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More Than Fine or Angry
If your emotional vocabulary mostly runs 'fine,' 'tired,' and 'angry,' you're not broken or shallow - most men were handed a tiny set of words for a huge range of feelings, and autistic difficulty spotting emotions can make the rest hard to find. The good news: emotional vocabulary is a skill, and it grows. More words means more options than just shutting down or blowing up.
Naming it gives you a handle on it: You can't do much with a feeling you can't name. Putting a word on a feeling - even roughly - turns the volume down on it and gives you somewhere to take it.
My current settings
Honestly, what words do you actually use for how you feel? Tick them.
- [ ] Fine
- [ ] Good
- [ ] Tired
- [ ] Stressed
- [ ] Angry or annoyed
- [ ] I don't really know
Expanding the dial
Here are feelings that often hide behind 'fine' or 'angry.' Tick any you suspect you feel but rarely name.
- [ ] Overwhelmed
- [ ] Lonely
- [ ] Disappointed (in myself or others)
- [ ] Anxious or on edge
- [ ] Hurt
- [ ] Ashamed
- [ ] Content
- [ ] Proud
- [ ] Hopeful
- [ ] Grief
A feeling I probably have a lot but never say out loud:
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
Building the habit
Once a day, try putting one more specific word on it than usual.
My daily check-in moment (e.g., the drive home):
______________________________________________
Instead of 'fine,' a more specific word for how I feel right now:
______________________________________________
______________________________________________
This grows with reps: No one expects you to be fluent overnight. Every time you put a real word on a feeling, the skill gets a little stronger - and the people who care about you get a little closer.
Go deeper
Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.
- Emotional Dysregulation & Alexithymia, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why neurodivergent emotions hit harder, later, and longer; what alexithymia is; and how to build an emotional first-aid kit.
- TAS-20 — Alexithymia, When You Can't Name What You Feel, from Autistic Self-Discovery. What alexithymia is, why half of autistic adults have it, and what a TAS-20 score really means.
- The Neurodivergent Nervous System, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Interoception, the autonomic ladder, and your window of tolerance — why neurodivergent systems react harder and recover slower.