the "Insurance/Fee" section on our FAQ page. Diagnosis optional — You don’t need a diagnosis to participate. If you’re in California and want to explore an autism or ADHD diagnosis, our team can help. A quick note on crises — We’re not a crisis service. If you’re ever in immediate danger, call 911 . For urgent mental health support, call or text 988 . Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is part of New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. WHO WE HELP We support neurodiverse couples nationwide through online therapy or coaching. We support couples who are navigating neurodiversity in any capacity. Some common issues include: Autism/ADHD differences Cassandra Syndrome Support Highly Sensitive People Parenting and co-parenting challenges Intimacy (both physical and emotional) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Recurring discussions about “tone,” initiative, alexithymia , or intimacy Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) LEARN MORE 📖 Read our Article on Neurodiverse Couples Counseling for an overview of challenges, therapy approaches, and more. 📖 Visit our Neurodiverse Couples Counseling FAQ for practical details about our services. Last reviewed: Aug 26, 2025 • Authors: Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT (Clinical Director) and Jasmyne Mena (Director of Clinical Research & Scientific Communications) GETTING STARTED We would love to create a safe place for you to break the painful patterns of the past and communicate in a new way. Please fill out our contact form and we will be glad to connect you with one of our team members. 10 secrets of happy neurodiverse couples… . (2024, September 4). BPS; The British Psychological Society. https://www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/10-secrets-happy-neurodiverse-couples Calderoni, S., Billeci, L., Narzisi, A., Brambilla, P., Retico, A., & Muratori, F. (2016). Rehabilitative Interventions and Brain Plasticity in Autism Spectrum Disorders: Focus on MRI-Based Studies. Frontiers in Neuroscience , 10 . https://doi.org/10.3389/fnins.2016.00139 McDowell, C. N., Bryant, M. E., & Parker, M. L. (2023). Decoding Neurodiverse Couples Therapy: A Solution-Focused Approach. Sexuality & Disability , 41 (2), 255–273. https://doi-org.libproxy.csudh.edu/10.1007/s11195-022-09765-9 Milton, D., Waldock, K. E., & Keates, N. (2023). Autism and the ‘double empathy problem.’ In F. Mezzenzana & D. Peluso (Eds.), Conversations on empathy: Interdisciplinary perspectives on imagination and radical othering (pp. 78–97). Routledge. https://doi.org/10.4324/9781003189978-6 Mitchell, P., Sheppard, E., & Cassidy, S. (2021). Autism and the double empathy problem: Implications for development and mental health. British Journal of Developmental Psychology, 39(1), 1–18. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjdp.12350 Taylor, E. C., Livingston, L. A., Clutterbuck, R. A., Callan, M. J., & Shah, P. (2023). Psychological strengths and well-being: Strengths use predicts quality of life, well-being and mental health in autism. Autism : the international journal of research and practice , 27 (6), 1826–1839. https://doi.org/10.1177/13623613221146440 Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Hi There, Have you ever felt like your meal routine was a little...different? You're not alone! We'd like to share some intriguing insights about eating problems in adults with autism, and it's eye-opening. 👀✨ 🍽️ Eating Challenges for Adults with Autism: The Research says… Men with Autism: The Struggle is Real Research has shown that men with autism face various eating problems that can disrupt their daily lives and relationships. These issues range from being extremely picky with food to feeling uncomfortable eating around others. Key Insights: Picky Eating: Men with autism scored 12.6 on the picky eating scale, compared to 9.7 for neurotypical men. Social Mealtime Discomfort: Men with autism scored 23.4 in social mealtime discomfort, compared to 18.7 for neurotypical men. Impact on Your Relationship: 👫 💞 Imagine your partner is struggling with picky eating or social discomfort during meals. This can make shared meals—a common bonding activity—stressful or even impossible. Misunderstandings and frustrations can arise, affecting the emotional connection and harmony in the relationship. 🥗 Women with Autism: A Closer Examination Heightened Sensitivity and Eating Disorders The same study found that women with autism experience even more significant eating problems than men. They report higher sensitivity to the sensory aspects of food, such as taste, smell, and texture, and display symptoms of eating disorders, like food refusal and purging. Key Insights: Sensitivity to Food: Women with autism scored 26.4 on sensitivity to food, compared to 20.6 for neurotypical women. Picky Eating: Women with autism scored 13.2 on picky eating, compared to 10.6 for neurotypical women. Eating Disorder Symptoms: Women with autism scored 10.5 on eating disorder symptoms, compared to 8.8 for neurotypical women. Impact on Your Relationship: 👫 💞 For women with autism, heightened food sensitivities and eating disorder symptoms can create significant strain. Partners might struggle to understand why certain foods or mealtimes are problematic, leading to feelings of isolation and tension. Addressing these challenges with empathy and tailored support is crucial for maintaining a healthy, supportive relationship. 