Neurodiverse Communication Counseling: With the help of a trained therapist, couples can learn to recognize their patterns, practice new strategies in a safe space, and strengthen understanding. Therapy that focuses on client strengths is especially helpful for neurodiverse communication as it helps partners identify and build on what they already do well, rather than focusing only on deficits.

Free neuro-informed attachment style map. Identify your pattern with an autism- and ADHD-aware lens that traditional attachment quizzes miss.

Expert counseling for neurodiverse couples. Our strength based approach to Autism, ADHD, and AuDHD can transform your relationship. Relationship Peace for Neurodiverse Couples Couples therapy for autism, ADHD and AuDHD relationships. Stop the fight/shutdown loop. Rebuild with tools that fit both brains. Autism - ADHD - AuDHD specialists What kind of help are you looking for? Couples Therapy Individual Therapy Autism & ADHD Assessments World's Largest Neurodiverse Therapy Service. 100% Online. Take our Neurodiverse Relationship Check-up Get a free relationship report. Start Now How it works Tell Us about You Share a few quick details so we can understand your neurodiverse experience — whether you're navigating autism, ADHD, or both. Get Your Perfect Match We’ll pair you with a specialist experienced in autism , ADHD , or AuDHD — within 24 hours. Start Your Healing Journey! Schedule your FREE consultation and start building the understanding and connection your relationship deserves. 1 2 3 Get Started Now! Take the Sensory Profile Screener (SPM) Understand how you experience the world. Take SPM Meet our experts in autism , ADHD & neurodiversity. Why risk being misunderstood? Our team understands the challenges that the neurodiverse community faces when seeking help. Autism, ADHD or AuDHD...we dedicate our lives to supporting you. Meet The Team Download our Trait Wheels to better understand yourself. Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel You’ve probably heard of autism. You’ve likely heard of ADHD. But what happens when someone experiences both at once? That’s AuDHD —and it’s more common than many people realize.. What is AuDHD? Learn More about AuDHD Neuro-Informed vs Traditional Therapy

Free neuro-informed attachment style map. Identify your pattern with an autism- and ADHD-aware lens that traditional attachment quizzes miss.

Meet our Team of Neurodiverse Couples Counselors for help with Autism & ADHD and your Relationship Meet Our Team All Team Members are Neurodiverse Couples Specialists. To find their ADDITIONAL specialty areas, select one of the buttons below. Therapist Finder All Accepting New Couples & Indiv. Clients Accepting New Individual Clients Only Not Accepting New Clients ACT ADHD ASD/Allistic Couples Addiction Alexithymia Assessment Attachment AuDHD Autism Betrayal/Affair Recovery Blended Families Brainspotting Buddist - Spiritual CBT Cassandra Syndrome Christian Communication Couples Retreats/Intensives DBT Discernment Divorce Eating & Autism Emotion Focused Therapy Emotional Intimacy Emotional Regulation Family Conflict General Couples Coaching Highly Sensitive People (HSP) IFS Integrative Spiritual Therapy Internal Family Systems Intimate Partner Violence Kink/Poly-Affirmed LGBTQIA+ Life Transitions Multicultural Challenges Muslim background ND at Work Neurodiverse Couples PDA Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Sex/Physical Intimacy Somatic Therapies Teens Transformational Coaching Trauma Twice-exceptional (2e) Conor Cunningham Kimberly Hawks Jamison Haase Jenny Pan Cassie Clayton Nancy Rushing Colleen Kahn Harry Motro Joseph Kaiser Robin Greenblat Nara Ahn Alyssa Bayus Rachel Wheeler Maring Higa Malori Evans Tamala Takahashi Adela Stone Leila Pirnia Lisa Marie Anzaldua Danielle Grossman Chris Mercurio Jen Terrell Shea Davis Lea Choi Daniel Chung Jory Wilson Stephen Robertson Blaze Lazarony Amanda Silvester More about the TEAM... We're a group of dedicated therapists and coaches who have come together to: treat the neurodiverse community with respect, develop a robust set of tools to help neurodiverse couples, approach neurodiverse healing from a strength-based approach , understand that the trauma of past misunderstanding needs to be healed in a gentle way, share best-practices for neurodiverse therapy amongst the team so we can offer you a beneficial experience, and offer integrated therapy where both the couple and each partner can each have their own counselor ; yet, the therapy is synchronized to achieve compatible goals. Please complete the contact form to be matched with a neurodiverse therapist or coach.

