Our Neurodiverse Specialists are ready to help you work on your relationship. Whether one or both of you are autistic, have ADHD, or are otherwise neurodivergent, we are here to help. < Back Nancy Rushing Not accepting new clients See our other clinicians or Fill our our contact form to get matched My Neurodiversity I am AuDHD , living with both Autism and ADHD. This combination shapes how I think and feel—offering a mind that can focus deeply on details while juggling a steady stream of ideas. AuDHD means I experience the world with a unique clarity, noticing subtleties others might overlook, alongside a restlessness that keeps me seeking new connections. It’s a way of being that balances routine with flexibility, teaching me patience and a quiet strength in embracing differences. I am a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). I am also raising two Highly Sensitive Children (HSC). Specialties and Certifications Neurodiverse Couples Specialist ADHD, Autism, AuDHD, Sensory Sensitivities and Processing Sex Anxiety and Depression Parenting Children (Neurodivergent and Neurotypical) Social Anxiety Intimate Partner Abuse Perfectionism/High-Achievement Grief Chronic Illness/Caregiving Support Brainspotting Phase 1 & 2 Languages Spoken English Mandarin Chinese Life Experience Born and raised in the South—in Louisiana and Texas—by immigrant Chinese parents, both of whom are neurodivergent. Experienced various neurodiverse relationships through family, friends, partnerships, teaching, parenting and counseling. I have been an Early Childhood Educator for over 10 years with direct experience working with children ages 4-17. Before attending graduate school, I was a stay-at-home parent for 8 years. I have been teaching yoga since 2011 and enjoy creating classes that bridge the mind-body connection in yoga with psychoeducation. Multicultural Competencies Intergenerational Trauma Immigrant/Refugee Trauma Second-Generation Immigrants- Bicultural/Multicultural BIPOC LBGTQIA+ Bilingual: Mandarin Chinese My Therapeutic Approach My approach is client-centered and tailored to your unique needs, incorporating an integrative approach based on our interactions over time that include: Neurodivergent-Informed Cognitive Behavioral (CBT) Dialectical Behavioral (DBT) Emotionally Focused (EFT) Trauma-Informed Brainspotting Phase 1 and 2 Solution-Focused Attachment-Based More about Nancy I really enjoy making connections with people and am a naturally curious and inquisitive person. I am an avid animal lover and advocate for the benefits of the bond between neurodivergent children and animals, drawing especially from firsthand experience. I have perfect pitch and can identify notes in any song I hear immediately and can play the song on piano. This gift is linked to neurodivergent individuals, and a gift that I hid from others for most of my life, while I was still masking. Hi, I'm Nancy. I'm glad we connected today! I want to acknowledge how difficult it can be to take this first step in your journey in understanding more about yourself, your partner, and your relationship—especially if you’re at a crossroad. It takes courage to cross an unknown journey. You might be feeling hopeless, pessimistic, confused, and possibly filled with anger and angst about your relationship, especially when you notice recurring patterns—repeating the same conversations, and experiencing the same interactions, thoughts and emotions. In each of our personal journeys, we metaphorically travel a path and face various obstacles along the road— let’s call these life’s “challenges”. Sometimes, these obstacles can make us feel stuck, pressure us to turn back, confront them aimlessly, repeat familiar patterns, or find a new path and direction. Obstacles are an essential part of a journey, just as the challenges we face in our life experience are unique and contribute to growth and transformation . Without these hurdles, it would be difficult to gain insight into our strengths, understand ourselves and the world around us, and develop the resilience needed to navigate life’s challenges. Each obstacle we encounter shapes our character, deepens our understanding, and ultimately enriches our experience, making the journey more meaningful and rewarding. The goal of our therapy sessions is to help you explore and harness the power of perspective and the choices you make, leading to acceptance and understanding around your unique challenges. I aim to assist you in finding the right tools to gain insight and effectively navigate the obstacles along your life’s path. Additionally, I want to help you, and your partner reconnect and intertwine your paths, enabling you to continue the journey and create meaningful destinations together. My Story I am a child of Chinese Immigrant parents, born and raised in the south—specifically Louisiana and Texas. My neurodivergent journey started when I lost my mom in 2019 and discovered that she had undiagnosed mental health issues and was also neurodivergent. Witnessing the disconnect and misunderstandings that happen in a neurodivergent relationship helped me realize that every person wants to be loved and wants to love others. Every person deserves to be loved and longed for, the way they need and understand love to be. Since childhood, I have been extremely curious and inquisitive by nature and have a passion to learn about and understand others. I am a HSP (Highly Sensitive Person) and was late-diagnosed ADHD during graduate school while I was studying about neurodiversity and discovered that my perceived anxiety was an excess of complex thoughts in my mind that was misdiagnosed as generalized anxiety. It took the right therapist to connect me to this understanding and acceptance. My passion is to support others on their neurodivergent journey—to help them discover their authentic selves embrace their unique differences and build meaningful connections in their relationships. I have been living in the Bay Area for 17 years, married for 13 years, and have two neurodivergent children who are 7 and 9 years old. When I am not spending time with my family, I enjoy teaching yoga, exercising, cooking, having meaningful conversations and experiences with others, and being an avid animal lover. Obstacles faced be neurodiverse couples: Communication Differences – How do you express yourself, interpret what your partner is saying, and understand their message: Are you feeling misunderstood? Sensory Sensitivities – Are there feelings of being uncomfortable or overwhelmed by sensory stimuli such as sounds, lights and textures that prevent you or your partner from processing feelings or engaging with each other? Emotional Processing – Is it difficult to recognize, interpret, and manage emotions during emotional experiences? Do you and your partner respond in a way that is challenging for each other? Contrasting Perspectives -Do you and your partner have different views on issues or, see them differently? Social Expectations - How do you and your partner navigate societal or cultural expectations in your relationship, and what impact do these expectations have on your interactions? Routine & Flexibility - How do you and your partner handle changes to your routines or plans, and what effect does this have on your relationship? Support Needs - How do you and your partner express and respond to each other's needs for support, and what challenges do you face in meeting these needs effectively? 🎯 Working with AuDHD Clients Living with AuDHD (Autism + ADHD) often means navigating a world that doesn’t fully understand your unique way of thinking, processing, and engaging. Whether you’ve always known you were different or recently discovered your neurodivergence, therapy can help you untangle challenges, embrace your strengths, and create a life that works for you. Many AuDHD individuals experience a mix of intense focus and executive function struggles, sensory sensitivities and sensation-seeking behaviors, deep emotional intensity, and difficulty with social expectations . These traits can impact relationships, career paths, and day-to-day functioning in ways that feel frustrating and overwhelming. In therapy, I help AuDHD clients: Understand their unique wiring – Recognizing the interplay of ADHD and autism and how it shapes their experiences. Manage executive function challenges – Developing practical strategies for focus, organization, and task completion. Navigate sensory sensitivities & overwhelm – Identifying triggers and creating coping strategies to reduce stress. Build meaningful relationships – Learning communication tools to express needs, set boundaries, and connect authentically. Regulate emotions – Developing techniques for processing feelings without burnout, shutdown, or emotional overload. Work with, not against, their brains – Creating routines, systems, and environments that align with their natural rhythms. Whether you’re struggling in your relationships, career, or personal growth, I provide a nonjudgmental space to explore what’s working, what’s not, and how to move forward in a way that makes sense for you. Your brain isn’t the problem—let’s find ways to work with it, not against it. Other Areas of Focus (in addition to neurodiversity) Sex Anxiety and Depression Parenting Children (Neurodivergent and Neurotypical) Social Anxiety Intimate Partner Abuse Perfectionism/High-Achievement Grief Chronic Illness/Caregiving Support Clients Couples Individuals Families License Registered AMFT # 149167 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Couples Therapy Inc . Specialty Areas: ADHD, Autism, Intimate Partner Violence, Emotion Focused Therapy, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Neurodiverse Couples, Sex/Physical Intimacy, Emotional Intimacy, Communication, Not Accepting New Clients, Assessment, Attachment, Buddist - Spiritual, Cassandra Syndrome, Discernment, Highly Sensitive People (HSP), IFS, Internal Family Systems, PDA, Teens, AuDHD, Twice-exceptional (2e) Nancy Rushing Take an Autism Test

Our Neurodiverse Specialists are ready to help you work on your relationship. Whether one or both of you are autistic, have ADHD, or are otherwise neurodivergent, we are here to help! < Back Shea Davis, AMFT Therapist for Neurodivergent Couples, Individuals, and Families Neurodivergent connection thrives when it’s understood on its own terms. I help individuals and couples uncover what makes their relationships work—not in spite of their differences, but because of them. My Story Is the Foundation of My Work A Long-Term Neurodiverse Marriage. I didn’t come to this work by accident— I lived it long before I trained for it. For 24 years, I was married to a neurodivergent partner in a relationship filled with both deep connection and constant misunderstanding . We loved each other, but our wiring didn’t always match—and that mismatch shaped everything from how we handled conflict to how we expressed love. I know firsthand what it feels like to be in a relationship where you’re trying your hardest, but somehow still missing each other. Parenting a Neurodivergent Child I’m also the mother of two children , now 29 and 22, including a neurodivergent son who struggled deeply in traditional systems. As a parent, I was often the translator—advocating, soothing, interpreting, and holding space for a child whose brilliance the world couldn’t always see. That experience taught me the importance of co-regulation, flexibility , and finding ways to honor a child’s nervous system, not fight against it. Recovery from Addiction and Trauma And I’ve lived through collapse and rebuilding. Years ago, I walked into a 12-step meeting broken by addiction, emotional pain , and a lifetime of pushing through instead of healing. Recovery didn’t just help me get sober—it helped me reclaim my voice, learn boundaries, and rebuild relationships based on mutual safety and respect. That process of healing, integrating, and re-emerging is the lens I bring to every therapy session. Life After Betrayal and Emotional Neglect I’ve navigated betrayal, financial infidelity, and the quiet ache of emotional neglect. I’ve also felt the hope of starting over—as a single mother, as a woman in long-term recovery, and as a partner learning to love again after rupture. My blended family has been one of my greatest teachers. I understand the complications of co-parenting, the grief of unmet expectations, and the beauty that can emerge when people commit to doing things differently, even when it's hard. Working with Neurodiverse Couples Much of my clinical focus is shaped by my own long-term relationship with a neurodivergent partner. I’ve lived through the beautiful highs and painful disconnects that can come when two people with different processing styles, emotional languages, and nervous systems try to build a life together. In that relationship, we often found ourselves stuck in patterns we didn’t understand. I’d long for emotional attunement while he sought logical solutions. I’d press for closeness during conflict; he’d retreat to manage overwhelm. Over time, we developed workarounds, built shared language, and grew in our awareness—but not without struggle. Those experiences inform the way I work with couples today. Neurodiverse relationships often look confusing from the outside—and feel lonely on the inside. One partner might seek verbal connection, while the other prefers action. One might shut down under stress, while the other presses in, desperate for clarity. These dynamics aren’t about a lack of love —they’re about different operating systems . In our work together, I help you: Understand the neurology beneath the behavior Slow down reactive cycles and shift from blame to curiosity Rebuild emotional safety after chronic misattunement or betrayal Learn new ways to communicate that actually land with your partner Navigate sensory, pacing, and executive functioning differences Reimagine intimacy and connection on your terms—not the world’s I integrate Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Internal Family Systems (IFS), polyvagal theory, trauma-informed care, and structured communication tools from the Gottman Method. My goal is to help you feel seen, safe, and better equipped to relate —even when things are hard. Parenting Through a Neurodivergent Lens When I was raising my son—especially during his most difficult years—I often felt like I was operating without a roadmap. The strategies other parents used didn’t work for us. He needed something different: less pressure, more regulation support, and a deep commitment to understanding his nervous system. I had to learn how to show up in ways that were both nurturing and flexible, even when I felt