🚨 Sensory Sensitivities & Interoception How Sensory Sensitivities Affect Eating Behaviors Research has also shown that sensory sensitivities in adults with autism are strongly linked to dysfunctional eating behaviors. Specifically: Visual Hypersensitivity: Those who are overly sensitive to visual stimuli tend to have higher levels of both eating disorder symptoms and autistic eating behaviors. Taste Hyposensitivity: Those with reduced sensitivity to taste are more likely to exhibit eating disorder symptoms. Interoception: The Hidden Link Another important factor to consider is interoception, which is how we perceive signals from our own body, like hunger, thirst, and even heartbeats. A recent study found that people with autism often experience atypical interoception, meaning they might not always sense these bodily signals accurately. This can contribute to eating problems and disorders. 🧩 Choose the Neuro-Informed Nourishment Way Our Call to Action Mainstream treatments for disordered eating are generally ‘one size fits all’. This can fail to help and, even worse, harm neurodivergent people. Our individualized approach considers you as a whole person when it comes to food and eating, integrating an understanding of neuro-informed nourishment and trauma-informed care to honor your unique needs and autonomy. We see autism (or other forms of neurodiversity) as a strength and help you use it to your advantage. We are here to support you to explore and understand the patterns in your brain, body, nervous system, thoughts, and behaviors around food. We support you to define for yourself what you want and need when it comes to eating and find strategies that allow you to feel more comfortable and capable with your nourishment. This process is both practical and deep, as many clients find broader growth and healing along the way, like increased self-awareness and self-acceptance, happier relationships, more self-agency, and relief from chronic despair and shame. If you and your partner are struggling with the impact of eating problems on your relationship, we are here to help. Stay strong and keep thriving! Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Cassie Clayton, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neuro-informed eating specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Cassie Do You Feel Restricted or Weighed Down by Your Rigid Routines? Want to measure how your repetitive behaviors present themselves in your life? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and take the Adult Repetitive Behaviors Questionnaire-2 (RBQ-2A). Take the RBQ-2A Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Communication sounds simple, right? Just talk and listen. But for many couples, that’s where things get completely stuck. When communication breaks down, it can feel like you're hitting a brick wall, leaving you frustrated and hopeless. Reflective listening can be incredibly helpful, making sure each partner feels heard and understood. But let’s face it, reflective listening is rarely enough, especially for neurodiverse couples. To break through your communication walls, you need to dig deeper and ask yourself some though-provoking questions. Here are four crucial questions to continually ask yourself: 1. 🤔 How have I been complicit in creating the communication patterns that I say I don’t want? There's a difference between being “complicit” and being “responsible”. Complicit means you're playing a part, even unintentionally, in creating the situations you claim to dislike. You might be doing things you say you don’t want, but in some way, these actions serve you. Do you know what this might be? Think about it. Are you trying to protect yourself in some way? Having a hidden agenda can create chaos in our communication, making it difficult to break free from negative cycles. 2. 🗣️ What am I not saying that needs to be said? 🗣️ Do you hold back important feelings and thoughts because you fear your partner's reaction? One way to reduce this fear is by using a " soft start "—actually asking permission to say something that may be hard to hear. Ask your partner to listen and promise not to respond for at least an hour. Sometimes, even when it feels safe talk, it may still be really hard to figure out what you want to say. This is especially true for our neurodiverse partners who may not be “tuned in” to themselves. Meanwhile, allistic partners may be so worried about keeping everyone else happy that you’ve lost track of your own needs. Taking the time to deeply reflect on what is truly important to you can change your world. It can help you feel like you matter. 3. 👂 What am I saying that’s not being heard? 