Check out our Quick Guides if you're looking for key facts, research-backed insights, and easy-to-follow explanations for neurodiverse couples navigating autism, ADHD, communication, intimacy, and more. Quick Guides Quick Guide - HSP for Couples Stop mistaking sensitivity for withdrawal or overreaction—learn how the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) trait shapes your relationship's unique wiring. Discover expert strategies to soothe emotional flooding and turn deep feeling into a safer, deeply attuned connection. Read More Quick Guide - Discernment Counseling for Neurodiverse Couples Feeling stuck between staying and leaving? Discernment counseling gives neurodiverse couples a focused space to pause conflict, understand what’s really happening beneath the surface, and make a confident, informed decision about the future. Read More Quick Guide - ADHD Couples Therapy If ADHD is causing misunderstandings, frustration, or uneven responsibilities, you’re not alone. Learn how a neuro-informed approach helps couples understand each other’s wiring—and create practical, compassionate change together. Read More Quick Guide - Neurodiverse Sex Therapy Intimacy challenges in neurodiverse relationships are common—and deeply fixable. This guide explains how specialized sex therapy supports couples in navigating desire differences, sensory needs, and emotional disconnect with compassion and clarity. Read More Quick Guide - Communication in Neurodiverse Relationships If conversations keep spiraling, shutting down, or getting lost in translation, you’re not alone. Learn how neuro-informed communication tools help partners understand each other’s wiring—and finally feel heard. Read More Quick Guide - Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Find out how neurodiverse couples counseling helps partners move through communication breakdowns, emotional mismatches, and burnout, and why working with neuro-informed experts can finally make the relationship feel understandable again. Read More

Hello Neurodiverse Couples Community! 🌈 Think you understand autism? What if there’s another way to see it? Could it be a framework rooted in how our brains work moment-to-moment? Predictive processing is a fascinating model that shows how we all, autistic or not, navigate the world by creating internal “blueprints” or expectations. These mental maps help us anticipate what’s coming, sparing us from reinterpreting every situation from scratch. For autistic individuals, these blueprints can be especially detailed, offering stability but also creating challenges when the world doesn’t line up. Watch or listen instead of reading — this video covers the same topic in a more personal, conversational way. Educational use only — not therapy or advice. Therapy for CA residents · Coaching worldwide. If in crisis, call 988 (U.S.) 🔍 What is Predictive Processing? At its core, predictive processing is the brain’s way of making sense of the world by forming mental “blueprints” based on past experiences and current sensory information. Everyone’s brain operates this way. Here’s how it works: The brain starts with a hypothesis about what’s likely to happen, drawing from previous experiences and the current context. Then, as sensory information comes in , it compares reality to the blueprint, looking for alignment. When there’s a prediction error — a mismatch between expectation and experience—the brain adjusts its internal model, gradually improving accuracy for future predictions. This prediction process helps us avoid the exhausting task of re-evaluating each new experience from scratch, saving energy and helping us move smoothly through life. For autistic individuals, these mental maps tend to be highly detailed and specific, creating a strong sense of stability but also less flexibility when unexpected events arise. This approach is both adaptive and protective; by continually refining its “blueprint,” the brain creates a sense of predictability in a world that might otherwise feel overwhelming. Understanding these blueprints can help partners communicate and interact in ways that feel safe, supportive, and genuinely aligned with each other. 🌐 Predictive Processing in Action: A Real-Life Example Imagine you and your autistic partner plan to meet friends at a new restaurant. Here’s how their brain might process this experience through three possible “vectors”: Physical Experience Matches the Blueprint: Your partner anticipates a quiet restaurant, familiar food, and a small group of friends. When reality aligns with this expectation, they feel calm, their internal blueprint stays steady, and the experience is positive. Experience Deviates Within Tolerance: The restaurant is a bit noisier than expected, or there’s a delay in seating. While these details don’t perfectly match their mental map, they’re still within a “zone of tolerance.” These small variations are manageable, and their blueprint can adjust, allowing the overall experience to stay comfortable. Experience Challenges the Blueprint: Now imagine the restaurant is crowded, music is loud, and the menu is unfamiliar. This situation directly conflicts with their blueprint, which can feel jarring or overwhelming. Their brain struggles to reconcile these differences, leading to anxiety or withdrawal as they try to process the experience. For autistic individuals , these mental maps are often very specific, and the world is examined in finer detail, and with heightened sensitivity to sensory input. Large deviations from the mental blueprint can lead to overload or frustration. And, for their partners, understanding these reactions as part of a finely tuned map helps partners create more supportive and understanding interactions. 