depleted myself. As a therapist, I bring this lived experience into the room. I understand how isolating it can feel to be the one holding everything together—to be the parent who understands what the school system doesn’t, who translates your child’s needs to extended family, and who navigates the tension between advocacy and acceptance. I support parents who are: Co-regulating with differently wired kids while staying regulated themselves Navigating shutdowns, sensory overload, and burnout—on both sides Co-parenting after divorce or in blended family systems Wrestling with grief over unmet expectations Trying to break harmful patterns while creating new family rhythms You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be open to learning—and I’ll walk beside you as you do. Support for Blended Families When my marriage ended and I stepped into the world of co-parenting and step-parenting, I quickly realized that blending a family isn’t about forcing connection—it’s about creating space for each person’s story. Add neurodivergence to the mix, and the need for flexibility, empathy, and honest communication only grows. In my own blended family, we had to re-learn how to listen to each other . We had to acknowledge sensory needs, adjust expectations around emotional expression, and recognize that some members of the family processed grief or change much more slowly—or more intensely—than others. There was no one-size-fits-all approach. As someone who has built and lived in a blended family with neurodivergent members, I support: Step-parenting roles and boundaries that evolve over time Navigating loyalty binds and emotional shifts with compassion and clarity Repairing ruptures in co-parenting or ex-spouse dynamics Helping new partners understand neurodivergent kids and their unique wiring Developing shared rituals and rhythms that work for your family’s actual neurobiology Blended doesn’t mean broken. Neurodivergence doesn’t mean incompatible. Together, we can create something flexible, respectful, and uniquely yours. Working with Addiction and Neurodivergence My recovery journey began with hitting rock bottom—and then learning to rebuild a life from the inside out. For me, addiction wasn’t just about substances. It was about managing overwhelm, avoiding emotional pain, and trying to cope in a world that often felt too intense. As I later came to understand more about neurodivergence, it became clear how intertwined the two could be . Many neurodivergent individuals develop addictive behaviors as a way to soothe sensory overload, mask social confusion, or cope with chronic rejection . And unfortunately, many recovery spaces aren’t built to hold that complexity. In my work with clients at this intersection, I help you: Identify the neurodivergent roots of addictive behaviors Explore sensory-friendly and emotionally attuned recovery strategies Navigate recovery spaces that may feel rigid, triggering, or misaligned Manage co-occurring challenges like executive dysfunction or trauma Build sustainable recovery that makes space for your full self You don’t need to choose between being seen as someone in recovery or someone who’s neurodivergent. I’ll help you hold both—without shame. Who I Work With Neurodivergent adults (diagnosed or self-identified) Neurodiverse couples (ND/NT or ND/ND) Partners of autistic or ADHD individuals Parents of neurodivergent children Adults in recovery from addiction, betrayal trauma, or relational chaos Individuals navigating blended family dynamics and second-chapter relationships What I Bring I bring the lived experience of neurodivergence, depression, anxiety, and addiction. I bring decades of parenting through challenge, the insight of a long-term neurodiverse marriage, and the resilience of someone who’s rebuilt from the ground up. My therapy room is a space where you don’t have to perform, explain, or justify how your brain works. You get to be fully yourself—and that’s where real change begins. License & Employment Information Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, #154799 Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Employed by New Path Family of Therapy Centers Specialty Areas: Neurodiverse Couples, Cassandra Syndrome, Communication, IFS, Addiction, Trauma, Blended Families, Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse), Accepting New Individual Clients Only, Betrayal/Affair Recovery, ADHD, Attachment, Divorce, Discernment, Emotion Focused Therapy, General Couples Coaching, Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients Shea Davis Take an Autism Test

Expert, strength-based counseling for neurodiverse couples navigating autism, ADHD, and AuDHD. Get matched with the right therapist and reconnect. Relationship Peace for Neurodiverse Couples Couples therapy for autism, ADHD and AuDHD relationships. Stop the fight/shutdown loop. Rebuild with tools that fit both brains. Autism - ADHD - AuDHD specialists What kind of help are you looking for? Couples Therapy Individual Therapy Autism & ADHD Assessments World's Largest Neurodiverse Therapy Service. 100% Online. Check out our free Neurodiverse Relationship Course Start Now How it works Tell Us about You Share a few quick details so we can understand your neurodiverse experience — whether you're navigating autism, ADHD, or both. Get Your Perfect Match We’ll pair you with a specialist experienced in autism , ADHD , or AuDHD — within 24 hours. Start Your Healing Journey! Schedule your FREE consultation and start building the understanding and connection your relationship deserves. 1 2 3 Get Started Now! Take the Sensory Profile Screener (SPM) Understand how you experience the world. Take SPM Meet our experts in autism , ADHD & neurodiversity. Why risk being misunderstood? Our team understands the challenges that the neurodiverse community faces when seeking help. Autism, ADHD or AuDHD...we dedicate our lives to supporting you. Meet The Team Explore our Trait Wheels to better understand yourself. Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel You’ve probably heard of autism. You’ve likely heard of ADHD. But what happens when someone experiences both at once? That’s AuDHD —and it’s more common than many people realize.. What is AuDHD? Learn More about AuDHD Neuro-Informed vs Traditional Therapy Take our Neurodiverse Relationship Check-up Get a free relationship report. Start Now

Bridge communication gaps with AI-assisted couples therapy — personalized, secure, and led by neurodiverse relationship experts. Book a free consult. AI-Assisted Therapy Neurodiverse couples therapy just got a major upgrade. We’ve fused the warmth and wisdom of expert human therapists with the precision of smart AI technology. The result? Unmatched clarity. Deeper understanding. Real connection. Think of it as your therapist, supercharged. You get the insights that will help you bridge the gap and truly see each other. How AI-Assisted Therapy Can Work for You Our secure, confidential AI tools work in the background to support your therapist and empower your growth. Depending on your therapist, that can include one or more of these: 1. Note-Taking That Keeps Your Therapist Present It's hard to be fully present with someone while you're typing notes. With your permission, your therapist can use Google Meet's built-in note-taking, powered by Google Gemini , to capture the key points of your session. That gives your therapist a record to build on, and it can be the starting point for the insights and exercises below. It runs inside our HIPAA-covered Google Workspace account, and you can ask your therapist to turn it off at any time. 2. Uncovering Deeper Insights & Patterns Sometimes the biggest breakthroughs come from seeing the connections you didn't know were there. Our AI helps your therapist identify recurring themes, communication patterns, and hidden dynamics that emerge over time. Your therapist uses this to help you both move past the surface-level issue and address the core patterns underneath. 3. Tools and Exercises Tailored Just for You No more generic worksheets. Based on the specific themes of your session, our system helps your therapist create personalized homework, reflection prompts, and skill-building exercises. These are tools designed for your unique dynamic, helping you apply what you learn in therapy to your daily life. 4. Empowering Your Growth Between Sessions For those who enjoy exploring on their own, we provide you with expertly crafted prompts to use with your own personal AI tools (like ChatGPT). This is a completely optional way for you to continue reflecting and discovering insights on your own terms, in a way that feels comfortable to you. Your Therapist is Always the Pilot Let's be clear: You are not in therapy with a robot. You are in therapy with a skilled, compassionate human who is an expert in neurodiverse relationships. The AI is simply a powerful co-pilot, handling data and spotting patterns so your therapist can focus on what matters most: you, your partner, and your connection. What AI Cannot Do: Read Nonverbal Cues & Rapport: A computer cannot see a softening posture, a tear, or a sudden change in eye contact. It misses the subtle patterns of connection and the difficulties in building rapport that tell the real story behind the words. Understand Developmental & Cultural Context: While AI processes words, it lacks the deep understanding of the developmental history and cultural background that shape who you are. It often misses the situational nuance—the "why"—behind your behaviors. Provide Normed, Standardized Diagnostics: Common AI tools are not a replacement for truly standardized, validated psychometric instruments. There is currently no valid test administration available through AI. Distinguish Effort from Genuine Barrier: AI can provide a roadmap, but it cannot do the driving. It lacks a qualitative sense of human effort and cannot distinguish between when you are engaging in suboptimal effort versus facing a genuine barrier to growth. The hard work of vulnerability remains yours alone. Offer Clinical Intuition: AI lacks clinical intuition honed by thousands of hours of experience. Relying on it alone creates safety risks: it may minimize symptoms (causing you to delay care) or catastrophize normal issues (causing unnecessary panic). You should know that: Your therapist makes all clinical decisions. Empathy, trust, and human connection remain the heart of our practice. The AI provides data; your therapist provides the wisdom. Your Privacy is Our #1 Priority We know that therapy is a private space, and sharing your story requires trust. Protecting your confidentiality is a responsibility we take very seriously. For those who want to know more, please take a look at the separate section on security below. Is AI-Assisted Therapy Right for Us? This enhanced approach can be incredibly powerful if you: Often feel like you and your partner are speaking different languages. Want to move beyond recurring arguments and understand the root cause. Appreciate data-driven insights and a clear view of your progress. Are looking for practical, personalized tools to use between sessions. An Innovative Option: Your Choice & Comfort This service is completely optional. We understand that this approach is new, and your comfort is our priority. If you prefer traditional therapy without these tools, we fully support and respect that choice. Just express your preference to your therapist. AI-assisted therapy is a specialized service currently offered by select therapists in our practice. Each therapist uses AI in a different way. They would be glad to explain their approach. If you are new to our practice and you are interested in exploring this option, please be sure to mention it when you schedule your consultation so we can match you with the right therapist. Ready to Discover a New Way to Connect? Experience the clarity that comes when human expertise and smart technology work together for you. Schedule Your Free Consultation Today Your Privacy & Security (Powered by Google Workspace) We run every part of our AI‑assisted workflow inside Google Workspace—the same cloud platform trusted by governments, financial institutions, and Fortune 500 companies. Here’s what that means for you: HIPAA-Covered, with a Signed BAA We have a signed Business Associate Agreement (BAA) with Google, the contract HIPAA requires whenever a company handles health information for a practice. Google Meet and Gemini in Google Workspace are both on Google's list of services that agreement covers. Encrypted in Transit and at Rest All emails, files, and AI‑generated notes and transcripts are encrypted while they travel across the internet and while they rest on Google’s servers. Even if someone grabbed a hard drive, they couldn’t read a byte without Google’s multi‑layered keys. No Ads, No Data‑Mining Google contractually guarantees that Workspace customer data is never used for advertising or any purpose beyond delivering the service. Your therapy information stays yours—full stop. Independent Compliance Audits Google Workspace is regularly audited against independent standards such as SOC 2 and ISO 27001. Granular Access & Audit Logs Only your therapist and authorized New Path staff can open your session data, and access is logged. Enterprise AI, Not Public Chatbots The only AI we use with client information is Google Gemini inside our locked-down Workspace account, including Google Meet's note-taking feature. Your content isn't reviewed by people at Google, isn't used to train Google's AI models, and never goes to public tools like free Gemini or ChatGPT. When we give you optional self‑reflection prompts to use in your own personal AI tools, we’ll also show you how to do so safely—and what not to share. Want to read the fine print? Google publishes detailed security resources that back all of the claims above, including: Google Workspace HIPAA Included Functionality (the list of Google services our BAA covers) Google Workspace Generative AI in Google Workspace Privacy Hub (how Gemini handles your data) Google Workspace Admin Help Google Workspace Overview of Security Architecture Google Workspace Google Workspace Encryption Whitepaper (how data is encrypted in transit and at rest) Google Services Google Workspace Security Whitepaper (full privacy & compliance commitments) Google Workspace Feel free to dive in—then come back knowing your therapy data is protected by some of the most robust security infrastructure on the planet.

Free worksheets and guides for neurodiverse couples — practical tools on communication, connection, and navigating autism and ADHD in relationships. Show the full page text. Show the full page text.

