Fewer, Deeper

You might have been told you're bad at friendship because you don't have a big crew or you hate small talk. But plenty of autistic men don't want a big crew - they want a couple of real ones, and find shallow socializing draining and pointless. That's not a deficit; it's a different design. This worksheet helps you build the kind of connection that actually fits you.

Quality was always the point: Preferring a few deep, honest friendships over a wide shallow network isn't antisocial - it's a perfectly good way to be connected. The goal isn't more people; it's the right ones.

Solitude vs. loneliness

These feel similar but aren't. Solitude refuels you; loneliness aches. Knowing which you're in tells you what you need.

Right now, my alone-time feels more like... (1 nourishing solitude, 10 painful loneliness)

Rate from 1 to 10: ____

When does being alone feel good, and when does it start to ache?

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What real friendship looks like for me

Tick what you actually want from a friendship.

• [ ] Honesty over politeness
• [ ] Comfortable silence
• [ ] Shared interests or activities
• [ ] Low-maintenance (pick up where we left off)
• [ ] Depth over frequency
• [ ] Not having to mask

The friendships I have (or had) that actually fit me - what made them work?

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Build for how you're wired: You don't need to force yourself into a big social life that drains you. Two or three people who get you, and don't need constant upkeep, is a rich life - not a consolation prize.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

• Finding Your People, from Self-Identification. What the community offers, how to walk into it, and what to expect once you are there.
• Communication Across Neurotypes, from The Neurodivergent Brain. Why autistic and non-autistic people misunderstand each other: the double empathy problem, direct vs indirect styles, and cross-neurotype repair.