Build a couple's trait wheel together — map each partner's strengths and support needs side by side, then download a worksheet for reflection or therapy. Instructions

🧠 Highly Sensitive Person (HSP): A Deeper Understanding Do you often feel overwhelmed by loud noises, bright lights, or strong smells? Maybe you’ve been told you’re "too sensitive" or that you need to toughen up. If this sounds familiar, you might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). This trait, found in 15-20% of the population, describes individuals whose nervous systems are wired to process sensory input more deeply. Being an HSP is not a disorder —you won’t find it in the DSM. However, it plays a significant role in how people experience the world. Understanding this trait can transform relationships, helping couples and individuals navigate its challenges and embrace its unique strengths. 🔍 What is HSP? Highly Sensitive People possess a blend of qualities that make their experiences in the world different, including: Depth of Processing HSPs process all types of information more deeply than others. They are more reflective, often taking longer to make decisions because of their detailed thought process. This depth of processing includes both conscious analysis of conversations and unconscious gut feelings. Overarousability HSPs notice more than others in any given situation—be it emotions, noise levels, or even subtle smells. This hyper-awareness is advantageous but can also lead to overarousal and stress, especially in overwhelming environments. Emotional Intensity HSPs feel emotions intensely, both positive and negative. This heightened emotional responsiveness makes them empathetic, as they are more attuned to others' feelings. Sensory Sensitivity HSPs are highly sensitive to subtle environmental stimuli, which can help them notice potential dangers but also makes them more vulnerable to discomfort from loud noises, bright lights, or even certain foods. Risk Evaluation HSPs are excellent strategists and tend to plan ahead, carefully evaluating risks before acting. Their sensitivity tempers impulsive behavior, making them cautious adventurers 🌱 Helping Individuals with HSP For individuals, navigating the world with heightened sensitivity can feel overwhelming, but it also comes with a range of gifts that can be harnessed with the right support. Therapy for HSPs focuses on managing the challenges while celebrating the unique strengths this trait offers. Managing Overstimulation : One of the most common difficulties HSPs face is managing sensory and emotional overload. Whether it's loud environments, chaotic workspaces, or emotionally intense situations, HSPs can easily become overwhelmed. Therapy can provide practical tools for recognizing signs of overstimulation early and implementing coping mechanisms, such as taking breaks, finding quiet spaces, or practicing mindfulness techniques. Building Boundaries : HSPs often feel others’ emotions deeply, making them prone to taking on the stress or discomfort of those around them. Learning to set emotional boundaries is essential for preserving energy and preventing burnout. Therapy can help HSPs develop the confidence to assert their needs in both personal and professional settings, allowing them to protect their well-being without feeling guilty or selfish. Reframing Sensitivity : Many HSPs have been told throughout their lives that they’re "too sensitive" or that their traits are a weakness. This can lead to feelings of inadequacy or frustration. Therapy helps individuals reframe their sensitivity as a strength, highlighting how their empathy, intuition, and emotional intelligence can positively impact their relationships, work, and personal fulfillment. Handling Negative Feedback : HSPs are particularly vulnerable to criticism, which can be felt more deeply and linger longer than for non-HSPs. Therapy can help HSPs develop healthier ways of processing feedback, turning it into constructive learning opportunities rather than internalizing it as a reflection of their worth. Embracing a Rich Inner Life : Many HSPs have a vivid imagination and a deep connection to art, nature, and beauty. Therapy can encourage HSPs to embrace these traits as sources of joy and fulfillment, helping them cultivate practices that nourish their inner world, whether through creative outlets, mindfulness practices, or spending time in environments that inspire them. By working with a therapist who understands the unique needs of HSPs, individuals can learn to thrive in a world that often feels too intense. 🧠 HSP Overlaps with Other Neurodiversities HSP traits can overlap with aspects of other neurodiverse conditions such as autism or ADHD. For example: Autism : Both HSPs and autistic individuals can experience sensory sensitivities, though for different reasons. Autistic individuals may struggle with processing sensory stimuli, while HSPs tend to process stimuli more deeply on an emotional level. ADHD : HSPs may experience a similar sense of overwhelm in busy environments as someone with ADHD, but where ADHD might be characterized by difficulty focusing, HSPs are often over-focused on emotional and sensory details. Exploring these overlaps in therapy can help neurodiverse individuals and couples find ways to better understand each other and work together. ❓ Is Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS) a Disorder? Sensory Processing Sensitivity (SPS), the trait underlying HSP, is not a disorder but rather a natural variation in how the nervous system processes sensory information. While it can coexist with conditions like autism or ADHD, it is distinct in important ways: Empathy and Social Sensitivity : SPS involves high levels of empathy and responsiveness to social stimuli, traits that are often absent in conditions like high-functioning autism. This makes SPS more about deep social and emotional engagement rather than social difficulty. Attention Span : Although HSPs may be misdiagnosed with ADHD, they tend to have good concentration in quiet, calm environments. ADHD typically presents with a more consistent challenge in maintaining attention, regardless of the setting. Despite the challenges of overstimulation and emotional intensity, SPS offers a range of advantages, including heightened intuition, creativity, and empathy. For some, however, the trait can lead to vulnerabilities, such as anxiety or depression, particularly if they feel misunderstood or isolated. Therapy can provide valuable psychoeducational support, helping HSPs navigate these challenges while embracing their sensitivity as a strength. 🧠🧠 Understand Your Sensory Sensitivity: Get Expert Guidance with Our Sensory Assessment If you’re wondering whether your sensitivity might be part of a broader sensory processing pattern, you may benefit from taking the Sensory Processing Measure, Second Edition (SPM-2) . The SPM-2 is a widely recognized tool used to assess how individuals process sensory information in various environments, such as at home, work, or in social situations. What is the SPM-2? The SPM-2 measures different aspects of sensory processing, including how people respond to visual, auditory, tactile, and other sensory stimuli. It can help identify specific areas where a person may struggle with sensory integration, such as difficulty filtering out background noise or heightened sensitivity to touch. How Does It Relate to HSP? While the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait is not the same as sensory processing disorder (SPD) or other sensory challenges, there are overlapping characteristics. Both HSPs and individuals with sensory processing challenges may: Experience overstimulation in busy or noisy environments Feel overwhelmed by certain textures, sounds, or bright lights Require more downtime or space after social interactions However, HSP focuses more on emotional and social sensitivity , along with a deeper level of processing information, whereas sensory processing disorders tend to be more about how the brain interprets sensory input from the environment. How Can the SPM-2 Help? For individuals who are uncertain if their experiences stem from sensory processing difficulties or their HSP trait , the SPM-2 provides valuable insight. Under the guidance of our trained clinicians, this assessment can: Clarify if sensory sensitivities are part of a more significant sensory processing challenge Identify areas where targeted support might reduce overstimulation and stress Guide therapy to address both the emotional and sensory aspects of sensitivity, creating a more holistic treatment approach Start Your HSP Healing Journey with Nancy! As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) myself, I understand the challenges this trait can cause and would love to support you on your healing journey! More About Nancy 📝 Schedule Your SPM-2 Assessment Today At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, our clinicians are experienced in using the SPM-2 to help individuals understand their sensory profiles. If you’re interested in exploring how sensory processing might be influencing your experience, we invite you to take this assessment as part of your therapeutic journey. Contact us to schedule an SPM-2 assessment with one of our expert clinicians and start gaining deeper insight into your sensory and emotional world. 🧸 HSP in Children vs. Adults Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) traits manifest differently in children and adults due to differences in life experience, coping mechanisms, and social environments. HSP in Children Highly sensitive children often stand out early on. They may: React Strongly to Stimuli: Loud noises, bright lights, or crowded environments can overwhelm them quickly. They may cover their ears or retreat from overstimulation. Be Emotionally Intuitive: Even as young children, HSPs are highly attuned to the emotions of those around them. They can often sense when a parent or peer is upset, even if nothing has been said. Struggle with Transitions: Shifting from one activity to another, like going from playtime to schoolwork, may be particularly hard for HSP children, who need more time to process the change. Require More Downtime: After social activities, these children may need more quiet, alone time to recharge. For children, these traits can be difficult to manage without the right support. Parents and teachers often misunderstand their behaviors as shyness or moodiness, leading to feelings of frustration or isolation. Early intervention—whether through parenting strategies, school accommodations, or child therapy—can make a significant difference in how an HSP child learns to manage their sensitivity. HSP in Adults As adults, HSPs have often developed coping strategies for navigating their sensitivity, though the challenges remain. Adult HSPs may: Have Better Emotional Regulation: Over time, many HSPs learn how to recognize their emotional triggers and manage them more effectively. They might still feel deeply, but they’ve often developed ways to avoid being overwhelmed by these feelings. Face Workplace Challenges: HSP adults might find office environments particularly draining, especially if they involve a lot of noise, social interaction, or pressure to multitask. However, their sensitivity can also make them excellent problem-solvers and creative thinkers. Maintain More Balanced Relationships: With age, adult HSPs can better communicate their needs in relationships. They are likely to seek out supportive, understanding partners who respect their sensitivity. Still Require Alone Time: Just like in childhood, HSP adults need time to recharge after social interactions or stressful environments. They may schedule alone time or quiet activities to prevent burnout. The key difference between HSPs in childhood and adulthood is the level of self-awareness. Adults are typically more equipped to recognize their own needs and assert them, whereas children rely more on parents or caregivers to create supportive environments. Therapy can help both children and adults find the best ways to thrive in their personal and social environments. 