Short, practical quick guides for neurodiverse couples — bite-sized tips on communication, connection, and navigating autism and ADHD together. Quick Guides Quick Guide - HSP for Couples Stop mistaking sensitivity for withdrawal or overreaction—learn how the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait shapes your relationship's unique wiring. Discover expert strategies to soothe emotional flooding and turn deep feeling into a safer, deeply attuned connection. Read More Quick Guide - Discernment Counseling for Neurodiverse Couples Feeling stuck between staying and leaving? Discernment counseling gives neurodiverse couples a focused space to pause conflict, understand what’s really happening beneath the surface, and make a confident, informed decision about the future. Read More Quick Guide - ADHD Couples Therapy If ADHD is causing misunderstandings, frustration, or uneven responsibilities, you’re not alone. Learn how a neuro-informed approach helps couples understand each other’s wiring—and create practical, compassionate change together. Read More Quick Guide - Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Intimacy challenges in neurodiverse relationships are common—and deeply fixable. This guide explains how specialized sex therapy supports couples in navigating desire differences, sensory needs, and emotional disconnect with compassion and clarity. Read More Quick Guide - Communication in Neurodiverse Relationships If conversations keep spiraling, shutting down, or getting lost in translation, you’re not alone. Learn how neuro-informed communication tools help partners understand each other’s wiring—and finally feel heard. Read More Quick Guide - Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Find out how neurodiverse couples counseling helps partners move through communication breakdowns, emotional mismatches, and burnout, and why working with neuro-informed experts can finally make the relationship feel understandable again. Read More

A sex therapy session about porn and secrecy for neurodiverse couples: what the concern is, what it is not, and how to talk without shame or blame. Show the full module text Module 21 — Porn and Secrecy Talk about porn without shame, blame or hiding. Watch first: the Module 21 video A narrated video of about four minutes in a layered paper-cutout style that opens and closes on the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center logo. Couples meet their therapist on video calls, with the message “Two valid experiences. No blame.” and a scene of a couple agreeing on boundaries. A loop runs from a hard moment to quick relief, shame afterward and hiding it, followed by six signals worth noticing, a porn use and secrecy audit, clipboards for talking it through, and a closing word: partnership. Watch the Module 21 video: Porn and Secrecy (MP4, about 4 minutes). The written lesson below covers the same ground in full. Maybe one of you found something on a phone or a laptop and has not stopped thinking about it. Or porn has been a quiet disagreement for years, or one of you has started to worry about your own use. This module walks through a session about porn and secrecy, so you both know what to expect. When porn has become a secret, or a fight Summary: what usually happens in the session 1 You agree how you will talk about it. How long, how to pause, and what stays between the two of you. 2 You each say what brought this up. A discovery, an old disagreement, or a worry about your own use. 3 Your therapist says what the concern is, and what it is not. Many consider solo sex healthy. Hidden, out-of-control use is the concern. 4 You each say what you believe about porn. And where you learned it, while the other listens. 5 You talk about what porn does for the one who uses it. Including how autism or ADHD can shape it. 6 If you are both willing, you talk about use now. The one who uses it decides how much detail to give. 7 You make a few agreements together. What counts as hidden, and what happens if one of you slips. 8 You plan how to look after each other afterward. For the rest of the day, and until your next session. One way this session can go, not a script. Your therapist will shape it to the two of you and to their own way of working. Step 1. You agree how you will talk about it Sessions with us are online, with the two of you together at home and your therapist on the screen. Everything is talk. Your therapist usually starts by agreeing how the conversation will go: how long you talk before a pause, and what helps if one of you gets overwhelmed. Either of you can pass on any question. If either of you wants to stop, you stop, and your therapist helps you pick it up another time. What stays between you. Your therapist may invite you to agree that what is said about porn stays between the two of you. Each of you can still talk with your own therapist, or with anyone else you both name. Step 2. You each say what brought this up Your therapist asks each of you, in turn, why porn is on the table now. Each of you gets to answer in full before the other replies. Both experiences are real. A partner who found something hidden may feel betrayed, compared or replaced, and for many the hiding hurts more than the porn. The partner who uses it may feel ashamed, exposed, or judged for something they thought was private. Neither of you is the problem, and your therapist makes room for both. If you do not feel safe. This work is for relationships where both of you can say yes, no, wait or stop without being punished for it. If sex has happened under pressure, or if either of you is afraid of the other, tell your therapist on your own. Work on sex pauses while that is looked at. The first question. What brings porn into the room for you now, and what has it been like on your side? Step 3. Your therapist says what the concern is, and what it is not Your therapist does not take a moral stance on porn. Many clinicians consider solo sex healthy: it can help you learn about your own body, calm you down, and inform the sex you have together. Clients of faith may understandably see it differently, and your therapist respects that. Either way, the concern is use that has become hidden, hard to control, driven by shame, drifting further over time, or taking the place of sex with your partner. Why it pulls so hard. Porn online is easy to reach at any hour, costs little or nothing, and is private.1 Very little slows it down, and for some people a loop forms, as in the figure. Many people caught in this loop are not short of willpower. The shame and the hiding are what keep it turning. In the figure: The loop that keeps porn use hidden, drawn as a whirlpool: a hard moment, quick relief, shame afterward, hiding it, and round again. A lifebuoy at the edge stands for talking openly, without shame, which loosens the pull. What the research does not say. You may have read that porn rewires the brain or ruins relationships. The research is less certain than that. Many of the studies are small or look at one moment in time, and there is still no agreed line between ordinary use and a problem.2 Your therapist will not tell either of you that you are damaged. Naming the concern. I am not here to judge porn. I am interested in whether it is hidden, and what it is doing to the two of you. Step 4. You each say what you believe about porn Couples often disagree about porn because they were taught different things. Your therapist may ask what each of you learned from family, faith or culture, and what you have come to believe on your own. Taking turns. One of you speaks while the other listens, then says back what they heard before replying. Nobody defends or debates yet. The aim is to understand each other, not to settle who is right. Beliefs. Where did you first learn what porn means? And what do you believe about it now, on your own? Step 5. You talk about what porn does for the one who uses it For some people porn eases stress, helps with sleep, or calms an overloaded body. Your therapist may gently ask the partner who uses it what it does for them. If you both use it, you are both asked. How autism and ADHD can shape it. Getting pulled in. Hyperfocus can take you deeper and longer than you planned. One thing at a time. One theory holds that autistic attention tends to run in one deep channel.3 Once porn is that channel, switching out can be hard. Calming the senses. The routine itself can be soothing. Dropping the mask. It may be the only time you stop performing for anyone. No demand. Partnered sex can feel like an obligation. Solo sex does not. Avoiding a no. If being turned down lands very hard, porn can feel safer than asking. Both can be true. Porn may be doing real work for one of you and costing the relationship something at the same time. If the fear of being turned down is part of it, When “No” Lands Hard looks at that. What it does. What does porn do for you that you would miss? There is no wrong answer here. Step 6. If you are both willing, you talk about use now This part happens only if both of you want it. The partner who uses porn may be asked roughly how often it shows up, what it usually does for them, and whether any of it is hidden. The partner who asks agrees not to use the answers later in an argument. You can always say it. If any of this starts to feel like too much, you can say I am uncomfortable . That is a complete sentence. Nobody has to explain it or defend it. We stop, we look together at what is happening, and we decide as a group whether to stay with it or to understand first what is getting in the way. People often freeze here, on either side. Your therapist may also describe six signals that clinical work often sees, and invite the partner who uses porn to notice which, if any, fit. One signal on its own is common. Several together are worth talking over with your therapist. In the figure: Six signals worth noticing, from the Porn Use & Secrecy Audit worksheet: secrecy, shame, drifting toward content that clashes with your values, reaching out to your partner less, finding it harder to be present, and failed attempts to cut back. When it feels out of control. If several signals fit, or cutting back has not worked, your therapist may suggest more specialized help alongside your sessions. Researchers still debate whether to call this an addiction.4 Either way, help exists, and many people find that willpower alone is not enough. Use now. You decide how much detail to give. Is any of it hidden right now? Step 7. You make a few agreements together Agreements are about less secrecy, not about controlling each other. Your therapist may help you make a few, like the couple in the figure. One couple's answers, not a model. Yours may look nothing like these, and that is fine. In the figure: One couple's agreements, in the shape the Talking About Porn worksheet uses: what works for both of us, what we want to change, what counts as hidden, what happens if one of us breaks an agreement, and when we look at it again. An agreement that breaks can hurt more than having none, so many couples start with one or two they are sure they can keep. Agreements. What would help each of you feel less need to hide, or less need to check? Step 8. You plan how to look after each other afterward A conversation about porn often leaves people raw. Before the session ends, your therapist may ask how you will look after each other over the next day, and whether anything can wait until your next session. Aftercare and Repair goes further. Before you go. What would help each of you tonight? Is there anything we could leave here until next time? After the session The Porn Use & Secrecy Audit worksheet on our site is for the partner who uses porn, or for both of you if you both do. It is for yourself first: your pattern, the six signals, what porn does for you, and one change to try for two weeks. You do not have to share it. The Talking About Porn worksheet guides the conversation you started today. Fill in its private parts separately, bring your copy to your next session, and decide there what you want to share. What to notice this week. When you feel the pull to hide, or to check, notice what happened just before. Bring one example to your next session. The workbook below takes about five minutes, on your own first. If this is hard to do. If this is too much right now, there is no need to push through. Spend some time with your partner talking about what makes it hard, and share the feelings that come up: shame, hurt, fear of being judged, or anger at being kept in the dark. That conversation is part of the work. Is watching porn a problem in itself? Not on its own. Many clinicians consider solo sex healthy: it can help you learn about your own body, calm you down, and inform the sex you have together. Clients of faith may understandably see it differently, and your therapist respects that. The concern is use that has become hidden, hard to control, driven by shame, drifting further over time, or taking the place of sex with your partner. Your therapist does not take a moral stance on porn. My partner hid their porn use. Will the therapist take my side? Your therapist makes room for both of you. A partner who found something hidden may feel betrayed, compared or replaced, and for many the hiding hurts more than the porn. The partner who uses it may feel ashamed, exposed or judged. Both experiences are real, and neither of you is the problem. How can autism or ADHD shape porn use? For some people, hyperfocus pulls them in deeper and longer than they planned, or attention runs in one deep channel that is hard to switch out of. The routine can calm the senses, be the only time the mask drops, or feel like a break from the demands of partnered sex. Porn can be doing real work and costing the relationship something at the same time. What if porn use feels out of control? If several of the six signals fit, such as secrecy, shame or failed attempts to cut back, your therapist may suggest more specialized help alongside your sessions. Researchers still debate whether to call this an addiction. Either way, help exists, and many people find that willpower alone is not enough. Your workbook Your answers save to this device only - we cannot see a word of what you write. Fill this in after your session about porn and secrecy, on your own first. What I noticed Answer these on your own first. There are no wrong answers. Your answers stay on this device, so if you share it, your partner may be able to see them. Pick the closest option even if none is exact. Which is closest to where I stand? — I use porn and worry about it, I use porn and do not see a problem, My partner's use worries me, We both use it, Something else Is anything about porn hidden between us right now? — No, A little, A lot, Not sure What did I feel most during the session? — Relief, Shame, Hurt, Anger, Judged, Numb, Something else If I use porn, how many of the six signals fit me? — None, One or two, Three or more, I do not use it Did we make an agreement we can both keep? — Yes, Partly, Not yet To bring next time Write a line or two. If something is about your safety, tell your therapist privately instead. One thing I would need in order to feel less judged What I want to ask my partner but have not yet Where this comes from Every source below was checked against the published record. They are grouped by the kind of evidence they are, so the numbers may not run straight down the page — a number points back to where the source is used in the lesson. Research discussion The steps in this session come from our clinical work with neurodiverse couples and the two worksheets named above. They have not been tested in a trial. The idea that online sex draws people in because it is easy to reach, cheap and anonymous comes from a short paper1 written in the early days of the internet. It is a way of thinking about the problem, not a study of it. A systematic review of research on problematic online porn use2 found no agreement on where ordinary use ends and a problem begins. Many of the studies were small, included only men, or measured people at one point in time, and there are still few long-term or brain studies. The idea that autistic attention tends to run in one deep channel3 comes from a paper built on earlier research, the diagnostic criteria and first-person accounts by autistic people. It is a frame, not a finding. A review of compulsive sexual behavior4 found features it shares with addictions, and also gaps that leave researchers divided on whether to call it one. Who this research was done with. The studies behind this module, none of them of neurodiverse couples, drew heavily on white, comparatively well-off, English-speaking participants. If your household carries pressures those samples did not — money, immigration, racism, disability, unsafe housing — the practice still applies, but the room you are practicing in is harder. That is the room, not you. Clinically reviewed by Harry Motro, PsyD, LMFT · California LMFT #53452 · Founder and Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center · Clinical supervisor · Updated October 7, 2026 Peer-reviewed research 1. Cooper A (1998) Sexuality and the Internet: Surfing into the new millennium. CyberPsychology & Behavior, 1(2), 187-193 . https://doi.org/10.1089/cpb.1998.1.187 Introduces the "Triple A Engine" (access, affordability and anonymity) as the three factors that give the internet its power over sexual behavior. Cited for why online porn meets so little friction. Limitation: an early conceptual paper, not a study; written before smartphones. 