👂 Ever feel like you’re talking, but your partner isn’t listening? First, focus on how you are saying what you're saying. Are you speaking calmly and clearly, or are your words dripping with frustration and hopelessness? Work on soothing yourself enough so you’re not in a triggered state of mind and body. Instead of pointing out what they’re doing wrong, try focusing on your own feelings and experiences. Expressing your internal thoughts can lower defenses and open your partner to really hear you. 4. 🧏 What’s being said that I’m not hearing? 🧏 Listening is a gift. It means setting aside your own agenda for a moment to truly enter the other person’s world. Take some time to reflect on everything your partner is trying to tell you. Is there a deeper message beneath all the words they are saying? Does a complaint about dishes in the sink really mean that your partner feels overwhelmed at the end of the day and needs someone to notice all the work that gets done? By staying curious about what is being said, even if you disagree, you show respect and validation for your partner’s feelings and thoughts, breathing new life into the relationship. 📝 Start the Deeper Work of Communication 📝 The deeper work of a couple's communication begins with you and a piece of paper (or keypad!) Here’s an exercise to get started: 1. Answer these four questions honestly: Take some time alone to reflect on each question. Write down your answers thoughtfully and thoroughly. 2. Share your answers with your partner: Set aside a quiet time to discuss your reflections. Make sure to carefully listen to each other. Say back what you are hearing but don’t respond. Save that for later. 3. Get expert help: Breaking through years of stuck communication is tough to do alone. To work through challenges, consider seeing one of our neuro-informed clinicians. They can provide expert guidance and support on this journey. For more transformative insights and neuro-informed support, don’t hesitate to reach out to us. We're here to help you navigate and strengthen your relationship. Until next time, Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Do You Focus Intensely on Some Interests, but Not Others? Want to see if your behavior is consistent with monotropism? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take the Monotropism Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Opposites attract. Until they attack!!! This opposite attraction shows up in our couples with the combo of an autistic and ADHD partner. This pairing brings both complimentary strengths and serious challenges . On one hand, the structure, focus, and stability of the ASD partner can beautifully balance the spontaneity, creativity, and energy of the ADHD partner. However, these same differences can also lead to significant misunderstandings and emotional friction, making it difficult to find harmony. The very traits that initially attract these partners to each other can also become sources of frustration and conflict if left unaddressed. So, what draws these opposites together, and how can they navigate the challenges that come with such a unique bond? Are You a Compass and a Kite? Imagine your relationship as a balancing act between a compass and a kite . The compass (ASD) is steady, grounded, seeking structure and predictability. The kite (ADHD) is full of energy, constantly catching the wind of new ideas and spontaneity. At first glance, these two forces seem to be at odds, but together, they soar. The compass grounds the kite, while the kite pulls the compass toward new heights. This isn’t just a metaphor—there’s real science behind why this works. Let’s dive into the reasons behind this attraction. 🧠 Why Do ASD and ADHD Partners Attract Each Other? 1. Complementary Strengths ASD and ADHD partners tend to complement each other in powerful ways. ASD partners provide structure, focus, and calm. ADHD partners bring energy, creativity, and spontaneity. This balance of grounding stability and exciting dynamism creates an irresistible pull. 2. Shared Sense of “Otherness” Feeling "different" often brings partners closer. Both ASD and ADHD partners know what it’s like to feel misunderstood by the neurotypical world. This shared experience of being "othered" creates an instant bond and deep empathy. They may have different struggles, but the emotional core of feeling different is the same. 3. Routine vs. Novelty: The Balancing Act ADHD partners thrive on novelty and constant change, bringing excitement to the relationship. ASD partners thrive on routine, providing the relationship with structure and predictability. Together, they form a balance where routine doesn’t become stagnant, and novelty doesn’t become overwhelming. 4. Filling in the Gaps Where one partner struggles, the other often excels. ADHD’s impulsivity is tempered by ASD’s careful, methodical decision-making. ASD’s hesitation in social situations is balanced by ADHD’s enthusiasm and energy to engage. This creates a teamwork dynamic , where both partners feel they contribute meaningfully. 