📚 5 Great Books on HSP The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron - The essential guide to understanding HSP traits and learning how to embrace them. Learn more The Highly Sensitive Person in Love by Elaine Aron - A must-read for HSPs navigating love and relationships. Learn more The Empath’s Survival Guide by Judith Orloff - Practical strategies for managing emotions and boundaries as an HSP or empath. Learn more Quiet by Susan Cain - An exploration of introverts, many of whom share HSP traits, and how to thrive in a noisy world. Learn more The Highly Sensitive Parent by Elaine Aron - For HSPs who are navigating the joys and challenges of parenthood. Learn more Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Start Your HSP Healing Journey with Nancy! As a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) myself, I understand the challenges this trait can cause and would love to support you on your healing journey! More About Nancy Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Autism & Cancer NAVIGATING CANCER WITH AUTISM: UNIQUE CHALLENGES AND SUPPORT Cancer can be a tremendous challenge for anyone. Yet, if you are autistic, you may face unique difficulties in dealing with the physical and emotional aspects of cancer. And, thus you deserve specialized support. We're here to help! Meet with our Client Care Coordinator AUTISTIC WITH CANCER: CHALLENGES Here are some challenges that someone with autism who is also dealing with cancer might encounter: Communication and Understanding: Difficulty in expressing and understanding emotions: People with autism often struggle with recognizing and expressing emotions. A cancer diagnosis can bring about a wide range of emotions, and individuals with autism may find it challenging to convey their feelings or understand the emotions of others, making it harder for them to express their needs and concerns. Communication barriers: Communication is crucial in cancer care. Individuals with autism may have difficulty with verbal and non-verbal communication, making it challenging to convey symptoms and preferences to neurotypical people. Sensory Sensitivities: Increased sensitivity to stimuli: Many individuals with autism have sensory sensitivities, such as heightened sensitivity to light, sound, touch, or smell. Cancer treatments, hospital environments, and medical procedures can exacerbate these sensitivities, causing additional stress and discomfort. Routine Disruptions: Adherence to routines: Individuals with autism often rely on routines for comfort and predictability. Cancer treatments, doctor appointments, and hospital stays will disrupt these routines, leading to increased anxiety and stress. Social Challenges: Difficulty in social interactions: Cancer can lead to changes in social dynamics and relationships. Individuals with autism may already find social interactions challenging, and the added complexity of cancer-related social situations can create additional stress. Coping with changes in relationships: A cancer diagnosis can affect relationships with family, friends, and caregivers. Individuals with autism may find it difficult to navigate these changes and understand the impact of the illness on their social network. Cognitive Challenges: Individuals with autism may feel overwhelmed by this flood of information. On the other hand, the autistic person may process medical information much better than her or his allistic partner and then get frustrated with the partner's emotional and non-rational response. (See relationship bullet above). Self-Advocacy: Difficulty in self-advocacy: Advocating for one's needs is crucial during cancer treatment. Individuals with autism may be conflict avoidant and thus struggle to assert their preferences, communicate discomfort, or express their needs effectively. Or such individuals may self-advocate in a way that is perceived as overly aggressive, and thus receive a hostile unhelpful response. Emotional Regulation: Emotional regulation difficulties: Autism is often associated with challenges in regulating emotions. Coping with the emotional toll of a cancer diagnosis, as well as the physical and emotional stress of treatment, can be particularly taxing in some unique ways for someone with autism. Limited Support Networks: Limited support networks: Individuals with autism may have smaller or more specialized support networks. It's important to ensure that their unique social and emotional needs are addressed during the cancer journey. ALLISTIC WITH CANCER: CHALLENGES Having cancer and being married to or partnered with someone with autism can present a unique set of challenges. Here are some of the potential difficulties: Emotional Expression: The partner with cancer may need emotional support that the autistic partner may find challenging to provide in traditional ways. People with autism may find it challenging to understand and express emotions, making it difficult for them to navigate and respond to the emotional rollercoaster that often accompanies a partner's cancer diagnosis. Sensory Sensitivities: The medical environment, smells, noises, and changes in routine related to the partner's cancer treatment may be overwhelming for the autistic partner. Routine Disruptions: Cancer treatment often disrupts daily routines , and individuals with autism often rely on predictable routines for stability. Empathy Challenges: The partner with cancer may require heightened emotional support, and the autistic partner may find it challenging to provide this support in a way that is perceived as empathetic. Coping Mechanisms: Both partners may have unique coping mechanisms that differ significantly. The partner with cancer may seek emotional support, while the autistic partner may cope through routines or specific interests . Thus, understanding and accommodating each other's coping strategies can be a complex process. Social Isolation: Autism can sometimes lead to social challenges, and the additional stress of cancer may exacerbate feelings of isolation especially for the allistic partner . Balancing Caregiving Roles: The partner with autism may have unique strengths that can contribute to caregiving, but challenges in understanding and responding to emotional needs may complicate caregiving dynamics . Advocacy and Healthcare Navigation: Navigating the complex healthcare system and advocating for the best care can be challenging. The autistic partner may find it difficult to engage in these processes effectively. GENETIC CONNECTION? Some clients wonder if there is a genetic connection between autism and cancer. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers. The relationship between autism and cancer risk is complex and has been the subject of various studies. Some research suggests that there may be a genetic overlap between autism and certain cancer-related genes, but this does not necessarily translate to a higher risk of cancer for autistic individuals. Lower Risk of Cancer? For instance, a study mentioned in Spectrum News found that people with autism have a lifetime cancer risk of 1.3 percent compared to 3.9 percent in the control group. This suggests that individuals with autism may actually have a lower risk of developing cancer compared to those without autism. Some cases of Higher Risk However, it’s important to note that the presence of comorbid intellectual disability and/or birth defects in individuals with autism spectrum disorders can contribute to an increased risk of cancer in early life. View the article here! Higher Mutations, Lower Risk It’s also worth mentioning that while some individuals with autism may have mutations in cancer-related genes, these mutations do not always lead to canc er. In fact, another study highlighted by ScienceDaily showed that although patients diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD) have a higher burden of mutations in cancer-promoting oncogenes, they actually have lower rates of cancer. Talk to Medical Specialist While there is some genetic overlap between autism and cancer, the evidence does not conclusively point to a higher risk of cancer for autistic individuals. It’s essential to consider individual health profiles and consult with healthcare professionals for personalized medical advice. If you have specific concerns about health risks, it’s best to speak with your medical doctor or a cancer specialist. Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