2. de Alarcon R, de la Iglesia JI, Casado NM, Montejo AL (2019) Online porn addiction: What we know and what we don't - A systematic review. Journal of Clinical Medicine, 8(1), 91 . https://doi.org/10.3390/jcm8010091 Systematic review of problematic online pornography use. Describes addiction-like features such as loss of control, but finds no consensus on what makes use pathological; notes that the DSM-5 rejected hypersexual disorder and that compulsive sexual behavior disorder was being added to the ICD-11. Limitation: the studies it reviews often have small, homogeneous (often male-only) samples and cross-sectional designs, with few longitudinal, clinical or neuroimaging studies. 3. Murray D, Lesser M, Lawson W (2005) Attention, monotropism and the diagnostic criteria for autism. Autism, 9(2), 139-156 . https://doi.org/10.1177/1362361305051398 Conceptual paper concluding from the literature, the DSM-IV and ICD-10 criteria and first-person accounts by autistic people that atypical strategies for allocating attention are central to autism, with attention flowing in a narrow deep channel rather than spread across many inputs. Cited for the cost of being pulled out of one focus. Limitation: a synthesis and argument with no new data; cited as the source of the frame, not as a finding. 4. Kraus SW, Voon V, Potenza MN (2016) Should compulsive sexual behavior be considered an addiction? Addiction, 111(12), 2097-2106 . https://doi.org/10.1111/add.13297 Review of the evidence on compulsive sexual behavior. Finds overlapping features with substance-use disorders, including in brain and treatment findings, but concludes that significant gaps in understanding still complicate classifying it as an addiction. Limitation: a review that collects no new data, drawing on a limited literature; it does not study couples. Further reading • Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center (2026) Porn Use & Secrecy Audit. Practice materials, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/worksheets/porn-use-secrecy-audit A private self-audit: the pattern of use, six signals, what porn does for the person, neurodivergent considerations, and one change to try for two weeks. Limitation: a clinical tool developed in use, not a validated instrument. • Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center (2026) Talking About Porn. Practice materials, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/worksheets/talking-about-porn A couples conversation guide: setting up the conversation, a confidentiality agreement, each partner's beliefs, taking turns, current use, agreements, neurodivergent considerations and aftercare. Limitation: a clinical tool developed in use, not a validated instrument. Talk about porn without it becoming a fight The Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center works with couples where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD or AuDHD, including when porn or secrecy has come between them. We do not take a moral stance; we help you both talk about it without shame or blame. Therapy for clients in California, coaching worldwide, all by telehealth. A first conversation costs nothing. Talk with our team Up next Module 22 — Body Image All 24 modules in The Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Program

Overload isn’t rudeness—it’s your body going offline. Breath is the fastest reset. Learn autism-friendly ways to use the physiological sigh or resonance breathing to calm your system, regulate with your partner, and prevent spirals. Two minutes daily can change everything. OCD vs Autism autism friendly stress relief Overload is real, not rude. Your mind and body are off-line. More words won’t regulate; breath will. Use breath as first aid. Start solo. Do it together when you're ready. It’s quick, concrete, and science-backed. Here’s exactly how. First, name it with a cue you both agree on . Try: "breath break," “red light,” “reset,” “time-in,” “quiet minute,” “buffer,” or “storm pause.” The cue means to stop talking, and start the breath exercise. Pick one of two ways to breathe: Option A — Physiological Sigh for fast relief. Two short inhales through the nose, then one long, unhurried exhale through the mouth. Repeat for 1–3 minutes. Research: Daily cyclic sighing has better results than mindfulness for improving mood in a randomized trial. Option B — Resonance Breathing for deeper regulation. 4 seconds in, 6 seconds out Repeat for 2–5 minutes. Research: This pace reliably boosts vagal activity and steadies the system. If breathing together feels hard, you’re not failing—you’re flooded. Say, “I need two minutes to breathe on my own,” to settle your system. Then decide if you can come back together. Remember that co-regulation is a skill you can work on in therapy.Solo regulation is a valid step on the way there. Make it autism-friendly. Keep it simple. Minimize noise and distraction. Tailor the environment so it's sensory-safe . Use a visual pacer (see the example below). When and if you’re ready, do it side-by-side. Hand-in-hand or shoulder-to-shoulder , and match pace. Gentle partner touch increases respiratory and heart-rate coupling under stress. Do your breath work before tough talks.And after, especially if you feel revved up. Do it nightly to lower your baseline. Go deeper: Module 28, Staying Close , in our free Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program, helps you turn small daily rituals like this one into lasting connection. Two minutes of breath work every day can save hours of spiraling later.Need help working on this with your partner? [Click here to schedule a session today] Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Note 1: For a short video explaining the “Physiological Sigh”: https://youtu.be/rBdhqBGqiMc?si=MohtB6FddBw3C8rS&t=7 Note 2: For visual guides to breathing: https://duffthepsych.com/anxietygif/ https://healthymonday.com/stress-management/6-gifs-to-help-you-relax © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. 🔦 Spotlight on Shea Davis Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Cassandra Syndrome Support Communication Addiction, Trauma, Betrayal Recovery Blended Families Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Emotionally Focused Therapy Internal Family Systems Life Experience Lived 24 Years in a Neurodiverse Marriage. I know the highs and heartbreaks of a relationship where love is real—but miscommunication is constant. That lived experience grounds the way I support couples navigating similar dynamics. Parented a Brilliant, Struggling Neurodivergent Son. As a mom and advocate, I learned to interpret, adapt, and create safety for a child the world didn’t always understand. That shaped my deep respect for nervous system differences and co-regulation. Rebuilt After Addiction, Trauma & Betrayal. I’ve walked through collapse and come out the other side—with hard-earned insight into recovery, boundaries, and how to rebuild relationships rooted in mutual safety. Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist, AMFT # 154799, Supervised by Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT #53452 Get Booked with Shea! Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Behind the Mask in Neurodiverse Relationships 🎭 Do you wear a mask? Let's be honest, these days we all wear masks. We put on a certain face for the world as we feel the tension of fitting in. For people on the autism spectrum, this tension gets cranked up to the max. Picture this: You're at a party – the music's pumping, laughter fills the air. Mary, who is neurotypical, moves with ease, her personality shining through. 💃 Meanwhile, John, who is autistic, navigates this social maze with a... Behind the Mask in Neurodiverse Relationships 🎭 Do you wear a mask? Let's be honest, these days we all wear masks. We put on a certain face for the world as we feel the tension of fitting in. For people on the autism spectrum, this tension gets cranked up to the max. Picture this: You're at a party – the music's pumping, laughter fills the air. Mary, who is neurotypical, moves with ease, her personality shining through. 💃 Meanwhile, John, who is autistic, navigates this social maze with a rehearsed grace, each smile and nod meticulously planned to camouflage his true self. 🥸 This effort, a profound act of 'masking', isn't just for tonight but is a constant presence, draining John's energy and straining the couple's connection. If left unchecked, this dynamic could threaten the very foundation of their relationship. What does it mean to mask oneself? 🤔 For many with autism, masking is a survival strategy . The goal is not merely to blend in but to avoid the friction of social judgment. This adaptive behavior, while protective in the moment, demands a significant emotional toll, reshaping one's self-expression to meet external expectations, often at great personal cost. 😪 Understanding masking is more complicated than it may appear at first glance. There are different ways to mask: Compensation: This is where one adopts behaviors deemed acceptable , molding their actions to fit a normative social mold. Suppression: Here, natural behaviors are stifled , hidden away to present what is perceived as 'normal.' Assimilation: In this act, one performs scripts that align with societal expectations , often feeling alien to one's nature. Do you recognize these behaviors in yourself? Or in your partner? 💵 The Profound Costs of Masking Now consider the emotional and psychological toll: the constant energy required to maintain this facade can lead to anxiety, depression, and even physical symptoms due to chronic stress. 🤒 Over time, this sustained effort can erode an individual's self-esteem and sense of identity, impacting both personal well-being and the vitality of their relationships. Moreover, misunderstandings that arise from masking can create emotional distance, leaving one partner feeling neglected and the other overwhelmed, complicating their ability to connect and communicate effectively. 💔 What to do? 📊 Measuring Masking with the CAT-Q Taking the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) is an essential first step for those aiming to explore the extent of autistic masking. CAT-Q Questionnaire Available at no charge on the Adult Autism Assessment website, this tool includes 25 questions and can be completed in 5 to 7 minutes. It assesses various dimensions of masking, breaking down masking strategies so you can gain a deeper understanding of these behaviors' emotional and relational impacts. 🗣️ Have the Right Masking Conversation Instead of focusing solely on the frustrations that arise from autistic masking, let's delve into what's truly happening beneath the surface. Moving away from blame, we can foster a supportive environment by openly discussing the underlying challenges of masking. 💬 Exploring insights from the CAT-Q results allows us to understand the pressures and strategies involved, helping to cultivate empathy and strengthen our connections in a more meaningful and supportive way. 🛠️ Tailoring Social Situations Adapting social settings to reduce the need for masking, whether by choosing less demanding activities or creating signals for needed breaks , can alleviate stress and enhance engagement. Get really specific. Be creative and experiment with new ways of approaching tough situations. This proactive approach allows both partners to feel more in control and less anxious about social interactions, leading to more enjoyable and meaningful experiences together. Couples who try this are amazed at the freedom and relief that they experience. 🏠 Creating a Supportive Home Environment How can we make our homes refuges where unmasking is not just safe but welcomed? By respecting personal space, allowing for stimming or other natural behaviors, and setting clear expectations, we build trust and reduce the daily stress for the autistic partner. A nurturing home environment acts as a foundation for growth and healing, where both partners can truly relax and be themselves, strengthening the bonds of love and understanding. Unveiling the Mask, Not Eliminating It 👫 The key to a healthy relationship in a neurodiverse partnership isn't about eradicating masking entirely. It's about fostering open communication and acknowledging the mask itself. Imagine the mask not as a barrier to intimacy, but as a layer waiting to be understood. Through honest conversations, you and your partner can explore the situations where masking feels necessary and discuss strategies for minimizing it. 🗣️ By discussing the results of tools like the CAT-Q , you can gain a deeper understanding of masking's impact and build empathy for each other's experiences. This awareness allows you to create a safe space at home where unmasking feels natural, fostering genuine connection and a stronger bond. Remember, masking can be a coping mechanism, but it shouldn't come at the expense of your true selves. Let's work together to unveil the masks, not eliminate them, and celebrate the beautiful authenticity beneath. Go deeper: Masking often follows couples into the bedroom too. Module 6 of our Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Program, Energy, Masking, and the Onramp , looks at how it affects intimacy and what helps. Click Here To Match With An Expert All the best, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Ready to Get Started? Tell us a little about yourself, and our client care team will match you with the neurodiverse specialist who's right for you. Get Started Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Assessment Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

