Where's My Line?

Boundaries get murky in dating because the 'rules' of how close, how fast are invisible — and neurodivergent people are often pushed to override their own comfort to seem normal. A boundary is just what's okay for you, at this pace. Two skills matter here: knowing and voicing your own lines, and reading and respecting someone else's.

Knowing my lines

What are you okay with, and not, right now? It can change over time — this is just for today.

Physical / touch — what I'm comfortable with and what I'm not (yet)

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Time & energy — how much contact I can give without burning out

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Emotional — how fast I want to open up

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Pacing it at my speed

Closeness is allowed to grow at your pace. You don't owe anyone a timeline, and wanting to go slow is a perfectly good reason.

The pace that feels right to me

Rate from 0 (Take it slow) to 10 (All in fast): ____

Voicing a line

A boundary only works if it's said. Short and kind does it.

Example: 'I really like you, and I like to take physical stuff slowly.' • 'One call a day is my sweet spot — more than that and I get overwhelmed.'

A line I want to be able to say, and the words I'd use

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Reading and respecting theirs

Their boundaries get the same respect you want for yours. When you're unsure, ask — it's never the wrong move.

• [ ] I check in ('is this okay?') instead of assuming
• [ ] I can take a no without taking it personally
• [ ] I watch for hesitation, not just an outright no

Asking is green, not awkward: Checking in — 'is this okay?', 'can I…?' — is the mark of a good partner, not a social failure. Assuming is the actual risk. A no, theirs or yours, is always valid and always final.

If a no isn't respected: If someone pressures you past a no, or won't respect your pace, that isn't a misunderstanding to fix — it's important information about them.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Sex and Intimacy, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Sex and intimacy for neurodivergent bodies: sensory load, masking, direct communication, and consent.
• ASIM-24 — Sex, Intimacy and Sensory Reality, from Autistic Self-Discovery. Sexual knowledge, sensory comfort, boundaries and consent for autistic adults, plus why this reverse-scored tool is unvalidated.
• Love and Intimacy, from The Autistic Woman. Dating, relationships, and sex as an autistic woman: confusing scripts, masking, consent as a gift, and sensory-aware intimacy.