"Cassandra Syndrome" is a term that Dr. Tony Attwood first coined in his book, The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome . It describes a situation where an individual with Asperger's Syndrome (a form of autism spectrum disorder) is in a relationship with a neurotypical partner. The neurotypical partner often feels dismissed and unheard, leading to feelings of frustration, resentment, and even anger. Defining Neurodiversity and Neurotypical: Judy Singer, an Australian sociologist with autism, first coined the term "neurodiversity" in the late 1990s. The term is now used to describe the range of neurological differences within the population, including conditions like attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), dyslexia, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), autism spectrum disorder, and even some traumatic brain injuries (TBI). While there is no one-size-fits-all definition of "neurotypical," the term is generally used to describe individuals with no neurological disorders or differences. In other words, neurotypical people are considered "neurologically average." What is Autism Spectrum Disorder? Autism spectrum disorder (ASD) is a complex neurobehavioral condition that affects a person's ability to communicate, interact with others, and have typical motor and sensory behaviors. ASD is characterized by impaired social interaction, verbal and nonverbal communication issues, and unusual or repetitive behaviors. The medical community now recognizes that there is not one "type" of autism but rather a spectrum of symptoms and behaviors that differ significantly from person to person. Current research shares that men are four times more likely to be diagnosed with ASD than women. However, this number is changing as we become more aware of the prevalence of ASD in women and girls. Differences in Brain Wiring: What is fascinating is the brain differences between those on the autism spectrum and neurotypical individuals. The autistic brain is wired differently than the neurotypical, and this difference in wiring can account for many of the challenges and strengths that people with ASD face. For example, people with ASD tend to be very literal thinkers and may have difficulty understanding sarcasm, metaphors, or jokes. This literal thinking can also lead to strengths in attention to detail and pattern recognition. People with ASD may also have Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD), which means that their brain has difficulty processing sensory filtering information. This condition can lead to Sensory Overload, where an individual is bombarded with too much sensory input and becomes overwhelmed. While everyone's brain is wired differently, those with ASD tend to have more extreme differences in brain wiring than neurotypical individuals. These differences can account for many of the challenges and strengths that people with ASD face. What is Cassandra Syndrome? Cassandra syndrome is named after the Greek mythological figure cursed by Apollo. Apollo blessed her with the gift of foreseeing the future, but when she rejected his advances, he cursed her so that no one would believe her predictions. In other words, she had knowledge others didn't have, but she could not share it effectively. In neurodiverse relationships, one partner has a different way of processing information and communicating than the other, leading to misunderstandings and frustrating communication breakdowns. However, there are ways to decode Cassandra syndrome and improve communication in neurodiverse relationships. What Causes Cassandra Syndrome? There are a few different things that can cause Cassandra syndrome in neurodiverse relationships. Poor Understanding: One is simply a lack of understanding about how the other person processes information. Communicating can be challenging when we don't understand how someone else perceives the world effectively. Psychoeducation for both the neurodiverse partner and neurotypical is key in overcoming this challenge. Lack of Empathy: If we cannot see things from another person's perspective, it's easy to become wrapped up in our point of view and ignore their needs altogether. This concept is known as the empathy gap and significantly contributes to Cassandra syndrome. Different Communication Styles: Another reason Cassandra syndrome occurs is that people with ASD tend to communicate differently than neurotypical individuals. Those on the autism spectrum may not pick up on nonverbal cues, such as body language and tone of voice. They may also prefer to communicate in more literal, concrete terms, leading to miscommunication and frustration on both sides. Different Priorities: Another cause of Cassandra syndrome is that people with ASD often have different priorities than neurotypical individuals. This can lead to disagreements about what is important in a relationship and how to spend time together; it is vital to be understanding and patient as you learn about your partner's priorities. Differences in Social Skills: People with ASD often have challenges with social skills; this can make communicating difficult, leading to frustration and misunderstanding. However, there are many resources available to help improve social skills. With practice and patience, communication will improve over time. Diverse Learning Styles: We all have different ways that we learn and process information. Some are visual learners, while others are more auditory or kinesthetic. Communicating can be challenging when we don't understand someone else's learning style. Power Differential: Another cause of Cassandra syndrome is an imbalance of power in the relationship; this can result when one person feels like they are the only "normal" or the only one who understands what's happening. It's important to remember that both partners are equal and that each person's experience is valid. Cognitive Abilities: Lastly, Cassandra syndrome can be caused by a difference in cognitive abilities. People with ASD often have higher-than-average IQs, while neurotypical individuals may have average or lower-than-average IQs. This difference in cognitive abilities can lead to tension and conflict, as the neurodiverse individual may How to decode Cassandra Syndrome: If you think you might be experiencing Cassandra syndrome in your relationship, you can do a few things to help decode it. First, try to educate yourself about how your partner perceives the world and what their needs are. Reading books and articles and talking to professionals specializing in autism spectrum disorders is essential. Second, be understanding and patient as you communicate with your partner. They may not pick up on nonverbal cues or understand sarcasm, and it's important to be clear and direct. Self-esteem and patience are essential in decoding Cassandra syndrome. Third, learn about your partner's priorities and how they like to spend their time; this will help you understand their perspective and make communication easier. It's also important to be flexible and willing to compromise. Fourth, try to find ways to improve your social skills. There are many resources available online that can help with this. With practice, you'll be able to communicate better with your partner. Fifth, make an effort to connect with your partner on their level; perhaps you can become more involved in finding common interests or learning about things that are important to them. With time and patience, you can build a strong, supportive relationship. Sixth, manage your anxiety and stress levels, especially working some physical movement into your daily routine. When we're feeling overwhelmed, it can be challenging to communicate effectively. Try to take some time for yourself every day to relax and de-stress; this will help you be more patient and understanding with your partner. Lastly, remember that both partners are equal and that each person's experience is valid. Everyone has different needs and perspectives, so respecting each other's differences is essential. If you can do these things, you'll be on your way to decoding Cassandra syndrome in your relationship. Want to learn more about Cassandra Syndrome? We invite you to visit Believing Cassandra, our partner site dedicated to providing women with the support they need to heal and flourish in their relationships with neurodiverse partners. Believing Cassandra Getting Help: Cassandra syndrome can be frustrating and challenging, but there are ways to decode it and improve communication in your relationship. By educating yourself about how your partner perceives the world, being more empathetic towards their perspective, and managing any anxiety you may have, you can start rebuilding trust and communication in your relationship. There's no one-size-fits-all solution to decoding Cassandra Syndrome. It's essential to be flexible and adaptable as you navigate your relationship. You can build a strong bond with your partner. And if you think you or your partner may be experiencing Cassandra Syndrome, please reach out for help. We at the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center can provide you with the support and resources you need to decode this syndrome and improve communication in your relationship. Click Here To Match With An Expert Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

< Back Education & Specialties: Neuro-Inclusive Nourishment Specialist Bachelor of Arts in Psychology, Aurora University Certified Life Coach, Universal Coach Institute Client Focus: Neurodiverse women Individuals with Autism, ADHD, Highly Sensitive Persons Neurodiverse clients with eating struggles Neurodiverse couples Coaching Modalities: Solution-focused strategies Action planning Mindfulness techniques Motivational interviewing Journaling Cognitive-behavioral techniques My Story Hello, I'm Cassie Clayton. Since 2016, I've dedicated my career to supporting individuals on their journeys to recovery from eating disorders and mental health challenges. My path began as a Recovery Coach, inspired by my own experiences navigating recovery. Recognizing the profound impact of connection and support from those with lived experience, I've committed to helping others share their stories and find healing. Supporting Neurodiverse Couples At the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center, I specialize in working individually with a partner experiencing eating issues that affect their relationship. Understanding the intricate dynamics of neurodiverse partnerships, I provide tailored support to address these challenges. With your consent, I collaborate closely with your neurodiverse couples counselor to ensure our efforts are aligned, promoting healthier eating habits and enhancing relationship satisfaction. Neuro-inclusive Nourishment I am deeply passionate about empowering individuals to feel seen, heard, and supported without judgment. My empathetic, non-judgmental approach fosters an environment where you can thrive, receiving the encouragement and guidance needed to move forward. I specialize in helping clients articulate their visions, set attainable goals, overcome obstacles, and collaboratively develop actionable plans. In addition to one-on-one support, I've facilitated outpatient and Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) therapeutic support groups, creating safe spaces for clients to connect, process emotions, and reduce eating disorder behaviors. I prioritize meeting clients where they are and assessing their unique needs, ensuring that each individual receives tailored support throughout their recovery journey. Personalized Care In a world often dominated by diet culture and unrealistic expectations, I advocate for a personalized approach to healing one’s relationship with food and body image. I celebrate the uniqueness of each individual, understanding that there is no 'one size fits all' solution in recovery. With extensive experience working with young adults and adults facing body image issues and disordered eating, I am dedicated to helping you navigate your path to wellness. Whether your struggles have been ongoing or more recent, you deserve compassionate support and understanding. I invite you to share your story with me. Together, we can explore meaningful steps toward your recovery—because even the smallest steps can lead to significant change. Specialty Areas: Eating & Autism, Communication, Autism, ADHD, Emotional Intimacy Cassie Clayton Take an Autism Test