A sex therapy session for neurodiverse couples on what sex is for, for each of you: three separate pulls, three reasons for sex, and your beliefs. Show the full module text Module 3 — What Sex Is For, for Each of You Hear what sex means to your partner, without a verdict. Watch first: the Module 3 video A narrated video of about 4 minutes in a layered paper-cutout style that opens and closes on the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center logo. It explores what sex is for, for each partner: cards for “Closeness,” “Stress Relief” and “Quiet Connection,” overlapping circles for sex drive, romantic love and the long-term bond, a “Societal Rules” collage, and circles moving from “Two Pictures” to “Shared Ground.” Couples appear at home and in video-call sessions with the therapist on a laptop, along with a “Sexual Beliefs Audit” checklist. Watch the Module 3 video: What Sex Is For, for Each of You (MP4, about 4 minutes). The written lesson below covers the same ground in full. One of you may reach for sex to feel close. The other may reach for it to unwind, or hardly reach for it at all and still feel deeply bonded. Many couples have never said out loud what sex is for, and each quietly assumes the other wants the same thing. What sex means to each of you Summary: what usually happens in the session 1 You each say what sex is for, for you. In your own words, with no right answer. 2 Your therapist describes three separate pulls. Sex drive, romantic love and the long-term bond, which can move apart. 3 You each name what brings you to sex. Sensation on your own terms, comfort, or play together. 4 You talk about what makes it safe enough to play. What helps each of you relax, and what puts you on guard. 5 You talk about where your ideas about sex came from. Family, culture, faith, friends, media, and years of masking. 6 You name what you share and where you differ. The overlap is your footing. The differences are the real conversation. One way this session can go, not a script. Your therapist will shape it to the two of you and to their own way of working. Step 1. You each say what sex is for, for you Most people were not taught how to talk about what sex means to them. So your therapist often starts with one simple question, and asks each of you in turn. Answers vary a great deal. Feeling close. Feeling wanted. Release after a long day. Fun. Comfort. Some people say they are not sure, or that sex has mostly felt like an obligation. All of these are useful answers. You can write yours down first and read it out if that is easier. The opening question. What is sex for, for you? Not what it is supposed to be. What it actually is, or what you would like it to be. Curious, not right. There are no perfect words here, and your partner’s answer is not a correction of yours. Many couples are surprised by what they hear in these first few minutes. Step 2. Your therapist describes three separate pulls Researchers who study love describe three largely separate brain systems that draw people together.1 Sex drive is the wish for sexual contact and release. Romantic love is the “in love” pull toward one person. Attachment is the long-term bond, the sense of “we”. They are only partly connected. You can feel one without the others. A partner whose sex drive is low can still love you and feel deeply bonded. A partner with a strong drive is not necessarily asking for more love. Most long relationships draw on all three, in amounts that shift over the years. The levels are only an example. They shift with health, stress and life stage, so the same person can look different a year from now. In the figure: Three separate pulls drawn as three channels on a mixing desk: sex drive (wanting sexual contact and release), romantic love (the in-love pull toward one person) and attachment (the long-term bond). Each partner has a slider on each channel. In the example, Partner A's sex drive is low and attachment high; Partner B's are both high. If a drive has changed suddenly, your therapist may suggest a medical check as well, alongside therapy. Hormones, medications, sleep and health can all play a part, and Low Desire looks at this in detail. Three pulls. Which of these feels strongest for you right now? Has that changed since you first met? Step 3. You each name what brings you to sex Your therapist may describe three reasons people come to sex. The couples therapist Sue Johnson calls them sealed-off, solace and synchrony.2 In plain words: sex on your own terms, sex for comfort, and sex as play together. Most people move between all three over a week or a year, and a couple can be in different rows on the same night. In the figure: Why people come to sex: on your own terms (sealed-off), for comfort (solace), or to play together (synchrony). Playing together needs enough safety to take risks with each other. None of the three is wrong. Each has its place. Sex on your own terms can be healthy, including sex on your own, though it can also drift away from your partner. Some autistic people describe sex and touch as a way to calm and regulate,3 and that kind of comfort is real closeness. What we look for is whether playing together is possible for you as well, when you both want it. Naming your reasons. Think of the last few times. What brought you to it? Comfort, release, play, or something else? Step 4. You talk about what makes it safe enough to play Play needs safety: enough of it that taking a small risk with your partner feels possible. Taking a risk might mean saying what you like, trying something new, or letting your partner see you unmasked. Your therapist may ask each of you what helps you feel safe enough for that, and what puts you on guard. For many neurodivergent people the answers are practical. Knowing what to expect. Touch that does not arrive as a surprise. Being free to stim or go quiet without it being read as a rejection. A no that will not cost a day of silence. For a partner who has felt turned down, safety may mean knowing they are still wanted. If you do not feel safe. This conversation is about feeling at ease, not about danger. If either of you is afraid of the other, or sex has happened under pressure, tell your therapist on your own. Work on sex pauses while that is looked at. Step 5. You talk about where your ideas about sex came from Most adults carry beliefs about sex they never chose: from family, culture, faith, friends and media. Many neurodivergent people carry a second layer, often unnamed, about being too much or about hiding who they are in bed. Beliefs couples often bring. If my partner loves me, they should know what I want. If we have to plan it, it does not count. My sensory needs are too much to ask for. Going quiet during sex means I am not into it. Your therapist does not ask you to give any of these up in the session. The aim is to notice which ones are yours, and where they came from. Beliefs like these have the most power when they stay unspoken. Step 6. You name what you share and where you differ Toward the end, your therapist may invite you to put the two pictures side by side. Most couples find something sex is for, for both of them, even if it is small: a way back to each other after a hard week, or a place to laugh. One couple’s picture. Partner A says sex is mostly a way to feel close after time apart. Partner B says it is mostly a way to unwind, and that lying close without sex feels close too. What they share: both want it unhurried. Differences are not a verdict. One of you may value comfort and the other play. One may want predictability and the other surprise. The point is to understand each other, not to win. These differences are what the rest of this course helps you design around. Closing the session. What is one thing sex is for that you both want? We can build from there. After the session Your therapist may suggest one or both of two worksheets on our site. Each of you fills one in privately first. The Sexual Beliefs Audit lists common beliefs, inherited and neurodivergent, to mark agree, disagree or mixed. If you both want to, trade and read each other’s in silence, then each pick one belief you would like to change this year. The Sexual Values Sort asks each of you to rank 24 values, then compare your top six: where they overlap, and where they pull apart. Bring what you noticed to your next session. The gold pairs often lead to the most useful conversation, because neither of you may have known the other valued something so different. In the figure: Comparing your top six on the Sexual Values Sort : emotional safety and connection in both; predictability and wordlessness for Partner A pulling against spontaneity and verbal expression for Partner B. The workbook below is yours alone, for after the session. Many couples next look at How Neurodivergence Shapes Sex , which names what most often gets in the way. If this is hard to do. If this is too much right now, there is no need to push through. Spend some time with your partner talking about what makes it hard, and share what comes up: embarrassment, sadness about what sex has become, or worry that your answers will not match. That conversation is part of the work. Can my partner love me and still have a low sex drive? Yes. Researchers who study love describe three systems that draw people together: sex drive, romantic love and the long-term bond. They are only partly connected, so you can feel one without the others. A partner whose sex drive is low can still love you and feel deeply bonded. If a drive has changed suddenly, your therapist may suggest a medical check alongside therapy. Is it wrong to want sex mostly for comfort or release? No. Many people come to sex for one of three reasons: sensation or release on their own terms, comfort, or play together. None of the three is bad on its own, and most people move between them. Some autistic people describe sex and touch as a way to calm and regulate. Therapy looks at whether playing together is possible as well, when you both want it. What makes sex feel safe enough to enjoy together? Playing together happens when you feel safe enough to take risks with your partner, such as saying what you like or being unmasked. For many neurodivergent people that means knowing what to expect, touch that is not a surprise, freedom to stim or go quiet, and a no that will not cost a day of silence. If either partner is afraid, they can tell the therapist on their own. What if we want different things from sex? Differences are not a verdict on the relationship. One of you may value comfort and the other play, or one predictability and the other surprise. The aim is to understand each other, not to win. Many couples find at least one thing sex is for that they both want, and build from there. A worksheet such as the Sexual Values Sort can help you compare. Your workbook Your answers save to this device only - we cannot see a word of what you write. Fill this in on your own after the session. What sex is for, for me Answer these on your own, after the session. There are no wrong answers. Your answers stay on this device, so if you share it, your partner may be able to see them. Right now, sex is mostly for me about: — Feeling close, Feeling wanted, Comfort and calming down, Release or sensation, Play and fun together, Not sure yet Of the three pulls, which feels strongest for me right now? — Sex drive, Romantic love, The long-term bond, About even, Not sure Lately, what brings me to sex most often? — Sensation on my own terms, Comfort, Playing together, It has not been happening, Not sure How safe does it feel to take a risk with my partner, such as saying what I like? — Very safe, Fairly safe, Not very safe, Not safe at all Beliefs and common ground Write a line or two. If something here is about your safety, tell your therapist on your own. One belief about sex I picked up that I might like to change One thing I think sex could be for, for both of us Where this comes from Every source below was checked against the published record. They are grouped by the kind of evidence they are, so the numbers may not run straight down the page — a number points back to where the source is used in the lesson. Research discussion The steps in this session come from our clinical work with neurodiverse couples. They have not been tested in a formal trial. The ideas behind them come from three sources, none of which studied neurodiverse couples. The three pulls come from a paper by Helen Fisher and colleagues1 that proposes separate brain systems for sex drive, romantic attraction and attachment. It is a theory built on small brain-scanning studies and animal research, so it is a useful way of thinking rather than a settled fact about any one person. The three reasons people come to sex come from Sue Johnson’s book for couples,2 drawn from her Emotionally Focused Therapy. It is a clinical framework, not a research finding. The point about calming and regulating comes from a study of the written accounts of more than 120 autistic people.3 It shows the experience exists, not how common it is. Who this research was done with. The studies behind this module, none of them of neurodiverse couples, drew heavily on white, comparatively well-off, English-speaking participants. If your household carries pressures those samples did not — money, immigration, racism, disability, unsafe housing — the practice still applies, but the room you are practicing in is harder. That is the room, not you. Clinically reviewed by Harry Motro, PsyD, LMFT · California LMFT #53452 · Founder and Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center · Clinical supervisor · Updated October 7, 2026 Peer-reviewed research 1. Fisher HE, Aron A, Brown LL (2006) Romantic love: a mammalian brain system for mate choice. Philosophical Transactions of the Royal Society B: Biological Sciences, 361(1476), 2173-2186 . https://doi.org/10.1098/rstb.2006.1938 A review proposing three brain systems for reproduction: the sex drive, romantic attraction and attachment, each linked with its own chemistry, which can act together or independently. It draws on brain-imaging studies of people in love and recently rejected, alongside animal and behavioral research. Limitation: a theoretical synthesis built on small imaging samples (17 people in love, 15 recently rejected) and animal work; not a study of couples or of neurodivergent people. 3. Gray S, Kirby AV, Holmes LG (2021) Autistic narratives of sensory features, sexuality, and relationships. Autism in Adulthood, 3(3), 238-246 . https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2020.0049 Qualitative analysis of publicly available narratives from 5 books and 13 online forums (72 usernames) plus 49 survey responses, over 120 autistic people in total, coded deductively against Dunn's model of sensory processing and inductively for further themes. Touch, sight, sound and smell shaped sexual experience in both positive and negative ways; some described distress at particular sensations, others sought more intense sensation or used intimacy to calm and regulate; strategies included talking with partners and using substances to dull sensation. Limitation: qualitative and self-selected; cannot say how common any pattern is. Clinical sources and public data 2. Johnson SM (2008) Hold Me Tight: Seven Conversations for a Lifetime of Love. Little, Brown and Company, New York . https://www.hachettebookgroup.com/titles/dr-sue-johnson/hold-me-tight/9780316113007/ A book for couples based on Emotionally Focused Therapy. It describes three kinds of sex: sealed-off (focused on sensation, with emotion shut away), solace (seeking reassurance of being loved and desirable) and synchrony (two people who feel safe and seen, coming together in play). This module puts these in plain words. Limitation: a clinical framework written for the public, not a research finding; the three kinds have not been tested as categories. Further reading • Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center (2026) Sexual Beliefs Audit. Practice materials, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/worksheets/sexual-beliefs-audit The practice's worksheet of inherited and neurodivergent-specific beliefs about sex, each marked agree, disagree or mixed; partners fill it in privately, trade and read in silence, and each pick one belief to change this year. Limitation: a clinical tool developed in use, not a validated instrument. • Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center (2026) Sexual Values Sort. Practice materials, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/worksheets/sexual-values-sort The practice's worksheet of 24 sexual values, ranked by each partner and compared for top-six overlaps and mismatches. Limitation: a clinical tool developed in use, not a validated instrument. Find out what sex means to each of you The Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center works with couples where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD or AuDHD, including on sex, desire and touch. We help each of you say what sex is for, hear your partner without a verdict, and build from what you share. Therapy for clients in California, coaching worldwide, all by telehealth. A first conversation costs nothing. Talk with our team Up next Module 4 — How Neurodivergence Shapes Sex All 24 modules in The Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Program

