Before You Start

Are you taking this on your own, or together with your partner? (On my own / Together with my partner)

Who would you like to measure? (Me / My Partner)

If you take it together: Both partners measure the same person: one answers in the self (inside) voice, the other in the partner (outside) voice. Results compare the inside view against the outside view of that same person, and highlight where they align or diverge.

What This Screener Looks At

Bracing for Rejection

How much one partner anticipates rejection or disappointment before it happens.

How Criticism Lands

How intensely feedback or comments are experienced as criticism.

When Emotions Flood

How quickly and strongly emotions rise after feeling rejected, and how hard they are to settle.

Pulling Away

How much someone withdraws, goes quiet, or holds back to avoid feeling rejected.

What Your Score Means

Each of the four areas is scored from 6 to 30, and the four area scores add up to a total ranging from 24 to 120. Higher scores mean more rejection-driven strain in the relationship.

Bands for each area

6 to 14 = Rarely a flashpoint
15 to 22 = Sometimes a flashpoint
23 to 30 = Often a flashpoint

What the bands mean

Bracing for Rejection

Rarely a flashpoint: Neither of you spends much energy bracing for rejection here, which leaves more room to relax with each other.
Sometimes a flashpoint: There's a fair amount of anticipating disappointment before it happens, which can put a low hum of tension under everyday moments.
Often a flashpoint: A lot of energy goes into expecting rejection before it happens, which can make even neutral moments feel loaded for the relationship.

How Criticism Lands

Rarely a flashpoint: Feedback tends to land as feedback, not as an attack, so hard conversations are easier to have.
Sometimes a flashpoint: Feedback sometimes lands harder than intended, which can make honest conversations feel risky between you.
Often a flashpoint: Even gentle feedback tends to land as criticism, which can make it hard to raise anything without it stinging.

When Emotions Flood

Rarely a flashpoint: Upsets tend to settle without flooding, so disagreements are less likely to spiral.
Sometimes a flashpoint: Emotions can rise quickly in tense moments and take a while to settle, which can stretch out conflicts.
Often a flashpoint: Emotions can flood fast and stay high after feeling rejected, which can make conflicts intense and slow to repair.

Pulling Away

Rarely a flashpoint: Closeness holds up under stress, with little need to withdraw to feel safe.
Sometimes a flashpoint: There's some pulling back or going quiet to stay safe, which can create distance over time.
Often a flashpoint: Withdrawing or going silent to avoid rejection seems common, which can leave the relationship feeling disconnected.

Total bands

24 to 55 = A Steady Footing

Rejection sensitivity doesn't seem to be driving much friction between you right now. A few moments may still be worth a gentle conversation, but the relationship has a steady footing to build on.

56 to 87 = Worth Talking About

There are some recurring moments where fear of rejection seems to spark tension between you. None of this is a diagnosis or a verdict on either person; these are patterns worth talking about together so they create less strain.

88 to 120 = A Lot Worth Exploring Together

Rejection-driven reactions seem to be a frequent source of strain in the relationship right now. This isn't about anyone being broken; it points to patterns that many couples find easier to shift with support from a neurodiversity-affirming therapist.

A Note on What This Is

This screener is for reflection and conversation, not diagnosis. Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria is a widely discussed idea, but it is not a formal diagnosis in the DSM-5. Your score is a snapshot of how rejection sensitivity may be affecting your relationship right now, not a measure of a medical condition or a verdict on either partner. If these patterns are affecting your wellbeing, a neurodiversity-affirming clinician can help.

These reflections are conversation starters, not conclusions. The areas above are good places to compare notes with each other, and, if it helps, with a neurodiversity-affirming therapist.