< Back Shea Davis, AMFT Therapist for Neurodivergent Couples, Individuals, and Families Neurodivergent connection thrives when it’s understood on its own terms. I help individuals and couples uncover what makes their relationships work—not in spite of their differences, but because of them. My Story Is the Foundation of My Work A Long-Term Neurodiverse Marriage. I didn’t come to this work by accident— I lived it long before I trained for it. For 24 years, I was married to a neurodivergent partner in a relationship filled with both deep connection and constant misunderstanding . We loved each other, but our wiring didn’t always match—and that mismatch shaped everything from how we handled conflict to how we expressed love. I know firsthand what it feels like to be in a relationship where you’re trying your hardest, but somehow still missing each other. Parenting a Neurodivergent Child I’m also the mother of two children , now 29 and 22, including a neurodivergent son who struggled deeply in traditional systems. As a parent, I was often the translator—advocating, soothing, interpreting, and holding space for a child whose brilliance the world couldn’t always see. That experience taught me the importance of co-regulation, flexibility , and finding ways to honor a child’s nervous system, not fight against it. Recovery from Addiction and Trauma And I’ve lived through collapse and rebuilding. Years ago, I walked into a 12-step meeting broken by addiction, emotional pain , and a lifetime of pushing through instead of healing. Recovery didn’t just help me get sober—it helped me reclaim my voice, learn boundaries, and rebuild relationships based on mutual safety and respect. That process of healing, integrating, and re-emerging is the lens I bring to every therapy session. Life After Betrayal and Emotional Neglect I’ve navigated betrayal, financial infidelity, and the quiet ache of emotional neglect. I’ve also felt the hope of starting over—as a single mother, as a woman in long-term recovery, and as a partner learning to love again after rupture. My blended family has been one of my greatest teachers. I understand the complications of co-parenting, the grief of unmet expectations, and the beauty that can emerge when people commit to doing things differently, even when it's hard. Working with Neurodiverse Couples Much of my clinical focus is shaped by my own long-term relationship with a neurodivergent partner. I’ve lived through the beautiful highs and painful disconnects that can come when two people with different processing styles, emotional languages, and nervous systems try to build a life together. In that relationship, we often found ourselves stuck in patterns we didn’t understand. I’d long for emotional attunement while he sought logical solutions. I’d press for closeness during conflict; he’d retreat to manage overwhelm. Over time, we developed workarounds, built shared language, and grew in our awareness—but not without struggle. Those experiences inform the way I work with couples today. Neurodiverse relationships often look confusing from the outside—and feel lonely on the inside. One partner might seek verbal connection, while the other prefers action. One might shut down under stress, while the other presses in, desperate for clarity. These dynamics aren’t about a lack of love —they’re about different operating systems . In our work together, I help you: Understand the neurology beneath the behavior Slow down reactive cycles and shift from blame to curiosity Rebuild emotional safety after chronic misattunement or betrayal Learn new ways to communicate that actually land with your partner Navigate sensory, pacing, and executive functioning differences Reimagine intimacy and connection on your terms—not the world’s I integrate Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), polyvagal theory, trauma-informed care, and structured communication tools from the Gottman Method. My goal is to help you feel seen, safe, and better equipped to relate —even when things are hard. Parenting Through a Neurodivergent Lens When I was raising my son—especially during his most difficult years—I often felt like I was operating without a roadmap. The strategies other parents used didn’t work for us. He needed something different: less pressure, more regulation support, and a deep commitment to understanding his nervous system. I had to learn how to show up in ways that were both nurturing and flexible, even when I felt depleted myself. As a therapist, I bring this lived experience into the room. I understand how isolating it can feel to be the one holding everything together—to be the parent who understands what the school system doesn’t, who translates your child’s needs to extended family, and who navigates the tension between advocacy and acceptance. I support parents who are: Co-regulating with differently wired kids while staying regulated themselves Navigating shutdowns, sensory overload, and burnout—on both sides Co-parenting after divorce or in blended family systems Wrestling with grief over unmet expectations Trying to break harmful patterns while creating new family rhythms You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be open to learning—and I’ll walk beside you as you do. Support for Blended Families When my marriage ended and I stepped into the world of co-parenting and step-parenting, I quickly realized that blending a family isn’t about forcing connection—it’s about creating space for each person’s story. Add neurodivergence to the mix, and the need for flexibility, empathy, and honest communication only grows. In my own blended family, we had to re-learn how to listen to each other . We had to acknowledge sensory needs, adjust expectations around emotional expression, and recognize that some members of the family processed grief or change much more slowly—or more intensely—than others. There was no one-size-fits-all approach. As someone who has built and lived in a blended family with neurodivergent members, I support: Step-parenting roles and boundaries that evolve over time Navigating loyalty binds and emotional shifts with compassion and clarity Repairing ruptures in co-parenting or ex-spouse dynamics Helping new partners understand neurodivergent kids and their unique wiring Developing shared rituals and rhythms that work for your family’s actual neurobiology Blended doesn’t mean broken. Neurodivergence doesn’t mean incompatible. Together, we can create something flexible, respectful, and uniquely yours. Working with Addiction and Neurodivergence My recovery journey began with hitting rock bottom—and then learning to rebuild a life from the inside out. For me, addiction wasn’t just about substances. It was about managing overwhelm, avoiding emotional pain, and trying to cope in a world that often felt too intense. As I later came to understand more about neurodivergence, it became clear how intertwined the two could be . Many neurodivergent individuals develop addictive behaviors as a way to soothe sensory overload, mask social confusion, or cope with chronic rejection . And unfortunately, many recovery spaces aren’t built to hold that complexity. In my work with clients at this intersection, I help you: Identify the neurodivergent roots of addictive behaviors Explore sensory-friendly and emotionally attuned recovery strategies Navigate recovery spaces that may feel rigid, triggering, or misaligned Manage co-occurring challenges like executive dysfunction or trauma Build sustainable recovery that makes space for your full self You don’t need to choose between being seen as someone in recovery or someone who’s neurodivergent. I’ll help you hold both—without shame. Who I Work With Neurodivergent adults (diagnosed or self-identified) Neurodiverse couples (ND/NT or ND/ND) Partners of autistic or ADHD individuals Parents of neurodivergent children Adults in recovery from addiction, betrayal trauma, or relational chaos Individuals navigating blended family dynamics and second-chapter relationships What I Bring I bring the lived experience of neurodivergence, depression, anxiety, and addiction. I bring decades of parenting through challenge, the insight of a long-term neurodiverse marriage, and the resilience of someone who’s rebuilt from the ground up. My therapy room is a space where you don’t have to perform, explain, or justify how your brain works. You get to be fully yourself—and that’s where real change begins. License & Employment Information Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #154799 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Cassandra Syndrome, Communication, IFS, Addiction, Trauma, Blended Families, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Accepting New Individual Clients Only, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, ADHD, Attachment, Divorce, Discernment, Emotion Focused Therapy, General Couples Coaching, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients Shea Davis Take an Autism Test

Trauma-Informed Neurodiverse Couples Therapy HEAL YOUR TRAUMA AND YOUR RELATIONSHIPS When one or both partners have been traumatized by relationship patterns rooted in their neuro-differences, the partners must overcome two distinct challenges: Heal the trauma , and Understand and build bridges across the neurological differences. Unfortunately, most approaches to Neurodiverse couples counseling do not adequately address the trauma. As a result, couples get stuck in trauma-fed reactive behaviors that keep them stuck. The diagram here explains Trauma-Informed Neurodiverse Couples Therapy as the path to lasting healing. Your therapist or coach will walk you step-by-step through the healing process. Trauma Cycle in Neurodiverse Couples This is the loop that keeps partners stuck. If you don’t interrupt it intentionally, it runs the relationship. Step 1: NT (Neuro-Typical) “Regular World” Reality: Everyday neurotypical norms create unintentional pressure on the ND partner to “be NT.” What it looks like: Rapid back-and-forth talk; reading between the lines; tone policing Unwritten rules about plans, timing, eye contact, social energy “If you cared, you’d just…” expectations across chores, parenting, money, sex, planning Impact: Not malice—just the default water the NT partner swims in. It still lands as pressure. Step 2: ND (Neuro-Divergent) – 1st-Level Coping (Masking) Reality: The ND partner masks to survive home/work demands. What it looks like: Acting “NT” to keep peace; rehearsed scripts; heavy self-monitoring High cognitive load, low authenticity; people-pleasing to avoid conflict Use Red/Yellow/Green capacity signals to communicate bandwidth without a fight Support moves: Masking boundaries: Agree on where masking is optional vs. harmful Spoon budgeting: Plan energy; stop spending spoons just to look “normal” Step 3: ND – Physical Cost Reality: Masking + constant adaptation drain the body. Fatigue hits. What it looks like: Sleep disruption; sensory hangovers; headaches, gut issues, immune dips Rising shutdown risk Support moves: Put Sleep • Food • Movement on a schedule (non-negotiable) Pre-plan