As a therapist deeply immersed in the intricate dynamics of neurodiverse relationships, I've often found myself in the middle of the age-old debate: What holds more value, facts or feelings? 🤔 Picture this: one partner, with a furrowed brow, insists, "The facts clearly show I'm right! You are completely overreacting! You shouldn't feel that way." 😠 While the other, with a sigh of frustration, counters, "But you're missing how all this makes me feel, which is just as important." 😞... As a therapist deeply immersed in the intricate dynamics of neurodiverse relationships, I've often found myself in the middle of the age-old debate: What holds more value, facts or feelings? 🤔 Picture this: one partner, with a furrowed brow, insists, "The facts clearly show I'm right! You are completely overreacting! You shouldn't feel that way." 😠 While the other, with a sigh of frustration, counters, " But you're missing how all this makes me feel, which is just as important." 😞 This isn't just an argument; it's a vivid illustration of two fundamentally different ways of experiencing the world, each with its own language, trying desperately to be heard and understood. 🗣️ The Deep Roots of Emotions 🌱 A deeper dive into the nature of feelings reveals that they are often rooted in past experiences rather than the present moment. This is particularly true for individuals who have endured trauma. For them, current events can act as triggers, invoking disproportionate emotional responses that seem incongruent with the actual situation. It's akin to a geological fault line; when the present bumps against this line, it causes tremors that reverberate through our being, manifesting as intense emotions. Understanding an Outsized Reaction 😲😡😥😖 This understanding of emotions sheds light on why we might react strongly to certain situations that, to our partner, might seem minor. It's NOT the present circumstance that's solely responsible for our feelings; instead, it's our past experiences casting long shadows over our current perceptions. This shift from present to past can lead us to erroneously believe that, if only our partner would change, our emotional turmoil would subside. However, the key to mitigating these disproportionate reactions lies in having compassion for the underlying trauma, thereby recalibrating our emotional responses to better match the realities of the present. The Autistic Mistake: Dismissing Emotions ❌🧠 Unfortunately, autistic partners often make the mistake of arguing facts over feelings . The wiser path is acknowledging the reality and significance of feelings, while setting facts aside for the moment. Emotions are indicators, messengers that convey important insights about our inner world and our relationships. The Allistic Mistake: Equating Emotions to Truth ❌🔮 On the other hand, the mistake that an allistic partner makes is to elevate these feelings to the status of incontrovertible truths , allowing them to unjustifiably indict others or dictate our actions. This misstep can lead us down a path of misunderstanding and conflict, both with ourselves and others. Take a Pause: From Primal to Thoughtful Response ⏸️💡 One of the most effective strategies for navigating emotional triggers is the practice of pausing before reacting . This pause, a moment of intentional breath and reflection, allows us to move from a primal, reactive state to one of thoughtful response. It signals to our body that we are safe, enabling us to engage the more rational parts of our brain. Learning to pause and respond rather than react can result in a monumental shift for a couple. Feelings are Essential, Not Truth 💖 Feeling our feelings is essential. Resisting or denying them as an individual or a couple only amplifies their intensity and can lead to greater internal turmoil. Feelings are transient energies, constantly in flux. By allowing them to flow through us, they lose their power to overwhelm. Yet, remembering this truth can be challenging in moments of acute emotional distress. Ultimately, honoring our feelings while also recognizing that they are not infallible truths is a delicate balance to achieve. Feelings provide valuable insights into our emotional landscape, but they must be interpreted with caution and context, particularly when they stem from past traumas. Go deeper: In our free Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program, Module 19, Impact and Intent , shows how to let a feeling be heard before anyone argues the facts. Neurodiverse Couples Counseling 🤝 For neurodiverse couples grappling with facts and feelings, the support of a neurodiverse couples specialist can be an invaluable step towards healing and equilibrium. In doing so, we learn not only to honor our feelings but also to ensure they serve us in constructive ways, guiding us toward healthier, more informed choices in our lives. Click Here To Match With An Expert With heartfelt guidance and support, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Ready to Get Started? Tell us a little about yourself, and our client care team will match you with the neurodiverse specialist who's right for you. Get Started Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

When one child is diagnosed with autism or ADHD, families often start seeing patterns everywhere. The Genetic Ripple Effect explains why neurodivergent traits cluster across generations and what those percentages really mean. By Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center c Does autism run in families If you’ve ever watched a “hot take” about autism and felt your stomach tighten—because none of it matches your real life —you’re not imagining things. Because here’s the real-world problem: People argue i dentity vs. disability like it’s a team sport, while you’re over here trying to get through your day without burning out, melting down, shutting down, or feeling like you’re failing at “basic” life. That’s why I’m starting with a short TikTok from Ashley Kang , our autism advocate at She Rocks The Spectrum (part of our family of websites). TikTok link: https://www.tiktok.com/@sherocksthespectrum/video/7610263393840172301 If you’ve ever heard people argue, “Autism isn’t a disability—it’s an identity.” Then someone else fires back, “No, it’s definitely a disability.” Without realizing it, a lot of the fight is people using the same word, “disability,” to mean completely different things. Some people hear disability and think: broken, defective, less-than . Other people mean: a real limitation in daily life that deserves support, accommodations, and legal protection. Those are not the same idea. And when we mash them together, we get a loud, exhausting debate that doesn’t actually help autistic people live better. Why this question matters in real life This isn’t just philosophy. The identity vs. disability question can shape: whether you feel shame or self-respect whether you ask for accommodations or try to “push through.” whether therapy becomes “make me normal” or “help me build a life that fits me.” whether you feel understood by partners, family, employers, and even clinicians So let’s clean this up and make it useful. The three big ways people think about disability 1) The medical model This view tends to locate the “problem” inside the person and focuses on fixing or reducing symptoms. Sometimes that’s helpful (especially when someone is suffering and wants concrete support). Sometimes it turns into, “You should be more normal,” which is where shame and masking explode. 2) The social model The social model says: people are often “disabled” by barriers in society—systems, expectations, environments—not just by what’s happening inside their bodies or brains. That rings true for autism in a lot of everyday situations: offices built for constant small talk and open-floor noise schools that punish movement, stimming, or different learning styles workplaces that reward “looking confident” over being clear and accurate The social model is powerful because it points the spotlight at the world: “Maybe the environment is the problem.” 3) The biopsychosocial model (the “both/and” model that actually works) This approach says functioning and disability come from an interaction between the person and the environment. The WHO’s ICF framework spells this out directly: disability and functioning happen in context, and environmental factors matter. In plain English: Sometimes the world is the problem. Sometimes your nervous system is having a hard day, no matter how kind the world is. Often it’s both. And you don’t have to pick a team. So… is autism an identity or a disability? For many people, it’s both. Autism as identity Identity is about meaning: “This is how my brain works.” “This is part of who I am.” “I’m not going to treat my existence like a defect.” That can be deeply stabilizing—especially for late-diagnosed adults who spent years thinking they were “too much,” “too sensitive,” “lazy,” or “bad at life.” Autism as disability Disability, in the practical sense, is about impact: sensory overload that wipes you out communication mismatches that cost relationships or jobs executive function differences that make daily life feel like pushing a boulder uphill And here’s the key: calling something a disability doesn’t have to mean “I hate myself.” It can mean, “This is real, it affects my life, and I deserve support.” Advocacy groups like ASAN explicitly hold this stance: autism is a developmental disability, and disability is a natural part of human diversity. A hard truth people skip: society isn’t the only source of pain Sometimes the pro-social model accidentally implies: “If society accommodated perfectly, autistic people wouldn’t struggle.” That’s not always true. Many autistic people deal with sensory pain , shutdowns, sleep problems, burnout, inertia, or anxiety even in supportive environments. The environment matters hugely—but it’s not magic. (This is one reason the ICF “interaction” model is more realistic.) Language: “autistic person” vs “person with autism” Here’s the simplest version: There is no single “correct” choice that everyone agrees on. Research consistently shows preferences differ by group and culture. In a U.S. sample of autism stakeholders, autistic adults largely preferred identity-first language (“autistic person”), while professionals leaned more person-first. In a large Dutch sample, most autistic adults and parents preferred person-first language (“person with autism”). More broadly, disability-language preference varies across conditions and demographics, which supports a client-centered “ask and mirror” approach. What to do with this: Use the language that feels right to you. And if you’re in therapy, you get to tell your therapist what you prefer. Disability isn’t just a label—it’s also an access category In the U.S., disability status can unlock protections and accommodations. The ADA’s plain-language definition includes: an impairment that substantially limits major life activities, a record/history of that impairment, or being regarded as having it. That means for some people, embracing “disability” isn’t negative—it’s self-advocacy. It can sound like: “I’m not failing. I need accommodations.” “I’m not weak. This is a protected access need.” “I’m not dramatic. This is a real nervous-system limit.” Masking: why this debate gets emotional fast Many autistic people have spent years masking —studying social rules, forcing eye contact, copying tone, suppressing stims, performing “fine.” Masking can help someone survive… and also quietly wreck them. A review on stigma and camouflaging describes how these pressures can shape mental health outcomes and identity experience for autistic people. So when someone says, “Autism isn’t a disability,” an autistic person who’s exhausted might hear: “Then why are you struggling? You shouldn’t need support.” And when someone says, “Autism is a disability,” another autistic person might hear: “You’re defective. Try harder to be normal.” Both reactions make sense if you’ve lived either version. Two common traps (and how to avoid them) Trap 1: Romanticizing autism This is when “identity” talk turns into: “It’s just a difference! Everything’s fine!” That can erase real pain, burnout, and support needs—especially for people with higher support needs or additional diagnoses. Better: pride + realism. You can honor strengths without pretending it’s easy. Trap 2: Pathologizing autism This is when “disability” talk becomes a deficit list. That can reinforce shame and pressure to conform. A neurodivergence-informed therapy stance explicitly pushes back on default normalization and centers well-being and fit rather than “make you normal.” Better: support without shame. Treat needs as needs, not moral failings. How to use a “both/and” stance in your life (practical) Here are a few questions that actually help: When do I feel proud to be autistic? (What parts feel like “me,” not a problem?) Where do I feel genuinely limited or drained? (Not “should,” not “lazy,” just real-world impact.) Which parts are environment mismatch? (Noise, pace, social expectations, transitions, unclear instructions.) Which parts feel intrinsic to my nervous system? (Sensory sensitivity, shutdown patterns, cognitive fatigue, inertia.) What supports would reduce suffering the most? (Accommodations, routines, communication changes, relationship agreements, workload changes.) What’s my language preference right now? (It can change over time. You’re allowed.) What we aim for in therapy Good therapy for autistic clients (and autistic/allistic couples) shouldn’t force you into a box. The goal isn’t “identity-only” or “disability-only.” The goal is: self-understanding without self-hate support without infantilizing skill-building without erasing your neurology A life that fits your brain more often than it fights it Go deeper: In our free Neurodiverse Couples Repair Program, Module 13, What the Labels Were Describing , helps you set down old labels, and Module 16, Who I Am, in My Own Words , helps you tell your partner how you work. Get an Accommodation Letter Take the Sensory Profile Start the Self-Discovery Screener Harry Motro Clinical Director, Adult Autism Assessment Center, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Resources & Further Reading Oliver, M. (1990). The Individual and Social Models of Disability. World Health Organization. International Classification of Functioning, Disability and Health (ICF). Rivera, R. A., & Bennetto, L. (2023). Applications of identity-based theories to understand the impact of stigma and camouflaging on mental health outcomes for autistic people. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 14 , 1243657. Taboas, A., Doepke, K., & Zimmerman, C. (2023). Preferences for identity-first versus person-first language in a US sample of autism stakeholders. Autism, 27 (2), 565–570. Buijsman, R., Begeer, S., & Scheeren, A. M. (2023). ‘Autistic person’ or ‘person with autism’? Person-first language preference in Dutch adults with autism and parents. Autism, 27 (3), 788–795. Grech, L. B., Koller, D., & Olley, A. (2024). Person-first and identity-first disability language: Informing client centred care. Social Science & Medicine, 362 , 117444. Autistic Self Advocacy Network. What We Believe. U.S. Department of Justice. Introduction to the Americans with Disabilities Act. Chapman, R., & Botha, M. (2023). Neurodivergence-informed therapy. Developmental Medicine & Child Neurology, 65 (3), 310–317. Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

