The Loneliness of Being Unseen

There's a particular loneliness that comes with masking, and it's confusing because it can happen in a room full of people who like you. The trouble is they like the mask — the agreeable, polished performance — while the real you stays hidden and unmet. Being liked for a role you're playing is its own kind of isolation.

Liked, but not known

Where people know my mask but not the real me

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What I hide that I wish were seen

Parts of me I keep covered that I'd love someone to actually know

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One person, one true thing

You don't have to unmask everywhere or all at once. Pick one safe person and one real thing to let them see.

A safe person, and one true thing I could let them see

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Being known is the antidote

Connection comes from being seen as you actually are — even a little. It's a slow, safe, one-step-at-a-time process, not a grand reveal.

Not a lack of people — a lack of being known: This loneliness doesn't lift by meeting more people to perform for. It lifts when someone knows the real you. That can start with one safe person. (Pairs with 'The Good-Girl Mask' and 'The Friendships That Fit.')

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Friendship and Belonging, from The Autistic Woman. Why friendship feels like a studied language for autistic women, and how to find your people.
• Masking and Camouflaging, from The Autistic Woman. What autistic masking is, how girls learn it early, what it costs — exhaustion, anxiety, lost identity — and the CAT-Q.
• Unmasking, Safely, from The Autistic Woman. Unmasking isn't all-or-nothing or always safe — a neuroaffirming guide for autistic women: the dimmer not the switch, safety mapping, and grief.