recovery blocks, not “if there’s time” Step 4: ND – 2nd-Level Coping (Withdrawal) Reality: The ND partner withdraws to stabilize. What it looks like: Numbness or quiet; fewer words; reduced participation Looks like disinterest; actually a safety strategy Support moves (both partners): NT self-regulate first —don’t pursue while activated Use W.I.N. messages (see tool below) instead of criticism Schedule Critical Time Together (low-demand, predictable, short) Use a Relationship Schedule to kill decision fatigue Step 5: NT Trauma / “Cassandra Syndrome” Reality: The NT partner becomes flooded and feels unheard/rejected. What it looks like: Pursuing harder; “pep talks” that land as pressure; criticism spikes Rejection sensitivity on both sides escalates the spiral Support moves: Name the flood and pause Replace global criticism with specific, time-boxed asks using W.I.N. Step 6: ND – 3rd-Level Coping (Meltdown/Shutdown) Reality: The system tips. Meltdown or shutdown . What it looks like: Meltdown: escalation, overwhelm, explosive reactivity Shutdown: silent collapse, freeze, “checked out” Aftermath: regret, shame, isolation Emergency tools (decide in calm): Early-cue mindfulness (notice body first) Structured Time-Out (10 rules) : how to exit, where to go, how long, how to return Recovery Schedule to re-enter safely Step 7: ND – Trauma Impact (Loop Reset) Reality: Repetition hardens defenses and a failure narrative . What it looks like: “I’m the problem,” constant threat-scanning, distrust, depression/anxiety Living around the cycle instead of in relationship Support moves to stop the reset: Critical Time Apart (planned decompression, not punishment) Structured Exit Process during conflict to protect the bond Withdraw with reassurance (“I’m stepping away to calm, not to leave”) Committed re-engagement at a named time with a clear script Core Tools (Use Across the Cycle) Capacity & Energy Red/Yellow/Green Cards for bandwidth Spoon Theory for daily energy budgeting Communication & Safety W.I.N. Sharing + Response for hard topics (above) Structured Time-Outs (10 rules) for safe exits and returns Early-cue Mindfulness to spot escalation sooner Connection & Rhythm Relationship Schedule (predictable check-ins; low-demand time) Love List (small, specific actions that land for your partner) Critical Time Together (short, consistent, sensory-aware) Critical Time Apart (planned decompression) Recovery & Re-engagement Recovery Schedule after conflict Withdraw with reassurance Committed re-engagement at a specific time with a simple script The W.I.N. Tool Purpose: Clean, concrete communication that reduces overload and defensiveness. It has two sides: Sharing (speaker) and Response (listener). (From your handout.) 1) W.I.N. — Sharing (Speaker) When ____________________ (State your observations as facts —no judgments or mind-reading.) Example: “When I got home Wednesday, dishes were in the sink even though we agreed they’d be washed and put away.” I feel ____________________ (Name feelings, not accusations.) Example: “I feel disappointed, unsupported, and confused.” What I Need / would like to Negotiate is ____________________ (Make a specific, negotiable ask.) Example: “I need us to work better as a team and want to revisit how we share chores.” 2) W.I.N. — Response (Listener) Reflect the “When.” Show you heard the factual observation; use reflective listening. Validate the “I feel.” Example validation frame: “I can see how you’d feel disappointed and unsupported when you came home to unwashed dishes—that makes sense.” Be curious about the “N/Needs.” Ask open questions; invite options and shared problem-solving. Example: “Tell me more about what ‘better team’ looks like. What ideas do you have for chore-sharing?” Non-negotiables: Reflect → Validate → Curiosity (in that order). No fixing, defending, or counter-attacks during Response. The Good News If you change any of the steps above , the cycle begins to change . Pick two tools (W.I.N. + one scheduling or capacity tool) and practice them every day for four weeks . Consistency—not intensity—breaks the loop. Download Below: Trauma Cycle - Neurodiverse Couples -backup 8-12-22.pdf-2 .pdf Download PDF • 132KB Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

< Back About: Dr. Motro has made working with neurodiverse community the centerpiece of his life. He has extensive personal experiences with neurodiversity and believes that typical couples counseling falls far short for neurodiverse couples. Accordingly, he has dedicated his practice to providing life-changing counseling for these special but often misunderstood couples. His background includes the following: he spent his earlier work life in technology and then chose a second career in helping others, he is the founder and clinical director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center where he collaborates with other therapists equally dedicated to the neurodiverse community. he has collaborated with his team to develop specialized tools to assist neurodiverse couples, he serves as an adjunct graduate school psychology professor where he has incorporated neurodiverse couples counseling into the teaching curriculum, he is a clinical supervisor of other neurodiverse couples therapists, he serves on non-profit boards including, New Path Couples Therapy and Therapy in Motion. he has been married 40 years and the proud parent of adult children , and he has received specialized couples training at the Master's & Doctoral levels. His interest in neurodiverse couples is rooted in his personal life, his prior work in technology, and because his psychology practice is based in Silicon Valley, a neurodiversity hot spot. NEURODIVERSE COUPLES: Most neurodiverse couples start off woefully uninformed about their differences and how to support and accept each other. This misinformation leads to misunderstanding, which eventually morphs into the belief that the other partner is purposely cruel or simply uncaring. Emotional walls come up and intimacy fades and then dies. The most important part of our work in therapy is to free you from this painful blame and shame cycle. We work to gradually reframe how you understand and see each other, reshaping your patterns, and allowing a new relationship to blossom. You can read more on his approach to Neurodiversity at: https://www.harrymotro.com/therapy-for-neurodiverse-couples . Other areas of focus (in addition to Neurodiversity): General Couples Therapy Affair Recovery Sex addiction Modalities: Trauma-focused Neurodiverse Couples Therapy , Emotion Focused Therapy, Imago Therapy, Gottman, Person-Centered, Existential, Couples-Based CBT, Behavioral, Internal Family Systems, Experiential, Positive Psychology Clients: Couples and Families only License: California / LMFT53452 Contact Harry Specialty Areas: Christian, ND at Work, Discernment, Internal Family Systems, Emotion Focused Therapy Harry Motro Take an Autism Test

Fees, out-of-network insurance, Superbills, HSA and FSA, cancellation, video sessions and how to begin with New Path Family of Therapy Centers, Inc. General Practice FAQ's Show the full page text Frequently Asked Questions for General Practice These are the general practice questions we are asked most often about working with Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center — fees, insurance, scheduling, video sessions, privacy, and how to begin. Questions specific to neurodiverse couples and relationships are answered on our neurodiverse couples FAQ . If you would rather simply start, you can request a match with a therapist or coach and we will reply within 24 hours. Getting Started Who provides the therapy and coaching described on this site? All therapy, assessment and coaching is provided by New Path Family of Therapy Centers, Inc., a California professional corporation. Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center is one of its virtual centers, and the answers on this page describe how that organization works. New Path Family of Therapy Centers, Inc. is a separate organization from New Path Family, the 501(c)(3) nonprofit that publishes the free Learning Center and Worksheet Library . The two share a founder. Neither owns the other, neither pays the other, and the nonprofit provides no clinical services and receives nothing when you become a client here. What is the first step to getting started? Fill out our contact form . Within 24 hours we will reply with a recommended therapist or coach, their background, fee, and contact information. You can then reach out to them directly or wait for them to contact you. Who will my therapist or coach be? We match you based on your goals, preferences, and fee range. When you complete our intake form , that information is used to identify the clinician most likely to be a good fit. You will receive their background and fee before any commitment is required. Can we speak with a therapist before committing? Yes. Every therapist and coach on our team offers a complimentary 15 to 20 minute consultation by Zoom or phone. It is a short conversation to help you get a sense of the person and decide if you want to move forward. There is no obligation at the end of the call. How will I know if the therapist is a good fit? A good fit involves both clinical alignment and personal comfort. You want someone whose approach matches how you think and communicate, and with whom you feel safe enough to be honest. The complimentary consultation is specifically designed to help you assess this before committing to a first session. What if the therapist is not the right match? Just let us know and we will find you someone else. There is no awkwardness in this — finding the right fit is part of the process, and we will keep working with you until we get it right. Fees How much do sessions cost? Session fees vary by clinician based on their experience, training, and specialization. Fees generally range from $150 to $350 per 50-minute session. After you complete our intake form, you will be matched with a therapist or coach whose fee aligns with what you indicated you can invest. We ask about your fee range in the intake process so we can make the best possible match from the start. If you plan to use in-network insurance, your cost per session is set by your plan rather than by the clinician's fee — see the Insurance questions on this page. Do you offer a sliding scale or reduced fee? A small number of our therapists and coaches offer reduced-fee appointments on a limited basis. Availability is not guaranteed and may be for a limited duration rather than an open-ended commitment. This is entirely at the discretion of the individual clinician and is not available practice-wide. If cost is a concern, the best approach is to have a direct conversation with your therapist or coach during your consultation. We would rather have that honest conversation than have cost be a barrier to getting started. Sliding scale applies to private-pay care only. If you are using in-network insurance, your cost is set by your plan and we