What switches desire off, what turns it on, and the brakes that come with autism and ADHD: a sex therapy session for neurodiverse couples. Show the full module text Module 15 — Brakes and Accelerators Ease what switches desire off before adding anything new. Watch first: the Module 15 video A narrated video of about four minutes in a soft 3D paper-craft style in lavender and mint that opens and closes on the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center logo. It explains the “Dual Control Model” as a gauge with brake and accelerator controls, then lists “Neurodivergent Brakes” such as masking all day, a full sensory tank, and demands and friction. A couple meets their therapist on a video call, writes private lists at home, reads them together, and picks one brake to ease and one accelerator to add. Watch the Module 15 video: Brakes and Accelerators (MP4, about 4 minutes). The written lesson below covers the same ground in full. One of you has been reading about how to bring the spark back: candles, a weekend away, something new to try. The other knows the trouble is not a lack of anything exciting. It is the phone, the open argument, the day spent holding it together. This module walks through a session where you each list what turns desire on and what shuts it down. What turns desire on, and what shuts it down Summary: what usually happens in the session 1 Your therapist explains the two lists. What speeds desire up, and what slows it down or shuts it off. 2 You each list what slows your desire down. Privately, in writing: stress, pressure, pain, a busy mind. 3 You add the brakes that come with neurodivergence. Masking, a full sensory tank, shutdown, an ask that feels like a demand. 4 You each list what speeds your desire up. Including the ones standard advice rarely names, such as knowing the plan. 5 You read each other’s lists, brakes first. Then your therapist asks what surprised you. 6 You choose one brake to ease and one accelerator to add. The smallest and most concrete of each, agreed by both of you. One way this session can go, not a script. Your therapist will shape it to the two of you and to their own way of working. Step 1. Your therapist explains the two lists Your therapist may start with a simple idea. Desire responds to two separate things. One is what turns you on, which speeds it up. The other is what turns you off or shuts you down, which slows it. Sex researchers call this the dual control model.1 A popular book for general readers explains it as brakes and accelerators, the words this session uses.2 What sits on each pedal differs from person to person, so two partners rarely have the same things on theirs. In the figure: Desire drawn as two pedals, like those in a car. The brake slows desire (for example stress, or a full sensory tank); the accelerator speeds it up (for example feeling close, or knowing the plan). The brake is held down, and while it is, pressing the accelerator harder does little. The Brakes & Accelerators worksheet has the full lists. Many couples start by adding more. When desire fades, the usual advice is a new place, a new outfit, more romance. In our work, the bigger change usually comes from easing a brake. Pressing harder on the accelerator does little while the brake is on. The two lists. Let’s not ask what is wrong with your desire. Let’s ask what turns it on for each of you, and what keeps switching it off. Step 2. You each list what slows your desire down Your therapist may ask each of you to jot down your own brakes on paper, privately, without looking at your partner’s. It helps to be specific. “I’m just stressed” says less than “work email on my phone at ten at night”. Your therapist may name some common brakes to jog your memory. Stress, tiredness or hunger. An argument that never got finished. Feeling rushed, or pressure to perform or to finish. Worry about your body, or about your partner’s pleasure. Watching yourself from the outside instead of feeling what is happening. Messages about sex you grew up with. Pain is a brake that needs a doctor too. If sex hurts, or if desire, arousal, erections or orgasm have changed suddenly, your therapist will usually suggest seeing a doctor as well. Some medications can also lower desire, and that is a question for whoever prescribed them. A medical check runs alongside therapy, not instead of it. Some problems need a specialist, such as a pelvic floor physical therapist, and your therapist will help you decide. Finding your brakes. Think of the last time you wanted to be close and then didn’t. What got in the way? Step 3. You add the brakes that come with neurodivergence Most lists of brakes were written for neurotypical bodies. So your therapist may go through a second set, the ones that often come with autism or ADHD. In our experience these tend to be the heaviest, and the least often said out loud. A partner who is not autistic or ADHD may recognize few of these, which is one reason to say them out loud. In the figure: Brakes that often come with neurodivergence: masking all day; a full sensory tank; shutdown; an ask that feels like a demand; being pulled out of deep focus; touch you did not expect. The Sexual Brakes worksheet has a page of these. Shutdown is not rejection. A partner in shutdown can look cold or far away. Usually they have simply run out of capacity. Saying so turns a silent no into information you can both use. Being asked can be the brake. For some people, even a kind invitation turns sex into a demand, and the wanting switches off. That is about how their nervous system meets pressure. It is not a judgment of the person who asked. Some people also expect to be turned down or criticized, and that fear is louder than desire. This is sometimes called rejection sensitivity. It is a description, not a diagnosis, and When “No” Lands Hard goes further into it. Masking and switching over are the subject of Energy, Masking, and the Onramp , and the senses of Your Sensory Map . Here you only mark which brakes are yours. Step 4. You each list what speeds your desire up Next comes the other list, again privately. Common accelerators include feeling close earlier in the day, a calm body that is rested and fed, a slow build-up without pressure, and feeling safe to say no. Some people like anticipation. Others like a surprise, within limits you have agreed. Accelerators standard advice rarely names. Knowing the plan. Predictability is not unsexy. For many, it is permission. Written words. A note or an agreed phrase, instead of an ask in the moment. One thing at a time. One sense, or one area of the body, at once. Room to be yourself. Permission to stim, make sound, move or be still, without performing. In autistic people’s own accounts, touch, sight, sound and smell made sex better for some and worse for others.3 So one person’s brake can be another’s accelerator. In our experience, a strong interest can work either way too: for some it pulls attention away, for others a story or setting they love draws them in. Exact words help. If a kind of touch is on your list, “soft” or “gentle” tells your partner very little. Your therapist may ask where, how firm and how slow. Plain words are fine. Nobody needs to be poetic. Step 5. You read each other’s lists, brakes first Now you swap lists, or read them out in turn. Your therapist usually suggests starting with the brakes, because that side tends to hold the bigger surprises. Try to take in your partner’s list before asking or explaining anything. It can sting to find something you do on your partner’s brake list, such as the way you reach for them or the hour you usually ask. That is news about what slows their body down. It is not a verdict on you, and the care behind what you did still counts. If one of you has a much longer brake list, that is common too, and it says nothing about who cares more. A brake is a condition you can change, not a flaw in either of you. After reading. Which of your partner’s brakes did you not know about? And which one feels easiest for you to help with? Step 6. You choose one brake to ease and one accelerator to add From your two sets of lists, you choose together one brake to ease and one accelerator to add. Your therapist will often steer you to the smallest, most concrete of each: phones charging in another room, a hard conversation moved out of the bedroom, a note in the morning instead of a question at night. The morning note fits both lists: for Partner A it is a note, not a question, and it lets Partner B feel chosen. In the figure: One couple's lists. Partner A's brakes: phone buzzing in bed, being asked then waiting, masking all day; accelerators: knowing the plan, a note not a question, one touch at a time. Partner B's brakes: feeling rushed, a fight left open, bright lights; accelerators: feeling chosen, time to talk first, a firm back rub. Chosen for the week: phones charge in the kitchen, and a morning note about tonight. The goal is not more sex. Easing a brake makes closeness easier to reach. Either of you can still say no on any evening, and the change has still done its job. Two yeses, and a safe no. Anything you try at home is something you have both agreed to here first, at the pace of whichever of you needs it slower. These tools are for relationships where both of you can say yes, no, wait or stop without being punished for it. If sex has happened under pressure, or if either of you is afraid of the other, tell your therapist on your own. The work on sex pauses while that is looked at. Choosing. What is the smallest brake we could ease this week? And what is one accelerator you would like to ask for? After the session The Brakes & Accelerators worksheet on our site has the full lists and four questions to talk over once you have compared. If you want to go deeper, Sexual Brakes and Sexual Accelerators each have a page for the ones that come with neurodivergence. If a kind of touch is on your list, Pleasure Mapping helps you find words for where and how. Fill in your own copy privately. You decide what, if anything, to share. Try the two changes you chose, and notice what happens, without grading it. Brakes shift with stress, health and the seasons of life, so many couples look at their lists again after a month: what lifted, and what is still there. The workbook below is for after the session, on your own first. If this is hard to do. If this is too much right now, there is no need to push through. Spend some time with your partner talking about what makes it hard. It might be hurt at seeing yourself on your partner’s brake list, embarrassment at naming what turns you on, or discouragement at how long one list is. That conversation is part of the work. Why does adding romance not fix low desire? Desire responds to two separate lists: what speeds it up and what slows it down or shuts it off. When desire fades, the usual advice is to add something new. In our work, the bigger change usually comes from easing a brake, such as stress, an open argument or pressure to perform. Pressing harder on the accelerator does little while the brake is on. What sexual brakes come with autism or ADHD? Many are rarely named in standard advice: masking all day, a sensory tank that is already full, shutdown, an invitation that feels like a demand, being pulled out of deep focus, and touch you did not expect. In our experience these tend to be the heaviest brakes. A partner in shutdown can look cold, but usually they have simply run out of capacity. What turns desire on for neurodivergent people? Common accelerators include feeling close earlier in the day, a calm body and feeling safe to say no. Some that standard advice rarely names are knowing the plan ahead, a written note instead of an ask in the moment, one sense or one area of the body at a time, and room to stim, move or be still without performing. What if I am on my partner's list of brakes? It can sting to find something you do on your partner's brake list, such as the way you reach for them or the hour you usually ask. That is news about what slows their body down, not a verdict on you, and the care behind what you did still counts. A brake is a condition you can change, not a flaw in either of you. Your workbook Your answers save to this device only - we cannot see a word of what you write. Fill this in AFTER the session, on your own first. My lists, after the session Answer these on your own first. Your answers stay on this device, so if you share it, your partner may be able to see them. Pick the closest option even if none is exact. Which kind of brake is heaviest for me right now? — Stress or tiredness, The senses, Masking or shutdown, Pressure or feeling rushed, A busy mind, Something between us, Pain or my body, Not sure Did my partner already know about my biggest brake? — Yes, Partly, No, I have not told them yet What surprised me more on my partner's lists? — Their brakes, Their accelerators, Neither, We have not compared yet Did I name an accelerator that standard advice rarely mentions? — Yes, No, Not sure What we chose, and how it went Fill in the first two after the session. Come back to the last one after you have tried the changes. The one brake we agreed to ease The one accelerator we agreed to add What I noticed when we tried them Where this comes from Every source below was checked against the published record. They are grouped by the kind of evidence they are, so the numbers may not run straight down the page — a number points back to where the source is used in the lesson. Research discussion The steps in this session come from our clinical work with neurodiverse couples and from our worksheets. They have not been tested in a formal trial. The idea that easing a brake often helps more than adding an accelerator is our clinical observation. Nagoski makes the same argument, but it has not been tested as a treatment. The dual control model was set out by Erick Janssen and John Bancroft.1 It describes sexual response as a balance between two separate systems, one that excites and one that inhibits, which differ from person to person. Their chapter reviews questionnaire and laboratory research with volunteers. It did not study couples or autistic and ADHD adults, and it did not test easing brakes as a treatment. Emily Nagoski’s book2 explains the same model for general readers as brakes and accelerators. It is popular science, not a study. The accounts of sex and the senses come from autistic people writing in five books, on online forums and in answers to a survey.3 They show that the same sensation can help or hinder, but not how common each experience is. Who this research was done with. The studies behind this module, none of them of neurodiverse couples, drew heavily on white, comparatively well-off, English-speaking participants. If your household carries pressures those samples did not — money, immigration, racism, disability, unsafe housing — the practice still applies, but the room you are practicing in is harder. That is the room, not you. Clinically reviewed by Harry Motro, PsyD, LMFT · California LMFT #53452 · Founder and Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center · Clinical supervisor · Updated October 7, 2026 Peer-reviewed research 1. Janssen E, Bancroft J (2007) The dual control model: The role of sexual inhibition and excitation in sexual arousal and behavior. In E. Janssen (Ed.), The Psychophysiology of Sex (pp. 197-222). Indiana University Press, Bloomington . https://iupress.org/9780253348982/the-psychophysiology-of-sex Book chapter setting out the dual control model: sexual arousal and behavior depend on the balance between a sexual excitation system and a sexual inhibition system, which vary between individuals. The academic source the /sex page gives for brakes and accelerators. Limitation: a theoretical review of questionnaire and laboratory research with volunteers; not a study of couples or of autistic or ADHD adults, and not a treatment trial. 