Writing the Disclosure

A full disclosure is one complete, prepared account of the behaviors and the deception around them - written with your therapist, reviewed, and delivered in a facilitated session. This worksheet walks you through it section by section. It is a working draft; do not deliver it on your own.

Write this with your therapist: Draft this with a disclosure-trained therapist (a CSAT-S or equivalent) who reviews every part before it is read. This sheet organizes your thinking; your therapist guides what's included, how it's worded, and how it's delivered.

Full and factual, not graphic: Your partner needs the truth that affects her safety, health, money, and decisions - not explicit detail. Truth, not a play-by-play.

1. Opening — why I'm doing this

Acknowledge the harm, state your commitment to complete honesty, and that this is for her - not to relieve your guilt.

My opening statement:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

2. The full timeline

A chronological overview of the secret sexual behavior across the relationship - and before it, if relevant. Periods, not graphic scenes.

The timeline, start to now:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

3. The categories of behavior

Check every type that applies, then describe each factually below - only what's true.

• [ ] Pornography / compulsive use
• [ ] Affairs (emotional)
• [ ] Affairs (physical)
• [ ] Paid sex / escorts
• [ ] Massage / erotic services
• [ ] Hookups / dating apps
• [ ] Webcam / chat / sexting
• [ ] Voyeurism / exhibitionism
• [ ] Other

Each category that applies, described factually:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

4. Who was involved

Whether any were people she knows - friends, family, coworkers, neighbors. Only what she needs for her reality, no more.

Who was involved (only what she needs to know):

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

5. Duration and frequency

How long, how often, and how it escalated over time - factual.

Duration, frequency, and how it escalated:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

6. Health and safety

Any STI testing or exposure, any unprotected contact, anything that affects her physical health. Be complete - this is about her safety.

Health and safety information, complete:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

• [ ] I have disclosed every health risk to her, with nothing left out

7. Financial impact

Money spent on the behavior - paid sex, subscriptions, hotels, gifts - and any debt or spending hidden from her.

The financial impact, including anything hidden:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

8. The deception — the lies, not just the acts

The cover stories, the gaslighting, the lies told to keep the secret. For many partners this is the deepest wound - name it fully.

The deceptions and lies, named fully:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

9. How the secret was kept

Secret accounts, second phones, hidden apps, locations - the infrastructure of the secret, so she understands how it was concealed.

How the secret was kept and concealed:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

10. Anything with lasting consequences

Pregnancies, legal exposure, other ongoing relationships, photos or recordings, anything that could surface later. Surface it now - not in a later discovery.

Anything with lasting consequences that could surface later:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

11. Where things stand now

Is it fully stopped? Your sobriety date, your bottom lines, and the safeguards in place today.

Where things stand now - sobriety, bottom lines, safeguards:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

12. What is not in this disclosure — and why

Note anything excluded on your therapist's guidance - for example, graphic detail she's asked not to receive (honor her 'What I Want to Know - and What I Don't' scope). Excluding graphic detail is appropriate; excluding facts to protect yourself is not.

What's excluded, and why:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

13. Taking responsibility

Close by owning the impact, with no excuses and no demands on her. This is not the place to ask for forgiveness.

Taking responsibility, with no excuses:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

Completeness check

Be honest - every unchecked box is a half-truth waiting to re-wound her.

• [ ] The full timeline is here
• [ ] Every category of behavior is named
• [ ] Every health risk is disclosed
• [ ] The full financial impact is here
• [ ] I named the deceptions, not just the acts
• [ ] Nothing is minimized or left out to protect me
• [ ] My therapist has reviewed this
• [ ] This will be delivered in a facilitated session, not handed over or sprung on her
• [ ] I'm prepared for her to react however she needs to

How complete and honest is this draft, truly? (0 = still holding things back, 10 = the whole truth)

Rate from 0 to 10: ____

The whole truth, once: A complete, prepared disclosure - reviewed with your therapist and delivered with support - is the hardest and most important honesty of your recovery. Half-truths found later re-wound. This is your one chance to give the whole truth, all at once, with help carrying it.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Full Disclosure: Telling the Whole Truth, the Right Way, from Sex Addiction Recovery. Why a prepared, complete disclosure - done with a therapist - heals where a slow drip of half-truths keeps re-wounding.
• Restoring Relationships: Your Partner's Pain, Repair & Trust, from Sex Addiction Recovery. Betrayal is real trauma.