cannot discount or waive it. Insurance Are you in-network or out-of-network with insurance? We are in-network with Aetna, and we are working to join additional insurance networks. If you have an Aetna plan, we bill Aetna directly and your only cost is the share your plan sets for you — a copay, coinsurance, or an amount toward your deductible. For all other insurance companies we are an out-of-network provider. If your plan includes out-of-network benefits, we provide a monthly Superbill you can submit to your insurer for reimbursement. Our therapists are licensed in California, so therapy — and therefore insurance — is available only to clients located in California. The questions below explain how both options work. How does using my Aetna coverage work? Let us know that you have Aetna when you fill out our contact form . Before your first session we will usually confirm your coverage with Aetna and tell you what you can expect to owe per session, and you will sign our Insurance Agreement and Fee Consent, which authorizes us to bill Aetna on your behalf. After each session we submit the claim directly to Aetna, and you pay only the share your plan assigns to you — a copay, a coinsurance percentage, or an amount toward your deductible. You can also check your plan documents or the Aetna member portal, or call the member services number on your card and ask about your outpatient mental health telehealth benefits. Coaching is a separate non-clinical service and is not billed to insurance. How does out-of-network insurance reimbursement work? If we are not in-network with your insurance company, you can still use out-of-network benefits if your plan includes them. We provide a monthly Superbill that contains all the information your insurer requires, including diagnosis codes and CPT codes, and you submit it to your insurer directly — reimbursement then goes to you. In some cases we may be able to submit an out-of-network claim on your behalf where your plan permits it; just ask. For out-of-network and private-pay clients, payment for therapy is due at the time of the session. Your credit card on file is charged automatically at midnight on the day of the session. You will also receive an automated monthly invoice on the first of each month. Does insurance cover couples therapy? Whether you are using in-network coverage or out-of-network reimbursement, most insurance plans require at least one person in the session to carry a clinical diagnosis. For couples therapy, this typically means one partner receives a diagnosis such as Adjustment Disorder (DSM-5 309.9 / F43.20), which is a recognized and common response to relational stress. Your therapist will discuss this with you in advance so you understand what is being documented and why. What questions should I ask my insurance company? If you have Aetna, ask about your in-network outpatient mental health benefits — your copay, coinsurance, and how much of your deductible remains. If you are using out-of-network benefits with another insurer, call the member services number on your insurance card and ask: 1. Does my plan cover out-of-network outpatient psychotherapy? 2. What is my reimbursement rate for CPT codes 90834-95, 90837-95, and 90847-95? 3. Is there an annual session limit for outpatient therapy? 4. What percentage of the allowed amount is reimbursed, and what is the allowed amount per session? 5. Do I need a referral or pre-authorization? 6. Do I have a deductible? How much has been met this year? 7. Is telehealth (video) therapy covered at the same level as in-person care? 8. How do I submit claims, and what is the mailing or portal address? Get the name of the representative you spoke with and note the date, as this creates a record if there is a dispute later. What CPT codes should I expect on my Superbill? The CPT code depends on the type and length of session. Because all of our sessions are conducted by video, every code on your Superbill carries the telehealth modifier -95. Individual therapy: 90832-95 - 16 to 37 minutes 90834-95 - 38 to 52 minutes 90837-95 - 53 minutes or more Couples or family therapy (most common for our practice): 90847-95 - 26 minutes or more Coaching CPT codes (used by some progressive insurers and employers): 0591T-95 - Initial health and well-being coaching assessment 0592T-95 - Follow-up coaching session, 30 minutes or more Note that coaching Superbills do not include a diagnosis code. Some insurers require a diagnosis for reimbursement, which means coaching sessions are typically not reimbursable. Can I use my HSA or FSA account? Many therapy clients have successfully used HSA and FSA accounts to cover session costs, including copays and deductible amounts for in-network care. For out-of-network care, we provide a Superbill as documentation. Coaching clients may also qualify with a letter of medical necessity from their physician. Because HSA and FSA eligibility rules vary by plan and we are not tax specialists, we recommend confirming with your account administrator before assuming coverage. Do you accept Medicare? No. Our licensed clinicians have opted out of Medicare, and California registered associates are not able to enroll in Medicare at all. Neither we nor you can submit any claim to Medicare, Medicare Advantage, or a Medigap plan for our services. If you are a Medicare beneficiary, we can still work with you: you sign a written private-pay agreement, and if you also have commercial insurance through work or a spouse, we may still be able to bill that plan as usual. Coaching What is the difference between coaching and psychotherapy? This is one of the most important distinctions to understand, both for your benefit and for ours. PSYCHOTHERAPY is a licensed, state-regulated clinical service. Our therapists are licensed by the State of California and operate under the laws, ethics codes, and scope of practice defined by their licensure. In psychotherapy, we may work with diagnosable mental health conditions, and we document treatment in compliance with healthcare regulations. Psychotherapy is available to California residents only. COACHING is a distinct, non-clinical service. When we provide coaching, we are not practicing psychotherapy. We do not diagnose, we do not conduct clinical assessments, we do not provide clinical treatment, and we do not generate medical records. Coaching is focused on growth, skill-building, communication improvement, and relationship goals. Coaching is available to clients anywhere. WHAT STAYS THE SAME is that all of our professionals bring their full clinical training, experience, and neuro-informed expertise to both services. We understand the brain, nervous system, attachment science, and relational patterns at a deep level, and that knowledge informs everything we do regardless of the service framework. The difference is in the legal and clinical structure, not in the quality or depth of the work. We use separate intake forms, agreements, and documentation structures for coaching versus psychotherapy. If you are unsure which service is right for you, we will help you figure that out before any work begins. This protects both you and us. Coaching is not typically reimbursed by insurance. Some progressive employers and insurers do honor coaching CPT codes 0591T-95 and 0592T-95. You can ask your employer or insurer if they honor these codes. Do you provide coaching outside of California? Yes. Our therapists are licensed to practice psychotherapy in California only. Outside of California, they provide couples and relationship coaching exclusively. Coaching is available to clients anywhere in the world via video. Coaching fees range from $150 to $350 per 50-minute session depending on the clinician. Video Therapy Do you offer in-person sessions? We are a fully virtual practice. All sessions are conducted via secure, encrypted video. This allows us to serve therapy clients throughout California, and coaching clients anywhere, without the constraints of a physical office location. Does video therapy really work for couples? Yes, and many couples find it more effective than they expected. The couple is physically together in their own environment while the therapist or coach joins remotely. This allows partners to experience each other's body language, tone, and physical presence naturally, which is actually one of the most important ingredients in couples work. The therapist being slightly removed on screen tends to reduce the intensity in the room and allows partners to focus on each other more directly, rather than playing to a third person in the space. Combined with access to highly specialized clinicians who may not exist locally, and the elimination of commute time and childcare logistics, video works very well for the couples we serve. For best results: sit in two separate chairs, both visible to the camera, in a private space where you feel comfortable speaking openly. How is video conferencing kept secure? We use two video platforms depending on the therapist or coach: Google Meet and SimplePractice Video. Google Meet encrypts all video and audio in transit using TLS (Transport Layer Security) and DTLS-SRTP for media streams. Meetings are protected with strong unique codes, and Google applies multiple anti-hijacking and anti-abuse controls at the infrastructure level. SimplePractice Video is built specifically for healthcare providers and holds HITRUST CSF certification, which is one of the most rigorous third-party security certifications in healthcare technology. It uses always-on TLS encryption for data in transit, AES-256 encryption for data at rest, and enforces two-step verification for all clinician accounts. We take platform security seriously and select tools specifically for their commitment to protecting your information. General Therapy What should I expect in a first therapy session? The first session is typically a double session, meaning it runs longer than a standard appointment. This gives your therapist or coach time to understand your background, hear from both partners, begin to identify the patterns at play, and start building a picture of your goals. You are not expected to have everything figured out. The first session is about establishing safety and beginning to understand the landscape of your relationship. Will talking in therapy make things better or worse? Our therapists and coaches work hard to create a structured, emotionally regulated environment where difficult conversations are possible. You will learn a highly structured way to communicate that feels different from the conversations you have been having on your own. The goal is not simply to talk more, but to talk differently, in ways that feel safe and lead somewhere productive. If previous attempts to discuss difficult topics have devolved into arguments, that is actually one of the things we are specifically trained to address. You will not simply be left to argue in front of a professional. How often are sessions? Most clients begin with weekly sessions to build momentum and develop a