3. Gray S, Kirby AV, Holmes LG (2021) Autistic narratives of sensory features, sexuality, and relationships. Autism in Adulthood, 3(3), 238-246 . https://doi.org/10.1089/aut.2020.0049 Qualitative analysis of publicly available narratives from 5 books and 13 online forums (messages from 72 usernames) plus 49 answers to an open-ended survey question, coded deductively against Dunn's model of sensory processing and inductively for further themes. Touch, sight, sound and smell shaped sexual experience in both positive and negative ways; some described distress at particular sensations, others sought more intense sensation or used intimacy to calm and regulate; strategies included talking with partners and using substances to dull sensation. Limitation: qualitative and self-selected; cannot say how common any pattern is. Clinical sources and public data 2. Nagoski E (2015) Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science That Will Transform Your Sex Life. Simon & Schuster, New York . https://openlibrary.org/isbn/9781476762098 A book for general readers that translates the dual control model into sexual brakes and accelerators, and argues that sexual difficulties more often come from too much hitting the brakes than from too little reaching the accelerator, so reducing what hits the brakes matters as much as adding stimulation. Limitation: popular science, not a study; written mainly with women in mind. Further reading • Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center (2026) Brakes & Accelerators. Practice materials, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/worksheets/brakes-accelerators The practice's worksheet for listing what slows desire down and what speeds it up, filled in privately, compared brakes first, and ending with one brake to remove and one accelerator to add. Limitation: a clinical tool developed in use, not a validated instrument. • Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center (2026) Sexual Brakes. Practice materials, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/worksheets/sexual-brakes The practice's deeper worksheet on brakes, with a page of brakes that often come with neurodivergence and a removal plan. Limitation: a clinical tool developed in use, not a validated instrument. • Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center (2026) Sexual Accelerators. Practice materials, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/worksheets/sexual-accelerators The practice's deeper worksheet on accelerators, starting with the ones that often come with neurodivergence (predictability, written communication, one channel at a time, sensory accommodations, unmasked safety). Limitation: a clinical tool developed in use, not a validated instrument. • Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center (2026) Pleasure Mapping. Practice materials, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center . https://www.neurodiversecouplescounseling.com/worksheets/pleasure-mapping The practice's worksheet for building exact words for what touch feels good, and where, filled in privately and then shared. Limitation: a clinical tool developed in use, not a validated instrument. Find the brakes, together The Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center helps couples where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD or AuDHD find what turns desire on and what shuts it down, including the brakes standard advice rarely names. Nothing sexual happens in our sessions. Therapy for clients in California, coaching worldwide, all by telehealth. A first conversation costs nothing. Talk with our team Up next Module 16 — Aftercare and Repair All 24 modules in The Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Program

Sex therapy for couples where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD or AuDHD: 24 modules on what happens in each session, and what to do after. Show the full page text The Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Program An introduction to sex therapy, and a companion to it, for couples where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD or AuDHD. Each module walks you through what tends to happen in one session, and then gives the two of you something to do after it. Nothing sexual happens in a session: it is all talk. Anything you try at home happens only if you both agree to it, at the pace of whichever of you needs it slower. Nothing here needs an account, and nothing you write leaves your own device. 24 of 24 modules are published and readable now. Any others are listed by name so you can see the whole shape of the program before you start it. There is a short video at the top of this page. What The Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Program is, who it is for, and what its six parts cover. It runs about 5 minutes. How to read it A framework, not a script. Each module describes one way a session can go. Every therapist at our center is an experienced clinician with their own way of working, and yours will shape each session to the two of you: changing the order, spending longer on some steps, skipping others, or trying something different. Use the modules to know roughly what to expect, not as a checklist your sessions have to follow. Parts One to Four run in order and each assumes the ones before it: starting the conversation, how your two brains shape sex, asking, answering and planning, and touch, one step at a time. Part Five does not: it is a shelf of the things that most often bring couples to sex therapy (Low Desire ; When One of You Wants It More ; Erections and Performance Anxiety ; Pain During Sex ; Porn and Secrecy ; Body Image ; Perimenopause and Menopause ), and you take the ones that are about your life. Where the body may be part of it, we ask you to see a doctor as well. Part Six is about making it yours. You do not have to be in therapy to use any of it. Part One - Starting the Conversation 1A — Your First Sex Therapy Session What to expect, and what never happens, when you first talk about sex. Read Your First Sex Therapy Session 1B — Talking About Talking About Sex Make the subject sayable before you try to solve anything. Read Talking About Talking About Sex 1C — What Sex Is For, for Each of You Hear what sex means to your partner, without a verdict. Read What Sex Is For, for Each of You Part Two - How Your Brains Shape Sex 2A — How Neurodivergence Shapes Sex Name what gets in the way, without blaming either of you. Read How Neurodivergence Shapes Sex 2B — Your Sensory Map Make the room fit both of your bodies. Read Your Sensory Map 2C — Energy, Masking, and the Onramp Save some energy for each other, and time to arrive. Read Energy, Masking, and the Onramp 2D — When “No” Lands Hard Make it safe to ask, and safe to say no. Read When “No” Lands Hard 2E — Orientation, Identity, and Desire Start from who you each are, not from the usual script. Read Orientation, Identity, and Desire Part Three - Asking, Answering, and Planning 3A — Saying It Plainly Plain words you agree on, so nobody has to guess. Read Saying It Plainly 3B — Yes, No, Maybe Find what you both want, with nobody talked into anything. Read Yes, No, Maybe 3C — The Daily Check-In Six numbers a day, so neither of you has to guess. Read The Daily Check-In 3D — Asking and Answering Make it easy to ask, and safe to give any answer. Read Asking and Answering 3E — Scheduling Intimacy Keep a time for each other, with no promise attached. Read Scheduling Intimacy Part Four - Touch, Step by Step 4A — Sensate Focus, One Step at a Time Find your way back to touch, with nothing to prove. Read Sensate Focus, One Step at a Time 4B — Brakes and Accelerators Ease what switches desire off before adding anything new. Read Brakes and Accelerators 4C — Aftercare and Repair Make the minutes after feel as safe as the rest. Read Aftercare and Repair Part Five - When Something Is Wrong 5A — Low Desire Find what is lowering desire, without blaming either of you. Read Low Desire 5B — When One of You Wants It More Plan for the desire you each have, not the one you expected. Read When One of You Wants It More 5C — Erections and Performance Anxiety Step out of the worry loop around sex, together. Read Erections and Performance Anxiety 5D — Pain During Sex Stop pushing through pain, and find help together. Read Pain During Sex 5E — Porn and Secrecy Talk about porn without shame, blame or hiding. Read Porn and Secrecy 5F — Body Image Spend less of sex watching yourself, and more of it feeling. Read Body Image 5G — Perimenopause and Menopause Work out the new rules for sex, together. Read Perimenopause and Menopause Part Six - Making It Yours 6A — Designing Your Own Relationship Keep what fits you both, and plan for the slips. Read Designing Your Own Relationship Working with us The Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center works with couples where one or both partners are autistic, ADHD or AuDHD, including on sex, desire and touch. Everything described in these modules is part of how we work, shaped by your therapist to the two of you. Therapy for clients in California, coaching worldwide, all by telehealth. A first conversation costs nothing. Talk with our team . Acknowledgments The Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Program was compiled by, and written under the direction of, Harry Motro , LMFT, founder and clinical director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. It represents the input of the whole clinical team. Every session it describes is one the center’s therapists run, in the way they run it, and the program exists because they were willing to say, in detail, what they actually do in the room. The clinical team. Our deepest thanks go to the therapists of the center. Their sessions are what these modules describe. Their worksheets, refined over thousands of hours with neurodiverse couples, are what the modules draw on: the Yes / No / Maybe Inventory , the Sensory Map , the Daily Check-In Tracker , the Scheduled Intimacy Agreement , Brakes and Accelerators , the Aftercare Plan , the Designer Relationship worksheet, and many others. Where a module says “we,” it means them. Meet the team . The couples. And to the couples. Everything here that is true was learned from people who sat in the room, tried it, told us when it did not work, and came back the next week. Nobody’s story is in these pages. Everybody’s is. The research. Each module lists its sources, with what each one can and cannot support, at the foot of its page. Across the program, the work we lean on, and are grateful for: Laura Pecora, Gary Mesibov and Mark Stokes on what the research shows about sexuality in autism Sarah Garfinkel and colleagues on how autistic people sense what is happening inside their own bodies Damian Milton on the double empathy problem Laura Hull and colleagues on social camouflaging Gray, Kirby and Holmes on autistic adults' own accounts of the senses, sexuality and relationships Helen Fisher, Arthur Aron and Lucy Brown on the brain systems behind desire, romantic love and attachment Sue Johnson on the conversations that keep couples close Dinah Murray, Mike Lesser and Wenn Lawson on monotropism Ari Tuckman on how ADHD shows up in a couple's sex life van Asselt, Reekers and Roke on rejection sensitivity in autistic adults Teresa Tavassoli and colleagues on sensory over-responsivity in autistic adults MacLennan, O'Brien and Tavassoli on the sensory experiences of autistic adults, in their own words Kathleen Hupfeld, Tessa Abagis and Priti Shah on hyperfocus in adult ADHD Steven Kapp and colleagues on autistic adults' views of stimming Beheshti, Chavanon and Christiansen on emotion dysregulation in adult ADHD Jeroen Dewinter, Hanneke De Graaf and Sander Begeer on sexual orientation and gender identity in autistic adults Varun Warrier and colleagues on autism among transgender and gender-diverse people Bush, Williams and Mendes on asexuality among autistic women Catherine Crompton and colleagues on information transfer between autistic and non-autistic people Emma Kinnaird, Catherine Stewart and Kate Tchanturia on alexithymia in autism Michael Robinson and Gerald Clore on how people report what they feel Ottenstein, Hasselhorn and Lischetzke on how checking in daily makes feelings clearer Paul Schrodt, Paul Witt and Jenna Shimkowski on the demand/withdraw pattern Ye In Hwang and colleagues on anxiety and uncertainty in autistic adults Rosemary Basson on responsive desire William Masters and Virginia Johnson on sensate focus Linda Weiner and Constance Avery-Clark on sensate focus in practice Erick Janssen and John Bancroft on the dual control model of sexual response Emily Nagoski on brakes and accelerators Roy Lewicki, Beth Polin and Robert Lount on what makes an apology work Marita McCabe and colleagues on how sexual difficulties are defined Jan Shifren and colleagues on how common sexual problems and distress are William Masters and Virginia Johnson on the human sexual response Raymond Rosen and colleagues on erections and general health Ronald Pyke on sexual performance anxiety Paris, Lodestone, Houser and Lewis on autistic shutdowns Elke Reissing and colleagues on how pain with penetration is now understood Moniek ter Kuile and colleagues on therapist-aided treatment for vaginismus Al Cooper on sexuality and the internet de Alarcón and colleagues on what is and is not known about online porn Shane Kraus, Valerie Voon and Marc Potenza on compulsive sexual behavior Yasisca Pujols, Cindy Meston and Brooke Seal on body image and sexual satisfaction Alexandra Leedham and colleagues on autism diagnosed in middle and late adulthood Rachel Moseley, Tara Druce and Julie Turner-Cobb on autistic people's own accounts of menopause Ginny Russell and colleagues on the autistic advantage Dora Raymaker and colleagues on autistic burnout Yuthika Girme, Nickola Overall and Simpson Faingataa on what shared time together does for a relationship We have tried to say what each study shows and no more. Where the program goes past the evidence, the module says so.