💡 How Predictive Processing Challenges Traditional Autism Views Traditional approaches to autism often focus on observable traits—like social challenges or repetitive actions—and view these as isolated behaviors to “manage.” Predictive processing shifts the focus inward, showing how behaviors reflect an internal logic. Instead of viewing these behaviors as “quirks,” we start asking: “How does this person’s unique blueprint provide stability in a complex world?” This perspective encourages a new kind of respect for each person’s natural mental structure, guiding us to support these patterns rather than attempt to change them. 🛠️ Practical Interventions: Putting Predictive Processing to Work Our neuro-informed specialists understand how predictive processing shapes your relationship. With this understanding, we design interventions that embrace and work with each partner’s unique blueprint, enhancing connection. Mapping Communication Styles: Everyone’s mental map is different, and uncovering each partner’s communication style is key. We help you both understand these maps so you can communicate in ways that resonate, without feeling forced or uncomfortable. Routine Flexibility & Adaptation: Routines offer a sense of stability, particularly for autistic individuals, but flexibility is essential too. We work with couples to craft routines that provide predictability without feeling rigid, balancing the needs of both partners. Emotional Calibration Based on Predictive Maps: Emotions often reflect how much a situation matches or deviates from each person’s mental blueprint. We teach couples how to recognize and adjust to each other’s emotional cues, bringing alignment without misunderstandings. Making Detail Focus a Tool for Clarity: Many autistic individuals notice specific details that others might overlook. We help partners use these details to enhance communication and add depth to their conversations, seeing this focus as a strength. Creating Safe Predictive Spaces: Establishing predictable, shared “safe spaces”—whether routines, rituals, or specific activities—grounds the relationship, helping both partners feel secure within the relationship even amid external changes. Aligning Expectations & Checking In: Misaligned expectations can create frustration. Our specialists guide you in regular check-ins, allowing each partner to align their mental maps and navigate experiences together with trust and openness. 🧭 Ready to Explore the Depths of Your Relationship? Imagine if understanding each other wasn’t about “fixing” but about uncovering the hidden logic behind your partner’s world. Are you ready to see their experiences in a new way—and let them see yours? When you’re ready, our neuro-informed specialists will be there to help. Warmly, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center 🔦 Spotlight on Nancy Rushing If your relationships or personal journey feel overwhelmed by the complexities of neurodiversity, Nancy Rushing is the specialist who truly understands the nuances of being both an HSP and navigating life with ADHD. With her lived experience as a neurodivergent individual and a parent of two highly sensitive children, Nancy brings a compassionate, firsthand perspective to her work, helping clients feel seen and supported. Nancy’s superpower? She uncovers the deeper emotional patterns and attachment needs that shape relationships and individual experiences, whether you’re navigating anxiety, sensory sensitivities, or the unique dynamics of neurodiverse partnerships. With her integrative therapeutic approach, Nancy combines evidence-based modalities like CBT, EFT, and trauma-informed care to tailor sessions to your unique challenges. Together, you’ll discover tools to break free from repetitive cycles, gain clarity and confidence, and build relationships that honor both individuality and connection . Contact Nancy Today! Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Think You May be Masking Your Autistic Traits? The Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q) may be used to identify autistic individuals who do not currently meet diagnostic criteria due to their ability to mask. Take the CAT-Q Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

