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Boundaries That Keep You Safe

Boundaries after betrayal are not about controlling him - you can't control another person, and trying will exhaust you. They're a fence you build to keep yourself safe: clear about what you need, and about what you will do to protect yourself. This worksheet introduces boundaries as protection, using the WISE approach your program teaches.

A boundary is a fence around you, not a leash on him: Boundaries are about your own actions - what you will and won't accept, and what you'll do to stay safe. That's something you can actually control and keep.

Boundary vs. control

Control tries to make him do or not do something - impossible and exhausting. A boundary is what you will and won't accept, and what you'll do if a line is crossed - something fully in your hands.

What makes a boundary wise

Wise boundaries tend to be:

  • Clear - you and he both know exactly what it is
  • About your own actions, not controlling his
  • Focused on your safety, not on punishing him
  • Something you can actually follow through on

Drafting one boundary

A situation where I need a boundary, and what I need to feel safe:

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What I will do to protect myself if that's not respected (my action - not controlling him):

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Boundaries are self-respect, not punishment: They're how you keep yourself safe while you figure out what you want. You're allowed to have them, hold them, and revisit them. This is about protecting you - full stop.

Go deeper

Ready for more? These lessons pick up where this worksheet leaves off.

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