The Man I Was Told to Be

Every boy gets handed a blueprint for 'being a man' - tough, dominant, unbothered, the provider, good with people, always in control. For an autistic man, that blueprint can feel like a costume that never fit. This worksheet is about separating the man you were told to be from the man you actually are.

The blueprint isn't the only design: The traditional script - stoic, dominant, self-reliant, breadwinner - is one version of manhood, not the only valid one. You're allowed to keep the parts that fit you and put down the parts that were never yours.

The script I was handed

Tick the 'rules of being a man' you absorbed.

• [ ] Always be in control
• [ ] Don't need help
• [ ] Be the provider above all
• [ ] Be socially smooth and dominant
• [ ] Hide weakness
• [ ] Handle everything alone
• [ ] Be tough, not sensitive

Which of these have I worn myself out trying to be?

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

What's actually me

Under the script, what's true?

Ways I'm a good man that the script never counted - loyalty, honesty, depth, reliability, care:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

A 'rule of manhood' I'd like to stop trying to meet:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

My own definition

Write a version of being a man that actually fits you.

The kind of man I actually want to be:

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

You get to author this: You don't have to reject manhood or perform it - you get to define it on terms that fit how you're built. The most respected men are usually the ones being genuinely themselves, not the ones performing hardest.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Masking & Authenticity, from The Neurodivergent Brain. How autistic masking (compensation, masking, assimilation) drives burnout — and what helps.
• Self-Esteem, Identity, and Late Diagnosis, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why misunderstanding erodes neurodivergent self-worth, what late diagnosis really feels like, and how to reauthor your story.