Is This Compulsivity, Coping, or Conflict?

Whatever you've been calling this, this worksheet helps you figure out what's actually going on - without judgment. People land here for very different reasons, and they don't all need the same thing. Before anything else, let's get an honest picture.

This isn't about how much sex you have: The question isn't whether you have too much sex, or the wrong kind. It's about three different things: whether the behavior feels out of your control, whether it's covering something else, and whether your distress is really about the behavior or about a belief that you shouldn't be doing it.

Part 1: The out-of-control signals

Tick any that genuinely fit. These are the signs clinicians actually look for.

• [ ] I spend so much time on this that other things slip (health, sleep, work, people)
• [ ] I've tried to cut back and couldn't
• [ ] I keep doing it even when it's caused real problems
• [ ] I often don't even enjoy it much anymore - I just do it
• [ ] It causes me real distress

Which of these, if any, hit hardest?

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

Part 2: Four possible drivers

Rate how true each feels right now (1 = not me, 10 = definitely me).

It genuinely feels out of my control

Rate from 1 to 10: ____

I use it to cope with stress, low mood, or hard feelings

Rate from 1 to 10: ____

It's more about chasing stimulation or intense focus than wanting the thing itself

Rate from 1 to 10: ____

My distress is mostly about believing I shouldn't be doing it

Rate from 1 to 10: ____

Part 3: The values question

This one matters. Feeling bad about a sexual behavior isn't the same as being unable to stop it.

Is my distress more about 'I can't stop' or 'I believe I shouldn't be doing this at all'?

______________________________________________

______________________________________________

This is a map, not a diagnosis: Whatever stood out points you toward a next step. High on 'out of control'? The pattern worksheets help. High on coping? Look at what's underneath. High on stimulation or focus? The neurodivergent worksheets fit. Mostly a values conflict? Start with 'Values, Not Verdicts.' And a clinician can help you sort it properly - this is a starting point, not a label.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Understanding Sex Addiction, from Sex Addiction Recovery. Compulsive sexual behavior is a learned cycle, not a moral failure.
• What It Was Protecting: Trauma, Attachment & Roots, from Sex Addiction Recovery. Compulsive sexual behavior often begins as a solution to cope with trauma, unmet attachment needs, and pain.
• Shame, Self-Worth & Identity, from Sex Addiction Recovery. Shame ('I am bad') fuels compulsive behavior; guilt ('I did something') heals it.
• ADHD-SIM-24 — Sex, Desire and Attention with ADHD, from ADHD Self-Discovery. How ADHD shapes attention, desire and connection, what the research really shows about risk and medication, and why this screener runs backwards.