working understanding of the patterns in the relationship. As progress develops, many move to every other week, which creates more space to practice new skills between sessions. If the relationship is in acute crisis, weekly or more frequent sessions may be necessary in the early stages. Sessions typically shift to an as-needed basis once significant goals have been reached and the couple feels confident applying what they have learned. What is the difference between a therapist and an associate therapist? Our clinicians include fully licensed therapists as well as associate-level therapists and counselors who are completing their post-graduate supervised hours en route to full licensure. California requires thousands of supervised hours before a clinician can practice independently, making this one of the most rigorous credentialing processes in the country. Associate-level clinicians here include: AMFT (Associate Marriage and Family Therapist) - Completed a Master's degree in Marriage and Family Therapy or a related field from an accredited program. Working toward the Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) credential. APCC (Associate Professional Clinical Counselor) - Completed a Master's degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling or a related field. Working toward the Licensed Professional Clinical Counselor (LPCC) credential, which requires demonstrating competency in diagnosis and treatment across a range of populations. ACSW (Associate Clinical Social Worker) - Completed a Master's degree in Social Work (MSW) from an accredited program. Working toward the Licensed Clinical Social Worker (LCSW) credential, which emphasizes systemic and contextual factors alongside individual and relational treatment. All associate clinicians at our centers: - Have completed their graduate degree from an accredited program - Have passed the California Law and Ethics Exam required for registration - Practice under the regular supervision of a fully licensed clinician - Meet weekly with their supervisor to review cases, discuss clinical questions, and receive ongoing training and feedback As a client working with an associate clinician, you benefit from the direct relationship with your therapist or coach AND the oversight and guidance of their supervisor. In effect, you have access to two clinical minds working on your behalf. All associate work is held to the same ethical and clinical standards as our fully licensed staff. What commitment is required for a recurring appointment? Consistency is one of the most important factors in therapeutic outcomes. If you miss 50% or more of scheduled appointments in a two-month period, your therapist or coach will have a direct conversation with you about whether the recurring structure is working. There is no judgment in this, but therapy and coaching both require enough regularity to build on what is being learned between sessions. What does winding down therapy or coaching look like? When you have made significant progress and are consistently applying what you have learned, the natural next step is transitioning to an as-needed schedule. Your therapist or coach will help you identify when you are ready for this shift. Most clinicians do not hold monthly recurring slots, so you would book sessions through the client portal when you want them. Sessions can typically be booked up to two weeks ahead. This transition is worth acknowledging as the milestone it is. Can faith or spirituality be part of our work? Yes. Several of our therapists and coaches are equipped to integrate spirituality and faith into sessions, but only when you explicitly request it. Our goal is always to match you with a clinician who provides care that fits your worldview, values, and background. We serve clients across a wide range of faith traditions and none. Will therapy or coaching work if my partner is abusive? We do not recommend couples therapy or coaching when there is an abusive dynamic present. Abuse is a power and safety issue, not a communication problem. Couples work is designed for two people with roughly equal standing, and applying it in an abusive dynamic can inadvertently give an abuser material to use against their partner outside of sessions. If you are unsure whether your situation involves abuse, we recommend starting with an individual session to assess the situation privately and safely. If couples work is appropriate, we will help determine the right format and timing. Resources: National Domestic Violence Hotline: thehotline.org, available 24 hours a day Love Is Respect: loveisrespect.org, focused on younger adults Scheduling What is your cancellation policy? Your appointment time is reserved exclusively for you. We require at least 48 hours notice to cancel or reschedule. Without that notice, you will be charged the full session fee. If a true, unforeseeable emergency such as sudden illness, an accident, or a death in the family kept you away, tell us what happened and we will consider waiving the fee. Work conflicts and scheduling changes do not qualify as emergencies under this policy. Late cancellation fees cannot be submitted to insurance. If one partner is unexpectedly unavailable, we can often offer a video session with the available partner rather than lose the appointment time. What happens if I am late to a session? Because we are fully virtual, arriving late means joining the call after the scheduled start time. Sessions begin and end at the scheduled time regardless of when you join. If you are late, your session will be shorter — and if we have not heard from you within 10 minutes of the start time, the appointment may be treated as a missed session, so send a quick message if you are running late. If your therapist or coach starts late on their end, they will extend the session to give you your full time whenever possible. Policies How do you handle contact between sessions? For the most secure communication outside of sessions, SimplePractice includes an encrypted client messaging feature that provides end-to-end protections beyond standard email. Ask your therapist or coach to activate it for your account. If you prefer to use email, you may do so understanding that email in transit between your inbox and ours passes through servers we do not control, and we cannot guarantee its security. Whether using secure messaging or email, please keep communications to administrative matters such as scheduling only. We ask that you avoid putting sensitive personal information in writing outside of sessions. If you are in couples work, please copy your partner on any communication you send to your therapist or coach. This maintains transparency and trust in the process. For emergencies, call 911 or 988 immediately. Our therapists and coaches do not provide crisis counseling or emergency services. Will you connect with me on social media? No. Our therapists and coaches do not accept friend or contact requests from current or former clients on any social networking platform including Facebook, LinkedIn, or Instagram. This protects your confidentiality and maintains the professional boundaries that are essential to the therapeutic relationship. Privacy How is our personal information kept secure? Session notes, billing, scheduling, and client records are managed through SimplePractice, a platform built specifically for mental health and healthcare providers. SimplePractice holds HITRUST CSF certification, one of the most comprehensive and rigorous third-party security certifications in the healthcare technology industry. Their infrastructure uses AES-256 encryption for data at rest, TLS encryption for all data in transit, role-based access controls, multi-factor authentication for all clinician accounts, continuous audit logging, and independently verified penetration testing. For communication outside of sessions, all of our clinicians use Google Workspace for email. Google Workspace applies enterprise-grade security including encryption in transit between Google servers and strong spam and phishing protections. However, once an email leaves Google's infrastructure, it travels through intermediate servers we do not control. We cannot guarantee the security of email in transit between your inbox and ours. If you send us sensitive information via regular email, you are accepting that inherent risk. For more secure communication, SimplePractice includes an encrypted client messaging feature with end-to-end protections beyond what standard email provides. Ask your therapist or coach to activate this feature for your account if you would like a more secure channel for non-urgent communication between sessions. What is kept confidential in sessions? Everything shared in sessions is confidential. We will not acknowledge that you are a client, disclose session content, or share any information with any third party without your written consent. There are specific legal exceptions to confidentiality: 1. If a client presents a serious risk of harm to themselves 2. If a client threatens serious harm to another person 3. If there is reasonable suspicion of abuse or neglect of a child under 18 4. If there is reasonable suspicion of abuse or neglect of an elderly or dependent adult 5. If a court issues a valid legal subpoena 6. If treatment is ordered by a court If you use insurance, we also share the information your plan needs to pay claims, as described in the insurance agreement you sign. In all other circumstances, your privacy is fully protected. If your therapist or coach sees you in public, they will not acknowledge you first, to avoid inadvertently disclosing the therapeutic relationship. Are sessions recorded? No. We do not record sessions, and clients may not record sessions either — that includes audio, video, screen captures, and AI notetaker tools. Taking your own written or typed notes is always welcome. In rare situations, your therapist or coach may suggest recording for a specific purpose. That happens only with your separate written consent, and declining never affects your care. Separately, your therapist or coach may use secure, approved AI tools to help prepare their session notes. This works through temporary speech-to-text processing — no audio or video of your session is kept, and only the final note your clinician reviews becomes part of the record. If you prefer that AI not be used in your care, just tell your therapist or coach in writing and we will stop. More from Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Explore the rest of the practice: FAQs for neurodiverse couples , our therapists and coaches , free self-discovery screeners , the Neurodiverse Couples Check-Up , the Learning Center , and resources for neurodiverse couples . We also work with families and teens , run neurodiverse couples retreats , publish a quick guide , and write regularly on the blog . To begin, get started here .

Why autistic and neurotypical partners are drawn together "like magnets" — the strengths each brings, and how to keep that early spark alive.

