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The Rejection Spiral

Rejection sensitivity — an intense, painful response to rejection or criticism, real or just perceived — runs especially deep in many autistic women and girls. It grows from a lifetime of being misread, invalidated, and pushed to mask. A neutral tone or a small criticism can flatten you for days. Naming the pattern is the first step to it no longer running the show.

How it shows up for me

  • [ ] A small criticism flattens me for days
  • [ ] I assume people are annoyed with me or about to leave
  • [ ] I over-apologize or people-please to head off rejection
  • [ ] I avoid trying things so I can't fail or be rejected

Map a recent spiral

A recent one: the trigger → the story I told myself → how I felt → what I did

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Spiral or reality?

In the moment it all feels true. Sorting it helps: is this a real signal, or the RSD firing on an old wound?

How I could tell the difference next time (pairs with 'Distortion or Real Signal?')

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Steadying it

My tools

  • Name it: 'this is rejection sensitivity'
  • Delay reacting — don't send the text, don't withdraw yet
  • The feeling is real but it isn't proof
  • A scrap of self-compassion
  • Reality-check gently with someone safe

You're not 'too much': Your sensitivity grew in a world that often wasn't safe or kind to how you're wired — it makes complete sense. It can be steadied, and feeling things deeply is not a flaw in you.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

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