As a neurodiverse couples therapist, I often hear: "I’m pretty sure my husband is autistic. We’ve tried regular couples therapy and it bombed. He gets mad when I suggest he might be autistic. I feel lonely and desperate for help. What should I do?" 😔 I get it—regular couples was painful for both of you. You're pretty sure he’s not going anywhere near therapy again. But, for some reason, you haven’t given up. So how do I pull him in? How to Get Him on Board 1. Pick Your Moment : Don’t drop this on him when he’s in the middle of his latest hobby deep- dive or when you’re already bickering. Find a chill time when you’re both relaxed. 🕒 2. Highlight the Expertise: Emphasize that the therapist specializes in neurodiverse couples, so he or she understands our unique challenges and strengths. 🧠 3. Focus on Specific Goals: This will not be open ended therapy going nowhere. Talk about the specific goals you both want to achieve, like better communication, less conflict, and more understanding. Therapy is a tool to reach those goals. 🎯 4. Respect His Feelings : Acknowledge that it’s tough to consider therapy, especially if previous experiences were negative. Show that you respect his feelings and are seeking a new approach together. 🤝 5. Small Initial Commitment : Suggest meeting the therapist for just ONE session to see if there is a good fit. Sometimes, just meeting the therapist can alleviate fears or misconceptions. 🛋️ 6. Cost-Benefit Analysis : Compare a 10% increase in happiness for decades to a few hours of failed couples therapy. ⚖️ 7. Respect Autonomy : Reassure him that therapy is NOT about changing who he is, but understanding each other better and finding strategies that work for both of you. 🌟 8. Address Misconceptions : Clear up any misconceptions he might have about therapy. It’s not about laying blame or rehashing past issues—it’s about moving forward positively. 🌈 What’s Actually Different About Neurodiverse Couples Therapy? 1. Therapist Training: Our therapists are trained in neurodiversity and won’t shame, blame, or try to change the autistic or ADHD partner. You’ll both be on the same footing, and it’s about equality and understanding. 👩🏫🤝 2. Decoding Neurodiversity: Our therapist will break down the patterns that show up in a neurodiverse relationship in a way that makes sense. It’s like getting the user manual for your interactions. 📘🧩 3. Rebuilding Communication: You’ll learn how to rebuild communication that takes your brain differences into account. 🗣️💡 4. Sensory Stuff: Our therapists will help you address any sensory sensitivities and how these impact your day-to-day life. It’s like figuring out why certain things drive him nuts and finding workarounds. 👂 5. Emotional & Logic Connection: You’ll work on understanding each other’s emotional and logical perspectives. It’s about figuring out how to connect both hearts and minds, ensuring you’re on the same page emotionally and logically. We won’t prioritize emotions over logic. Both are important!! 💖🧠 6. Real Tools : You’ll get practical tools and exercises to use at home. It’s not just talk—it’s about making real changes that you’ll actually notice. 🛠️🏠 Ready to Give It a Try? Popping the question about couples therapy can be super tough. It's like proposing all over again, but for the sake of your relationship's health. Are you ready to give it a try? 😊 Let's take the first step together. You can book a couple session or book an individual session just to talk about how to ask your partner. We'll figure it out together, and you won't be alone in this. You got this! 💪 Until next time, Harry Dr. Harry Motro , LMFT, Clinical Director Founder Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule with Whitney Do You Have Trouble Identifying & Expressing Emotions? Want to see if your behavior is consistent with alexithymia? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take the Alexithymia Test Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

You’ve seen top 10 lists before. You might roll your eyes. Too generic. Too fluffy. Doesn’t apply. We get it. But this one’s different. It’s built for your relationship. A neurodiverse relationship. The Big 10 for Neurodiverse Relationships Don’t assume silence means disinterest. Sometimes it means overload. Ask, don’t guess. Fight the confusion, not each other. You’re wired differently, not broken. Say what you really mean. Neurotypical hints don’t work here. Take breaks when you’re flooded. Then come back. Always come back. Ask for the connection you need. Don’t wait for it to show up by magic. Celebrate your partner’s effort, not just results. What looks small may be huge. Touch…if it’s wanted. Check first. Respect sensory needs. Ask, “What makes today easier?” Daily micro-tweaks beat grand fixes. Goals and dreams can look different. But they still need to be shared. Choose kindness before clarity. You can always explain more later. We could spend a full session on each one. And maybe we will. But you may not even need us. Pick one a day. Sit with it. Let it shift the way you show up. That one small change? It might change everything. Harry Motro Clinical Director, Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center Get Matched with a Therapist 🔦 Spotlight on Shea Davis Specialties Neurodiverse Couples Cassandra Syndrome Support Communication Addiction, Trauma, Betrayal Recovery Blended Families Parenting (Neurotypical & Neurodiverse) Emotionally Focused Therapy Internal Family Systems Personal Experience Lived 24 Years in a Neurodiverse Marriage. I know the highs and heartbreaks of a relationship where love is real—but miscommunication is constant. That lived experience grounds the way I support couples navigating similar dynamics. Parented a Brilliant, Struggling Neurodivergent Son. As a mom and advocate, I learned to interpret, adapt, and create safety for a child the world didn’t always understand. That shaped my deep respect for nervous system differences and co-regulation. Rebuilt After Addiction, Trauma & Betrayal. I’ve walked through collapse and come out the other side—with hard-earned insight into recovery, boundaries, and how to rebuild relationships rooted in mutual safety. Learn more about Shea! © 2025 New Path Family of Therapy Centers Inc. All rights reserved. No portion of these statements may be reproduced, redistributed, or used in any form without explicit written permission from the New Path Family of Therapy Centers. Want to learn more about yourself? Explore our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment , and take a deeper dive into your journey of self-discovery. Click the links below to get started! Autism Screeners ADHD Screeners Tests Related to Autism & ADHD General Screeners Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Therapy for Parents of Neurodiverse children. Helping exceptional parents with exceptional kids! NEURODIVERSE PARENTING < Back HELPING YOUR CHILD THRIVE Most parents are willing to sacrifice almost anything to see your child happy, independent, and productive. We see parents bend over backwards to support their children. If you are using the wrong approach for them or if mom and dad are not on the same page, everyone in the family can quickly become exhausted and discouraged. You may even start to wonder if you are doing something wrong and making things more difficult. No matter how much you are putting into advocating for and supporting your child, it rarely feels like it is enough. Difficult social situations for your child break your heart. The frustrations spread… Show More

ADHD Couples Therapy TIP: Want answers fast? Check out our 📄 Quick Guide on ADHD Couples Therapy for key facts, FAQs , and why you should choose us. THE IMPACT OF ADHD ON MARRIAGE & RELATIONSHIPS Do you and/or your partner experience symptoms related to ADHD? If so, you can expect very predictable (and painful) patterns to emerge in your relationship. If the underlying issues are not addressed, it is likely that both of you will end up angry, dissatisfied, lonely, frustrated, and exhausted. These feelings typically arise from a pattern of mismatched or unrealistic expectations, lack of follow-through, nagging, constant conflict, and occasionally loud blow-out fights. If this dynamic continues long enough, one partner emotionally and physically pulls away, making the connection in the relationship even more tenuous. Fortunately, with awareness and knowledgeable help, these patterns can be interrupted and relationships can be restored . On this web page, we will cover the basics of ADHD-diverse relationships but we invite you to connect with one of our neurodiversity specialists who would be honored to work with you. Improve Your Relationship Now! ABOUT ADHD ADHD is most commonly diagnosed during childhood. While some percentage of children "grow out" of their symptoms or find effective ways to cope, many do not. In fact, some studies show that 50 percent of those who are diagnosed continue to have symptoms throughout adulthood. Prevalence of adult ADHD is generally accepted to be 4% (ranging from 2% to 7%). Depending on the study, the diagnosis rate in men ranges from 1.5 times to 3 times that of women . Many professionals believe that women are under-diagnosed in both childhood and adulthood. It is also worth noting that ADHD in women normally presents as difficulty concentrating and can look similar to anxiety whereas it is more common for men to experience hyperactivity. For ease of writing, the following is written assuming the male partner is the ADHD partner and the female is the non-ADHD partner . Please know that ADHD can show up in either spouse (or both) and we do not mean to perpetuate any stereotypes. UNDERSTANDING THE ADHD RELATIONSHIP PATTERN Consider each partner's part in an ADHD-diverse relationship: NON-ADHD PARTNER: Feelings: Angry, frustrated, sad and disappointed. Behaviors : Controlling, nagging, criticizing and complaining. Internal narrative: “I have to constantly remind you if I want anything to get done!“ ADHD PARTNER: Feelings: Worthless, resentful, sad and disappointed (in himself). Behaviors : Defensive, making excuses, avoiding, lying and withdrawal. Internal narrative: "How could you expect me to respond to you when you talk to me that way?“ IS YOUR MARRIAGE IN AN ADHD TRAP? If you are curious to see if your relationship fits the typical ADHD neurodiverse pattern, consider how many of the following ADHD symptoms exist in your relationship: Constant arguing, seemingly over inconsequential topics One partner in the “parent“ role and the other partner in the “child“ or "teenager" role Responsibilities feel uneven Difficulty in negotiating reasonable expectations Poor follow through on tasks Lack of consequences for unmet expectations Inability to discuss unmet expectations without arguing Arguments get stuck on whose memory is right Feeling that screens (phones, iPads, computers...) are more important than the relationship Infrequent or non-existent sex life The partner in the parent role becomes the bad cop and the ADHD partner becomes the Disney parent, particularly in the eyes of the children Children get caught in parental struggle \ A KINDER APPROACH - SHOW UP, THEN DECIDE Our clinicians are inspired by the ideas of Dr. Kourosh Dini, a renowned psychiatrist and expert in addressing the challenges faced by those with "wandering minds." Dr. Dini advocates for a thoughtful alternative to the conventional ADHD management strategies that often rely heavily on urgency and external pressure. These traditional tactics, which include setting tight deadlines or using past failures as motivational tools, can increase stress and undermine a person’s sense of self-direction and confidence. Dr. Dini champions a non-fear-based method that he refers to as the visitor-based approach. Unlike traditional methods that push for immediate action, this strategy encourages a gentler, more mindful engagement with tasks. It is grounded in a simple yet transformative principle: "Show up, then decide." Here’s a breakdown of how this method works: Decide: Begin by selecting a task to focus on, whether it’s a work assignment, a household chore, or a leisure activity. Show up: Commit to being fully present with your chosen task. Start by spending just a moment with it—enough time for one deep breath. Decide again: After that initial moment, you decide whether to continue working on the task or to step back. This step reinforces your autonomy and helps rebuild trust in your own decision-making abilities. This visitor-based approach might appear straightforward, but its impact is significant. It promotes a step-by-step engagement with tasks, reducing the overwhelming pressure to achieve immediate results. Each “visit” to a task is a chance to reconnect with your intentions and assess your current mental and emotional state. This leads to a more balanced and fulfilling approach to work and daily activities. Working with one of our skilled clinicians, you’ll explore these principles and discover how to apply them in a way that enhances your productivity and well-being without compromising your autonomy. BOTH PARTNERS STRUGGLE As we work with ADHD-diverse couples, we find that both partners struggle but in very different ways. ADHD PARTNER'S STRUGGLE For the ADHD partner, daily life can feel overwhelming . These feelings start off hidden but quickly emerge under stress. Unfortunately, they emerge as yelling at the family member who is close by, usually a spouse or child. Alternatively, the feelings get buried deep inside. Then, coping mechanisms (such as playing video games, alcohol or drug use, work, and/or porn) take over to keep the feelings from surfacing. Furthermore, feelings of inadequacy , which were often present in childhood, become magnified. As the non-ADHD spouse takes charge of the household and the children, the ADHD partner believes that he will not be accepted or loved unless he changes. Sadly, he does not believe this change is possible! As this pattern gets locked in, the ADHD partner begins to walk on eggshells, just waiting for the next time that he lets his partner down. Being under this kind of stress only makes the ADHD struggle worse. His ADHD mind was already racing; feeling cluttered, fuzzy and/or noisy. Now it gets worse. With the stress of the relationship on top of all the other daily stress, it becomes impossible to think clearly, especially when dealing with his spouse. NON-ADHD PARTNER'S STRUGGLE The non-ADHD partner starts out over-functioning because she loves her husband and wants to help. But this quickly leads to a feeling of being overburdened . Her first attempt to deal with this is to ask for help but then she is accused of "being a nag" or "being uptight". This just feeds into her resentment. When she resists nagging and asks just once, he forgets. Although he apologizes, she feels let down and that he doesn't really care. As she becomes convinced that she can not count on her spouse, she stops asking him to do things (which he could probably do well if their dysfunctional pattern did not exist). So she continues to over-function and soon feels lonely and ignored by her withdrawn husband. Her narrative of being "the responsible one" in the marriage is expressed through complaints to the kids, friends and other family members. Inevitably, the shame and struggle in the relationship spreads through the whole family system and hopelessness can quickly set in. BUT THERE IS HOPE!!! The path to healing needs to be customized for each couple; however, one of the fundamental interventions is to separate the symptoms of the ADHD from the message the partners are taking from it. I n other words, the struggle to follow through with a task does not mean that the partner does not care. It also does not mean that the ADHD partner cannot institute compensating strategies to address the needs of the spouse or family. Our work in therapy is to break the negative cycle , address the underlying feelings of anger and sadness, and then make new meaning of what is happening and what can be done going forward. Please know that we are not suggesting that the actual solutions are simple. The tactics need to be carefully customized for the couple and must be “ADHD-sensitive“ . In other words, we can NOT just try HARDER to do the things we’ve been doing; rather, a couple must be inventive and willing to experiment with new approaches. When working out the new couple dynamic, a couple of points must be emphasized: Take a team approach . If one person is the "one down" position, constantly being blamed, the change will not work. Both partners must honestly recognize the work that each one must do to break the negative cycle. Focus on changing yourself, not your partner. Treat your partner with kindness even when he or she fails. Be open to medication if that is suggested by your physician and other approaches are not working. WORDS OF ENCOURAGEMENT We have seen couples who have struggled with ADHD completely transform their marriage. Although it is not guaranteed, reshaping your painful patterns in a relationship can do wonders for your lives together. We would love to help and look forward to hearing from you. Meet with our Client Care Coordinator Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

As neurodiverse counselors and coaches, our team learns from our clients every single day. We learn how everyone is unique. We learn ways to accept you as you are AND how to encourage growth and change. We learn what works for you, pull it all together, and then share it with all of our clients. Our goal for this blog is to bring REAL WORLD advice to REAL PEOPLE. Our clients inspire us every day and our hope is to pass that inspiration on to you. We know combining families is never easy. But, with the right guidance and support, it is always worthwhile. Click Here To Match With An Expert We want to hear from you so please comment on our posts. Life works best when we all learn from each other!! Warmest regards, Harry Dr. Harry Motro, LMFT, PsyD Dr. Motro is a registered Marriage and Family Therapist #53452 and the Founder/Clinical Director of the Neurodiverse Couples Counseling Center. Want to Meet with Our Client Care Coordinator? Hi, I'm Whitney Pressley, Client Care Coordinator. Let's talk so I can match you with the neurodiverse specialist that's right for you. Schedule With Whitney Take an ASD/ADHD Screener Are you curious about whether or not you have autism/ADHD? Want to learn more about yourself and take the first step towards deeper self-understanding? We invite you to visit the Adult Autism Assessment Site and Take An ASD/ADHD Screener Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel

Autistic Women WOMAN ON THE SPECTRUM? WE SEE YOU. If you are an adult woman who thinks you may be on the spectrum, we are so glad you are here. You have probably been overlooked and under-supported for years and maybe even decades. You may be struggling in your relationship but not know how to fix it. Sadly, feelings of being defective, lonely, confused and helpless may be all too common. Please don't despair. There is hope! On this web page, we will try to cover the basics of women on the spectrum but we invite you to connect with one of our neurodiversity specialists who would be honored to help you. Wondering if you have Autistic traits? Curious about how autism may shape your experiences as a woman? Take our Autism Screener for Adult Women to explore traits, gain insights, and access resources tailored to your unique strengths and challenges. The button below will take you to our sister site, Adult Autism Assessment . There, you'll be able to take our Free Online Autism Screener for Adult Women and gain further insight. Adult Autism Screener OVERLOOKED IN CHILDHOOD As the field of neuroscience continues to develop, there is an ever-increasing consensus among researchers that autistic women are dramatically undercounted. Well-intentioned, parents, teachers, and counselors often miss the opportunity to identify women on the spectrum. There are two major reasons for this unfortunate situation: REASON 1: GIRLS MASKING IN CHILDHOOD Even though girls may share many core traits of autism with boys, they often react externally to it in dramatically different ways. One difference in how boys and girls react is the degree to which they mask their autistic traits. Masking is when a person puts on a “mask” to look the way others expect rather than show up in the world in a way that is natural and genuine. You can think of masking as camouflage. In other words, wearing something on the surface so you will not be noticed, yet fearing that you will be discovered. As compared to boys, girls are more capable of “masking” their social deficits. One theory that explains this superior female masking capability is that girls on the spectrum have innate “social mimicry skills” which enable the girls to more easily "fake it". Unfortunately, the mimicry usually operates at a superficial level, causing the girls to still miss the deeper emotional understanding. Also, social masking is harder for girls to pull off than boys since neurotypical girls often have more nuanced social and emotional dynamics than boys. Furthermore, girls are often more motivated to mask than boys . There usually is less parental and peer pressure for boys than girls to make social connections, so the boys put less effort into it. The expectation for social connection can be intense for girls so they may put all their energy into “fitting in”, even though doing so may feel completely unnatural and leave the girls exhausted. In summary, girls on the spectrum may look different than boys in the following ways: Higher levels of pretend play. More mimicking of role models (without understanding the real social meaning). Suppressing natural tendencies (such as special interests) to fit in. Acting quiet or shy at school (to fit in) but melting down at home (due to the emotional stress of masking during the day). Special interests for girls may be focused on imaginary animals (unicorns), real animals, crafts, environment, appearance and celebrities as opposed to computers, video games and transportation for boys (although these commonly crossover). Suffer from emotional bullying as opposed to boys who experience physical bullying (again, these cross over). Girls are more likely to internalize anxiety leading to depression while boys tend to behave more aggressively or have meltdowns. For a more exhaustive list, see Tania Marshall’s blog. This masking behavior can come at great cost, creating a constant worry of “Am doing it right?” and “Will I be discovered to be a fraud?”; thus, leaving many autistic girls feeling highly anxious and emotionally exhausted. REASON 2: MALE-CENTERED CLINICAL RESEARCH & FOCUS There is a second reason that girls/women are overlooked for ASD diagnosis. Since the early days of recognition of what was called Asperger’s (now ASD), the research was largely conducted by male researchers on male patients. The fundamental assumption was that autism was primarily a condition that belonged to males. Accordingly, the criteria for diagnosing autism and the methodologies for assessment became biased to identify male clients. This framework leaves many women outside of or on the borderline of the parameters for a clear ASD diagnosis so they end up without a diagnosis and little hope for a healing path forward. Even worse, they may be misdiagnosed as having ADHD, Major Depressive Disorder, General Anxiety Disorder, or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. As expected, a misdiagnosis may lead to suboptimal treatment and extreme frustration and disappointment. DIFFERENCES & STRUGGLES Of course, young girls grow into women and the unequal treatment continues into adulthood along with the emotional struggles. Here are a few examples of how adult men and women present differently in adulthood: Adult autistic females are more comfortable than their male counterparts when interacting on a one-on-one basis. The women may often report that they have a few friends but would typically meet with them individually, not in a group. Men on the spectrum often report no friends. Adult autistic females are more likely to find a romantic partner , often putting a lot of effort (masking) in order to overcome loneliness. Men on the spectrum typically have more difficulty navigating the rules of romance, although this may be offset by lower expectations of romance from men. Adult autistic females are more likely to have the primary responsibility for parenting than autistic males. In spite of the pleasures of being a parent, children have never-ending emotional needs which can be confusing and overwhelming to a woman on the spectrum. STRUGGLES Given the forces that lead autistic girls and adult women to be overlooked and under-supported, many females believe that something is fundamentally wrong with them, thus feeling sad, lonely, and defective. These difficult emotions may lead to serious mental health conditions in women. In fact, studies show that women have more struggles than males on the spectrum including higher levels of anorexia, social anxiety, and self-harm. Still, men suffer as well, having a higher incidence of hyperactivity, conduct disorders, and stereotyped (repetitive) behaviors than autistic women. It is worth noting that these more typical male conditions are more visible and thus may contribute to the males being noticed, most often during childhood in the classroom, and thus receiving a diagnosis. We're here to help! Contact Us Now! Meet with our Client Care Coordinator FURTHER READING Consider: 'I was exhausted trying to figure it out': The experiences of females receiving an autism diagnosis in middle to late adulthood" Read about the experiences of late-in-life women diagnosed late in life. Finding the True Number of Females with Autistic Spectrum Disorder by Estimating the Biases in Initial Recognition and Clinical Diagnosis Could there be more females than males on the spectrum? The Female Autism Phenotype and Camouflaging: a Narrative Review For a deep dive into the Female Autistic Phenotype, check out this article. Physical health of Autistic Girls and Women: A Scoping Review Females with Autism: An Unofficial List Neurodivergent Minds This book is based on a paradigm-shifting study of neurodivergent women. Use our Trait Wheels to better understand your strengths and challenges: Autism Trait Wheel ADHD Trait Wheel AuDHD Trait Wheel