< Back Alyssa Bayus Neurodiverse Couples Specialist | Associate Marriage and Family Therapist My Story Childhood: Reading the Room Early My parents divorced when I was born, so I grew up moving between homes, rhythms, and emotional climates. From an early age I learned to listen closely—to notice the small cues, the shifts in tone, the unspoken needs. That constant translating between worlds became its own kind of training, teaching me how to understand and attune to the nervous systems around me. It’s from that place of lived experience that this work first took root. Marriage: Lessons from the Inside I spent more than twenty years in a marriage that became a deep teacher for me—showing me so much about attachment, conflict, boundaries , and the tender truth that real change only lasts when both people are willing to look inward and try new patterns together. T hose years softened and steadied me. They made me practical, grounded, and clear about what truly helps people grow and stay connected. And when that marriage ended, the divorce became its own initiation. I had to start again—slowly, honestly, and with a courage I didn’t know I had. That experience didn’t harden me; it expanded me. It taught me that rebuilding is possible, that beginning again can be an act of wisdom, and that life after loss can be deeply alive and meaningful. Motherhood: Immersed in Neurodiversity I’m the parent of three wonderful kids who each learn and relate differently. ADHD is the loudest drumbeat in our home— time blindness, task initiation, emotional intensity, sleep shifts, school demands , and the constant need to right-size expectations. We’ve chased accurate diagnoses, weighed medication trade-offs, and rebuilt routines as they grew. Autism is also part of our extended family, so I understand the sensory and communication layers that shape daily life. I don’t treat neurodiversity as theory; I live it. How I Help Neurodiverse Couples I work with couples where one or both partners are autistic or ADHD. The goal is simple: reduce friction, increase connection, and build systems that fit your actual brains. What we map together Communication styles and processing speeds (literal vs. inferential, fast vs. deliberate). Sensory profiles (sound, light, touch, pacing) and how they affect conflict and intimacy. Executive-function load: who’s cueing, who’s tracking, and what regularly gets dropped. Stress cycles: masking, overwhelm, shutdown, and how each partner signals “I’m done.” What we build Effective rituals for connection, conflict repair, and de-escalation that either partner can start. Division-of-labor plans tied to energy and executive function, not wishful thinking. Conversation “lane markers”: slow starts, structured turns, timeouts that don’t feel like rejection. Sensory-informed intimacy plans (pressure/tempo/context/aftercare) that make closeness easier to reach. Burnout buffers : predictable recovery windows, transition cues, and re-entry scripts. A shared language for differences so misunderstandings stop turning into character judgments. How we work in session Short, plain language; concrete skills; measurable follow-through. One page of “what we’re trying” each week—small, repeatable, testable. Accountability and empathy in the same room. Methods I draw from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) The Gottman Method Neurodiversity-informed psychoeducation and skills training Habit and routine design based on executive-function science Results you can expect Fewer blowups, faster resets. Less guessing, more predictable connection. Systems that survive real weeks, not fantasy ones. Parenting Support for ADHD and Autism Parenting neurodivergent kids is a moving target. I help you trade shame and “shoulds” for fit and function. Core tools we focus on: Executive-function scaffolds: externalize plans (visual schedules, timers, “next two steps” lists), create “ready states,” and use time anchors to cut decision fatigue. Motivation and momentum: short horizons, immediate feedback, two-minute starts, novelty cycles without turning life into a prize hunt. Regulation and meltdowns: map heat zones, co-regulate first, solve later; keep debriefs brief and blame-free. Sensory and environment: identify triggers, build predictable retreats, and translate “won’t” into “can’t yet under these conditions.” School/IEP/504 : write short, winnable requests; design a weekly homework rhythm that anticipates energy dips. Family load: rotate the “primary executive” role, write silent defaults (what happens if nobody cues), and use micro-handoffs. Outcome Calmer days, more follow-through, and systems you can keep when life gets busy. Money and Relationships Before becoming a therapist, I worked as a financial planner and advisor. The biggest problems weren’t math—they were meaning: safety, control, freedom, fairness, respect. Executive-function differences and processing mismatches add extra friction. I will help you lower it. What we do Build a shared language : turn “too much spending” into specific thresholds, categories, and timeframes. Separate values from methods so you stop arguing about tools and start aligning on what matters. Protect the relationship: clear roles, cool-off rules for high-stakes purchases, and scheduled repair talks. Result Money stops running the relationship. You get calm, clarity, and a plan that sticks. Sexual Addiction and Betrayal Although this bio centers neurodiversity, I also work with couples facing sexual acting out and betrayal using a structured pathway that prioritizes safety for the betrayed partner and accountability for the acting-out partner. If that’s your situation, ask about my dedicated track. Faith and Mindfulness I was raised in both Catholic and Protestant traditions and now consider myself spiritual. I value mindfulness and welcome couples from all faith backgrounds—and none. Your values lead the work. Personal Interests Golf keeps me present. Pickleball brings energy and fun. Horseback riding sharpens the nonverbal listening I use every day in therapy. I have fostered over 50 dogs and I love all animals. Education and Training M.A., Marriage and Family Therapy, National University, 2009 B.A., Sociology, Ithaca College, 1994 License & Employment Information Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT #158340 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers If You’re Ready If you want less friction and more connection—with systems that fit your brains and your life—I’m ready when you are. Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Emotional Intimacy, Communication, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Emotion Focused Therapy, Blended Families, Cassandra Syndrome, Divorce, General Couples Coaching, Attachment, ADHD, Emotional Regulation, Life Transitions, Not Accepting New Clients Alyssa Bayus Take an Autism Test

A private, customized couples therapy retreat for neurodiverse (autism/ADHD) couples. Virtual or in-person in California — 1, 2, or 3 days.

< Back Chris Mercurio Neurodiverse Couples Specialist | Associate Marriage and Family Therapist At a Glance Neurodiverse couples and individuals Systems thinker with 20 years in tech Author of Therapy for Engineers and Everyone Else Integrative clinician focused on getting unstuck Trauma informed, neurodiversity affirming Long-term recovery I work with neurodiverse couples and individuals who feel stuck in patterns that logic alone cannot resolve. Many of the people I see are thoughtful, capable, and deeply invested in their relationships, yet continue to run into the same breakdowns around communication, emotional connection, and day-to-day functioning. My work focuses on helping people understand why these patterns persist and how to interrupt them in ways that actually fit their nervous systems. Much of my clinical focus is with ADHD neurotypical–neurodivergent and dual-neurodivergent couples navigating pursuit–withdraw cycles, invisible labor imbalances, emotional overload, and chronic misunderstanding. I also work with neurodivergent individuals experiencing burnout, masking exhaustion, executive dysfunction, and grief related to late diagnosis or long-term misattunement. Rather than organizing my work around a single modality, I use an integrative framework built around five core elements that consistently drive change across effective therapies: Experience and Emotion Change requires more than insight. We work with lived emotional experience, not just ideas about it. Brain and Body Integration Patterns are held in the nervous system, not just the mind. Regulation and pacing matter. Parts and Wholeness Conflicting internal states are understood as adaptive responses, not pathology, and worked with rather than overridden. Healing Relationship Safety, attunement, and direct communication are central. The relationship itself is part of the work. Insight and Awareness Insight emerges once regulation and safety are in place, allowing new choices rather than repeated reactions. These elements allow flexibility. We enter where it feels safest and most accessible rather than forcing a sequence that does not fit the person or couple in front of me. Personal Background & Perspective My understanding of neurodivergent relationship dynamics began early. I grew up in a household shaped by a parent's undiagnosed ADHD, navigating the daily realities of different communication styles, emotional regulation patterns, and stress responses across nearly two decades of family life. Those formative years taught me what it means to live inside the friction of mismatched operating systems in intimate relationships. Not as an observer, but as someone adapting to and learning from those differences daily. I've also navigated neurodivergent dynamics in adult partnerships and spent nearly two decades working in tech environments where ADHD and autistic cognitive styles were common. While workplace collaboration differs from intimate partnership, that professional immersion reinforced my understanding of neurodivergent patterns as natural variation rather than dysfunction. These combined experiences inform my belief that people are stuck, not broken, and that sustainable change requires working with nervous system realities rather than overriding them. What to Expect in Session I communicate directly and literally while staying sensitive to your feelings. I help uncover unspoken or implied meanings. Sessions are structured, collaborative, and goal-oriented. I accommodate neurodivergent needs including movement, fidgeting, reduced eye contact, and written summaries when helpful. Resistance is understood as regulation rather than defiance. We work with what your nervous system can tolerate rather than pushing past it. Clients often tell me they feel understood without being pathologized. License, Training, & More Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #156566 Trained in ACT, CBT, DBT, EFT, IFS, and Process Therapy Couples work integrates Gottman, Couples Institute, and EFT for Couples Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology, Santa Clara University Author of Therapy for Engineers and Everyone Else Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients, Neurodiverse Couples, ADHD, Autism, Communication, ACT, CBT, DBT, Emotional Intimacy, Addiction, ND at Work, ASD/Allistic Couples, AuDHD, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, Discernment, Emotional Regulation, General Couples Coaching, Integrative Spiritual Therapy, Intimate Partner Violence, Life Transitions, Trauma, Attachment, Assessment, Emotion Focused Therapy, Eating & Autism Chris Mercurio Take an Autism Test

Therapy for autistic & AuDHD teens in California. Coaching for teens worldwide. Neurodiversity-affirming, no-pressure, actually helpful. Free consult.