5. Over-Functioning and Under-Functioning: The Dynamic of Struggle In many ASD/ADHD relationships, one partner often takes on the role of over-functioning , while the other falls into under-functioning —but this isn’t a fixed dynamic. The under-functioning partner is typically the one who is struggling the most at any given point, which means either partner can play this role depending on the situation. If the ASD partner is feeling overwhelmed by changes or social demands, they may lean into a more passive role, needing the ADHD partner to step up and manage things. Alternatively, the ADHD partner , with their struggles around focus, planning, and follow-through, may rely on the structure and routine provided by their ASD partner to stay on track. In the short term, this dynamic can feel balanced and even comfortable. One partner thrives in control, while the other enjoys the relief of having their needs supported. But over time, it can create stress, with the over-functioning partner becoming resentful or the under-functioning partner feeling overly dependent. Recognizing this pattern and addressing it early allows for a more mutually supportive and sustainable relationship. The Flip Side: When Attraction Turns to Dysfunction While these forces of attraction create a strong bond, they can also lead to dysfunctional patterns . Couples who come to us often feel overwhelmed by their differences, unable to navigate the friction between ASD’s need for stability and ADHD’s desire for constant change. These dynamics can easily create negative cycles that spin out of control. The very things that once attracted partners—one’s desire for routine and the other’s impulsiveness—can become points of contention. This is where our therapists step in to help couples unravel the dysfunction and turn these challenges into opportunities for growth. 🔄 EFT Perspective: Unpacking the Emotional Patterns of ASD/ADHD Couples From an Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) perspective, ASD/ADHD couples often find themselves stuck in destructive cycles of pursue and withdraw . Surface-Level Behaviors and Emotions Pursue vs. Withdraw ADHD partner : Often “pursues” for connection, seeking immediate feedback, attention, and emotional engagement. ASD partner : Withdraws in response to the sudden emotional intensity, feeling overwhelmed and needing time to process. Surface emotion : The ADHD partner feels ignored, while the ASD partner feels pressured and retreats further. Sensory Seeking vs. Sensory Avoidance ADHD partner : Enjoys rich sensory environments—loud conversations, bright lights, or high-energy activities. ASD partner : Tends to avoid excessive sensory input, easily overwhelmed by stimuli and retreating into quiet, low-stimulation spaces to recharge. Surface emotion : The ADHD partner may feel like their energy and preferences are being rejected, while the ASD partner feels overstimulated and retreats to protect their emotional balance. 🌱 Attachment Needs Lie Beneath the Surface Beneath these surface behaviors are deeper emotional needs driving each partner’s actions: ADHD partner’s deeper need: Connection and engagement : The ADHD partner seeks reassurance and emotional closeness, pushing for interaction as a way to feel valued and loved. ASD partner’s deeper need: Safety and predictability : The ASD partner needs emotional safety through stability and predictability, withdrawing to manage their sensory and emotional overload. 🔑 The Key to Breaking the Cycle Breaking this cycle requires recognizing and validating these deeper attachment needs . Rather than seeing pursuit as desperation or withdrawal as rejection, both partners can learn to understand these reactions as responses to deeper emotional needs. By working with these needs, couples can transform their relationship from one of frustration to one of understanding, empathy, and closeness . Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) helps couples identify and address these underlying emotional dynamics, turning conflict into a pathway for deeper connection. 🔦 Spotlight on Tamala Takahashi If your relationship feels stuck in the push-pull dynamics of ASD/ADHD, Tamala Takahashi is the specialist who truly understands both sides. Tamala brings not only professional expertise but also extensive lived experience with both autism and ADHD. She knows firsthand what it’s like to navigate the challenges and rewards of this dynamic, making her uniquely equipped to guide couples through their toughest struggles. Her Superpower? Tamala helps couples get to the heart of their relationship by addressing the deeper attachment needs that drive their emotional patterns. With her insight, you’ll move beyond reactive cycles like pursue and withdraw , and learn to foster connection that respects both spontaneity and structure. At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center , we help couples like yours find balance and connection every day, working through the unique dynamics of ASD/ADHD relationships. Take the first step toward a more fulfilling partnership. We’re here to support you. Warmly, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Think You May be Masking Your Autistic Traits? The Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) may be used to identify autistic individuals who do not currently meet diagnostic criteria due to their ability to mask. Take the CAT-Q Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel